Autumn Blaze Teaches Kirin Sex Ed

by Nebbie

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Non-consensual, Sex, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other
Length: 1487

The story of the final straw that led to Autumn Blaze's banishment, and why there are only about a dozen Kirins.

Why are there only a dozen Kirins after over 1000 years? Why does every living Kirin seem to be in their 20s or 30s? Why are there three times as many female as male Kirins? How do Kirins make babies? Let pre-banishment Autumn Blaze explain!
It's not like they can tell her to stop...no matter how insane she is.

Warning: Lewd and rather dark comedy ahead.

Published 2018-09-29 19:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-09-29 19:40:01 UTC

A Presentation on the Life Cycle of Kirins

Author's Note

For mapping non-Autumn Kirin character names to what they look like (names should be canon after changing from made up ones):

Rain Shine's the big one.

Fern Flare's the darkish tan with orangish-brown mane one.

Cinder Glow's the purple with green mane one.

Winter Flame's the blue with orangish-yellow mane one.

Sparkling Brook is the blue with brownish-grey mane one.

A Presentation on the Life Cycle of Kirins

Autumn Blaze was enjoying yet another fine day in the Kirin village. Her activities were the only things keeping it interesting with every other Kirin silenced, and today, she had scheduled a doozy, wanting to make sure they were all educated on how Kirins reproduced.

When it was past midday, she set up a large chalkboard on a wooden stage quite quickly. "Alright, everykirin, it's time to learn about Kirin reproduction! I know most of this is review, but I also know that nokirin's been 'screwing' since we all lost our voices, and you'll need to have some idea how to do it when mating season comes!"

The other kirins slowly came over and sat before the stage in a few rows, most looking bored, especially Rain Shine in the center-front. Autumn Blaze greeted them with a smile somehow larger than the rest of her face.

"Okay, so this is a presentation on the Kirin lifecycle!" she said, pointing to the title atop the chalkboard.

As nokirin really responded, she kept going. "First of all, let's go over the thing I'm sure you're all itching to know about: Sex! You see, most animals in nature reproduce sexually, and Kirins are no different; in fact, when we're not completely silent, male Kirins often become so incredibly horny that, if they don't have a partner, they'll grab a female at night and hump her without a concern for things like consent, the volume of the screams, or even whether they left the oven on!" She finished with a chuckle at her own joke.

Some of the females in the audience looked worriedly towards the three male Kirins, hoping that they wouldn't discover the cure like Autumn Blaze had.

"Now, obviously you're all here to know just how Kirins do romance and the mechanics of getting a big long dong into a little tiny hiney. Kirin romance is all about deepness, a tie to nature, and music; my play actually was a really great overview, to the point that Fern Flare and Winter Flame almost got engaged! In fact, I did a lot of research by hiding in the bushes and watching them for hours on end...really boring when neither of them talk."

Fern Flare and Winter Flame shared a look of annoyance.

"Anyways, unlike most of you, they did actually 'bump uglies'! And I've got pictures!" Autumn excitedly began showing photographs. "Here you can see some awkward rubbing as Winter Flame tries to find the hole, and here you can see Fern Flare looking...well, bored, but rest assured she was annoyed by the lack of lubricant. Oh! And here you can see their dopey expressions as he nuts inside her! Isn't it great?" Autumn Blaze looked out with a huge smile, holding a photo that showed the two just barely less bored-looking than usual.

The two were in a state of shock, mouths agape. Rain Shine came up and put a hoof to the photos to indicate Autumn should put them away. "What, you want copies? Don't worry, I've got enough for everypony, but I won't give them out until this is over, can't have dessert until you're done with supper!" Rain Shine sighed and gave up, doing charades to indicate she'd met brick walls that listened better than Autumn.

"Now, let's talk about the basics of pregnancy and the lifecycle overall. Unlike most creatures, us Kirins can only reproduce once every 20th year in the middle of winter. The female's reproductive system produces its two most fertile eggs." She spent a few minutes drawing what the fallopian tubes and interior areas looked like. "The eggs are in two separate areas, one that only allows in sperm that would produce a female, and one that allows in any sperm, ensuring twins with at least one female. After 12 months of gestation, the two come out of the womb like a triple-bean-burrito out Winter Flame's butt, and I can definitely say that isn't slow!" Winter Flame didn't seem very amused, but Fern Flare almost chuckled.

Autumn Blaze proceeded to spend the next 10 minutes drawing an incredibly detailed image of the messy nature of birth, showing lots of blood and some feces, with convenient labels. One of the female Kirins in the audience, Sparkling Brook, promptly lost her lunch. "Sorry that my drawing here just can't do justice to the absolutely beautiful miracle of birth, but take my Dad's word for it that the sights and smells are simply to die for! He said he cried the whole time." The audience stared with just a hint of wanting to run very far away and hide in a hole lest Autumn Blaze show them anything else she thought was "beautiful".

For another 10 minutes, she went on about every excruciating detail of her own birth, as her parents had told it to her. Cinder Glow developed a bit of an eye-twitch, making her the most expressive of the bunch.

"Moving on, Kirins develop very slowly, even compared to ponies. It's not until age 18 that we're sexually active, which is good because it's important to keep our population small and young so none of us push outside the boundaries of our village and destroy Equestria. When the offspring grow up, we execute the parents along with the few most aggressive of the new generation, limited to one per twin pair. Oh, such fun times; Mom's severed head blinked three times, a record!" The audience cringed, and Sparkling Brook looked about ready to lose her breakfast too, but thankfully, there were no drawings this time.

"Speaking of the aggressive ones, I'm sure you're glad my brother's no longer around to drag you into his bed, Fern Flare. I must admit I loved watching, but those were some screams. Ah, he was a good kisser too, even tongued me a little when I smooched his severed head!"

Fern Flare buried her head in her hooves.

"Okay, now that we've gone over the whole life cycle, let's focus on those details of how our genitals work. I'll need a volunteer of each gender from the audience so I can sketch what the outside looks like!"

Rain Shine and Winter Flame reluctantly stepped forward.

"Ah, excellent. Winter Flame here is likely to be the lucky male that gets to impregnate the unpartnered females. Now, Rain Shine lives a life of celibacy as she's our leader, but her vulva is absolutely beautiful. Sometimes, I stare at it for hours for inspiration when I'm bored!" Autumn somehow managed to miss Rain Shine's mild glare of annoyance as she lifted the two tails.

Soon, the last empty space on the chalkboard was filled with detailed sketches of the exterior views of the two's bits with labels like "a bit flabby", "perfect", and "yummy". "Now, up next is the interior, and showing just how something can fit into the pussy or a dick." Autumn brought a dildo made of carved and lacquered wood out of apparently her own ass and began spreading the leader's folds. "It seems small now, but it's very flexible, now if I can just get the tip in there..."

As soon as the dildo touched the leader's vagina, a hoof struck Autumn Blaze across the mouth. Rain Shine looked mildly annoyed.

"Um, is something wrong? It's just a demonstration. Oh, do I need a bigger dildo? I've got one that barely fit in both of Fern Flare's holes when I ambushed her in the outhouse to test it..." asked Autumn.

Rain Shine and all the other Kirins began doing various charades trying to explain with only their hooves and heads that Autumn was insensitive, gross, an absolute sociopath, in serious need of a bath in the stream, and, according to Fern Flare, "a coconut penis riding a surfboard" or something similar.

It took Autumn a few minutes, but she eventually put together the disparate complaints. "Oh, I'm...sorry, I just got really caught up in things and felt the need to educate you and...you know how it goes when you're on a roll and talking a bunch, right?"

Rain Shine shook her head sternly, and pointed towards the stream of silence then to the path into the deep forest.

Autumn Blaze gulped. "Right...well, I can't live without talking...I guess banishment it is..." She trotted out, waving sadly, as the others looked on with what could be said to be disdain mixed with sadness, if you squinted a bit.