Guarded Emotions: Old Ties

Chapters

Inconvenient Timing
On The Road To Annoyance
Oncoming Confrontation
Consequences
Return to Canterlot
A Long Time Coming

Inconvenient Timing

Ever since Princess Twilight Sparkle had first announced her plans for Equestria’s first ever Friendship Festival ponies everywhere had been buzzing with excitement. The Crystal Empire’s royal family were no exception, and with the festival only a few days away Cadance, Shining Armor and Flurry Heart, along with Sunburst, were making their way to Ponyville to help with preparations.

“Who’s excited to see her Aunty Twily? Who’s excited to see her Aunty Twily?” Shining Armor asked as he nuzzled his daughter. Flurry Heart responded with an excited squeal as she wriggled about in her stroller. “It’s going to be nice to finally spend some time with Twily as a family without having to worry about some huge emergency.”

“It should also be interesting to see what Moonwhisper’s like when he isn’t in the middle of having an anxiety attack,” Cadance added.

Shining Armor’s ears went flat at the reminder that his younger sister now had a coltfriend. “Oh, right, I had almost forgotten that Twily and Moonwhisper were a thing now.”

“I thought you’d be looking forward to seeing both of them,” Cadance replied. “After all, isn’t Moonwhisper a friend of yours?”

“One, it’s kind of awkward talking to a guy after you’ve walked in on him with your younger sister,” Shining Armor said as he winced a little at the memory. “Two, calling Moonwhisper a friend is…well, with him it gets kind of complicated. I mean, I respect the guy, sure. As far as guards go Moonwhisper would tie with uncle Noble Deed as the guard I look up to the most. But, friend? Honestly, the Moonwhisper I knew never really did the whole ‘friendship’ thing.”

“That’s the impression I always had of him as well,” Cadance remarked. “To be honest I still don’t really understand what it is Twilight sees in him.”

“Actually, in hindsight I can kind of understand why they got together. You remember what Twily was like before she went to Ponyville, don’t you?” Shining Armor asked.

“Of course! Twilight was one of the sweetest little fillies I ever sat for.”

“You’re leaving out that Twily was also so obsessed with her schoolwork that she really didn’t have any friends,” Shining Armor added. “Look, I love my little sister but you’ve got to admit that if somepony back then told you that one day she was going to be Princess of Friendship you’d have thought they were completely crazy.”

“For any number of reasons, but I suppose I can see your point,” Cadance conceded. “And Twilight certainly seems happy with Moonwhisper. I guess I just have trouble seeing past the pony that Moonwhisper is on the surface.”

“Well, maybe this big festival Twily’s putting on will help with that,” Shining Armor said hopefully. “I mean, Moonwhisper’s got to ease up once in a while now that he and Twily are – uh, Cadance honey? Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Shining Armor, look! Your cutie mark!” Cadance replied as she pointed a hoof at her husband’s rump. Confused, Shining Armor looked down to see that his cutie mark was glowing and pulsing with light.

“Oh my, I’ve actually read about this phenomenon in the letters Starlight Glimmer has sent me,” Sunburst said excitedly as he looked up from the book he had been reading. “According to her this is how the Cutie Map alerts ponies that they’re being summoned for a friendship mission.”

“So, that would mean that I’m being called to go on one of those missions then?” Shining Armor asked as he gave Cadance and Flurry Heart a look of concern. “So much for having an uneventful family visit, I guess.”

“Maybe it won’t be quite as bad as you think,” Cadance suggested. “After all, from what I’ve heard these friendship mission usually only take a day or two to handle. I’ll bet you’ll be able to get whatever the map needs you for sorted out long before the end of the festival.”

“Not to mention the fact that we have no way of knowing where in Equestria the map needs you to go,” Sunburst added. “It’s entirely possible that this friendship problem is located in Ponyville or Canterlot.”

“Huh, that’s actually a pretty good point,” Shining Armor said. “In any event, it’s not like I can just refuse to go or anything. After all, I have to set a good example for this little filly here.” As Shining Armor spoke he leaned down and nuzzled his daughter once again. For the next several minutes, Shining Armor and Cadance speculated as to exactly what sort of mission the map needed him for. “I honestly can’t think of a good reason why the map would want me specifically,” Shining Armor said as he scratched his head. “You’d think Twily would be a better fit for this sort of thing.”

“Don’t be silly, dear, you know plenty about friendship,” Cadance assured him.

“I’m pretty sure there’s a difference between having friends and whatever it is the map needs me for. Although, maybe this mission has something to do with the guard. That would explain why the map wanted me and not Twilight or her friends.”

“Actually, we don’t know for certain that the map hasn’t called Princess Twilight or one of her friends as well,” Sunburst commented. “As I understand it, the map typically sends ponies out in pairs to tackle these missions, so it’s quite likely that somepony else will be joining you.”

“Huh, I wonder who I’ll be paired with,” Shining Armor mused.

“It looks as though we’re going to find out in just a moment,” Cadance said, gesturing out the window as their train squealed to a halt into the Ponyville Station. A glance outside revealed that Twilight was already waiting on the platform. The Princess of Friendship had a manic grin plastered across her features and she was giddily hopping up and down as though she could barely control her excitement.

“Shining Armor! Cadance!” Twilight exclaimed as the group disembarked from the train.

“Gu Bah!” Before either of her parents could respond, Flurry Heart awkwardly flapped out of her stroller and launched herself at her aunt.

“Aw, and how’s my favorite niece doing?” Twilight said as she nuzzled the giggling Flurry Heart.

“Yeah, she was really excited for this trip,” Shining Armor said. “Speaking of excited, it looked like you were a little more hyped up than usual. I’m guessing that this has something to do with this.” As Shining Armor spoke he gestured back towards his cutie mark.

Twilight’s smile widened even further at the sight. “I just couldn’t believe it when Spike told me you had been called by the map for a mission. And the best part is who its decided to send with you!”

“Really? Who is it?”

*********

“And you’re absolutely certain there’s nothing wrong with the map?” Moonwhisper asked as he eyed the pair of cutie marks circling above the surface of the Cutie Map.

“For the last time the map is working just fine,” Starlight Glimmer replied irritably. “There hasn’t been a thing wrong with it since Twilight and I used our repair spell on it.”

“But are you sure that’s the case? What if this is the result of a delayed reaction to being teleported by Miss Trixie? There’s also the possibility that there could have been issues caused by the spells Star Swirl was casting on the map during the Pony of Shadows debacle. Perhaps Star Swirl did something to knock the map’s magic off kilter.”

“Ok, first of all do you honestly think Star Swirl the Bearded would have accidently broken the Cutie Map?” Starlight asked incredulously.

“To be frank, my opinion of Star Swirl is considerably less adulatory than Princess Twilight’s” Moonwhisper said through tightly clenched teeth.

“Wow, I know Star Swirl was a kind of a jerk, but – actually, you know what? I’m not going to get into that with you. All I have to say is that there is definitely nothing wrong with the map.”

“Very well, but can you conclusively rule out some form of outside interference?” Moonwhisper suggested hopefully. “Perhaps Discord has manipulated the map somehow.”

“Oh, for the love of – why would Discord mess with the map to make it send you and Twilight’s brother on a friendship mission?”

Moonwhisper shrugged. “For his own personal amusement? That does seem to be Discord’s primary motivation for doing just about anything.”

Starlight pondered Moonwhisper’s response for several moments before replying. “Ok, I’ll give you that, but I’m pretty sure messing around with the Cutie Map would be going a bit far even for Discord. Besides, I think I heard Spike mention that Discord’s gone off somewhere for the next week or so. Something about an old acquaintance and the letter ‘Q’.”

Whatever response Moonwhisper had to this was abruptly cut short by the sounds of hoofsteps heading towards the map room. Moments later the doors to the main hall burst open as Twilight and Shining Armor into the room, Cadance and Flurry Heart close behind. “Moonwhisper!” Shining Armor called out a soon as he entered the room. “Can you seriously believe this? The two of us being sent off on a mission together. It’s just like old times, isn’t it?”

“We’re being deployed to a remote corner of Equestria with no support and only the vaguest idea as to what our objective is. I suppose this does bear a striking resemblance to the last time we were deployed together,” Moonwhisper replied sourly. “Hopefully you’ll be able to get through this without getting yourself seriously injured this time.”

“Now I’m sure it’s not going to be that bad,” Twilight admonished, eliciting a mumbled apology from Moonwhisper.

“What I’m curious about is where in Equestria the map is sending the two of you,” Cadance said as she stepped forward.

“Our apparent destination is somewhere in the southwestern Equestrian Badlands,” Moonwhisper replied. “I’d estimate it’s approximately half a day’s march from the nearest train station, which would be Dodge City. Air transport has to be ruled out due to the proximity of roc nesting grounds to our objective. A detour around the area would be possible, but we’d end up losing more time than just going by hoof.”

Shining Armor chuckled. “Heh, same old Moonwhisper. I’m surprised you don’t have a checklist of everything we’ll need already put together.”

“We actually finished the checklist before you and Candance got here,” Twilight said. “Spike and Lieutenant Silver Streak are already out getting everything together. They should be back pretty soon; Moonwhisper had sorted the checklist based on which shops carried what for maximum efficiency,” Twilight added in a dreamy tone that elicited eye rolls from Cadance and Starlight Glimmer.

“Mostly I just want to get this mission over with as quickly as possible,” Moonwhisper added before turning to Twilight. “With a high-profile event like this Friendship Festival of yours I should be by your side, not running off to solve some random pony’s interpersonal issues.”

“Hey, believe me, Moonwhisper, I’m right there with you on this,” Shining Armor said as he glanced back at his wife and daughter. “But we’ve got a job to do and you’re the one who’s always saying how a guard’s duty to Equestria trumps everything else. Besides, what sort of example would I be setting for Flurry Heart if I didn’t do this.”

“I wasn’t suggesting that we refuse the mission,” Moonwhisper replied, sounding slightly offered at the suggestion. “I was merely expressing my concern that the timing of this mission is less than ideal.”

“Moonwhisper, I know how seriously you take your duty as my bodyguard, but I’ll be fine,” Twilight assured Moonwhisper as she brushed him with one of her wings. “Its not as though some giant army is going to attack Canterlot the one time you’re away on a friendship mission. And whatever it is the map needs you to do I’m sure you and Shining Armor will be able to handle it.”

Not to mention the fact that this will be a great chance for the two of us to finally catch up on things,” Shining Armor added as he draped a foreleg over Moonwhisper’s withers. “So, how soon are we gonna leave?”

As Moonwhisper struggled to extract himself from Shining Armor’s grasp, Cadance pulled Twilight over to one side. “Twilight, I know you’re not really the type to question these map missions, but isn’t there something about this that just seems a little odd to you?”

“What do you mean?” Twilight asked.

“Why in Equestria would the map send Shining Armor and Moonwhisper to solve a friendship problem? I’m not saying that either of them wouldn’t be able to solve a friendship problem would need both of them?”

Twilight pondered Cadance’s question for a moment before shrugging. “Honestly, I have no idea. But the map hasn’t been wrong yet, so whatever is going on I trust that Moonwhisper and Shining Armor are the best ponies for the job. Who knows, maybe the map finally found a problem that has to be solved by kicking something in the head until it stops twitching,” Twilight said with a laugh before noticing Cadance’s expression. “That’s how Moonwhisper sometimes describes what he does as a guard. I know how it sounds, but when you consider how often Moonwhisper fights pony-eating monsters…”

Cadance help up her hoof before Twilight could go on. “That’s alright, I think I understand what you’re saying. Well, whatever it is they’re being called to deal with it hopefully won’t be any more treacherous than your festival.”

On The Road To Annoyance

“This is Hell,” Moonwhisper silently thought to himself. “I died in my sleep and as punishment for the collective sins of the von Umbra family I’ve been sent to Hell. That’s the only possible explanation for this.”

“- and this one is from Flurry Heart’s first Nightmare Night,” Shining Armor said, pointing to yet another photograph of his daughter. “Isn’t she just adorable? We dressed her up as a widdle bear cub and she spent all night roaring at everypony she saw. Oh, here’s a picture of Flurry Heart after she got into her Nightmare Night candy…”

“I take it back,” Moonwhisper thought as he looked at the seemingly endless length of wallet photos Shining Armor had brought. “If Donkey’s Inferno is anything to go by, Hell would be downright tolerable compared to this.” Moonwhisper let out a sigh of resignation and looked out the train window as he leaned back in his seat.

“Hey, are you alright there, Moonwhisper?” Shining Armor asked as he looked up from a photo of Flurry Heart surrounded by mounds of wrapping paper. “Sorry, I sometimes get a little carried away when I start talking about Flurry Heart and it is kind of a long ride to…where are we going again?”
“We’ll be disembarking at Dodge City,” Moonwhisper replied wearily. “As far as I was able to tell that’s the closest train station to our actual destination.” Moonwhisper turned back to stare silently out the train window for several moments, his eye twitching angrily. “I don’t care what that miserable table says, we should be there in Canterlot. All five alicorn princesses, Celestia knows how many other high profile ponies, all in one convenient location. It’s as though we’re ringing a dinner bell for every monster, despot and Celestia knows what else that wants to take over and/or destroy Equestria.”

“Look, Moonwhisper, I get where you’re coming from, believe me. Hay, three of those alicorn princesses are my wife, my daughter and my little sister. But, don’t you think you’re being just a little paranoid?” Shining Armor asked.

“In my experience the difference between paranoia and justifiable concern is mostly a matter of hindsight,” Moonwhisper replied darkly. “Besides which, I can’t say that I have all that much confidence in the ability of the Canterlot garrison to provide adequate protection.”

Shining Armor dejectedly slumped back into his seat. “I really wish I could argue with you about that, the entire Canterlot garrison is a complete joke. The problem is that it was treated as almost completely ceremonial for centuries. I mean, it wasn’t until the changeling invasion that I was able to get the city to scrap the requirements that every guard stationed there have the same mane and coat colors.”

“To this day I’m amazed that you never wound up throttling any of the so-called nobles you were beholden to,” Moonwhisper said. “That’s one of the many reasons that I insisted that you take that posting when we were offered it. Luckily that’s one problem I haven’t run into in Ponyville. Mayor Mare seems content to leave things to me as long as I don’t cause any unnecessary disruptions to the townsponies.”

“Speaking of Ponyville, I heard construction is almost done on Fort Everfree. How soon are you planning on bringing in an actual garrison?”

“Well, I don’t have a set date yet, but barring any major shakeups in Ponyville we should be sending out transfer orders by next Hearth’s Warming. It won’t be terribly many, mind you, just a dozen or so privates. Really I’d just like enough to maintain a consistent patrol along the border of the Everfree Forest.”

“You know you’re going to be to be completely swamped with volunteers, right? Every cadet in the guard is going to be jumping at the change to serve under a living legend like the Warhorse of the Apocalypse himself.”

Moonwhisper grimaced. “You know I loathe that ridiculous nickname.”

“Lighten up, Moonwhisper, it’s tradition for captains of the guard to get over the top nicknames like that. Besides, it’s good for morale,” Shining Armor added.

“The only ponies to have their morale boosted by that particular tradition are the hooffull of guard captains that are sufficiently self-important to actually care about their nicknames. It’s a stupid, juvenile tradition that was carried over from an old pre-Equestrian army with an even more dismal track record than Fillydelphia’s hoofball team.” Moonwhisper let out a snort of irritation as he finished his rant and sank back into his seat.”

Several seconds passed before Shining Armor responded. “I didn’t know you followed hoofball.”

“I don’t, not really. That being said, I’ve…picked up on a few things through socializing with Spike and Big Macintosh. Thus far I’ve drawn the line at joining any of their Ogres and Oubliettes sessions, though.”

Ogres and Oubliettes, huh? Oh man, that brings back memories,” Shining Armor said. “I still say you should have joined the games I ran back at the officer’s academy. Who knows, you might have actually enjoyed yourself for once.”

“I rather doubt that for any number of reasons,” Moonwhisper countered. “To start with, I’ve never had all that much interest in playing pretend. Perhaps more importantly, you do recall what I was like when we were attending the academy, don’t you?”

Shining Armor cringed at the thought. “Ok, so admittedly you were a little…you know, off back then. Alright, you were a lot off. You were still much better than you were back in bootcamp, though.”

“In other words I was better at concealing the fact that I was an emotionally traumatized adolescent whose fight or flight instinct was ready to go off at a moment’s notice,” Moonwhisper replied sardonically.

“Eh, yeah, that. Speaking of fight or flight, I was just thinking about that thing that happened our first day of boot camp.”

“You’re referring to the incident with…what was his name? Lucerne Hammer, I think?” Moonwhisper said. “I honestly don’t think I’ve thought about that idiot in years…”

*********

“You! What’s yer name, geldin’?” Drill Sergeant Crab Apple snarled at the unlucky recruit at the end of the line that had been assembled in the barracks.

“Sir, my name is Shining Armor, sir!”

“Shinin’ Armor, huh? And where the hay are y’all from, ‘Shinin’ Armor’?”

“Sir, I’m from Canterlot, sir,” Shining Armor replied, desperately trying to keep any sort of nervousness from creeping into his voice.

“Canterlot? Ooh lah dee dah, we’ve got ourselves a nice fancy show pony here.” The drill sergeant leaned in until Shining Armor could feel the heat from his breath on his face. “Y’all look like the type of whiny little filly who’ll start bawlin’ if y’ chip a hoof. Do Ah have that right, geldin’?”

“Sir, no I would not, sir!” Shining Armor replied.

“Are y’all disagreein’ with me, geldin’? Ah am goin’ to enjoy draggin’ yer worthless hindquarters through the mud.” With a snort, Crab Apple moved on to the next recruit in line. “And what in Tartarus do we have here? Are y’all lost, cold? Do y’all think this is some kind of Celestia-damned daycare center?”

“Sir no sir,” the young recruit replied in a surprisingly calm voice. The obviously adolescent colt was a full head shorter than the recruits to either side of him, leaving him looking almost comically out of place.

“What’s yer name, geldin’?” the drill sergeant growled as he loomed over the recruit.

“Sir Moonwhisper sir,” came the prompt reply. There was something about the recruit’s tone that caught Crab Apple’s attention, though he couldn’t quite put his hoof on what it was.

“Moonwhisper, eh?” Now, what in Celestia’s name does a snot-nosed little puke like you think yer doin’ in mah boot camp?”

“Sir I am here to do whatever I am instructed to sir.”

“Is that so? Well, drop on the ground and give me twenty,” Crab Apple demanded.

“Sir yes sir,” Moonwhisper said as he promptly dropped to the ground and immediately began performing pushups. As Crab Apple watched, it dawned on him what is was about Moonwhisper that had seemed odd. There had been no fear in the colt’s voice, or any other emotion for that matter. Just the conditioned replies of somepony who had already had discipline and obedience thoroughly beaten into them.

“Heh, stupid little brown-nosing runt,” a voice muttered from further down the line, prompting Crab Apple to immediately storm over in a rage.

“Alright, which of y’all ruttin’ jackasses just said that?” Crab Apple roared. While nopony answered out loud, it wasn’t hard for Crab Apple to pick out the culprit, a particularly bulky drab blue unicorn who was trying to suppress a disgustingly smug grin. “Y’all over there!” Crab Apple snarled as he marched up to the offending unicorn. “What in Princess Celestia’s name did y’all just say?”

“Ok,” the stallion replied with a sneer as he glanced over to Moonwhisper, “I said –“

“Y’ worthless sack of horse apples, y’all did not just address me without sayin’ ‘sir’!” Crab Apple shouted. “Now, drop down and give me fifty! And Ah swear to Celestia that if y’all ever speak to me again and the first and last words out of your mouth are not ‘sir’ I will personally pull yer lungs out through yer eye sockets! Now, what’s yer name, geldin’?”

“Sir, Lucerne Hammer…sir,” the stallion grumbled through clenched teeth.

“What’s that, geldin’? When Ah ask y’all a question Ah expect y’all to speak like y’all actually have a pair. Now Ah’ll ask y’all again, what is yer name?”

“Sir, Lucerne Hammer sir!” Lucerne Hammer replied at the top of his lungs.

“Lucerne Hammer, eh? Let me tell y’all somethin’, Private Hammer; y’all are nothin’. Y’all are a worthless sack of rottin’ garbage. Ah’d call y’all a worm, but unlike y’all worms are actually useful. And that goes fer the rest y’all geldin’s,” Crab Apple added as he turned to address the rest of the recruits. “There is not a single one of y’all that is worth the dirt on the underside of mah horseshoes. It is mah job to take y’ miserable piles of manure and transform y’all into stallions worthy of the Equestrian Royal Guard. Now, trainin’ will begin at zero five hundred hours tomorrow, so get some rest because Ah promise y’ y’all will need it.” With that, Crab Apple started to storm out of the barracks before stopping just before the door. “And y’all had better make sure that Private Hammer finishes those pushups or there will be Tartarus to pay fer all of y’all.” Letting out a final snort to punctuate this last ultimatum Crab Apple turned and exited, slamming the door to the barracks behind him.

“Yeesh, that fella’s got all the charm of a rattler with a toothache,” the recruit to the right of Shining Armor, a navy blue unicorn stallion, commented once the sergeant was safely out of sight. “Ah’m Sharpshooter, by the way.”

“Yeah, well, he is a drill sergeant,” Shining Armor replied. “I’m pretty sure that’s more or less a job requirement. To be honest it’s pretty much what I expected form the stories my uncle used to –“

“Hey! Runt!” Shining Armor found himself interrupted by Lucerne Hammer as the massive stallion stomped towards Moonwhisper. “I just got chewed out because of you!”

“No, you were reprimanded due to your speaking out of turn and failure to properly address our drill sergeant as per regulation,” Moonwhisper replied calmly. “Also, by my count you’ve only completed twenty seven of your mandated pushups. I would recommend you resume them as soon as possible.”

“You miserable little piece of –“ Lucerne Hammer snarled as he lunged at Moonwhisper, only for Shining Armor to interpose himself between the two.

“Knock it off, Lucerne, Moonwhisper’s right. You brought Sergeant Crab Apple down on you yourself, so why don’t you back off and finish your stupid pushups before you get the sergeant angry at the rest of us.”

Lucerne Hammer narrowed his eyes as he assessed Shining Armor. “Why don’t you mind your own business, Canterlot? This is just between me and the runt.”

“I don’t know what your deal is, but if you think I’m just going to sit back while you act like some demented schoolyard bully than you’re out of your mind,” Shining Armor fired back, clearly unintimidated.

“You really think you can take me on, Canterlot? ‘Cause I’d sure as hay enjoy beating your – Hey! Where the rut do you think you’re trotting off to, runt?” Lucerne Hammer suddenly yelled as he noticed that Moonwhisper had lost interest in the proceedings and was already walking away. “Don’t you rutting ignore me, get back here!” Before Shining Armor could intervene, Moonwhisper was engulfed by an orange glow and was roughly levitated until he was eye to eye with Lucerne Hammer.

There was virtually no warning for what happened next, save for the sight of Moonwhisper’s pupils dilating. A split second later a pair of dark blue flashes of light manifested at the tip and base of Lucerne Hammer’s horn, causing him to release Moonwhisper as he howled in agony. The moment Moonwhisper touched the ground he spun around and lashed out with his rear legs, driving his hooves into both of Lucerne Hammer’s knees. As Lucerne Hammer collapsed forward Moonwhisper bucked straight up, smashing Lucerne Hammer in the jaw with enough force to send him tumbling head over hooves onto the floor.

Several seconds of stunned silence ticked by before anypony could gather the presence of mind to react to what had just happened. “Holy Celestia, did y’all just see that? Ah’ve seen ponies pick fights with bison and not end up gettin’ smacked down that quick,” Sharpshooter exclaimed. After minute or two more passed Sharpshooter then turned to Shining Armor. “Say, Shinin’ Armor, do y’ have any idea what that light show was that knocked out Lucerne’s magic?”

“I’m not entirely sure, but I think it might have been a Far Hoof technique called a horn cracker,” Shining Armor replied, causing Sharpshooter in wince in sympathetic pain.

“Oh, that just sounds painful.”

“Yeah, and it’s probably even worse than you think. That technique’s banned in any sort of competition because it can snap somepony’s horn clean off if you’re not careful.” Shining Armor turned to Moonwhisper himself, who had hardly moved after knocking Lucerne Hammer away. “Hey, listen, I’m not saying that that guy didn’t have it coming, but don’t you think you went a little – whoa, are you alright?”

Looking closer, Shining Armor could see that Moonwhisper was hyperventilating while his entire body shook. “What the hay is wrong with him?” Sharpshooter asked as he waved a hoof in front of Moonwhisper’s face. “Hello? Anypony in there?”

“He looks like he’s in shock,” Shining Armor said as he tried to assess the situation. “We’d better get somepony to take him to the infirmary along with Lucerne Hammer. I’m not really sure what’s wrong with him, but I’m pretty sure he needs a professional to check him out.”

*********

“And that’s how we figured out that trying to levitate you was a really bad idea,” Shining Armor said with a laugh.

Moonwhisper grunted in response as he pointed stared out the train window. “I’ve never particularly cared for the sensation, that’s all,” Moonwhisper grumbled.

“And that’s why you freak out like somepony’s trying to kill you every time it happens?” Shining asked. “Look, I get it if you don’t want to talk about it since its probably part of that whole…thing you wen through when you were younger, but -“

“Whatever happened to Lucerne Hammer anyway?” Moonwhisper interjected in an effort to change the subject. “As I recall he essentially vanished a week or two into training.”

“He was given a conduct discharge pretty quickly, and not just because of that incident with you. That guy had some serious issues with authority and he was picking fights with just about everypony,” Shining Armor added. “Heck, one of the first things he did when he got out of the infirmary was to start a fight with Spearhead.”

“Spearhead? Why does that name sound so familiar?” Moonwhisper pondered.

“He had an art show in Ponyville not too long ago. Now that I remember it, I think you might have been out of town then since we didn’t see you when Cadance and I dropped Flurry Heart off with Twily.”

“Ah, that was shortly after the changelings deposed Chrysalis, wasn’t it? If that was the case I most likely would have been in Canterlot helping put together new security protocols in light of the changes to the changeling situation.” Moonwhisper idly tapped his hoof for a few seconds before continuing. “So, Spearhead was the one who had the art show? He never really struck me as the artistic type. Although he always did seem rather fond of that needlepoint of his, I suppose he must have finally made a career out of it.”

“Needlepoint?” Shining Armor asked with a baffled expression. “Oh, wait, no, you’re thinking of Spear Point, not Spearhead.”

“I thought Spear Point was the one with the rather off-color sense of humor,” Moonwhisper replied.

“No, that was Spear Shaft,” Shining Armor replied. “You know, now that I think about it maybe Spike had a point about all of our friend’s names sounding the same.”

“If you think that’s bad, try keeping the names of the Apple family straight,” Moonwhisper said. “I correspond regularly with one of Applejack’s cousins and to be honest whenever he writes about his family members the names just blur together.”

Shining Armor was about to comment on similar issue he had encountered with the crystal ponies, but before he could he was cut off by the high-pitched squeal of the train’s breaks. “Last stop, Dodge City,” the conductor announced as he trotted down the aisle.

“I guess this is our stop,” Shining Armor said. “So, how much further is it to wherever we’re going?”

“Assuming we start walking as soon as we have our canteens filled we should arrive some time around tomorrow afternoon,” Moonwhisper replied as he rose to retrieve their bags.

“Well, I guess if that’s what we have to do then that’s what we have to do.”

*********

The rest of the day passed by largely uneventfully as Shining Armor and Moonwhisper trekked through the Southern Equestrian Wastes. Moonwhisper stayed largely silent throughout the day, partly to keep from losing moisture out of his mouth and partly because he had nothing to say. Much to Moonwhisper’s chagrin, however, the same could not be said for Shining Armor.

“Hey, Moonwhisper, what do you wear to a formal event in the desert?”

“Oh for the love of…” Moonwhisper muttered as he felt his eye twitch in frustration.

“A cacti! Get it? A cac –“

“Shining Armor, I realize that telling terrible jokes is something of a tradition for new fathers but I swear to Celestia if you make one more pun I will force-feed you the next cactus or other appropriately spiny piece of vegetation we encounter.”

“Yeesh, Moonwhisper, I’d have thought you’d have appreciated having a dry wit around while marching through the desert,” Shining Armor replied with a grin. “Come on, Moonwhisper, lighten up a little. What’s got you so agitated?”

“Princess Twilight and Princess Cadance together at a massive festival in Canterlot and I’m capable of at least rudimentary pattern recognition,” Moonwhisper replied acidly.

“You’re not letting go of that, are you?” Shining Armor said.

“I’ll tell you what, if we get back to Canterlot and nothing has happened I will cheerfully admit that I was wrong. In the meantime, I’d appreciate it if you would please cut the…I’d call it a comedy act but that would imply that somepony might actually find you funny.”

“Hey, Flurry Heart thinks I’m funny,” Shining Armor replied defensively.

“And the fact that you’re brining up your toddler as an example instead of, say, Princess Cadance speaks volumes.”

Shining Armor opened his mouth to respond before slowly closing it. “Ok, I’ll admit you’ve got me there. So, not to change the subject or anything, but how close are we to this place anyway? It feels like we’ve been walking all day.”

“That’s likely because we have been walking all day,” Moonwhisper replied. “We’re still a fair distance from our destination, but the good news is that there’s a road nearby, or at least what would pass for one out here, that runs straight to where we’re headed.”

“Well thank Celestia for small favors. With any luck by this time tomorrow we’ll be headed back to Canterlot. If we’re really luck we can get back there in time for Songbird Serenade’s concert. Cadance is a big fan,” Shining Armor added sheepishly.

Moonwhisper, however, simply shrugged. “As much as I’d like to share your optimism I somehow doubt things are gong to be quite that simple.”

*********

As it turned out, Moonwhisper’s estimate as to when they would arrive proved rather accurate and by mid-afternoon the next day Shining Armor and Moonwhisper found themselves staring down at a tiny village nestled at the base of a mountain. “So, we’re supposed to solve a friendship problem here?” Shining Armor asked, incredulousness creeping into his voice. “Well, at least it shouldn’t take us long to find whatever it is we’re supposed to do here, it looks like hardly anypony lives here.”

“Mmhmm,” Moonwhisper muttered as he scanned the area. “If I had to guess I’d say it’s probably a mining town. Something’s odd, though.”

“What is it?” Shining Armor asked.

“It appears that a number of the houses on the outskirts of the town have been abandoned. That wouldn’t necessarily be suspicious by itself given that mining towns tend to start hemorrhaging their population when the mines run dry…”

“But if this place had been around long enough for its mine to go dry then we’d probably have some record of it,” Shining Armor said as Moonwhisper nodded. “Maybe whatever’s making ponies leave is the problem we’re supposed to deal with. By the way, how exactly are we supposed to figure that part out, anyway? Twily didn’t really say too much about it and that’s not really like her.”

“Based on the reports of past missions that Twilight has catalogued, the general approach seems to be to wander about aimlessly until we run into the problem at hoof. And before you say anything, I’d be inclined to agree regarding the ridiculousness of that methodology but it has proven repeatedly effective thus far,” Moonwhisper added.

As the pair drew closer to the settlement they passed by a number of the mysteriously vacated houses. In happier times the houses might have seemed at home in Appleloosa or perhaps Starlight Glimmer’s remote village. Now, however, the empty dwellings were in a horrendous state of disrepair. The doors and windows of most of the houses had been smashed apart or ripped out, leaving only dark holes like gaping wounds. Porch railings and fences lay trampled into pieces in the dirt, only partially obscured by the weeds that started to pop up out of the dirt. A small number of the houses had even apparently been gutted by fire, black scorch marks still visible on the timbers. “Do I even need to say anything?” Moonwhisper asked as the pair passed a home that had practically collapsed in on itself.

“No, it’s pretty obvious something’s been attacking the ponies who live here and whoever it is isn’t even trying to be subtle about it. Normally this is where I’d say to stay alert, but I probably don’t need to tell you that, do I?” Moonwhisper smirked at this comment but said nothing as the two moved towards the heart of the village. Even though the homes and shops here seemed to be intact the streets were completely devoid of ponies.

“We’re being watched,” Moonwhisper finally said as he and Shining Armor came to a stop in the village center.

“Yeah, I figured as much. Any idea how many?” Shining Armor asked as he scanned the windows looking down on them for any signs of movement.

“Hard to tell, they’re being extremely cautious. If I had to guess I’d say they’re most likely concerned that we’re here to attack them. I don’t suppose you have any suggestions as to what she would do?”

Shining Armor thought for a moment. “Well, in every cowpony story I’ve read the first thing hero always does when they come to town is head for the saloon, so maybe we should start there.”

Moonwhisper stared at Shining Armor for almost a full minute as he tried to formulate a response before finally shaking his head in defeat. “As absurd as that reasoning is, I can’t honestly say I have an alternative suggestion. Lead on,” Moonwhisper added without a hint of sarcasm.

“Huh, I kinda figured you were going to make more of an argument about that,” Shining Armor said as he started to head towards what appeared to be the town’s saloon.

“In all fairness, the suggestion in and of itself is reasonable. I might take issue with your inspiration being some dime store pulp novel, but then again we’ve been sent this mission be a magical table so why the hay not?” Moonwhisper paused before continuing. “Do you ever sometimes just step back and reflect on the fact that this is the life we’re living?”

Shining Armor chuckled. “I wake up every morning next to the most beautiful mare in Equestria in our massive crystal palace in the center of an empire that until recently was thought of as an obscure old mare’s tale. And half the time I’m woken up courtesy of my alicorn princess daughter. So, yeah, I can definitely get the whole ‘this is surreal’ thing.” Grinning, Shining Armor pushed the door to the nameless saloon open and trotted inside as Moonwhisper followed close behind. The saloon was a rather dismal example of such an establishment. Its interior was dimly lit by what little light could make it through the unwashed windows. Nopony seemed bothered by this, however, or rather nopony was there to be bothered. The only other pony present was a lone earth pony mare sitting behind the bar. As she watched Shining Armor and Moonwhisper enter her expression seemed to rapidly cycle between elation and terror before finally settling on a sort of manic nervousness.

“Why hello there! Mah name’s Rock Salt and this here’s mah establishment. Ain’t nothin’ fancy like y’all’d find up in Appleloosa but it does our townsponies just fine. ‘Course it’s quiet now what with everypony working the mines. But listen to me ramble on, what brings a pair of handsome stallions like yerselves to this neck of Equestria?”

“Believe it or not, we were sent her to solve a friendship problem,” Shining Armor said as he seated himself at the bar. “I don’t suppose you can think of any problems like that that you’ve noticed recently.”

“Naw, Ah can’t think of any friendship problems ‘round here,” Rock Salt nervously as she glanced at the door to the outside. “Ah don’t suppose Ah could offer either of y’all somethin’ to drink?”

“Tea, if you have any.” Moonwhisper replied simply as he took a seat near Shining Armor.

“Sure, Ah’ll see what Ah get fer y’. Anythin’ else?” Rock Salt asked. As Shining Armor shook his head in reply Rock Salt scurried off to heat up a kettle.

“She’s hiding something,” Shining Armor whispered once he was reasonably certain Rock Salt was out of earshot.

“Truly I’m in awe of your ability to state the obvious,” Moonwhisper grumbled back. “Most likely she’s afraid of retaliation from whatever was responsible for the attacks on the homes we passed earlier.”

“Now who’s stating the obvious?”

Moonwhisper thought for a moment before shrugging. “Fair point. Do you have any preference on how to proceed from here?”

“It’d probably be best if you lest the talking to me for now,” Shining Armor replied as Rock Salt returned with a dented teakettle.

“Ah hope this is alright fer y’,” Rock Salt said as she placed an earthenware cup in front of Moonwhisper and filled it from the kettle. “We ain’t exactly got many tea drinkers ‘round these parts so this is ‘bout all we have.”

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Moonwhisper assured her a she took a deep whiff. “It smells lovely,” he added.

“Anyway, we were hoping you could answer a few questions we have about some of the houses we passed on the way into town. Specifically, all the abandoned homes on the outskirts,” Shining Armor said as she fixed Rock Salt with a hard stare.

“Oh, well there ain’t much to tell,” Rock Salt replied nervously. “Lot’s of ponies come to towns like ours thinking they’re gonna strike it rich and then leave after a month or two once they decide workin’ the mines ain’t fer them.”

“So when do you break in and torch their old homes?” Shining Armor asked pointedly. “Do you wait until they’ve already left or is that part of the farewell party?”

“Ah think it’d be best if the two of you left,” Rock Salt replied sharply. “Otherwise, things might – oh no.” As Rock Salt spoke, the sounds of raucous laughter began to drift in from outside. Moments later the door to the saloon slammed open and a pair of stallions swaggered inside.

“Hey Rock Salt! Pour us a couple of ciders and make it quick!” one of the stallions, a scrawny, off-white unicorn snapped before noticing Shining Armor and Moonwhisper at the bar. “Well, what the hay do we have here? You colts takin’ a break from yer jobs? If I were you I’d get my rumps back to the mines, otherwise you know what the boss is liable to do.”

“No, I don’t think I do know,” Shining Armor said with a dangerous edge in his voice. “Why don’t you enlighten me?”

“You…you ain’t from around here,” the scrawny stallion replied nervously. “Just who the hay are you? And what are you doin’ in our village?”

“Hahaha, looks like you bit off a little more than you can chew, Shell Shock,” the other stallion, a large dirt-brown pegasus laughed. “That there is Shining Armor himself, a genuine Captain of the Royal Guard.”

“A-a guard captain?” Shell Shock asked in an increasingly terrified tone as he backed away in fear.

“Relax, Shell Shock, Shining Armor might be a captain, but he’s as useless as feathers on a mule without his little baby sister around to save his rump.”

“Wait a minute,” Shining Armor snapped angrily. “I recognize you. You’re Iron Shield, aren’t you?”

“Heh, I’m surprised you’d remember somepony like me, your highness,” Iron Shield sneered as he plopped down onto the stool between Shining Armor and Moonwhisper, who appeared to be ignoring the events unfolding next to him.

“There haven’t exactly been many guards who’ve received a bad conduct discharge under my command. So, I see you’ve gone from petty crimes to terrorizing civilians.

Iron Shield spat on the floor. “If you’re trying to intimidate me then you’re wasting your breath. Now, if your little sister were here than maybe that’d be a different story. Actually, its too bad she isn’t here, last time I checked she was a pretty cute mare. Y’know what? Maybe, after I’m done running your pampered rump out of town I’ll head out to Ponyville and show her what a real stallion’s like. What do you have to say to that?”

A look of pure rage momentarily crossed Shining Armor’s features before it was replaced by one of calm cheerfulness. “You know, Iron Shield, if you had said that to me on almost any other day I’d probably threaten to break every bone in your miserable body. But today, right now? I’m not going to say a single thing, and do you know why?” Shining Armor gave a particularly vicious grin. “Because there’s nothing I could possibly think of to threaten you with that could even come close to what’s about to happen to you.”

“What the hay are you talk - HRK!” Iron Shield was cut off without warning as he began choking and flailing about in his seat. The only clue as to what was happening was a dark blue band of magic encircling his neck.

“Tell me, have either of you ever heard of a spell called the ‘Seal of Pain’?” Moonwhisper asked without even bothering to look up from his tea. Moonwhisper’s tone was strangely calm, almost friendly, with the only indication that he had anything to do with Iron Shield’s condition being the dark blue glow surrounding his horn. “There’s no need to feel embarrassed if you haven’t for what it’s worth. The seal of pain is a rather obscure spell after all. It was developed by the von Umbra family during the pre-Classical era as a way to enable ponies to achieve the pain threshold necessary to use armored augmentation magic. As much as I hate to admit it, the spell itself is actually a truly remarkable bit of magical engineering. At its core, the spell works by directly stimulating all of your pain receptors simultaneously, resulting in literally the worst pain you can experience. Now, just to be clear, I’m using the term ‘literally’ in the correct manner here, as the resultant sensation is the most severe form of pain one’s nervous system is capable of processing.”

By this time Iron Shield’s face was starting to turn blue as he pounded on the bar with his front hooves in a desperate but futile effort to free himself from Moonwhisper’s grip. If Moonwhisper noticed, however, he didn’t show it, pausing just long enough to take another sip of tea before continuing on. “Now, all of that would make for a rather impressive spell on its own, but the real brilliance of the seal of pain lies in the details. For instance, normally somepony exposed to pain of that magnitude would black out in short order. To counter this, the seal provides an extra bit of stimulation to your brain so that the subject is fully awake and conscious throughout the entire process. You might also expect that somepony could eventually become inured to the sensations of the seal, acclimating to it so to speak. But no, the seal has a particularly clever way of preventing that from occurring. What the seal will do is very gradually shift the precise details of what sort of pain the subject is experiencing, going from burning to stabbing to pounding, for example. The most impressive part of all of this, though, is how the seal accomplishes all of this without inflicting any significant physical harm on the subject, with one admitted caveat.”

A lout clatter briefly interrupted Moonwhisper as Iron Shield’s struggles knocked his stool onto its side. The unfortunate pegasus was forced to start madly flapping his wings to keep the band of magical energy around his neck from turning into a noose. “If a pony is subjected to the seal of pain over an exceptionally long period of time, typically somewhere between six to twelve hours depending on their state of physical fitness, then the pony may simply drop dead. I’ve never witnessed the phenomenon myself, mind you, but from what I’ve read the subject’s nervous system simply shuts off like a candle being blown out. Now, there’s a very specific reason that I’m telling you all this. You see, I want you to understand that, when I tell you that if you ever even think of laying a hoof on Princess Twilight I will execute you in the most horrifically painful manner possible, I am NOT engaging in hyperbole. Am I making myself understood?” Iron Shield barely managed a strangled gargle in response as the other ponies in the saloon looked on in silence. “I’m going to choose to interpret that as a ‘yes’. Very well then, lesson over, you’re dismissed.” Moonwhisper’s horn flared up with a surge of magic as Iron Shield was violently tossed across the room, bouncing off several tables before crashing into the opposite wall.

“Iron, hang on, I’m comin’!” Shell Shock cried out as he rushed over to his fallen comrade.

Shining Armor watched Shell Shock try to rouse his companion for a moment before turning to Moonwhisper. “You know, what’s scary is that you actually went easier on that guy than I expected you would.”

Moonwhisper shrugged as he finished his tea. “I’ve been told my time in Ponyville has mellowed me somewhat. It’s probably for the best, as it is the encounter is going to generate at least a ream’s worth of reports and paperwork. In the meantime, I’d say this situation still warrants a bit of mopping up, don’t you?”

Shining Armor nodded his head in agreement and the two stallions advanced menacingly towards Shell Shock. “Y-you!” Shell Shock stammered as he backed away from the pair. “You can’t do this to us! It’s an…an unethical abuse of power and a violation of our rights as Equestrian citizens!”

Moonwhisper stared at Shell Shock in stunned silence for a moment before responding. “That is quite possible one of the most idiotic statements I have ever heard uttered, and I once spent a half hour listening to Pinkie Pie debate the merits of naming a confection ‘chimi-cherry’ or ‘cherry-changa’. For the record, I advised for cherry-changa as the other option was too phonetically similar to a parsley and garlic sauce.”

“Our boss is gonna get you for this,” Shell Shock continued, Moonwhisper’s casual dismissal of his argument not improving his mood. “Just you wait, when Lucerne Hammer hears about what you’ve done he’ll –“

Whatever hypothetical threat Shell Shock was about to make was cut short as he was enveloped in a magenta aura and roughly yanked up so that he was eyelevel with Shining Armor and Moonwhisper. “Who did you just say you’re working for!” Shining Armor demanded.

“That’s one of many questions we’re going to have for you, Mister Shell Shock,” Moonwhisper added coldly. “And it would be in your best interest to provide us with answers.”

Oncoming Confrontation

“So, to summarize, Lucerne Hammer has gathered together a gang of washouts and disgraced former guardsponies and has been using them to practically enslave the ponies of this village. They work the mines, Lucerne and his gang sell the ore off to Klugetown, and if anypony tries to stand up to them…” Moonwhisper let out a snort of disgust. “I find it truly remarkable I’m able to feel disappointment in somepony I thought so little to begin with.”

“Well, on the plus side at least I’m pretty sure we’ve figured out why the map sent us here,” Shining Armor suggested.

“Hopefully, but I’m not entirely convinced that’s the case. To be honest, this doesn’t really feel like a friendship problem.” Moonwhisper tapped his forehoof thoughtfully. “Regardless, however, even if it isn’t a friendship problem it is certainly a guard problem. As such, this isn’t an issue that we can afford to ignore. First things first, however, what do you suggest we do with this trash?” Moonwhisper asked as he pointed a hoof at Shell Shock. The unfortunate unicorn was shaking in terror as he tried to make himself as small as possible. “On the one hoof I’d rather not let him go scurrying back to Lucerne Hammer and alert him to our presence. On the other hoof, I imagine Lucerne will start to get suspicious if these two don’t return eventually.

“Yer right, if the boss’ second-in-command, Freezin’ Rain, so much as smells somethin’ off she’ll fly right off and report it,” Shell Shock volunteered. “She’s supposed to keep an eye on the town and report everythin’ she sees.”

“And what are the odds that this Freezing Rain has already seen us?” Shining Armor asked pointedly.

“Assuming she’s at least halfway competent at the task (which frankly I’d say is far from a guarantee), then I’d say that it’s a near certainty. We weren’t making any effort to conceal our approach on our way here, after all. Moreover, even if we haven’t been spotted yet then it’s likely only a matter of time before we are. Frankly, I’d say the best course of action would be to assume Lucerne Hammer will be aware of our presence going forward and to plan accordingly,” Moonwhisper said.

“On the plus side, that does make deciding what to do with these two easier,” Shining Armor snorted before turning to Rock Salt, who had simply watched and remained silent during the interrogation. “I don’t suppose there’s someplace in town that we could hold these two? Maybe a basement or an empty shed?”

“Ah…Ah…Ah really’d rather not get involved in all this,” Rock Salt stammered. “The two of y’all…y’all’ve seen those burnt houses out there. That’s just the start of what happens when Lucene Hammer and his gang get riled up. Ah appreciate that y’all mean to help us, but y’all are just two ponies.”

Shining Armor started to reply, only for Moonwhisper to cut him off. “While I can understand that you’re afraid to get involved with this situation I have neither the time nor the patience to argue with you on this point. I will, however, assure you of two points. First of all it is entirely likely that Lucerne Hammer will consider you to be ‘involved’ in this situation regardless of your actual actions from here on out. Secondly, and more importantly, Shining Armor and I will resolve this issue. Thoroughly and conclusively.” Moonwhisper added this last assurance with a terrible note of finality.

“Yer best bet would be one of the unused branches up in the mine,” Rock Salt finally replied after a moment’s hesitation. “We’d always meant to use ‘em for storage or some such, but we never really had the chance to put anythin’ in ‘em.”

“That should suffice as long as they’re secure,” Moonwhisper replied. “In any event I sincerely doubt Mister Shell Shock will be foolish enough to attempt to escape. Right?” Shell Shock barely managed a whimper of terror as Moonwhisper glared at him. “I’m glad we have an understanding on that issue. Now, we’re going to follow Ms. Rock Salt to your new accommodations, so pick up that trash and fall in.” Moonwhisper gestured a hoof at the unconscious form of Iron Shield as he practically spat the word trash.

As Rock Salt took the lead out the saloon door, Shining Armor pulled Moonwhisper to one side. “Look, I get that you want to get this over with as soon as possible. Believe me, I’m with you on that. But could you at least try and be a little, I don’t know, nicer to the civilians? If nothing else we’re going to need their help if we want to get a handle on this Lucerne Hammer issue, not to mention our friendship mission.”

Moonwhisper thought for a moment before nodding his head in agreement. “You’re right. I would probably be best if you took the lead in dealing with the townsponies from this point forward. If nothing else, dealing with civilians has always been your specialty anyway.”

“Fair enough,” Shining Armor said before turning to Rock Salt. “Pardon me, Rock Salt, is there any chance you could gather up the townsponies once we have these two locked up? Moonwhisper and I are going to want to talk with everypony about what we’re going to do to handle Lucerne Hammer.”

“Ah can see what Ah can do,” Rock Salt replied uneasily. “Ah just hope that the two of y’all really know what yer doin’.”

*********

“What the hay is goin’ on? Dang it, Rock Salt, this had better be important!”

“Yeah, who knows what Lucerne Hammer will do if he finds out we’ve been slackin’ off on our work?”

“Desert Rose says she saw you leadin’ a couple members of Lucerne’s gang into the mines along with some strangers. Tell me y’ didn’t do somethin’ that were all gonna regret!” The townsponies, who had all been assembled in front of Rock Salt’s saloon, continued to yell out questions for several minutes until Rock Salt was able to get them to settle down.

“Now everypony just settle down. Ah understand y’all have a load of questions, but these two stallions here are the ones y’all need to talk to.”

“Listen up! My name is Captain Shining Armor and this is Captain Moonwhisper. We’re officers of the Royal Guard and we’re here to put an end to Lucerne Hammer’s crimes against your town.” Shining Armor’s declaration was initially met with stunned silence from the assembled ponies, followed by worried muttering. “I kinda thought they’d be a little more excited,” Shining Armor whispered to Moonwhisper. “Or at least be happy that we’re here.”

“Pardon me,” one of the assembled townsponies said as they stepped forward. “We don’t mean to be unappreciative, but what exactly do the two of you think you can do? Lucerne Hammer has over a dozen ponies in his gang and you’re just two ponies.”

“First of all, we’re not just any two ponies,” Shining Armor countered as he started to move into the crowd. “Captain Moonwhisper and I are two of the strongest unicorns in the entire Royal Guard. More importantly, though, I see a lot more than just a dozen or so ponies here. Are you all really so scared of Lucerne Hammer that you’re willing to let him keep controlling you forever? Or are you ready to stand up and say that you’re not going to take it anymore?” Murmurs of agreement began to ripple through the crowd as Shining Armor’s words struck home. “Look, I understand that you’re scared, buts that’s just what Lucerne Hammer wants. He needs you to be too scared of him to stand up for yourselves. And do you know why he needs that? Because Lucerne Hammer knows that that’s the only way he’ll be able to keep you under his control! So now’s your chance to ask yourselves are you going to just lie down and let Lucerne Hammer use you, or are you ready to stand up and let him know that he can’t push you around anymore!” It was as if Shining Armor’s words had been a spark tossed into a pile of dry kindling. The angry murmurs of the crowd swiftly increased in volume until most of the assembled ponies were shouting at the top of their lungs as they gave voice to their pent-up rage and frustration.

Moonwhisper, however, was one of the few ponies who managed to avoid getting swept up in the furor. In fact, Moonwhisper was scarcely paying attention to Shining Armor’s speech at all. Instead, Moonwhisper’s attention was focused on a dark blue speck flitting about amongst the clouds. “Well, I suppose that’s about what we expected. By the end of the day Lucerne Hammer should be fully aware that his hold on this town is in serious jeopardy. And, if my recollection of him is accurate, Lucerne Hammer’s most likely reaction will be to lash out with a show of force to reassert his control.” Moonwhisper paused his ruminations to look over to Shining Armor, who was unveiling his proposal as to how to protect the town to the townsponies. Once Shining Armor had finished relaying his plan, he trotted back over to Moonwhisper with a sizable grin on his face.

“I don’t mean to brag, but I’m pretty sure I’ve got this mission just about wrapped up,” Shining Armor boasted happily as the townsponies behind him rushed off in different directions.

“As much as I’d like to believe that I have to admit a certain level of skepticism,” Moonwhisper replied calmly. “Tell me, how exactly do you figure that you’ve ‘solved’ our designated problem?”

“Easy, it all came to me when you were browbeating Rock Salt into helping us lock up Lucerne Hammer’s two lackeys.”

Moonwhisper wrinkled his nose “Browbeating is…actually I have to admit browbeating might be the appropriate term. Proceed.”

“Uh huh. Anyway, that’s when I realized what the problem we’re here to solve is. These townsponies are so beaten down they’ve completely forgotten how to stand up for themselves. So, what we need to do is teach them how to stand on their own four hooves while getting rid of Lucerne Hammer.”

“Is that so? Perhaps we should have brought five or so additional mercenaries with us to assist,” Moonwhisper replied sarcastically.

“Hah! So you read those pulp westerns too!”

“I’m familiar with some of the classics,” Moonwhisper snorted. “That, however, is a conversation for another day. At the moment what’s important is making sure your self-confidence festival doesn’t backfire. I’m fairly certain I say a pegasus observing the town before flying off, and assuming that was the Freezing Rain we’ve heard about then we can assume Lucerne Hammer to respond soon.”

“That just means we should be able to wrap this up that much quicker. So, out of curiosity about how high would you say this pegasus was flying?” Shining Armor asked.

“I’d say about cloud-level,” Moonwhisper said. “Why do you ask?”

“I’m just trying to figure the odds that Lucerne Hammer is going to know that were here specifically. If that really was his spy watching us from that high up then I’m willing to bet she wouldn’t have been able to pick us out from the crowd.”

“Perhaps,” Moonwhisper said after a moment’s pause. “On the other hoof, I’ve known pegasi with rather incredible distance vision. It’s entirely possible that Lucerne Hammer is already aware we’re here.”

*********

“Of rutting course, we would get a couple of wannabe heroes in town the day those idiots Iron Shield and Shell Shock go in to check on things,” Freezing Rain seethed as she flew through the air back to the gang’s headquarters. “I’ll bet that moron Iron Shield decided to throw his weight around and that’s what clued our ‘guests’ in that something was up. Speaking of whom, I wonder wo the hay those two were. They sure as hay didn’t look like the usual vagrants we get around here, and I swear the dark one was watching me.” Freezing Rain shook her head. “Get it together filly, it was just your imagination. Just focus on reporting the situation to the boss and let him deal with it.”

Freezing Rain continued to mutter to herself all the way back to the abandoned ranch that Lucerne Hammer had appropriated as his gang’s hideout. Once she was satisfied that she was near enough to the main farmhouse Freezing Rain plummeted to the ground with an earthshaking thud before trotting straight into the house. The three stallions that had been lounging about on the home’s porch immediately leapt out of the way as Freezing Rain strode past, knowing from painful experience that the mare wasn’t to be bothered when delivering news. It didn’t take Freezing Rain long to locate Lucerne Hammer, who had furnished himself a makeshift meeting room in the home’s former dining room.

“-but we can talk to the mole about that once the mine’s been completely played out. No point in gutting the golden goose until it’s laid its last egg,” Lucerne Hammer let out an ugly laugh that was nervously echoed by the sycophants surrounding him. “In the meantime, we need a better place to stash our profits. Snow Blind, I’m gonna want you to head out to Las Pegasus and talk to a couple guys I know about making an investment.”

“Ahem,” Freezing Rain cleared her throat as she stood in the doorway, causing most of the ponies within to fall silent. “I’m sorry to interrupt your business planning, but we have a situation in town that needs to be dealt with.”

Lucerne Hammer let out a sigh as he leaned back in his chair. “Lemme guess, Iron Shield couldn’t keep his hooves to himself and now the townsponies are re-growing their spines. You don’t need to bother me with this horseapples, just grab five or six guys and remind the stupid yokels who owns them.” Lucerne Hammer paused for a moment before continuing. “And when you’re done with that, I want you to beat the hay out of Iron Shield for me. If he wants to pull this wannabe stud business than he can do it on his own time. We lose too much productivity everything we have to beat the town back down after he finds some new way of ticking them off. And where the hay is Shell Shock? I thought the little weasel was tagging along so Iron Shield wouldn’t try pulling this again.”

“Shell Shock has been locked up in the mines along with Iron Shield,” Freezing Rain replied coldly. “They were put there by a pair of unicorn stallions who arrived in town today. Said unicorns are currently rallying the town to defend themselves against us, and more impressively the town actually appears to be listening to them.”

“So we’re dealing with a couple of outsiders then,” Lucerne Hammer sighed before an evil grin spread across his features. “Rut me, I might have something to sell to the mole sooner than I thought. Alright, so what do these party crashers look like? Are we dealing with a couple of vagrants who want to play hero, some wandering settlers or…?”

“There weren’t in uniform, but given their physical builds and the fact that they both had shield Cutie Marks so I wouldn’t rule out their being part of the guard. Neither had the usual coat and mane colors, though. One had a while coat with a blue mane while the other had a black coat with a white mane. I was too far away to get any more details than that, and I didn’t want to try getting any closer since I’m pretty sure the black-coated one had spotted me. So, how do you want to handle – boss, are you alright?” Freezing Rain asked, suddenly concerned.

Lucerne Hammer, however, didn’t appear to be paying attention. “There’s no way, it can’t possibly be those two. Why the hay would they even be here? It doesn’t make any sense. On the other hoof it’s too much of a coincidence for it not to be them, which means it might be them, it probably is them, it is them, he’s here…RUT!” Lucerne Hammer roared in frustrated rage as he slammed his hooves into the table, breaking it in two. “Just when we’ve got everything running smoothly that prissy bastard and his pet freak of nature show up!”

Most of the other ponies present recoiled back in fear, Lucerne Hammer’s volatile temper being a well-known hazard. The one exception was Freezing Rain herself, who remained right where she stood with a bored expression on her face until Lucerne Hammer’s rage appeared to have run its course. “I take it you recognize the descriptions then?”

“Shining Armor and Moonwhisper,” Lucerne Hammer growled through tightly clenched teeth. A ripple of rear seemed to pass through the room as Lucerne Hammer uttered the names of two of the most well-known unicorns in the Equestrian Guard.

“Wait, did he say Shining Armor? As in Prince Shining Armor, Princess Cadance’s husband? I heard that guy’s powerful enough to bubble an entire city by himself!”

“Rut Shining Armor, did you hear who’s with him? The freaking Warhorse of the Apocalypse! If even half of the stuff I’ve heard about that guy is true…”

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Lucerne Hammer yelled, silencing his panicking underlings. “First of all, Shining Armor isn’t the problem. In case any of you half-wits have forgotten, the only thing that pampered little rich colt has done since making captain is get his hindquarters handed to him. If it comes down to it, I can grind the little pansy’s face into the dirt myself.” Murmurs of relief began circulating throughout the room as Lucerne Hammer’s self-aggrandizement had its desired effect. “The real problem we have is that freak of nature the prince brought with him. That one we need to be very careful with.”

“So what the hay are you suggesting?” Freezing Rain asked. It was extremely rare for Lucerne Hammer to show anything remotely resembling caution even in the face of obvious danger. Normally it would have been up to Freezing Rain herself to act a s the voice of reason whenever Lucerne Hammer’s temper or ego got the best of him.

“I’m ‘suggesting’ we’re going to need to figure out a way to get rid of those two without actually fighting them head on. As much as I’d enjoy rearranging that prissy wuss Shining Armor’s face it wouldn’t be worth risking tangling with his pet psycho. Luckily, I already have a plan to do just that. See, if we make it look like we’re cutting our losses, then our pair of visitors should pat themselves on the backs and go away. After all, bleeding this town might be a pretty good racket, but it wouldn’t last forever even if nopony had started poking around.” Lucerne Hammer rose from his chair and pointed a hoof at one of his assembled lackeys. “You, Thunderhead, tell everypony to grab their stuff and get ready to move out.”

“So, that’s it then?” Freezing Rain asked coldly as Thunderhead rushed past her out the door. “Funny I never took you for the type to just run away at the first sign of trouble.’

“Who said anything about just running away?” Lucerne Hammer replied with an evil grin. “We’re gonna clear out of here, sure, but before we go we’re gonna teach that stupid little cesspool of a village why they should’ve kept their mouths shut. Tonight, you and the rest of our pegasi are gonna fly out over the village and drop firebombs on it until the whole place is toast.”

“You want us to what?” Freezing Rain asked, unable to hide the shock in her voice.

“Burn the place to the ground. Shining and the freak will be too busy fighting fires to even think about chasing after us. By the time those two would even be able to think about chasing us down we’d all be long gone. Then, once they’ve gone back to wherever the rut they come from we roll right back in and go back to running things.” Lucerne Hammer burst out laughing at his own cleverness. “If I know those mudhoof hicks they’ll go right back to rebuilding the place as soon as they get the chance.”

Freezing Rain considered Lucerne Hammer’s plan. It certainly could work, particularly since settler ponies were infamously stubborn about remaining on the land they’ve settled. On the other hoof, roughing up the occasional troublemaker or wrecking their homes was a far cry from burning down an entire town. Freezing Rain wasn’t particularly overburdened by morals, but even she would have trouble sleeping at night after such an act. “If you expect me to go along with this then you’re going to need to pay me triple what I’m getting already.”

“Done,” Lucerne Hammer replied without a moment’s hesitation.

“Alright then, we’ll fly out a couple hours after midnight. I’ll tell the colts to pull together every incendiary device we have.” With that, Freezing Rain turned and marched off to locate her subordinates and prepare them for the night’s raid, smiling faintly to herself all the while. After all, in Freezing Rain’s experience bits made for an excellent sleep aid.

*********

“Now, once we have the barricades fully set up I’m going to want everypony together in the center of town so we can go over what to do if Lucerne Hammer comes,” Shining Armor called out. The change that had overtaken the townsponies over the course of the past several hours was nothing short of incredible as far as Shining Armor concerned. As badly as Lucerne Hammer had beaten the townsponies down, all it had taken was a few words of encouragement to revive their spirits. “Now, if I could just get Moonwhisper to help out with this then we’d really be all net,” Shining Armor muttered to himself. “It’s one thing if he doesn’t want to be social, but he’d be a lot more help if he was doing something other than skulking around the edge of the village.” Letting out a sigh of exasperation, Shining Armor left the villagers to their preparations and trotted off to find Moonwhisper. “It’s a good thing Moonwhisper always wears that beret with his insignia pin on it. Now if I can just remember have that tracking spell goes…” Shining Armor closed his eyes to concentrate as he cast a spell to locate the insignia of any nearby guard officers. After a moment a magenta glow began to emanate form the tip of his horn, pulling him towards the edge of the village.

Shining Armor soon found Moonwhisper, apparently hiding in the underbrush near one of the abandoned homes at the edge of town. Grinning mischievously to himself, Shining Armor dropped low to the ground and stealthily crept towards Moonwhisper. Once Shining Armor judged himself to be close enough, he shot up like a coiled spring. Shining Armor’s sneak attack fell apart somewhat, however, as he found himself suspended mid-leap in a dark blue field of magic. “After tow years in the academy together you’d think you’d realize the futility of trying to sneak up on me,” Moonwhisper said in harsh whisper as he lowered Shining Armor back to the ground. “Now, try and keep quiet, I’m trying to follow a potential…let’s call it a complication.” Sensing Shining Armor’s confused expression Moonwhisper gestured towards another abandoned home nearby.

“What the hay are you – hold on, I think I just saw something move in the bushes over there,” Shining Armor said as his eyes honed in on a few shaking leaves.

“Adolescent earth pony male, he’s been slowly making his way out of town for the last half-hour or so,” Moonwhisper replied softly. “And, given his efforts to remain unseen and the lack of other known possibilities in the general area, in all likelihood his intended destination is -“

“You think he’s planning on running off to warn Lucerne Hammer about us?” Shining Armor asked incredulously. “Why the hay haven’t you stopped him yet?”

“Two reasons. One, I didn’t want to confront a civilian youth with accusations like that until I was absolutely certain of what he was doing. Two, I’m not the only one who’s been following the subject.” As Moonwhisper spoke, a yellow-orange blur launched itself out of the shadows nearby and crashed into the colt Moonwhisper had been following. The colt and his assailant tumbled into the street where they managed to separate after a brief scuffle.

“Dang it, Clay Pit! Just where the hay do y’ think yer goin’ sneakin’ off like that?” The interloper, a yellow-orange coated colt about the same age as the first demanded.

“Stay out of this, Sandstone,” Clay Pit growled. “I don’t have time to deal with you right now.”

“The hay y’ don’t! Yer plannin’ on runnin’ off to Lucerne Hammer’s gang to warn them about what’s goin’ on, aren’t y’?” Sandstone accused angrily. “What in Equestria are y’ thinkin’? Our village finally has a chance to climb out from under Lucerne Hammer’s hoof and yer just gonna toss it away. Ah’d’ve thought y’ of all ponies would want that, ‘specially after what happened to –“

“YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!” Clay Pit yelled. “I’m doing what’s best for the village, even if the rest of you are too stupid to see that. Do you honestly think two random unicorns that just showed up out of nowhere are really going to be able to make any difference against Lucerne Hammer and his goons?”

“Actually, I’d say our odds of being able to resolve the issue are exceedingly favorable.” Clay Pit found himself lifted into the air by a dark blue aura as Moonwhisper trotted into view. “Captain Shining Armor, I’d like to have a word with this colt in private. Would you mind taking Mister Sandstone back to the village?”

Shining Armor looked from Moonwhisper to Clay Pit and back to Moonwhisper again with a concerned expression on his face. “Are you sure you should…I mean, he’s just a…” Shining Armor let out a deep sigh. “Alright, I’ll see you back at the village. Come on, kid, let’s leave Moonwhisper to it.” Before Sandstone could utter a word of protest Shining Armor pulled him away and started trotting back towards the village.

The pair walked in silence for a minute or so before Sandstone finally mustered the courage to speak up. “Excuse me, Mister Shining Armor, sir? What’s goin’ to happen to mah friend Clay Pit? He ain’t a bad pony, not really, he’s just had a hard time of things since Lucerne Hammer’s gang came ‘round.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much. I know Moonwhisper can come off as, well, a nasty grump sometimes, but there really is a good pony deep down underneath all that. And, believe it or not, Moonwhisper actually is kinda of a softy when it comes to foals, so he’ll probably just give your friend a chewing out and leave it at that,” Shining Armor said. A few moments of awkward silence passed before Shining Armor spoke up again. “So, that Clay Pit’s a friend of yours? You two didn’t really seem all that friendly to me.”

“We used to be friends, anyway, but Clay Pit just ain’t been the same ever since Lucerne Hammer came ‘round here,” Sandstone replied sadly.

“Yeah, you mentioned he’s been having a hard time because of that. What happened, exactly?” Shining Armor asked.

“Well, Clay Pit’s pa was the town sheriff back before the gang took over, or at least he was the closest thing we had to one. Things were pretty peaceful back then so he didn’t have to do all that much, just settlin’ the occasional argument mostly. That…changed when Lucerne Hammer arrived. When Clay Pit’s pa tried standin’ up to Lucerne’s gang they made the whole village watch while Lucerne Hammer beat him so bad he couldn’t even walk fer days. Then, they pulled his whole family out into the street before burning their home down.” Sandstone clenched his teeth as he recalled the event. “Ever since then Clay Pit’s been mean as a rattler, ‘specially anytime somepony brings up actually fightin’ back, but Ah never though he’d actually do somethin’ like tryin’ to rat us all out. Ah just wish Ah could figure out why he’s lettin’ himself get all twisted up inside like that.”

“Everypony tends to deal with stuff like that a bit different, and some ponies just don’t know how to handle it well,” Shining Armor replied thoughtfully. “I know Twilight would say that friendship is always worth fighting for no matter what, but I’m not sure how much that’ll help in your case.”

“It ain’t decidin’ whether to fight that’s the issue so much as wishin’ Ah knew whether there was somethin’ to fight fer at all,” Sandstone replied. “Sometimes with the way Clay Pit carries on Ah wonder if we were ever really friends to start with.”

Shining Armor let out a sad sigh. “I wish there was something I could tell you that would make it all make sense, but I honestly haven’t figured that sort of thing out myself. I can tell you this, though. If Clay Pit really is your friend then the best thing you can do for him is to stick by him until he manages to work through whatever’s gotten to him.”

“Y’really think so?” Sandstone asked hopefully.

“Well, it worked out pretty well in my case,” Shining Armor replied. “For the most part, anyway.”

*********

“This should do adequately,” Moonwhisper said as he shoved his way through the broken remnants of the front door of one of the abandoned homes and trotted inside. Floating directly behind Moonwhisper was Clay Pit, encased in Moonwhisper’s dark blue magical aura. The adolescent colt was doing his best to maintain a façade of brave defiance, but the look in his eyes betrayed his mounting terror. “Alright then,” Moonwhisper said as he casually tossed Clay Pit to the floor. “Explain yourself.”

“I…I was just doing what I had to. For the village.” Clay Pit said as he struggled to keep the fear out of his voice. “I thought that if Lucerne Hammer knew that you two tricked everypony into trying to go against him –“

“Tricked you? Shining Armor couldn’t trick his infant daughter into a bathtub,” Moonwhisper snorted, slightly bemused. “The village plans on standing up to Lucerne Hammer because they want to.”

“No! They’re doing it because you’ve tricked them into thinking they have a chance!” Clay Pit yelled back. “You don’t know what they’re like, what his gang can to ponies…”

“On the contrary, I know exactly what they’re capable of, both in terms of combat capabilities and nonexistent morals. The intelligence provided by Shell Shock was quite thorough in that regard. I assure you, Captain Shining Armor and I are more than capable of dismantling Lucerne Hammer’s little syndicate.”

“Then why haven’t you done it already? You’re royal guards, aren’t you? Isn’t it your job to protect us? So where were you when they…” A ragged sob tore its way out of Clay Pit’s throat as tears streamed unbidden down his face. “Why didn’t you protect us?”

Nearly a full minute passed as Moonwhisper looked down at the sobbing colt in stone-faced silence. “On that point, you’re absolutely correct,” Moonwhisper finally replied softly. “The guard has failed your village on countless levels, and for that I have no excuses. All I can offer is a promise that we will put an end to what Lucerne Hammer is doing.”

“Feh, now you’re starting to sound like that half-wit Sandstone,” Clay Pit grumbled as he looked away. “Always going on about how he’s going to fight back and free the village. That stupid idiot doesn’t have a clue about what Lucerne Hammer does to ponies who try and fight back.”

“Odd, Shell Shock had led me to believe that Lucerne Hammer’s retaliatory beatings and property destruction were always witnessed by the entire town to maximize their deterrence value,” Moonwhisper said.

“It’s one thing to watch when somepony else’s home gets destroyed and another when it’s happening to you,” Clay Pit retorted bitterly. “Sandstone’s dad was smart and didn’t try and fight back when Lucerne Hammer took over. The gang even let him keep running the general store as long as he keeps his head down and does what he’s told.”

“So you resent Sandstone for pursuing an overly idealistic path without having any personal understanding of what the cost of that idealism can be,” Moonwhisper said.

“I…guess,” Clay Pit replied. “Its just, if Sandstone keeps on pushing things, he’s going to provoke Lucerne Hammer into coming down on himself and maybe even the rest of town as well.”

“Why not let him?” Moonwhisper asked pointedly. “If your primary complaint towards Sandstone is that he hasn’t personally experienced the consequences of opposing Lucerne Hammer then why not simply stand aside? There is something to the belief that the best way to teach a foal to avoid a hot stove is to let them burn their hoof, after all.”

“What? No!” Clay Pit cried out in horror. “Sandstone’s my friend, I don’t want him to have to go through that, I just want him to understand…”

“You want him to comprehend the fact that there could be consequences for his actions, consequences that you’re all too familiar with,” Moonwhisper stated, to which Clay Pit could only nod. “Furthermore, it would appear that your frustration with your friend’s inability to appreciate what you perceive as his own good fortune is leading you to lash out at him rather than actually talk to him about what’s truly bothering you.”

“I…it’s just…I think I need to talk to my friend,” Clay Pit said quietly as he stared down at the floor.

“That would probably be the best course of action,” Moonwhisper replied firmly. “Now, given that you failed to actually accomplish anything…untoward, I’m willing to overlook your abortive attempt to warn Lucerne Hammer about the presence of Captain Shining Armor and myself. Going forward, however, I would strongly advise you to leave things to us. You’re dismissed.” A visibly relieved Clay Pit promptly scurried out of the house, leaving Moonwhisper muttering quietly to himself. “Leave things to us…just leave everything to us…” Moonwhisper let out a deep sigh. “I need to talk to Shining Armor.” Moonwhisper turned to leave, when suddenly he paused as a thought struck him. Craning his neck over his withers, Moonwhisper glanced back at his flank, only to turn back with a snort of disappointment. “Of course it wouldn’t have been that simple.”

*********

Moonwhisper found Shining Armor walking several of the villagers through some basic drills, with various bits of mining and farming equipment having been drafted into service as armaments. “Ok troops, that’s a…good effort. Remember to keep a firm grip on your weapons, and could somepony give Mr. Quarry a hoof?” Shining Armor shook his head as he watched a pair of ponies extract a third form the wreckage of a rain barrel. “Well, I guess it could be worse.”

“Shining Armor, may I have a word with you?” Moonwhisper asked as he approached his fellow captain.

“Of course,” Shining Armor snorted to himself. “I mean, of course you can, sure! What did you want to talk about?”

Moonwhisper was silent for a moment as he looked out over the villagers and their attempts at training. “Shining Armor, what are we doing her exactly?”

“What do you mean? We’re trying to solve the problem Twily’s map sent us here to deal with,” Shining Armor replied.

“By turning this village into an armed camp? By teaching a collection of peaceful civilians how to flail about ineffectually with makeshift weapons?” Moonwhisper asked accusingly.

“Well how do you think we should help them, then?” Shining Armor shot back. “You’re not seriously suggesting we just leave things the way they are right now?”

“No, I’m suggesting we stop making asses of ourselves and do our jobs! We’re members of the Royal Guard for Celestia’s sake! Our responsibility is to deal with threats like Lucerne Hammer so they don’t have to!” Breathing heavily, Moonwhisper took a moment to calm himself before continuing. “What I mean is that we should deal with the issue ourselves. There’s neither a need nor any real benefit to having the villagers attempt to mount an actual defense.”

“Are you sure we’re not supposed to teach them to fight for –“ Shining Armor’s question was interrupted by the sound of one of his more over-eager pupils smashing the side of a nearby house with a pick. “Ok, yeah, these ponies should leave fighting to professionals. So, what’s the plan?”

“Simple, tonight the two of us are going to pay Lucerne Hammer’s hideout a visit. At which point we shall break every bone in that miserable cretin’s body,” Moonwhisper added harshly.

“Not that beating the tar out of that jerk doesn’t sound like a blast, but are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, according to Shell Shock Lucerne has a pretty decent-sized gang,” Shining Armor cautioned.

“The two of us against Lucerne Hammer and a dozen or so of his flunkies…those are rather unfortunate odds, aren’t they?” Moonwhisper said before an evil grin spread across his face. “It’s a pity, if Lucerne had managed to gather another twenty or so than this might have approached an even fight.”

Consequences

“Are we really gonna do this?” an olive green pegasus stallion asked as he loaded his saddlebacks with thick ceramic bottles. “I mean, shoving around a bunch of villagers around is one thing, but burning the entire place down?”

“I don’t want to hear it, Gust Front,” Freezing Rain snapped. “Lucerne Hammer’s the one paying us and if he says we burn the whole place down then the place is getting burned down. You don’t like it you can go back to roughing up drunks in Las Pegasus. And that goes for the rest of you, too! Lucerne Hammer pays us good bits to get our hooves dirty and he’s giving us a rut-ton more than usual to get this taken care of. You all knew what kind of job this was when signed up for it, so I don’t want to hear any crying about how any of you have suddenly grown a conscience!”

“Look, ma’am,” a lean, jet black mare said. “This isn’t just about morality here.”

“Then what is it, Squall Line?” Freezing Rain replied irritably.

“Just from a practical standpoint, if we do this then there won’t be a town anymore for us to extort, and then what? Frankly I’m not really sure that Lucerne Hammer has thought this whole plan of his through.” Murmurs of agreement started to ripple through the assembled pegasi as Squall Line continued. “Besides, we already know the princesses are going to hear about what we’ve been doing once those guard captains report back. If we do this, they’re going to come after us with everything they’ve go. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I don’t like the idea of being hunted down by every guard they can spare so they can toss me in Nightgate. Personally, I say that if Lucerne Hammer is so afraid of these guards that he wants to cut and run then maybe we should flap off and let him deal with things himself.”

Freezing Rain clenched here teeth as she tried to think of a response. Truthfully, she had been questioning Lucerne Hammer’s attempts at leadership for some time, but up until now the pay had been sufficient to assuage any concerns. This time, however, Freezing Rain had to wonder if Squall Line was right about whether they were going to far. “Look, I’ll admit it’s starting to look like Hammer’s coming apart at the seams, but for what he’s paying I can put up with a little crazy. So, we’re going to get this job done, get paid and if things really are screwed up beyond repair then we can talk about cutting our losses. And as for keeping out muzzles clean let me remind you that that cloud flew past a long time ago. Each and every one of you has done more than enough to have earned a nice long stay in the dungeons of wherever the princesses decide to banish you to as is.” Freezing Rain looked out across the desolate ranch towards their target and let out a sigh. “Anyway, I want all of you to finish getting your stuff together so we can get this over with. I want to be airborne before that fog bank over there rolls in.”

“What fog – Sweet Celestia!” Gust Front cried out in alarm. What could only be described as a roiling cloud of utter pitch darkness was rapidly approaching the edge of the ranch. “That’s not any fog I’ve ever seen before. What the rut is goin’ on?”

“Aw hay, it’s comin’ in fast, everypony brace yourselves!” Squall Line yelled. Sure enough, the black fog swiftly engulfed the ranch house as though it were an avalanche of pure darkness. The guttering lights from the farmhouse somehow were able to keep the wisps of darkness at bay for the moment, but everything even a single hoofstep past the porch railing was shrouded in total darkness. “What in the name of Tartarus is this stuff? It sure as hay isn’t fog.”

“Alright, everypony calm down!” Freezing Rain yelled out in an effort to get ahold of the situation. “Whatever’s going on we’re not going to deal with it by running around like a bunch of scared foals.” As she spoke, Freezing Rain approached the cloud of dark and waved her wings into it. “Weird, I can’t feel anything, so it’s definitely not fog. Gust Front, I want you to fly up and see if you can tell how big an area this stuff is covering.”

“Are you crazy? I’m not flying out in this stuff. You want recon intel on this tat bad you fly out there!” Gust Front said as he backed away from the porch edge. “My grandmare used to tell me stories about horse apples like this. I mean, this is the sort of stuff you hear the princesses dealing with.”

“Oh for Celestia’s sake you worthless gelding, grow a pair and – wait, do you hear that?” Freezing Rain cut her tirade short as she motioned for the rest of her flyers to be silent. Listening carefully, Freezing Rain could just barely make out a stead jangling noise emanating from somewhere out in the darkness as though somepony were rattling chains with each of their hoofsteps. More concerningly, the noise seemed to slowly but steadily drawing nearer to the farmhouse. “Alright fillies and colts, look alive. It sounds like we have a visitor,” Freezing Rain said, hoping that painting their adversary as a mundane enemy would forestall any further panic.

Such hopes did not survive for long, however, as the sound of the chains was soon joined by a low, monotone voice. “Hush now, quiet now…It’s time to lay your sleepy head…”

“Okay, this has officially jumped straight from weird to full on freaky as all Tartarus,” Squall Line said as she shivered at the sounds of the droning lullaby.

“Oh come one, Squall, I think Freezing Rain’s right,” Gust Front said as he moved closer to the edge of the darkness. “I mean, shaking chains and creepy singing? This is just those stupid villagers trying to –“ Gust Front’s bravado abruptly fled a dark blue chain shot out form the darkness and wrapped itself around his neck. Moments later, he was violently pulled into the shadows, crying out in blind panic. While the unnatural darkness made it impossible for the rest of the pegasi to see what was happening to their comrade, his screaming remaining audible for several seconds until it was suddenly cut off and replaced with an eerie silence.

“Hush now, quiet now…It’s time to go to bed…” Any remote hope Freezing Rain had that she’d be able to keep control over her subordinates completely vanished at that point. The assembled pegasi promptly attempted to fly off in all directions in a blind panic, despite Freezing Rain’s desperate calls to hold firm. Not helping matters were the jangling sounds of chains lashing out in the dark and the panicked screams of their victims as they were pulled out of the sky to some unknown fate.

“Okay, no. This is where I draw the line. There aren’t enough bits in Equestria for me to deal with a creepy lullaby singing chain monster.” With that, Freezing Rain bolted into the sky herself as she twisted and darted through the air in an effort to evade capture. “I’m just going to pick a direction and fly until I find some nice little podunk village where I can lie low until all of this just blows over.” Freezing Rain continued to mutter to herself even as she breached the clouds of darkness to view a magenta-tinged night sky. She had little time to ponder this strange sight before a blue chain shot out of the darkness and wrapped itself around Freezing Rain’s barrel. Moments later Freezing Rain felt herself jerked straight down into the darkness until she slammed into the ground with enough force to knock the air from her lungs. As Freezing Rain struggled to free herself, however, she heard a voice right beside her.

“Drifting…off to sleep…the exciting day behind you.” A heavy hoof slammed down onto Freezing Rain’s head, sending her crashing back down to the ground unconscious. “Drifting…off to sleep…let the joy of daylight find you…”

*********

A minute or two later, Freezing Rain was levitated out of the cloud of darkness engulfing a substantial portion of the ranch, still unconscious and now tightly bound and gagged. Moments later she was unceremoniously tossed next to a pile of her compatriots, all likewise restrained. “And that makes eight…or is it nine now? I stopped counting after the first five or so. Could somepony get me a headcount on how may of Lucerne’s flunkies we have so far?” Shining Armor asked.

“That one makes ten in total, actually,” one of the villagers who had accompanied Shining Armor named Rock Quarry answered. “And I’m fairly certain that last one was Freezing Rain, Lucerne Hammer’s second-in-command.” A moment of quiet passed before Rock Quarry spoke up again. “I hope you don’t take any offense at this, but your friend, Captain Moonwhisper…I’m just really glad he’s on our side, you know?”

“Don’t worry, I totally get where you’re coming from,” Shining Armor assured him as he glanced uneasily at the darkness Moonwhisper had conjured. “To be honest, a lot of the time he scares me a little, too.” Even as Shining Armor spoke, his mind drifted back to the conversation he and Moonwhisper had had regarding Moonwhisper’s plan for dealing with Lucerne Hammer’s gang.

*********

“You’re going to cast what?” Shining Armor practically screamed in disbelief.

“The spell is called ‘Fog of Shadows’, its on early iteration of the spell Twilight described Sombra used against the Crystal Empire when it returned. It won’t have the litany of magical effects the variant he used during that incident did, but it should make for excellent cover,” Moonwhisper said.

“Yeah, but – that’s not the point!” Shining Armor sputtered. “Why do you even know a spell like that?”

“Honestly, it stems from a suggestion from my therapist, something about taking control of what my heritage means to me,” Moonwhisper said, using an inflection for ‘heritage’ that most ponies would have reserved for terms like ‘projectile vomit’. “The general idea is that if I can wrest some positive value from Sombra’s old spell research it may help with some of my lingering issues. Twilight’s been a huge help in that regard, there are whole sections I wouldn’t have been able to make heads or tails of otherwise. Plus, there is a certain charm to our late-night study sessions…”

“Alright! Fine, you’ll use that creepy shadow spell for cover, then what?” Shining Armor cried out as desperately fought to suppress any unwanted mental images.

“Once the farmhouse is completely engulfed, you’ll put up a barrier over the ranch to keep in any stragglers that manage to get by me in the initial confusion.”

“Are you sure about that? A barrier like what your suggesting isn’t mean to withstand attacks from the inside. Even my strongest wouldn’t be able to hold up to a concentrated assault from the wrong side,” Shining Armor said.

“I’m well aware of that, but I wouldn’t need it to withstand any sort of serious attack. All I would need would be for it slow down anypony who slips by me long enough for us to deal with them,” Moonwhisper said.

“Okay, well that I can do. Is all this really necessary, though? It just seems like it’s a but much when you could probably just rush in and take down the whole group by yourself,” Shining Armor said.

“True, but my main concern is preventing any of our targets from escaping. The last thing we need is for a group of them to evade capture and then return to cause trouble after we’ve gone. To prevent that we’ll keep them disoriented and contained until the operation is complete. With any luck, we should be able to wrap this up without any major issues.”

*********

Back in the present, a few of the captured pegasi had started to regain consciousness and none were too happy about their predicament. “You miserable stinking pack of hicks! Do you have any idea what Lucerne Hammer’s going to do to-” The pegasus’ ranting was abruptly cut short as a magenta beam of magical energy struck the dirt next to him, leaving a smoking hole in the ground.

“That’s enough out of you!” Shining Armor growled as he stood over the now cowering pegasus. “Your days of harassing these villagers are officially over. And as for Lucerne Hammer…” An earsplitting crash ripped through the air as several large pieces of what was formerly the farmhouse’s porch were launched out of the cloud of darkness, landing several yards away. “He’s still stuck in there with that.”

While Shining Armor basked in the raw terror his fellow captain’s display had caused, another pony was watching the scene with grim satisfaction. “I can’t believe it,” Clay Pit said to himself as he peeked out behind a nearby boulder. “They’ve already got half the gang tied up like bales of hay. They…they’re really going to take down Lucerne Hammer.” Clay Pit turned his attention to the cloud of shadows, from which the sounds of panicked yelling and wood being ripped apart could still be heard. “I’ve got to see this for myself. I want to see the look on that piece of scum’s face when he finally realizes he’s going to pay for everything he’s done.” With a snort of determination, Clay Pit crept out from his hiding spot and began making his way into the darkness before him.

*********

“What the hay is he doing now?”

“Who cares, help me barricade the door before he breaks it down!” The interior of Lucerne Hammer’s hideout was a flurry of panicked activity as his remaining followers realized what was happening. Lucerne Hammer himself was storming through the farmhouse in a rage as he looked for a way out.

“How the hay did he manage to take out Freezing Rain and every rutting one of her pegasi?” Lucerne raged.

“He snuck up on them with some sort of dark…cloud-” the unfortunate flunky Lucerne Hammer was interrogating found himself interrupted by the sound of glass shattering as tendrils of darkness pushed themselves through the farmhouse’s front windows. “That stuff! And now he’s gonna do to us whatever he did to Freezing Rain!”

Lucerne Hammer tossed the panicking pony aside as he quickly assessed the situation. “Alright, I want everypony to pile as much junk in front of the door as we can. It won’t keep that freakshow out forever, but it should slow him down and while he’s busy with that we’ll sneak out the backdoor. He may be dangerous, but that psycho’s still just one pony.”

“Um, boss,” a pale unicorn said nervously. “That’s not gonna be possible.”

“You wanna run that by me again, Snowblind?” Lucerne Hammer growled.

“It’s just, the back door got completely blocked when that guy tore out the supports for the porch. Right now the front door’s the only way in or out.”

“Clever son of a nag,” Lucerne Hammer muttered as he glanced out one of the front windows. The wisps of darkness on the porch were just thin enough that a lone figure could be made out pacing back and forth across the porch. “Okay, new plan! I want the lot of you to keep piling whatever you can in front of the door and windows. The stupid freak’s basically told us where he’s coming in, so we’re not gonna make things easy for him. While you’re doing that, I’m gonna head upstairs and get a little surprise ready for our guest, something I’ve been holding onto in case something like this happened.” The assembled gang members chuckled evilly and nudged each other at their leader’s declaration. Of course Lucerne Hammer would already have some underhoofed trick up his sleeve that would turn the tide and eliminate this new threat. In truth, Lucerne Hammer did in fact have a plan to deal with the situation. Namely, sneaking away as fast as he could. “Those halfwits aren’t good for much, but they should at least buy me enough time to put some distance believe and that ting. I just have to climb out one of the back windows on the second floor. Then I’ll head to the barn on the far end of the ranch and wait for my chance to make a break for Klugetown.

*********

“Alright, I think I’ve given them just about enough time to stew in terror,” Moonwhisper said to himself. The occasional glance through the front windows had confirmed Moonwhisper’s prediction that Lucerne Hammer’s forces had focused their efforts entirely on reinforcing the font door against his attack. “A sound strategy, given their circumstances,” Moonwhisper though as he encased himself in his armored augmentation spell. “But, ultimately a futile effort.” With that Moonwhisper spun around and delivered a double-hoofed buck to the wall next to the front door, obliterating it in a shower of splintered wood. Moonwhisper quickly turned around to face the chaotic scene inside as he dismissed his augmentation spell. There would be no further need for it, after all.

Within the farmhouse, things had descended into complete anarchy as those able to process what had just happened struggled to decide whether to flee or put up some sort of resistance. Snowblind, who had been trying to doing more furniture in from some of the back rooms, frantically tried to rally the gang towards the latter objective. “Come on, you rutting geldings, pile on him. You heard what the boss said, he’s only on pony!” Despite his best efforts, however, Snowblind found his exhortations undercut by the violent crash of one of his fellow gang members being thrown into the wall next to him.

“Speaking of your ‘boss’, where is Lucerne Hammer? I was hoping to have a chat with him about his recent business venture,” Moonwhisper said calmly as he made his way across the room. Despite the placidity of the expression on Moonwhisper’s face his horn was flaring with power as the various gang-members present were magically tossed about and smashed into whatever hard surface was closest. Terrified, Snowblind attempted to turn and flee, only to feel something grab one of his back legs and slam him into a wall. “Leaving so soon?” Moonwhisper growled as he continued to press forward. “Not before you answer one, very simple question. Where. Is. Lucerne. Hammer?”

*********

“Damn it to rutting Tartarus!” Moonwhisper swore as he rushed out of the farmhouse, dispelling his magically conjured darkness as he went. After interrogating Snowblind Moonwhisper had rushed upstairs to find that Lucerne’s surprise had involved him jumping out a second story window and fleeing into the night. “I don’t know why I’m even remotely surprised, it makes perfect sense that Lucerne Hammer would be a coward in addition to everything else. At lease with Shining Armor’s barrier still intact I know he’s still somewhere on the ranch itself. The only question is, where?” As Moonwhisper scanned the horizon searching for potential hiding spots he heard a brief bout of shouting that was swiftly cut off in a strangled yelp. Moonwhisper bolted towards the sound at top speed, quickly closing in on the source of the yelling, which, as he drew closer was replaced by a series of sobbing cries.

Reaching the top of a small hill near a dilapidated barn at the edge of the ranch, Moonwhisper found himself staring down at the source of the commotion. “You stupid little snot-nosed brat! Did you really think I’d let you get away with that?” Lucerne Hammer raged as he savagely brought his front hooves down on a prone Clay Pit. The moment Moonwhisper came into view, however, Lucerne Hammer promptly levitated Clay Pit into the air and hid behind him. “Whoa, hey there Moonwhisper! Long time, no see. What’re you doing way out here, I heard you’d gotten some cushy post guarding a princess.”

“Let the colt go and surrender, Hammer. It’s over for you,” Moonwhisper commanded.

“You mean the racket I’ve been running around here? Yeah, I figured things were gonna fall apart as soon as I heard you and Shiny were here. How is Prince Rich Colt doing, anyway?” As Moonwhisper started to advance Lucerne Hammer interposed Clay Pit between them and twisted his leg, eliciting a squeal of pain. “Ah ah ah ah, you stay right the hay where you are and be a good little psychopath. If you try and come any closer or fire up that horn of yours, I’ll break the little bastard’s neck.”

“If you hurt him then I promise you that you won’t survive long enough to stand trial,” Moonwhisper snarled back.

“Yeah, probably, but I’ve always been more of a ‘here and now’ type. And right here, right now? I’m the one with all the leverage. So you’re just going to sit there and I’m going to take the brat here on a little walk.”

“Has it occurred to you that even if I were to permit you to run away you’ll get less than one hundred yards before smacking into Shining Armor’s barrier spell? Or should I assume that your visual acuity has degraded to the point that it matches your intellect.?” Moonwhisper added with a sneer. “I’ll tell you what; if you give up now, I’ll only break two of your legs. I’ll even let you pick which ones.”

“I’m gonna have to pass on that. And don’t worry about me and the shield. I can bust through anything Pansy Armor could come up with,” Lucerne Hammer said as he continued to back away.

Just as Moonwhisper was about to reply, however, a voice called out from the other side of the hill. “Hey, Moonwhisper! What’s going on? I heard a lot of shouting coming from over here.” Moments later, Shining Armor galloped over the hill towards Moonwhisper. “I’m having the villagers tie up what’s left of Lucerne Hammer’s gang, but –” Shining Armor stopped short as he saw what was going on.

Moonwhisper, meanwhile, seemed oddly pleased by this turn of events. “Well, Lucerne, I believe I may have an offer for you. You let the colt go, and I’ll stand aside and let Captain Shining Armor apprehend you. If you can overpower him then I’ll stand down and allow you to retreat. If not…well, Shining Armor is at least liable to injure you less severely than I would at any rate.”

A wicked grin slowly spread over Lucerne Hammer’s features as he lowered Clay Pit to the ground. “So, you’ll let me go and I get to grind Canterlot’s face in the dirt?” Lucerne Hammer thought for a moment. “And you’re really going to just let me go after I’m done rearranging the Prince’s face?”

“I swear on my father’s life that I will allow you to withdraw if, and only if, you manage to completely incapacitate Shining Armor,” Moonwhisper replied after a moment’s pause, much to Shining Armor’s chagrin.

“Moonwhisper, are you sure this is a good idea?” Shining Armor asked uneasily.

“If you have a better idea as to how to get him to release his hostage then I’d be happy to hear it. If not, then I suggest you get down there and demonstrate why you were able to attain the rank of Captain.” Shining Armor gave Moonwhisper a quizzical look, as though puzzling out what he just said, before letting out sigh of resignation.

“Alright, fine. I may as well get this over with,” Shining Armor said as he tromped down the hill towards Lucerne Hammer.

“Oh, I am going to enjoy this,” Lucerne Hammer said as he tossed Clay Pit aside. As Clay Pit scampered away to relative safety next to Moonwhisper Lucerne Hammer’s horn flared up as a ball of orange light appeared in front of him. The ball then proceeded to twist and stretch until it had taken the shape of a long pole topped with a vicious-looking Warhammer on one end. “You ready, Canterlot? I’m about to pound you so hard your wife’s gonna be jealous!”

“Classy,” Shining Armor snorted as he started to adopt a fighting stance, only to be forced to leap back as Lucerne Hammer swung at him with his conjured weapon. Shining Armor wasn’t quite fast enough, however, and Lucerne Hammer’s attack resulted in a sold blow to the shoulder.

Moonwhisper watched impassively as Lucene Hammer continued to press his attack, his wild swings connecting several more times with Shining Armor’s shoulders, withers and flanks. “Now that I think about it, I suppose I can somewhat understand Lucerne Hammer’s confidence going into this,” Moonwhisper said mildly as he watched Lucerne Hammer continue his assault. “After all, Shining Armor has amassed a rather impressive string of defeats over the last couple of years. Chrysalis, Sombra, Tirek, they all managed to overpower him rather easily.”

“Wait, what?” Clay Pit practically shrieked in response. “You made a deal like that knowing your friend didn’t stand a chance? You have to do something, otherwise Lucerne Hammer will…”

“I said that I wouldn’t interfere with this fight and I intend to keep to that. That being said…Just to remind you, Lucerne, if you try and leave while Shining Armor is still able to stand then I’ll consider it a forfeiture on your part and will have to intervene. The agreement is that you need to completely incapacitate Captain Shining Armor before you’ll be permitted to withdraw.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that, I’m having way too much fun to run off,” Lucerne Hammer said as he slammed the haft of his weapon into Shining Armor’s face.

“Indeed. Anyway, regarding Shining Armor’s previous opponents, the thing to keep in mind is that all of them found some way to neutralize his ability to use magic. Chrysalis reduced his mind to mush while impersonating Princess Cadance, Sombra sealed his horn and Tirek simply ate his magic. None of those are remotely feasible options for somepony like Lucerne Hammer,” Moonwhisper said. “You know, now that I think about it I should really look into seeing if I can figure out that magic-sealing crystal spell next, it’d be extremely useful to have a way of countering magic like that given the threats Princess Twilight tends to face.”

“Well, not being able to cut off his magic doesn’t seem to be bothering Lucerne Hammer one bit!” Clay Pit yelled. In fact, even as they spoke Lucerne Hammer had hooked his weapon underneath Shining Armor’s barrel and with a powerful swing he tossed Shining Armor at the nearby barn. Shining Armor collided with the decrepit structure with enough force to crash right through the wall, leaving a sizable hole. “You see that? Your friend doesn’t stand a chance!”

“Tell me, are you familiar with the Royal Guard’s tradition of assigning grandiose nicknames to officers who reach the rank of captain?” Moonwhisper asked nonchalantly as he watched Lucerne Hammer approach the barn with an evil grin practically splitting his face in half. “It’s a holdover from the pre-Classical era Pegasi Legion. Personally, I find the practice to be rather sophomoric, but it continues nonetheless. For an example, my own nickname is the ‘Warhorse of the Apocalypse’. Ridiculous, I know.” As Moonwhisper spoke, Lucerne Hammer began swinging at the side of the barn in wide arcs until its side had been almost completely demolished.

“If you’re so amazingly tough, then why don’t you do something?” Clay Pit wailed. “Otherwise, Lucerne Hammer is going to kill your friend, don’t you realize that? Don’t you even care?”

“TIMBER!” With a final shuddering groan, the battered barn finally collapsed, burying Shining Armor under the rubble.

“To be frank, the title I was give is entirely meaningless in this situation,” Moonwhisper continued as though nothing out of the ordinary was happening. “What is relevant is that Shining Armor is known as – one moment. Lucerne Hammer! Where do you think you’re going?”

“I dunno, Klugetown, probably for starters. After that, who knows? As long as it’s far away from you I’ll be happy,” Lucerne Hammer said cheerfully.

“As you’re clearly an idiot I will remind you once again that you are not permitted to leave until Captain Shining Armor is completely incapacitated.” Moonwhisper let out a snort of irritation before turning back to Clay Pit. “Now, as I was saying, what’s relevant here is that Shining Armor happens to be known as –”

“Hey! What the rut do you mean I’m not finished!” Lucerne Hammer demanded angrily. “What do you expect me to do, dig that useless pampered lump out from…” Lucerne Hammer’s rant trailed off as he noticed the increasingly bright magenta light streaming out from underneath the rubble. Moments later the entire pile burst apart to reveal Shining Armor standing in the center, completely unharmed.

“-the ‘Invulnerable Aegis’,” Moonwhisper said with a note of smug satisfaction before turning towards his ally. “Captain Shining Armor, as amusing as this has been would you kindly stop screwing around and please put an end to this farce already?”

“Okay, no!” Lucerne Hammer yelled out. “What the hay are you trying to pull here? You do not get to get back up after I dropped a rutting barn on top of you! And how do you not have a mark on you after the beating I just gave you?”

“Give it a rest, Lucerne. I’d say you hit like a filly, but that phrase has a whole different meaning in my family,” Shining Armor said with a grin as he levitated the rubble surrounding him out of his path.

“Y-you think you’re cute?” Lucerne Hammer fumed through teeth clenched tightly in barely controlled rage.

“Well, Flurry Heart doesn’t just take after her mother,” Shining Armor replied innocently.

“I don’t understand,” Clay Pit said as he watched the exchange. “After the beating Lucerne Hammer gave him your friend should be half-dead by now, but he doesn’t have a scratch on him.”

“Given Captain Shining Armor’s affiliation with multiple alicorn princesses and his well-documented deficiencies as a commanding officer I suppose it’s sometimes easy to overlook his own prodigious magical talent. To put it as simply as I can, Shining Armor is one of the greatest masters of defensive magic ever to draw breath. Throughout this entire encounter Shining Armor has been employing a rather advanced bit of magic known as a personal shield spell, essentially wrapping himself in nearly invisible field of protective energy. There are perhaps five…maybe six unicorns in Equestria, excluding the princesses, who would have a remote hope of breaking through Shining Armor’s shield. Lucerne Hammer is not one of them.”

Lucerne Hammer meanwhile let out a primal scream of rage as he swung his polearm at Shining Armor, smashing him directly in the side of his head. Shining Armor, however, didn’t even flinch, merely smiling as the hammer head bounced harmlessly off the side of his face. “Thank you, sir. May I have another?” Shining Armor said smugly.

“I don’t care what sort of fancy magic you’re hiding behind, I’m gonna tear you apart!” Lucerne Hammer yelled as he brought his weapon down on Shining Armor once again.

This time, however, Shining Armor contemptuously swatted the weapon away with his front hoof, causing it to explode in a crackling burst of pink light. “You want to know why I let you smack me around like that earlier?” Shining Armor asked as Lucerne Hammer screeched in sudden pain, the feedback from the destruction of his weapon having left him with a massive crack in his horn running from tip to base. “It’s a little trick called kinetic absorption. The shield you’ve been wailing on has been storing up all of that energy until I I’m ready to let it back out. I’d say I just used about half of what I had stored in that last attack. And here’s the rest!” Lucerne Hammer, who hadn’t been paying any attention to what Shining Armor had been saying, looked up just in time to see Shining Armor’s hoof hurtling towards his face.

“I will say this, that was mildly cathartic to watch,” Moonwhisper said as he watched Lucerne Hammer’s unconscious form land several feet way. “All that’s left now is to inform whoever’s jurisdiction this is that we have a large number of prisoners to be taken into custody. Speaking of which, do you happen to know which garrison this area would fall under? I think Applewood is the closest geographically speaking, but that’s still a fair distance away and as I recall the district maps in Southern Equestria are rather odd…”

“How about before that we talk about what the hay you were thinking offering a deal like that to Lucerne Hammer?” Shining Armor demanded as he stormed over. “Were you seriously going to just let him walk away if I couldn’t handle him?”

“First of all, my first priority was to secure the release of Lucerne’s hostage and unfortunately I had few other options to accomplish that. Besides which, we both know that Lucerne Hammer posed less of a threat than your daughter would have,” Moonwhisper added.

“Fair enough, but even so…giving your word like that to somepony like Lucerne Hammer, even if you though it was a sure thing…”

“Shining Armor, do you recall precisely what oath I swore to that imbecile?” Moonwhisper asked pointedly.

“Yeah, you swore on your father’s – Oooh,” Shining Armor said as realization dawned on him. “You were never actually planning on letting him get away, were you?”

Moonwhisper shrugged. “Granted, I’d be more inclined to uphold an oath sworn on a daffodil sandwich, but honestly I’d have probably given him about fifty yards before I chased him down. I also only said I’d permit him to withdraw, I never specified how long I’d wait before pursuing him.”

Shining Armor burst out laughing at this. “Oh man, that is classic you. Anyway, let’s get this wrapped up so we can get headed back to Canterlot. I’m glad we were able to get this sorted out, but I really want to get back to Cadance and Flurry Heart.”

Moonwhisper cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Unfortunately, it doesn’t appear that that’s going to be possible. Take a look at your Cutie Mark.”

“Yeah, what about it?” Shining Armor asked.

“It’s not glowing, and I’m guessing mine isn’t either. That means that whatever issue we’ve been sent to resolve hasn’t been dealt with,” Moonwhisper said.

“So, in other words…” Shining Armor replied glumly.

“We’re not done yet.”

Return to Canterlot

For the first time in many moons, the citizens of the small, nameless, mining town Lucerne Hammer had terrorized were able to go about their daily lives without fear of violence. Ponies were able to tend to their gardens or visit the general store, foals could be seen chasing each other in the street and a palpable sense of calm hung in the air.

This sense of serenity was shattered as the outer wall of the saloon’s upper floors detonated outward in an explosion of magical energy, sending splintered wood raining down into the streets below.

“THEY’VE CONQUERED CANTERLOT?” Moonwhisper screamed in unbridled rage. Moonwhisper’s horn was still crackling with energy as he stood in the wreckage of his room, the sclera of his eyes having turned crimson red and wisps of smoke trailing off from the corners of his eyes.

“Dear Celestia, Cadance…” a shell-shocked Shining Armor added as he struggled to process what Silver Streak had told him. “Wait, what about Flurry Heart? Please don’t tell me she –”

“Princess Flurry Heart was smuggled out of Canterlot by her crystaller and Starlight Glimmer,” Silver Streak assured Shining Armor. “They’ve since retreated back to Ponyville with some of the other escaped civilians and are taking refuge in Princess Twilight’s castle.”

“Oh thank Celestia,” Shining Armor exclaimed with relief. “Still, we need to do something.”

“For what little it’s worth, any of the other guards who’ve managed to avoid capture have also been regrouping in Ponyville as well, but we don’t have anywhere near the numbers we’d need to try and retake Canterlot,” Silver Streak offered. “What we really need is for the two of you to return and assist us with the assault.”

“I intend to. Specifically, I am going to return to Canterlot, and once I am there I am going to terminate every enemy combatant that comes between me and this Storm King. Once I’ve located said Storm King I’m going to personally tear out all of his internal organs. Then, once that has been accomplished I’m going to track down this Tempest Shadow individual and I will systematically rip out her entire skeleton. One. Bone. At. A. Time.”

As Shining Armor listened to Moonwhisper’s plans for the Storm King’s forces he leaned over to whisper to Silver Streak. “Uh, is that thing with his eyes normal?”

“You mean the scary glowy thing? Sort of, I’ve seen him do that once before, when we found out the Crystal Empire had first come back,” Silver Streak replied.

Shaking his head, Shining Armor turned to Moonwhisper. “Moonwhisper, what you’re talking about isn’t a plan,” Shining Armor protested. “That’s a goal. An extremely violent goal that I’d love to see you try for, but it’s not a plan. You can’t just rush into Canterlot and start killing the Storm King’s soldiers.”

“On the contrary, I am more than capable of doing exactly that,” Moonwhisper snarled through tightly clenched teeth.

“Look, I would like nothing more than to see you paint Canterlot red with the Storm King’s innards, but we need to be smart about this. Remember, these guys managed to take out Princess Celestia and Princess Luna without breaking a sweat. If you try to just rush in and start breaking things then you might end up petrified too. And even if that wasn’t a problem you’d still need to actually get to Canterlot,” Shining Armor quickly added before Moonwhisper had a chance to respond. “We need to figure out how we’re going to get to Canterlot before we start worrying about dealing with the Storm King. That is, unless your plan is to run all the way back to Canterlot.”

“I…will admit that is actually a valid point,” Moonwhisper begrudgingly conceded as he calmed enough for his eyes to return to normal. “Traveling by hoof really isn’t a viable option and the nearest train depot is still unacceptably far. I don’t suppose you have any suggestions?”

“Well, if there are any local pegasi in town I might be able to try jury-rigging a couple of chariots,” Silver Streak suggested. “If you have a couple of reasonably strong fliers you could make it back to Canterlot a lot faster than you could going overland.”

“I appreciate the suggestion, lieutenant, but the local townsponies entirely consist of earth ponies,” Moonwhisper replied. “You’re the only pegasus we have available, and you’re clearly in no condition to haul anypony else all the way back to Canterlot. That said, there is some merit to the idea of flying back. If we can get a message to one of the garrisons in the area, maybe they could spare a few – Shining Armor, where are you going?” Moonwhisper got up and chased after his fellow captain, who had suddenly leapt up and started rushing towards the door.

“It just hit me, I know where we can find a pegasi to get us to Canterlot,” Shining Armor said as he raced downstairs and out of the saloon.

“That’s certainly good to hear, but it doesn’t answer my question. Where exactly are we going?” Moonwhisper asked.

“You’ll see.” Even as Shining Armor answered, however, it was obvious to Moonwhisper where Shining Armor was leading them, namely the mine where Lucerne Hammer and his gang were being held. “I was thinking back to when we bagged Lucerne Hammer, he said he was running off to Klugetown.”

“Yes, it’s a disgusting slum filled with all manner of criminals and degenerates. Lucerne Hammer would fit right in,” Moonwhisper snorted.

“You left out the fact that its on the far side of a desert on the other end of Equestria. It’s way too far to try and get there on hoof, and if Lucerne was doing business there he’d have needed some way of getting to and from there quickly,” Shining Armor said.

“And you’re suggesting that all we have to is ‘convince’ Lucerne or one of his subordinates to share the details of their transport,” Moonwhisper concluded.

“We’ll probably have better luck questioning some of his goons,” Shining Armor said as they made their way into the mine. “If nothing else I’m pretty sure I broke Lucerne’s jay when I took him down.”

“Two simple fractures in the mandible plus the jaw itself was dislocated,” Moonwhisper confirmed. “Not to mention the concussion he sustained when hit the ground. I can repair the physical damage if necessary, but I imagine Lucerne Hammer would be less than cooperative either way.”

“Agreed. Which is why we’re going to start with his second-in-command.” As the pair reached the door to where the prisoners were being kept Shining Armor motioned for Moonwhisper to pause for a moment. “Before we go in there, we should probably have a plan ready. So, I’m thinking we try the usual ‘good guard / bad guard’ routine to start with, that usually works pretty well.”

“True enough. I presume I’m going to be playing the ‘bad guard’ again?” Moonwhisper said.

“Hey, why play against type?” Shining Armor chuckled as he pushed the door open. The converted storeroom behind the door was filled with the mares and stallions that until recently had terrorized the village, most of whom were tied up and sullenly awaiting their fate. Shining Armor scanned the room as he stepped inside until he finally spotted the pony he was looking for. “There she is, I remember one of the townsponies pointed her out when she was captured.” Moments later, Shining Armor levitated Freezing Rain up off the floor and pulled her out of the room.

“What the hay do you two want?” Freezing Rain irritably asked as she groggily regarded the stallions before her.

“Believe it or not, today’s your lucky day,” Shining Armor replied using the same sort of stern cheerfulness he typically employed when he announced to Flurry Heart that it was bath time. “We’re about to give you an opportunity to help us out with some important guard business and earn yourself some leniency when your sentencing comes up.”

Freezing Rain looked at her captors for a moment before providing her reply. “Pass.”

Without warning, a section of the all behind Freezing Rain promptly exploded, showering her with bits of stone and leaving a hoof-sized hole in the wall. “I would strongly advise you to at least hear Captain Shining Armor out before dismissing his offer.” Moonwhisper said, his horn still glowing with magical power.

“Thank you, Moonwhisper,” Shining Armor said quickly. “Anyway, we know that Lucerne Hammer was doing business with Klugetown. What we want to know is how he was able to travel there and back.”

Freezing Rain let out an annoyed snort. “That’s what all this is about? Fine, we had a wagon fitted to be flown by pegasi stashed at the edge of the ranch that a couple of use would fly out to Klugetown to deliver ore and carry back supplies. Sometimes Lucerne Hammer would ride in back if he needed to meet with a buyer. You seriously dragged me out here just to ask me that?”

Shining Armor shared a glance with Moonwhisper before responding. “This wagon, about how quickly could it reach Canterlot?”

“Depends. If you’ve got a couple of decent flyers pulling it and you’re not hauling anything too heavy you could probably make it there in about half a day or so,” Freezing Rain replied with a shrug. “Why the hay do you care, anyway? It’s not like you needed it to get here or anything.”

“Look, why we need the wagon isn’t your concern. What is your concern is that if you agree to get us back to Canterlot then I’ll recommend to Princess Celestia that she go easy on you for what you did to this town. You don’t really want to spend the rest of your natural life locked in some prison cell, do you?”

Freezing Rain let out a derisive snicker. “Yeah, no. You’re gong to need to de much better than some half-baked promises if you want me to haul your lazy rumps all the way to Canterlot,” Freezing Rain sneered. “At the very least give me something in writing that you won’t be able to back out of once we get to Canterlot. Otherwise you two can just hoof it back to Canterlot on your own. And, for what it’s worth, you’re gonna need to get a second pegasi anyway, that clunker is too much for one flyer to haul quickly.” As Freezing Rain watched Shining Armor and Moonwhisper’s uncertain expressions she broke out into a wide grin. “You know, now that I think about it I think I should be getting paid for this little job, too. After all, you two must be in a pretty big hurry if –”

Freezing Rain was abruptly cut off as she was suddenly enveloped by Moonwhisper’s aura and slammed against the wall. “You miserable, worthless parasite! Equestria is being invaded, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna and even Princess Cadance have been captured and you’re sitting there grubbing for bits?” Moonwhisper snarled with barely contained fury.

“Wait, hold on, you didn’t say anything about Princess Celestia being captured. You’re kidding right? That’s…you’re just making up some stupid crisis so I’ll go along with whatever it is you need me for,” Freezing Rain said, trying and failing to sound confident.

“Some lunatic calling himself the Storm King attacked Canterlot with an army and completely took it over,” Shining Armor replied solemnly. “Like Moonwhisper said, all of the princess except Twilight have been captured somehow and the guards there are completely overrun. Right now, barring Twilight and her friends pulling off some kind of miracle, Moonwhisper and I are Equestria’s best hope to stop all of this, but we need to actually get to Canterlot before we can do anything.”

“You – you’re not kidding around, are you?” Freezing Rain asked. As Shining Armor and Moonwhisper shook their heads, Freezing Rain’s expression became serious. “Why in rutting Tartarus didn’t the two of you say that to begin with? Like I said, we’ll need another pegasi if we want to get to Canterlot without stopping. I’d probably recommend grabbing Squall Line, she’s a whiner, but she was also one of my best strongest fliers and she’ll probably take just about any offer you wave in front of her.”

“Well, aren’t you suddenly the cooperative one,” Moonwhisper said, suspicious clearly audible in his voice.

“Being asked to play taxi for the unicorns who arrested me is one thing, being asked to freaking help save Equestria is another,” Freezing Rain snapped back. “I may be a criminal, sure, but I’m an Equestrian criminal and I’m sure as hay not going to sit around on my rump while Princess Celestia is in trouble!”

“Well alright then,” Shining Armor replied after taking a moment to process this sudden revelation of Freezing Rain’s apparent patriotism. “We need to get moving as soon as possible. Moonwhisper, you grab this Squall Line and get up her up to speed on what’s going on. While you’re doing that, I’ll take Freezing Rain back to the ranch to locate that wagon and get it ready to go, you can meet us there. If any of the townsponies asks what’s going on just tell them we’ve conscripted Freezing Rain and Squall Line to provide transportation as part of their sentence.” Shining Armor paused for a moment. “Actually, I’ll tell them that, you just give them one of your angry glares until they decide not to ask questions.”

“I don’t anticipate that being an issue,” Moonwhisper replied. “I’ll also instruct Silver Streak to head to Ponyville once she’s able to fly. There’s a distinct possibility that I’ll still be in the process of engaging in regicide at that time and it would be best if somepony were able to organize any forces that avoided capture during the initial assault.”

“You honestly think it will take you that long to deal with the Storm King?” Shining Armor asked.

“It would be a bit more accurate to say that that’s how long that I intend to take when dealing with the Storm King,” Moonwhisper replied darkly. “Now, let’s get moving, I want us to reach Canterlot by nightfall.”

*********

“That is the most awesome name ever!” Pinkie Pie squealed as Tempest Shadow, or apparently Fizzlepop Berrytwist, revealed her real name. As the rest of Pinkie Pie’s friends rolled their eyes and left Pinkie Pie to her Pinkie-ness, a dark speck descended down from the clouds along the horizon. Even if they had been looking there, it was unlikely that anypony would have noticed as the speck as it rapidly approached the city form the south, even as it drew close enough to be made out to be a wagon being pulled by a pair of pegasi. Even if they had, it would have been even more unlikely that anypony would have noticed the dark figure leaping out of the chariot until it suddenly launched itself towards Canterlot while mid-air, rocketing itself at the city like a missile. As it was, it wasn’t until the figure impacted the ground a few yards from where Twilight and her friends were sitting.

“WHERE IS THE…Storm…King?” Moonwhisper roared, the fury in his voice dissipating before he could even finish his sentence.

“Oh, he’s over there. And there. And there,” Spike replied helpfully as Twilight got up to welcome her special somepony back.

“Moonwhisper! I take it you heard about the whole invasion thing,” Twilight said awkwardly as Moonwhisper dispelled his armor.

“Lieutenant Silver Streak reported on the instance, yes. And it would appear that you’ve resolved the issue already. Because of course you have,” Moonwhisper said as he took a deep breath.

“You’re not upset, are you?” Twilight asked.

“No, not upset. I just need a moment to process the sudden transition from blind, murderous rage to relief.” As Moonwhisper spoke a pink sphere plummeted down from the sky and crashed into the ground nearby, revealing Shining Armor in a three-point landing pose. “At ease, Captain. Twilight and her companions have already dealt with the Storm King situation,” Moonwhisper said before Shining Armor could say a word.

“Oh. Good,” Shining Armor replied before collapsing forward onto the ground. “Dear Celestia, that really is hard on your knees.” An audible smack could be heard as Moonwhisper promptly facehoofed in response.

“Why don’t I fill you both in on what happened while you two were gone,” Twilight offered as she helped her brother back to his hooves.

“That would be appreciated,” Moonwhisper admitted as he seemed to finally relax a little. “I get the impression that it should be quite the story.”

*********

“-and then we used the magic in the Staff of Sacanas to free the princesses and restore Canterlot. After that, we got the Friendship Festival back up and running again and here we are,” Twilight said as she finished recounting the story of what had happened over the last several days.

“Geez, Twily, that’s one hay of a story,” Shining Armor said as he allowed Flurry Heart to crawl over him. “And here I thought Moonwhisper and I were going to be the ones with an adventure story to tell.”

“Oh, that’s right!” Twilight exclaimed. “In all the excitement I had completely forgotten why you two weren’t here. What sort of friendship problem did the map send you to solve?”

Shining Armor let out a nervous chuckle. “It was, uh, something to do with some old business going back to our early days in the guard. I’m sure Moonwhisper can fill you in on the details.”

Moonwhisper, meanwhile, was sitting off to the side with the serenity of somepony who dearly wanted to say ‘I told you so’. As Moonwhisper sat there, Tempest Shadow cautiously sidled up to him. “So…you’re Twilight’s what exactly? Bodyguard? Coltfriend?” Tempest asked.

“Miss Storm, I recognize that Twilight affirms that you are reformed and you actions preventing Twilight from being petrified does support that conclusion. That being said, up until a few minutes ago I fully intended to tear out you spinal column and beat you to death with it. As such, it may be best if you were to keep your distance for the time being.” As an alarmed Tempest Shadow quickly scuttled away Moonwhisper took another deep breath, quietly looking forward to being able to put the past several days behind him.

It was at that moment that Discord suddenly popped into view above the group dressed in a strange-looking red and black shirt. “Well, that was certainly a fun little vacation. So,” Discord asked as he peered down at the assembled ponies with a knowing grin. “What did I miss?”

A Long Time Coming

“And that’s the last of them,” Shining Armor said as he slammed the door to the village mine’s storage area shut. “That should hold the lot of Lucerne’s gang, at least until Captain Rear Guard can send somepony to take them into custody.

“Um, pardon me, Captain…er, Prince –“

“Just Shining Armor is fine,” Shining Armor assured the nervous villager, a shopkeeper named Rock Quarry, who had been helping him secure the prisoners.

“Thank you. Shining Armor, do you really thing that storage room is going to be able to hold all of those thugs? I mean, if they were to escape…”

“I don’t think that’s going to be much of an issue,” Shining Armor replied. “Moonwhisper left most of those guys in traction, and the rest of them lost any interest in causing trouble once they saw what happened to Lucerne Hammer himself. At this point I think they’re happier knowing they’re safe from us as long as they stay in there.”

Rock Quarry laughed nervously. “I’ll just be happy when they’re finally out of our manes altogether. Listen, though, I just want to thank you again for everything that you and your friend had done for use If there’s anything I or anypony else in town can do for either of you…”

“Well, I don’t suppose you know of anypony in town that has a friendship problem that needs solving?” Shining Armor asked.

“A…friendship problem?”

“It’s just a little something that Moonwhisper and I are supposed to take care of before we can leave,” Shining Armor said after a moment’s hesitation. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it, but if you think of anything like that around town let Captain Moonwhisper or myself know.”

“Of course. Um, if you don’t mind I’m going to head out. We’re organizing crews to start repairing some of the homes that Lucerne Hammer and his gang ransacked.” As Shining Armor nodded in understanding Rock Quarry scurried off towards the mine exit.

“I don’t think he really needs to know that this friendship problem is the real reason Moonwhisper and I came her in the first place,” Shining Armor thought to himself as he watched Rock Quarry leave. “I just hope Moonwhisper’s been having more luck then I have figuring out what we’re actually supposed to be doing here.”

As if to prove that the universe had a twisted sense of humor, Rock Salt suddenly came barreling down the mineshaft towards Shining Armor with a panicked expression on her face. “Pardon me, sir? Captain? Your highness? There’s a situation down at mah saloon that we need y’ to, um…”

“What’s going on? Don’t tell me we missed some of Lucerne’s gang?” Shining Armor groaned.

“No, no, it’s nothin’ like that…no exactly anyhow. It’s just, yer friend, Captain Moonwhisper….he’s makin’ somethin’ of a ruckus and we could really user yer help in calmin’ him down.”

“Wait, are you serious? Why in Equestria would Moonwhisper be…oh no.” Even as Shining Armor spoke he recalled how on edge Moonwhisper had seemed since the previous night when it had become apparent that dealing with Lucerne Hammer wasn’t the issue that the map had sent them to resolve. At the time Shining Armor hadn’t thought much of it, but when he considered Moonwhisper’s predilection for overreacting when his duties as a guard were involved it threw things into a new, far more concerning light. “I’d better go talk to him before things get completely out of hoof. You said Moonwhisper was at your saloon right?”

*********

“I’m going to ask you this one more time, and I strongly advise you to provide me with a truthful and thorough answer. Now, why have you and your neighbor, Miss Sugar Luck, been arguing?” The mare Moonwhisper was interrogating barely managed a whimper of terror in response, in no small part due to the fact that she was being help upside down and pinned against a wall by Moonwhisper’s magic. “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask that you provide your answers in plan Ponish. Now, several other townsponies have already verified that you and Miss Sugar Luck have been engaged in a feud of some kind. As such I will ask you once again, what is the precise nature of this conflict?”

“Moonwhisper! What in Celestia’s name do you think you’re doing?”

Moonwhisper turned almost nonchalantly to see an enraged Shining Armor standing in the saloon’s entranceway. “Ah, Captain Shining Armor, I take it the last of Lucerne Hammer’s associates have been secured then?”

“Never mind that! Put her down right now!” Shining Armor yelled.

Moonwhisper regarded Shining Armor with a look of annoyance for a moment before letting out an irritated snort. “Very well. Miss Honey Oats, you’re dismissed for the time being. Be aware, however, that there is a strong possibility that we will need to continue this conversation in the near future.” As Moonwhisper spoke he righted the mare and gently deposited her back onto the ground. The moment Moonwhisper released Honey Oats from his magic she bolted out of the saloon past Shining Armor, who continued to glare angrily at Moonwhisper.

“What. Were. You. Thinking?” Shining Armor demanded as he marched towards Moonwhisper.

“I was interrogating Miss Honey Oats regarding her likely role in the friendship problem that we were dispatched here to deal with,” Moonwhisper stated matter-of-factly. “My questioning of the locals has uncovered that the most significant social conflict here seems to involve an ongoing dispute between Miss Honey Oats and here neighbor, a one Miss Sugar Luck. I had hoped that confronting Miss Honey Oats directly over the issue would be the most expedient way to settle things, but perhaps I should have spoken with somepony close to her or Miss Sugar Luck first to seek a more unbiased perspective on the issue.”

“No, that’s not what I – what in Equestria made you think that questioning a civilian like that was even remotely appropriate?” Shining Armor asked as he massaged his temple with a forehoof and tried to regain some measure of composure.

“Everything I did was entirely within the protocols we have for extracting mission critical information from non-compliant sources,” Moonwhisper protested. “If you’d like I can quote the relevant passages from the protocols issued us.”

Shining Armor felt his eyes start to twitch in mounting frustration. “Non-compliant…Moonwhisper, those protocols were issued by the Equestrian Intelligence Service for questioning suspected criminals during a national emergency situation. Not for…whatever a friendship mission counts as.”

“So then, what progress have you made on determining what our objective is?” Moonwhisper asked pointedly. “Given your strenuous objections to my methods I can only assume that you must be close to a breakthrough yourself on the issue. Which, I will remind you, we need to resolve before we can return to Canterlot.”

“Hey, I’ve been trying my best to figure out what we’re supposed to do here,” Shining Armor protested.

“And is this the same ‘best’ that you displayed when the changeling queen was able to replace Princess Cadance without you’re noticing? Or is the more the ‘best’ you tried when Sombra assaulted the Crystal Empire? Oh, I know, this would be the ‘best’ you did when you allowed an oversized cumulus cloud to drift over the Equestria Games stadium during the ice archery event,” Moonwhisper snarled. “As far as I’m concerned your ‘best’ isn’t nearly good enough when Twilight’s safety may be at risk, so either do something productive for a change or stop interfering with my efforts to actually accomplish our mission!”

A moment of quiet passed as Shining Armor processed what Moonwhisper had just said, his face slowly contorting in rage as everything sank in. “You miserable, self-righteous jerk! Are you actually trying to suggest that I’m not taking this seriously because I’m drawing a line at using criminal interrogation techniques on innocent ponies? What’s wrong with you? No, really, what in Tartarus is wrong with you? And to throw what happened at my wedding in my face, that’s low, even for you.”

“Of course I’m suggesting you’re not taking this mission seriously you gibbering idiot!” Moonwhisper yelled back. “When, in your entire miserable career, have you ever taken your duties as a guard seriously? Ever since you were promoted past the point where you could coast on your abilities your career has been an uninterrupted string of failures brought on by your own laziness and incompetence. Also, what exactly did you mean when you said ‘even for you’?” Moonwhisper asked dangerously.

“You know exactly what I mean! Ever since we met you’ve been an unrelenting jerk to me. The constant insults, that sneering elitist superiority of yours. And the entire time I’ve tried to be your friend, but every time I hold my hoof out in friendship you slap it away.” Shining Armor said.

“Oh woe is you, you lazy, pampered, pompous imbecile,” Moonwhisper fired back. “Maybe if you spent less time worrying about how one of your peers isn’t nice to you and more actually training you wouldn’t be the laughingstock of the entire guard. Do you have even the slightest comprehension as to how frustrating it is to watch you blunder your way through life and continuously come out on top without ever having to have earned a thing?”

“Hey! I’ve worked hard to get where I am!” Shining Armor protested.

“Horse apples! Your entire life has been gifted to you on a silver platter. Name one thing, name one single, solitary thing that you’ve ever had to struggle for,” Moonwhisper said.

“Your respect,” Shining Armor replied simply.

Shining Armor’s retort actually managed to leave Moonwhisper speechless for a moment. “Touché,” Moonwhisper eventually replied.

“You know what I think your problem with me really is?” Shining Armor continued, seizing on the opportunity. “I think deep down your really just jealous of me! You’ve spent so much of your life fixated on how miserable you are that you just can’t stand that somepony could actually be as successful as you without being a complete martyr. I’m living proof that you never actually needed to spend your life wallowing in self-pity, you just choose to.”

“Choose to? CHOOSE TO?” Moonwhisper screamed, the veins in his neck bulging out in rage. “You think I choose to be the descendant of the worst monster in Equestrian history? You think I choose to be magically tortured day in and day out as soon as I was old enough to walk? Do you honestly think I choose to watch my mother be beaten and tormented while I couldn’t do a rutting thing about any of it? Of course I envied you, you solipsistic cretin! You had everything anypony could want, a loving family with a linage you could hold up with pride, magical power you never had to even strain yourself to achieve, you even had an alicorn princess desperately in love with you, practically throwing herself at your hooves! And the biggest complaint you’ve ever had in your life is that the respect of one of your peers isn’t being showered down on you like everything else in your life has been,” Moonwhisper said as he stood there, breathing heavily. For several minutes the two stallions stood in silence as what had just been said sunk in.

“Hey, I…I never meant to say that you wanted to have to deal with, you know, all the stuff you’ve been through,” Shining Armor finally said.

“I understand that,” Moonwhisper replied. “And, having said everything out loud, I suppose I do owe you an apology. It hasn’t been entirely fair of me to hold your good fortune against you the way that I have. You didn’t choose to be born into the life that you’ve lived anymore than I did. I’ve been childish and needlessly antagonistic to you for years, and for that I apologize.”

“That’s…I’m not going to lie, I never thought I’d actually hear you say something like that,” Shining Armor said. “So, all this time the reason you’ve been so, you know, you, has been because you were just jealous of me?”

“That hasn’t been the only reason. I maintain that you’re staggeringly inept as a commanding officer and you take a distressingly lackadaisical approach to your professional life,” Moonwhisper stated. “Just because my behavior towards you has been unfairly colored by my own jealousy doesn’t mean my critiques of your conduct are entirely invalid.”

Shining Armor stared at Moonwhisper for a moment before bursting into peals of laughter. “I guess I should have seen that coming. You just wouldn’t be you if you weren’t the biggest hard-ass in the entire guard.” Shining Armor let out a sigh. “And I guess I have to admit you’re not completely wrong. I just can’t really even seem to find the time to train like I probably should, especially now that I’ve got Flurry Heart to look after.” As Shining Armor spoke, he noticed that Moonwhisper had averted his eyes and was muttering something under his breath. “Did you just say something?”

“I said your personal life is the one area where I can’t criticize your work ethic,” Moonwhisper replied with an embarrassed snort. “Whatever your many deficiencies as an officer I can’t deny that your observable dedication to your family is exemplary.”

“You know, I think that might be the single nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Shining Armor said with a chuckle. “Which, now that I say it out loud, is actually a little depressing.” Another brief moment of awkward silence passed before Shining Armor spoke again. “Look, maybe you’re right about how I have room to improve as an officer. If nothing else, it is a little embarrassing to keep having my little sister save me.”

“Also your wife. And, while I haven’t participated in it myself, I do know for a fact that there is a betting pool among the other officers as to how old Flurry Heart will be before she saves you somehow,” Moonwhisper said.

“Huh, part of me wants to be annoyed at that, but another part wants to know if I could get in on that,” Shining Armor mused. “I wonder if Cadance knows about that.”

“She has approximately four hundred bits on a spread between ages eleven and fourteen, with an additional hundred bit side bet that Flurry Heart receives her cutie mark in the process,” Moonwhisper said matter-of-factly.

Shining Armor started at Moonwhisper for nearly a minute before shaking his head. “Anyway, I’m starting to feel like we’re getting off topic a bit. Do you think we could, I don’t know, try and be actual friends from now on?”

“And by that I presume by that you mean could I rein in my needless hostility?” Moonwhisper asked before managing a weak smile. “I suppose I can do that. And now that that’s been settled we should refocus our efforts on dealing with the friendship –“ Moonwhisper paused as he felt an odd tingling sensation in his flank. “OH FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA, ARE YOU RUTTING SERIOUS?” Sure enough, both Moonwhisper and Shining Armor’s cutie marks were glowing and pulsing, signifying a successful mission. “That was the friendship problem we needed to solve? Why in Equestria did the map send us to this Celestia-forsaken corner of Equestria if we were the problem that needed solving?”

“Maybe it wanted us to deal with Lucerne Hammer too and it, what was that phrase Drill Sergeant Crab Apple liked to use?”

“Hit two trees with one buck?” Moonwhisper huffed irritably. “I suppose that serves as good an explanation as we can ever expect to receive. Well, looking on the bright side at least this means we can finally leave for Canterlot.”

“No arguments here. Why don’t you head back to our rooms and start getting everything packed up? I just want to make sure the locals know what to do once Rear Guard and his guards get here to take Lucerne into custody,” Shining Armor said.

“And, I imagine, to smooth things over with regards to my own…overzealousness,” Moonwhisper added a little sheepishly. “I’ll leave you to it, then. The sooner we get everything settled the sooner we can start heading back to Canterlot.”

Shining Armor nodded in agreement and the two stallions exited the saloon and trotted off in separate directions. Just as Shining Armor reached the mine entrance, however, several of the nearby townsponies started shouting and pointing to the sky. Shining Armor scarcely had time to look up before a silver-grey pegasus mare in lieutenant’s armor plummeted down and slammed into the ground next to him. “Captain Shining Armor,” the guardsmare greeted him as she panted heavily. “First Lieutenant Silver Streak reporting.”

“At ease, lieutenant,” Shining Armor said as gave Silver Streak a moment to catch her breath. Silver Streak looked like a mess, her wings and mane unkempt and the dark circles under her eyes making it look as though she hadn’t slept in days. “You’re Moonwhisper’s second-in-command, aren’t you? Shouldn’t you be back in Canterlot helping with the festival’s security?”

“Sir,” Silver Streak replied as she finally caught her breath. “Canterlot has fallen.”