It's another average day in Equestria as you carry your bowl of cereal in Twilight's castle. Well, average for you anyway. Twilight and her friends always have some sort of crap going on. But that doesn't mean it's your problem. You can just sit on your butt, tell Twilight you're applying for a few jobs, and she's cool with you. She's so stressed and overwhelmed all the time, that she hasn't realized you've been here for three months.
You open the door to your breakfast eatin' room and step inside.
"ANON WE NEED YOU!" six feminine voices cry from within your eatin' room.
Well, this wasn't how you planned to handle today, but you certainly think you can handle six mares at once. If there's one thing you can do, is please a lady.
Horse lady. Whatever.
You take a moment to examine the room around you, and notice that your table is now looking like some crazy map of the world. And guess what. It's flat. Take THAT round Equis'ers. Sitting around the circle are your six friends, each with concerned expressions and folded back ears.
You feel your whole body become covered in a warm, purple magic which rips you through the air, dropping your Sugar Sweetie-O's and placing you right by Twilight.
"The map is calling you to the Equestria Immigration Office, Anon," Twilight said, pointing a hoof at the map to a small building in Ponyville that has a big green question mark over it.
"Woah, what? What are you talking about?" you say, looking from Twilight to each the girls. "Just because the six of you and your communist friend run to help someone-"
"Somepony," the six correct in unison.
"Sure. Anyway, just cause you all have to follow the map, doesn't mean I have to. Besides, why does a green question mark automatically mean it's me. Besides, my skin is colored-"
"Do it, or I'm kicking you out."
"Okay, woah. I was just kidding," you said reflexively. One short little trip isn't worth suddenly being homeless and losing free food privileges. "Tell me what's going on."
"Okay, well, remember how you arrived in Equestria?" Twilight asked.
"Yeah, it was a big drawn out ordeal that's probably too long to accurately summarize in a short story."
Rainbow Dash raised her hoof.
"Yeah, and we had sex!"
"Not the point," Twilight says, interjecting. "Ever since you began arriving in Equestria, we've had to begin setting laws for when inter-dimensional beings 'crossover' into our world."
"Huh," you say. "That sounds stupid."
"Well, most of them can just come and go whenever they want. You're just a special case that's stranded for eternity."
"Sorry about that, Darling," Rarity adds, filing a hoof and not really paying attention to the conversation.
"But now we get to hang out, right Anon?" Spike asks to fill the lull in conversation.
You look down from the little shit to Twilight.
"Okay, so what? Some shit's going down there?"
"Well yes. After Princess Celestia's No Wrong Way To Fantasize initiative, we've been seeing all sorts of strange ponies-"
"People." you correct. You pause looking around the room. "Yeah! Feel's kinda dickish doesn't it? How's it feel on the other end for a change?"
"Point taken," Twilight says. "Either way, we've been getting lots of new strange characters trying to come into Equestria. Some are human. Some are... less than savory. One was this crazy blue hedgehog and let me tell you-"
"Wait, Sonic?" you ask.
The room goes silent.
"Like, Sonic the Hedgehog. He came to Equestria?" you ask.
"How did you..."
"Yeah, no. Where I'm from, Earth, that's a cartoon character. He's in games too. Like Him. Tails. Knuckles-"
"NO I DO NOT KNOW THE WAY," Pinkie screams, slamming her hooves down on the table.
The room goes silent, all eyes on at Pinkie Pie.
"All I'm saying, is that they couldn't leave soon enough." Pinkie says, leaning back in her chair.
"So, you might... know these characters that are coming to Equestria?" Twilight asks.
"I guess? What do you need me to do?"
"Bowsette, huh?" you say, looking down to a small clipboard. "Can't say I've heard of her."
The stallion standing beside a locked door sighs, then looks back to the door behind him.
"Are you really sure you're up to seeing her? She's a bit... uhm."
"Strange?" you ask.
"No," he continues. "Viral. She's gone viral. And we always have to do a full analysis of anything viral that comes into Equestria. We can't just willy-nilly let people into Equestria. They could have diseases or diminish the value of our great country."
"Okay, I'm going to set aside how immigrant-phobic that sounded, and instead ask 'What do you want me to do?'"
"Well, get to know her. Then we need you to decide if she will be safe to allow into Equestria. And if she is safe, can she keep her form, or do we have to turn her into a pony."
You remain silent for a moment.
"You... turn characters from other things... into ponies."
"Oh yeah!" the law enforcement stallion continues. "Why we have thingpony just down the hall and-"
"Nope. I don't need to know. Just let me in."
"Okay," he says, turning a key and opening the door. "Don't say I didn't warn you."
You step into the small holding cell, and there, sitting on the other side of a table, is the only other person in the room.
And she's a human.
In fact, she's fully clad in short, tight fitting black clothing. She has cuffs and arm bands of spikes that lead up to a spiked choker on her neck. Her hair is long and blonde with two fierce, piercing blue eyes. She has two horns that protrude from either side of her head and wears a crown on top of her head.
A monster girl. They want you to interview a monster girl.
And your dick suddenly grew three sizes on that day.
"Bowsette?"
"Hmph," she grumbles, looking away from you. The tsundere type. Oh god. Is it hot in here? Or do you just want to plow this girl?
"My name is Anon. I'm here to review your passage into Equestria."
"Well, let's get on with it," Bowsette says, irritated. As if she didn't have time for this.
You bet she would be the type of lay that glares at you, or makes fun of your dick as you thrust. Oh god, why are you like this? Why do you like such weird things? Just focus and do your job.
"So, what brings you to Equestria?"
Bowsette shrugs.
"Things are very, very odd in the Mushroom Kingdom right now. I needed to get away. Plus, It's strange, but I felt like there was something I need to do here."
"Wait, back up. Did you say Mushroom Kingdom?" you ask.
"Yes. Didn't you read my forms?" she asks in irritation. Her face grew red and she leaned over the table, deepening he crease between her two supple breasts.
You blink in a mild daze. Oh shit. It's been awhile since you've seen a pair of those. How the hell haven't you heard of this immigration thing before. This is awesome.
"N-no," you stammered. "I mean. Uh. Yes. Like my job says I'm supposed to. Speaking of. I need to verify some things."
"Fine," she says, laying back, her arm resting over the back of the chair.
You notice that you're pitching a tent, so you decide to sit down in front of her at the table.
"So, uh. Name?"
"Bowsette."
"Origin?"
"Mushroom Kingdom."
"Purpose of Stay?"
"To get laid."
You blink. You look up to Bowsette. She looks back at you. She smiles faintly.
"What? Have you never fucked a horse before?"
"N-no."
She smiles even wider, her eyebrows furrowing.
"How loud are these walls?" she asks.
"Uh... M-maybe we should get back to the questions."
"Sure thing, I'll allow you to ask me questions."
You open your mouth to speak but find yourself at a loss for words. This conversation just took a weird turn. A sexy turn. A... oh god, who are you kidding. You want to drop all pretenses and just fuck the daylights out of this girl.
But. They said viral.
Maybe the paperwork will share something you need to know.
"Gender?" you ask.
"Male."
"Well that just can't be-"
You pause. Your soul drops to the bottom of your stomach as you see, written in black ink. Male
"Aliases?" you ask weakly.
"King Koopa, Bowser," she says devilishly.
"You... You're Bowser?"
"Nobody cared who I was until I put on the crown."
You pause, looking up to the girl in front of you. She's a code 63. Gender swapped character from an alternate universe.
"If I take that crown off, will you die?"
She snickers.
"It would be very painful. I'll morph back."
You gulp. She stands up.
"What about Mario and Peach?" you ask.
"What about them?" she says seductively. "All that matters right now is in this room now, isn't it?"
You raise to stop her, but your erect dick slams into the table as you rise up and gives away any game that you had. She crawls up on the table and moves towards you slowly.
"Now then, perhaps I can convince you in some way to... let me in?"
You close the door behind you as the stallion looks at you.
"Well?" he asks you. "How did it go? What's the verdict?"
You look at the stallion, your stomach no longer on this planet. You feel extremely satisfied, but also sort of hollow.
"Marty?"
"My name is Timber."
"Marty, are traps gay?" you ask.
He stares at you for a moment.
"Son," the stallion says to you. "I don't know what happened in there. But did it feel gay?"
You pause. You open your mouth to say something, then close it.
"Boy, I've seen a lot of things here at the immigration house, so I'll tell you what I tell all the new recruits. What you did is against the rules, but we over look it. There's much worse things that could happen than a little hanky panky."
"But," you ask. "Was it gay?"
"Anon," he says with a smile. "It's not the penis on the inside that counts, but the cock on the outside."
You exhale a deep breath.
"Oh thank god."
"So is she in?" he asks.
You pause, then look back to the door. Through the window you can see her lying naked on the interviewing table.
"Mind if I go get a second opinion? Just to be sure?"
Timber smiles.
"Welcome to the force, Anon."
Author's Note
I am part of the problem.
