Winter is the most important of all seasons because it marks both the end of one year and the start of the next. Maybe that's why Hearthswarming is such an important holiday. Granny Smith, Big MacIntosh and Apple Bloom all seemed so sad when I told them that Sunset Shimmer wouldn't be joining us again this year; "We always love to meet your friends." Granny Smith insisted. I had to hide my tears because she's very old fashioned and I know that she might never approve.
"When are you going to bring home a nice young man for the holidays? These old bones won't be around forever and I'd sure like to see some great grandchildren before that day comes." Granny Smith was always on the look out for an opportunity to ambush me with that question. I just wanted to hurry up to my room but she wouldn't let me by until I had a piece of the apple pie that she had baked. It tastes different now. It's a taste that brings back bitter-sweet memories of the past year. I rushed to my room after finishing the pie. Looking out the window, as the first snow of the year slowly weaves a white blanket over the fields, I can't help but go back to when it all started.
I felt bad for Sunset Shimmer. Every year the last school bell before winter holidays makes a vagabond of her. But we're her family now. Normally it's all seven of us together on winter break but last Hearthswarming was a patented Extended Apple Family Hearthswarming so I begged the rest of the girls to let me take her to the family farm for the winter holiday and give her a big old Apple family holiday welcome.
I was home alone when I heard the taxi pull up. I threw on a coat and met her outside.
"Hey!" She greeted me as she fumbled with a backpack and a large suitcase in the trunk.
"Well let me help you, sugar cube". I took the suitcase from her, she took care of the fare and we both headed inside. She looked a little nervous. "Relax, you're an Apple now!" I chuckled.
"I just hope I can make a good impression." She sighed.
"You've already won me over and that's all you need." I assured her. She was being nervous for nothing. "The rest of the Apples don't get here 'til tomorrow, let me show you our room." I lead her upstairs to my bedroom. I put her suitcase down on my bed and she plopped her backpack down beside it.
She walked over to the window and stared out as the fluffy white snowflakes slowly painted the fields white. "I never imagined-"
"That a farm could be so pretty?" I interrupted. She nodded and we both giggled together. "You can have the bed and I'll rustle up a cot for myself later."
"Oh you don't have to." She looked down at her feet.
"Now what would Hearthswarming be without some Apple family hospitality?" I gave her a gentle nudge on the arm, hoping for another smile. It was a new setting for her so I could understand that she felt a little nervous.
"Hey do you mind if I?" She went back over to the bed and started to pull some clothes from her suitcase.
"Of course not. You get yourself all comfy and then meet me down in the kitchen. We're on pie duty!" I left her alone in the room to unpack and headed to the kitchen.
I laid a pastry mat down on the counter and pulled out all the utensils we would need from the cupboards and laid them down on top. As I began to gather the ingredients I was startled by a touch on my shoulder. I jumped out of my skin and let out a gasp.
"Sorry for sneaking up like that." Sunset Shimmer apologized with a blush as I turned around, bringing her into view. She was wearing a light floral patterned dress. I'd always figured her as a bit of a tomboy like myself with all the leather and studs but she had transformed herself into a genuine picture of femininity.
"Wow, uh-" I blushed too. "Where's the wedding?" I chuckled. The striking change from her usual getup really caught me off guard.
"You don't like it?" She sighed and hung her head.
"Hold on there, I never said that. I just wasn't expecting to see you all fancied up like that." I put my hand on her shoulder. "Just wondering what's the occasion is all."
"Just dressing nice for the holidays." She chuckled nervously.
"Just having you here is nice, sugar cube." I placed a large pot on the stove and then a mixing bowl on the counter. "Do you want to do the crust or the filling?"
"Well what do you want to do?" She asked.
"Well I am an Apple!" I chuckled as I plopped a burlap sack full of apples down near the stove and grabbed a paring knife. "I suppose that was a trick question then." I smirked.
It was quiet in the kitchen as we went to work. As the apples for the apple filling cooked on the stove a delicious aroma filled the kitchen. Soon it was time to add the spices to the apple filling. The small shaker for the nutmeg was empty. I went to the pantry and pulled out a larger canister labelled "Nutmeg" and it was empty too.
"Looks like we're going to have to run into town for some more nutmeg." I sighed.
"But the stores are going to be so busy!" Sunset Shimmer joined me by the pantry and reached in and rummaged around. "Why don't we add a pinch of cloves instead?" She suggested as she produced a small jar of ground cloves.
"Hold on now!" I scowled at the suggestion. "This is the official Apple family recipe. You can't just go changing seasonings like that!" I reached for the jar of cloves and she playfully drew herself away and headed to the stove. I put myself in her way and reached for the jar again. At first I really was furious but I giggled with her as the game wore on.
"Why don't we just make a little test pie, and if we don't like it we can go buy more nutmeg?" She suggested. It was a fair suggestion. I blushed, embarrassed by my stubborn behavior.
"Oh, alright. I'm sorry I got so worked up."
She opened the jar up and scooped up some of the cloves in a tiny measuring spoon and reached for the pot. I made a playful 'blocking' gesture and as she reached past me her bosom accidentally brushed against my arm. It was harmless and an accident but I felt myself getting aroused. I had always liked boys and I still like boys; but something about her touch that day made me tingle. It haunted my thoughts for the rest of the holidays. It's not like we hadn't hugged or touched each other before but now I couldn't help but think of her differently. The pie turned out great and the new recipe became a hit with the Apple family. Her tone seemed warmer toward me as the nights wore on and we stayed up all night just talking about school and boys and such.
The differences didn't end with the holidays though. At school, any time we did cross paths alone in the hallway there was a strange, nurturing, warmth between us that was always coupled with a brush of the arm or a touch on the back. I tried to spend as much time with her as possible, struggling to understand these newfound feelings for her but I just couldn't tell her. What if she didn't feel the same way I did? What if the whole school found out? What if Granny Smith found out?
Things all changed in spring though.
"Applejack there's something I want to talk to you about." Sunset Shimmer's grim tone caused my heart to quake with terror.
"What is it sugar cube?" I was confused. A silly part of me thought that maybe she had the same secret confession to make as I had even though her tone of voice said otherwise.
"I know you like to hang out like this. But I need you to give me more space. I want to do new things. Meet new people. I hope you understand. I just think we should hang out less." I didn't understand. Her words were surreal and they pierced my heart.
I didn't see much of her at all from then on, only if all seven of us were hanging out. It bothered me to no end to see her acting all casual after hurting me the way she did but I held my tongue. Life went on, though.
Being apart from her I started to have dreams about her, romantic dreams. It was like a scene she might describe from Equestria; castles, pillars and magical forests all around. She would apologize to me for not being there and we would kiss each other. It was the same dream every time and it just left my heart aching and confused.
Before spring break I got my very first boyfriend, Wine Grapes, his name is. Looking back I don't think either of us were particularly stuck on each other. We were just two lonely kids looking to cross all the essential 'firsts' off of our bucket lists and cross them off we did. Even if it didn't work out in the end we both made ourselves a good friend. He knew about my attraction to Sunset Shimmer; I could finally admit that to myself, I was attracted to her(but no other girl). He always told me to tell her but the worry of what it would mean, if it ever got out, kept me from it.
Come graduation Sunset Shimmer wasn't there. Somehow in all the hustle and bustle nobody had informed me that she had quietly gone and finished up in night-school. The seven of us still got together every now and then at the start of the summer. The last time I saw her that summer though was at her 18th birthday party.
Pinkie Pie wanted to make a big deal of it but Sunset Shimmer just wanted to keep it quiet and low-key. We had a slumber party at Rarity's place. Somebody had managed to sneak us a bottle of 'special cider' for the occasion. I hadn't had any but Sunset Shimmer sure did. Sure enough we were the last two to go to sleep at the end of the night.
The girls were all asleep in sleeping bags on the living room floor and she was over in the dining room bathing in the glow of her laptop. I gave out a sigh as I stared over at her.
"Hey." She whispered, looking across the threshold, seeing that I was still awake.
"What are you doing?" I whispered back as I tiptoed to the dining room, grabbed a chair and sat down next to her.
"Isn't he a hottie?" She whispered, pointing to a picture of a guy on the screen who she was typing to. He was indeed handsome, looked college age. I felt a bit jealous but mostly frustrated that I was expected to forget how she had spent half the year just blowing me off.
"I suppose. If you want him, he's yours." I sighed and looked down.
She leaned over real close. "Maybe we can share." She whispered with a tipsy giggle and a devilish smile. The thought sent tingles down my spine. I blushed bright red and I froze up. I forgot that I was mad at her and started to wonder if this was my chance. In all the months thinking about this it was one of my fantasies. I would have to play it cool.
"I-I'd like that." I stammered, placing a hand on her leg.
"Good one!" She laughed nervously as she pulled away. She must have thought I was joking.
"I'm mighty tired myself. You have fun on your computer there." I said nervously before retreating to bed.
We texted back and forth after that incident. It was almost like things were back to normal; but then she stopped replying. Word was that she had decided to go traveling for the rest of the summer. It hurt that she kept in touch with the others but not me. Not even a measly text when my 18th birthday came and went.
The unanswered questions just kept piling up. Could I ever be comfortable, being open, about such a thing? Why only her? Was it only her? I had 'chatted up' another girl online to test that. Everything about her told me that she should be a real knockout but when it came time to meet up it just felt awkward.
When summer ended and college started in the fall my interest went back to boys real quick. There was lots of boys from the other schools around and, among them, plenty of lookers. I was surprised to see Wine Grapes in my agricultural science class, who would have thought that interested him? Of course, I sat next to him. We never talked about making anything exclusive again but things did get physical with us from time to time. I stayed living at the farm so I could still help out on the fields, even got my own little car so that I didn't have to tie up the family truck.
Late in the fall one brisk weekend morning I received a text message that shocked me. It was Sunset Shimmer, just as I had started to get my mind off of it all.
"Hey, it's Sunset." the message read.
This time I was going to be heard. "You've got a lot of nerve. You weren't there for me on graduation, or my birthday or the first day of college. I feel like you've just thrown me away." I wrote back.
"I know I haven't been the greatest friend over the last year. Can we please talk?" She replied.
I agreed and I drove into town and picked her up. Granny Smith was staying with cousin Apple Bumpkin to help plan her wedding and Big MacIntosh was going to be in town for some errands that day so I brought her home to talk. We headed up to my room and she stared out the window as I sat on the edge of the bed.
"It looks pretty in the fall too." She said.
"What did you want to talk about?" I prodded. "Where have you been?"
"I went traveling with some friends over the summer. I guess there was some things about myself that I wanted to know. Can I confess something?" She turned and started towards the bed.
"Well you can tell me anything." I assured her.
"I'm bisexual." She blurted out. The words shocked me. I wanted it to be true for so long but I was stricken dumb by the bluntness of the confession.
"M-me too." I grabbed at the chance. "I mean you're the only girl I think of that way. I like boys and the thought of kissing a girl is mighty awkward but I've thought about you like that a lot"
"Really?" She sat down on the bed beside me.
My heart quivered as I took her hand and then leaned over to kiss her. I felt like this would be my only chance. The sense of awkwardness melted away as we kissed passionately. She pulled away and guided me down onto my back. My heart had reached a thundering march.
"I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately." She said quietly before she scooted down. I knew what was coming and I wanted it.
I didn't hold back in calling out my pleasure. At the all that mattered was being with her and how now I finally had her. When she had finished we held each other as I caught my breath. I was eager to return the favor until I heard a stirring in Big Mac's room across the hall.
It was unlike him to sleep in but he had and he was just waking up so he hadn't left on his errands. How did I not see the truck? Did he hear us? I was in a panic. I quickly thought of any half-truth I could.
"I was up all night studying." I said. "I really need a nap before I get to my chores. Can I talk to you later?"
She didn't seem to pick up on my frenzy. After I had driven her home and returned to the farm I sat on the edge of my bed and stared out the window. I thought of how much I had really wanted to be with her but I feared that Granny Smith would never understand. I didn't know where Big Mac stood on the issue either. I could never keep it a secret. Even if I could it wouldn't be fair to Sunset Shimmer.
"What just happened, shouldn't have. I was seeing a boy and things are starting to get serious." I texted her. It was another half-truth. I asked Wine Grapes to be my 'plus one' for cousin Apple Bumpkin's wedding but we hadn't passed the point of no return.
"Oh." Sunset Shimmer replied. I tried to talk more but she just stopped replying.
I did ask Wine Grapes to go steady after that to force it to be the truth; but we stopped seeing each other after Apple Bumpkin's wedding. The rest of the year I spent reflecting on it all.
That whole Manebook website started getting popular just recently. Just yesterday I looked her up. I sent her a long, heartfelt, message, explaining to her what really happened; that I worried about losing Granny Smith's respect; about how I panicked when I realized Big Mac was still home and acted stupidly. I guess all I could think about was pushing her away to keep the secret safe. When I think about it now maybe Granny Smith would come around eventually. As I stared at the screen hoping for a reply I wondered if the reason Sunset Shimmer had been giving me the cold shoulder all this time was because she felt the same way I did, scared of what others might think. I thought of how cold it must have been getting that text message calling it all off. But it all became moot; the notice on the screen told me the message was read and I couldn't see her profile anymore- she deleted it.
