Special Brownies

by Jumpitydude

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Smolder, Random, Profanity, Sandbar, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Gallus, Narcotics, Silverstream
Length: 3036

Gallus and Smolder get some really good brownies. Like, REALLY good.

Sandbar and friends discuss things that are legal and illegal when Sandbar mentions using recreational drugs. Gallus and Smolder decided they wanted to try some for themselves, but they couldn't find any after raiding Sandbar's room. So they settle for the next best thing; Brownies!

And oh man. They are good brownies.

Published 2018-10-02 11:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-10-03 02:50:24 UTC

Guys, really?

"So if you want to kill someone, just get them to visit Griffonstone."

Sandbar coughed. "Well, Celestia actually implemented a law recently that makes it so that any case that involves tourists should be handled by the appropriate authority."

Gallus raised an eyebrow. "Which means what, exactly?"

Ocellus didn't even look up. "It means that the Royal Guard has the authority to force themselves into Griffonstone if a murder between Equestrians occurs there."

"Oh. Nevermind then."

Silver let out a sigh of relief. "At least the lack of Law enforcement there doesn't mean that everyone has access to a free crime zone."

Smolder lightly jabbed Gallus with her elbow. "But you can still blaze up there, right?"

That got Ocellus to look up. "Blaze up?"

Silver tapped her bottom lip. "I think it's slang for using drugs."

Gallus sighed. "That depends on if you can get the drugs there in the first place. And keep them while you're there. Plenty of Griffons will snatch any kind of drug from right under your nose if you give them a blink."

"Yakyakistan no allow drugs at all!"

"I don't think Auntie made any laws about drugs, but I wouldn't chance it."

"You can technically use drugs in Equestria."

Sandbar's friends all looked right at him. "What was that?"

Sandbar's ears folded back. "Hehe. There are regulations on drug use though. You're not allowed to use specific drugs, but there are some that you can use."

Smolder frowned. "Well, that puts a damper on things."

"There are four categories of drugs: Allowed, limited use, prescription use, and illegal. Though I think some of the prescription use drugs are just because they need to be refined properly, like Poison Joke."

Gallus leaned on the table. "And what's your favorite drug to use?"

"Agrabella. It should be limited use, but you can't move if you use more than the limit anyway. Even under the limit, it feels very good to use. I've actually got some in my-" Sandbar's eyes went wide as he slapped his hoof over his mouth.

Smolder put on a shit-eating grin. "Oh, really? Care to finish that sentence?"

Ocellus was noticeably more concerned. "D-do our teachers know you have drugs here?"

"Headmare Twilight doesn't mind as long as it doesn't interfere with studies, and Professor Pinkie is my dealer."

Silver gasped. "Professor Pinkie gave you- Actually, that's not too surprising, all things considered."

"Look, if you want some, go to her. I don't want you using my stach, for reasons I don't feel comfortable telling you. If you really want mine, you can wait until tomorrow." With that, Sandbar got up and left.

Smolder and Gallus shared a smirk.

Smolder held the tiny bag that she got from Pinkie in front of Gallus' eyes. "This is what we're looking for."

"And what if Sandbar walks in on us?"

"He won't. He's too busy helping Professor Fluttershy out. He won't be back until sunset."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Gallus opened the door. "Professor Pinkie may have only had that one baggie, but Sandbar's got to be loaded!"

They both darted in and closed the door. A quick look around, and they found Sandbar's room was rather well kept. The only "messes" were in a laundry hamper and a small pile of notes on his desk.

"Is he a part-time janitor or something? This place looks almost too clean!"

"Perfect! That should make the drugs easier to find!"

Gallus started looking through the desk drawers. Just like the rest of the room, it was neat and organized. He only had to look to see everything that was in there.

"Woah!" Smolder had just opened the closet. "That's a lot of brownies!"

Gallus took a look. Sure enough, there were about twenty half-gallon looking containers that were all filled to the top with brownies. "Well, at least we can get something from this raid."

"We take one each?"

"Depends on if we find those drugs."

Gallus and Smolder went right back to searching for the drugs but, in spite of how well kept the room was, couldn't find any trace of the drugs.

"Come on! How many places can you hide drugs?" Smolder kicked the desk, then clutched her foot in pain. "Ow!"

"Well, let's take some brownies and bounce." Gallus grabbed five of the containers out of the closet. "I take five, you take five. Sandbar's never been good at math."

"I don't think he's that bad, but most of these will be gone by sunset tomorrow. Assuming Ocellus doesn't raid my room again."

"Thank you for your help, Sandbar."

"No problem, professor! I used to be a part-time janitor before attending school here, so I knew what to do." Sandbar and Fluttershy waved at each other before Sandbar left to get back to his room.

"Hey, Sandbar!"

Sandbar screamed and fell on his butt. "Next time you say hi, don't say it from my nose!"

"Sorry. I got a bit excited." Silver started walking alongside Sandbar to the dorms. "I was wondering if you'd let me try some... what was it called again?"

Sandbar sighed. "Agrabella. And nothing in my stash is in its normal state."

"What did you do? Mix them into protein shakes?"

"Why would I put them in protein shakes?... Though now that I think about it, you'd probably prefer them in their current state. I know I do."

Silver pushed the door to the dorms open. "What did you do with them anyway?"

"Well, I-"

"Your door's open!"

Sandbar's eyes went wide as he moved around Silver. Sure enough, the door to his room was wide open. Sandbar ran over and looked inside. It was subtle but definite.

Someone was searching through his room.

The drawers were mostly closed, but open enough to notice. Someone emptied out his laundry hamper without putting anything back in. They put the things on the selves back on the shelves, but not in the same place. Then Sandbar's eyes locked onto his closet door.

"Oh, no."

Sandbar rushed over with Silver right behind him. Sure enough, half of his brownies were missing.

"Oh, shit!"

"Someone stole your brownies? Who would-"

Sandbar wrapped his hoof around Silver's beak. "No! Those aren't just brownies! We have to find them before-"

Both of them fell silent, then looked at Gallus' room across the hall.

"Why is he laughing?"

"I think I know." Sandbar ran to Gallus' door and opened it.

Gallus was splayed out on his bed, laughing like a madman. In spite of his laughter and lack of restraints, he was completely motionless. On the ground were five containers. Three of them were full of brownies, the other two were completely empty.

"OH FUCK!" Sandbar picked up one of the empty containers in a panic.

"He stole your brownies? I guess he was hungry."

"No! No! You don't get it! The brownies are what I had my Agrabella in! One brownie is one dose! Four is the amount you can have before the paralysis hits you!" Sandbar picked up one of the full containers. "He had two whole containers!"

Silver looked at the container in confusion, then started counting the brownies in the container. Once she was halfway through, the corners of her mouth dropped and her eyes went wide. "That's a lot of drugs."

"I have never had that much before! I don't know anyone that has had that much before! I haven't even heard of anyone having that much before!"

Silver looked at Gallus, who looked like a madman. "How long until he comes down?"

"He might die before that happens!"

"Excuse me?"

"The drug might kill him, then word would reach Griffonstone, who then wage war on us, which forces us to go into hiding, then we come out years later to find all civilization wiped out and most of the survivors being slavers that sell us into slavery to be shoe cleaners!"

"... Well, I was with you for most of that. Is there some way to bring him down?"

"I don't know! I DON'T WANT TO BE A SHOE CLEANER!"

"We have bigger concerns right now! Like the fact that I'm Silver, and I'm being the reasonable one in this situation!" Silver grabbed Gallus by the shoulders. "What is happening to you?"

"Thehehehey're tickling mehehehehe!"

"Who?"

"I dohohohohon't knohohohohohohohow! Thehehehey were kittens ahahahat first, then thehehehehey were Griffons, nohohohohow they're Hihihihihippogrihihihihiffs! I thihihihihink they're Chahahahangelihihihihihings!"

Silver quickly draped a blanket over him. Gallus kept laughing.

Sandbar shot Silver a baffled look. "How was that supposed to help?"

"Well, I thought, "if he thinks they can't get to his body, then he'll stop laughing!" So I put the blanket over him so-"

"It's not the laughter we're worried about!" Sandbar pulled the blanket off since it clearly did nothing. "Uh, um... Maybe pain will do something!" *Chomp!*

"Ow! One of thehehehem bit my tohohohohohoe!"

"Well, that didn't help."

*Splash!* "Warblarbargh!" *Cough cough!* "Hahahahaha!"

"WHAT WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO ACCOMPLISH?"

Silver clutched the bottle in her claws. "Well, uh, I, um-"

"BEING PURSUED BY THE STORM KING AND BEING HIGH ARE VERY DIFFERENT THINGS! YOU CAN'T SOLVE THEM IN THE SAME WAY!"

Silver started crying. "Don't know what to dohoho!"

Sandbar let out a huff. "Get. Smolder. She might be able to help."

"Do you really think-"

"NO, I DON'T, BUT WE NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET WITH THIS!"

Silver shot out of the room. Sandbar wasted no time grabbing the three containers of brownies and both empty containers and rushing them back to his room. Once he got them back with the rest, he realized something.

Five of the containers are still missing.

"SANDBAAAAAAAR!"

"No." Sandbar ran back into the hall and went to the door to Smolder's room.

Smolder was sitting on the ground with a far-off look in her eyes.

"NO NO NO! DON'T TELL ME SHE'S HIGH TOO!"

Silver looked like she was having war flashbacks. "She's high."

"NOOOOOOO! WHYYYYYYYY!"

"It's cooooooooool." Smolder even sounded high. "I liiiiiiike thiiiiiiiis iiiiiiiiceeeeee creeeeeeeeaaaaaaaam baaaaaaaaath." She then licked the air in front of her hand.

Silver pointed at the pair of empty containers on the floor. "She's just as high as Gallus."

Sandbar screamed in frustration, then got in Smolder's face. "STOP BEING HIGH!"

"Chiiiiiiiiiiill, brooooooooooooooo. Iiiiiiiiit's aaaaaaaaaall gooooooooooood."

"We need to get a teacher."

"We can't let them know! Who knows how they'll react?"

"Hey, Smolder, do you know what happened to-"

The two student's that weren't high looked at the door. Twilight Sparkle was standing there with wide eyes pointed right at Smolder.

"Sandbar? Did you let them have your drugs?"

Sandbar quickly realized that there was no hiding what happened. "No! I cooked my Agrabella into some brownies, and the two of them stole them while I was helping Professor Fluttershy! I don't think they knew that when they ate them and they might die from overdose!"

Twilight lifted up one of the containers to look it over. "How many doses are in each brownie?"

"One brownie is one dose! Please don't be mad at me!"

Twilight stared at Sandbar, then burst out laughing. "Why would I be mad at you? You're not the thief here, Sandbar."

"Huh?"

"Agrabella is near impossible to overdose on. You're more likely to die of a stomach rupture before you die from an overdose on the stuff. And since they stole the brownies from you, I'm not going to hold anything against you. Although..."

Gallus groaned as he woke up. It felt like someone took a jackhammer to his head. And his lungs. He wanted to rub his head with his claw... but he couldn't move his claw at all! Or any part of his body!

"What the heck?"

"Could you keep it down? I'm trying to... to... What the heck?"

Gallus was able to turn his head enough to see Smolder in the same situation he was in. Unrestrained, but immobile. "What's going on?"

"You're thieves. That's what's going on."

They both looked at the very unamused Sandbar, who was seated near the foot of their beds.

"H-hey, Sandy. So, uh..."

"It was his idea!"

"What? No, it wasn't!"

"You said we should take them if we didn't find the drugs, and we didn't find the drugs!"

"You were on board with it!"

"That doesn't mean it was my fault!"

"STOP!" Sandbar was in no mood to deal with this. "You both are responsible for taking my property. I don't know if you realized this yet, but the brownies were what had the drugs in them. Professor Twilight did the math, and you two won't be able to move for a good three days. For stealing my things, you two will be marked absent during that time, and it will affect your grades."

"Wait, does that mean our grades are gonna be in the dump for the rest of the semester?"

"Not if you do plenty of extra credit. And the fact my Agrabella was in my brownies is why I didn't want you eating any while I wasn't there. One brownie, one dose. You two overdosed hard. Be thankful that Agrabella is apparently near impossible to die from. Otherwise..." Sandbar suddenly went deep in thought. "... Wow. That was a weird train of thought I had earlier."

"So, uh... Sorry?"

"Eh, you two are getting some pretty harsh punishment, so I forgive you. See you two in a few days!" Sandbar got up and left the room. Once he was out of the room, Silver was right there.

"So, can I have some?"

"In moderation." Sandbar started back to the dorms. "I can't believe they did that."

"Did what?"

Sandbar and Silver turned around. "Hey, Ocellus."

"Smolder and Gallus snuck into my room and took enough of my drugs to overdose. They're gonna be stuck in bed for a few days."

Ocellus tilted her head. "How did they overdose? Don't they know moderation?"

Silver opened her mouth to speak, only to stop when she noticed something. "Were you eating... brownies?"

Ocellus blushed and wiped her mouth. "S-sorry. Don't tell Smolder, but I took some of her brownies. I already ate half of the container."

Sandbar and Silver looked at each other, mouths agape, then back to Ocellus.

Ocellus opened her mouth to speak, only for her eyes to go wide and drift downward. "Uh, please tell me I'm hallucinating. Were those your brownies?... I can't move."

Author's Note

Dumb little thing I decided to do after seeing this comic on Derpibooru.

https://www.derpibooru.org/1840705

Epilogue: Yona! No!

Sandbar just laid his head on the table. "Gallus, Smolder, and Ocellus..."

Silver patted him on the head. "Well, at least they're all getting punished for it."

"I guess. Let's be thankful Yona wasn't involved."

"That wouldn't have been too bad, actually. She wouldn't be able to move after smashing a few things thinking they were spiders."

*CRASH!* "YAK CAN NOT BE RESTRAINED!"

As if fate felt obliged to throw Silver's words back in her face, Yona smashed through a wall while screaming.

"YONA!" A lasso flew through the hole and wrapped around Yona's stomach. "GET BACK HERE NOW!"

"YAK IS NOT RESTRAINABLE! YAK WILL DESTROY ALL CHAINS!" Yona suddenly ran forward, dragging Applejack through the hole.

It was too much for Sandbar to handle. "YONA! NO!"

Yona leaped up on a table. "YONA YES! YAK IS UNRESTRAINED! YAK IS... is..." She suddenly flopped off the table and fell asleep.

Applejack shook her head around, then got to her hooves while adjusting her hat. "Dagnabbit, Yona. What the hay?"

Silver prodded her sleeping friend. "Why was she acting like a maniac?"

Applejack was grinding her teeth. "Yona assumed something I owned was a type of drug and downed all of it!"

Silver gasped. "What was it?"

"It-" Applejack's eyes went wide and she suddenly turned away and rubbed the back of her head. "I-it wasn't a drug."

The students shared a look, then spoke in unison. "Was it beer?"

Applejack gulped. "Yeah. It was beer. She smashed up a good three barns I had set up."

Sandbar dug his face into his hoof while Silver raised an eyebrow and scratched her cheek.

Applejack let out a heavy sigh. "This'll take a while to fix."

Sandbar kept a very unamused look on his face. "Well, if you can wait a few days, I happen to know a few students that will want some extra credit soon."

Applejack tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

Sandbar went on to explain what happened the day before.

Applejack looked Sandbar in the eye. "Sandbar, your friends are all crazy."

Silver smiled proudly. "Yes, we are!"

"And how often do you and your friends fight living weapons of mass destruction?"

"Good point, but it doesn't disprove what I'm saying. If anything, it means I have a good reference point."

"... Fair."

Gallus wiped off his brow. "So why are we doing this again?"

Ocellus dropped to the ground and sat down. "We all stole something."

Smolder looked at the nearby Yak. "What did Yona steal?"

Ocellus glanced over at the cause of the hole they were patching. "Beer. She apparently thought it counted as a drug."

"You're doing well, girls!" Silver approached with a bag slung over her back. "You too, Gallus!"

Gallus glared at Silver. "Why aren't you helping out?"

"Because I got my drugs legitimately! Anyway, I just finished talking with the Headmare. Ocellus can be done after this, but the rest of you will need to help with rebuilding the barns Yona smashed up to get the rest of your credit."

"What?" Smolder's voice cracked. "Why?"

"Because she was only out for one day, and Yona needs to make up for underage drinking."

"Beer not drugs?"

"Anyway, I decided to make you guys something to make this all a bit easier for you!" Silver opened her bag and held out its contents. "Brownies!"

Yona smiled. The others just stared.

Of all things, that made Silver's expression go flat. "These don't have drugs in them!"

Author's Note

Blame zsewqthewolf. His comment sparked this extra bit of silliness.