Anon slammed down the empty cup, the chocolate milk sliding down his throat and into his stomach, before letting out a sigh. “I’m sorry about last week, Discord. I don’t know what came over me.”
Discord looked up from his jug of milk. “Whatever do you mean, Anon? We didn’t meet up last week.”
“What do you mean, we didn’t—” The human sighed and rubbed his temples, closing his eyes. “I’m sorry, what?”
“The last time we met up was two weeks ago, when we played mini golf in Celestia’s snatch, remember?”
A smile came across Anon’s face. “How could I forget that? Although almost drowning in pussy - quite literally - is something I can kick off my bucket list and never do again.” Letting out a satisfied sigh, a serious look came over his face again. “But nothing happened last we—”
“Did anything happen last week?” Discord looked at his eyes inquisitively. “I’m pretty sure I went vacationing in a null dimension or something because there’s a big gap where some of the—”
“Anyways,” Anon coughed and took another swig of chocolate milk and coughed, “I found out my girlfriend was a chronic liar and was pulling a Tyler Durden.”
“The fuck is a ‘Durden’, Anon?”
“Don’t worry about it. Anyways, she reached and hit some places that I have no fucking clue she could reach. Like, she’d need to bend her spine in some really weird directions to do able to do that.”
“You know ponies can survive being hit by a train and being fired out of a canon, right?” Discord leaned back in his tire swing, taking another quaff of his cow queef.
“Oh, right.”
The two sat in silence, the sun beaming brightly through Fluttershy’s window, probably causing Anon sunburn because ponies didn’t supply any sunscreen he could use.
Racists, all of them.
Anon opened his eyes, only to see Discord showing very obvious signs of being stoned. Taken aback for a second, and after blinking a few times, he stopped leaning back in his seat in faux shock. “Discord…uh, what the fuck? Did you just take drugs or something?”
His red-eyed gaze shifting towards Anon, Discord could only give him a wide, wobbly grin. “Smoking milk is pretty intense, you should try it.”
“…You don’t smoke milk, Discord. Who the fuck smo—”
The front door of the cottage slammed open, causing Anon to nearly fall over in surprise, and he whipped his head over to see Fluttershy standing in the doorframe, her hoof holding the actual door wide open. “Discord, what did I tell you about smoking chocolate milk?!”
Anon had a variety of questions on his tongue but was cut off by Discord groaning. “Fluttershy, just because smoking is bad for you doesn’t mean it’ll hurt me. I’m immortal, remember?”
Fluttershy shook her head, stomped up to Discord, and gave him a disappointed stare. “You know how I feel about smoking, Discord.”
“Fine, fine.” With that, Discord put down his jug of chocolate milk, which Fluttershy picked up and began pouring into the bong she had under the table.
“Remember, Discord, you can only eat and bong chocolate milk in the household. Is that clear? We don’t want to set a poor example to guests.”
“Wait, wait, wait.” The two non-human beings looked up at the human in surprise. “First, you don’t…smoke chocolate milk. Second, that’s not how a bong works, Flu—”
Anon could only watch in awe as Fluttershy slumped to the floor, completely zoned out from reality. “Discord, w-what milk did you get?”
“Um, I think 2%?”
The yellow pony groaned and tried to get onto her hooves. “Damn it, I told you to only get skim milk! You know what any% of milk does to me!” And she went straight down to the floor.
“Alright, you two, get out of my house.”
The two not-humans looked over at the is-human, and Discord rose from his hammock, somehow managing to stay on his two foot appendages. “You can’t just kick us out, Anon! We’re just getting started!”
“And that’s why I want you out before you finish. I don’t even—How the fuck do you smoke chocolate milk?”
“We’re bonging it, Anon.”
“Shut the fuck up, Fluttershy, that’s not a thing.”
“So you don’t want any more chocolate milk, Anon?”
“No, Discord, I think I’ve had enough chocolate milk for today. Get out of my house.”
“Are you discriminationing against us for smoking chocolate milk?”
“What— you just said you’re not smoking cho—”
“I think he’s discriminatingtions against chocolate milk smokers.”
“Not cool, Anon. You know a lot of people use chocolate milk for medical purposes, right?”
The two humans-in-an-alternative-universe feel themselves being lifted, carried across the living room floor, and thrown out of the open door, unable to do the dinosaur by the human-in-this-universe. Fluttershy looked back at Anon. “Pl-please, Anon, just let us stay over a bit. A-At least to wait un—”
“No. Take your window as well.” With that, Anon took Fluttershy’s window off his wall and tossed it to her, before slamming the door after them.
The two binary-zero-humans simply sat there, dazed and very drunk, unable to comprehend the world around them.
“I should call Twilight,” Fluttershy groaned, only for her heart to sink a little. “Oh no, I left my communication crystal inside.”
“Then go get it.”
“B-But Anon’s going to be mad at me…”
“ANON! FLUTTERSHY LEFT HER COMMUNICATION CRYSTAL INSIDE. CAN SHE COME IN AND GET—”
The door flew open, smacking Discord in the face and knocking him out cold. “Fine. Get in here, get your shit, and go.”
Fluttershy gave Anon a soft smile and stepped in, only for the door to be locked behind her. She turned towards Anon. “A-Anon? What are y—”
“So this is how it’s going to go: I’m going to bong some cow queef out of your queef box. Sound good?”
“B-But Anon, you said you d-don’t know what—”
An unspecified time later, Discord awoke to the sound of Anon’s door opened, for Fluttershy to stumble out and begin walking up the stairs. “Let’s go home, Discord.”
“What took you so long? I was unconscious for forever!”
Fluttershy looked at her friend dead on his eyes. “He smoked— sorry, dabbed the chocolate milk out of my pussy.”
“Wait, what? That doesn’t make sense.”
“I am really drunk right now Discord, don’t bother me.”
Discord rolled his eyes. “Okay, do you at least have the communication crystal?”
“Uh, I think he used it to score a birdie in my ovaries.”
“Okay, fuck it, I’m just going to teleport home, alright? Rainbow Dash, bring Fluttershy home please.”
Rainbow Dash tumbled out of the closet, her face flushed. “Y-Yeah, sure, I’ll do that.” With that, Discord nodded and vanished.
Rainbow Dash looked over to Fluttershy. “Do you think Anon would let me in if I asked?”
Author's Note
Look, I don't know either.
