Author's Note

Warning: GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF DEATH BY CHILD BIRTH IN THIS CHAPTER!

Mourning

Thistle was awoken by hooves pounding on her door an hour after midnight. Once she’d recognized Onyx she’d scrambled for her supplies. She’d told Light to fetch Cam for her and then galloped to the unicorn’s home.

“I’m here, Sapphire. I’m here.” She gasped, rounding to the mare’s side. “Come now, let me see. Emerald, could you build up that fire for me? Thank you.”

“The pains come…” Sapphire bit her hoof, shaking from the contraction. “Often.” She finished with a moan.

“These herbs help with the pain.” She hoofed them over then rounded behind Sapphire and lifted her tail. She was already starting to open up for the foal, but there was a lot of progress left to be made before it was time to push. “How long ago did the pains start?”

“An hour?” She answered uncertainly.

“An hour and some few minutes, Healer.” Onyx shifted back and forth. “How…How does it look?”

“Has her water broken yet?” She checked. The mat beneath their hooves felt dry.

“No, Healer.” Emerald was the one to speak up, now having built the fire up enough to give them adequate lighting.

“Best settle in then, foals don’t come quickly.” She advised them. She set her baskets down in reach and gently rubbed Sapphire’s belly.

“How long do you think, Healer?” Sapphire asked after swallowing the herbs.

“Several hours, perhaps around dawn. Things might speed up after your water breaks.” Thistle hedged her bets. “Cam should be here soon.”

“Is it…supposed to be so painful?” Sapphire asked quietly.

“Some mares feel it more than others.” She sighed. “Don’t try pushing until I say so, the opening isn’t wide enough yet.”

“Thistle? Thistle, I’m here!” Cam’s voice called from outside.

With the addition of Cam the hut suddenly felt too small. Onyx couldn’t hold still, Sapphire was in pain, and Emerald looked pale in the firelight. Cam at least was using every ounce of self control to appear calm, though her narrowed eyes gave away her nerves.

“Onyx, I think we’ll need more firewood soon.” Thistle offered the nervous stallion an easy out. Numbly, Onyx rose to his hooves and went outside. A moment later they heard the chop of an axe.

“Sapphire, do you want some water? A little food?” Thistle tried to tempt her.

“Water, please?” Sapphire seized with another contraction.

That wasn’t a lot of time between contractions. But the water hadn’t broken yet?

Time passed. She got Sapphire to drink as often as possible. A few times she had her stand and walk in circles around the hut. Little by little the vagina opened up and after two and a half hours the water finally broke, nearly putting out the fire.

There was blood in the water.

Thistle could smell it immediately. Blood in womb water was never a good sign. Was it Sapphire’s or the foal’s?

“Cam, run to my hut and get the bowl of webbing. I’ll also need soft-shoot leaves.” She instructed.

“Okay, I’ll be back soon!” Cam promised.

“Sapphire, can you stand again? The gravity will help push the foal out and I think you’re almost ready to push.” A lie, a partial one anyway. She would’ve liked to wait longer but if one or both of their lives were in danger then she’d have to rush things along.

She had to stay calm. Onyx poked his head in every few minutes and all three unicorns were taking their cues from her. So long as she stayed calm, hopefully they would too.

“My legs feel weak.” Sapphire groaned and swayed.

“Emerald, stand beside her please. Sapphire, lean against the wall here. You’re doing very well.” Thistle lifted her tail again. The vagina was open a little wider but the smell of blood was stronger. Thistle furrowed her brows and forced herself to take a good, strong sniff.

Eck. Okay, not womb blood after all. Tearing. At such an early stage too? The only times a mare had torn under her hooves was during the pushing!

“Ooh! It hurts! It hurts, it hurts!” Sapphire cried, trembling under another contraction. Emerald had to focus entirely on supporting her.

The scent of blood was getting stronger.

Thistle grabbed a gourd from her baskets and began rubbing the goo into Sapphire’s folds. The mixture was meant to numb and relax the flesh, hopefully it would prevent further tearing.

“Thistle, I’m back!” Cam was panting hard. It was clear she’d run the whole way there and back.

“Good, Cam.” She quickly squashed the part of her that wanted to tell Cam to come over and smell the blood, rub the medicine in. Now wasn’t the time for teaching.

“Can I….Can I push, Healer?” Sapphire shivered.

“Just wait a bit longer, Sapphire. You’ll be holding your foal soon enough.” Thistle promised her.

Mother Earth, please, let her keep that promise.

“Cam, ready the webbing. Sapphire, on your next contraction, push.” Thistle prepared herself. The scents mingling in the air were nauseating but she beat it back fiercely.

“HNNNGG!” Blood began to trickle down Sapphire’s thighs.

“Ease up,” Thistle withheld a wince. “Ease up, Sapphire. There you go.”

“There’s blood.” Emerald gulped.

“There’s always some blood with foaling.” Thistle forced herself to say. “It’s not dangerous yet.”

“Is th—…Is the foal…okay?” Sapphire’s sides heaved for air.

“So far it doesn’t look like the foal’s in danger.” Because Sapphire was the one bleeding, she didn’t say.

“I feel…another!” Sapphire hissed.

“Good, remember to breathe.” Thistle waved Cam and the webbing closer.

She pressed the sticky webbing to the tearing.

Thistle kept giving encouragements. Trying to keep everypony calm. It helped keep her calm too even as it looked more and more likely that she’d be losing somepony tonight.

Guiltily, she wished it would be the foal. Losing a foal was hard, yes, but a foal was only a potential pony. The dam was a pony with hopes and dreams and loves and fears, a history of friends and family.

Losing the dam felt worse.

Sapphire grew weaker. Thistle did her best to fortify her with herbs and mixtures but little by little her life was bleeding away. The relaxing goop and the webbing only helped so much.

But she could feel the foal moving into place.

“Almost there, Sapphire. A few more strong pushes and your foal will be here.” Thistle kept her voice from shaking.

“I see a hoof, Sapphire. Keep going.” She took the hoof and gently tugged in time with the next push.

“Oooh! I feel it!” Sapphire sobbed, gasping for breath. “It huuuurrtts!”

“C’mon, Sapphire,” Emerald shuddered. “Just, hang in there!”

“There’s the other hoof and, yes, I see a horn!” A little nub covered in a white film. Maybe that film kept the foal from goring the dam in the womb? “Just a little more, Sapphire. We’re almost through!”

Thistle bit back a swear as a fresh wave of blood appeared. She directed Cam to catch the foal while she tried to stem the bleeding. Bit by bit the foal slipped out. She used up all the webbing, feeling it go wet with blood.

Blood on Sapphire’s legs, Thistle’s hooves, blood in every breath.

No, don’t think about that. Bite it down.

She could not be sick right now.

“Waaah!” A thin, reedy cry. Thistle watched Cam gently catch the foal, laying it in a bed of fresh grass in a basket just for it.

“A filly!” Cam announced.

“A filly.” Sapphire repeated. “I’m a…mother now.”

“There’s still the afterbirth, Sapphire.” Thistle tensed. “Emerald, don’t let her collapse just yet.”

“I heard crying. Is the foal…?” Onyx poked his head in again.

“A filly,” Sapphire repeated weakly.

“Yes, a filly, Sapphire. I think she has your coloring.” Thistle ground fresh herbs into her vagina, trying to get the wounds to close. “One last push, Sapphire. Give me just one more.”

One more was all she had. The afterbirth slipped away easily but Sapphire had lost too much blood already.

“Lay her down on a clean mat, carefully.” Thistle helped move her. The foal kept crying.

“My filly,” Sapphire whimpered.

“Do you want to hold her?” Thistle blinked back tears.

“Yes.” Sapphire’s smile wobbled as the foal was placed in her front hooves.

Thistle tried everything she could think of. She turned Emerald and Onyx to cleaning but even as the bleeding finally slowed to a halt as sunlight filtered in, Thistle knew it was a lost cause.

There was just too much blood. Sapphire wasn’t recovering. Gently, she laid the foal at Sapphire’s teat and let her nurse.

“Oh, Sapphire, she’s perfect.” Onyx’s eyes were watering. “She looks just like you!”

“Yes,” Sapphire didn’t lift her head. Stricken, Onyx laid down and adjusted her until her head laid in his forehooves.

“Healer, is she alright?” He looked at her.

“She lost a lot of blood.” Her heart and stomach roiled within her. “I’m sorry, there’s…nothing else I can do. Either she recovers or…” Or she doesn’t.

“Thistle?” Cam’s eyes spilled over. Thistle wasn’t sure when Cam had realized things were more serious than Thistle was saying.

“Nothing you can do?” Onyx nearly raised his voice but Sapphire’s weight on his forelegs stopped him. “How can there be nothing? You’re the Healer!”

“I can’t make more blood for her. I’d give her mine if I could.” She closed her eyes tight, then opened them again. The bleeding had finally stopped completely and the foal was still nursing. With a pang in her heart, she turned to Camellia. “Sometimes you do everything you can and you still can’t save everypony.”

All the fight left the room. Emerald busied herself cleaning and re-cleaning the same spot. Going in and out to get more water. Sapphire slept and woke, gaining a fever before mid-morning. Thistle sent Cam for more medicines, then sent her home. She didn’t have to stay for this part just yet.

“Am I dying, Healer?” Sapphire croaked. She couldn’t keep down any water.

“I’m sorry, Sapphire.” The sickness in her stomach wasn’t physical this time. How could Mother Earth take Sapphire now? She’d been so excited to meet her foal, to hold her for the first time, raise her!

“I’m dying,” Sapphire accepted with a sigh. “My filly?”

“Strong and healthy, it seems.” Thistle picked the filly, now cleaned up, and set her where Sapphire could see without having to lift her head.

“She’s beautiful, Sapphire.” Onyx nuzzled her mane. “What…What do we name her?”

“Diamond, my most precious little gem. Name her Blue Diamond for me, please?” She asked sweetly.

“Blue Diamond. It’s perfect.” His voice cracked.

“My filly,” Sapphire Cut closed her eyes.

She would never wake again.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Rose Bud wished that Sapphire had lived long enough to gain a magic mark. Erecting a plain gravestone felt sadder somehow. In time, it would be impossible to tell who was buried here.

Mountain had come and offered to wet nurse the filly. Onyx had passed the foal over without blinking. Emerald Daze hadn’t even looked up.

Yesterday she’d had an enjoyable conversation with Onyx. Today, she buried one of his mares.

The Mother Earth had a strange sense of humor. Hopefully someday she’d explain it.

Healer Burr always lingered when they laid a pony to rest, but sooner or later she would leave the family to grieve in privacy. Rose watched her leave now, head hung low and ears tucked back. She suspected she’d be seeing a lot of the healer for the next few days.

Mountain pulled Emerald gently aside and asked her how she wanted to handle Blue Diamond’s needs. Rose kept half an ear on that but there was no argument, no rising tempers. Emerald Daze offered nothing to the conversation and Mountain didn’t have the heart to fight a mare facing such loss. So she took Blue Diamond and said they could come see her whenever they chose.

Emerald didn’t stay long after that. Rose wasn’t sure if she was the type to visit graves. She didn’t think so.

Finally, when it was just her and Onyx, she stepped forward and laid some flowers on the graves. Violets.

“Why flowers?” He asked after some time had passed.

“Remembrance.” She answered simply.

Some ponies cried. Some raged. Some, like Onyx, resided in numb shadow. He had that in common with Healer Burr.

“I loved her.” He grieved.

“You love her still.” She corrected gently.

She watched the words touch him. His ears, already drooping, tucked back completely. His whole body twitched like she’d physically struck him. His face crumpled up in an effort to prevent tears.

Not entirely like Healer Burr then.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Mom brought the filly home. Her name was Blue Diamond. Mom’s milk was drying up now that Brook was weaned, but there’d be other mares willing to nurse an extra foal.

Cam fled outside, running past the garden and past the barrier of trees that led to the orchard. Apples, filled to bursting and soon ripe for harvest, dangled overhead. Cam didn’t pay attention to any of it. She just ran.

Ran and ran and ran. Until her hoof snagged on a root and sent her tumbling end over end.

Cam came up sobbing. Less from pain and more from…Sapphire had died. Thistle had sent her away but that didn’t keep her from knowing it. Sapphire was dead and her filly was in Cam’s house.

Cam covered her eyes and cried. It felt like all she could do.

“Cam? Camellia, answer me please!” Daddy. He was calling for her.

Cam didn’t answer him. Sapphire was dead. Cam was training to be a healer but even Thistle hadn’t been able to save her!

“Cam! Oh, sweetness.” Daddy found her and laid by her side. “Did you fall? What hurts?”

Cam sobbed harder, shaking her head and refusing to lift her hooves. Sapphire was dead and Cam hadn’t been able to do anything.

“I’m sorry, Cam. I’m so sorry.” He sighed, sweeping her into a warm hug. Cam buried her face in his fur and kept crying.

Every day learning more and more about wounds and illnesses and still, none of that was a guarantee. There were lots of graves in the graveyard. Every pony there was a pony Thistle couldn’t save.

Someday there’d be ponies there that Cam couldn’t save. Sapphire felt like the first.

“It hurts to lose somepony, I know.” He rubbed her back. “Especially when you tried so…hard to save them.”

“…Daddy?” She sniffed, looking up for the first since he’d found her. His fur was damp from his own tears now.

“I lost my sister, she was right beside me and our dam’s final words were begging me to keep her safe.” He revealed. “And I failed. And there was nothing I could do.”

Sometimes, she forgot that she hadn’t always been part of the True Herd. That, once upon a time, there was a Hope Herd and they ran into monster after monster after monster!

Cam had lost her dam. She had an aunt she never spoke to now but no other family she knew of. Not blood family. And there was Holly who’d held back from giving birth for ages until it was safe. Until Thistle and the True Herd made it safe. There was Bright Finish and still Silent Current and Mimic, Melody, and Chime. There was Soft Step and Pine Needle. There was Hope Springs.

Their herd had been much larger once. Everypony had lost somepony. Everypony had failed somepony.

“I tried!” She was dribbling snot now. “I did everything Thistle said, I did my best!”

“I know, Cam. I know.” He rubbed her back. “Sometimes there’s nothing anypony can do.”

“But why? She wanted to be a dam so bad, Daddy! She knew she was dying a-and, she just wanted to hold her!” She cried. “It’s not fair! Why did she have to die?”

“I don’t know why anypony has to die, Cam. I wish I did.” He closed his eyes briefly, sending tears spilling down his cheeks. “It’s just the way nature works. Everything lives, everything dies. We just try to stay alive as long as we can. And when we can’t, then we move on to the Endless Pastures.”

Was Sapphire in the Endless Pastures? Somewhere always warm and safe, filled with good food and water and friends and family? Did Sapphire have friends and family waiting for her in the Endless Pastures?

“I didn’t want her to die.” She whimpered.

Healers couldn’t save everypony. Thistle couldn’t. She could try and try and still fail and when a Healer failed…

When a builder like Pink failed, their hut came apart or their bridge turned into a dam.

When a farmer failed their plants didn’t grow.

When a healer failed…ponies died.