Nothing changes if nothing changes
The sun was low in the sky as Berry Punch solemnly made her way across Ponyvilles’ cobbled streets. Not quite sunset, but low enough that most businesses were closing up for the day. She’d dreaded this day. Fought it tooth and hoof. She had been happy until now. Happy as herself, as she had always been. She had been happy. Now, she was just tired. Tired of feeling tired, of her head hurting, of the memories of everyone laughing at her behavior. Her muzzle practically touched the ground, and she just couldn’t face another day of this.
She hated herself. She hated that she hated herself, because she knew this wasn’t normal. How could it be when all around her were ponies living impossibly happy lives? She didn’t get it, why did she have to suffer? Some nights she just wished she could fall asleep, and never have to wake up again. Then, she wouldn’t have to worry about being an eyesore for the town. Everyone would be happier and forget about her, then move on with their lives. Her eyes stung, and she wiped away a tear as she reached her destination. The Ponyville Schoolhouse. The lights were on despite the foals having long left, and Berry could distinctly hear lively chatter from within. She took a deep breath to calm herself, and stepped inside.
She saw a few familiar faces, and more than a few unfamiliar ones. The first was an older mare who offered a hoof, which Berry lightly shook.
“Welcome, sweetie.” She crooned.
Berry simply gave a weak smile and nodded, and made her way further into the school house. The foal sized desks had been pushed to the sides of the room, and two rows of benches sat in their place. A few ponies were seated in small groups, chatting to one another, while others simply mingled about. Berry knew what to expect, she’d heard all about these meetings in the various rehabs she’d been admitted into. Both willingly and un-willingly. She scanned the room, and found her target: the refreshments table. Every meeting had these, although the fare varied in quality. She snagged herself a few stale cookies and chugged a small mug of coffee, then poured herself another and found a spot on a bench next to another mare who seemed by herself.
The two didn’t acknowledge one another, an unspoken agreement of letting the other be. They remained like this, Berry occasionally swirling her coffee, until the other ponies in the room found their ways to their own spots, and a rather portly stallion took what was usually the teachers spot at the front of the assembly.
“Good evening, everyone." He rumbled. "I’m Wood Shave, and I’m an alcoholic.”
“Hi, Wood Shave.” The crowd replied with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Berry immediately regretted being here, free food or not. It reminded her of the call and answer of the meetings her parents had made her attend as a foal. “Welcome to this week’s meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous: ‘Listening to the Wind’.”
All the groups have different names. This way, many groups can take place at once, in the same town. It gives ponies options. Berry recalled this from a meeting that had taken place in her last rehab.
“I’d like to open this meeting with the Preamble:” At this, like leading a congregation, Woodshave and the room said as one:
Alcoholics Anonymous, is a fellowship of mares and stallions, who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other, that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for A.A. membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober, and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.
“Tonight’s meeting,” Wood Shave continued “is an open one where all are welcome, versus a closed one, where only those with a desire to stop drinking can attend.” He paused to look toward a mare wearing a large hat in the front row. He gave her a soft smile and a nod, and the figure stood up.
“Tonight’s meeting is also a speaker meeting, where one member of a neighboring meeting visits to share their experience, strength, and hope. It’s my pleasure to turn the floor over to one of our friends from Canterlots’ “Recovery on Main”, Ms. Rarity.”
RARITY?!?!? ‘Carousel Boutique’ Rarity?!?!?!? Element of Generosity? You're bucking kidding me. Berry reeled.
What reason does she have to drink? She’s got a perfect life, and perfect friends!
Rarity slowly faced the room, her head looking straight ahead. “Thank you, Mr. Wood Shave, and Good evening to you, my fellow Ponyville residents.”
She spoke with the same charm as if she were addressing an audience of potential customers, not a room of drunks. Rarity took a deep breath, and let it out shakily. “My name is Rarity, and I’m an alcoholic.”
The crowd responded much more warmly to her than they had a few moments ago:
“Howdy Rares.”
“Hiya Rarity!”
“Hey there, sweetie!”
Well that’s different. Berry Punch thought to herself.
“I must say, I was terrified to come here tonight. I…I still am, a little.” A few voices cheered on
“It’s alright!”
“You’re always our friend!”
The white mare seemed emboldened, and she held her head a bit higher. “When I was only a small-town dress maker, I figured that was all I would ever be. My dreams of becoming anything more seemed only that: fantastical whimsy. I felt crushed.”
“Of course, I never let that show in public. I truly did love dress making and fashion as much as I do now. Every smile I had while taking a pony’s measurements or tailoring their outfits was a genuine one. It was when I wasn’t working that my mind grew dark.” Rarity’s gentle smile faltered. “My parents are by no means destitute, but nor are they very responsible. Whenever they fancied to travel, they figured that it was no hassle for me to watch over my little sister while they were away. Those of you with foals of your own surely know what a hoofull they can be. “
Wait, so she doesn’t raise that foal already? Berry mused.
“I surely must sound like an awful pony. I often felt that I was one. Who could turn away their own family? Even when I would literally wake up to my younger sibling adding her own ‘creative touch’ to dresses that had cost hundreds of bits and countless hours to make-“A few ponies seemed to cringe at the mental image of that “-I just sighed and threw them out, another sign that I wasn’t meant to be anything more than a seamstress. I grew angry at my family, and began to grow anxious with wondering when they would next appear.”
“I tried to reason with them; to maybe take Sweetie Belle with them, or at least send a letter in advance. I lost many customers because my little dear wouldn’t stop darting between their legs while I tried to fit them.”
Ok, maybe she pretty much was raising her.
“One day, a kind mare gifted me a bottle of the finest merlot she had. 'One mother to another, I know you’ll need it.' She said. Now I was thinking that the stress of life was showing on my face. However, as soon as that mare left, I uncorked the bottle and took a sip. It was heaven. A sip became a swig, a swig became a chug, and I’m sure that before the poor mare was even around that corner, the bottle was empty."
Dang, you go, filly. Berry smiled.
“After that day, I made it a point to always have a bottle of wine on hand. Not cider, or anything hard. 'A lady only drinks wine if she desires such libations.', That’s what I told myself. That was the lie that kept bouncing in my head, even when I started having cases of wine delivered to my store. I told the salespony that it was for a small refreshment stand for customers I was starting. I’m sure that by now they knew that was a lie. That sweet poison calmed my nerves, no matter the issue. Customer wants a rush order? Just a swig of chianti and off I went! Little sister stepped on my pin cushion? A bit for her boo-boo, and a bit for Rarity. A Celestia-blessed quiet night for myself? O-hohoho! Break out the White Zinfandel and dreadful romance novels!” Almost all the mares in the room, Berry Punch herself among them, laughed at that last bit.
“Alas, too much of a good thing; as we’ve all come to learn.” The room murmured in agreement. “It was one morning when I once again heard my sister downstairs, and I smelled smoke. I did NOT run downstairs, no. My first thought was that I needed a drink before dealing with such nonsense. So while my poor sister thought she was burning down my home and business, I drained an entire bottle and passed out on the floor. I awoke to a firepony shaking me, while my sister cried in the background. The fire was limited to the stove top, but the implications ran much further. I was able to shoo the first responders off, more embarrassed at being caught than anything. Another alcohol-driven action. Next, I ran to the post office and sent a letter to my parents, simply telling them that I had an issue with my chimney, couldn’t put it off, and to please collect Sweetie Belle immediately.” A small, devilish grin crept onto Rarity’s face.
“Notice something missing here?” Her blue eyes darted around the room. “Throughout all of these matters; from the moment I woke up, I had completely ignored my sister.” A few sounds of sympathy were heard.
“Up until that moment when I had stopped to catch my breath, I had only been thinking about my own well-being. When I finally returned to my boutique, she hadn’t budged from where I’d left her. She was only whimpering now, mind you, not that it should change anything. When I saw what a state my house was in, all soot covered and dishes strewn about, with a small, teary eyed filly on top of it all, knew that if I’d tried to correct the course of actions leading up until now, instead of just gliding along on a river of wine, I most certainly would not have wound up in such dire straights.”
“After my parents returned, I informed them that I would be taking a vacation of my own, and would not be available for some time. I figured a trip would clear my mind, and steel my nerves. The only steel I ended up seeing came in the form of a tumbler in the aura of a Mareami bartender. I thought it was a splendid time. Instead of drinking to cope, I was drinking for the sake of it, and as much as I wanted. Stallions and mares could easily buy my time with fancy cocktails and the occasional stout brew. Everything I had previously thought about being ‘ladylike’ went out the window and into the gutter.” Many in the small school house nodded as though they had been right next to her.
Heh, I think the only line I have left to cross is a stint in the dungeons. Berry quipped to herself.
“I don’t actually remember how long I was there for. All I remember was waking up in somepony elses hotel room, and it was definitely was not in the same hotel I was staying at. I was completely broke, and the stallion would only offer me a water bottle before shooing me out the door. I walked to the elevators, and looked at myself in the giant mirror in the lobby. Once again, I saw that sad, overwhelmed mare who just wanted the ride to stop so that she could get off.” Raritys smile had turned into a frown awhile back, but Berry only just now noticed.
I know that look. “Shooing you out” was putting it lightly, wasn’t it?
“On the ride down, I couldn’t look at my own reflection in the elevator doors; my streaked mascara, my crumpled outfit, my bloodshot eyes. Truly a wretched sight. I went back to my hotel on hoof, and took the longest bath of my life. I had no idea how was going to afford a return ticket to Ponyville, but I was desperate to be home. I went to the train station and simply begged the ticket seller to give me one on credit. Again, here’s a poor, broke, seamstress begging for help in an unfamiliar town. I had another moment of self-loathing.”
“At that moment, I felt a hoof on my shoulder, and a short mare with the most gorgeous argent eyes I have ever seen, and a coat of pure white, looked up at me. I recall her buying me a ticket, and we sat together on the train. She said: “My girl, you’re much too beautiful to be a beggar, how did one such as you find herself without a bit to her name?”
“I lost my composure, Fillies and gentlecolts, I started bawling right there on the train about everything that burdened me, and how I just wanted to leave everypony and everything I had behind and start over. 'Is that too much to ask?' I said to her. 'Is it too much to want to be happy and free to do what I want for a change?' ."
Of course not, I’m right there with ya Berry thought to the mare in the past.
Rarity continued “This small mare, who had sat there and smiled and listened to my entire adult life story, nodded, and told me: 'No, of course not. Everypony deserves to live a happy life. However, I can tell you right now, that as long as you continue to swig your fancy wine and cocktails, you’ll never find happiness, no matter how far you run.' Raritys’ eyes widened in mock awe. “I was shocked! That blessed liquid was the best part of my day! A quiet glass of wine in my own bedroom was exactly what I had been looking forward to as soon as I got home.” The little lady frowned at me and chirped up “But aren’t you coming back from a vacation? Why aren’t you happy now?” Rarity in the present shook her head. “I didn’t know then. I do now.” When we arrived in Ponyville, I rose to gather my belongings, and my companion remained seated. I asked her where she was heading and she replied “Canterlot.” “I was beside myself! A ticket from Mareami to Ponyville would have cost me a months worth of orders! Never mind going further still to Canterlot. How could she have been so generous?” “I am working my twelfth step, young lady.” She explained. “And if you’d be so generous as to return the favor and help me work my step, take my address. When you can, please come visit me. I’d like you to meet some friends of mine.”
“As I stepped off that train and began my walk home, my mind was spinning. How did I go from being broke in a train station to being invited to socialize in the capital of all of Equestria?” I was determined to not waste this opportunity, and began saving my bits. I did not tell my parents that I had returned, wanting to keep a low profile for a while. I eventually made it to the city, and met the kind creature again.”
Rarities eyes suddenly went wide. “I’m sorry, I forgot to tell you all who she is!” The crowd suddenly turned slightly sour at this, and Rarity blushed and seemed to realize herself “Ah, apologies, we are, after all, Alcoholics Anonymous,” The alabaster mare took a second to clear her throat.
"Well, to make a long story short, that mare took me to my first A.A. meeting, and eventually became my sponsor. I considered coming to a meeting here in my hometown, but I was paralyzed by the idea that rumors would spread, and everypony would see me differently. I know this sounds rude to all of you, but a pony is allowed to have her neurosis, right?” She laughed nervously, but did not wait for a reply, and cleared her throat. “In fact, I’d like it if any of you would like to be honest with me about your feelings on that thought, because my very coming to speak here is part of my Ninth step, making my amends to those I have wronged through my abuse. So, with that, thank you for letting me share.”
Her face had a slight look of determination on it, ready for whatever came next. When everypony in the room began to applaud and cheer, Rarity broke down in tears. Wood Shave came up and guided her down to her seat. The rest of the meeting was a chance for other ponies to respond to her story and to sometimes add how they related. Berry Punch did not speak herself, content to watch and listen.
After the last pony had spoken, a different pony took the podium. She was a pale yellow mare with a mane of soft pink and orange. She had a small box held in the aura of her magic.
“Hello, everypony” she said “My name is Sweetcream Scoops, and I’ll be handing out tonight’s anniversary coins.”
The mare proceeded to list off various lengths of time starting at 30 days and increasing up to a whole year of sobriety. Each month was marked by a different coin, and various ponies came up to collect their little trinket and get a hug. After the last one year coin was handed out, Sweetcream held up a shiny silver coin.
“Finally, we have the most important coin to hand over, because it marks the bravest ponies in this room: the one day coin.”
Berry suddenly felt a nudge from the mare next to her, who gave her a small smirk. Berry Punch half- lived up to her name and returned the gesture, and to her surprise, the mare rose and began walking toward Sweetcream Scoops.
You’re bucking kidding me.
The purple mare squirmed in her seat, indecision wracking her brain. After a seconds hesitation, she rose from her spot on the bench, and jumped down, trotting to catch up. Her benchmate had just gotten her coin and was walking back, only to turn around and watch as Berry Punch suddenly came face to face with her own coin. Sweetcream held it out in front of her, and Berry took it in her teeth. She gave Sweetcream a small smile and the yellow mare took that as an invitation to hug her.
“Welcome, Berry.” She whispered. Berry Punches' eyes went wide as she drew back. She looked out at the room and she saw Rarity looking at her, eyes still watery. The fashionista silently mouthed “Small town.” to her.
Berry Punch just looked away and hurried back to her seat. Once seated, she turned the coin over and over in her hooves, admiring how she could see her own face in it. One side had a triangle with the words “24 hours written inside of it. On the sides of the triangle were written “Unity”, “Service”, and “Recovery”. Along the top half of the whole thing were the words “To thine own self be true”.
Woodshave once again spoke up. “Now, we have a nice way of closing. If we could please all form a circle….” The ponies formed an awkward ring, some having to have one hoof on a bench to make it a smooth line. One Pegasus opted to take flight. Rarity spoke up:
“Call me cliché, but I just wished to say that, as an Element of Harmony, it took a world ending experience for me to discover the magic of friendship. Before the existence of these rooms, those who had our disease were simply deemed insane, or a lost cause. All we do here is talk, and support one another, as friends. And I believe that you all found the magic of friendship among yourselves long before we Element Bearers did. I just want to say that I am honored to be welcomed and to count myself among you.”
Rarity bowed her head and began to recite:
May the Magic of Friendship
Grant us the serenity, to accept the things that we cannot change
The courage to change the things that we can
And the wisdom to know the difference
Without anything else, the group disbanded and began to reset the room for the next mornings class. Berry Punch made her exit in all the commotion, and soon found herself on a bluff with her back to the town, and her eyes on the distant shimmering oasis of light that was Canterlot.
Night proper had fallen, and Lunas night sky was a beautiful star-studded blanket across the land. She sighed. A bottle would go nice with this scenery, falling asleep under the stars sounded almost poetic.
Her train of thought was derailed when a voice called out “Gotcha!”
Berry jumped and turned to face her assailant, only to confront the mare who she had gotten her coin with. “Oh, you again. What brings you to my neck of the woods?” Berry asked. The periwinkle Unicorns eyes shifted uneasily “Just looking for somepony to keep me company. If you don’t mind.” She said.
Berry faced away from her and sat back down. "Sure, pop a squat." she patted the grass to her right.
They sat together in silence for a time, watching the stars. Berry turned to her new friend. “Why did you come looking for me?" Her companion looked up at the stars and replied “Because if I don’t find something to distract myself, I’m just going back to the bar right after this.”
Berry Punch cast her own gaze down at her hooves. They both did just walk out of an AA meeting. Did Raritys story really just go in one ear and out the other? She looked back up at the unicorn. Her pale blue-ish coat and straight, mauve mane shone in the moon light. Her eyes were a startling orange, seemingly emitting a light all their own.
Berrys eyes closed. “Why hang out with me? You don’t even know my name…”
The mystery mare smirked. “Well, then spit it out! I’m Candy Crackle.” She put an emphasis on her “C’s” as if trying to spit them herself.
Berry smiled. “Berry Punch. Town drunk. Once upon a time, I…….I liked to draw.”
Candy Crackle snorted. “An artist, huh? Well then, this must be fate. I repair art for a living.”
“With a name like Candy Crackle?”
“Yep.” She quipped. “If it helps you sleep at night, one of the most common forms of environmental damage to paint is called crackling. Don’t get me started on how many different types of crackling there are.”
Berry yawned. “You had to mention sleep, didn’t you?” She laid on her side and rest her head on the grass. “I was thinking of going back to my place for a bottle, and bringing it out here.”
She heard Candy sigh. “Yeah, it is a nice night, isn’t it?”
Berry let her eyes start to close. She let out a sigh of her own. “I was, until you showed up. Then we talked, and now I just want to sleep.”
She heard a voice next to her laugh. “Then I guess we both did each other a favor.”
The purple pony lifted her head and looked across her barrel. “And just what is that?”
Candy Crackles orange eyes met her own. “We talked. We kept each other sober for tonight. I think we could stand do this more often.”
Berry's head dropped back onto the grass with a *thud*.
“You’re bucking kidding me.”
Author's Note
This is a very condensed version of how an actual Alcoholics Anonymous meeting would go. I left out much of the minutiae that is also part of most meetings, such as secretaries comments, other meetings announcements, etc. I know this may stir some feelings in some people, but I ask you all to keep the comments civil.
