Princess Celestia prided herself in being able to react calmly and rationally in and to any situation. She could keep a level head, focus, and do what needed to be done even in the thick of battle, if need be. And she prided herself in the fact that nothing, absolutely nothing, shocked her.
Until now.
Not only had Celestia been shocked, but she had been shocked speechless. She stared at the group of ponies in front of her, her eyes wide, mouth agape, struggling to speak and failing mightily. At long last, she managed to formulate a single question...just barely.
"YOU...DID...WHAAAAAAAT???!!!" She shouted. The ponies in front of her cringed.
"Well, um, you see, it...I...well...we...uh..." poor Twilight cowered as her mentor narrowed her eyes and leveled her with a stare that almost rivaled Fluttershy's Stare. Almost. She gulped. "I...we, we kinda, um...that is, I..." She gave up, knowing she was never going to get anything out at the rate she was going. "I...we're sorry..." Celestia paced a short distance from them, back to them, and took deep, visible breaths to calm her rising anger. The last thing she needed was to react in a violent manner and smash the entire group through several walls. They were the Element bearers, after all...she needed them.
"Would you care to explain how in Equestria you managed to destroy six buildings, obliterate ten cloud houses, put fifteen ponies in the hospital, and, oh yes...SEND MY SISTER TO THE MOON???!!!" The full power of the Canterlot voice came through on that last line. (Her sister's moon still being in the sky was now explained at least). The ponies facing her wrath just barely managed to hold their ground and not run for their lives. Except one. Fluttershy eeped and made for the door, only to be captured in a golden glow and levitated over to dangle before Celestia.
"Fluttershy." The princess, mindful of the pegasus's timid and easily frightened nature, spoke softly but firmly. "I may be very angry, but I'm not going to hurt you. At least, not you, specifically." She glared at the others. "The others I am not so sure of." Fluttershy gulped.
"I...I...we...you...I..." she stammered. She paused to take a breath, then finished hastily. "If...if you punish them, then, you...you are just going to have to...to punish me too!" Her friends gaped, not having expected that. She was, after all, timid...and to volunteer for punishment, not knowing what it was, well, that was gutsy. But Fluttershy wasn't done yet. "And if you're going to keep yelling at them, then...then you better yell at me, too!" She eeped and clamped a hoof over her mouth, unable to believe what she had just said. Celestia had to work hard to keep from smiling.
"Very well." She said, placing the trembling pony gently next to her friends. Dash instantly draped a wing over her, pulling her close to her side in a rare and uncharacteristic display of protective affection. Celestia focused her eyes on Twilight. "Twilight Sparkle. How did you manage to cause so much damage last night?" Twilight gulped audibly.
"Well...you see, Princess, we, um, we..." Twilight was desperately searching for any explaination except for the actual one. Seeing this, Applejack removed her hat and met Celestia's gaze herself.
"To be honest, Princess, we were partyin' up a storm cause Pinkie threw a really good one, an' well, we all had too much hard cider..." she confessed.
"You got drunk??!" Celestia stared. But at Twilight.
"Yes..." her faithful student whispered shamefully. "And I kinda went crazy with my magic..."
"And I kinda went nuts with my new cloud busting tricks I was showing off..." Dash muttered.
"And Ah was apparently showin' off my apple buckin' styles...by buckin' all sorts of stuff. Includin' ponies and buildin's." Applejack confessed.
"And I covered ponies in all kinds of chocolate and candy and cake and whipped cream, and sent them up in the air on balloons!" Pinkie burst out. Her mane deflated some. "Which is how three of those fifteen ponies got hurt. The balloons popped. And they fell." Celestia didn't even want to know why she had felt like covering ponies in chocolate, even if she was drunk.
"And I...am not going to reveal in detail what I did." Rarity said, turning red. "Suffice it to say, I did not destroy anything except a marrige. At least, that's what I was told." Celestia fought back the urge to laugh at Rarity's obvious discomfort. Her gaze went to Fluttershy and her eyebrow arched slightly.
"And you?" She enquired. "What exactly did you do?" Fluttershy wilted under her gaze and pressed closer to Dash's side.
"Leave her alone, Princess!" Dash snapped out angrily. "Yell all you want at us, but leave her alone! I don't care if she did tell you to treat her the same as us! Nopony yells at Fluttershy. Not even you!" Celestia stared hard at the cyan pegasus, both eyebrows raised high.
"R...Rainbow Dash!" Twilight gasped out in shock. "Did...did you just...yell at the Princess?!"
"Darn right I did!" Dash said. "And I'll yell more if she keeps scaring Fluttershy!" At this, her yellow friend slowly sat up from under the protective blue wing and took a deep breath.
"I..its ok, Rainbow Dash." She said, bravely. "I'm ok. I...I'll answer. Um...I think." She gulped. Ceslestia waited, curious as to what she might say.
"I pushed Luna into the path of Twilight's magic." That was it. Celestia blinked.
"It was an accident, Princess!" Twilight exclaimed hastily. "And it wasn't what got Luna sent to the moon! We were having a magic duel, I guess, and, well, somehow I hit her with a banishment spell." Celestia huffed.
"Was my sister as drunk as you girls?" Nopony wanted to answer that at all, let alone truthfully. She looked directly at the one who she knew would answer honestly. "Applejack?" The farmer sighed, bowing her head.
"Eeyup. She was." Celestia groaned.
"Please, can you get her back?" Twilight begged. Another groan from Celestia. She was sorely tempted to leave her little sister on the moon for another thousand years for being a part of such...drunk and disorderly behaviour. But one look into her student's eyes, and she knew she couldn't. Twilight would blame herself for every single second Luna spent on the moon, even if Celestia herself chose to leave her there. She walked to the library window, lit her horn, and concentrated on the shadow on the moon. Minutes later, it vanished, and Luna appeared before them, looking a bit dazed and rather hungover.
"Ow, my head."
"Oh, in a bit of pain, are we?" Celestia said sarcastically. "I suppose its what you get after a night of getting so smashed you challenged my student to a magic duel and got yourself sent to the moon!" Luna winced at the volume of her voice.
"Owwww...sister, please...not so loud!" She pleaded. "And...wait. Your student sent me to the moon??! I thought perhaps I did it myself somehow." Twilight blushed.
"No, Princess Luna. I did it." She confessed.
"Impressive." Luna said, grimacing at the pain in her head. "That is a fairly complex spell."
"Forget the spell!" Celestia snapped. "What I am interested in is the fact that you, all of you, caused such havoc in town last night! I mean, really! If you are going to get drunk, at least make sure you do so where ponies don't get hurt...and where you, Luna, do not end up on the moon!" She huffed. Her sister and the others cringed.
"My apologies, sister." Luna said, rubbing her head. "I should have cast a protection spell on the town or something before we partook of so much cider. Then nopony would have been...wait. PONIES GOT HURT??!"
"Fifteen, to be precise!" Celestia said. Luna blinked.
"Oh dear."
"Oh dear is right!" Celestia said. "I am disappointed in the lot of you. And I have some appropriate consequences in mind." The other shivered. "You are going to apologise to everypony for what you did, clean up the mess you made, and rebuild every single bulding and cloud house you destroyed. And I am strongly advising you to leave alcohol alone for a very long time."
"Is that an order?" Luna asked.
"Its a very strong suggestion." Celestia said sternly. "And it would do you well to take it. Because if anything like this happens again, I'm sending all of you to the moon for a month!" She looked at Luna as her sister groaned. "With the exception of you, Luna. You've spent more than your fair share of time there already. So for you...I will just take away your dessert!" Luna gasped.
"Sister, no! That is just cruel!" She cried.
"No...that is what I call...just desserts!" With that, she shook her head and left the Golden Oaks Library. Luna groaned.
"I believe I had better go with my sister." She said. "Farewell." She too left...rather unsteadily. Twilight slumped to the floor.
"I'm never getting drunk again!" The others couldn't help but agree...mostly.
"It'll be a long time before I do!" Dash stated.
"Ah bet Celestia never got drunk before." Applejack muttered. "Mad as she was, Ah am pretty sure she hasn't."
**********************************
(Late that night)
The tall white unicorn, wearing a dark cloak, plunked her empty mug down on the table in front of her for probably the fifteenth time.
"Another." She rasped at the bartender pony. He turned to her.
"Haven't you had enough?" He asked.
"With the day I had, no. Keep them coming. Today was so stressful I just want to forget it." A new mug was put in front of her. "Thank you." She stared into the dark contents and scowled.
'Ugh. What a day.'
And Celestia drained the contents of the mug before slamming it down and demanding yet another.
Author's Note
I honestly don't know why I wrote this.
I haven't a clue.
I'm even more clueless as to why I posted it.
Feel free to bash the heck out of it if you want.
I don't think its so great myself.
Author's Note
Parts of this chapter I blame on Speedy Silverstreak.
Others I blame on Isseus.
The actual writing of it I obviously blame on myself.
They gave me the ideas for it, though, so its mostly their fault...
Blame them.
(Just kidding...mostly
)
Epilogue: Not Again!
(Canterlot)
Celestia stirred and groaned. Her head was pounding and her stomach was queasy. She lifted her head and found she was sprawled in her bedroom floor. She had no idea how she had gotten there. Not a one. The last thing she remembered was drinking heavily after a long day of having to yell at the Element Bearers and assign consequences for them. She rose slowly.
"Ow, my head."
She managed to open her door and send a guard for coffee, black, and lots of it. Then when it came, she sat down and drank nearly the entire pot. Her brain kickstarted and bits and pieces of the night before flooded in. The more she remembered, the more her eyes widened, and suddenly, she dropped her cup and ran out to the balcony before flying to the other side of Canterlot. She slowed as she went, eyes down below, scanning her surroundings as she retraced last night's path. And the further along she went, the more she saw, the more she began to shudder, until she reached the area near the bar she had been in.
"Oh. Oh no. This is bad."
All along her path was utter chaos. Wrecked carts, nearly demolished buildings, and very angry ponies. Angry ponies talking about...her.
"Oh....no....."
She turned around and shot back to the castle, not daring to look back.
***********************************
(Ponyville, nearly two weeks later)
It was a very quiet group that soberly examined the massive mess they had just caused last night. Again. After being warned by Celestia less than two weeks ago not to do this ever again. And they had. Nopony had been sent to the moon, but that didn't matter.
Luna, Twilight, and even Rarity, with their magic, had caused a great deal of damage to trees and buildings.
Dash in her drunken flight tricks had busted through two cloud homes, knocked three birds nests out of a tree, taken out a flying goose, and somehow managed to crash headfirst into the pond, where she proceeded to splash and frolic...underwater. She was hastily dragged out by a slightly less drunk Applejack before she could drown.
"S'not fair!" She had yelled. "You can't do this! I am a fish! Throw me back!! I need my pond!!" Thankfully for her, Applejack, even in her own drunken state, had enough sense to ignore her angry yell.
Pinkie Pie, through some complete defiance of gravity, had rolled into a ball and tried to bowl her friends down, which was not appreciated at all. She had then proceeded to decorate a passing turtle in frosting. And to top it all off, had driven her flying machine through six cloud houses, two chimneys, and crashed it into a pony carrying a very large cake.
Fluttershy, in quite a humorous display, had somehow managed to fly up to a tree branch, then hang upside down in a bat like manner. The result was that she had fallen off and landed on her back, staring at the sky, where she started moving her legs and declaring she was walking on the sky while carrying the literal weight of the world on her back.
Applejack, after rescuing Dash, had somehow managed to drive her apple cart through six buildings, Sugarcube Corner, and straight into Twilight's library, resulting in all kinds of property damage and not to mention causing numerous books to suffer.
"Well," Twilight said finally. "I said I wasn't gonna drink again and I did. We said we wouldn't cause damage again, and we did. Girls, and Princess Luna, Princess Celestia is gonna kill us."
"Whoa nelly." Applejack said, rubbing her head. "Ah have got a doozy of a headache."
"We all do." Twilight said. "But its nothing compared to what's gonna happen to us after this mess."
"I believe my sister was quiet serious when she suggested we leave alcohol alone for a very long time." Luna said.
"Maybe she won't find out." Dash said hopefully. "We could clean up and make repairs...she'd never know!"
"One problem with that theory, darling." Rarity said. "The entire town knows it was us. Somepony most likely already told Princess Celestia, in which case she is on her way here now."
"Wrong! I am already here!" Celestia's voice rang out loudly as she landed alongside them. They cringed as she took in the damage, her eyes narrowing. Finally, she looked at them and uttered one very short phrase in an icy tone. "Library. Now." And she was gone.
"Ohhhhh Tartarus, this is not gonna end well!" Dash mumbled, as the forlorn group made their way towards the library with Twilight and Luna in the lead. They made an interesting procession, single file with heads hung low, looking for all the world like a bunch of fillies that had just been caught making mischief and were about to get in massive trouble with their parents. Well, they were in massive trouble, alright. But not with any parents. With Celestia. And that was more frightening than any of their parents ever were!
**********************************
Celestia paced back and forth along in front of the ponies lined up in a row in front of her. She was taking deep breaths to steady her temper, which kept rising with almost every step. Spike, who had been quite rudely interrupted in the middle of a comic book by the Sun Princess storming into the libraey, was hiding upsrairs, peeking over the balcony at the scene below.
"After I told you two weeks ago..." Celestia fumed. "I said don't do it again. Leave alcohol alone. Did I not say that?? Perhaps I was wrong. Maybe I just thought about saying it and never actually got it out. Because that would explain the fact you did it again. And if I did say it, then that means you ignored me entirely. So which is it??"
"We...we heard you, Princess." Twilight whispered. Celestia gave her a withering look and she shrank down against the floor, ears pinned back. Fluttershy was not only already pressed against the floor, but she was hiding her head under her wings. The others were afraid to even breathe, let alone move. Celestia glared at Luna.
"And you!" She said in irritation. "I expected better from you, given what happened last time!"
"In our defense, Sister," Luna said. "Not a single pony ended up banished to the moon."
"That's not the point!" Celestia huffed. "It took you a week to repair everything last time, and then the week after that you cause greater destruction than before! That aside, I said not to do it!" Her eyes narrowed. "And if you will recall what I said at the time?" Luna gulped.
"Sister...Sister no." She said. "Why, I need my dessert!! You can't take it away from me!!"
"Its the price you pay, Luna." Celestia said smugly. She looked around. "As for the rest of you...I've decided I am not sending you to the moon. No, I am going to do something quite different." Her horn glowed and seconds later six magical paddles appeared, each one the color of one of the ponies. After a moment, another one joined them...this one dark.
"Uh oh." Luna muttered.
"Oh, no, Princess, not that!" Twilight gasped. The rest understood what was going on, and reacted accordingly. Fluttershy eeped and dove under the table in the middle of the room, which was low enough that she couldn't fit all of herself there, and her rump stuck out perfectly. The rest stood frozen, blinking.
"Alright, now. Ready? Charge!" She leaped forward, paddles flying. In seconds, each paddle was working on one of the ponies' rumps with loud smacks. Yelps and yowls filled the room as six ponies tried to flee and failed. They were forced to simply take what Celestia gave out. And Luna was getting good and paddled too.
"Ow! Sister! Ouch! Ow!" She yelped. Celestia smirked and kept right on paddling them.
'Lets see them get drunk and wreck things after this!!" She thought. Ten minutes later, she ceased her attack and took a deep breath, gaze going from pony to pony. All were sniffling and whimpering...even Dash, who was desperately trying to be tough and failing miserably.
"Owwwww...." the pegasus groaned. Celestia smirked.
"Alright then." She said. "I have the idea you won't be doing this ever again. Its entirely wrong to get drunk and wreak havoc. Got that?"
"Yes, Princess!" Six voices replied in harmony. Luna merely nodded.
"Good." She said, sighing. At that moment, somepony knocked, and Twilight hurried to admit one of Luna's Night Guards. Luna came to the door too, and he whispered to her for a few minutes. Her eyebrows raised and she shot an astonished look at her sister.
"Thank you." She told the guard, who exited. Twilight closed the door.
"Well, now." Luna said, smirking. "It would appear that while my sister is lecturing us on the evils of being drunk and causing chaos, she did the very same thing two weeks ago, in Canterlot. And managed to cause more damage by herself than all of us combined."
"You WHAT?!" Twilight gasped in shock. Celestia gulped at the sudden frowns bestowed upon her.
"Yes, well...it was, um, a misunderstanding." She tried. Luna snickered.
"Oh yes. Approximately a three thousand bit misunderstanding." She shook her head. "Really, Sister. I would have expected better from you given your lectures to us." Her eyes gleamed. "What was it that you said? It is wrong to get drunk and cause havoc? It would seem to me you should heed your own lecture." Celestia blushed furiously. She wanted to protest, but of course, her sister was right. Luna was studying her intently, a devious grin crossing her face as her horn began to light up. "I am thinking you could do with the same reminder you gave to us..." The others stared in astonishment as a large, white magical paddle formed. Larger, in fact, than the ones Celestia had used on them.
"Daaaaang...." Dash mumbled in some measure of sympathy. "That's gonna smart." Celestia, meantime was backing away from her grinning younger sister.
"N...now Luna, let's not do anything rash." She said, eyeing the big paddle nervously.
"Says the princess who got drunk and caused more damage than the rest of us put together!" Dash huffed, only to be glared into silence by Twilight. Luna kept advancing on Celestia, grin widening.
"What is it, Sister?" She said. "Can you not... take the heat?" Dash snorted loudly at the joke, earning another glare.
"Now, Luna, let's be reasonable." Celestia said. "After all, I am not a foal and..."
"And neither are we!" Her sister said. "Yet you paddled us! For the exact thing you did! So now it is your turn!" She lunged. Celestria shrieked and made a run for it, only to be tackled to the floor and sat upon by Luna.
"Luna! Get off!"
"Not until ypu have suffered the same as us!" Was the response as Luna took aim. There was a crack that resounded through the library, followed very closely by a loud wail from Celestia.
"OWWWWWWWWWWW! NOOOOOOO!!" Luna merely grinned as she delivered the richly deserved thrashing, ignoring the yelps, yowls and pleading from her older sibling. At long last, Celestia gave up and stopped fighting, instead trying to look like she wasn't crying...which she clearly was. Luna ceased her assault and got up. Celestia rose unsteadily, and looked from one wide eyed pony to another, then up at the balcony where the stunned Spike was still watching.
"We will never speak of any of the events of the past couple of weeks again." She said shakily. "Especially what just transpired. Not a word. Or you will be facing harsh consequences." And with that, she turned and walked out, doing her best to hide her red flank with her tail. Luna giggled and followed. Just before she was out the door completely, she looked behind her, eyes twinkling.
"Sweet Apple Acres, same time next weekend?"
"Eeyup." Applejack responded smiling. "We'll have the hard cider waitin' for ya! Two barrels this time!" Luna grinned and trotted out.
"We must be crazy." Dash muttered, grinning, as she shook her head.
"Count me out this time." Twilight said. "Just regular cider for me. Somepony in this group needs to stay sober so we avoid Princess Celestia's wrath." She shook her head.
Everypony started laughing.
