It was a glorious day in Ponyville, as it always seems to be. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and the town was as close to bustling as it ever gets. The streets were full of busy ponies going about their business.
There was a little race about to start, nothing major or dangerous
Whoops Ah hope those wires weren’t important.
Well not too dangerous.
The time for preparations was complete; or at least as good as it was going to get. It was time for the contestants to go to the starting line.
Relax, it’ll run fine, we didn’t need those spark plugs any way
The racers reached the top of the hill, and sized up the competition.
How is that thing hold together this long? I can’t believe they’re actually competing with that
Alright it’s time to show them what the crusader can do
MOOOOOOMMMMMMY I DON’T WANNA GO DOWN THIS a GONNA DIE.
The first racer called out
“Hey Scootaloo, how did you manage to get that ugly wreck on wheels up on the hill”
“ THE SAME WAY YOUR MOM GETS OUT OF BED EVERYMORNING,”
“WHAT, HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE CROWBAR?”
“NO WITH A, wait what? What crowbar?”
“UUUUUUHHHH NEVER MIND SHUT UP, WE’RE GONNA CRUSH YOU”
“You’re welcome to try”
The race of course was a very dramatic affair, full of terrifying turns, dramatic falls, and death defying stunts.
Actually that’s a lie, it was just a 20 second race to the bottom of the hill, but it was dramatic in its own way, the appropriately named snailsmobile wouldn’t move at first, so a do over had to be called, and the Crusaders kept claiming that team Tiara was trying to sabotage their vehicle, “By removing the wheels when no one was looking”, eventually however, against all odds, and much to the chagrin of one Diamond Tiara, the Crusaders eventually won the day when mysterious white aura surrounded their box, oh I mean “vehicle”, and pushed them an extra half an inch to victory.
The crusaders were very excited, but sadly did not get their cutie marks.
There was another there that was more than a little upset with the turn of events.
“ I SWEAR REVENGE ON YOU CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS”
No one really noticed or cared, and figured that it was just Diamond Tiara being a “poopyface soar-hoof loser” But Diamond had a secret weapon in getting her vengeance.
“I now call the ancient order of the blankflank brigade to order.”
“Diamond who are you yelling to, it’s just the two of us.”
“SHUT UP, any way, WE ARE HERE TO DISCUSS THE ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION OF OUR DREADED AND ANCIENT ENEMIES, THE ANCIENT ORDER OF THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS.”
“Wait, so we’re here about that? Why did we need to get these tacky robes, and why are you using the royal canterlot voice?”
“Siiiiiiiiiiiillver, would you please just let me have a bit of fun, God you have absolutely no sense of style.”
“Please, my dad would appreciate it, he wouldn’t like it if we woke him up from his nap.”
“Fine, but only if you wear the cape.”
“What ca….. oh that, I wasn’t gonna say anything,”
“Just put it on.”
*Sigh*”Fine.”
“Anyway can I continue now.”
“Go ahead, Illustrious leader.”
“ITS HER ENLIGHTENED MAGESTY AND YOU KNOW IT.”
“Fine then your enlightened majesty and you know it, go ahead.”
“Thank you, now as I was saying we are here to discuss plans to destroy the evil Crusaders, they have gone for too long without finding their talents, that’s why I propose trick them into an evil God and-
“Have them get away with it just like they did last time, and I don’t want to get peanut butter snow out of my mane again.”
“Fine then how about this, we create a gossip column, have them write it, expose them, so that everyone will hate them and tear them limb from-"
“I hate to interrupt you again, your enlightened majesty, but we tried that too, do you not remember how that turned out?”
“Fine give me a minute….
“How about”
“NO WE ALREADY DID THAT AND WE AGREED NEVER TO SPEAK OF IT AGAIN”
“I wasn’t going to mention the walruses I was just going to suggest breaking them apart.”
“Hey that actually isn’t a bad idea”
“I know the only thing is we have to figure out how to turn them into glass”
“Never mind, I have an idea, instead of killing them why don’t we break them up on the inside.”
“I guess that’s a good idea, but how would we turn their insides to glass”
“No you moron, I mean hurt their feelings.”
“Okay I guess we could, but how could we hurt apart the terrible trio?"
"Who?"
"Their terrible leader Madame Bloom, the Rolling Disaster, and THEY WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED.
“Wait... you mean Apple Bloom, Scootalloo, and Sweetie Bell, right?
“OH COME ON what’s the point of having a secret society like this if you’re not even going to follow the rules”
“I never wanted a secret society”
“Totally beside the point”
“Any way why don’t you shut your mouth and let me come up with an idea that isn’t completely stupid”
“Well we could”
“What did I just say”
“I got it, why don’t we just get Twilight to teach us a spell to make ponies feel bad.”
“Oh yeah that’s a great idea, why don’t we just go waltzing in and ask for that black magic……wait a minute, you may have a small idea there.”
“I do? I mean of course I do, all my ideas are great”
“Come on, Diamond, I’m feeling a sudden interest in skin art”
“What dya mean?”
“I think it’s time to give the crusaders exactly what they want.”
“Oh, Okay, then, HIIIII HO SILVER AWAY”
“Diamond,”
“Yes Silver”
“Why are you sitting on me”
“Well you are my glorious steed right, its right here in the founding papers”
“Diamond”
“Yes Silver”
“Get the buck off”
It was a quiet evening in Ponyville, as it always seems to be, the moon was high, a quiet breeze was blowing through the town, and the last ponies from Pinkie’s daily celebration were finally staggering back to their houses. The entire town was quiet, the local eateries, and the parks, even the local library, known for its night-owl keeper.
The librarian, had finally settled into bed, after a hard night of, I’m not exactly sure actually, science, magic, the quantum mechanics of friendship? Anyway she had finally finished whatever magic…y science…y thing that she had been working on and was looking forward to a nice Nights rest.
Yup it was just going to be a nice quiet
Wait
What was that bump just now?
Maybe I should go check it out?
Nah, it’s probably nothing, I’ll just go to sleep and OHMYGODTHEREITISAGAIN.
Maybe I should call for Spike, he’s a dragon, maybe he could light them on fire or something.
Spike wake up
spike wake up
SPIKE WAKE YOUR LAZY DRACONIAN SELF UP
Twilight then found herself with a pillow stuffed firmly into her mouth.
Ok fine, don’t help me, we’re all just gonna die.
Maybe I should just go down there, odds are its just somebody who wants to talk with me, then kill me and ransack the library.
Oh Celestia, I need to barricade the door so they can’t kill us.
One chair, three bookcases, a bed, and a (sleeping) baby dragon later.
Ok I should be safe
Crap I need to go to the little mare’s rooms
Okay, I’ve got it , I’ll just run there and I won’t die, now to unbarricade the door.
One chair, three bookcases, a bed, and a (apparently a very heavy sleeper) baby dragon later.
Okay, I’m gonna go, on three,
One, oh Celestia
Two, I’m gonna die
Three, okay let’s do this
Four, wait what?
CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE
Wait there isn’t anyone down here.
Just then, she noticed a little note on the table
We borrowed a book from the library, don’t worry we will return it when we are done,
Sincerely, the BFB
“Well that’s just great” thought Twilight, as she filed the note in the overflowing “we borrowed it” drawer.
“Why doesn’t anypony ever just check out books normally?”
I’d like to call this meeting of the Blankflank Brigade to order.
Wait your still on the Secret Society thing?
Yes I am.
Wow, normally you give up on these things by now.
NAME ONE OTHER TIME I’VE EVER GIVEN UP ON SOMETHING.
Do I really need to bring up the country club? Or the city club? Or the “Daring Do appreciation club, that in no way is meant to exclude the Cutie Mark Crusaders?”
Hey, that last one is still going on at the moment.
Yeah, and might I ask, how many members does it have?
Six, Me, You, Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo, Applebloom, and Sweetie Bell.
And you don’t see anything wrong with this?
Not really, I mean it has three times the membership of our secret society doesn’t means more it should be 3 times more powerful?
I’m not going to dignify that with a response.
So anyway, on to business
…
First order of business, the raid on the Celestial Library of Magic, History, and, Science was a great success,
All you did was go into a library, that wasn’t even locked, and swiped the book.
It was still a great success, I even left a note or they might not have been any the wiser the book was even gone.
Wait why did you leave a note?
We’re borrowing the book, we need to leave a note, how else will they know?
We could just tell them.
And reveal our master plan, that would mean suicide for our order.
Oh so we’re an order now are we? Look, we’re getting off task, I looked at the book, and we can’t do it, not on our own anyways…
Curses, looks like we’ll have to abandon this plan, and disband the BFB, this will go down as the darkest day in our history. What was the plan anyway, you never told me…
That’s because you ran off before I could really explain it, I was even being cryptic about the whole body art thing, isn’t that what you wanted?
Yes definitely, the more cryptic the better, but I still want to know.
Fine, basically my idea is that we’ll give the CMC false cutie marks to try and break them up, okay?
…
What?
You could have been a little more cryptic there
Oh just shut up. It’s a good plan either way, and we even have a spell that could do it, but we’re going to need a whole chicken, a bunch of magic markers and something called “Fakitrelywel”.
So what’s the problem, we’ll just grab all three, and cast the spell.
Well first of all, neither of us are third level, I’m only second level, and are you even certified at all?
The test was full of trick questions, it asked for a name and date and I put some down.
Oh no, that’s right, you couldn’t fill out the application right.
That doesn’t prove anything.
Yes it does, quite a lot in fact, anyway we’re going to need to find someone to cast the spell.
We’ll just cross that bridge when we come to it.
That doesn’t even matter right now, because we can’t get any of the ingredients, the only chickens I know of are Fluttershy’s, and she is very protective of them.
I’m sure we’ll think of something… Besides, the markers don’t sound too hard to find.
Well they wouldn’t be, but these are magic markers, there is a big difference.
Oh yeah what is the difference?
…
What was that?
[size=6]I don't know[/size]
I’m sorry I didn’t hear you Silver
[size=8]I don't know[/size]
Oh could you say that one more time
I DON’T KNOW OKAY, BUT I’M SURE THEY HAVE SOME WEIRD SPECIAL PROPERTY OKAY
Don’t worry I’m sure we can figure it out.
Diamond I swear to Celestia I am going to kill you
I love you too Silver.
*sigh* Anyway, its all moot because I’ve never even heard of “fakitrelywel” and there are no references that I can find anywhere.
Oh OH I totally go this one, don’t worry, I’ll see you later, I’m gonna go get a little lost in the everfree forest.
Okay, I guess, see ya.
Wait she was kidding right?
…
No, of course she wasn’t.
*sigh*
I really should follow her, I swear she’s gonna get us both eaten.
