Tssss tss tssss ts

The sound of sizzling.

Tsss tsssss

Like fresh frying bacon.

Tss ts ts ts tssssssss

Anon moves his arm. The steady cascade of water spurts from the end of the hose as he does so. As the water meets the air it almost instantly begins to vaporize, creating a billowing cloud of steam that wafts up around him. The few drops that make it to the strange but neatly cut red tipped yellow grass below seem to pop and explode like grease on a pan. Slowly, he moves his arm from left to right, ensuring that his yard is completely and evenly covered by the miniscule amount of liquid that reaches the ground.

Behind him stood a house. A modest abode that met his every need. It was one story, with one bedroom, one bathroom, a kitchen, living room, and garage. It was small, but for a single individual living alone it was plenty spacious. The roof tiles were a rich umber, the bricks were a nice crimson, the windows were tinted red and the frames red too. The gutters, porch, and~ okay everything was red. The pathway had red stones, the front door was red, the porch light shone a red hue, the cute picket fence that encircled the property and the hedges around his front yard were, you guessed it, all varying hues of red.

This was Tartarus, and they like red.

Anon turned around, walking up to the front of his house with hose in hand that continued spitting out steam like a vaper who just filled a new tank. There were a number of unique looking plants that dotted the facade of his house, like the series of flowers that instead of blooms had beautiful looking flames that curled up around the stem and bushes whose leaves and buds were like sizzling charcoals, cracked veins of heat running through them like lighting bolts. The plants all flickered in the warm afternoon light coming down from the molten magmatic crust that constantly flowed far overhead from the dome that was the roof of this plane. As he sprayed his small torrent of superheated liquid over them the flames would die down slightly before flourishing back up even brighter than before. A small smile creased his face as he finished tending to them, gardening was truly one of Anon’s favourite pastimes, second only to maintaining his perfect and respectable abode.

Sighing happily, Anon dropped the hose and began making his way over to the spigot to turn off the water when suddenly a voice caught his ear.

“Howdy Neighbor!” The voice rang from across the fence line, turning he spotted a familiar face.

“Heya Dinny! How ya been?” Dinny’s actual name was Dynsan-Zaranerrith but it was customary in the modern culture of Tartarus to shorten the name of a friend or acquaintance to anything you could fucking remember and physically pronounce. This was something that Anon approved of wholeheartedly. As to exactly what type of creature this was who currently leaned over Anon’s fence with his front hooves resting between the spokes, it was an incupony. He was bright pink, with two large horns that curved out from his forehead just in front of his ears. His tail was like a wire, quick as a whip and strong as steel with a razor sharp heart shaped tip that in the old days would have been used to disembowel his enemies. But this wasn’t the old days and Dinny was Anon’s good neighbor. Anon walked over to the fence leaving a small gap between them to prevent any awkwardness.

“Ah you know! Same old, same old. Maze is getting bigger by the day it seems, he’s halfway through middle-school already and me and Wys are just trying to keep up with him.” He said with a tired chuckle. Wysless-Zaranerrith and Maztyz-Zaranerrith were Dinny’s succupony wife and incupony son. Despite what some people believe, succubus and incubus of any race can actually feed off of the love and lust energy of the opposite sex counterpart. Because of this they tend to choose their counterpart as a mate, or not if they happen to swing the other way. But ultimately, living with another being that happens to have the same biological necessities as you both in regards to feeding and otherwise seems to work out best in the long run. “Anyways, how about you Anon?” Dinny asked. Anon’s gaze turned up wistfully.

“Nothing new to report really. Been grinding through that last shipment of arcane tomes at work this past week. Nothing interesting has popped up yet, unfortunately.” An idea suddenly popped into his head. “Hey Dinny? I got a question.” The incupony’s ears perked up cuteley, eyes focusing on the biped.

“Shoot.”

“So you know how when you get like, fruits from the stores and stuff you can’t really grow the seeds.” Dinny nodded in understanding. “Well, I was at that farmers market they always have on Saturdays down in Ozgolborrough and I-uh- got these blood peaches. So... do you think I could grow a peach tree from one of those pits?” Anon finished explaining. Dinny tilted his head, scrunching his eyebrows in a way that Anon definitely did not find in any way adorable. After a few seconds of thought he spoke up.

“Hmmm. I dunno, maybe? No harm in trying I guess.” Anon creased his lips bringing a hand up to scratch his chin.

“Yeah, but I just don’t want to dig out an area of my lawn and have it not work out, you know?”

“Why not just plant it in a pot on your porch or something? If it grows just transfer the sapling when it gets big enough.” Dinny said. Anon’s eyes widened, he snapped his fingers, a small gout of infernal flame shooting up from them as he pointed at his friend and neighbor.

“That. Is. Perfect!” He said excitedly, his mind immediately pondering where he needed to go to buy the proper sized pot and soil. Dinny smiled.

“Anytime Anon.” Looking back, Anon suddenly noticed how tired Dinny seemed to be and began to grow concerned.

“You okay there Dinny? You’re looking a bit drained… No problems with Wyz I hope.” Anon took a step closer to the fence. The incupony shook his head.

“Oh nonono. Nothing like that. It’s just… Well like I said, Maze is going through middle school.” He gave an awkward smile.

“Yeah, but like wha~...” It suddenly clicked in his head. “Oh OH! Like uh…” Dinny nodded.

“Yep…”

“Puberty?”

“Yep…”

“God, I remember what THAT was like.” Anon said with a frown. Dinny looked up with a raised eyebrow.

“You remember what puberty was like?” He said in a disbelieving tone. Anon scoffed.

“Listen. It doesn’t matter how many thousands of years go by, no human ever forgets the unending series of awkward interactions and in class boners that come with puberty. Believe you, me.” He reached up, scratching the back of his head when another thought struck him. “How exactly does that work out for incuponies?” He asked cautiously. Dinny gave another series of stiff chuckles, his face somehow turning more red through his bright pink skin.

“Well uh… It’s like~

“Lemme guess, he wants to stick his dick in anything breathing, am I right?”

“N-not just breathing.” Anon recoiled.

“Okay THAT is gross, and illegal!”

“No not dead!” Dinny defended. “Just… anything and everything.” Anon mouthed an o, silently cursing himself for his poor misinterpretation. Deciding to man up and give his friend a reassuring pat on the back and a rousing speech that will surely boost his confidence, Anon walked towards the fence preparing to throw his arm around his bud.
“Look, Dinny there’s~

“STOP!” Dinny shouted. Anon froze just feet away from the fence, giving Dinny a questioning look. “You shouldn’t step any closer… For… sanitary reasons.” Dinny’s face was burning hotter than any of the flowers in Anon’s garden, he looked like he wanted to run away and hide in a cave where he’ll live the life of a hermit and never be seen again besides maybe by the security cameras of the local Gap where he’s stealing underwear and socks.

Anon looked down at his grass.

Nothing looked out of the ordinary.

But he did just water it.

Possibly diluting any substances that may have appeared visible on the surface previously.

He was just walking all over his lawn watering it.

Oh God. He’s not wearing any shoes.

He took a step away from the fence.

“I’ll uh… I’ll give-TOSS you some blood peaches over the fence next time I see you around.” Anon said taking one step after another away from the fenceline.

“Ahhu~Yeah! Thank-DEFINITELY sure…” Dinny said, fumbling over his own words, face slowly disappearing behind his hooves.

“Later!” Anon said slowly turning, making sure that with each step he rubbed as much clean grass across the souls of his feet in an effort to cleanse them.

“Yes, I… Bye…” Dinny’s face fully sank behind his hooves, unable to bear watching Anon as he slowly walked back to his house.

*POP*

The sudden loud noise broke Dinny from his thoughts and he looked up, only to see Anon’s empty yard.

“...Anon?”

A strange thumping sound came from behind Dinny, turning he noticed something different about one of the windows of his own home.

“Oh abyss damn it, MAZE!”

Author's Note

Whut thu fuk is this?