Ponyville is fucking weird, dude.
No, like seriously. The mares outnumber the stallions five to one, everyone uses magic, and because you're a guy, they treat you like a fucking child. Forget the fact you're three times any of their sizes, right?
Yeah, they've got some weird matriarchal shit going on. It's not that bad, but it does result in stallions acting a bit more, well, fruity than you'd expect. You don't mean straight up gay, just turning into gossips and drinking wine in the middle of the day.
And here you were, being a bit of a hypocrite, drinking wine and gossiping with your stallion buddies in the middle of the day. Well, your stallion buddies and Bon Bon, but she was a lesbian so she kinda fit in like the rest of you.
Thunderlane was attempting to recount his last date with a Wonderbolt called Surprise, swilling his drink around and shaking his head every couple of seconds as if he was only just remembering how drunk he was. Needless to say, his words were coming out in a barely coherent babble, but everyone listened intently regardless. It was about as interesting as things got around here.
"A-and so I was, like, instantly starstruck because hellooo, it's a freaking Wonderbolt!" Thunderlane slurred, his eyes momentarily drooping. "So I let her take me out, and we go to a nice restaurant on the edge of Cloudsdale. She was a gentlemare at first, paid, even let me get dessert!" Everyone 'ooo'd at the dessert part; any mare that would pay for the triple chocolate sundae at the end of a date was usually a keeper. "I. was. smitten. boys."
"Well, what happened next?" Caramel asked excitedly, poking at his friend, who simply shook his head. "Come onnn, don't keep us in suspense!"
"Well, boys, you know what she was after in the end, don't you?" Everyone waited with baited breath, including you, who had secretly began to enjoy drama, and after letting things build up for a moment, Thunder subtly shifted his eyes down his own body. Everyone took note of exactly what he was talking about. "She only wanted me for my body! Moment she was done with me, she might as well have booted me out of the door! I tried to make her eggs the next morning and everything!"
"Heh, that's where you want wrong!" Bon Bon perked up, rosé in hoof. "You always come across as sooo clingy, Thunder, I'm surprised she let you stay for that long! You need to stop coming on so strong to mares, and then maybe they'll see you for more than what you've got between your legs."
Personally, you couldn't see the issue with mares just wanting to fuck you, no commitment. Again, Ponyville is fucking weird, dude. But you kept listening anyway, because gossip.
"Oh, like you're one to talk, Bon," Thunder responded, his voice all fierce and snappy. "How many times have you gone off chasing after Lyra now?"
"That's not fair!" Bon Bon defended, her eyebrows knitted. "Me and Lyra were actually in a long term relationship, you just swoon over every mare that so much as buys you a drink."
"You bitch!" Thunder gasped, brandishing his glass so loosely that it looked as if it might fly out of his hoof at any moment. Bon Bon gasped too, which caused Caramel to gasp, which proved to you that gasps are as contagious as yawns.
But you needed to defuse the situation. Change the subject, change it fast. What's on your mind right now, what are you good at talking about? In a perfect eureka moment, you threw your hands out, signalling both of your friends to back down, and cleared your throat. "So, Thunder... what'd she do with you?" Thunder raised an eyebrow at him, and of course, you had to give him more to go on. "Y'know, once you got back to hers. Did you fuck?"
Thunder blushed on the spot, fanning at his face with a hoof. "Honestly, Anon, you're so depraved! I never know what to do with you..." Thunder looked around, but it seemed that by upping the gossip ante, you'd succeeded in getting everyone else just as interested, Bon Bon even losing her death stare. "Ahem... If you must know, we started out with some gentle kissing, and then, uhh, slightly deeper kissing, and then she introduced her tongue and I 'eep'd a little, and after that—"
"Can we just skip bases one to three?" you sighed, realising just how monotonous having another person describe sex to you could be.
"Fine, she sucked on my stallion parts. Are you happy now?"
You tilted your head, pronouncing your words slowly. "I mean... are you? Also, man, just call it a 'blowjob', that shit you just said was fucking creepy." Also you were more than a little peeved about how angry Thunder sounded to have been sucked off by a mare and then be sent on his way. Dude didn't even fuck her.
"Okay, well, yes, she gave me a blowjob. Wanted more, too, but I wasn't prepared to go all of the way... stop giggling, Caramel!"
"Heheheh, I'm sorry, you just sound so cute when you say dirty words," he giggle-snorted, shaking his head. "I haven't had a good blowjob in a long time. A lot of mares just want me to go down on them, aren't very considerate of my needs, but I remember one I had a few months ago that still feels amazing even when I just think back on it."
"Oh?" You couldn't help but lean your head forwards. Caramel had always been a little more open about his sex life, and somehow, being the most traditionally camp of the lot of them seemed to get him the most tail. Fucking horses, eh? Still, you were curious enough to prod him further. "So, what was so special about this one?"
"It wasn't just special," Caramel said with a short laugh, his eyes wistful as he stared past you into the distance. "It was magical."
Well, shit, that sounded promising. Honestly, you'd been in Equestria for a good six months now and hadn't had so much as a kiss on the helmet, so the idea of any blowjob was enough to have you interested, but a magical one? "What made it so magical, then? Can you describe it?"
"I... honestly, really can't. It'd be too... just no. You'd have to go and see for yourself." Caramel didn't bother lowering his voice, simply continuing on in front of everyone. "Go and see Pinkie Pie if you really want to know. She'll show you what I mean."
Hold on, wait, Pinkie Pie? "What, so she just gives out blowjobs to whomever asks?"
"Yup," Caramel nodded.
"That's about right," Thunder added.
"She actually got Princess Twilight to cast a spell that gave me a cock just so she could suck me off," Bon Bon finished.
"...huh. How was it?"
"Magical."
"Okay, so..." You surveyed the room, looking from one of your friends to the other in turn. Friends you'd had for months now. Friends that knew just how long you'd gone without any form of sexual contact. "So you guys are all telling me that you've had Pinkie before, that she just gives out these 'magical' blowjobs, and that not one of you ever thought to mention it to me?"
"If it makes you feel better, she asked after you a couple of times, wondered if you were ever planning to give her a try," Bon Bon replied. "That was a couple of months ago."
"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING."
"Eh, slipped my mind."
"Too busy dealing with Lyra's restraining order, more like." You snarled at her, looking at each of these traitors in turn. How could they not have told you?! Blowjobs were like, your favourite thing, and they were all off having them without you! It was like going out for milkshakes and not offering to pick one up for your buddy, or covertly committing war crimes in a third world country to distract the world from political scandals, only much more monstrous.
You stood with a pointed glare, eyes broing into each of them in turn. "I'm going to get my free blowjob sundae." You said it so vindictively, as if you expected the words alone to wound them, but none of them looked too upset by the notion.
Thunderlane spoke up, however, raising a hoof. "You know, part of the reason we decided not to tell you—"
"So you were in cahoots," you interjected, eyes becoming sharper, teeth showing. "The plot thickens."
Thunderlane sighed. "Part of the reason we decided not to tell you was that when we say magical, what we mean is that... how do I put it? Ponies have a certain type of magic that's intrinsic to their body, one that—"
"Allows them to have super blowjob skills, sure. I mean, this is Pinkie Pie. Thinking about it, I'm honestly not to shocked." You heel turned then, looking back at all of them anime freeze frame style. "Thanks for everything, guys, but I've gotta go see a horse about a job." You then paused, thinking over your words. "You know what? fuck it, that was terrible. I'm gonna go get my cock sucked, because none of you have never managed to do it for me. Later, Judas crew."
As soon as you left, your 'dick wet imminent' strut in full throttle, Caramel looked to Thunderlane. "He does realise we're not gay, right?"
Thunderlane raised an eyebrow. "Aren't we?"
Bon Bon chimed in. "Honestly, at this point, I think we're just whatever's convenient."
The three of them nodded and then potentially fucked.
You were as livid as you were curious as you walked through Ponyville. Your strut had simmered down into a more moderate stroll, as you were getting a lot of odd looks and honestly it made you hunch your back too much. Sugarcube Corner was right in front of you, patrons still lining up.
You cut the cue and headed inside, spotting Pinkie Pie as quickly as you could and walking up to her as she served a pair of customers. "Anon! Have you finally come here for a Special Limited Edition Pandora's Box Pinkie Pie Blowjob?"
"Pinkie!" You weren't going to bother questioning how she knew, or what the fuck any of that labelling meant, because you were too fixated on how she'd blurted that in front of two customers. That said, both the stallions turned to face you instantly and uttered in unison. "They're magical."
Okay, that did it. If you were about to form any doubt, it was shattered by the repetition of that oh so fucking teasing phrase. "Yes, fine, blowjob please. Not here, I imagine?"
"Nooo, not here. Children might be present!" (But they aren't. Children just don't exist 'on screen' in my stories.) Pinkie gestured to an open door leading to a set of stairs. "We'll go to my bedroom, I find it's where I do my best work!"
"Your best work?" you repeated in ignorance as you watched her ascend the stairs. She lifted her tail to the side, giving you a nice view of her supple, firm flanks and the little pink slit nestled between her legs. Blood rushed to your head, both heads.
"That's right! My specialty blowjobs are an art form, Anon, and you never know what you're going to get! That's why they're so magical!" You finished walking up the stairs and ended up inside her bedroom, a pink thing with pink curtains and pink wallpaper and pink bedsheets and pink pinks. Her fuchsia mane flounced as she turned to face you, a wry smirk on her lips. "That said... I think you'll be a long one." She stole a glance at your jeans, where a bulge was already hardening, forming. "Maybe a giraffe!"
You had no idea what the fuck she was talking about, but come to think of it, you basically never did. You shrugged, vocally said 'fuck it' and began to unbuckle your belt as she watched, eyes studying and running up and down your body. You'd never have figured that Pinkie had any interest in you, but right now, it was really beginning to look that way.
She was offering to suck you off, after all. Then again, she apparently did that for a lot of ponies, so maybe it wasn't a big deal? Eh, whatever. You dropped your pants, bulge now much more prominent against your briefs, and she let out a wolf whistle as she dragged you over to the bed, sitting you down on the edge of it. "Jeeeeez! Looks like you're packing some serious heat! This is going to take, like, two minutes and twenty seconds to deal with!"
Pinkie began setting a timer and pulling down your boxers even as you smugly grinned down at her. "Please, I'm pretty sure I can last longer than—" you cut yourself off, sucking in air through your teeth as she took a single, solitary lick at the base of your cock. Her tongue might have been the softest fucking thing you'd ever had the good fortune to feel. She manipulated it in an expert fashion, the type that felt as if it required a doctorate to understand, running up and down and all over you length, lathering you up as you let out the first of many groans.
Just a look down at her was enough to make your cock twitch and bounce against her lips, she looked so fucking cute with her eyes lightly closed, your length guiding her mouth. She licked over your balls, taking her time with each of them, and then when she was done ensuring that you were evenly lubricated all over, buzzing and feeling your body clench from the raw feeling gripping you, she went in for a second round of teasing, even very lightly nipping at your thigh.
It all felt fucking astounding, and when she looked up at you, so innocent and cockhungry, it only intensified the experience. You'd gone for so long without any kind of attention like this (thanks to your friends) that you were ashamed to admit just how hard you were already, how close you were to busting just from the sight of her. You could imagine yourself shooting thick loads of your seed over her face, one after the other, glazing her in the middle of her own bakery. That'd be pretty fucking poetic.
"Sooo," she said between licks, trilling on your tip as she thought over her next words. The vibrations that shot through you from that movement were so perfect you could scarcely describe them. "So. You wondering why I do this?"
She carried on stimulating you with a hoof as she spoke, rubbing up and down your length in quick pumps. "Err, you like cock?"
You could swear a 'ding ding ding' went off in the background. "Correct! But also, I feel as if ponies deserve to have a little more fun injected into their lives! Stallions especially, mares can be really, really inconsiderate of them! So I try to do two things: provide a laugh, and make you make a mess! How am I doing so far?!"
"Surprisingly well," you huffed, pushing your hips up a little if only to match the motions of her hoof strokes. "This feels incredible, I can't lie. Better than anything I can remember before now."
"Heh, we haven't even got to the magical part yet! Watch..." Pinkie slid her hoof down to the base of your cock, and slowly, gently, tortuously, she began to lower her lips, parting them and wrapping them around your head. You watched in awe as she pushed her head lower, lower, her tongue tapping at the underside of your shaft in a pattern that almost felt like the playing of an instrument. It might as well have been one, she could make you sing with it.
Once she was a third of the way down, she pulled her way up. You were much bigger than her, at least three times her size, and naturally, that meant that your cock was pretty large in comparison to her also. Even if she was the best, you wouldn't be shocked if she had trouble taking more than half of your length, let alone three quarters.
But still she persisted, without even a pant on her part. She dribbled out a measure of spittle onto your length and rubbed it in before sliding her mouth down your hardness again, slow and deliberate with her movements, knowing exactly how to turn and twist her mouth and work it in conjunction with her hooves to give you the maximum level of pleasure that you thought was even possible, maybe even beyond that.
And she didn't seem to tire. You looked to the timer to the side, feeling as if an age had passed, and were shocked to find that there were still fifty seconds on the clock. She'd only been playing with you for a minute and a half? No way! You felt as if you'd been there for a solid hour by then, the rising pressure in your groin not abating no matter how you wanted it to, how much you wanted this to carry on, and when you began to look weak, look susceptible, Pinkie advanced on you.
She pushed her mouth halfway down your cock, the walls of her throat so tight, hugging your length and begging to milk your tip. With perseverance that you scarcely believed feasible, she continued to take more and more of you, looking down at what was left of your length the whole while. She was determined, you were certain, and she wouldn't stop until she'd taken everything she could, put it away inside her and been your little fuck cushion.
And you were happy to accommodate her, even if by now, you desperately wanted to thrust. It would be so easy, just start pushing forwards and smashing your cock as far down her as it could go, feeling the slide of it and sending your senses crazy. It had been so long that you were near fervent, mad with desire, but you could keep it contained for now, barely. If you were in any other situation, you might have caved, but this felt too fucking blissful right there and then to break for any reason.
It'd be sacrilege, it would be the disruption of magic.
And right now you were feeling very passionate about the preservation of that magic, whether that meant edging or holding out, staying put or taking charge, all you knew was that you needed more of this, this wonderful, all encompassing feeling of completeness Pinkie was bequeathing unto you with each lick and slurp of your cock from the inside of her mouth.
It was only when she got three quarters of the way down that she finally stopped in her swallowing conquest, looking up at you with a smile in her eyes. You could always tell with Pinkie, she was in her fucking element right now, happy as hell. She pulled back slowly, and it was then that you realised that while it felt amazing on the way down, it was somehow different, almost better on the way up, the reverse motion pulling up over your head and the rest of your shaft.
You couldn't decide which you liked more, but you had plenty of chances to compare as she sped up, moving her head up and down at a steadier pace than before, rhythm constant, breath coming out in short pants from her snout, eyes once again dutifully shut.
Thirty seconds on the timer, part of you was beginning to wonder if you'd last that long.
Pinkie was going to make sure you didn't. Her throat was like a vice, squeezing and taking each inch of you in the most infuriatingly wondrous manner imaginable, your eyes scrunched shut as you began to wonder whether you'd left Equestria, Earth, or any other real world behind and drifted to a place where pleasure was breath that was stolen away only by another wave of repetitively growing sensation that teetered on the edge of explosion, further and further with each passing second...
And you needed more of it. You began pushing your cock further into her maw, pounding hard, but she could take it, she could take all of it. You'd never seen someone deep throat you like that, let alone a pony so small, yet she handled it like a pro, all the way down to the base. The feeling when you finally hit the limit of her, the limit of yourself, it was something beyond all that had preceded it. It made you cry out, grip her mane in your hands, praise whatever gods had put you in this world and beg for this moment to never end.
And it only intensified, if such a thing was possible. Pinkie began to wrap her tongue around you in a way that only allowed you to imagine her tongue as a writhing snake, moving and brushing from side to side, round and round in the most complex, intricate, and immensely satisfying of patterns with no signs of halting, of abating, the pressure and the feeling alone welling up inside you until you threatened to burst from her fabulous display of skill...
Until finally, when you were teetering on the edge of critical orgasm control failure, she pulled her head away in one fluid motion and looked to you with a grin, going back onto her hind hooves. "Taa-daa!" She did some form of jazz hooves then, shaking them like one might at the end of a performance, and you looked at her as if she was fucking mental, which she was.
"Wh-what do you..." You looked down to where you expected to find your madly twitching cock, and you were shocked, horrified, amused, and horrified again all in one as you realised what she'd done.
She'd twisted your still hard cock into a fucking balloon animal.
A fucking balloon animal.
"Told you it'd be a giraffe!" Pinkie sing songed, hitting the now beeping timer to the side with a hoof and then going to grab a camera. "Say 'best blowjob ever!'" and with that, she snapped the thing, and there was a flash of bright white light.
"WHAT THE FUCK PINKIE."
"What? You don't like giraffes?"
"WHY IS MY COCK IN THE SHAPE OF A FUCKING GIRAFFE." You paused, looking at your poor, mistreated manhood. You tilted your head. "AND WHY DOES IT FEEL SO GOOD."
"Don't worry! It'll go back to normal in a moment, that's part of the magic! All I have to do is..." She leaned down, taking a small, tentative lick against the giraffe's 'neck'.
And you came all over her fucking bedroom. 'AHHHHH OH MY FUCKING FUCK OH GOSH WOW. FUCK.' doesn't describe the pleasure you felt from this, but it was about as well as you could manage to articulate as you emptied your load all fucking over the place. Seriously, you caked that bedroom, and not in a weird incest family pun way.
And the whole time, Pinkie just stood there looking proud, open mouthed even as she too was basted in it. "Make sure you tell your friends, Pinkie's Special Limited Edition Pandora's Box Pinkie Pie Blowjobs are always around and ready to be tried out!"
You came down from cloud nine slowly, afraid that if you rushed it, your soul would never actually return to your body, but go right through it. Amidst the pants, you spotted Pinkie amidst the cum explosion and narrowed your eyes. "How can they always be around if they're limited edition?"
Pinkie Pie looked at you as if you were an idiot. "That's seriously what you're questioning right now?"
Good fucking point.
You had a giraffe dick for a minute there.
One point to you. Get fucked, Thunderlane.
Also, Ponyville is fucking weird, dude.
