I Don't Think I'd Like To Live There
"So although I may go, I'll be coming home soon
Cause I don’t want to live on the moon"
Luna stood in the shadows of a nearby building, listening silently as the song ended and Anon returned to his quiet walk through Ponyville. Single tear drops fell onto the soft ground beneath her hooves, but there was no emotion on her face. No sadness, anger, or happiness.
Only shock.
"So... it's been five hundred years now," Luna said gloomily, finishing her two hundred sixty-fifth drawing of Celestia being attacked by a bear, this time roughly four times bigger than the last one she did, which would be enough to cover her used-to-be castle twice. "I can't even tell if she can see them, but I’ll be damned if that will stop me!"
When the elements banished Luna to the moon, it also destroyed the nightmare living within her mind, cleansing her and leaving her purified. She didn't know if her sister was ever going to get her back though, so she was stuck there, left to her own devices.
She started walking. It didn't mattered where. She had walked over the entire moon at least hundred times, and knew it better than her own used-to-be castle. Damn, did she mention how much she missed having a castle? Or having staff willing to do her bidding? Or anyone at all to talk to?
"I AM NOT GOING MAD!" Luna yelled into the lack of air, clearly not going mad. "I AM PERFECTLY FINE! SCREW THE MOON AND SCREW CELESTIA! I DID NOTHING WRONG! CURSE YOU SISTER! I WILL RETURN! I'LL BE COMING HOME SOON!"
The lack of response from space made Luna stomp in frustration for the seven thousand six hundred forty-fifth time.
"Princess Luna!" A voice snapped the princess out of her flashback, making her jump in surprise.
Fluttershy stared at the dazed princess, confusion filling her mind. "Are you alright? You really seemed... off."
"Ah... ah, yes, I’m sorry, I was... thinking. Deeply," Luna said, blushing lightly.
"It's quite alright, Princess. It happens to all of us, doesn't it? But surely you didn't come to Ponyville just for a walk, did you? Don't tell me something big is happening again! I don't know if I could handle another monster attack!"
"No! No, it's, uh..." For the life of her, Luna could not remember what she came to Ponyville for, her mind completely focused on Anon and the song he sang. "...It's not a monster attack. Don't worry about it. But you are right, I should go now."
Luna took to the air, quickly leaving Ponyville behind her and heading back to Canterlot, her mind troubled greatly.
What was that song? Why was he singing it? And why does it vex me so?! The past is in the past, I’m over it now!
She landed on the balcony of her castle and made her way into her room, where she found a servant cleaning it. When she heard Luna's hooves click on the floor, she panicked for a moment. As soon as she saw her princess, she sighed in relief and bowed.
"Good evening, Princess. I’m sorry, but you startled me. I thought you were going to Ponyville to investigate the sudden appearance of timber wolves?" She was a light blue unicorn in a maid outfit, with a blonde curly mane and short tail.
Oh. Oops. "Yes, I uh... I just forgot something from the palace. I'll be on my way soon."
"It's quite alright! I haven't finished cleaning your room yet, so I’ll get right back to it!"
Luna nodded and walked over to the exit, trying to figure out how long it would take to make her servant think she actually forgot something. Why do I even care? She's just a maid, she will not question her princess!
"It's quite a beautiful night today, princess,” the maid said before Luna could close the door.
"...Yes, it is."
"Sometimes I think how nice would it be to visit the moon!"
Words froze in Luna's throat as her eyes went wide.
"Haha! I knew it!" Luna yelled triumphantly. "They called me a fool, they thought I was crazy! But I KNEW THE TRUTH!"
She stared at a star constellation, one that had not been discovered by any astronomers in Equestria. By her own calculations, it would appear once every two hundred years, and only under specific circumstances.
"The fools! They did not listen, and now here it is! I've only ever seen it as a little filly, but now I know for sure that it's real! I shall call it... Celestia's Arse! How do you like that, sister?! It's almost as big as your arse!"
Luna fell silent for a moment, thinking.
"...Maybe astronomers have discovered it today as well? And named it something else?"
She began pacing back and forth, muttering to herself for a long while before finally stopping.
"That's it! If I can't go back to Equestria, maybe I can bring something from Equestria to me! I'll grab the famous Astronomer’s Club and bring them here and show them this constellation myself! Then they'll have to call it Celestia's arse!"
Luna's horn started glowing brightly, so bright that it could blind anyone standing within a few miles radius. Insane amounts of energy shot out and started pulling something from the planet, straining the princess greatly in the process. She knew that even if it was possible for her to teleport something from Equestria to the moon, it would take a lot of strength and would most likely put her in a state of uselessness for years.
But she was at the point where she no longer cared.
She closed her eyes and grit her teeth, and with one last tug, she teleported something onto the moon. It took effort to open her eyes again, but she didn't expect what she saw.
It was a dummy, fashioned after Luna herself, with a wooden body and a head made from a coconut and a blue blanket. A single note was placed on the body.
Luna shakily walked up to the dummy and looked over the note, where only a single word was written.
Behave.
A long howl into the night marked the eight hundredth year of Luna's banishment.
"Are you alright, Princess?" the maid asked softly, looking at her princess with concern. "Should I call the doctor?"
"...I'm fine,” she responded calmly, trying to keep her panic down.
"Are you sure? You look pale..."
"It's quite alright. Please go back to your task." Luna hurried away, a bit too rushed to look unsuspicious. She wasn't even sure where she went, she just had to get away and find a secluded place to calm down.
After another minute of walking, she found a small side room for personal meetings between the nobles, Celestia, and herself. She peeked in, and once sure that the room was empty, she walked in.
It was a rich, comfortable looking place, with red velvet covering the walls and furniture. A fire place was facing the door with a table and a few comfortable looking sofas placed next to it. There were a couple windows on the side, from which the gardens were visible.
Luna sat down on the sofa and sighed. This night is not going smoothly. Not at all. Maybe I should talk with my sister, tell her about what I’m going through?
...
...No, I shouldn't wake her up for something so trivial as my past, she knows I can handle my emotions. I need to go back to Ponyville, then I'll have only a few more tasks ahead, and I can turn in for the night.
And it will all.
Go.
Well.
"I am calling your bluff, sister! I'm raising you five hundred bits!" Luna threw a crudely carved D6 dice, which landed on five.
"See! I knew it! I just sunk your war boat!" she yelled, after which she grabbed a handful of dust and threw it at a small drawing of Celestia being attacked by a bear.
It had now been nine hundred ninety-four years since Luna's initial banishment to the moon.
She fixed her new cape, which used to be her new sister's hair at some point, and stood up from the ground. She took some time to run around and let her cape float for a moment before she settled down next to her new sister.
"Only you ever liked me, Coco! You and I could easily overtake Celestia and her disgusting castle! Who even likes that castle? It's so horrible! I'm fine where I am! This place is much better than a castle!"
"I couldn't agree more, Luna!" Coco responded. "It would really serve her right to taste her own medicine!"
"Oh, just imagine the irony if I banished her to the moon instead! Or screw it, to the sun! She likes her sun so much, she should try living on it for a bit, huh?"
"Don't worry Luna, soon we will be free!"
"Oh, you always know how to make me feel better, Coco!" She hugged the dummy tightly, wishing her older sister was as good as her new sister. "I hope you don't mind me taking your hair though."
"It's alright, you can have it! I look much better like this!"
Luna stood back and wiped a few tears forming in her eyes. "It's all going to be okay, as long as you're here with me!"
Coco smiled maliciously, purple mist beginning to seep from her.
"Yes... It will all go well."
Luna shot out from the side room's window, speeding towards Ponyville at speeds Rainbow Dash could only dream of. It only took her a few minutes before she could see the village, at which point she made a beeline towards Anon's house.
Anon was currently sleeping in his bed after a hard day of work. Doing odd jobs for ponies in such an odd town as Ponyville brings a lot of work to do, but it also brings a lot of bits, enough to easily keep yourself fed, clothed, and warm while still having spare cash for the dark hour.
He didn't expect a pissed off princess of the night to make an impressive hole in his wall and stand angrily over him in a span of a second.
He was wide awake before he realized that he wasn't asleep anymore.
"TIS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Luna screamed in her Canterlot voice, mere inches from Anon's face, making a huge impact on his ear's health in the upcoming years.
"W-what do you want from me?!" Anon yelled in fear, trying his best not to piss himself.
"THOU HAST SANG THE CURSED SONG THAT MADE ME RELIVE MINE TERRIBLE PAST, AND THOU SHALL PAY FOR THY MISTAKE!"
Before Anon could say a word, Luna's horn lit up brightly enough to blind anyone standing within a few miles radius. With a loud explosion, he and his bed were both gone. Luna started breathing heavily before collapsing to the ground. A small smile came to her face as she started singing.
"Yes, I'd like to visit the moon,
but I don't think I'd like to live there."
Anon looked around himself, confused and dazed.
It seemed that Luna had teleported him to the moon. The fact that he hadn't started suffocating yet meant that air didn't seem to be required to breathe, no matter how little sense that made. It's Equestria, physics don't make sense.
After a moment, he noticed something strange.
"...Is that a bear attacking Celestia?"
