"Fluttershy... you know, as the very spirit of Chaos, I do so adore not seeing any logic in things. And whilst I whole-heartedly appreciate you taking that into heart, as your friend, I feel it is my duty to ask... what the hay are you doing?"
Discord had enjoyed a rather pleasant afternoon of getting onto the nerves of Canterlot's royal guards with some of his finer theatrical work(courtesy of princess Celestia, who felt that her protectors could use the training) and was just about ready to enjoy a good cup of tea with his favourite pegasus, only to find her running around in a state of frenzy putting make-up on and off again whilst just about everything in the cottage was turned upside down, metaphorically speaking.
All this lovely lovely pandemonium, and he'd missed it performing royal duties for Celestia! Now he knew he was getting on a bit.
"Oh, it's nothing!" Fluttershy finally whispered and ran into the upstairs bathroom to wash off the mascara she'd just put on.
Discord already waited in a warm bath of Apple cider. The fumes were so strong that the pegasus was forced to back out and stumble onto her green couch, which was definitely not where she left it. Suddenly, the entire cottage around Fluttershy grew in size until Discord's gigantic eyes gazed down on her. "Now I've got you!" the draconequus cackled, gently balancing the miniature couch on his palm. "At at at! No flying away until I hear what all this fuss is about!" Discord snapped his fingers, and suddenly appeared sitting beside Fluttershy, his size now closer to hers. The couch was left drifting in the air like a mellow amusement park ride.
The yellow pegasus pulled her hooves onto the safety of the couch and huddled there. Discord took the hint. "Oh, so sorry dear! I forgot how much you hate heights!" With a flash, they were normal-sized again, though they were still pleasantly floating above the mess below. "Now then..." Discord ripped open a bag of beans and let them flow out into his mouth before crunching. "If you could spill the beans?"
"That's okay." Fluttershy said, still frowning in worry. "Um... it's just that it's my birthday... and I would like my friends to see me at my best. I am going to be the center of attention... all day..." she shivered. "I just don't want them to think I'm a disappointing birthday host."
"Hmm..." Discord scratched his head with such speed that electrical sparks emerged. "I know!" A small bolt blew out from his finger, reflected back off a mirror and was caught by Discord to use as a toothpick to make himself look extra clever. "Why don't you try obtaining the services of a devilishly handsome draconequus with thousands of years of experience to help you out on your birthday?"
A second head popped out of Discord's shoulder, making Fluttershy giggle softly. "But where on Equestria could she find one on such short notice?" the second head asked.
The first Discord gasped. "Where indeed? Anyone?" Both heads began to look around.
"Anyone? Anyone?"
Fluttershy raised a hoof.
"Yes!" Both Discords exclaimed in unison. "The darling yellow filly over there!"
"Um, Discord..." Fluttershy blushed. "Could you help me get ready for my birthday?"
The Lord of Chaos bowed. "We'd be delighted." His two heads said sincerely.
Despite sending Fluttershy off to her birthday party in a considerably more cheerful mood, Discord was not entirely satisfied. He hadn't even known it was Fluttershy's birthday, what sort of a friend forgets that?
Feeling particularly cranky, he snapped his fingers, causing the mess that Fluttershy had caused in her little nervous break to disperse and her belongings to return to where she usually preferred them. He sulked in the order.
I've simply got to make it up for her. But how? Discord thought and downed a glass of cool, crisp asphalt to refresh his mind. What was it that these little ponies did on birthdays? Party? Well, Pinkie Pie's got me there. And that's a force of anarchy that even I won't touch, no sir.
"Ah-HA!" Discord shouted, and pulled a string to make an electric lightbulb come to life over his head. "Idea!"
Using magic, Discord levitated a mirror in front of him. Instead of his own reflection, however, it showed him princess Celestia... bathing. The princess, realising that she was being observed, yelped in a rather un-princess like manner. "DISCORD!" she shouted furiously and buried herself in white foam, leaving only the top of her head out.
"Hi, Celestia, quick question..." Discord waved casually. "what do you ponies do on birthdays besides party?"
"GET OUT OF MY MIRROR!"
Discord cocked an eyebrow. "And then what? They get a free bath? Do I get a free bath? I don't count my birthdays..." On the other side, Celestia appeared to be forcing herself not to explode. "... but back to the point. My dear friend Fluttershy is celebrating her birthday and I'd appreciate a helping hoof."
The princess sighed. "Get her a present. We give people presents on birthdays. Now please, if you don't mind..."
"Hmm? Oh yes!" As soon as she'd said presents, Discord had fallen in deep thought, but he snapped out for long enough to tap the mirror, which turned liquid for a brief second and then showed only his own reflection. Placing the mirror back on the wall, Discord began to pace around the living room.
Present, present, present... now this should be a slam dunk. I could give her anything in Equestria! But what?
He looked around, as if trying to see what could possibly be missing from the room. Somepony had to know what she needed... "Ah-HAH!" Discord snapped his fingers yet again.
Applejack thought for a second, playing with her stetson... "Eh... I reckon she'd want somethin' straight from the heart, ya know? Fluttershy's a softie, she'll love whatever ya give her if you really mean it!"
"Ooh! Ooh! You should give her something fun that she can play around with as long as possible!" Pinkie Pie chirped enthusiastically. "Sometimes when I give presents, ponies don't seem to ever use them, so I learn to give better presents that they can get attached to!"
"Whatever it is, it's gotta blow her away!" Rainbow Dash suggested. "It's gotta be memorable enough, otherwise she might think she's not important enough for you!"
Rarity pondered for a long time, daintily tapping her hoof against the floor until finally declaring: "A lady's present should be... refined. Perhaps something artistic that symbolises what you two share?"
Finally, Twilight Sparkle stood in front of the Lord of Chaos, and couldn't give any answers. "I usually just go with books." She said with a sheepish smile. "But I guess you could try giving her something... magical. Something she's not going to get from anypony else. I mean, you are who you are. There's got to be something out there."
Discord thought for a minute and then smiled briefly. Not his usual devious grin, mind you, but a genuine, gentle expression of goodwill. It actually reminded the unicorn of Fluttershy herself.
Several hours later, Fluttershy was glad to arrive home with a cart full of gifts from her friends and relatives, though she was surprised to see the house well lit. Discord usually did not stay up very late.
Opening the door, she did not see anyone. "Discord? Are you here?" She called and left her cart near the sofa. Suddenly, a miniature version of Discord flew out of one of her currently unused birdhouses. "Indeed I am!" The little Discord declared in a comically high-pitched voice. "And I'll join you in just a second!" He then exploded into small, harmless fireworks that briefly read "HAPPY BIRTHDAY FLUTTERSHY" in golden sparkles.
"Oh, Discord, you didn't have to." Fluttershy said.
A snort drew her attention to the draconequus on the stairs. He appeared to be hiding something behind his back. "Of course I had to! You are my very first friend and I will not have you thinking I'm taking that for granted!"
Discord trotted down the stairs and extended her a small package - it was wrapped in tinfoil. "Sorry if it looks a bit shabby. I tried to go into town for some wrapping, but Ponyville appears to be allergic to making a profit. They kept shutting doors in my face."
"It's okay. But... couldn't you have just used your magic?"
"Eh... well, just open it, please?"
So she did. Inside the package was a crudely carved statue of two figures - one bipedal, the other quadrupedal. The bipedal figure had small rocks glued on for horns and the pony - for that's what the latter was - had three small butterflies drawn on near her flank with a pencil.
Discord nervously tapped his paws together. "I thought to myself - well, what's the most chaotic and unexpected thing I could come up with for such a special occasion? I... hope... you like it. Hmm? I know I'm not good with a knife..."
"It's perfect." Fluttershy choked, her eyes watering up. She hugged Discord tightly. "It's beautiful."
Author's Note
Just felt like writing some madcap Discord stuff, but I'm a softie too, so...
