Twilight Sparkle was known for being cool and level headed...about ninety five percent of the time. But, like all ponies, she was also know to have bad days. Very, very bad days.
This was one of those days.
It wasn't that she'd fallen out of bed or accidentally teleported herself into the middle of a Timberwolf pack while in a drowsy state, or run into any coffee tables or doorways, or been forced to deal with an evil enemy of Equestria before she had even had time to eat breakfast. No. This was worse than that. Much, much worse. So much worse, in fact, that she was currently standing in a paralysed state in her dining room, pupils shrunk to pinpricks, mouth clenched tightly shut, a hint of steam coming from one ear.
"How long did ya say she's been standin' like that?" Applejack asked Spike, who had rushed to collect all the Element bearers in a complete panic.
"One full hour." Spike said worriedly. "She hasn't moved an inch the entire time. Its like she's...frozen!"
"Huh." Dash said, circling her lavender friend slowly and carefully. She waved a hoof in front of her eyes. "Hellooo...Equestria to Twilight. Do you read me??"
Nothing. Not even a single eye twitch. It was as if every part of Twilight's brain had shut down, rendering her completely and entirely unresponsive. Dash took a deep breath, lifted her hoof...and smacked Twilight on the back of the head. Rather hard. Her friends gasped and looked on fearfully. To their amazement, nothing happened. Twilight remained in place, and did not even flinch or blink. Dash rubbed her head in bewilderment.
"Huh. I was sure that would work."
"Well, clearly something has caused her to shut down." Rarity said, frowning. "All we have to do is figure out how to get her to snap out of it." There was a flash of yellow, and Princess Celestia appeared, looking worried.
"I'm here, Spike!" Five pairs of eyes went to the baby dragon.
"Ok. I panicked alot and sent a message to her to come and help cause Twilight finally completely snapped." He said. "Then I went to get you guys." Celestia was circling Twilight, frowning.
"I see nothing physically wrong." She said. "Nothing has worked to get her out of this?"
"Not so far, Princess." Applejack replied. "Yellin', makin' noise, Pinkie's loudest party popper...an' even Dash hittin' her on the head didn't work worth a lick." Celestia arched an eyebrow and looked at Dash.
"What??" Dash said. "I was trying to help!!"
"Oh, I hope we can get her out of this soon!" Fluttershy said worriedly. "I don't like seeing her like this!" Celestia smiled.
"I've got an idea." She said. She moved around behind Twilight as her horn started to glow. A blast of magic hit Twilight squarely on her cutie mark with a loud zap.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" Twilight snapped out of her trance with a scream. "Who? What? Why??" She looked around at her friends, and then over at the smirking Celestia.
"Oh thank goodness!!" Rarity said in relief. "You had us worried, Darling! Poor Spikey came after all of us in a complete panic!"
"Yeah." Applejack said. "Just what in tarnation got ya in that state, anyhow??" Twilight's eyes flashed dangerously.
"Bring me the pony who thought of it!" She snarled wrathfully. "I. Will. Decimate. Them!"
"Whoa nelly!" Applejack said, taking several steps back as Twilight started smoking at the ears, her eyes holding a furious hatred and loathing.
"Twilight, Darling, perhaps you could tell us what's wrong." Rarity said, nervously.
"Yeah!" Pinkie piped up. "Did somepony throw whipped cream on you? Ooh, or tie you up with licorice and throw you to a chocolate manticore??? Or maybe send you floating off in your sleep tied to a bunch of balloons????" Twilight glared.
"Ah....Pinkie, I really think now is not the time to be random." Rarity said.
"Twi, you might wanna simmer down before you boil over." Dash said, unhelpfully. Twilight growled.
"I want the pony responsible for such an atrocity, and I want them now!" She yelled.
"Um...um...Twilight...could you...um...I mean...maybe you should...um...take some deep breaths?" Fluttershy said anxiously.
"I DON'T WANT TO!!! I WANT THE PONY WHO THOUGHT UP SUCH A HORROR AND I WILL GET THEM!!!!!" Twilight screamed, as her horn sparked. A blast of magic shot out, narrowly avoiding Dash and obliterating a chair. Celestia quickly moved to put up a shield in front of the bearers as another blast shot off. Leaving it in place, she moved towards Twilight.
"Twilight, calm yourself." She said. "Deep breaths. Like I taught you long ago. Just breathe." Twilight faced her, eyes nearly red with her wrath.
"Do you know the pony responsible??!" She snarled.
"Responsible for what??" Dash demanded from behind the shield. "Twilight, what is the matter??"
"Such atrocities will not be tolerated!!" Twilight screamed, firing another random blast of magic.....and destroying two more chairs. "There is nothing so horrific, so wrong, so hideous, so unethical!!! I will banish them to a dungeon! Blast them to the moon!!! Obliterate them from history!!!!"
"Somehow Ah don't think she's gonna tell us right now." Applejack said. "Ah dunno what the pony did, or who they even are, but Ah hope for their sake Twilight don't find em."
"I don't think I've ever seen her this upset!" Dash said. "And I've seen her explode before! She is mad!"
"Mad???!" Twilight said, eyes narrowing further, having overheard. "No. No, Rainbow Dash, I am not mad. I am livid! Such horrors should not go unpunished!!!!"
"Ok, Twilight, you really need to calm down and tell us what's wrong." Celestia said, really getting worried. Twilight gave a dry laugh. She levitated a paper bag over and dropped it on the floor, where she proceeded to stomp on it and jump on it and blast magic at it, while Celestia stepped back to avoid being collateral damage.
"Ha!!! You will never succeed with your devious plot to overtake Equestria with this atrocity! Never!" She cackled madly, while the others looked on in complete astonishment and Celestia's horn glowed. "I will destroy you!!" She fired a last blast of magic before a blast of magic struck her, and she dropped to the floor, out cold. Celestia let her shield drop and her horn stopped glowing as everypony gathered around the sleeping Twilight and the bag she had all but totally destroyed.
"Whatever this is must be really bad to get her so angry." Fluttershy observed. Rarity lifted a piece of the bag, looked at it, and then blinked, a look of amusement creeping onto her face as she held it up for the others to read. In bold black letters, the paper very clearly read:
DECAFFEINATED COFFEE
***********************************
When Twilight came around a bit later, she found herself looking into her friends' amused faces. Everything came rushing back and she blushed in painful embarassment at her overreacting behaviour. Picking herself up off the floor, the levitated the remnants of the coffee to a nearby dust bin and turned around.
"We will never speak of this again. Ever." Her eyes narrowed. "And if I ever hear the words from that bag come out of any of your mouths, I will exact horrible pain on you. So Not. One. Word."
She left the room, slamming the door, and the entire group burst into laughter.
Author's Note
Quick one shot. Hope you enjoyed it.
Also, in case you couldn't tell from this story...
Decaf is my mortal enemy. Whoever thought of it deserves to perish horribly.
(
)
