Welcome To El Taco Guapo

by LateToTheParty

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Equestria Girls, Random, Pinkie Pie, Sonata Dusk, Sunset Shimmer
Length: 1809

Sunset Shimmer accompanies Pinkie in stalking Sonata... Er--wait... Sunset Shimmer tries to protect Pinkie from Sonata Wait...No... Sunset Shimmer watches several men die of heart failure. There we go. That's the one.

Sunset Shimmer accompanies Pinkie in stalking Sonata...

Er--wait...

Sunset Shimmer tries to protect Pinkie from Sonata...

Wait...No...

Sunset Shimmer watches a man die of heart failure.

There we go. That's the one.

(A Sonata & Pinkie Pie story--with a side of Sunset--designed to make you question what the heck you just clicked on.)

Published 2018-09-21 17:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-09-21 17:10:01 UTC

Why am I here?

Sunset Shimmer had nothing against a good old, culturally-appropriated, fake-Mexican, dining experience, inside a dingy, poorly kept fast-food joint, in the part of town where no one got out without a friendly exchange with the resident hobo or a primal need to check their latest tetanus shot records. Really, she was sure it was a ball, but a most pervasive thought was stopping her as surely as repeated grenade throws to the face.

Why was she here?

She had to wonder as she watched the boisterous pink puff that was Pinkie Pie trying to hide behind the booth’s wide backing, cautiously looking over her shoulder every few seconds. Her gaze always trained back on the familiar, blue-haired cashier; the one that looked like she had both the charisma and awareness of a blind puppy.

That same awareness was probably the only reason Pinkie’s atrocious attempts at subtly were, as of yet, unnoticed.

Sunset wanted to say something. Maybe it wasn’t the case with Pinkie, too preoccupied with challenging a hippo in high heels in terms of covertness, but she was starting to feel just the slightest bit awkward.

“Pinkie, why are we here?” She asked, finally catching her friend’s attention.

It took a particularly tense moment before the question registered and Pinkie’s lips quirked up from some invisible puppeteer strings. “Oh, nothing.” She chirped. “Just having a fun little get together with my good friend Sunset Shimmer. Isn’t that right, buddy?” Wherever those strings led to, that puppeteer must have been yanking it tighter and tighter with each word Pinkie spoke.

“Right…,” Sunset said, caressing the word with thick strips of 40-grit sandpaper. “So, buddy, why are we having this get together 30 miles outside of Canterlot in, what I assume, is probably the oldest, most disgusting, El Taco Guapo in existence?”

Pinkie waved her hand through the air with that beatboxing thing Rarity always seemed to do, except with Pinkie it came with more spit and a bigger splash zone. “Just a change in scenery, you know? Life’s too short and the world is too big. Stuff like that.”

“Not that I would have been convinced but maybe it would have been better if you didn’t add ‘stuff like that’ to the end of your explanation.”

Pinkie ignored her, looking back to stare uncomfortably (not so much for Pinkie, but for Sunset Shimmer who was very very uncomfortable) at the blue cashier.

She was in the process of single-handedly melting a customer where he stood. Apparently, she had gotten an order wrong and she smiled apologetically. The lights around her brightened like a beacon of cute. The customer had no chance as he fell, clutching his chest.

“Pinkie, why are we stalking—“

“Observing.”

“Pinkie why are we ‘observing’ Sonata? How did you even know she was here?”

Pinkie continued to stare with a lion-hunter-in-a-lion-exhibit look in her eyes, but made sure to spare Sunset a quick grin. “She told me.”

Sunset pushed herself against the booth’s cushions as if trying to break through by sheer force while a leg angled to the nearest door for a preemptive escape. “You mean willingly, right? Like, and I never would have asked this before today, but you didn’t pull a knife on her or something, right?”

The connotation slipped right over Pinkie’s head. “Of course not, silly.”

Sunset sighed, relaxing in her seat.

“She caught me following her home one night, so she took me aside—”

Sunset’s head recoiled as she frantically held out her hands. “Wait, wait, don’t tell me. I still want to maintain my deniability.”

To her dismay, Pinkie giggled. “Then you should really stop asking questions, silly Sunset.”

With another sigh that sounded more traumatized than the last, Sunset dropped her head on the table. “I don’t even know if I can ask the right ones anyway.”

Stroking a nonexistent goatee, Pinkie nodded in consideration. “Probably not.”

“Can you at least tell me why I’m the one that you dragged to…whatever this is?”

“That’s easy. You would have been the only one willing to drive me with no questions, as long as I cried hard enough. I think it’s because you still have a guilt complex a miiiiiiiile wide.”

Sunset’s jaw dropped. Then it unhinged. Then it sunk into the hot core of the planet. “You manipulated me?”

Pinkie pouted, looking at least 20% the correct amount of shame. “I had to, Sunset. I just had to.” She took a moment to look behind her.

Paramedics where wheeling the man away and he made the mistake of stealing one last look at Sonata. She gave a happy wave of goodbye and a resounding beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep emanated throughout the store.

When it was clear the girl wasn’t going to look at them, Pinkie turned back toward Sunset. There’s no other way to travel this far and I had to see her again.”

Sunset’s brow raised. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

Pinkie nodded vigorously. “Yes.”

“You’re—”

“I’m—”

“In love!”

“Cursed!”

There was a silence that felt like surprise, but tasted like confusion. “What?”

“It’s the only explanation! Ever since she walked into Sugarcube Corner and ordered the Super Spice Deluxe Hot Cupcake—

“Mrs. Cake told you not to just put things on the menu.”

“—chewing on that super spicy pastry—“

“I’m pretty sure Sonata was the only one that bought it, too.”

“—that hot, white frosting dribbling down her chin—”

“That cupcake was really deceptive and…wait. That kinda sounded—“

“—as she ate. Every. Last. Bite!”

“I’m starting to dislike where this conversation is going.”

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her.”

“I guess that wasn’t too bad.”

“And every night, before I go to sleep, I think about how she devoured that cupcake and I get the urge to—“

“Pinkie!” Sunset screamed, interrupting Pinkie’s train of thought with her equivalent of a fat man being pushed on the tracks.

Pinkie looked at her questioningly and she exhaled. “I think you should just go up to her and tell her how you feel.”

“ARE YOU NUTS?!” Pinkie screamed, shoving the fat man into Sunset’s ear canal.

Pinkie slapped a hand to her mouth as she turned to look back at Sonata. Sunset followed her gaze. Another customer was casually strolling up to the counter.

“I hope the paramedics didn’t get too far.” Sunset mused.

Pinkie ducked, lowering her voice. “I can’t just go up and tell her. She’s probably the one that cursed me.”

“I don’t think it’s a curse. I think it’s a crush. Or maybe a really unhealthy obsession.” Sunset shrugged. “Either way, you should probably tell her or warn her. Whichever one comes naturally to you.”

“I CAN’T! Every time I get near her, it activates the curse and my heart starts beating really fast. I think I might die, Sunset!”

Sunset nodded. “That’s just hormones and a possible panic attack. It’s part of the whole first crush thing.”

Pinkie bit her lip, blue eyes watering with dismay as she began to tear up. “I can’t—*hic*—believe my friend—*sob*—wants m-me t-to die!” Slamming her face into the table, Pinkie wailed.

Sunset felt like she’d just stollen a grandmother’s toffee squares as she tried to pat Pinkie’s hair, her hand bouncing from the sheer poofiness of it all.

She fumbled for something to say. “Aw, don’t cry. I’m sorry. I can make it up to you.”

“H-hooooooooowwwww? HWAAAAAAA—“

“I’ll—um—I can talk to Sonata for you.”

“Really?!” Pinkie lifted her head from the table, eyes bright and visibly dry.

Sunset blinked before she smiled, a dark shadow playing over her eyes. “Really. I wouldn’t want my friend to die.”

“Yeeeeee, thank you, Sunset! You’re the best!”

Sunset chuckled, patting Pinkie’s back with remarkable restraint. “No problem, Pinks.”

With movements so rigid they would have made the tin man sympathetic, Sunset got up and marched to the counter.

The blue woman looked up from the man on the ground as Sunset strode around him.

“Welcome to El Taco Guapo! What can I get for you?” Sonata asked in a voice that could illuminate a football stadium.

Sunset shielded her eyes. “Gack! Don’t point that at me!”

“Oops. Sorry.” Sonata’s smile shrank by a fraction, allowing Sunset to blink the stars out of her eyes.

“I just had a question for you.” She started.

Sonata tilted her head. “What’s up?”

With a head shake to Pinkie’s general direction, Sonata moved her eyes to the booth on the farthest section of the diner. “Do you see that girl over there?” Sunset asked.

Curly pink locks poked out from behind the long chair.

Sonata tittered, a sound akin to bells and the anguished cry of an angel’s heart failing. “Oh, Pinkie. I didn’t know she was there.”

“Seriously?” Sunset asked, incredulous. She shook it off. “You know what? Nevermind. Two questions for you. One, would you date her?”

Sonata nodded. “Of course, she’s such a cutie-patutie and I think I would get along with her if she didn’t run away every single time.”

“Right. Will you ask her out on a date right now?”

Sonata nodded vigorously. Sunset donned her sunglasses as a glacier melted on the other side of the world. “I totally would!”

“Perfect. You should go do that right now.” With a final nod, Sunset turned on her heel and walked toward the exit.

“Okay? Where are you going?” Sonata asked, confusion in her voice.

“To do the only proper reaction for a day like today,” Sunset replied, “I’m going home, checking when I got my Td booster, and then drinking until I forget.”

A step later, she stopped and turned back. She reached inside her pocket and pulled out a nice crisp dollar. “One more question.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you like nacho cheese?”

Sonata gasped and for a small second, there was world peace. “I love nacho cheese.”

With the smile of a loan shark about to take a crowbar to someone’s kneecaps, Sunset slid the dollar forward. “Get as much as you can, and eat it. In front of Pinkie. As slooooooooowly as possible.”

Sonata giggled. “Okie-dokie!”

Sunset felt her tense muscles immediately loosen as she strode out of El Taco Guapo with her head held high. She looked to the distance and smiled.

"Hey there, Miss. Got some spare change on you?" A man with exactly three teeth in his mouth asked.

Sunset turned to him, still smiling. "Sorry, Sir. None today."

He waved her off. "That's okay. You just have a good night."

Sunset nodded. "I will."

And she did. Sunset had a very good night. A very good, very drunk night.

Author's Note

This was really fun to write and pretty different from my usual fair.

Trust me when I say, I know it reads reeeeaaaaaaally fast, but let me know what you guys think anyway.