Luna's Bassoon

by Pineta

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2047

A princess who loved a good tune, Ventured to take up the bassoon. But her playing all night, Did her sister incite, To banish her back to the moon.

A princess who loved a good tune,
Ventured to take up the bassoon.
But her playing all night
Did her sister incite
To banish her back to the moon.

But all the musicians unite
To save the princess of the night.
They fight to defend
Their bassoonist friend
And see this injustice put right.

Published 2018-09-14 17:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-09-14 17:20:01 UTC

Fit the Seventh: Musical Revolution

Outrage was the public reaction,
Uniting each musical faction.
“We tried being nice.
“We’re not asking twice.
“It’s now time to try direct action.”

“Arise, you musicians. Comrades
“To the streets. Raise the barricades.
“Enough persecution.
“Tear up the constitution.
“Come join us and fight this crusade.

“We’ll play a big street procession.
“A huge city-wide jam session.
“Loud music we’ll make
“To keep Sunbutt awake.
“And force her to make a concession.”

“We’re no princess's playthings.
“We’ll see what revolution brings.
“Trumpets get set to blow.
“Violins raise a bow.
“You have nothing to lose but your strings.”

All the musicians were united
To see this injustice was righted.
They played in the street
With a powerful beat.
Pinkie Pie came along uninvited.

They amassed in Celestia’s view.
The princess looked down at the coup.
Did she back down?
Surrender her crown?
Nope. She banished the lot of them too.

Fit the Third: The Orchestra

She paid and left whistling a tune.
The gossip then spread very soon.
Friends stopping to chat
Passed on the new fact,
“Y’know Luna can play the bassoon?”

News spread from pony to pony
To the conductor, who only
Directed the best
(Among all the rest)
At the Canterlot Symphony.

“A pony who plays the bassoon!
“Sign her up and find her a room.
“We need this extra
“In our orchestra.
“Welcome the princess of the moon.

“We have flutes and horns aplenty.
“Violins come by the twenty.
“But players of this kind
“Are much harder to find.
“Our bassoonists seat is still empty.”

She went to visit at the soonest,
As she was quite an opportunist.
Luna was pleased,
And gladly agreed,
To be the symphony’s bassoonist.

She practiced her art diligently
By playing the night through intently.
She went with the flow.
She wasn’t to know.
What this would cause consequently.

Fit the Sixth: Twilight's Verdict

“We must all make haste and inquire
If there's a princess we can hire.”
A pony set forth
That day for the north
To beseech the Crystal Empire.

The crystal ponies gave a bow.
“Our princess is busy right now.
“And—let there be no doubt—
“We do not hire her out
“To sort Canterlot household rows.”

The lawyer was one to persist.
“There is one more princess on the list.
“We’ll get Twilight Sparkle.
“She'll fix this debacle
“And see that the case is dismissed.”

“Of course,” Princess Twilight then said,
“In pony law, I am well-read.”
She arrived in town
In a legal gown
With a horsehair wig on her head.

She duly set up the trial,
Which went on for rather a while.
She questioned each witness
To the accused princess.
Their answers were all put on file.

It dragged on for over a week
As each lawyer able to speak
Did much debating,
And pontificating,
With the No. 1 legal code geek.

But once every box had been ticked
She rose to announce the verdict.
She stood with pride.
“Guilty!” she cried.
“Of treason, Luna, I convict.

“I have well considered her right,
“But must hold justice in clear sight.
“As we have heard here
“The law is quite clear:
“Loud noises are banned in the night.”

“This has been so clearly explained,
“There is nothing more to be gained.
“We all learnt at school
“It’s the library rule.
“And discipline must be maintained.”

Fit the Eighth: Lunar Republic

The city was quiet and still.
Silenced at Celestia’s will.
All terribly sad
As the princess had
Exiled every musical skill.

While on lunar soil uncharted
A musical party had started.
There were smiles and glee
In the penal colony.
Luna felt much less downhearted.

For the moon was easy to bear
With all of her friends also there.
They all took their chance,
Made music and dance,
Played and sang, Au clair de la terre.

There was first a short-lived despair
For SOUND CAN’T BE HEARD WITHOUT AIR.
But to fix this trouble,
They magicked a bubble,
And filled it with gas with great care.

Luna crafted this crystalline state,
Where music could now propagate.
It fulfilled their need,
And each pony agreed
The acoustics were simply first rate.

Playing in the light of the Earth
The rebels felt their full worth.
With many a tune
They lauded the moon
At the Lunar Republic’s birth.

Canterlot was quiet instead.
In the library Twilight sat and read.
While unhappiness grew,
Ponies had to made do.
Celestia just stayed in bed.

For a while this quiet endured.
But soon their release was secured.
They would be called back
To fight an attack,
As a new twist of fate occurred.

Fit the First: Canterlot

One evening, the day being done,
Celestia lowered the sun.
Not a moment too soon,
Luna lifted the moon
To show that the night had begun.

Then finding the castle so boring,
She ventured outside exploring.
She went for a trot
Around Canterlot,
With ponies asleep and snoring.

She roamed all the streets through the night
From moonrise until first dawn light,
And beneath the stars,
In nightclubs and bars,
Found company to her delight.

Hearing the sound of a good tune,
She entered a music saloon.
Greeted with cheers,
Food, wine and beers,
She made many friends very soon.

And so she found a new passion:
Live music of every fashion.
Her zeal grew so big
She loved every gig,
Recital and other attraction.

She adored the jazz, soul and blues.
Punk rock never failed to amuse.
But found most magical
Chamber and classical.
Of these she would ever enthuse.

As this new love came to augment,
She yearned to play an instrument.
“I must learn how it's done.
“It will double the fun!
“And be cooler, by twenty percent.”

Fit the Second: The Music Shop

She followed this growing desire
To a top instrument supplier.
The shopkeeper was pleased
And he eagerly seized
The hoof of the prospective buyer.

He cried, “It is just a delight
“To serve the princess of the night.
“It's perfectly clear
“That somewhere in here
“Is the one that will suit you just right.

“This banjo will make you a star.
“As would this electric guitar.
“A simple cello?
“Lovely and mellow.
“Or would you like something bizarre?”

But Luna dismissed every string.
“They do have a lovely zing,
“But I never quite got
“How to tie a good knot.
“I’d hate the trouble that would bring.”

“If strings get you into a tangle
“Why not take up the triangle?
“For a sweet 'Ding!'
“It's the best thing.
“Or I’ve bells you'd just love to jangle.”

“Leave the bells for Starswirl and his hat,
“Or to fix on the neck of a cat.
“It’s a brilliant ding,
“But not quite my thing.
“Percussion’s more Pinkie Pie’s act.”

“Well I’ll bet you’ll never regret
“Tooting a flute or clarinet.
“A small piccolo,
“Bassoon, or oboe?
“With some friends you could start a quartet.

“I feel it’s the woodwind family
“That best fits your personality.
“Our list has been thinned
“To tubes breaking wind.
“Do please excuse the profanity.”

To show this, the oboe was blown
Then Luna cried, “That’s a great tone.
“But I won’t make my call
“Till I’ve tested them all,
“Then I’ll pick the one I shall own.”

An hour passed until she was done
Testing the keys of each one.
When the clock reached noon
She picked the bassoon,
Then smiled, and said: “This is the one.

“Such a timbre—so warm and dark.
“With this beauty, I shall embark.
“My muse is unfurled.
“I’ll play to the world.
“The bassoon will now be my mark.”

Fit the Fourth: Moon Shot

Celestia had retired to bed
With a pack of ice on her head
To help ease the pain
Of a bad migraine.
She rested beneath the bedspread.

As she fell into cake-filled dreams,
Her headache became more extreme,
As the bassoon tones
Vibrated her bones
She sat up and let out a scream.

From the chamber beneath Luna’s floor
Came a cry: “I can’t take any more!
“Just let me sleep.
“You make me weep.”
Celestia hammered on her door.

Luna felt obliged to retort,
“Oh Tia you bad spoil-sport.
“Do not be so mean.
“I play for my team.
“The orchestra needs my support.”

Tia snarled at the bassoon trainee.
“You call that a sweet melody?
“That crass caterwaul
“Is a banshee’s call.
“It’s worse than DJ-PON-3.”

“Don’t you dare insult friends of mine!
“You shallow witless philistine!
“Your taste is vulgar.
“This is real culture.
“Great music is truly divine.”

“Well if you will act the buffoon
And will not put down that bassoon—”
* A spell was cast *
* A star-struck blast *
Luna was banished to the moon.

Fit the Fifth: Legal Challenge

Celestia went back to bed.
The pain dispersed from her head.
She felt at ease,
Happy and pleased.
By morning the news was widespread.

The conductor’s response was rage.
“A princess can do that in our age?
“This is a black mark
“Against our monarch.
“Who does she think she can upstage?”

Remaining ever the opportunist,
She pleaded her case at the soonest.
“We have lots of flutes,
“Horns, oboes and lutes,
“But we can’t do without our bassoonist.”

Celestia would not come around.
She said, “This cacophonous sound,
“That Luna calls a tune,
“Is best played on the moon,
“So we don't hear a note on the ground.”

Musicians leapt to Luna’s defence.
“We must make Celestia see sense.”
The law being thorny,
They hired an attorney,
At quite a considerable expense.

The lawyer tried to bargain a deal
At the High Court of Appeal.
But quite unexpected,
The case was rejected.
“For this sentence we cannot repeal.

“A law an alicorn transgresses
“Is a matter for the princesses.
“We have no authority
“To rule against royalty.
“It must be judged by their highnesses.”

“But Luna is the defendant.
“Celestia’s not independent.
“She holds a grudge
“And will misjudge.
“We need a royal pretendant.

Fit the Ninth: The Restoration

The cute little critters had charm.
At first no one thought they could harm.
We kept them as pets,
But soon had regrets,
As PARASPRITES cause great alarm.

They had such a huge appetite,
That gave everypony a fright.
Somehow they ate
Ten times their weight,
Devouring all cake in a bite.

All those in the know gave a groan.
“They would return, we should’ve known.
“You know what this means.
“We need tambourines,
“Accordions and a trombone.

“Cymbals and a tuba are required.
“A harmonica must be acquired.
“Does anyone know
“How to get a banjo?
“And where can maracas be hired?

“Then we’ll need a band to play them,
“To lure out these critters again.
“A windband and their things,
“And a quartet of strings.
“(Or one pony who can play ten.)

“Only musicians can save the day,
“Celestia, bring them back, we pray.
“Go to the moon.
“Beg them real soon.
“Come home and help us right away.”

The message reached Luna and friends,
Who were happy to make amends.
“However, y’know,
“We’re not ready to go.
“We’ll leave when the music ends.”

“Of course we wouldn’t desert you.
“We couldn’t let the ‘sprites hurt you.
“Once we’re done with our tune,
“We can all leave the moon,
“At the end of this concerto.”

They marched in the city advancing.
The parasprites found this entrancing.
Down every street,
They followed the beat,
Moving with synchronised dancing.

This led to great cheers all around,
Once they were all rid from the town.
“Hurray for Luna and Co.
“What a good show!”
Even Celestia knelt down.

“Sister, I see I was wrong this time.
“Your behaviour was hardly a crime.
“It’s clear your new toy
“Gives you great joy,
“But please DON'T PLAY AFTER BEDTIME.”

A new royal concord was drawn,
And agreed by each alicorn,
With music from seven
To stop by eleven.
Then all must be quiet till dawn.

But of this Luna had not a care.
For if her playing was judged unfair,
She skipped back to the moon,
With her friends, for a tune,
Where they played au claire de la terre.