The Shadow Garden

by Perpetually Confused

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Violence, Slice of Life, Death, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Original Character
Length: 6753

In the workings of court, friends are found

Shadow Kicker has few friends in life. Lovers, allies, ponies she loves and those she respects, but friends have always been few and far between in her life, and while her bed can be warmed at any whim, few stand by her side.

The rahj have a saying: should one be judged by wealth, strength, by crown or coin? By how much gained in a life lived, or how much one gave? For one mare, who sacrificed all, who lost so much and gained little, who gave all and asked for naught in return, she deserves more then any. Shadow Kicker finds not allies in the ranks of the Sultans guard, but a friend. But in the face of the abduction of the rahj by caribbou, can she keep her heart and honor? And can a stallion with naught to offer but care, will he find a way to care for one whose people so hard to love or be loved?

Published 2018-10-06 21:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-10-06 21:40:01 UTC

Chapter One The Sultan's Ingress

"Love is at the root of all things. That or the lack of."

-Fred Rogers

On the Sultan's lead vessel, a lone rahj stood upon the forefront of the ship, his expression apprehensive as they neared their destination, his ears turning at random, his frame seeming at ease. Across his body he bore the black and gold barding of the Janissary, but across his legs one could still see criss crossing of scars, but none so vivid as the one that lay over one grey green eye. While his gaze held the steel of the seasoned sword wield, he still was a young stallion, one barely through his four and twenty winter, by Equestrian estimate. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes, taking a moments relish in his centering.

One interrupted by a prod at his foreleg. Opening his eyes, he regarded the zebra foal at his side, and smiled gently. Smiling back uncertainly, the filly bowed her head.

"Sawubona Aminat."

Chuckling, the stallion lowered his head and nuzzled the filly gently. Across her body, she still bore the scars of her slavery, but her blue eyes shined with a resolve the rahj had rarely seen outside his own. When he had liberated her and her fellows, many of the adults merely looked at him, some saying there was no point to his deeds. The cages and collars would find new owners within a day, and even if they didn't, where could they go? Aminat supposed he should have felt disgust or fury as High Marshal at their weakness, that a mere foal showed such courage and faith... but he could only feel pity. He bore each of them on his back in turn to the ship with of all rahj the Sultan himself help, and felt his heart swell at the memory of his own, his Janissary and their blade bear took up around them in defense. Thankfully they'd fled before retaliation, and the former slaves had slowly come around, finding their pride again in the learning and work of ship wright or even simple tasks as cooking and scrubbing the ships boards. In fact, a few had woken and joined the other ship tenders in the near constant maintainence, a few of the mare singing softly as they went. While initially apprehensive at the expectation they would engage in a stallions work, the mares had quickly adapted with the aid of the female rahj, who had come from a land and upbringing where the mares and stallions, while viewed as different, were encouraged to seek all avenues of society and employ.

As for their High Marshal, he spent his few spare moments speaking to the zebras of their lives, and what brought them to such a low place. By the tales end, the usually composed stallion found himself pacing the deck, snorting and lashing his tail in his fury at such... evil. He knew of slaves in the world of course... but to hear the matter of fact detached manner the zebras spoke of their suffering, the scent of their confinement seemingly still confined to memory, how anyone could act so cruelly...

Pulling his head from his affection on the foal, Aminat smiled through his heart break.

How any could hurt you child... Oh Maker, take such stallions as those slavers.

"Now child, thats not the proper greeting."

Sitting back on her flank, the zebra tapped a hoof to her chin a moment, lower lip pushed out in thought.

"Umm... Oh! Sabah alkhyr?"

Snickering, the stallion shock his head.

"No child. One more, and if you have proven true to your studies... A surprise."

Eyes widening the filly lept up, then scuffed a hoof on the deck as she hung her head in thought.

"Ummm.... Oh! Good Morn Aminat!"

Nodding in approval, Aminat gave a hoof tap of approval.

"Very good."

Tap dancing in giddiness at her achievement, the filly put her hoof on the wooden railing of the ship, looking excitedly out into the fog.

"Are we near Aminat?"

Sitting down, the stallion raised an eyebrow.

"Why not tell me child?"

Pouting, the zebra hung her hooves over the railing and groaned.

"Aminat! That's not fair! All that ship stuff and reading and writing..."

Patting her on her mohawk, Aminat smirked.

"Believe me dear heart, its only for your benefit. I spent my youth without such things, and it did little good once grown. So, how does one determine where one is to land on a ship?"

Looking up, the filly hmm'd softly... then pointed with a hoof.

"We are! Look, sea birds! The Sultan's wife read to us about them! They're only seen close to land!"

Lighting up his horn, Aminat lifted the filly with a squeal and placed her on her back.

"Correct child. Now for your reward..."

His horn blazed and the stallion seemed to vanish in a wisp of smoke, only to pop out from the between above the upper platform of the mast, the filly clinging to his neck. Blinking, the zebra looked around, stunned silent by the sudden shift in perspective. Above them, the sun had begun to break the clouds, and slowly the mist parted, revealing the harbor town. Looking towards it, the filly gasped.

"Equestria..."

Nodding, Aminat lifted the zebra from his back and set her gently at his side again.

"We've arrived my dear. You may remain at the consorts side mayhaps, but your fellows..."

"OY! YOU LOT, AT THE RIGGING, TAKE US IN LADS AND LASSES! HOOF OVER HOOF, THAT'S THE WAY!"

Smiling down at his companion, the rahj continued "Now, to see to our fellows, hmm?"

Lighting his horn again, the rahj stepped up to the edge of the platform.

"TO DECK, TO DECK MY STALLIONS, MY MARES!"

From the ships opening to the belly of the ship, echoes and hoof stamps sounded, and in moments, the Sultans honor guard had begun filing out and lined up in formation. All total, thirty rahj now stood in three rows of ten, each bearing twin saif and bolt and bow, their helms glinting in the light as they assumed their long practiced method of inspection by their Marshal. Leaping off of the platform, Aminat horn alight in its cantrip, the stallion seemed to float then plummet, and touching down gently, he regarded his fellows with pride.

"My rahj, you have done your High Marshal and Sultan proud. You have, in our journey, offered no less then superb excellence in manner and no less then the highest discipline in the execution of duties. But now, we stand before the lands of Equestria..."

Walking up to the lines, Aminat began to pace in front of them, his features stern as he continued.

"The people of these lands will seem strange and even abhorrent at times. Their ways are not ours, and I know how we often struggle in our own views of what we see as proper in contrast to others..."

Stopping before a mare, he sighed.

"And my sisters... I know many of you have a less then charitable view of these lands mares..."

A few snorts were made at the statement, but that aside, none gave any sign of yes or no on the matter.

"Regardless my rahj, I expect you to conduct yourselves as proper Janissary. We walk by our Sultan's side, and as such, our deeds are a reflection on him. I will bear no marring of his name of title. Am I understood."

The rahj gave out a "Rah, rah, rah!"

Nodding, Aminat trotted to the fore of the deck once more as hooks were tossed and their ropes drawn tight, the ship being drawn to dock. As the ships gang plank was lowered, he drew another breath, this one tasting of green grass and clear streams, and in his heart, he longed for home.

"To our Sultan's side my rahj... to our hosts welcoming..."

..........................................

"Ash... sit straight colt!"

Nodding minutely, Ash Kicker drew himself up at his mothers side as he regarded the tableau before and near him. The two pegasus sat next to Vizier Sunbeam at a low table, the refreshments at hoof unusually rich in honor of their guests. Sweet rolls and small pies had replaced the standard fare of honeyed biscuits and tea scones, and instead of her usual tea pot, the Vizier had instead placed a rahj coffee kettle in the tables center. Ash had of course taken his polite sip, and would have had more since he found it too his liking, but Shadow had stopped him, stating she had no desire to see her son in the throes of a coffee induced state of madness. Rolling her eyes, Shadow gave her son a nudge with her wing.

"You look most handsome, my son. I see the Queen's servants did you right in that regard."

Snorting, Ash's wings fluttered against his sides in agitation. That morning, when Gale had informed them she found herself to ill to attend the meeting with the Sultan, Shadow then decided that it was the perfect chance for Ash to act in her stead as both her escort and informant. While nowhere near as skilled as his sister, the colt had proven himself quite adept at remembering the ways and histories of not only Equestria, but lands abroad. As such, the Queen's Vizier and seneschal both declared his attire entirely unfit for such a event, and had within the ten seconds he and Mother had landed, sequestered him off to one of the palaces bath halls to be groomed within what he estimated was an inch of his life.

Rather then simply allowing him to remain in barding, as he had demanded, then begged, the older mares in attendance had elected to see him put into a red vest with gold buttons, all bearing Celestia's sun, and with a tying of a purple sash around his belly, had then proceeded to send the colt into near hysterics as they began preening, tail brushing, and a strong attempt at his mane into some semblance of order. In what seemed like an eternity, but was mere minutes, the you clan pony had his coat and tail gleaming under the clothing, his wings perfectly attended to and straight (a deed made all the more impressive considering the mare was a earth pony) and his mane... well, they just scowled and gave it up as a bad job. The seneschal did soothe their pride though declaring it gave Ash a more rough appearance, and surprisingly, even Vizier Sunbeam had voiced her approval, and made her opinion that she liked her stallions to be stallions rather then little Lord Prancers smelling of roses. His Mother... had merely stared at him a moment, an odd expression on her face, then to his shock, she kissed his forehead.

"I didn't order you to grow my little wing... When did I grow older?"

Now, his mother had resumed her usual stoic expression, but Ash still wondered at her words. She was never one to express such things, so why... Feeling her wing drape across his shoulder, he looked back to her. That day, Shadow had elected to allow her mane to simple hang free, and while she had allowed Sunbeam to assist in her preening, (ick. He still had little idea of how his Mother and the Vizier relationship stood. In general, the unicorn was plain unpleasant and even cruel, most of which was ignored by Shadow... but he had returned and was stunned by how... gentle, he supposed was the word, Sunbeam was with his dam's wing. She had retreated behind her usual veneer of casual cruelty of course, but seeing them like that...) Shadow had gone with little else in terms of tending her own appearance. She had of course seen her arm near blindingly polished, and her blades sharp, but seemed to be somewhat more relaxed then she usually was. And no one seemed to mind it, so Ash simply smiled at the unusual amount of contact Shadow was putting on him.

Sunbeam glanced around , a small smirk in place as she let her eyes roam over the pegasus.

"Ahh Shadow, I must say you have made yourself most comely today. Thinking to be offered a mare or two?"

Snorting, Shadows gaze never wavered, but her muzzle did give a ghost of a smile.

"Nay Sunbeam. I've heard that the mares of the Rahj are decidedly... selective in terms of their mates."

Sunbeam snickered, giving a sip at her cup before muttering "As I recall, one mare declared me a whore, if you remember."

Shadow's wing tightened at her sons back at that, and scowling, she said evenly "I'd rather you didn't speak of such things in front of the colt Vizier."

Ash snorted, giving his mothers side a wing nudge of his own.

"Its not as though I'm unawares of such things Mother. We do gain some coin from a brothel no? And Lady Sunbeam, I don't think you're a whore."

Smiling smugly, Sunbeam gave a nod of appreciation.

"Thank you child. I'm sure..."

"... I asked the Queen if you were, and she explained it to me. You're a harlot. A whore gets paid for her deeds, but you seem to give it away for free."

Sunbeam smile grew stiff, her eyes getting a decidedly unpleasant glint.

"I see..."

"I don't know why everyone is mad at you Lady Sunbeam. I think they're just envious they can't be as friendly as you. Of course the only ones who show ichor are the mares... you seem to be well loved by most of the stallions. Did Mother help you in your health, because they all seem to notice. I kind of like your eyes more than your rump though."

As Ash continued on, Sunbeams smile grew to a near rictus as she stamped down on her inner desire to smack the colt. He had to be doing it on purpose, no way he's so innocent at that age...

Shadow smile grew, and nuzzling her companion, she added "Oh come now Sunbeam. Its not as though Ash is wrong. And just think of our good noble stallions as ones with as refined and keen sense of true beauty as I. Of course, none of them could match my comely appearance or show appreciation of my natural poise and mare like demeanor."

As Shadow moved her head away, she added in a rushed whisper "... And I've found I enjoy tending to fields that have oft been plowed..."

Raising her brow, Sunbeam lifted her cup to her lips in her aura... and through it hid her auras other workings. Suddenly Shadow yelped, her wings shooting out and her eyes wide in shock. Looking behind her, she regarded her flank for a moment, then turned back to Sunbeam with a scowl, her face and even her ears aflame in blush she thanked any Gods listening was covered in her black fur.

"Sunbeam... I swear, if Ash comes keen to what you just did... He'll try to seek a horn just to guarantee any mare he fancies will never leave him."

Ash stuck his tongue out at that, pulling from his mothers side.

"Lady Sunbeam, Mother! Forgive me, but I swear, you enjoy each other presence enough without having to put it out for all to see. What would the Queen say!"

Sunbeam smirk returned.

"That I should be praised that I maintain such strong ties with both your clan and have such regard for Lady Protector Shadow my child."

Flattening her wings down again, Shadow grumbled and muttered as Ash scowled, then began rubbing the spot where she kissed him furiously.

"Oh stars, I just remembered what you do with that muzzle... Please don't kiss me ever again Mother, I beg you."

Shadow regarded her colt a moment, her expression impassive.

"Ash."

"Hmm?"

In a flash, Shadow pressed her lips to her sons in a chaste kiss, and screeching, Ash began to spit and wipe his muzzle in disgust.

"Tell me not to kiss you again, and I'll have Sunbeam steal her own, then have Gale at you. Try not to ponder what way she uses hers on her husband if you can."

Gulping down another cup of coffee, Ash shuddered as he glared at the two mares.

"Are all mares crazy? If its not Gale chucking ware at her stallion, its you too going all... uggh, are all grown ponies so mired in such matters?"

Shadow gave an actual laugh, and patted her sons head with a wing.

"Trust me my son, you'll learn one day that a mares madness is a worthy price for her fondness. And you being of our tribe certainly doesn't hurt thy chances with our fellows. Stick to the earth tribe though... horn heads are too often ones who can be described as being like a carrot tossed through the cellar door."

Sunbeam merely glared.

"Truly thy mother is such a model of pious chastity dear Ash. She seems to only think of matters of rutt every several moments, as opposed to her tribes lawful three second contemplation. And lo, we can see why! Her very tribes embodies chaste! Why Bright was chaste... by pretty much everypony in the clouds because she'd have a rope if she could get it to stand straight between her legs."

Ash covered his eyes with his hooves and gave a whimper.

"Were your sires so wanton Mother? Is that why your like this, because you were raised by two stallions?"

Muzzle now fully smirking, Shadow mussed up her sons mane.

"Yes my colt, I beheld the stallions ways and found them desireable! You've yet to know this, but once you're grown, you'll find yourself of more alike your dam then you'd ever thought, or desired. The blood of them and I runs true and hot in you Ash. One day, you shall know that our tribe is not only adept in matters of war, but love. Or making it like war."

Sunbeam took another sip, her expression turning thoughtful.

"Mayhaps young Ash wouldst tend to my Midnight once hes of age. Heaven knows she is slow in such regards, and they can learn of things together."

Seeing the sudden blush flare across the colts cheeks, Sunbeam grinned wolfishly.

"My soul and stars, Ash! Have you been thinking of her!"

Seeing his dawn appauled look, Sunbeam stamped a hoof, letting out a bark laugh of victory.

"You have! Oh the scandal, yon colt has been thinking of eros in regards to my dear innocent Midnight! What manner of foals do you raise Shadow, to have such debased ways at such young ages!"

Giving her own throaty chuckle, Shadow took a sip of her own drink.

"I don't thinks it blood. Whatever thoughts or deeds Ash may perform, they will be but snow white acts of purity compared to Gale. She rutted herself cross eyed come her green spring. I thought the Long Patrol would see her disciplined, but no, she returned in full heat and well trained in all manner of deed. I'm shocked she settled for her dear in fact. More shocked seeing how he can keep up with her, by all accounts."

Ash slowly lowered his hooves, his wings flexing at his back.

"Do you... I mean, if she were too... I mean, I wouldn't object if she did. She is quite fair after all... and kind. Do you..."

Looking up, Ash regarded the two mares evenly, who had stopped their laughter to merely stare at him, Sunbeam's brows fully raised.

"I wouldn't think anything untoward... not on Midnight, but once I've grown more... I think I'd like to pursue her. After my Patrol of course."

Sunbeam lifted a scone to her muzzle and chewed thoughtfully.

"Ash... she is to be married. You know this, do you not?"

The colt nodded, then shrugged his wings.

"Your mare or stallion and I could share."

Sunbeam choked on her scone and beat her hoof on her chest as Shadow merely regarded her son.

"Ash... speak true. Do you like her? Midnight I mean."

The colt nodded. Smiling, Shadow drew him against her in a wing hug.

"Then do so. But be sure to speak plainly to her, to make your desires and speak also of what barriers await."

Ash tilted his head, looking scared.

"Barriers?"

"Aye. The ways of Unicornia are strange. Our tribe kin see union in purely court ways, its use in the furthering of its power. Sunbeam will choose a bride or groom, aye, and one hopes that love comes... but regardless, its of deeper meaning you are her friend above all things."

Sunbeam finally had dislodged her scone, and after a gulp of coffee, regarded Ash.

"Child... her foals must be true born. But after... if you two so choose, and as long as you are discrete, you both have my blessing, albeit hesitantly. But I must insist you at least hold thy lamentation till your of age. Their is still much of life left for you, and your still young. No need to rush."

Taking a sip of her drink, Sunbeam hmmed thoughtfully.

"As for "sharing"... honestly Shadow, what manner of ideas are you and your tribe filling the colts head with."

Frowning, Shadow replied icily "That tis better to lead a happy life in the company of one beloved shared then demanding anothers heart broken for some sense of propiety."

"Yes, I'm certain a grieving widow felt boundless gratitude with such honesty."

Ash winced as his jerked, her ears flattening as her eyes saddened. Looking back to the unicorn, he sighed.

"I'm sorry Lady Sunbeam."

"For what child?"

"That you can't be happy. And because you won't let us or anyone help, all you can do is live with your misery. And then... you just lash out, huh? Its like my friends new sister, his mother merely let her cry, and after a moment, she did then went back to her dolls. When I asked, she merely said "She probably didn't even know why she was upset." And... I don't think you know how much you hurt others."

Sunbeam slowly lowered her cup, then looked at Shadow before giving a sad laugh.

"Gods... I did it again, didn't I. I'm sorry Shadow... I..."

Shadow shook her head, eyes averted and tone angry "No mare. You're not. You can't be. Its just how you are, and as Ash said, you can't help it. It hurts, but that is the cost one pays in life. And I love you more then your casual cruelty hurts."

"Ash... Shadow... please, look at me."

Both did, and winced again. Sunbeam smiled bitterly into her drinks reflection as she said softly "I'm... trying my dear ones. I am. But... I can't mend... this..."

Sunbeam tapped her forehead.

"Or this..."

Her hoof went to her chest, and she shook her head.

"You claim me cruel, and aye, I am... But I know I am. I know I'm hurting you, and Midnight... Do you, either of you, know how hard it was to begin to care for her? My child... and I could barely make a flicker in my soul. Where we are today is after years and years of knowing I hurt her but beings damned pressed to know if it was for her sake or out of my own petty whims. To know what I pushed her towards was for her... or me. I should be at least a bit heartsick that I use her to solidify my own court standing... but I can't. Its not even a matter of justifying my deeds, I simply... can't say I care. Some parents might say well, I'm securing her future. She does so on her own. Others claim, I won't make her unhappy. If it a mare cruel or stallion brutish, it falls on her to either accept their acts or put herself as the houses head. Such petty ponies are easily cowed I've found. And even should they be kind, if she is unhappy in their embrace, she need only attend their bed until their first born, then seek out whomever she wills so long as its discrete. I would be wroth is shes so simpering as to accept a bastard in her house, a true one, but such is her way."

Sunbeam stood, and walking to Shadow, sat, and taking her hoof, regarded her in her unnerving way before saying "But you... And Ash in his way. I can't... I can't lay claim of force my will on either of you even if its out of what little crumb of affection I have. I'm... scared. I know fear, but this is worse then a threat of death. I don't want to lose my friends, one old one barely new, but I can't be what you deserve, or even need. I can but foretell Ash will soon tire of me and leave, and is right in that. But Shadow... You accept me. Not in some pious way, you loathe my behavior... but accept it. You loved me..."

Shadow smiled.

"And still do... as much as Rightly, and more then any before..."

Sunbeam grimaced, and rubbed her temple.

"Ash... do you know why we parted ways? It was me. It was... this."

The colt tilted his head.

"But she loves you. That's good."

"But I can't love her in return. I... molded Midnight, made her, crafted her so I could love her as best I could. But I can't with her. She matches me in wits, and in failing that, simply pays no mind to me. Even in my bouts of cruelty, even then, she simply replies in kind and makes it known she still does not care for such things. She has not been cruel in return, but she is by no means gelded and cowed. If I threaten her, she'll merely nod and says she'll meet me in the sparring circle... she will fight me if blows come. And even as I am, in full fury... the idea I'd burn her is something I refuse. Its the one pillar of control... Because I need her."

Ash slid from his chair, and walked to the unicorn.

"I hate myself so in this moment. I hate that need, I'm ashamed I just admitted it... Gelding a stallion, killing foals... nary a blink. But admit I'm not complete in myself, that I have ponies I simply can't live without..."

Ash slowly wrapped his forelegs around the mares neck. Turning her head away from Shadow, Sunbeam scowled.

"What colt? Expecting a crack in this stone heart, perhaps a ballad of a new leaf turned? My need is like much of my deeds, entirely selfish."

"So? Whats wrong with that?"

Shadow stood from her chair and walked to window as Ash clung tighter.

"Everyones selfish. Even when we claim its done of purest heart and of now expectation of return, even then, we do deeds to feel kind, or decent, or to say we did something. There is no selfless deed. And thats a good thing. Our tribe... the clans, they always talked about how they did for us, how we shouldn't be selfish, that... that we were just and right and all we did was for what we had by right. We clipped our own and made blood rites of those who had never done us wrong whether to one pony or even our tribe. Bright is probably wined and honored and made legend... but her sacrifice wasn't hers. She gave her clan, then her foals... and even in the end, it wasn't her, just something somepony gave her. She couldn't even be who she said she was... under the peace, she attacked Mother. She claimed her evil for a death in war, one she started. And while her foals cried and mourned, where was she? Off whimpering in a corner. She didn't care about anypony but herself... but she was honorable. If honor means I have to be her... I'd rather be selfish."

Sunbeam winced as she felt the colts tears begin to soak into her fur.

"Because at least then... I can choose. Cause honor... it means I'd have to kill other ponies, other people, ones who did naught to anyone, because Celestia told me too. It means... I'd have to never call Mother Mother, to say I know no Shadow, all because of some stupid fight. Its means... I have to hate Gale because shes mother favored foal, that I have to hurt her if I can't best her. Mother loves us both, their is no favorite! I don't care whose familia, because familia and family aren't the same! Mother, and Gale... and you and Midnight... I love my clan, but their merely friends and friendly. I care for them... But I love you. Maybe not like Mother or as much as Gale... and maybe I might get mad and go away for a time... but I'll forgive you and come back. And even if you struck me, even if you hurt Mother... I still wouldn't fight you or wish you ill. I'd forgive you. I'd be disgraced, shunned, abandoned... but the nothing I'm left with would be mine, and better nothing then a honorable life knowing I didn't try to be someone like Bright, or grandfather, or Rightly... I may never bring Mother honor, but I'll never bring her shame either."

Slowly, as one does in an act unaccustomed, Sunbeam slowly began stroking the colts mane.

"What do you want then, if not honor?"

"To be better. To say an eye for eye and mean I see others as equal value instead of I see my childs death reason to kill anothers. I want to be a good pony... a good stallion. But I'm not sure how. I don't like what your duties mean, I don't like what you're doing to Midnight... But not being cruel isn't being good. I can't be Mother either. She's so strong... but she's so sad too. I'm not strong. I couldn't a day of her life, never mind what it takes to make me into Shadow. And even if I did, how could I come from it with a kind heart? And if I have a foal, is that my choice? To either be a cruel and cold father or a weak one who can only see them ruined for it? I can't be you. Maybe your not broken, but so strong you can bear all the loneliness and spite. Maybe pushing Midnight into marriage is best, because I think you truly want Equestria to be better. So do I... but I'm just a colt. I'm not strong, or smart enough to change things. And I can't simply see anypony else as toys or things in my way, I can't step on others like you can even if its a game."

Again, slowly in her actions, Sunbeam wrapped her forelegs around Ash.

"I can learn to fight and kill and be a warrior... but the worlds full of them! And after all of it, once the war ends and... and theres no more enemy to fight, what has changed? All that easy cruelty in the world... no, worse then you. The world... it likes doing this to us. It likes to hurt us. It wants us to fight and play your games and tell ourselves were good in doing wicked things. That its okay for us to do it, because we're honorable, or because the Queen said we could... or because someone else didn't want to fight, so we took their wings. We're free... free as the birds. Until we decide we want to live on the ground, or not kill, or live as farmers or candle makers or try to live soft lives... because thats selfish. Its selfish to want to live, or not hurt others who've done naught to us, or to want to raise foals if they lack wings... We have to be selfless in deed for Pegasopolis... who tells us to die in war or kill ourselves lest our bearing our shame cause untold harm to our ways...Because the only thing worse then your loved ones killers forgiveness is seeking your own."

Sunbeam began to softly hum an old melody from her youth as the colts shoulders began to shake.

"Why isn't it enough? I'm learning our ways, I will never shirk my duties, will never flee in disgrace... I'll face all the terrors of this world, feel pain so others need not suffer... Only to return to hold and be told I hadn't done enough, that I spared an enemy or didn't seek out my fathers killer after the war and am disgraced... To come back and find home still there but cast as far from me as can be done."

Sunbeam began shushing the colt, growing ever angrier in its failing.

"Its... its not fair. They claim life isn't, but this... Why? What makes ponies, people... what makes Brights and Rightly and warlocks and all of this?"

Sunbeam stopped... and kissed the top of the colts head.

"The world son. The world makes them."

"But... its makes you and Mother too. You may be cruel, but you at least try. And both of you are good ponies. Not good like Celestia talks about, about harmony, but good... good that you'll do the hard stuff that other can't or wont. That its okay if they hate you for it, so long as their alive to hate you. You don't even want them to be good like the Queen... your both just happy they live. And I know you don't think you care... but I think you do, because maybe... maybe their just like you. Their scared and angry and don't know. They say cruel things cause of what you did... but if you hadn't, if you hadn't done a bad thing, everypony else would have been hurt. You could have run, or let somepony else decide, and would have survived if things went awry... but you killed a foal. Not cause it was you wanted to, or saw it as easy... but because it was needed. And while they would have climbed a tower to shout their voice of just cause, you simply say yes. I did it, and have naught else to say. And they hate you for it... because you can live with being a bad mare. You don't have to see yourself as good or need everypony to tell you it was the right thing... you can say I did a terrible thing, and will live with it. But their the moral and right ones! No, their just the worst kind of selfish! Ponies who sit and judge and tell themselves how they could never... but they would. In but a moment. Why is that Lady Sunbeam?"

The magus sighed, and rested her chin of her colts head.

"Damn right I'm bad. I'm an evil, self centered, petty, entirely self serving thunder cunt... for I have seen what passes for good in this world Ash. I've watched as entire city states fall into starvation as their powers blither and haw, seen stallions weep as the eat their foals and heard the cheers as those desperate colts are hung in pursuit of justice. I've walked the Lost towns, and listened to the echoes of their lost ponies... and know I am in part to blame. I allowed my petty whims to mock their honor... I played a game I knew not the rules too and tortured a stallion to see them in terror... but only steeled their will. I'm... tired my colt. I'm so tired of this world and all the people in it. Ones whole of heart and sound of mind... but only when its most aligned with their wants and goals. They can stop their deeds, they don't have to be me... but being what I am gets them what they want. But... I hate what I am. I'm to self centered to ever seek a pegasus end... but I loathe my life. I hate that... I hate that my blind cruelty, my foalish and entirely despicable doings garner such wealth and power in this world. And it all means naught for in truth Celestia is the true power of this world... all their laws and justice means a tinkers wooden fuck before her. And I hate her... she sees as I see, knows the world... but does nothing. She is a beautiful soul, a gentle a loving mare... but love is all she can offer."

Ash's eyes widened as the mares shoulders began to shake and she gave a sob.

"Sometimes I have too much faith in my little ponies. Thats what she said. She sits on her throne behind her mask, tells us nothing, commands us naught, then condemns us for failure? She looked at me after my deed like they did... where was she? Where? Why did I have to kill a foal? I did, and would again, but why should I when a goddess is but a stones toss away? What does she want from us! My son... please... I need to know. What did we do wrong? We... we did our best. I tried damn it. I'm fucking broken and and horrible and she expects me to... to be her? I can't. I've seen enough of death and pain... While wicked things like me walk the world and all good people are thrown to oblivion. Why do they kneel Ash? Why do they say "No. Not to you. Never to Nightmare, or Bright, or tyrant king or mad lord." I have no faith... because I know they could be better, they should be! They... they don't have to suffer, and they needn't scrape and hoof lick and crawl like serpents to be tossed crumbs. They shouldn't have to be stripped of dignity, be denies simple decency... To be stripped of self and left as one seen as little better then beast."

Sunbeam looked up to the ceiling, begging for one moment.

"I should be sobbing Ash. I... I shouldn't be this way. Its not fair. I shouldn't be broken or crying in my fury, I should be able to cry... I shouldn't hate myself for my need, I shouldn't find such pride in myself... I should mind my lonely days. I should want to be with others. It shouldn't be this hard..."

"But... Sunbeam... you don't need to do that. I like you as you are."

"What?"

Feeling Shadow wrap her wings around her, and whisper.

"And even if you did, I like you exactly as you are..."

Sunbeam clung to the son of another mare, and seethed in fury at her utter lack of tears as Shadow sang...

I like you as you are

Exactly and precisely

I think you turned out nicely

And I like you as you are

I like you as you are

Without a doubt or question

Or even a suggestion

Cause I like you as you are

I like your disposition

Your facial composition

And with your kind permission

I'll shout it to a star

I like you as you are

I wouldn't want to change you

Or even rearrange you

Not by far

"You shouldn't... Why? Why do I deserve it?"

Shadow gently kissed her friends cheek.

"If we reserved such things only for the deserving, the world would be all the poorer for it."

I like you

I-L-I-K-E-Y-O-U

I like you, yes I do

I like you, Y-O-U

I like you, like you as you are

Author's Note

Believe it or not, I am going somewhere with this, but many of the characters of Lunar Rebellion are less evil then they are... sad. Sunbeam, I've learned, is a high functioning sociopath. She is literally physically incapable of a proper emotional, so she has to actually work at caring. Its doesn't simply switch on for her. And its harder for her because Shadow is not one to play her games... nor one to dismiss her.

Bright Charger is supposed to be a monster... but again, I feel such pity for her.

And so, the ascended being left life alone and wept for by none... pity the Charger, who sought power at the cost of others.