The Painted Mare

by Mosernous

Rating: teen
Tags: Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, DJ P0N-3, Twilight Sparkle, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance
Length: 7209

The story of Charcoal Easel as he adjusts to Ponyville and all the crazy ponies that live there.

After a horrible 'accident' ends with Charcoal's art store in ruins, he move to Ponyville in an attempt to start a new life. Too bad no pony decided to inform him about the insanity that is Ponyville Ponies. Will Coal be able to struggle through the crazy world of living legends, humorous herbs, insatiable insects, and pretty ponies, AND keep his sanity, not to mention his store? Probably not, but he's still going to try.

Published 2012-08-01 21:44:08 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-13 18:39:10 UTC

The 'accident'

Coal was in the middle of a wonderful dream about beautifully colored cupcakes with rainbow frosting when he was awoken by the banging of someone outside his loft door.

Coal wanted nothing more than to pretend that he had heard nothing. Unfortunately for him, the perpetrator had other plans as yet another set of knocks sounded on his door, reminding him of a poem he had read once.

“A gentle tapping, a rapping on my chamber door,” Coal mumbled to himself as he extricated himself from the entangling sheets. He shoved a lock of his floppy charcoal colored mane from his cloud grey eyes and looked at his steam powered alarm clock.

“8:00 in the morning? Who gets up this early, better yet, why am I up?” Coal asked himself when his question was answered by a heavy thudding coming from his door. The banging was then followed by a voice shouting,” Get your lazy arse up and answer the door, you charlatan.”

“Ooh, charlatan, that’s a new one,” Coal muttered to himself, then louder he said, “Give me a sec.”

“I do not intend to wait outside your hovel for long Mr. Easel. If I decide that I have been left to long I will take this to the local law enforcement, young buck.”

“I just woke up, give me a bit,” Coal yelled back in exasperation.

“Just woke up? What are you, some college foal who needs his mother to take care of him?”

“I swear, if this isn’t important I’m going to…,” Coal then entertained himself with thoughts of various torture methods he could use on the source of this voice. He could tell it was a mare, and she was not too happy with him, but that didn’t very much lighten his list, or his mood.

Coal attempted to rub the remaining red paint from his tan coat away, but it stuck in. He was going to have to take a shower with some heavy duty shampoo if he wanted to get that out. He could always use paint thinner, but that stuff was bad for his fur. He finally trotted up to the door to his loft as a third round of banging started up, whoever it was; they were about ready to break down his door. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Coal threw open his door and put on the best smile he could manage.

“Welcome to Ponyvania Paints, how may I assist you mam?” He said in his ‘talking to customer’ tone.

“About time you answered the door. Yes, there just so happens to be something I am in need of aid for. Do you recognize this,” the old pink-maned, purple-coated mare asked as she thrust a painting in Coal’s face. He didn’t quite recognize it until he saw the familiar drawing pencil surrounded by a slightly heart shaped splotch of red paint in the corner. It was his mark of course.

“It would appear to be one of mine,” Coal answered in his placating voice. Of course it was, it was a sign that everyone in this city should recognize, his art was everywhere after all. It was a painting of the mare in question. It was rather well done in his opinion, the brushstrokes were hidden well, and the shadows were smooth and well mixed.

“Yes, I do believe that is one of mine. Quite well done, if I do say so myself,” Coal answered, trying not to sound cocky, while also not looking like a meek pony looking for another's praise. It was a trait that was required of one who decided to live here, in this high society stew pot. You had Canterlot fashion, Hoofington technology, and Trottingham architecture. Yet, it still held its own, combining all these attributes into a way that only good ol’ Ponyvannia could.

“This is your idea of a good painting? I shudder to imagine the monstrosity of a terrible work,” the mare stated indignantly. Coal’s teeth began to discreetly grind together as a vein began to throb on his forehead. It was taking all of his willpower not to break the painting over the mare’s head.

“I apologize if the painting was not satisfactory, mam. Can you tell me what is wrong with it?” Coal asked, attempting to salvage the situation.

“What’s wrong with it? What a silly question. I asked you to do an exact portrait. And what do you give me? A Painting of some old, ugly nag,” the mare yelled at him. You forgot the total bitch part.

“I do apologize for the fact that you feel this way, may I do something to help repay this insult?” Coal asked, hoping to rectify the situation quickly so that he could get back to bed.

“Why, yes, you could repaint it, making the picture correctly this time. Make me look like my proper beauty,” she stated with a tinge of indignation, mixed with a little pride. Coal couldn’t take it anymore, her attitude, her holier than thou vibe, nor her annoyingly shrill voice. Screw polite, it’s time for a hole ripping.

“I’m sorry mam, I cannot do that, for you see, I cannot tell a lie. Of course, I would sooner tell a lie than paint one. Perhaps if I did an abstract of you that was distorted just enough, it might actually make you look slightly more attractive than your average pack mule, no offense Johnson,” Coal added quickly with a short nod in the direction of one of the street cleaners. Johnson merely waved off the insult and made a motion to continue with the verbal assault, clearly enjoying one of the snooty upper classes getting put in their place. By this time the mare’s eyes had gone from surprise to horrified, and where making the quick track to anger. Coal would have none of that.

“You think you’re beautiful? I bet your hubby tells you so every morning, yes? Well, either he’s blind or a good liar, but either way, you should know that you look about as good as the north face of a southbound horse. Oh, and one more thing, no refunds,” Coal stated before slamming the door in the mare’s face just as the first signs of tears began to make their way to her face. Coal didn’t feel an ounce of remorse or guilt, because he finally recognized the face of the mare. Berry Snoot, from the Snoot family, they originally made their money as zebra plantation owners. They now went through life believing that they were truly better than everyone else. He couldn’t remember accepting the work request. Must have been drunk, or in need of money.

It wasn’t until the dregs of satisfaction and anger drained away that he realized something. Most if not all of his income came from the upper crust, and he’s just insulted the crustiest of them all. I was thinking of moving anyway, but where?

Coal jumped into the shower with a mournful look at his bed, laughing at the thought of sleep with the feeling in his gut. He was finally able to rub the paint out of his coat after the third round of shampoo, that was the last time he splatter painted with oil. He dried off and ran his hoof through his mane a few times to comb it. With a weary sigh he trotted down the staircase that lead to his store proper. He gave a careful once over of the shop to make sure everything was in place and ready for the day, then flipped the closed sign over to begin what was more than likely going to end up being the most uneventful day in his life.
______

Turns out, he had been half right.

The day started out normal, he only got about four customers. It wasn’t till about midway through his scheduled hours that things went down. In all fairness, he should have realized something was going down when the regular street cop didn’t stop by for their daily chatter, but his thoughts had been consumed with wondering of where he was going to set up shop next.

Coal was first alerted to the fire by the stench of burning gasoline. Next came the heat, then the smoke, and finally the flames themselves, licking their way up the foundation of his store. He was too shocked to move, and looking back, Coal realized that, had it not been for Johnson breaking down his door and rushing in, he probably would have burned to the ground with his shop. It turns out that a place filled with oil and lead based paints, easels, dry brushes, paper, pieces of charcoal, and other various art supplies is rather burnable.

By the time the fire fighters had gotten the flames under control, almost nothing was left of Ponyvania Paints. Coal stared at the burnt and blackened facade that used to be the entrance to his store for what felt like an eternity, his eyes hot with the after-images of the flames and his nostrils filled with the smells of his life being flash burned to the ground. Johnson put a companionable hoof over Coal’s shoulders, and after a bit of tugging, was pulling his less than cooperative body to the bar at the corner.

The Dizzy Stallion was not what you might call the most upper classed bar in the world, which was why Coal loved the place. It was old, and a tad grimy, and always full of the smell of cigarettes and alcohol. He loved the place, it was what a bar should be. Johnson led him to the bar and got a hold of Hard Cider’s attention. Hard Cider was a short and stout stallion, run down and yet sturdy, just like the bar he owned. He was the dark brown of bitter beer with a mane and tail the color of cider and eyes the same shade of a dark whine. The bar was abuzz with conversation, most of which was centered on the fire down the street.

Hard Cider took one look at Coal and didn’t even ask what he wanted. He reached under the bar and took out two bottles of his famous hard cider, placing one in front of Coal and Johnson. Coal looked from the bottle to the stallion behind the bar, and nodded his thanks as he took the cap off the bottle with practiced ease and knocked back the entire bottle in almost record timing.

“Better,” he mumbled as the comforting warmth settled in my gut, melting the ice that had settled there. Cider nodded and took out another, popping the top himself and setting it beside the empty. Coal took a slow, measured sip this time, savoring the flavor.

“Oh, Celestia, I can’t believe it’s gone,” Coal whispered, his voice traveling through the unusually quiet room. He glanced around the room to find that all eyes had gone to him, and not a single one of them held anything but sympathy. As one, each of the patrons raised their various drinks in his direction and slugged back a couple sips, then returned to whatever they had been talking about before the fire, giving Coal some much needed privacy. Coal turned back to see Cider rise his own drink and take a shot, something he never did while on the job.

“What am I gonna do now?” Coal asked Cider, he was wise in that way that all the old time bartenders seemed to be.

“Rebuild?” He asked, as short with words as always.

“No can do, I insulted Lady Snooty herself,” Coal said as he took a gulp of the dark amber drink. Hard Cider nodded in understanding.

“Move,” he said, not asking, just knowing.

“Yep, know anywhere good?”

“Cousin in Ponyville, no art store, good ponies,” Cider said, idly cleaning a glass with a cloth from behind the bar. Had Coal been in a more stable state, he might have gawked at the number of words the stallion had just used in one sentence. As it was, all that register was the town. Ponyville? That howdunk little town? Why not, get away from all this prestige.

“Not a bad idea, how far is it?”

“Two days,” he said, not looking up from his glass.

“Sounds like it’s just far enough for my taste. Right then, today, deal with the pain, tomorrow, deal with the travel,” Coal said, knocking back the rest of the cider.

“And the hangover,” Johnson said, finishing off his bottle with Coal.

The town

Charcoal stood at the edge of Ponyville proper, examining the town. He looked at the homely, pastel houses. They were so different from the grey, business towers of Ponyvania, looming down on the citizens. Here, there were no feelings of claustrophobia, just the opposite, open and welcoming. The ponies here were even more welcoming and colorful than the town itself. He was a complete stranger and he had already been greeted by four ponies, all with a happy and genuine smile on their faces.

It was official, Coal liked this town. Oh! Speaking of colorful, here comes a pony whose pink coat and mane was like a glaring beacon. He put on a nice smile and got ready to give away a cheery ‘hello’.

“Hi my name is…” Coal began, only to get interrupted by the energetic pony.

“Oh, I’ve never seen you before, hey my names Pinkie Pie, what’s yours? Will you be my friend? Do you like cupcakes? What’s your favorite color? Do you like alligators?” Pinkie asked, finally pausing to take a breath. Coal seized the opportunity to finish his introductions.

“Charcoal Easel, you can call me Coal, I am new in town, as for your other questions: I don’t see why not, yes, blue, and, I guess their kinda cool,” Coal answered in order.

` “That’s so great, I just know that we are going to be the best of friends, oh, I know what I have to do,” Pinkie said, jumping into the air, and hanging there, seeming to defy the laws of physics.

“Oh yes, and what would that be?” Coal asked, amused.

“I’m going to throw a surprise party, for you to welcome you to Ponyville!” Pinkie said as gravity finally took hold of her and she fell back to the ground. Before Coal could get a word out, she was gone in a flash of pink.

“But, how can it be a surprise party, I already know,” Coal said to himself, before shaking his head with a rueful smile.

Scratch that, Coal loved this place.

“Now to find a rentable place of business,” Coal muttered to himself. Hard Cider told him that something ‘strange and unexplainable’ had happened to the city hall, and it was still under repairs. Because of this, the town library was being used as a temporary house of operations. Unfortunately, when Coal had asked Cider where said building was, all he did was show his facsimile of a smirk and say “You’ll know,” and that was all that Coal was left with. I guess I’ll just have to ask somepony.

He looked around, trying to find a pony that wasn’t busy and had time enough to direct him. He spotted a particular interesting grey pegasus mare. The interesting thing being that neither of her golden eyes, a slightly darker shade than her hair, seemed to be looking at the same thing at once. She seemed to be walking around without a purpose, just enjoying a nice stroll through the town. Coal supposed it wasn’t so much her eyes that really caught his attention, it was the looks that she seemed to be completely oblivious to as she walked along her merry way. The looks weren’t exactly negative, but they were filled with enough apprehension and weariness that it struck a defensive chord in him.

“Excuse me miss,” Coal said, trying to get her attention. She continued on, without taking notice. “Um, excuse me, miss grey Pegasus?” Coal attempted yet again. He could feel the looks of the others begin to shift to him. Clearly not many talked to this mare, Coal was about to fix this. Feeling emboldened by the looks and the not so slight feeling of annoyance at once again being ignored, he decided that it was time to get a bit physical. He stepped into her path, looked straight into her eyes and said, perhaps a bit louder than intended, “Hello miss ‘too cool for you’, I was attempting to get your attention.”

This seemed to get her attention as she looked at Coal, her eyes clouded with confusion and the smallest hint of apprehension. Coal realized that he may have been a bit too forceful with that last one, so sue me, I’ve been alone on the road for that last two days.

“Yes I am talking to you, miss…” I said, my sentence hanging in the air.

“Derpy, Derpy Hooves,” she said, hesitantly. Ya, she might be a little scarred, time to diffuse the situation with a little Charcoal charm. He gave her his best disarming smile.

“Miss Hooves, you do know it is considered rude to ignore someone when they try to get your attention,” Coal said, his tone seeming offended, but the teasing smile on his face took any sting out of the comment.

“Oh sorry, it’s just, well, no pony really talks to me,” she apologized. Coal waved it away like it was nothing.

“No problem, I’m new in town, I just needed some directions and then I’ll be out of your hooves,” Coal said.

“Oh, sure, I can do that,” Derpy said, looking a bit disappointed. That won’t do, Coal was going to fix that.

“You know, now that I think about it, it was a long and lonely trip, and I could really use some company, and some lunch. If you wouldn’t mind, that is,” Coal said, with a hopeful smile.

“Of course!” Derpy said at once, the disappointment gone in record time. “Oh, I mean, ya, sure, sounds cool,” she said, trying to sound nonchalant. Coal couldn’t help the smile that was brought on by how cute she looked with that little embarrassed look in her eyes and the light blush in her cheeks.

“Right then, let’s get to it,” Coal said, starting off in a random direction only to stop after a few steps and turning around with a look of hopelessness. “Where could we find some food?”

Derpy stifled a giggle behind her hoof before she nodded her head to get him to follow her and stated off in the opposite direction he had been heading.

“Say, mister I never got your name,” she said.

“Charcoal Easel, but you can call me Coal.”

“Call me Derpy,” she said, “Not that I’m forcing you or anything, you can call me Derp, or Hoof, or Hoovie, or, you know what? I’ll just leave it to you and stop talking.” Oh Celestia, kill me know, Derpy thought, envying Fluttershy’s ability to hide behind her mane. I always get like this when I meat somepony new. She risked a look at Coal, hoping she hadn’t scared him off. There! She saw the angrily scrunched up eyebrow, the disgusted upturned nose, the upturned corner of his lips, the hoof pressed to his mouth to hold back a laugh, wait, what? Finally unable to hold it back, he let loose a few chuckles.

“I’m sorry Derpy, I’m not laughing at you, trust me, it’s just, where I come from, it’s much more formal, some, not pointing any hooves, might say stuffy or uptight, and this was just the kind of thing I needed. So casual, it feels nice, and a bit unusual. It’s always been a bad habit of mine to laugh when I’m not sure what else to do. It doesn’t help that such a beautiful mare is being so, ‘informal’, I guess, with me,” Coal explained, hoping she wasn’t offended.

“You think I’m beautiful?” Derpy asked, blushing.

Coal froze, “What? No, of course not! It’s just the sort of compliment that you would give where I came from. Not that you aren’t, you know, you look good. Not that I was looking, I mean, we just met, but if I were to know… know… I’m going to shut up now.”

Derpy giggled at the eccentric stallion, “It’s fine, Coal, but just so you know, if you did happen to have done so, I would have said thank you. And I’d say that you aren’t too bad looking yourself.” Coal stood there, not moving as his mind went into overdrive. “Are you coming?” Derpy asked. Coal shook his head, noticing that she had continued walking without waiting for his reply. He attempted to wipe the goofy smile from his face with little to no success and hurried up to catch up with Derpy.
______

Derpy gave him the Ponyville Square grand tour, which consisted of a grocery store, a sweet shop, a few little cafes, and a general store. She finished off with a building that looked like a large confectionary treat of some sort. Only fitting for Sugarcube Corner, the towns bakery.

“I love the muffins they make here, I was on my way here for lunch, actually, if you still want to, you know, join me?” she asked, trying to sound like she didn’t care.

“Sounds great,” Coal replied. They entered the sweet shop together, Coal opening the door for her. Derpy giggled at the gesture, causing Coal to blush.

“Two banana nut muffins and a chocolate cupcake coming right up!” A familiar voice yelled across the store. Coal looked up to the counter to a very familiar glaring beacon of color working behind it.

“Pinkie Pie?” He asked.

“Of course, do you know any other pink ponies? Well, you probably do, but do you know any that are as pink as me? I’m the Pinkiest Piest Pinkie Pie in all of Equestria, so of course not!” Pinkie said with her usual enthusiasm.

“Right,” Coal said, not sure how to respond that. “Uhm, do you work here?” He asked, trying to start a conversation.

“Yep! The cakes are super nice, I get to stay here, and all I have to do is help manage the bakery. Best deal ever!” Pinkie said happily.

“That’s nice. Well, I’ll take a, oh, uhm, ooh, I know, I’ll have a chocolate cupcake, and Mrs. Hooves here will have…”

“Two banana nut muffins,” Derpy said, flushing slightly.

“Right, there you go,” Coal said, hiding a smile.

“Of course,” Pinkie said, smiling, she had been smiling the entire time, never stopping. The constant smiling was starting to get a bit uncomfortable. Don’t get him wrong, smiling was fine and all, but he wasn’t used to this sort of thing. Back in Ponyvania, you were lucky if you got indifference instead of a straight up scowl, but a smile? That was the sort of thing that took two hard ciders, at least, to even dream of.

“Yep, so, how much do I owe you?” Coal asked, getting ready to pull his wallet out of his bag, before he realized something important that he had neglected to notice. “Oh horseapples, I forgot my bags, I must have left them on the moving cart.”

“That’s ok, I’ll take care of it,” Derpy said, reaching into her own saddlebags. She looked up in confusion when one of Coal’s hooves stopped her.

“No, I can not let you do that, the stallion always pays, its polite, or something,” Coal said.

“I thought that was something you did on dates,” Pinkie said from behind the counter. This comment brought an immediate flush from the pair of ponies in front of her.

“What, no, we are not on a date,” Coal said, “I just met her, and, well, no, I mean, its not like the prospect of such a thing is bad, but I of course would never do such a…”

“I was just teasing you,” Pinkie said, giggling at Coal’s flustered state. “You sure are easy to get riled up.”

“Not on my best of days, currently,” Coal muttered.

“Tell you what,” Derpy said, reinserting herself into the conversation. “I’ll pay for today, and, you can repay me by buying me dinner sometime.” She gave him a smile as she placed the correct amount of bits on the counter, she knew the menu like the back of her hoof.

“Okkie dokkie lokkie, your order will be right up,” Pinkie said. Coal stood there, waiting for her to place their order. When he had been standing there for a good while, just staring at the ever smiling Pinkie, he decided to voice his question.

“Are you going to place the order?” He asked, Pinkie blinked at him, as if surprised that he was still there, even though she had been starring back at him the entire time.

“I already did, silly filly,” she said.

“When? You did no such thing,” Coal said. Two lonely days of nothing but sprawling landscape was quickly catching up with him.

“Yes I did, I did it when you two walked in the door,” Pinkie replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Coal opened his mouth to argue when another voice cut in.

“Two banana nut muffins and a chocolate cupcake, made to order,” a dark yellow Earth Pony in a flour sprinkled apron called, placing the order on the counter in front of Pinkie.

“But, how? When? I didn’t… How!” Coal nearly shouted, looking at the treats. “We hadn’t even ordered yet when you placed these.”

“Yea, so?” Pinkie asked, clearly confused.

“How did you know what we wanted?” Coal asked, still starring at the muffins and cupcake as if their existence somehow offended him.

“I’m Pinkie Pie, I always know,” Pinkie said, as if it explained everything.

“But…” Coal started to ask when a sky blue hoof stopped him. He would have been perfectly fine with this, if the hoof hadn’t stopped him via insertion into his mouth.

Coal spat out the offending hoof, glaring at the owner of the appendage, a sky-blue pegasus with a rainbow for a mane and tail.

“You must be new here,” the molester said, as if she hadn’t had her hoof in his mouth mere seconds ago, “Rule one of Ponyville, never question Pinkie Pie.”

“Excuse me!” Coal shouted indignantly. “Do you go around stuffing your hooves in everpony’s mouths, or am I just a special case?”

“Oohoo, looks like we got some fire in the new kid,” the rude little filly said with a smirk, “Carful little colt, too much fire can burn you.”

“What does that even mean?” Coal nearly screamed.

“I don’t know,” She said with a shrug, “but it sounded cool.”

“I thought it made sense!” Pinkie yelled.

“No one asked you!” Coal yelled back.

“I don’t know why we’re yelling!” Pinkie yelled.

“That is a good query!” Coal yelled, stopped, analyzed the situation, and then in a much quitter voice, “I apologize for my behavior, it was beneath me.”

“That’s all right, Char,” Pinkie said, loadly, Coal was beginning to wonder if she ever said anything normally.

“Ya, as long as you’re sorry,” The Blue One said, cockily, Coal was beginning to wonder about a number of things with that one, but they were decidedly ruder.

“You know what! I don’t need this right now, what I need to do is find the library and arrange living arrangements,” Coal said to nopony in particular.

“The library is closed,” Derpy said. Coal started, having forgotten about her. He turned slowly to face her, his slowly degenerating sanity showing itself in a slight twitch of his left eye.

“What?” Coal asked in a deceivingly cheerful tone.

“The library, it’s closed. Twilight went off on an errand to Zecora’s,” Derpy said.

“I see,” Coal said, his head drooping. “What am I supposed to do about lodging?”

“If you’re talking about needing a place to sleep, there’s a motel on 9th street,” The Offender offered her help.

“One, no bits, I left my saddlebags on the moving carts, and two, what is your name!” Coal said, he was running out of offensive things to call her in his head.

“My name? Why do you need that?” The, uhm, colt-toucher?... The blue Pegasus asked.

“Yes, oh laud one,” Coal said.

“Her names Rainbow Dash, but I just call her Dashie, I bet you can too,” Pinkie , jumping over the counter to give Rainbow Dash what appeared to be a cross between a Mexican choke hold and a Philippian Surrender Pin. Knowing Pinkie, what little he did, it was probably her idea of a hug.

“Dashie it is,” Coal said, smirking at the look of anger on Dahsie’s face.

“If you need a place to stay, I have an extra room,” Derpy offered as Coal forgot about her for what was the second time in what had to be less than ten minutes.

“Oh, thanks,” Coal said, blushing. “That sounds fine,” Try awesome.

“Yep, it will just be me, you…” Aww, yeah, just me, her…

“And my husband.” …And her Husband.

Wait “Husband!”

The mare

It was another beautiful day in the town of Ponyville. The sun was shining, the temperature a balmy but reasonable degree, with a nice, gentle wind to work the edge off. All through the town, ponies talked, walked, and enjoyed the day that Celestia had brought them.

All except a certain Ponyvanian Stallion that had taken up residence in the Hoove's household.

Coal stirred, attempting to get back to the land of dreams, when a knock at his door reminded him of why he had woken in the first place.

"'At is it?" Coal moaned out, voice barley above that of a whisper. Fortunately, or unfortunately, in Coal's case, the knocker happened to be Derpy Hooves, mother of two, one of which happened to be a teenager. This made her more than qualified to understand his quiet mumblings.

"Two o'clock in the evening, is what it is, mister. You don't plan to sleep all day, do you?" Derpy asked, covering her mouth to stifle the giggle she had at how young he was acting.

"I was seriously considering it," Coal said, gaining coherency the more awake he got.

"Well, too bad, because you are living in my house, and as long as you are under my roof, you're going to have to follow my rules. One of which is that everypony is up and functional by at least noon. As you can see, I already gave you an extra two hours, so consider yourself lucky," Derpy said, giving the door one more final and firm knock.

"I'm getting up, hold your hooves, geez," Coal muttered, grumbling something to the tune of 'mother hens' and where they could stick their punctuality.

"What was that, dear?" Derpy asked innocently.

"Nothing!" Coal quickly shouted, throwing himself out of the bed and getting into the process of getting ready for the day.

"That's what I thought," Derpy replied smugly. Coal vaguely heard the sounds of her walking away, probably off to terrorize another poor victim for getting their beauty sleep. Coal was stuck looking for his saddlebags for almost five minutes before he remembered that he had forgotten them.

The night before came rushing back. He had forgotten his saddlebags on the moving cart with the rest of his stuff. So desperate to get out of the city of Ponyvania and start his new life in the quiet town of Ponyville, he had rushed ahead of the movers, making the nearly five day trip in only two. His hopes to finding some sort of lodging with the promise of money and loans in the future had been dashed when he found out that the mare he needed to talk to was 'out on business'.

Lucky for him, Derpy Hooves had been kind enough to take him in for a couple of days till everything could be settled. The prospect had seemed promising, just him and a beautiful mare, alone, in a house together. That is, until he found out about Mr. Hooves, first name Doctor.

Though what he was a Doctor of, they wouldn't say.

"That was a bit of an awkward moment, for me at least," Coal mumbled to himself as he patted down his freshly washed mane. He had always combed it back in Ponyvania, appearance always came first there. It felt good to just leave it were it lay. He reluctantly left the warmth of the fogged bathroom, not wanting to suffer the wrath of a housemare on a mission. He trudged to his room, making sure to his hooves made more noise than necessary on the hard wood floor to voice his annoyance.

He thought he caught the sound of a sigh and a whispered 'like a foal' coming from down the stairwell. He stopped at the door to his temporary lodging, admiring the homey little guest room. Sure it was small, but more in a quaint country house sort of way than a old house turned apartment/broom closet. He walked over to the bedside nightstand where he had placed the only three objects he had on him from the night before.

The first two where a pair of leather wrist bands, tough and darkened by sweat that spoke of years of use. Out of place in the old Ponyvania style and sensibility, yet he had never been seen outside of his shop without them on.

Coal slipped them on, tightening the straps that where hidden on the inside, the comforting and familiar feel of the leather's softened edge digging into his leg helped with the feelings of unease coming from the unfamiliar surroundings.

"Look at me," Coal muttered to himself, "barley even a half a week, and I'm already homesick." He scoffed. His gaze was pulled by the third object on the nightstand.

This one made an odd and conflicting mixture of emotions rise in his stomach. His eyes rested on the the soft, but unyielding handle, grooves dug into the sides from being constantly gripped in his teeth. His eyes then moved to the edge, a small, unassuming hilt, polished to a shine. There was a groove going from the top, at the hilt, that led to the bottom. Even though he couldn't see it, Coal knew that there was a blade, sharp enough to cut a single follicle of hair hidden in the groove, able to be brought forth at a slight pressure to the base of the handle.

The switchblade brought up several feelings, practically opposites of the spectrum. The first being that of familiarity and safety. The second was that of guilt and uncertainty.

"That was the past, Charcoal, you don't need it anymore," He muttered to himself, just like every morning, every day. "It's a symbol of things that have come, and gone, you should just get rid of it." This had become as ingrained in his daily routine as the shower and the teeth brushing. The same conversation with himself, every day.

And just like every day, he quietly picked the tool up in his mouth, careful not to activate the spring trigger release of the blade, and tucked away into his left wrist band, sliding it into the custom made slot that was meant to hold it just out of sight, but still within reach of an easy and effortless draw.

"Are you almost done up there?" Derpy's voice yelled up the stairs, nearly causing him to jump in surprise. He shook himself, trying to rid himself of the negative feelings the blade always brings on.

"Yeah, just a sec," Coal yelled back, forcing his face into a look of believable indifference with just a hint of annoyance. A look in the mirror proved the usual flawlessness of his mask. Off we go, to start the day.

****
“Where are you heading?” Ditzy asked. Coal stopped on his way to the door. He had been hoping to leave without alerting the mare of the leave of his presence.

“Out, house hunting,” Coal said, “maybe find some place where a stallion can sleep in peace and quiet.”

“What was that?” Ditzy asked.

“I said, maybe I can find a place with a land-mare as kind, understanding, and caring as you.”

“That’s what I thought I heard. And what? You think you could just leave without a goodbye?”

"It was my hope," Coal mumbled to himself.

"What're you mumbling about?" Ditzy asked, to which Coal silently cursed mothers and their bat hearing.

"I was just wondering why Dinky was running by the kitchen doors with those scissors in her mouth," Coal nonchalantly replied. Watching as the mother instincts caused Ditzy's eyes to go wide as she took off in the direction of the kitchen, yelling about never running with scissors.

Coal quickly ducked out the door with a load but short goodbye, nearly tripping over his own hooves on in his haste to escape the danger zone.

Coal had been walking for all of five minutes when he was blindsided by a lavender blur going at speeds that should be unattainable by those beings of the landlocked variety. It took all of his control to allow the fall and sprawl.

“Ahh!” So the blur had the power of speech, interesting. The tumbling finally came to end finding Coal straddling a young, lavender unicorn mare, her eyes as wide as saucers.

"Oh, no! I am so sorry, I should have been watching were I was going, nice going Twilight. I'm so so sorry mister, it's just that I heard about this sail going on at the quill store and I was like 'Twilight, you should go, because you only have 20 quills and you never know when you might have to pull and all nighter one day for the princess, and you'll run out of quills..." the worried mare rambled on, somehow connecting her lose of quills to the end of Equestria, the opening of Tartarus, the downfall of the Gryphon empire, and, strangely enough, something about Magical Kindergarten.

But that wasn't what really got Coal's attention. neither was the compromising position that the two had ended up in with the mare above him practically straddling his waist, though, he was a stallion, and to be fair, part of his brain was devoted to this predicament.

"I'm sorry, miss, but did you happen to say your name was Twilight, as in Twilight Sparkle?" Coal asked politely, as contrite and to the point as always, even in such awkward situations as this.

"What?" the mare in question asked, thrown off her rant by the sudden and odd question. It was at this point that she noticed their current position, and, blushing and apologizing profusely, got off the poor, in her opinion at least, stallion that she had been sitting on. As she watched the stranger stand up and dust himself off with a few quick pats, she gave him a quick, unconscious once over.

He was a bit on the tall side, with her only coming up to about his shoulder, though he was nowhere near as tall as Big Mac, and not nearly as muscled either. Not to say he wasn't fit, he was trim, lithe maybe even, with a shaggy mane of a dark, black color, I'd almost call it Charcoal' she thought to herself. When the stallion in question had finished brushing the last of the dirt off his once clean tan coat, and turned to look her in the eye, she was struck, paralyzed by the sharp, blue eyes that seemed to see right through her, making her blush deepen.

"I asked if your name happened to be Twilight Sparkle," the stallion repeated, snapping Twilight out of her thoughts. She gave her head a firm shake, clearing her thoughts 'What was that? It was like I was some schoolfilly looking at her crush, come on Twilight, you're a big mare now, use your words. He's starring at me, why is he doing that, maybe he likes me too, maybe he wants to ask me out. Or maybe he's still waiting for that answer to the question he asked about an hour ago.

"I'd love to go o... I men, yes, Twilight Sparkle is my name, that is me, why wouldn't it be, who could be more Twilight Sparkle than me? Ooh, that rhymed, except that it was me and ... me," Twilight was quiet for a second, the look of amusement poorly hidden on the stallions face. "I rambling, yea, I'm going to go jump off a cliff now, bye."

Twilight began walking off in a random direction, hoping to get away from the stallion she had just completely embarrassed herself in front of. She had only walked about three steps before a hoof on her shoulder stopped her.

"Well, for starters, and I've only been in Ponyville for about a day and a half now, so correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the nearest cliff is in fact in the opposite direction," the stallion said, the poorly disguised amusement clear in his voice. But before she could correct her route and head in the right direction, the stallion's hoof stopped her again, pushing her around so that she now faced the owner of the hoof, who just so happened to be the same stallion as before, though he was considerably closer, being within the range of what the book she had read once on social mechanics as close relation distance, passed friendly distance, and definitely passed stranger/new acquaintance distance.

"And secondly, if you were to do such a thing, that would be just awful, for you see, I've been looking for you, Ms. Sparkle, and now that I've found you, it sure would be a waste to my time to lose you now," Coal said, before getting closer, close enough to practically whisper in Twilight's ear, "That is not to mention what a lose it would be to Equestria in general to lose such a cute mare as yourself to something a cliche as suicide by cliff, would it not?"

Twilight tried to search for a response, but nothing came, her face continued to heat up at the closeness of the stallion and his whispered words, before her brain finally came upon an answer to the situation, though it wasn't with words.

The stallion grunted as he caught the fainting mare in his hooves, a look of confusion on his face. "I was just teasing," he mumbled to himself. I guess Ponyville mares are a bit different.

He again looked down at the fainted mare in his forhooves.

"If I had a nickel..."

Author's Note

Sorry for the reallylllylylyllylylylyllyllly long wait on this one, kinda got busy once the school thing started again, you know the one, where you go to school and stuff, yeah, that one. But I think I should be getting them out quicker now. Anywho...

this is Moser signing off

Keep it truckin' Brosephs and Brosephets!