Memoirs of a Royal Clock

by Singularity Dream

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Original Character, Royal Guard
Length: 1726

A few moments in the life of Mr Clockerson, royal palace guard clock.

The royal guard is not comprised of only ponies. In the palace even items of office equipment have pride in their work. This story recalls the two most important moments in the life of Mr Clockerson.

If you haven't read Three of Hearts you won't get some of the humor.

Inspired by one of my favorite short stories: Blagdaross by Lord Dunsany. Found in the collection A Dreamer's Tales by Lord Dunsany. Which you should totally buy.

Published 2018-10-12 13:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-10-12 13:10:01 UTC

Mr Clockerson's first day in the royal guard

The citizens see the shiny gold armor of the royal guard on patrol and are impressed. Few think about the behind the scenes work that keep the royal guard running. The paperwork, the schedules, and the pony resources officers that keep everything going smooth. Even the members of the royal guard itself think little of those that support them. The chairs that they rest on while doing paperwork. The carpets that protect their hooves from hard stone floors while they patrol the palace. The clocks on the walls that make sure everypony sticks to the efficient schedules.

I'm not here to be appreciated. I'm here to do a job. Ticktock Clockerson is my name and my job is to keep track of time so the ponies who use this office are punctual for all of their appointments. I am the first of my family to get a job in the palace itself, but I come from a long line of bakery timepieces and I know how important even seconds can be when important duties are on the line.

Replacing a old veteran is always difficult for a new recruit. Especially one from a non-royal guard line. I might be the latest and best constructed clock available, but that doesn't mean much when everything is used to the old and familiar. I knew it was only a matter of time until I won the rest of the office over, but first impressions are everything.

The nail on the wall I hung from had worked with the previous clock for years. I could tell he didn't like me much from the moment I arrived. Some of it was the nail was close to retirement itself and a new clock with magic instead of gears was not something it wanted to deal with. He was too professional to outright sabotage me, but at a certain age it is just willpower keeping a nail in the wall and a moment of distraction can mean failure.

Which is what happened about mid-morning when the two ponies in the office were deep in some kind of paperwork. I had only a moment of warning before the nail slipped and we both fell off the wall. The clatter got both ponies attention, but not in a good way. Both had frowns and the closer one sighed and got up. The other gave a polite smile and dove back into palace paperwork. Despite my best efforts I had fallen behind a set of shelves so the guard had to strain and struggle with one wing to get me out of there. The nail was a lost cause and I'm not sure the pony even thought about it.

"I'll go get one of the palace janitors to put the clock back up," the pegasus guard said as he set me on his desk.

"Have fun getting the old exercise you'll get today," the other guard spoke without looking up from her paperwork.

I continued to tick tock away. Even a fall like that wouldn't stop me from doing my job. Not brand new on my first day especially! I also tried my best to keep the paperwork under me from scattering as paperwork is wont to do. You'd think that official royal guard stationary and forms would understand the importance of staying in organized piles, but the paper on the top of any pile wants nothing but to escape and travel.

"Yeah, I thought it might not hold. Really should have put in a new nail when I swapped out the clocks," a rough older stallion's voice said as the guard who left returned. "It's just been so busy."

"I understand," the guard smiled. "I might have left it until later, but this one doesn't need winding."

"Yeah. Gonna suck not dropping in for a moment at the end of each day to chat."

I sighed and did my best to maintain a steady second hand at that. The latest in magical technology meant that I would never be slow, but seeing a routine disrupted like that was always hard. If the room I was in was ever down to one pony it might be difficult for them. Without the need for the maintenance staff to drop in daily to wind the clock there would be no regular reason for another pony to come visit.

Oh well, the office is big enough that there should always be two ponies assigned here. Wish I could have some kind of uniform like the rest of the guard. Okay, uniform would actually get in the way of doing my job. Maybe a hat?

Author's Note

Written for the Quill & Blade contest 2018 Super Summer Jam. Which I wasn't going to enter, but then I got a flash of inspiration that just couldn't be ignored.

Working on the second chapter. Where I attempt use a single inanimate object's internal monologue to show a romance. It's been slow going. Maybe I should switch from present perspective to a past tense 'remembering the events' sort of thing.

Mr Clockerson in the dark of morning.

Mister Clockerson had been a member of the royal guard for a few years and fit in quite well. The ponies in the office he occupied changed over time. It was nice to hear the pairs of ponies that got assigned to the office talk about work and their lives. Mister Clockerson did not get much gossip, or get out much himself. There wasn't even any windows for him to look out of during the night when he was off duty. Of course he was always on call in case somepony needed to know the time in the middle of the night. Being a royal guard is a twenty-four hour job. During the night he could relax though.

Except for one incident during his first year, a unicorn student had apparently summoned a gigantic dragon, except for that everything had been quiet. Which was good. Mister Clockerson was ready to serve in any fashion he could, but his non-timekeeping skills were extremely limited. Not to mention that in a crisis precise timekeeping is not a critical ability. Mister Clockerson took pride that he was most important when things were quiet and calm. Life was best when royal guards had nothing to do.

He had a partner in duty. The calendar on the wall next to the door helped keep track of days the same way Mister Clockerson kept track of hours and minutes. Thought it always seemed that a new calendar was transfered in just as Clockerson had gotten used to the current one. Each one was appreciated, even if a few of the calendars brought in by the pony guards had... somewhat lewd tastes in what is approprate to show in a professional office. Though Mister Clockerson supposed he shouldn't blame the calendars for such lewdness. They were just doing their job same as him.

It was with the help of the current calendar assigned to the room that Clockerson knew that it was Summer Sun Celebration. The longest night of the year when all the ponies celebrated Celestia and the defeat of some ancient evil a long time ago. Clockerson reminded himself once again that it meant the pony guards would be late and probably have hangovers when they reported in after the all-night parties.

Clockerson reminded himself of this as morning came. He couldn't see outside of course, the office has no windows. There was something of an edge to the darkness of the unlit room. He was not a supersitions clock but the palace did not feel right. Something about the sounds that could be felt more than heard through the marble walls. Something was wrong. The darkness of the unlit room felt more oppressive than it should.

Mister Clockerson could heard the sound of ponies galloping. Raised voices from outside the palace could barely be heard through the closed door of the office. Which meant that either the windows in the hallway were open or the raised voices were very loud indeed. Mister Clockerson hoped the rest of the guard could handle whatever the problem was.

His duty was clear. It might be a crisis, the pony guards might not need to know precise time, but that did not absolve him of his duty. A quartet of hooves ran down the hallway just outside the office. Which spurred him to further action. Or, to be accurate, spurred him to inaction. He was no longer the latest and greatest magical clock on the market, but he still had plenty of fancy abilities. One of which was that during the night the clock hands and numbers glowed so they were visible in the dark. He was supposed to turn them off when dawn came and there was light enough to see. Mister Clockerson was smart enough to know exactly when dawn was supposed to happen, but something told him the sun had not risen yet. So instead of turning off the magic glow he did his best to glow even brighter. Anypony that so much as glanced into the office would know what time it was. Even with the longer than normal time glowing would drain his magical energy and hasten when he would need either to be recharged or replaced.

It didn't matter if an evil goddess of night spread her dominion over all of Equestria. Mister Clockerson would spend the rest of his existance making sure ponies could tell the time even if he had to burn every thaum of magic in his crystals to keep himself visible in the darkness.

Author's Note

Is it good? Probably not! I needed about 300 more words to meet FimFic's wordcount minimum and I wasn't having any luck with the romance chapter. Then it hit me! I should do something about how Mr Clockerson handled Nightmare Moon's return! That should be good for at least 300 words.

Turns out the lead-up to that was worth about three times that. Maybe less if I tossed it at an editor. However, this is pure for fun stream of consciousness word-mess. Call it experimental fiction.

That's right. Memoirs of a Royal Clock is the next House of Leaves. Just you wait and see!