Of All the Nerf!!!

by Rainbowfan45

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Starlight Glimmer, Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 7328

There is a battle in and around Ponyville...

What happens when a group of ponies tried to take over the town and another group comes to stop them?

Well...a war breaks out. Duh.

But not just any war. A Nerf war. And utter mayhem ensues.

Also included as weapons: pillows, plastic and foam swords, and completely harmless knockout spells. Well...maybe harmless.

I hope.

Published 2018-09-21 17:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-09-21 17:20:01 UTC

This is War!

"Listen up, troops!" Dash began pacing along the line of battle weary ponies standing at attention. "I know this is hard! I know you're tired! I know you're sore! I know some of you are injured!! But we will not just lay down and die!! We will go out fighting! We will defend our town til our very last..."

"Cupcake!!!"

This cheery yell made Dash spin and glare at the miscreant. She pushed her blue nose against the pink one and scowled.

"Did I hear myself ask for any input, Soldier?!" She demanded.

"I dunno...did ya? Huh? Ooh! Can you talk to yourself while you talk to us?? At the same time?? Ooh!! I wanna do that!"

"Pinkie Pie!!! Focus!!!" Dash said in exasperation.

Pinkie blinked her bright blue eyes, smiled her classic silly smile, and waited wordlessly. Dash shook her head.

"Now listen up, Commander Pinkie!" She said. "I have a very special mission for you. I need you to infiltrate Sugarcube Corner and..."

"And force all rogue cupcakes to surrender? Yes, ma'am, General Dashie, Ma'am!" Pinkie saluted.

"No!" Dash said, groaning. "I need you to capture the enemies that are hiding there!! And free their hostages!"

"And then force the cupcakes to surrender?" Pinkie offered. "Yes, ma'am!!" Another salute.

Dash facehoofed. Why, oh why, was fate so cruel as to place Pinkie Pie...Pinkie Pie!...of all ponies on her side?! Why not the enemy's side?!

"Pinkie Pie," she said wearily. "You take down the targets and free the hostages like I told you, and you can force the surrender of any baked goods you want to. Ok?"

"You got it!" Pinkie said happily. "I'll even bring a bunch back as prisoners of war! And we can execute them...right into our belly wellies!!" She licked her lips. "Delicioussss frossssting..."

Dash groaned. A snicker sounded from close at hoof and she spun to find the culprit. Her alert eyes instantly singled out Starlight, who was red and trying, desperately trying, to swallow her giggles. She only succeeded in making them turn into giggle-snorts.

"Captain Glimmer!" She snapped. "You may be our magic and weapons expert, but you could be replaced if you don't stop laughing at your commanding officers!!!" Starlight swallowed a laugh.

"Apologies, General Dash, Ma'am!" She said, saluting.

"Hmph!!" Dash said. "Just for that, you're on the infiltration team Pinkie's in charge of!!"

Starlight sighed, but trotted to Pinkie's side. Before any further talk could ensue, something whistled by and smacked into Dash's battle helmet. She jumped and looked down at the foam dart, eyes narrowing.

"Oh, that does it!" She said. "Hit us in our own safety zone, will they?! Pinkie, the bakery! The rest of you...CHAAAARGE!"

She led her remaining troops back into battle on the front lines, while Commander Pinkie grinned at her small group, consisting of Rarity, Starlight, and three other ponies.

"To the bakery!" She said, and her troops followed at full speed.

Starlight, on request, teleported Pinkie inside. So unexpected was her arrival that nopony could react in time to properlg defend themselves.

"GAH!" yelled Bon Bon, as a well aimed Nerf bullet struck her lightly in the chest. She put on a very spectacular imitation of death throes.

"Oh, I'm hit!" She wailed, throwing one hoof in the air and clasping the other to her 'injury'. "I'm going down! Ohhhh!"

Thud! She dropped to the floor, where she thrashed and writhed in hilarious agony, making gurgling noises as best she could. She finally stilled.

"Bon Bon!" Lyra, recovering her wits, rushed to her 'dying' friend and hugged her. "Don't die on me, Bon Bon! Hang in there!"

"Nopony move!" Commander Pinkie looked at the other two enemies in the room: Cherilee and Bright Star. "What did you do with the Cakes?"

"I'll never tell!" Bright Star said.

Pinkie giggled. "Yeah, you will. Prepare...to be...TICKLE TORTURED!!"

Bright Star shrieked as she was suddenly pounced on. Pinkie held up a hoof, then dug it playfully into Bright Star's ribs, gently rubbing.

"Gah! No, not...heehee!...no...hahaha...Pinkie Pie...gah! Haha!...not....not...no...HAHAH! OK, UNCLE! hahahah...uncle....haha...i'll talk...haha!...they're in the baahaahaack!"

Pinkie stopped tickling her prisoner and stood, grinning.

"Captain Glimmer," she said. "Will you go let the Cakes go?" Starlight went back and returned in minutes with the Cakes, who were smiling.

"Thank goodness you came!" Mrs. Cake said. "They had us locked in the pantry!" Quite honestly, she wasn't at all upset.

"Oh they did, huh?" Pinkie cast a look at the prisoners. "Well. Rarity, will you see that they can't escape?"

Rarity happily tied up the prisoners(with a spool of thick yarn)and levitated them up off the floor. Pinkie Pie produced a walkie talkie.

"This is Commander Pinkie to General Dashie, over."

"R..roger...that...Commander...what is it?" Dash sounded breathless.

"Sugarcube Corner is secure, General Dashie, Ma'am!" Pinkie reported gleefully. "Prisoners are subdued and the hostages are unharmed. Requesting permission to overpower the baked goods."

There was a long silence, then the walkie talkie crackled to life and Dash spoke, voice flat and deadpan.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever. Permission granted. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a more important enemy besides cupcakes and pastries to deal with! General Dash, OUT!" Silence.

"Okie Dokie Lokie!" Pinkie turned to glare at the display case. Locking eyes on some particularly tasty cupcakes and cookies, she aimed her nerf gun at them. "I've got you covered!! Surrender and come peacefully, or be executed right here!"

Rarity and Starlight exchanged amused looks. The others rolled their eyes. Pinkie concentrated.

"I said, surrender!!" She insisted, peering at the completely silent sweets. Nothing.

"Commander Pinkie," Rarity said smoothly. "Wouldn't it be more prudent to just grab them?"

"Oh yeah!" Pinkie grabbed the treats, boxed them up, and held them out to Starlight. Groaning, the unicorn levitated it and the group began to move out, Pinkie bringing up the rear with her gun in hoof.

"I've got my eye on you!" She told the box. "No funny stuff, or I'll wipe that icing right off you in a single lick!!!"

Her troop barely managed to avoid bursting into laughter as they made their way towards headquarters.

Author's Note

I know this story is really goofy.

I do not apologise.

Also, more to come!!!

Assassination of Rulers

"This 'matter of great urgency' had better be just that, sister. Otherwise you awoke me from my noon nap without good reason and I will not be happy."

Celestia strolled into the throne room, looking aggravated and half sleepy.

"Apologies, Sister." Luna said, a giggle escaping. Celestia's narrowed.

"Luna, are you...giggling??"

"Why I called you from sleep, Sister," Luna said, recovering,"is because I have just been informed that a war has broken out in Ponyville." She fought back a laugh.

"A war??!" Celestia gasped. "Luna! There is no time to waste! If there is a war, we must go at once and stop it! Are Twilight and her friends alright?"

"From what I heard," Luna said, trying to sound solemn and barely succeeding,"they are in the very heart of the fighting."

"Then let's go at once! Why did you not get me up yourself so we could go from my room! To the sky, Sister!"

Celestia ran out on the balcony and lifted off, flying for Ponyville. Luna, desperately trying to contain her rising mirth, followed behind.

'Oh, Tia. If only you knew what kind of battle, you would be so angry! Which you will be when you find out. But I really do not care. This is going to be priceless!'

And the Princess of the Night allowed herself one very quiet giggle.

**********************************

In the meantime, in Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle was busy organizing battle strategies at Sweet Apple Acres. Seated at the kitchen table with her was Bic Mac, who was watching her intently. And silently.

"Do you think we should infiltrate here?" Twilight asked, pointing at a map of town, specifically the rear of town.

"Nope."

"Here?" She pointed at a small, so far unblocked section on the side of town.

"Nope."

"Well, then, here?" Twilight deadpanned, pointing to the heavily guarded front of town.

"Eeyup."

"Oh come on!"

Applejack stalked over to the table after slamming the door shut.

"Big Mac, ya can't be serious! I know ya ain't afraid a' nothin' but... this?! Stormin' right into their largest formation of guards?! That ain't sensible!"

Bic Mac huffed and pointed at Twilight.

"She asked."

"Ugh!" Twilight groaned. Applejack facehoofed.

"Look, here's my plan." Twilight detailed every bit of it for them.

"Ah approve. Lets do it!" Applejack said.

Twilight grinned and the two mares headed off to rally the discouraged troops in the barn.

Big Mac sighed at the rejection of his idea. He pondered what he had just heard. Would it actually work? He shook his head.

"Nope!"

*********************************

"Look out!"

Thud!!

"Ow! RAINBOW DASH!!"

Starlight spun to see Rarity and Dash on the ground, Dash on top of the white unicorn.

"How dare you jump on me!" Rarity was livid as she shoved her leader off and struggled up.

"Hey! You were about to get hit with a dart and a pillow! Did you want me to let you die?!" Dash scowled. "And don't yell at your CO, Sergeant!"

Rarity sniffed, brushing her dusty fur. She glared at Dash disdainfully.

"I would have at least fallen like a lady, Rainbow Dash!" She huffed. "And not like some ruffian!"

"Uh, girls?" Starlight said, eyes wide. "We've got problems."

"Huh?" Both looked at her.

"INCOMING!!" Starlight yelled, throwing up a shield just in time to protect herself and her companions from a spray of foam bullets. Another, stronger spell held back the dozen or so ponies armed with guns and swords who were trying to take them out.

"Nice save, Captain. Thanks." Dash said. "Now...CHAAAARGE!!!"

Starlight dropped the spells as the small group of Ponyville defenders clashed with the rebel group in mortal combat.

"Here I coooome!!" sang out a familiar voice, and Pinkie leaped into view, firing her gun with one hoof while slashing her sword with her other. And at the same time, she used her tail as a slingshot to fire cupcakes at the enemy.

Starlight fired off a spell that took out three ponies, who dropped to the ground unconcious. Rarity, armed with a foam sword decorated in gems, rushed another pony.

"Take that, ruffian!" She shouted.

Dash was locked in combat with Blue Swirl, their plastic swords clacking.

"Reinforcements!!"

This yell was accompanied by a mad rush of new ponies, led by Applejack. Twilight was at the rear. Seeing her, Starlight smirked and quickly teleported in front her.

"So...finally we see you out on the battlefield." She said. Twilight grinned at her.

"We will claim Ponyville." She said, brightly.

"Oh not on my watch you won't!" Starlight said, as they circled each other.

Twilight fired a blast of harmless magic at her friend and student, who dodged and returned fire. Then they both drew plastic swords, as the noise of battle intensified.

"I really don't want to kill you, Starlight."

"Funny, I really don't want to die."

The swords clicked and clacked as they battled it out. Close by, Dash now found herself facing Applejack. The farm pony grinned as she drew her sword.

"Hope ya set your affairs in order!" She said.

"Oh, I don't plan on dying." Dash replied, and lunged.

At that moment, her walkie talkie crackled and Spike's panicked voice sounded.

"General Dash! General Dash! This is Captain Spike! Over!"

Pinkie Pie leaped over, siezed it, and took a breath.

"General Dashie is fighting AJ right now, this is Pinkie. Over."

"Somepony hurry over here to the schoolhouse! The CMC found Fluttershy! She's been hit! Bad! Over!"

Dash knocked Applejack over with a swift poke in the ribs and grabbed her walkie talkie back.

"Roger that, Captain Spike. We're on our way!"

Starlight finally sent a blast of magic that knocked out Twilight and her companions, then she and the others followed Dash as they ran for the schoolhouse. Nopony noticed the shadows overhead as they went.

*******************************

Up in the air above the battle, Celestia was hovering with Luna, watching. Her expression was one of concern, then shock, then annoyance.

"Luna."

"Yes?"

"Is this the war you mentioned?"

"Yes."

"A war with toy swords and nerf guns."

"Mmhmm."

"You awakened me and dragged me out to stop a war being fought with mere toys?"

Giggle. "Yes. I did indeed. Got you."

There was a long moment of silence. Then...

"Lulu." The voice was soft yet terrible.

"Yes, Sister?"

A vengeful eye locked on her.

"You had better run. Starting right now."

"Why, Sister? We are in no danger up here."

"We aren't. But you are."

Luna gulped as her sister slowly approached.

"S..Sister? What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to unleash pain, my dear little sister. Vast amounts of pain."

With a shriek, Luna proceeded to fly for her life into the heart of Ponyville, with her enraged sister hot on her tail.
**********************************

Everypony gathered around Fluttershy in the school.

"We found her near here." Apple Bloom said.

"It took alot of doing, but we got her here." Scootaloo offered.

Dash, Rarity, Pinkie and Starlight sat around their friend, with Dash cradling her in her legs and wings.

"Rainbow Dash...cough...I think...gasp...I'm not going to...cough...last long." Fluttershy was doing a great job acting out her death.

"No, Flutters, hang on, ok?" Dash said. "Don't you die on me!"

"Ahem...cough cough...I think my heart is stopping...gasp..." Fluttershy was really getting into this thing. "Dashie, don't forget me...cough...gasp..."

"Fluttershy, darling, please hold on." Rarity pleaded.

"Yeah, we need you!" Pinkie said. "Pretty please? With a chocolate cupcake covered in white frosting and pink and yellow sprinkles?"

"Oh, my..." Fluttershy said, perking up. "Do you have one?" Pinkie obligingly handed one over, from somewhere.

"Uh, Flutters?" Dash said, arching an eyebrow.

"Oh. Right." Fluttershy forgot about the cupcake for the moment and concentrated on 'dying'. "Cough...cough...gasp...goodbye, girls..." She started to flail her legs, but Pinkie yelled out, "Wait!"

All eyes went to her, and she took the cupcake.

"Let me hold that til you die."

Fluttershy gave a nod, then flailed her legs, twitched, moaned, and took a short, dramatic breath. Her eyes widened, then closed. Letting out a quiet gasp, she dropped her head lightly against Dash and lay still.

"No! Fluttershyyyy!" Dash wailed, while the other patted at their eyes. Dash finally stood and looked down at her friend.

"I will avenge you, Flutters." She promised. "Troops! Lets move! Crusaders, you come with us!"

The group had made it to the door when a soft voice suddenly spoke.

"Um...girls? Um...cupcake?"

"Oopsie!" Pinkie trotted over and placed it next to Fluttershy. "See ya!"

Fluttershy waited til they left, then picked it up and happily munched it.
*******************************

At the Defenders' headquarters, Dash paced and growled.

"Fluttershy will not die in vain!" She vowed. "We will take down these rebels!"

"Wait, do you hear yelling?" Starlight asked.

A moment later, a yelling Luna barreled down from the sky, landing hard.

"Might I seek asylum here?" She asked. Celestia shot down next to her.

"Princesses!" Dash exclaimed. "You can't be here! You could get hurt!"

"My sister informed me there was a war." Celestia said. "She just failed to tell me it was a mock war."

"I awakened her from her nap." Luna giggled. Dash snorted at that and gave a nod.

"Nice." She said. "But you should go."

"Perhaps we will go get a cupcake first." Celestia said.

"Alright, but you'll need guarding." Dash said. "Rarity, Starlight, Pinkie Pie! We'll be a protection detail!" The group made their way towards the bakery.

"So how does this work?" Luna asked.

"You get shot with a nerf bullet, you're wounded or dead." Dash said. "Swords, you're dead cause everypony aims for the heart or ribs. You're out if you're killed, but still in if you're wounded."

"Sounds easy." Celestia said, smiling. "It sounds fun, as well. I wish that we could-"

Whatever she was going to say was cut short when a nerf bullet smacked into the side of her neck. Everypony stared, wondering what to expect.

After a moment of silence, Celestia suddenly winked at them.

"Oh! I'm hit! Oh curses!" She flopped into the dirt and twitched. "Farewell...Luna....everyponyyyy...." She closed her eyes, flailed one leg, and lay still.

Recovering, Luna instantly joined in the game.

"Sister, no!" She cried.

"Take cover!!" Dash yelled.

Too late. Another nerf bullet whacked Luna in the chest. She gasped.

"Alas, I am hit!" She cried, and down she went. "Oh Tartarus! Do not...let them...take....Equestriaaaaa....." She kicked her legs and lay still, smiling.

For one long minute, there was silence. Then Dash spoke up.

"Alright!" She barked."This really is war! The princesses have been assassinated!"

"Just the oldest ones." Pinkie said helpfully. "Twilight is still alive. I think. And Cadance in the Chrystal Empire."

"Yes, but these two are clearly gone." Dash said. "Twilight can't fight and rule at the same time. So now what?"

Starlight eyed the 'deceased' rulers.

"When word gets out," she said,"it won't end well."

"Well, now we have to avenge them too!" Dash said. "First, we find the snipers! Commander Pinkie! You have your....er...methods. Can you find out?"

"Yeppers!" Pinkie said. "And nothing will save them from my wrath when I do." She frowned, then turned to Dash. "General Dashie, I request permission to shoot those meanie mean sniper wipers with my party canon."

"Permission denied. I'm gonna have them court martialed."

"Please??"

"No, Commander."

"Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease???"

"No!!"

"Pretty please with rainbow cupcakes covered in rainbow frosting and rainbow sprinkles and icing versions of you on top?"

It was a lost cause. Dash knew it. But one more try.

"No..."

"They'll be super sized and way awesome!" Big blue eyes blinked.

Dash broke.

"Fine. Permission granted. But they better be totally awesome cupcakes, or I'll have you court martialed!"

Pinkie's only response was to motion to her small troop and trot away giggling.

Dash sighed wearily, and led her own troop back to the battlefield.

'Sweet Celestia. I'm never having her in my army again!'

Author's Note

Assasinate the Princesses??!:pinkiegasp:

Yes. Yes I did.

And I do not regret it.

Not one bit.

The War Continues...

The rebel side had retreated. Or at least some of them had. Twilight had come to twenty minutes after being hit by Starlight's knockout spell, glad that there were no side affects. She had carried the wounded Applejack back to Sweet Apple Acres, where Granny Smith 'fixed' her up...by handing her a fresh slice of apple pie.

"Tarnation!" Applejack said. "Those Defenders sure know their fightin' stuff! Ah can't believe that low down Dash stabbed me!"

"At least it was a toy sword." Twilight said helpfully.

"That may be, but it was plastic! An' she poked me hard! Ah think Ah have a bruise..." Applejack felt her side with a hoof and winced. "Eeyup."

"Well, Starlight blasted me with a knockout spell!" Twilight said. "Me! Her own mentor!"

"Well, to be fair, this here is a war." Applejack pointed out. "An' her spell don't have no whatchamacallems, neither."

"Side affects." Twilight said. "And no, thank Celestia."

The door crashed open and in strode Braeburn, grinning.

"Ah did it." He announced. "I hit the princesses."

"You WHAT?!" Twilight shrieked, while Applejack choked on a bite of pie.

"I took a shot and got them both, cousin!" He stated.

"Oh, this isn't good." Twilight said. "How bad?"

"Clean shots. Killed em both."

"Oh that is definitely not good!" Twilight said. "I don't even know how they got in the middle of this, but...but Celestia will have a fit over being assassinated!!" She grimaced.

"Ah don't think so." Braeburn said. "The both seemed to actually enjoy dyin'."

"Oh. Well...ok, then." Twilight said, relieved. She glared. "But I'm still mad at you for shooting my former mentor!"

"An' now you're in charge of Equestria." Applejack said.

Twilight's eyes widened.

"What?!"she shrieked."I can't run a country and fight a war all at once!!"

"Aw shucks, sure ya can!" Applejack said. She grinned. "We took Equestria without even tryin'. Nice."

"Not funny." Twilight huffed, before stomping off to consult her map while Applejack went back to eating her pie.

****************************

"Ah don't think this is too smart."

Apple Bloom sounded worried as she and her comrades stood hidden behind a bush near the battlefield.

"Oh relax!" Scootaloo said. "We have to help save Ponyville!"

Sweetie Belle needed no further urging. She charged, screaming, into the thick of battle, waving her sword with her magic. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom exchanged looks and followed.

"Sweetie Belle!" Rarity yelled. "Get out of here!"

"Never!" her little sister yelled back, stabbing a big pony in one side. He fell, winked, and then closed his eyes and feigned death. Rarity lost sight of the filly as a group of rebels got in her way. Sweetie Belle swung her sword with all her young might, taking out three more ponies. A nerf bullet whacked her rump and she yelled.

Scootaloo, meantime, was viciously fighting her way to Dash's side. The tired Dash gaped at her.

"Squirt, get outta here!" She said. "You'll get hurt!"

"Nope!" Scootaloo said, before leaping forward and poking a pony in the chest just and he was about to get Dash. He yelled as he fell. Dash grinned.

"Thanks, Scoots. Stay beside me, ok?"

Further away from them, Apple Bloom had made her way to Sweetie Belle, just in time to see the filly take a direct hit to the chest with a nerf bullet.

"Sweetie Belle!!" She yowled, as the little unicorn dropped. She rushed to her side and hugged her. "Sweetie Belle?"

"I'm...done in." Sweetie Belle gasped dramatically. "Finished! Dying! Ooh...I...feel...faint. A..Apple Bloom? Don't...forget me..."

"Never!" Choked out the farm filly, emotionally.

In a highly theatrical fashion that would do Rarity proud, Sweetie Belle flailed and writhed and gasped and groaned, and then, holding her body tense and still, she let out a shriek before going limp in Apple Bloom's grasp and giving a very low, shuddering breath. She shut her eyes.

"Sweetie Belle!!" Apple Bloom wailed. She hugged her fallen friend, then let go and rose. With renewed energy, she slashed and walloped her way to where Scootaloo was fighting alongside Dash. Rarity, Starlight, and Pinkie were all gathered there as well, fighting back to back.

"Apple Bloom!" Scootaloo said breathlessly. "You seen Sweetie Belle?"

"We...we lost her, Scootaloo." Apple Bloom whispered. Scootaloo stared.

"No! Not Sweetie!" Rarity cried out dramatically. "Oh, my little sister!! I love you so!" And she calmly poked another pony with her sword.

"It'll be ok, AB." Scootaloo said sadly."We'll have a nice funeral later. And...we won't forget her."

"Never." Apple Bloom replied with an affected sniff. She stood tall by Rarity and lifted her sword high. "For Sweetie Belle!"

With that, she flung herself into battle, eager to avenge her friend.
*********************************

Celestia and Luna, though they had both been 'assassinated', had somehow miraculously managed to ressurect and were now currently watching the continuing fight from the safety of a hilltop, along with other 'slain' ponies.

"This is really quite amusing." Luna remarked, as the sound of clicks and clacks, good natured insults, and theatrical 'dying' screams rose up to them. "Who do you think will come out victorious, Sister?"

"Hmm..." Celestia pondered it. "Well, at this point, it could go either way, but I am putting my money on the Defenders."

"Why, sister!" Luna said in mock dismay. "Are you taking the side against your dear former student?!"

"I am." Celestia said. "But if you tell her I did, I'll not only deny every word, I will exact revenge on you that you do not wish to face."

"Oh, Tia, please!" Luna scoffed. "I have faced being on the moon, Discord's revenge, Tirek's vengeance, and more. What could you possibly do that is more fearsome and horrible than that?"

Celestia grinned widely. Leaning toward her sister, she dropped her voice to a whisper.

"How about a very sound tickling session?" Luna gasped.

"Sister, you wouldn't!" She said.

"Wouldn't I?" Celestia replied with a giggle. "I happen to know a few tickle techniques that will have you begging for mercy."

Luna gulped. "And how would you know them?"

Celestia grinned down at the battlefield.

"Oh, a little pony told me about them."

Luna followed her line of sight to a pink pony wearing a...was that a cupcake hat??

"Do you mean...Pinkie Pie??? But...but I have heard her friends say she is the expert on tickle torture!"

Celestia smirked at her and gave a nod.

"Mmhmm."

"And you know her techniques??!"

"Mmhmmm!"

"And you would tickle torture me, just for telling Twilight you bet against her?!"

"Without hesitation."

"Well, ok, then. I am not going to say a word."

"Wise choice, Lulu. Very, very wise choice."
*********************************

Down below, the Rebel side had decided to retreat for now, and the Defenders drove them back out of town. Dash called her troops together and assigned them the task of tending to the injured and collecting the deceased to take to Sugarcube Corner.

"Oh Sweetie Belle." Scootaloo said, as Rarity levitated her sister and began carrying her to the bakery. "So brave. So loyal..."

"So young." Dash sighed. "I am so sorry, Scoots. Apple Bloom."

"Well. It will be hard. But we'll get over it." Scootaloo stated. "Like, in a month, maybe." Apple Bloom quietly snorted.

"Hey!" The 'corpse' exclaimed. "You can't get over it that fast!"

"Well, we will." Scootaloo said. "And you're dead, remember?"

Sweetie Belle huffed, but closed her eyes again. She was left at the bakery with the other casualties, to be brought back to life with cupcakes and cocoa. The others went to their headquarters.

"Soldiers," Dash said, sighing. "We lost alot of good colts, fillies, stallions, and mares out there today. Alot of our friends. It looks bleak, but we must not give up! We will not let Ponyville fall to those rebels! We will save this town!!!"

Her rousing speech was met with cheers and shouts. Dash grinned.

"Thank you. Now, I just have one more thing to say. Commander Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie snapped to attention.

"Yes Ma'am, General Dashie, Ma'am!"

"Take off that cupcake hat at once!"

"Aw, but Dashie, its so fun to wear it!" Pinkie pouted.

"Sure, and it makes you a sitting target. Take it off." Dash ordered.

"Can't I wear it, Dashie? Please?"

"No! Now get rid of it!"

"What if I wear it now and then toss it before any battles?"

'Celestia save me. She's gonna make me give in to the enemy and end the war right now, just to get her outta my mane!' Dash thought in frustration.

"Pinkie Pie...." it was growled.

"Yes, Dashie?"

"If I see that cupcake on your head again on the battlefield, I will take you out myself!"

"Awww! Dashie, that's so sweet!! But I'm totally not into mares! Well, I am, but only as friends. Not like, well...you know!"

Dash facehoofed.

"Captain Glimmer!"

"Yes, General Dash?" Starlight responded.

"Kindly remove Commander Pinkie from my presence before I unkindly remove her mane from her head!"

Starlight Glimmer wasted no time in pushing her friend from the room. But not before Pinkie Pie got in a last word.

"Does this mean I can wear my cupcake hat, Dashie??"

Rarity looked st Dash, who plunked her head down on the table and let out a loud moan.

"Somepony please put me out of my misery before I do something to her I'll regret!!!"

Author's Note

I am really enjoying writing this. :rainbowlaugh:

The Final Fight

Applejack and Twilight stood side by side, studying Twilight's newest plan of attack.

"Are ya sure this will work?" Applejack asked.

"Trust me, Applejack. This plan is guaranteed to take Ponyville. And without a problem." Twilight grinned.

"Ok, then. Lets go, ya'll!"

Applejack led her rebel troops to the edge of Ponyville. Up ahead, they could see the Defenders' guards dutifully standing watch.

"Ok. A Team, round to the right. B Team, to the left. C Team, circle round back."

Everypony moved to obey their leader. Applejack looked at Twilight, then back at the town. Twilight kept mental count. Applejack's walkie talkie crackled.

"General Applejack, Ma'am, all teams are in position."

"Alright. Lets do this." Applejack braced herself, then spoke into the walkie talkie. "All teams, go, now!"

There were whoops and yells as the rebels attacked from all sides, breaking past the guards and attacking the Defenders' best defenses. In their headquarters, Dash heard the yelling and sprang to her hooves. Starlight burst inside, puffing.

"General, they broke past into town from all sides! They're making their way through town!"

Dash led the charge out the door and down the street. The group met Applejack and her D team head on. Bullets flew, swords clacked, pillows whumped. Starlight blasted every rebel she could with her knockout spell. It was no longer a half hearted, light fight. The rebels fully intended to win. Dash fully intended to stop them. She and Applejack crossed swords while Rarity and Starlight faced Twilight.

"You!" Twilight said. "You hit me with a knockout spell!" Starlight gulped. Twilight's stern expression switched briefly to a grin. "Nice job, Starlight." Then she scowled again.

"Uh, thanks." Starlight said. "So, I guess now we fight again?"

"Yep." Twilight smirked. "Only this time, no magic barred. Unless, of course, its dangerous magic." Starlight chuckled at that.

"Ok. You asked for it."

She and Rarity attacked with their swords, and found that Twilight was very adept at fighting off both of them at once. She disarmed Rarity almost instantly, and sent Starlight tumbling head over hooves. Before they could recover, Twilight teleported elsewhere.

"She is sneaky." Starlight observed admiringly. Rarity tossed her mane.

"We shall track her down later."

The two mares leaped back into battle and fought their way to Dash. The cyan pegasus huffed and puffed with exertion as she fough against Applejack.

"Excuse us," Rarity said. "Darling, do you need a hoof?"

At Dash's nod, Rarity and Starlight dove in, driving Applejack back and forcing her to retreat. Dash's walkie talkie sprang to life.

"Help! Help! This is Captain Spike! Get to Town Hall ll right away! General Applejack's forces have just taken it!"

"Uh oh." Starlight said.

Dash called together her best fighters, including Rarity and Starlight, and led them to the town square while gasping into the walkie talkie, "Roger, Captain. Hang on. We're coming!"

Unfortunately, the path was blocked every so often by Applejack's rebels. They were able to fight them back, but it slowed them down. When they got to Town Hall, Applejack's rebels were all over it. And right out front was a group of rebels waiting for them.

"Ohhhh...horsefeathers." Dash muttered as they were surrounded. Starlight could teleport out, but she was so tired she wasn't sure she could take all her comrades with her, and she wasn't leaving them behind. So, she braced herself for the inevitable fight.

It came fast, with alot of yelling and shouting and clacking swords. Then the worst thing happened. From out of nowhere, a nerf bullet struck Rarity in the neck. She froze for a brief second, then flung up her hooves and shrieked. In true Rarity style, she lowered herself gracefully to the grass and then daintily kicked a few times before laying still.

"Rarity!!" Starlight cried, before she too, was struck with a bullet. It hit her squarely in the side, just behind her right foreleg. She sighed, then let out a dramatic yell before flopping down next to Rarity, who opened one eye long enough to wink.

"Starlight!!! Rarity!!! No!!" Dash cried.

"I'm only wounded, General!" Starlight called. "I think I'll live."

Dash attacked her nearest foe with renewed vengeance, cutting him down. Ponies were mercilessly dropped like flies as she fought her way forward. She made it to the steps before a bullet hit her left foreleg. She dropped. A grinning rebel lifted her sword, prepared to end the Defender, when suddenly a cheerful voice rang out.

"Not on my watch you don't!"

A cupcake came flying and smacked the rebel in the face. She shrieked and dropped instantly.

"Pinkie Pie!" Dash cried in relief. Then she scowled. "WHY ARE YOU IN THAT CUPCAKE HAT?!"

"Silly filly!" Laughed Pinkie. "I just couldn't fight without it! I really like wearing it! And if I got taken down, then my favourite hat goes too."

"I'll deal with you later!" Dash shouted. "Watch out!" Pinkie spun and fired at the rebel behind her. She ran up to help Dash up and then together they fought their way into Town Hall. Starlight watched them go, rolled her eyes, and sighed. She rubbed at an itch on her nose.

"You know that going in there without you is essentially abandoning you."

Starlight glared at Rarity, who had one eye open. "You know you're supposed to be dead." Rarity grinned and shut her eye again. Starlight looked at Town Hall.

'I hope they come out ok.'
******************************

Dash and Pinkie Pie jad successfuly dispatched a multitude of rebels and freed several Defenders. Spike was the last.

"Oh, thank Celestia!" He said. "I'm glad to see you! Apple Bloom just contacted me, though. The Boutique is under siege!"

"Well, we got this place back, lets go save that one." Dash said.

As they went back outside and headed for the boutique, Dash insisted on taking Starlight along, while Spike fell by Rarity.

"Oh Rarity!" The baby dragon said mournfully. "Dear, sweet Rarity. Love of my life. How do I live without you?" He sniffed.

"Uh, Spike?" Starlight said. "You do remember she's not actually dead and can hear every word you say...don't you?"

As if to confirm this, Rarity opened one eye and winked at Spike. He yelped.

"Oh! Oh, yeah! Right!" He blushed as Rarity gave him a quick nuzzle before returning to her deceased state. Dash was snickering, Pinkie giggled, and Starlight grinned.

"Lets go!" Dash said. "And Pinkie?"

"Yeeeesss?"

"Loose the Celestia-darned hat!!"

"Nope! No can do!"

"Insubordination, eh? Fine! Keep it! But I will deal with you later!"

"Okie dokie lokie!"

Dash groaned.

The arrival of Dash's small force put an end to the rebels' plan to take the boutique. They were driven back successfully, in spite of the fact that two of the Defenders were injured. All across town, the Defenders drove back the rebel forces with a vengeance, determined to save Ponyville.
********************************

"Gah! This just ain't workin'!" Applejack huffed, as she and Twilight hid in the alley behind Sugarcube Corner...which, since the failed plan to take it over earlier in the war, had been neutral ground. It mainly supplied food and drinks to the weary fighters and 'ressurected' the deceased ones. "More than half my troops have been wiped out, an' the count just keeps climbin'! Where the hay are they getting their fightin' power?!"

"I don't understand this!" Twilight said, panicking. "I went over everything! This plan should have worked!! Use all our fighters and attack from all sides. It was foolproof!"

"Well, it ain't now!" Applejuck growled. "We're gettin' creamed out there! Some of us literally..." She shook her head at the image of Pinkie wielding her whipped cream gun. "The point is, we're losing!"

Twilight was about to reply, when somepony yelled.

"There! Two rebel leaders! Get em!"

Applejack and Twilight ran for the lives, dodging Defenders all the way. If they were captured, that was it. The rebels would be done. They made for the edge of town.

"Almost free!" Twilight gasped.

She probably shouldn't have said it. A group of Defenders burst out in front of them, cutting them off.

"Uh oh..." Twilight gasped, as she and Applejack skidded to a stop and found themselves surrounded.

"Well, this ain't how Ah saw this ending." Applejack muttered, as she braced to fight...which probably would end in disaster. Twilight followed her lead, standing with head slightly down.

Up above them, on a rooftop, Luna looked amused. "How do you see this ending?"

Celestia snorted. "Twilight and Applejack will easily get out of this, rally their troops, and keep fighting." She spoke sarcastically.

"Really?"

"No."

"How long do you think they will last?"

"I predict they will last only a few minutes."

Both sisters watched the scene below, grinning.

"Surrender!" Spoke up one of the Defenders.

"Never!" Twilight said.

"What she said!!" Applejack snapped.

"Lets take em." The leader said.

The fight that ensued lasted all of two minutes before the rebel leaders were subdued and taken prisoner. Cheers and shouts rang out as they were paraded through town.

"Ya don't have to sound that happy." Applejack grumbled.

But they did. They cheered louder because the war was finally over and Ponyville was saved!

Author's Note

Still more ahead, I promise. Lol

Epilogue

"Ahem! Attention please!"

All eyes went to Dash. Everypony was relaxing after the hard battle. The princesses were also present, and still amused.

"Everypony has been dealt with but one." Dash went on. "Captain Glimmer! Bring forth Commander Pinkie!" Starlight calmly levitated the giggling pony to stand in front of Dash.

"Hey, Dashie!" Pinkie said gleefully. "Great battle, huh? Can we do it again? Ooh! Can I be in your army again?"

"Next time you're on whatever army I'm not in charge of." Dash said. Then she shook her head. "But that's not why you're here now. Commander Pinkie, you are charged with disobeying a direct order and insubordination. How do you plead?" Pinkie though about it. Then she acted.

"Please don't be mad, Dashie! Please? I'm sorry if I made you unhappy at me! I'm pleading with you, don't be mad!" She brightened. "How's that for pleading?"

Everypony was trying not to laugh. Dash looked ready to snap. She took a deep breath.

"I mean," she said."Are you guilty or are you not?"

"Not what?"

"Guilty."

"Dashie, what did you do?!"

"What? Me?? Huh??"

"You said you were guilty!!"

"Not me, you!"

"You what?"

"No, not you! I mean, yes you! You are!"

"I'm what?"

"Guilty!"

"Oh, Dashie, don't yell. I'm sure you weren't that bad."

"Not me, Pinkie! You! You're guilty!!"

"No, I'm not. I'm Pinkie."

Dash stood there, red faced, puffing. This was not how she meant this to go!! Everypony was in fits of laughter by now.

"Pinkie Pie, you are guilty! You wore your cupcake hat after I said not to!"

"Of course, silly!"

"Then you confess! You did it!"

"Did what?"

"Pinkie Pie. Did I not tell you to lose the hat?"

"Yes, you did."

"And did you?"

"Nope!"

"Then you are guilty of disobeying my order!"

"Ohhhhhhhh! Ok. Yep. I did it. I'm guilty."

"Finally!" Dash muttered, while everypony laughed. "Pinkie Pie, as punishment for your disobedience, I order you to be executed by your own party canon."

"Ooh, goody! Can Cupcake be executed too??" Pinkie said excitedly.

"Sure, why not?" Dash said. Pinkie giggled.

Starlight, shaking with laughter, barely managed to nudge Pinkie up to the short wall built of stacked haybales. Pinkie grinned. Dash motioned, and Spike rolled the canon over, getting it into position.

"Wait!" Pinkie yelled. Dash arched an eyebrow. "I don't think Cupcake deserves this." Pinkie held out her hat. "He didn't disobey an order. I did. Dashie? Will you pardon Cupcake?"

Dash threw up her hooves in exasperation.

"Fine! Cupcake is pardoned!" Pinkie handed the hat to Starlight. "Now, ready!"

Pinkie stood tall, blue eyes locked on her party canon. "I love you all." She announced. "You too, Dashie. Even if you are shooting me with my own canon."

Dash sighed. She gave the order and Spike yanked the cord. The canon went off, covering Pinkie Pie in whipped cream and frosting. Dash grinned widely.

'Ah, sweet, sweet justice!' She thought smugly.

Pinkie sprawled on the ground for just a minute before bounding up and laughing gleefully as she licked the sticky combo off her muzzle. She soon had herself tidy again and joined her friends.

"So you're not upset that you were assassinated?" Twilight asked the princesses.

"Not at all." Celestia said with a smile. "It was quite enjoyable. And then we watched the rest of the war and decided who we believed would win."

"Well, I'm glad we saved Ponyville." Dash said. "But that war was exhausting."

"Tell me about it!" Starlight said. "I used that knock out spell so much I think it gave me a headache!" Everypony laughed. The war certainly had been tiring. But oh, so much fun!!

"Next time, you be the ones out to get Ponyville." Twilight said. "And maybe your plan of attack will be better than mine. I don't know how that last plan failed." She sighed.

"We gave it our best, sugarcube." Applejack said.

"That you did." Dash agreed. "I have never had such wonderful enemies. And yeah, we'll totally be the rebels next time. Once everypony recovers from this time."

"Yes, please." Rarity spoke up.

"And perhaps next time my sister will root for your side." Luna said to Twilight.

"That would be so great! Wait....what??" Twilight blinked. "What do you mean? Princess Celestia, were you against me???"
Celestia stared hard at Luna.

"I'm sorry, Twilight."

"Well, this is certainly encouraging." Twilight sighed. "My former teacher against me."

"Luna." Celestia did not attempt to mask her annoyance. Luna flinched as everypony looked on curiously.

"Yes, sister?"

"Do you remember our chat on the hill?"

"Yes...?"

"You told Twilight."

"Yes."

"Luna."

"Uh huh?"

"There is about to be another war."

"No. Tia, please. I'm sorry."

"Oh, you will be. Pinkie Pie?"

"Yeppers!" Pinkie piped up.

"You are my tickle torture teacher. Will you assist me? My sister requires it."

"Yes Ma'am, Princess Celestia, Ma'am!" Pinkie saluted. Luna uttered a shriek and tried to flee, only to be pounced on by Celestia.

"Sister, no!" Luna wailed, as Celestia put her hoof on the younger's side. "I am sorry! No tickling, please!"

"Sorry, Luna. You asked for it."

Celestia started tickling. Mercilessly. In front of the entire town of Ponyville. Pinkie giggled and trotted over to oversee the proceedings.

"Ooh...hahaha...Tia, stop....heehee....hahahaha....no....gah!...hahahahaheeheehaha!! Stop!!" But Celestia showed no signs of stopping. She grinned up at Pinkie.

"How am I doing?"

"You're doing okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie replied giggling. "But, you know, you can really get her if you use both hooves!"

Celestia grinned and started tickling both of Luna's sides at once. Her sister responded by howling louder with laughter.

The other ponies looked at each other in a mix of amusement and suprise. Twilight sat slack jawed. She'd never seen such behaviour from the princesses before!

"Well," Dash said with a grin,"I guess we know never to mess with Celestia. She's as bad a tickle torturer as Pinkie!" She shuddered.

"Eeyup." Applejack said.

Ignoring the shrieks of laughter from Luna, Dash looked at the farmer.

"So...about Pinkie Pie."

"Yeah...?" Applejack said suspiciously.

"Can you please take her on your side next time?! She nearly drove me completely nuts!!"

Applejack stared at her, mirth evident in her eyes.

"Suppose Ah say no?" She asked.

Dash met her gaze squarely. Her voice held alot of desperation.

"Then I'm gonna save myself some agony and have somepony kill me before the war even starts!!!"

"That bad, huh?"

"Worse!!"

"Well, alright. Can't have ya sacrificin' yourself before the war breaks out, so Ah'll take her."

"AJ, you are a life saver."

"Ah know, Dash. Tell me something Ah don't know."

Dash sighed in relief. Then she glanced at Pinkie, who was still telling Celestia how to properly tickle her sister. She shook her head and sighed.

'Oh, AJ. I'm sorry for what I just got you to agree to!'

She snickered.

'But not too sorry!"