No Friend

by Commander Joe

Rating: teen
Tags: Violence, Human, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Adventure
Length: 5304

Equestria...a place of harmony? More like insanity!

I'm quickly finding that I don't like Equestria.

On the surface it seems like a pretty cool place. Most ponies are friendly even if you're unfriendly to them. It also helps that they haven't been at war since any of them can remember. Thing is once you've lived here a while, you quickly realize this place makes no sense! And even if there are no wars there's still plenty of danger to go around.

No thank you. I'll just stay inside!

Published 2019-06-17 16:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-07-04 02:12:31 UTC

No thank you!

"Oh...right..." I said to myself upon looking out my bedroom window.

When I woke up I quickly began to fall into my usual morning routine, only to pause when looking outside. I'd forgotten that I was no longer on earth for...some reason...my parents were still missing too.

The world hadn't ended like I thought it would. That was a good sign at least. Based off the way those ponies (as I found out they called themselves) started panicing like chickens with their heads cut off I figured I wouldn't be waking up the next morning. Obviously I was wrong (not that I was complaining).

They had set up some sort of translucent purple dome around my house however. I suppose that made sense considering they probably had no idea what I was and didn't want me sneaking off somewhere. As much as the idea tempted me I had no idea where I would go anyways. There was absolutely no way I was on earth anymore, otherwise I would have heard about a pony civilization by now! In anycase I figured I might as well look around the town from the comfort of my yard, never hurts to examine your surroundings.

"Here's hoping they didn't make it air-tight" I thought to myself. It would really suck if they just left me in here to die on my own.

Upon walking outside I found several alien ponies outside the sheild, each one wearing golden armor and carrying a spear. These guys really aren't taking chances with me huh? Beyond them was the village itself. Besides the haphazard layout and...one particular building that looked like it was made from cake and gingerbread it was just a village...a village with talking ponies...

I still can't understand how the heck I got here. Yesterday made it obvious they didn't know why I was here either. What could do something like this? An act of God? Nuclear explosion? Did someone invent a portal and used my house to test it? I sighed and messaged my black hair. I knew this would keep bothering me no matter what I did. The only thing I could do for now was move forward and deal with it.

Commencing dealing with it.

One of the guards spotted my exit from the house. He jumped almost instantly.

"He-he's back!" The guard alerted his comrades, who then proceeded to panic and run into each other, resulting in three out of the four guards being knocked unconscious...

"...Wow..." I couldn't think of anything else to say. I'd never lost respect for anyone so fast before. The final guard ran off somewhere, probably to tell his boss that I was up and about. That just left me and the terrified villagers to stare at eachother in a tense, awkward silence.

Honestly I couldn't blame them for being scared out of their minds. You think a strange creature showing up in the middle of town is scarry? Imagine being said creature in the middle of an alien civilization he knows nothing about! I walked up to the edge of the dome and watched as the ponies slowly backed away. I mean at least they aren't outright running away?

I won't lie though. It still hurt a bit.

"Hiya." They stopped when I spoke. Though there apprehension was still quite visible. I didn't really know what else to say. I had a hard time talking to normal people, the uncertainty wasn't making things any easier.

"Please...please don't eat us mister monster!" A small grey pony shouted as she hid behind an older light puple mare with an amber mane.

I sighed, that one comment is gonna make everything infinitely harder isn't it? "I'm not gonna eat you...I just wanna go home ok?"

"But...but sis said that-"

"Look I wasn't talking about you ok?" I interrupted the tiny pony.
"I don't eat things that can think for themselves. All the animals back home...they don't talk like you."

"So...you don't eat ponies?" The elder sibling asked.

"No, I don't." I shook my head.

She seemed to calm down a little bit after hearing that. Her younger sibling seeming to settle as soon as she did. Few others followed their example however, and continued to watch from a fearful distance.

It was now that I noticed something else about this pony. Attached to the back of the pony are a small pair of wings! can she use them? They seem disproportioned compared to her body size.

"I-is something wrong with my wings?"

Apparently the purple eyed mare had caught my gaze.

"What? Oh! No ma'am! Or at least I don't think so...I've just never seen a pony with wings before.

"You don't have pegasi where your from?"

"Nope. Just normal old ponies and horses."

"Well then how do you control the weather?"

...

"Um...mister?"

...

"Are you ok?"

"...You control the weather?!"

"You mean you don't!?"

"No! It all happens on it's own with temperature changes!"

"Really! Wow that sounds awful! How do you keep your storms under control without pegasi magic?"

"Magic?!"

"Oh colt..." The filly groaned.

During a rather...interesting conversation with the mare I now knew as Cloudkicker (wow that's an odd name!) We were interrupted by the guard from before, who had returned with friends...a lot of friends...Over a dozen by the looks of it. One in particular stood out with dark purple armor rather then the gold I'd seen on all the others. From the armor, to the subtle glare, to the stiff posture he held as he walked to the shield. Everything about him screemed "Hey! I'm an officer so don't screw with me!"

Well...as much as a being half my size could anyways.

"I am captain Shining Armor! State your business here creature!" He spoke with clear authority. The first introduction I've gotten without a stutter too. That speaks volumes when compared to the other inhabitants of the town.

Also Shining Armor? Seriously what is it with these names?! I didn't dare say such a thing out loud though.

"I'm not a creature. My name is Indie, Indie Calway. I'm a human from the planet earth." I replied. Again to his credit he showed no emotion to my response when the rest of his troop gasped. Really? how was this place still standing if this was the state of their military?!

"As for why I'm here...honestly no idea." I shook my head and shrugged.

"You really expect me to believe that you just showed up right smack in the middle of Equestria for no reason?" He asked in disbelief.

".........Yes? Speaking of which I don't suppose you could send me back?"

"If I knew how I would have done so believe me."

"Then I guess you're stuck with me mister Armor."

"Just call me captain please."

"Sure. So what now?"

"Now, I ask you some questions. Starting with where on this...Earth you're from?"

I paused a moment to think. I usually don't give tell random people where I live if I can help it. From the looks of it though it may be in my best interests to just go along with it. I have no desire to get thrown in a dungeon or something.

"Im...from Missouri. It's part of the United States of America."

This was a lie. Just because I had to answer didn't mean I had to give him the truth. Besides he just said he didn't know how to get me home so how can he doubt me?

If the captain knew I was lying to him he didn't show it and continued his interrogation.

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

Another lie. I'm actually sixteen, but I'd rather not end up in a government foster system I know nothing about. If they even have one at all that is.

The questions went on like this for quite a while. I did my best not to show it but I was happy that we had the barrier between us. I doubted it would actually stop him but it offered a small feeling of safety, I'd take what I could get.

"Alright, I think that's enough questions for now." The captain relented thankfully. Any longer and I don't think I could have taken it!

The unicorn hesitated a second, seeming to debate something in his head. Then looked back up at me.

"I'm going to let down the sheild, but I'll be back as soon as I take care of my debriefing, understood?"

"Yes sir." I nodded.

"Good. Don't make me regret it."

"I don't plan to."

Their guards don't look like much. But then again it's not like I could do any better. I haven't even been camping in years let alone handled a weapon! The captain lowered his horn. The shield disapated to nothing a moment later. Geez...I thought they used some device or something to make that! If one unicorn can make a shield that covers my entire house then what could I do if one of them attacked me...

And yet their afraid. At least most of them are.

Then I remembered something I'd been wanting to ask for a while now.

"Wait captain!" I shouted. I put more emotion into that then I'd meant to.

"Yes?" The white unicorn asked and turned around.

"Have you seen anyone else like me? Anyone at all?"

The captain didn't say anything for a few moments, but something changed about the way he looked at me. He looked...softer somehow. What exactly did I do?

"No. No I haven't." He finally responded.

I gave him a thank you and the captain took his leave, along with the guards that came with him. As I walked back into the house I found myself torn between many different emotions. Relief that I wasn't being thrown into a dungeon, a lot of anxiety that I was doing my best to keep a lid on, and a little bit of curiosity as well. I've only been here for two days and yet so much is different from home!

Home...

The house might be here, but I still haven't seen my parents at all since this happened...I wonder if they're ok?

I hope so.

No Sale

"All things considered I'd say we did well today." Twilight Sparkle thought as she trotted happily into Ponyville, her friends heading towards their own homes.

She could still feel some tension in the air, but she wrote it off as the townsfolk not knowing the dragon had left yet. The two day journey had gotten to a rough start sure. It had taken a little...well...more then a little coercion to get Fluttershy up the mountain but in the end she really stepped up! Watching her stare down the dragon was a sight to behold! One easily worthy of a letter to the Princess.

As she passed by the Carousel Boutique Twilight went through her mental checklist for the rest of the day.

___________________________________________
1: Get home.

2: Make sure Spike didn't eat all the ice cream again.

3: Write a friendship letter to the Princess.

4: Reorganize the low-level magic section.

5: Take a three minute-twenty second bath.

6: Resarch the effects of smoke related
compounds on various spells.

7: Sleep...maybe...
____________________________________________

She decided to keep the list short. She'd already had a busy day after all. No need to push herself too hard.

The trot back to Golden Oaks Library was quick, there seemed to be fewer ponies then normal outside. Then again maybe this was normal? In some ways she was still new to the town, a lot of the more subtle things about it still went over her head. It was something she'd have to work on while she continued her friendship lessons.

"Step one comeplete! Twilight thought as she opened the library door, revealing the cozy interior she was quickly coming to think of as home.

"Now on to step two..." She immediately went into the kitchen. Upon first glance nothing was out of place. No dishes in the small sink by the window, no stains on the marble counters, and when she opened the fidge door the tub of ice cream was left just as it was.

Spike was a good dragon, and the best assistant a mare could ask for. He still had his flaws however. Most notable was his struggle with self control. Most dragons didn't bother with such things, but most dragons were also rude, greedy creatures. Not Spike though, he always put in the effort to be as helpful as possible!

Despite not being his mother she couldn't help being a little proud of him. She'd give him a reward later.

"For now though, step three!"

Pinkemena Diane Pie was ecstatic.

Today had been an amazerific day! Not only had one of her bestest friends stared down a meanie-pants dragon that decided to sleep in the nearby mountain for some reason, but she also spent the day with her other bestest friends! It was a day worthy of a party in her expert open-onion! Though why she had an instrument of tears was a mystery that had yet to be solved.

She would have pondered the ringed vegetable further but was met with something very interesting.

Where there had previously been open air. There was now a house with much flair!

Well...maybe not that much flair. It was a fun rhyme though!

Reguardless of rhymes there was a new pony in town! How had she not seen this before?! When had it happened?! Were they nice?! Was it their birthday?! How had they built the house so fast?!

Eventually Pinkie Pie realized that standing there staring would get her no answers. Which meant...

It was time for a stake out! (Ohhh staaaake).

I was sitting on the couch in the living room. The blinds were all closed and both doors locked. And I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do.

"This place has magic! Actual magic! As in the do-things-with-a-thought kind! And if magic is a thing then who knows what else is out there waiting for me!"

And that wasn't a good thing.

Sure, what I'd seen from these ponies so far hadn't really been threatening. I had spooked them yea but that tends to happen when you suddenly appear in the middle of a town for no reason! However that didn't mean they weren't dangerous. I'd seen one of them make a shield around my entire house! If they could do that then what couldn't they do?

"Well...sitting here worrying about it won't get me anywhere. I'll just have to make the most of it...somehow." I thought while fiddling with a toy car I'd gotten for a birthday years ago.

I did have some cash saved up. But somehow I doubted they would take an American dollar on an alien world. My parents had been planning on making a grocery trip soon to restock on food and other essentials, that wasn't happening now...Hopefully the emergency food supply would last me a week or so. That would probably be enough time to find some work.

At least I wouldn't have to worry about child labor laws anymore...hopefully.

I looked down at the die-cast toy in my hand, and suddenly had an idea.

"Maybe I could kill two birds with one stone..."

Shining Armor was frustrated. Very frustrated indeed.

He couldn't even say for sure if it was justified or not. It wasn't like that...human or whatever he is did anything bad, at least assuming he was telling the truth about being from outer space. Doubtful as that may be, he'd gone through almost every military training course he could get his hooves on. He'd trained against every species known to ponykind and never once did a human ever come up...

In the end he didn't have a good reason to haul the human off to a dungeon. He would keep an eye on him however. Both for the humans sake and the ponies around him. As long as he acted like an Equestrian citizen, Shining Armor would treat him as such.

This was his thought process upon returning to the aliens wayward home. Approaching the door he gave it a few quick taps and stepped back. It took a few moments for the alien to open the door.

("If he's going to be here a while I should probably get used to calling him by name instead of just alien.")

"Good evening mister ali-er...Calway right? I'm here to inform you that under the Equestria's Foreign Protection Laws you will be allowed to stay until your former home can be found. Here are the proper documents you will need to sign." Shining spoke, hoofing Indie a couple thick scroll sheets.

"They've already been signed by the mayor. As soon as you have it signed a copy will be taken to Canterlot Palace to be placed in the archives."

"That's a bit of a mouthful." Indie replied while looking the papers over, a frown slowly descending upon his face.

"I'm legally required to ensure you understand just what it is you are about to sign. Once it's done you will be a temporary citizen, at least until your home is found."

"Huh, that's neat I guess. Thanks man." Indie replied, giving him a lazy salute before closing the door.

"...man?"

("Well, that certainly makes things easier.") I thought trying to calm myself down again.

Ever since I realized just how powerful these ponies are I've been on edge. I felt like it was somewhat irrational but give me a break! These guys could literally kill me with a thought. I'd rather not invoke that wrath.

I went back to the kitchen table where I had been going through everything I wanted to sell. It wasn't a whole lot, just some things I hadn't thought about in years or things I wouldn't need in my stay here. Some of it belonged to my parents, but I'd already made sure not to sell anything they would really miss.

I turned to the large bookshelf sitting in the living-room. I'd already known I would need to get rid of it at some point...guess that was now.

With a small sigh I started to grab some of the less used books off the shelf. I didn't really want to sell them but what was I gonna do? It's not like anyone but me used them and I would really need the money if I had to stay any length of time. I really hoped that wouldn't be the case but better safe then sorry.

It took about half an hour to gather up everything I wanted to sell. Most of it was just old stuff we never used. An old RC car, a DVD player that we replaced with a blu-ray, a bunch of movies to go with it, obsolete PC parts, lots of clothes, some shoes, a few toys, a TV, and a bunch of other things.

With everything gathered up I grabbed the kitchen table, dragged it outside, and started to move everything on and around it. I took care to make sure everything was neat and organized, and nothing was dirty. Cleanliness is important after all.

As I was folding the shirts I took notice of the townsfolk. They had noticed my little set-up but appeared to be more afraid then curious. That or they just didn't care for what I had. Once they saw me they would stop and turn away or try to get by as quick as possible while being discrete...

Well...trying to be discrete. Just because you took a few slow steps first doesn't mean I don't see you galloping off at full speed.

It was so strange. Here I was afraid of the potential threat they posed to me, and yet they were afraid of the teenager who could barely a lift carton of water...maybe it was for the best? The longer they were afraid of me the longer it would take to find out just how far their power went.

It took about an hour for even one person...pony to show up. Surprisingly it was one that I recognized. The light purple colored pony I met from behind the shield before had come back. She seemed kinda nervous but more frantic then anything else. I wasn't even sure if she knew I was there but I didn't want to bother her so I just picked up a book and waited. Pretending I wasn't watching her.

That lasted for at least a half hour and she was still looking. Just as frantically as before.

"Hey, are you ok?" I finally asked her.

"Ah! Oh...uh...yes I'm fine...thank you."

"You sure?'

"Yes I'm...sigh no I'm not. I'm in a bind right now and I could really use some help."

"What's the issue?"

"I was just wondering...well...I-I'm trying to find a gift for my mom. Her birthday is in a few days and I can't find Pinkie Pie sooo..."

"You were hoping I had something?" I finished.

"Yea, but I don't see anything she would like here! If I don't find something soon I don't know what I'm gonna do!"

"If you want we can take a look inside and see if you can find something in there."

"Thank you so much that would be great! Oh! I'm Cloudkicker by the way!"

"Indie, nice to meet you." I held my arm out for a handshake.

Cloudkicker simply tilted her head in confusion.

Welp. I feel pretty darn stupid now. I pulled my hand back and tried to ignore her puzzled stare.

"So, what's your mom like?" I asked.

"Oh! She's probably the most determined pony I know!" She cried, forgeting the odd moment completely.

"She's always going out every day to work at the weather factory in Cloudsdale, she's gotten employe of the month since as far back as I can remember, she even hosts a local fitness group over at the town hall! Though I wish she would come home more often. She almost always-"

At this point I had gotten the idea and started to think about home. My own mother's birthday would be coming up soon. The idea that they could be spending it homeless was...well I couldn't help feeling guity. I knew that made no sense, considering how I got here was still a complete mystery to me. But that didn't make me feel better. Hopefully some outside family was willing to take them in. Heck maybe even miss Allison. She almost single handedly saved my school life for no reason other then simple kindness. It wouldn't surprise me if she took them in.

"Are you still listening?" Cloudkicker asked.

"Sorry, got kinda distracted."

"It's ok. What we're you thinking about?"

"Just home."

"Oh...cool." Cloudkicker was a little confused. Why was he thinking about a place he was already at?

"Do you live alone?" She asked.

"Yep."

"Is that why you moved to Ponyville?"

"...Wait what?"

"Did you move to Ponyville because you were lonely?" Cloudkicker rephrased.

"Uh...not really...I'm actually looking for work."

"Oh?"

"Yea. I'm sort of out of a job at the moment. I came here hoping to change that."

"Hmmm...what kind of cutie mark do you have?"

I stopped just as I was reaching for a book off the shelf.

"I'm sorry what?" I spoke out loud.

"What kind of cutie mark do you have?" She says again, looking a quite confused.

"...The heck is a cutie mark?"

"You...you don't know?! First you didn't know magic existed and now you've never heard of a cuite mark!?" Cloudkicker shouted, making small hops as if to emphasize her point.

"I'm not from around here remember?"

"But a cutie mark! It's like...it's your special talent! Or at least signifies what it is! How could you not know of it!?"

"Probably because humans don't get...cutie marks..." Geez what kind of name was that anyway?

"They wha!-ugh..." Cloudkicker lowered her head and let out an exasperated sigh.

"How bout we talk about something else?" I suggested, trying to calm her down without telling her to calm down.

We looked around for a while longer before she decided I didn't have anything that interested her. But she did say that she would come over tomorrow? That was strange, it was a bit soon to consider us friends wasn't it? Imagine how that would go back home.

"Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart!" Sure thing Jan. I'll come visit you tomorrow!" And they proceed to awkwardly smile until you leave, then call the police and ban you from the store.

Only in my case I didn't want to get anyone involved more then I absolutely had to. She didn't seem the ax murder type to me so I wouldn't do anything for now. I wasn't gonna rest easy for a while though.

Author's Note

I actually wanted to to include more in this chapter. But it's been like three months since the last chapter and I didn't want to keep anyone waiting anymore.

Also writing non-established characters is hard.

Also writing Pinkie Pie is hard.

Also writing is hard.

No Parties Please

I was still sitting at the window when I heard it. Without electricity I didn't have a whole lot to do other than think. I could go out into the village but...I'd rather not. They already seemed spooked by me as it was and I wanted at least one more day by myself anyways.

Apparently that didn't matter though. They seemed to be coming to me instead.

Rustle rustle

Looking outside the dining room window, cracked just enough to let some of the cool air inside, I could hear someone moving around in a bush that hadn't been there before.

"The heck?"

I went outside and walked around the house to where I'd seen the bush. Sure enough there it was, sitting there in all its leafy green glory. There were a few ponies on the street still, but most of them seemed to be actively avoiding me. I doubted I could get any useful answers out of them.

I walked up to the bush, hearing it rustle more and more as I approached. Was someone seriously using this to spy on me?

"You know if you really wanted to stalk me there's a house like thirty feet away with a perfectly good roof on it?"

A pink blob popped out of the bush.

"That wouldn't work at all silly! I'd fall right through!"

...

...

...

"Oh! Also hiya! I'm Pinkie Pie!" The aptly named Pinkie Pie yelled from the bush she was poking her pink head out of. How I didn't see that giant pink mane of hers I may never know.

Did I mention that she's pink?

"...Hi?" I replied.

"What's your name?"

"Indie..."

"Great! Your party will be ready as soon as I figure out what cakey I should bakey!" She cried with a grin bigger than any I'd ever seen on someone that wasn't a cartoon character.

"Wait, party?" I asked both surprised and worried.

"The party I'm throwing for you! Silly!"

"Since when?"

"Since now!"

"Why?"

"Because parties are fun of course! And a great way to welcome new friends!"

"Sounds to me like throwing away a bunch of cash for someone you don't even know."

"But I do know you! Your name is Indie, you came to Ponyville because you were lonely-"

"Wait what?!"

"Sushy, I'm not done yet! Your favorite color is blue, your favorite ice cream flavor is chocolate, your favorite car is the DeLorean not that I know what a DeLorean even is or a car either but I'm sure I could find a way to get one to-"

"Hold it hold it! Holy crap lady how do you know all that?!"

"I'm the town party mare! It's my job to know!"

"But you just said-"

"Anyways I gotta get going now that you found me out! See ya later alligator!" The pink terror jumped out of the bush and trotted down the road into town.

What...what just happened?

I looked down the road where the pony had gone. No one else seemed freaked out by her...whatever that was. But that didn't mean I wasn't! Was that something that everyone could do? How does she do it? She knew things that should be impossible for her to know! Wait...

Could...could she have been the one who brought me here?

That thought settled any doubt in my mind. I had to find her and see what she knew.

Not today though. Today would be my final day of keeping to myself, before I would have to go out anyways to try and find work. Just in case
the crazy pink lady couldn't get me home.

Author's Note

So...it's been a while.

I know this is short but it's just to get me back into the swing of things while I also properly plan this out. I know what I wanna do here. It's just a matter of figuring out how I wanna go about writing it down.

Prologue

I have many questions...

The most important ones being where the heck am I?! And what the **** are these things?!

Just a minute ago I had been at the table eating my dry cereal, thinking about how I was gonna pitch my newest idea to the boss. I'd been wracking my brain on this pitch for the past two weeks and was getting nowhere. The lack of feedback from my co-workers wasn't helping either. But hey, what's new?

Then I heard a knock at the door. Who it was I had no idea. No one was supposed to be coming over, and I didn't remember ordering anything? I opened the door, fully expecting to see a bustling city behind some door-to-door salesman.

What I got instead was the closest thing to the exact opposite you could possibly imagine...

Looking up from the impossible sight of a small amber horse my feet (seriously this thing is like half my hight!) I could see a herd of even more horses grouped up on my front lawn...very colorful horses...

"Wait that's not my lawn..." I thought.

And indeed it wasn't. On top of the...aliens? I could also see clusters of equally colorfull buildings behind the crowd.

Definitely a change from Portland, Oregon.

"Um...E-Excuse me s-strange creature?" The amber colored horse in front of me began to speak. I looked down straight at her, this only seemed to make her even more nervous then before.

Also why is this horse saying things?

"I-I just wanted to-to w-welcome you to our fair town! We've never seen somepony...quite like you before..." She breathed a shallow breath. Her smile seemed very strained. And that was definitely sweat running down her face.

Why does this horse have expressions?

"And...w-well the town was wondering...just what you were visiting us for?"

I didn't speak for...well I'm not sure how long. I'd heard what the horse said to me but I could hardly process it. And here I thought nothing could get to me anymore! How were my parents supposed to get home!?

Oh geez my parents! They'd been out running errands before! Now when they got back they'd find nothing but a pile of dirt! And with how much they could worry I absolutely knew they wouldn't take it quietly.

You know those times when your asked a question and you get the feeling that whatever you answer will change your life forever? Well that's what I was feeling at that moment.

It figures that my answer would be the worst possible response I could have given.

"I need a steak..."

And then the world ended.