Anonymous and The Friendly Fire Folk

Pain. Molten, burning, and excruciating. Every nerve like a lightning bolt across the skin, numbing, yet hyperactive in its sensitivity. Time was a blur in moments like this, raw and untainted by coherent thought. It was pure agonizing experience. And then it was gone.

A dark hallway, lined with black stones that nearly absorbed all the light from the unevenly placed torches mounted in rusted metal sconces that sparsely littered the walls. A distinctive series of cracks and tacks sounded from the upper end, accompanied by the scraping and thrumping of something being dragged. Farther down the hall, sequestered behind a series of criss-cross bars, two ears flicked.

“So, like, are you guys the mindless type of skeleton or are you just employed by the big hoss here?”

The voice got louder.

“I honestly trying to guess what you were before the whole, ya’ know, dead thing. Were you like gnolls? Or the wet dream of some furry necrophiliac?” As the voice grew closer, the pair of ears behind the bars focused and listened intently as the creature or entity rambled to the Inugami about throwing him a bone and how they weren’t being very cordical. Soon enough, perhaps too soon, they arrived at their destination. Two eyes watched from the opposite side of the hall as one of the Inugami bent the bars open on another cell. The creature the other carried froze and stared as the skeletal dog did this. It was a tall creature, perhaps nearly the height of the demons that carried it, it’s skin ranged from a pale tan, to black, to red and scarred, and it was covered in tattered and burnt cloths. It was as though it had just walked out of a firework shop accident. This was strange, surely the creature would have healed in the time it took to be brought down here, unless it was just that weak. The eyes tried to take in the creatures facial features, but they were small and difficult to make out even at this short distance. The second dog haphazardly threw the creature through the newly made hold in the bars. It let out a pained cry and hiss as it skidded across the rough stone floor.

“Fucking SHITHEADS!” It cried angrily. The dogs both quickly bent the bars back into place, filling the hall with the rough sounds of groaning metal. As the two finished they began to walk in pace back down the hallway. Scrambling to its feet, the creature stumbled up to the bars and shouted at the retreating forms. “Just you wait until I get a mortar and pestle! I’ll grind you up into calcium supplements! YA’ JACKASSES!” As it finished, out of breath, the two fleshy clawed apenages it used slid down the bars until it relaxed in a seated position. It let out a few more grunts and hisses of pain as it inspected the arm and thigh which had taken the brunt of the damage from the toss, a number of patches of skin were missing, and a few ribbons of the skin that weren’t fully detached still clung to the edges of the wounds as dark blood freely trickled down it’s arm and leg. “Mom would call that a bleeder.” It said with an unenthusiastic chuckle. As it looked up, its eyes met the large pair of brown eyes from across the hall which had been watching the scene unfold. It smiled, revealing a surprisingly clean series of sharp white teeth, accentuated with small canines.

“So, what’re you in for?” Anon asked with a smile. The brows above the eyes opposite Anon furrowed in confusion.

“What?” Dinny asked.

Part 2

Anon sat quietly at the table with Dinny and his wife, Diglen had taken the seat to his left. The four had been slowly eating while whiling away the time with intermittent bouts of conversation. Wyz was rather reserved, only piping up when she had something meaningful to add to the chat. She had a refined manner about her, not stuck up and also not boisterous in the way Anon often was. Anon liked her, but it still wasn’t the same kind of friendship that he had with Dinny or Diglen. She was the kind of girl who’d invite you over for dinner with the family, but wouldn't let you borrow her thong when you asked nicely. Diglen let Anon borrow thongs, and they always fit! …somehow.

The conversation had died down for a moment, leaving the four enjoying to enjoy their meals and take in the sounds of the neighbors moving about and talking around them. Anon looked over the cheap folding table they sat at before taking his plastic fork and stabbed another slice of sausage from his paper plate, he popped it in his mouth.

“Hey, Dinny?” He asked as he finished chewing. Dinny looked up, seemingly snapped out of his thoughtful state.

“Uh, yeah?”

“Is Maze around here? I haven’t seen him.” Anon said as he looked over the games set up in the yards that the various children of families tended to roam around. He was worried about what the kid might be doing if he was out of sight. Dinny and Wyz gave each other a worried glance before turning to him.

“He’s… grounded.” Dinny said with a long pause. Anon raised an eyebrow.

“Do I dare ask why?”

“You shouldn’t.” Dinny gazed towards his house, a far off look in his eye. It was the look that someone gets when the abyss stares back.

“But we do have a solution in regards to his recent, issues…” Wyz piped up. She said ‘issues’ as though she was talking about a child who needed to be put in a ‘special’ school. Diglen suddenly spoke up.

“What sorts of issues has your son been having?” He asked with a furrowed brow, his resounding voice caused the table to vibrate slightly. With a devious smile, Anon decided to take the initiative.

“Well, as you may know, Maze in now in middle school.”

“You mean junior high?” Anon gave Diglen a serious death glare.

“Fight me.”

“What?” Diglen asked, bewildered.

“Jif if for peanut butter! Yeah, anyways, do you know what that means?” The three stared at Anon, confused at his seemingly nonsensical outburst.

“More responsibilities, same level of freedom?” Anon raised a finger and was about to correct Diglen but realized he couldn’t fault his logic.

“er, Yes, but what else?” Diglen thought for a moment before it suddenly clicked.

“Oh OH! Like uh…” Anon nodded.

“Yep…”

“Puberty?”

“Yep…”

“How exactly does that work out for incuponies?” Diglen asked, curious.

“I have an immense sense of dejavu... Well, apparently, they go crazy.” Dinny and Wyz who had been silently watching the conversation unfold finally spoke up.

“That’s not, an inaccurate description.” Dinny said with an awkward chuckle. He received a subtle look of disapproval from his wife.

“Dear, our son has not ‘gone crazy’, he’s simply going through a change which every succubus and incubus does as they, mature.” Wyz said. Dinny muttered the word mature under his breath rolling his eyes, Anon spotted this.

“Hey, sometimes you gotta turn left to go right.” Anon said with a nod. Diglen looked back to him.

“I thought the phrase was three lefts don’t make a right?”

“No, I’m talking about drifting.”

“Since when were you a drifter?” Diglen asked, not getting the point.

“ANYWAYS!” Dinny interrupted. “We found a solution!” He said proudly. Wyz nodded.

“Yes, we should be able to take him out and about, and back to school, by the end of the week.” She said, tone bordering on frustration. Anon giggled to himself.

“What is it? A chastity belt?” Dinny and Wyz both froze, eyes flicking to one another, unsure of how to respond. Seeing this, Anon burst out laughing.

“NO FUCKING WAY!” He shouted, leaning back in his chair he put a hand over his eyes as he continued to laugh uproariously. Diglen could be seen struggling immensely to keep his usual stoic stare, breath hitching occasionally as his own guffaws threatened to break loose. Dinny and Wyz seemed to sink further and further into their seats. As Anon’s laughter slowly died down he wiped the tears away from the corners of his eyes, a smile still stretching his cheeks.

“No, no, I feel bad. I feel really bad.” He paused to collect himself, fighting to hold back another outburst. “No, that’s awful. That’s terrible!” He paused.

“What’s so terrible about it, Anon?” Diglen asked, clearly baiting him.

“I mean, brace face or four eyes is one thing, but being called CHASTITY BOY!” Anon broke down again, laying his head against his arm on the table as his chest heaved. “How about, the one belt wonder! They'll send petitions to free willy!”

“ANON!” Wyz whisper shouted shrilly. “That’s your godson you’re making fun of!” Anon took a moment to calm down.

“Alright, alright. I’m done.” Diglen gave the faintest of grins

“Sack the sack sack.” Anon burst out laughing once again. Wyz shot a glare to Diglen as if to say ‘you’re not helping’ and looked to Dinny.

“Honey, can you control him, please?” She asked in the way that a parents ‘ask’ their children to do chores. Dinny sighed.

“Anon, I know Maze isn’t here right now, and you’re probably right that demons will say things like that which is why we’re trying to be serious about how to handle this situation with him.” Anon finally calmed down, taking a few deep breaths he sat up.

“No, no, I get it. It’s just one of those things that you never think you’ll actually hear someone say, EVER, and because of that, I have exactly zero suggestions on how you should handle it.” He shrugged. “Sorry.” Wyz seemed to calm down as Anon finally started to relax, he knew she wasn’t one to hold grudges, but apologising was still his best bet.

“So, have you not told him about this yet?” Diglen asked Wyz. Wyz let out a long, slow breath.

“No, not yet. We’re still trying to figure out how to best, phrase it, I guess.” Anon saw the uncomfortable look on her face as she thought about the future conversation they would have to have.

“Just be honest with him.” Anon said. Wyz and Dinny looked to him questioningly.

“What?” Wyz asked.

“Just be honest. Clearly there’s a problem if you have to go to such extreme measures. So tell him about that, and listen to what he tells you. He’s growing up, and if you ignore his feelings or don’t explain things then he’ll start pushing you away as he gets older. That’s when the real mistakes happen.” Anon paused for a moment, like he was recalling something. “Who knows? You might even find a better solution just by talking it out.” He shrugged. Wyz looked down at the table for a minute in thought.

“That’s… actually rather helpful.” She said, a small smile finally gracing her lips.

“Pfff~ Don’t be too grateful now.” He responded sarcastically. Wyz could tell he wasn’t serious because of the small smirk he held.

“Have you ever had kids, Anon?” Diglen asked. Anon shook his head.

“No, never, but believe it or not, at one point in my many years, I was a kid!” He stated as though nobody would believe him. “No, wait. Technically I’ve been a kid a number of times, but that was because of magic and a kinky girlfriend. Not sure if that counts or not.” He scratched his chin in thought. “What about you then? You ever been in a serious relationship with kids or considering them?” Anon asked, trying to turn the somewhat invasive question back on him.

“Nope.” Diglen said.

“Have you wanted to?” He pursued.

“No. I don’t fancy having my head eaten by a mate.” Anon recoiled slightly.

“What? Dude, I’m pretty sure only Jorōgumo and Mind Flayers do that shit, and that was outlawed centuries ago!”

“They also both went extinct because the Jorōgumo females left society because they wanted to continue the practice but the males didn’t want to go with them, and the Mind Flayers died off after contraceptives were invented.” Dinny interjected.

“There’s always a chance.” Diglen said, shaking his head. Anon was about to tell Diglen that there wasn’t a chance because the only demons that did that are dead and he was also going to question why Diglen had thongs in his size if he hadn't been in a relationship but he stopped as he felt something small hit his head and bounce onto the table. Looking down at his plate Anon spotted a small black teardrop shaped object, no bigger than a pinky nail. The smooth surface reflected the light like a gem, it was obsidian, it had begun. With catlike reflexes he jumped onto his chair raising one leg he placed his foot on the table, striking a dramatic pose lessened only slightly by his foot sinking into what was left of the food on his plate. More raindrops were starting to fall and Anon could see and hear the shouts and cries of excitement from those around.

“Gentlemen! And Wyz.” He threw her a wink. “IT IS TIME! The game is afoot!” He hopped down from his chair, taking another pose with his hands on his hips. “Remember me in your hearts, minds, and erotic fantasies!” And with that he began to sprint up the road and out of the neighborhood.

“REMEMBER MEEEEeeeeeeee!!!” His voice trailed off as the black rain came down thicker and thicker and the sound of the bead like rocks on the concrete became a continuous thrum, obscuring his retreating frame and voice until he had completely vanished. Dinny, Wyz, and Diglen all watched him leave in silent disbelief.

“Is this something I should know about?” Diglen asked. Dinny sighed, looking at his plate that was now covered in obsidian drops.

“Anon bought one of those millenium spirit eye collection cases…”

“Really? Those things haven’t been in for like, a millennium.” Dinny frowned at Diglen.

“Yeah, that’s kinda’ how they work…” That day, Wyz and Dinny realized that Diglen wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.