Cutie Mark Crusaders: Mystery Solvers

by DudeManGuy

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Pinkie Pie, Crossover, Human
Length: 5983

A stranger appears in Ponyville in a magical van. The shadier parts of town are shown to the girls.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders have a lot of time on their hands. None of their shenanigans will produce a cutie mark, but a strange man with a van appears before them and all that's left to do is adventure. Laughs are had, tears are shed, but through it all, a new friend is made.

Published 2012-08-02 01:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-02 01:34:02 UTC

Gritty in Pink

Cutie Mark Crusaders: Mystery Solvers!
Chapter 1: Gritty in Pink

DISCLAIMER: This story borrows heavily from the story titled "Cupcakes" by Sgt. Sprinkles. I do not own any depiction or form of any characters from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. All other characters are clearly my own and no other famous work of fiction is drawn from in this adventure. Enjoy!

It was a pretty average day in Equestria. The sun was shining impossibly bright and the grass was green as ever. A perfect day to play outside. Of course that was the thought process of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who would be found out in their tree house by Sweet Apple Acres. They were up to the usual things, deciding on how to acquire cutie marks and lazing around until something sounded good. Sweetie Belle suggested maybe they could go out and climb trees.

“Maybe we could be monkeys?” she offered. Apple Bloom wasn’t having it though, and ignored the ridiculous idea. “I don’t see you making any suggestions...” Sweetie pouted.

“We can’t be monkeys Sweetie Belle, unless we can transform.” Scootaloo replied. Then she thought for a second. “Hey, maybe our talents could be transformation! Then we could fight crime as cool shape-shifting super heroes!”. Scoots danced around the floor, shadow boxing and kicking at random things pretending to be a crime fighter. It was incredibly silly.

“No no girls, if there’s anythin’ mah sister taught me it’s that you should stay humble. There ain’t no way we can learn ta shape-shift, let alone fight crime.” Apple Bloom reminded the two bluntly. They were fresh out of ideas.

“Rainbow Dash would have liked the idea.” said a disheartened Scootaloo. But Apple Bloom was right, shape-shifting was a thing of fairy tales and probably Twilight Sparkle, who can do damn near everything. “Well why don’t we go and walk around a bit, maybe we’ll find something to do?”

And so the three stepped down from the tree house. The woods around were very light, allowing plenty of sun to shine between the leaves. The three fillies trotted through the trees towards Sweet Apple Acres, hoping that maybe Applejack would have something for them to do. At some turns of the path there were things to do, like fix an old piece of fence that hadn’t been used in decades, and saving a rabbit from a snake that followed it hungrily. Nothing came of it though, they were neither fencers nor rabbit savers. Figures.

Well soon they came across something a little more interesting, and oh was it interesting. The three friends stopped as a ball of light appeared in front of them. Time and space seemed to warp as colors began to flood the vortex. Apple Bloom’s jaw dropped as Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle watched in awe. “You sure we can’t shape-shift?” Scootaloo asks. Honestly anything seemed possible in this marvelous spectacle. Surely Twilight had something to do with it, as they saw some purples in the mix of color. However the purple dissipated into greens and teals. Maybe Rainbow Dash? No, it was unlikely that she would be involved in something like this.

The warping and shifting calmed down as something began to materialize out of the portal. It was large, seemingly clunky and a bit foreign to the fillies who had never been out of Equestria, let alone Ponyville. The most they’ve seen beyond home is Canterlot, and not even much of that. Their expressions widened as wonder filled their eyes. Was it a type of bird? No, it had no wings. Was it a new species of pony? No, it had no hooves. Unbeknownst to them, it was a van. A large van painted mostly blue with a lot of green designs, and the words “The Mystery Machine” painted on both sides. There were also a few orange flowers to accent it all. It was very pretty indeed, but still the three little ponies had no idea what the hell they were looking at. As they pondered, speechless, the back door opened releasing a cloud of smoke. A tall man wearing a green shirt and brown slacks stepped out.

“Like whoa, I shouldn’t have eaten that pizza. Where am I?” the man asked. He spotted the three young ponies standing, awestruck, and laughed a little. “Dude, you’re like, tiny horses! What’s up with that?”

Apple Bloom stepped forward and mustered all the courage she had to speak up. “Mah name’s, uh... Apple Bloom... And these are mah friends...”. The tall man’s eyes widened when he heard her talk. It was certainly an odd thing to find a talking horse. “If’n you don’t mind me askin’... Where in tarnation did you come from?”

“Zoinks, they can talk! Like holy cow, or horse I guess.” the man exclaimed. His pun was really not that funny, but what sounded like an audience laughing came from the van. Almost as if somebody played a track... Of people laughing... “My name’s like, Norville, but you can call me Shaggy. Or Shags if you prefer.” he explained. Shaggy scratched his head and looked around a bit. “Hey do you horses know of a good sandwich place around here, I think I got the munchies.”

“Uh... Well I don’t know about sandwiches, but Sugar Cube Corner makes some good sweets!” Scootaloo piped up. After realizing that this guy wasn’t bad, she decided an introduction couldn’t hurt. “My name’s Scootaloo, but you can call me Scoots if you prefer. I’m the best athlete in our class!”

“And I’m Sweetie Belle!” Sweetie Belle interjected in her sweetest, most bell-like voice.

“Like whoa dudes, this is kind of freakin’ me out. But I’m totally down for some sweets. Where’s this corner cube place?” Shaggy asked. He was really hungry, and honestly anything could do, sandwich or no.

“It’s just down the road, in Ponyville!” Sweetie Belle explained. “We can walk there in no time!”

“Well ok but is it safe to leave the Mystery Machine alone here?”

“A course it is! Ain’t nothin’ scary livin’ in these ‘ere woods.”

“Groovy, let’s go get some grub.” Shaggy insisted. The four continued down the road and went directly past Sweet Apple Acres. Granny Smith was sitting in her rocking chair on the porch, taking a nap when she heared footsteps.

“What in the tarnation are you fillies doin? And whose this strappin’ youngin you got followin’ you around?” she asked tiredly. “You know ah’m takin’ a nap, why’d you go and wake me up?”

“Sorry Granny Smith, we just met this guy out in the woods and were gonna show him to Sugar Cube Corner. He’s mighty hungry and I suppose I’m feelin’ a little peckish myself.” Apple Bloom explained. It probably sounded like a whole lot of nothing to the old mare. In fact, she was already asleep by the time Apple Bloom was done talking. She shrugged apologetically and they continued on their way.

Walking through the town, they all noticed a strange absence of anypony venturing outside. Even Rainbow Dash was nowhere to be seen and she practically doesn’t have a home. It was a little eerie to say the least. After making some progress towards the bakery, they all heard an ear-shattering screech. They turned to see what it was and noticed a white pony with a purple mane galloping towards them. It was Rarity, and she scooped up Sweetie Belle on her way by. Stopping just a few feet away from the others, she put Sweetie down and cleared her throat. “Now Sweetie Belle, what are you doing walking around with this tall and strange thing? Didn’t I ever tell you that talking to strangers is bad? Now come with me, it’s not safe out here with this ugly... Thing. That means you too Apple Bloom and Scootaloo. Your sister would be very angry with you!” she glared at Apple Bloom. Walking back towards her workshop, expecting the fillies to follow, she didn’t actually hear anypony. Nobody followed. She turned back, fuming. “Now when I tell my little sister to follow me I appreciate it when she does. Common manners Sweetie, try exercising them once in a while.”

“No! Shaggy is a nice guy and I want to stay with them!”

“No need to get belligerent Sweetie Belle, I’m only looking out for your best interest. He’s not a pony and likely doesn’t belong here. It’s best that you leave him alone.” Rarity retorted.

“Well I don’t need your protection sis, I have my friends. We’re just going to get some cake! Besides, if you’re really worried, Pinkie will be there.” Sweetie Belle explained. The three walked right past a very perturbed and offended Rarity. “Bitch” Sweetie mumbles as they walk by.

“What was that?!”

“Nothing sis, just clearing my throat.” Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo hoof bumped. That bitch got shut down. They listened to their own hoof steps echo in the large empty street that was Ponyville. Still a little unsettled by the emptiness of the town, they finally reached Sugar Cube Corner. Out front, Pinkie Pie was arranging a sign. It said ‘Special! Cupcakes for every flavor of the rainbow!’. She was humming a happy little tune. The Crusaders and Shaggy approached her, and she turned to greet them.

“Hey! What’s shakin’ bacon? Is this your new friend?” she asked, getting dangerously close to his face and smiling wider than physics should ever allow. She smelled something dank on his breath and backed off, chuckling nervously. “You guys here for some cupcakes? I just made a brand new batch! Fresh out of the oven!”

“Like, dude, you read my mind. Far out!” Shaggy replied. At last they would have cupcakes. He boogied on in the door. Seeing the array of cupcakes on the counter, his mouth began to water. The others follow him in and Pinkie nearly teleported behind the counter.

“We’ve got Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, and Purple! All the colors of the rainbow except for pink, but I guess I got that covered!” She laughed. “And they all come in any flavor you want! And what the hay, since I like you all so much how about a free cupcake for each of you! On me of course. Well not literally on me because that would be messy. And frosting doesn’t come out of my mane very well, I would know!” She handed a cupcake to each. A red one to Apple Bloom, an Orange one to Scootaloo, and a purple one to Sweetie Belle. She also gave a green one to Shaggy. “You know I’ve never seen you around Ponyville before. Never too late to make a new best friend I guess! My names’ Pinkamena Diane Pie, but you can call me Pinkie if you prefer!” She held out a hoof for a shake. Shaggy grabbed it and shook it. Bros been made and shit was phat.

“Zoinks, I guess talking horses are pretty groovy. And you make cupcakes so you’re, like, cool with me” Shaggy said excitedly. He brought the cupcake to his mouth. The scent of sugar and cream wafted into his nostrils as he planned to take a bite of the cupcake. Closing his mouth around it, he ate the whole thing in one bite. Shaggy chewed sloppily, not really caring about his company at the moment. “Like wow Pinkie, that was pretty good.” He chewed some more and then felt something. A hair. He pulled it out of his mouth and kept eating. Pinkie snatched it up and gasped.

“Oh no! A piece of hair got into your cupcake? It’s blue, it must belong to Mrs. Cake. I’m so sorry! Here, have a few more on me.” she apologized. She then took the hair over to the trash and tossed it in. A mushroom cloud rose from the trash but nobody batted an eyelash. They all just came to expect this from Pinkie. The oven opened and out came another batch of cupcakes, and Pinkie slid it on the counter for them all to try. “Get ‘em while they’re hot!”

“Don’t mind if I do!” Scootaloo exclaimed. She reached up and grabbed another one, chomping it down as fast as she could.

“How do you enjoy it when you eat it all in one bite? I like to enjoy my cupcakes.” Sweetie Belle explained, as she ate hers in small bites, getting everything she could from the rich and unique flavor.

Apple Bloom, however, was on the same bandwagon as Scoots and Shags. She shoved it in her face, making a bit of a mess. She got red frosting all over her nose and then licked it off. “Mmm mm! Apple flavor! How’d you know that was mah favorite?”

“Lucky guess I guess!” Pinkie beamed. She reveled in her quirkiness, and everybody seemed to be enjoying themselves. “Hey, I gotta start making some more, so I need to go down to the basement to get some stuff. I’ll be right back up!” She opened the door and headed down the stairs. The door remained open and it was dark... Unnaturally so in fact. Shaggy continued snacking on cupcakes but then caught a glimpse of the all-consuming shadow of Pinkie’s basement. He began to tremble a little and his voice got shaky.

“Uh, hey horse dudes, does that look spooky to you too?”

“Yeah, that is a mite strange. Perhaps Pinkie has something down there she doesn’t want anypony to see?” Apple Bloom guessed.

“Doubt it, Pinkie’s too nice to be ominous like that. Hey, we could go down and check it out!” Scootaloo suggested.

“Like whoa Scoots, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. There could be a groovy mystery down there or something and I don’t like to fight ghosts on a full stomach.” Shaggy admitted. Of course, this only excited the three fillies.

In unison, they all shouted “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS! MYSTERY SOLVERS!”. They all started laughing and running around excitedly at the idea of having cutie marks in mystery solving. Pinkie came upstairs again carrying a box labeled ‘cupcakes’ and brought it behind the counter.

“Gee, you guys sure are happy! Guess my cupcakes were a smashing success! Hey, why do you look so nervous guy?” She asked, noticing Shaggy shaking in his boots. “I promise there isn’t anything in Ponyville to be afraid of!”. She carried her box to the kitchen and out of view of the others.

“Hey, now’s our chance!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed, opening the basement door.

“Yeah, let’s go catch us a ghost!” Apple Bloom exclaimed excitedly, as she bounded for the door.

“Nuh uh! Me first!” Scootaloo argued. The two fought to get through the door, but Shaggy grabbed their tails and pulled them back.

“Like, I don’t know about this guys. I’ve solved some far out things before but this seems a little suspicious.” Shaggy said nervously. “Besides, there’s probably nothing down there.”

“Except all of the delicious things that Pinkie and the Cakes put into their baking.” Scootaloo replied. Suddenly Shaggy stopped shaking.

“Like you’re totally right Scoots. There can’t be much down there that I haven’t seen before.” he laughed and then walked forward. Putting his right foot on the very first step, his nerves began to act up again. “Totally not scared at all guys, like I’m totally fine.” He continued to walk down the stairs slowly, step by step, with the Crusaders behind him. Each step creaked under his foot, since the stairs, and the whole building in general was made for ponies much smaller than him. Upon reaching the very bottom, nothing could be seen. It was pitch black and they didn’t have a torch. Or so they thought. Shaggy pulled a lighter out of his pocket and ignited it. The faint glow was barely enough to see, which was odd because Pinkie seemed to have no problem navigating down there with no light. There were a few doors to choose from, each labeled except for one. There was the supplies room, and there was an ingredient room. Then there was the blank room. Deciding not to try the blank room right away, the team split up. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle went into the supply room, and Shaggy and Scootaloo went into the ingredient room.

In the ingredient room, there were boxes piled high. All of them had something written on them, be it sugar or spice, hell there was one literally labeled ‘Everything Nice’. Scootaloo figured it was just Pinkie being Pinkie and didn’t assume it was anything particularly special. Shaggy, however, was intrigued and opened it up. It was full of cookie dough. Holy fucking jackpot. “Hey Scoots, check what I found!”

Scootaloo turned around to join up with Shaggy to check it out, and ogled at the fresh and gooey cookie dough, ripe for the eating. They both dug in and grabbed a handful, promptly shoving it all in their mouths. Shaggy then pocketed a bunch of it and they kept looking around. They didn’t find much, but they did find more delicious things like Jimmies, and some candied hay. The two decided it was in their best interest, of course, to sit down and indulge themselves on the bounty. Shaggy knew what he liked, and he knew this was what he’d get if he went to the ingredients room.

The others, however, weren’t having the same good time. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle found themselves in a slightly cramped room, though the room itself was rather large. There were so many broken mixers and can openers that it was hard not to step on one. They were surrounded by boxes and machinery, all cooking utensils of course, but it was still rather unsettling. “Mayhaps we should go back an catch up with the other two” Apple Bloom suggested, obviously not liking the dark too too much. Sweetie Belle nodded and they turned around, just realizing that they didn’t know how to get back. The two girls looked around corners and boxes only to keep running into each other.

“Hey Apple Bloom, I think I found the exit!” Sweetie Belle yelled as she approached a door that she found. She opened it, but as the door swung open she was accosted by something she didn’t expect: a large pony with wild eyes and a blood red coat and a grin that could curdle the blood of an entire biker gang. It was wearing a chef hat and apron, and had a rolling pin in it’s mouth. The sinister pony reared back and Sweetie Belle screamed for dear life. She ran. She ran faster than she ever thought she could, and she grabbed Apple Bloom on her way. The red pony was right behind them, relentless and seemingly violent. The two found the door fast and turned directly into the ‘Ingredients’ room. As if seeing perfectly in the dark, the two pounded at the floor with adrenaline directly towards Shaggy and Scootaloo, who were both stuffed with sweets. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom crashed directly into them and they got all tangled in a comical fashion.

“Scootaloo! Shaggy! We have to get out of here! There’s an evil red pony who wants to kill us all and we need to get out of here! We need to get out of here now!” Sweetie shouted, concerned for her well being. They all stood up, brushed themselves off, and looked around. The nerves were high with all of them now, but especially the two that were chased. From the distance they heard a blood thirsty whinny, and Shaggy jumped about a foot. In a confused rush of fear, they all ran. They ran in different directions, but all knew where they were going. The door. They got out to the stairs and found the assailant standing tall on the step, blocking the path. They all ran back into the ingredients room. He chased.

They ran for a while, dodging around boxes and spilled piles of jelly beans. Eventually, they got the red monster pony behind them and ran back out, but in a blur of terror they all forgot that they could go up the stairs. From upstairs, however, the radio was heard playing an ironically fitting song about getting chased by a red pony. It sounded an awful lot like it was from the late 60s. The four of them all ran into the supplies room, where they did the same roundabout trick to get him behind them. Upon leaving that room, they split up once more. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo went back to Ingredients, but Shaggy and Apple Bloom went into the mystery room. The angry red pony turned back into the Supplies room because he decided chasing them was fucking stupid at this point.

Taking a quick and unthinking step into the room, Shaggy stepped on something wet. He slipped on it and ended up on the wall in the back of the room. He hit the wall and made a loud ‘BANG’, and the wet slapping of something hitting the floor resonated around him. Something probably round rolled off of a table and fell to the ground, cracking on impact. Apple Bloom closed the door behind them and searched the wall for a light switch. The wall was incredibly dry and flaky, but if pressed hard enough certain bubbles of what she guessed was paint would still prove to be sticky, if not a little crusted. Finally she found a switch and flipped it, causing a few rows of florescent lights to flicker on. What was shown was gruesome to say the least. Streamers of flesh, probably intestines Apple Bloom thought. Balloons made of flesh and skulls painted brightly, strewn around in piles on tables and the floor. Shaggy sat against the wall, dazed from the impact, and his eyes were derping around a little bit. Upon gaining consciousness, he first saw Apple Bloom standing by the door, her eyes void of any sort of sanity for a brief moment as the horror of what she was seeing seeped into her brain. That wasn’t paint, that was blood. The walls were painted red with blood. Then she saw something to make it all that much worse. The label of the room. The one that was supposed to be on the door. It was sitting on the table. ‘Cupcakes’. She threw up a little in her mouth realizing what that meant, and then saw a stack of boxes also labeled ‘Cupcakes’, much like the one Pinkie carried up the stairs. Then there was the rack. There was a table in the middle of the room with iron cuffs on it, as if to use for torture. It was stained red with blood and a few other colors that she didn’t want to think about.

“Like, what’s up with you Apples, did you see a ghost?” Shaggy asked. Then he looked around. He practically pissed himself and jumped to his feet. “Zoinks! Let’s get the fuck out of here!” he yelled and ran for the door. However, the door was locked and he couldn’t get out. This prompted him to freak out a little more and shake the door violently. “Like, let us out! We’re trapped in here!” he yelled. No answer. Only the sound of hoofs beating fast. Like running. Like somebody being chased. Like Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle being chased by that thing. It was actually. In fact that’s exactly what it was.

The door was broken open. Shaggy was sent flying and slammed his head on a table, dazing him again. Eye derping commences. The spectacle was rather amusing for Apple Bloom, who came to her senses when the door broke open. Sweetie Belle ran in with a jack-o-lantern on her head, followed by Scootaloo who somehow found a unicycle and was now riding it. The large red pony ran in behind them with a carrot on his head like a horn and a tea-pot that said “Hell Yes” on it. Also, the music on the radio was louder now and filtering in through the stair well. Scootaloo ran over a piece of intestine and fell off the unicycle, only to land on something soft and light. Feathery actually. And blue. It was a blue wing. How odd. She looked around the room and took in what they just stumbled upon. Holy fucking fuck. It all made sense now. And then of course Scoots realized what she was laying on. Rainbow Dash’s wing.

“What the... WHAT THE FUCK?” she cried, a little piece of her dying inside as she traced her eyes along a trail of blue feathers to a back room. The red pony was still chasing Sweetie Belle, who had somehow acquired a donut on her tail over the course of the chase. They were running in circles until the red pony slipped and crashed into the rack in the center of the room. It was sprawled out, derping the SHIT out of it’s eyes, and mumbling angrily. Scootaloo opened the door to the back room and time seemed to stop. There she was. Rainbow Dash. Stuffed and sewn together on the wall, with one wing missing from the monument. Scoots began to cry violently and uttered things that aren’t even words. She fell to the floor and crawled over to the stuffed pony and grabbed onto its leg. Apple Bloom ran into the room and grabbed Scootaloo by the mane.

“Shut the fuck up Scootaloo! We don’t ‘ave time to cry right now! If’n you had parents they’d be ashamed a you!” She screamed while slapping Scootaloo across the face several times. “We need to get outta here an tell somepony what we saw! Bein’ a chicken ain’t helpin’ nopony!”. By now, Shaggy had gotten up and inched over to the door. He was ready to run, but then Sweetie Belle had an idea. She was surprisingly unaffected by the grisly decor of the room, but she was used to getting all of Rarity’s failed projects so horrid didn’t really phase her anymore. She walked over to Shaggy.

“Hey Shaggy, that evil dude seems to be out. Somebody should shackle him to that torture device so he can’t get us.” she whispered. By now Apple Bloom had dragged Scootaloo’s sobbing ass back over to the group and sat down.

“Well ah’m not touching him, he’s probably some kind a creep!”

“Like, no kidding. Who’s gonna do it?” Shaggy replied.

“Well I’m not!” Sweetie Belle retorted. “That thing is covered in who knows what! That’s icky!”

“You’re totally right dude. But I got an idea!” Shaggy reaches into his pocket and pulled out a chunk of cookie dough. “Like, hey Scoots! If you stop crying and lock that bad dude on that table I’ll give you a cutie snack!”. And like magic the tears dried. Scootaloo was just mad now, and she was up on her feet.

“Got it Shags.” she answered. Willing to do this to the guy who presumably killed Rainbow Dash, and for a chunk of that cookie dough, Scootaloo walked up to the red pony on the rack. She locked each leg into the bindings before the monster came to, growling angrily and thrashing to get out. “That’ll teach you ya murderous creep.” Then something dawned on her. “Wait, I just saw Rainbow Dash this morning before I came to the tree house... How is she already dead and stuffed? That would take at least a few days!”

“Remember that weird time portal thing that brought Shaggy here?” Sweetie Belle asked. “My guess is that it kind of screwed up time, and maybe sent us to an alternate universe or something! I hear about ponies doing that all the time!”

“No ya don’t Sweetie, that’s ridiculous.” Apple Bloom scolded. Sweetie Belle hung her head in shame.

“Now why don’t we like, find out who this scary dude is.” Shaggy suggest. They all agreed and approached the helpless fiend on the table. Shaggy grabbed at his head and pulled. It gave some resistance, but sure enough the head popped off, seemingly made of bits of hide sewn together on closer inspection. Underneath was Pinkie Pie, giving her best scowl. “Like holy shit Scoots it’s Pinkie!”

“And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling fillies!” Pinkie growled. Then her face twisted right back into that happy smile everybody knew and loved. “Haha, I’ve always wanted to say that!”

“So those cupcakes were made of...” Scootaloo began.

“Yep! Real bits of Rainbow! And just a ‘Dash’ of salt.” She snorted. They all laughed without realizing how incredibly fucked up that really was. Apple Bloom threw up in her mouth again, because she actually got it. “Wow, you guys are really fucked up!” Pinkie joked.

An hour later, the royal guard showed up, and Celestia too. Pinkie had been restrained and brought to the town square, ousted for her deranged crimes. Twilight Sparkle saw the spectacle and summoned for Celestia to come and see, because she would surely know what to do. “Thank you all for being so courageous today.” she praised the Crusaders and Shaggy. “It saddens me to see Pinkie Pie like this, I never thought I’d see the day that one of our very own wielders of the elements of harmony would become a serial killer and cannibal.” She turned to face Pinkie. “Pinkamena Diane Pie! For the crimes of murder and feeding ponies to other ponies...” most of the crowd threw up hearing this, being the first time they heard that little detail. “I sentence you to life in pony prison. You’re good friends with Twilight, but now you’ll get well acquainted with her brother.” Pinkie began laughing playfully and snorting a little.

“Oh boy, I hear he’s a nice guy! Does he like to party?” She asked. Nobody else thought it was very funny. Except for Berry Punch who was drunk off her ass. She found it hysterical. The royal guards flew off towards Canterlot, carrying Celestia and Pinkie in a chariot behind them.

“Like wow guys, I totally just met you and we already solved a groovy mystery together!” Shaggy exclaimed with a smile. Rarity and Applejack came over to greet the new hero of Ponyville, as Twilight cried in a corner because Celestia only stayed for a few minutes. Fluttershy was also crying in the corner because of the actual tragedy of Rainbow Dash being completely dead and shit. I mean really, did anypony else care?

“Well shucks, I was a mite bit curious about who this strange lookin’ fella was when I saw you girls this mornin’, but I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if you ain’t the nicest man I ever did meet.” Applejack cheerily complimented. Big Mac joined the tear pile.

“See Apple Bloom! You could be a monkey! I’m jealous!” Sweetie Belle laughed excitedly. Apple Bloom shot her a glare that could only say ‘I will murder you in your sleep’.

“Yes, I must say I’m embarrassed about the way I treated you earlier. Shaggy was it? Maybe I’ll start a new line of clothes to commemorate you! Green is in this year anyhow.” Rarity added. Shaggy had become quite welcome in Ponyville, but it couldn’t last that long. After all, he had to find a way to get back home. His other friends back in his world were stuck in a dark castle and probably eaten by monster leeches that were actually old men with nothing to do but fish and haunt abandoned castles.

After the festivities had ended, though they weren’t amazing since they were celebrating the exile of their party planner, Shaggy and the girls head to the van, still in the woods. Twilight and her remaining friends followed as well to see him off, as it was the least they could do. “I have to hand it to you girls, you sure know how to make some good friends!” Twilight praised. “We’re all impressed that you were able to catch Pinkie Pie! How did you know to go down into her basement? I mean I figured it was just full of streamers and balloons. That must have been a colorful crime scene!” she joked.

Apple Bloom gave her a blank stare. She’d seen too much. It was like life had hit her with a ton of bricks and she couldn’t even enjoy being young anymore. “Y’all shut the fuck up.”

Everybody ignored the irate filly, especially Applejack.

“Like, this has been totally far out dudes but I need to find a way back to my friends.” Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo lost their smiles and became sad, not wanting their new friend to go, but Apple Bloom just sat expressionless. “Maybe I’ll bring some of my friends back here sometime if I can remember how I got here.”

After a bit of silence, Scootaloo piped up. “I want to go with you.” she said. “I like solving mysteries! Even if I didn’t get my cutie mark, I like making the world a better place. Also Rainbow Dash was the only family I really had and now she’s gone so I don’t have much left here.”

“Well then I’m going too!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed. Rarity looked shocked. “I want to go and catch more bad guys! And if Scootaloo is going I want to go too!”

“But Sweetie Belle, how will I explain to mom and dad that you disappeared in a van with a large strange looking man? They’ll be furious!” Rarity explained.

“Sorry sis, but I’ve made up my mind!” Sweetie Belle retorted as she walked to stand next to Shaggy. She also pulled Apple Bloom over to little resistance.

“Hey sis, you ain’t goin too are ya?” Applejack asked. “We need you around the farm!” Apple Bloom didn’t answer because she was kind of just fed up with this shit and might as well go with her friends.

There were a few goodbyes as Shaggy and the Crusaders stepped into the van and closed the door. The four outside waved and walked away, a tear in Rarity’s eye. The four inside, however, looked at the dashboard of the van and tried to figure out how to actually make the thing work. They fiddled with buttons and flip switches. Eventually Shaggy gave up and sat in the empty back part of the van.

“Like, who am I kidding. I’ve never driven this thing and I don’t have a single clue how to start it.”

The girls were starting to lose hope as well, until Scootaloo rested her hoof on something. Sure enough it moved, and switched down to a new position. The air around them became thinner and thinner as they felt as if the van was floating. Lights beamed in through the windows and colors morphed and mixed until everything looked like a slurry of neutral tones. Any onlookers outside would see something similar to what the Crusaders saw that morning. It was a ball of light and time and space seemed to tear apart around it. The Mystery Machine was absorbed into the vortex and no trace of it was left.

DISCLAIMERx2: This was a story idea that my brothers and I had mulled about a bit. I have ideas about other chapters involving other gore/crime fics (such as Cheerilee's Garden and Shed.mov), but I may or may not wright them. If people like this and would like to read more, then you can count on more. If not, then there are more exciting adventures to bring forth! Come Pipsley, away!

DISCLAIMER: If it does in fact pick up and people like it, I'm also open to suggestions on crimes to solve. There are only so many, so your imagination is my inspiration!