Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence

Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence

Special thanks to my proofreaders/editors: chasethebrony and Rainbowsoldier94

SOLITARY SHELL

Have you ever thought why our life seems to be so harsh on us and we don't even deserve it? It is a mystery in fact, like my life... I was born and raised like a normal pony. I even helped to save the land of Equestria and what life gives me in exchange? Have I done something wrong that I don't remember what?

Sometimes I had blamed myself. I still do it sometimes. I always looked behind to try to understand what I did wrong. And the bigger problem is I can't find what it is... Maybe it is some kind of karma or whatever. I prefer not to think about it.

Let's move on shall we?

Two weeks have passed since Pinkie disappeared. The mood around Ponyville began to sink further into a dark abyss; hope was lost in most of the ponyfolk. The search teams couldn't even find a single trace of where Pinkie was or could be.

The only place left that could be searched was beyond Equestria and even that would be extremely dangerous and difficult to do but Celestia was determined to find the holder of the Element of Laughter.

By the time that the new searches began, I decided to dedicate more of my life to my friends. I know that if we had been there for Pinkie when she lost her beloved husband, she wouldn't have gotten so bad. Since the beginning we knew that she wasn't foalnapped. Even though she was always the happier one of us, she surely felt depressed and left everything behind. She tried to hide her feelings and look what she did...  I know that we could have helped her.

In this second week, I noticed how Fluttershy was coldhearted about Pinkie's disappearance. Celestia please have forgiveness of me but, I had doubt that she could have something to do with it. I went to talk to her one day and simply accused the poor thing to be the guilty one and it even made me think that I was right since she didn't even reply in her defense.

I isolated myself in a shell of sadness and even hatred. Hatred towards the life that was punishing me by whatever I had done. I became blind by these thoughts... Little did I know that these feelings could only make everything worse; feeling that way was an easy way to escape the reality and hide the truth.

Was I weak? Indeed, I had understood how selfish I became, hiding in my home every day, working and working and caring less and less about my family and friends.

I was sinking into an ocean of gloominess and wasn't even aware of it, but something brought me back to the surface. I received a letter three weeks after Pinkie's disappearance; the royal seal on the letter brought me instant hope at the moment that the mailmare brought it to my hooves.

I quickly unfolded the letter and read:

Hi, Rarity, believe it or not but it is me, Twilight Sparkle...

At that moment the letter fell from my grasp, I couldn't believe in the words that I was reading. I took deep breaths and brought the letter back into my vision:

Yes, I think that the months in the care of experienced ponies such as the doctors here, I am managing to get back to who I used to be... No medicines are working but they taught me how to sort out my feelings. Through intense therapy I am learning more about myself... I didn't know that my obsession over certain subjects was something abnormal but now I can see.

But what I want to tell you with this letter is to invite you to come here, to Canterlot, with all of our friends if possible (yes, all of them received a letter as well). The Royal Sisters will pay for the trip and you all will stay here at the castle with me, and hopefully, I'll come back with you girls. I expect you all in three days (next Saturday).

Best wishes,

Twilight Sparkle

I found it somewhat weird to see such a regal letter from a friend but I could understand her. She was beginning a new life after all.

I was astonished by the fact that she might be back with us. The overly dedicated pony that is always willing to learn more and more, was learning something that she never expected.

But at the same time, I was really sad to know that Pinkie wouldn’t receive the letter AND that we would need to tell her about our friend's disappearance.

The only thing that I managed to think at that moment was that I needed to see Fluttershy. After all, she was the one that always held so many secrets of mine.

I immediately trotted to Fluttershy's house. When I had arrived I noticed that she had left the door open (am I that predictable?) I entered in a somewhat hasty pace; she was sitting on the couch with Angel by her side and a letter, with the same royal seal as mine, lay on the couch's arm.

"Hello, Rarity..." she said in her usual soft tone. I came closer and noticed a tear in her eye.

"Hi, Flutterhy..." I extended a hoof and wiped the tear that began to fall through her cheek. No words were needed at that moment. She opened her arms and hugged me tightly. I did the same and there we stood in each other's embrace.

"Can you forgive me?" I said.

"Of course..." she answered softly. "We must see the others, hmm?"

Saturday soon arrived. The week passed by as a gust of wind as we all waited for this special day. Our trip was calm, too calm actually. We were happy to be seeing Twilight but Pinkie wasn't with us and that was something to be sad about, after all, that pony was always the turn up of the group.

I'm sure that Rainbow, Applejack, Fluttershy and I were feeling the exact same thing: confusion. Rainbow especially since she was usually very close to Pinkie.

We arrived at Canterlot's train station and were guided by a royal guard to the castle. Arriving at the castle's entrance, Princess Celestia was at the gate waiting for us. She was wearing a grievous expression, an expression that I haven't seen in our princess... Until that day.

"I am glad to see that you all managed to get here, but I am afraid that this visit isn't going to be the happiest one... I haven't told Twilight about Pinkie Pie yet but I think that she's ready..." Celestia said without even raising her head.

Rarity walked in front of the trio and said, "Princess, we can't hide this from her and if you think that she is good enough to receive such news, it is better to say the truth."

This time Rainbow took a step forward and said, "Rarity's right princess, we can't hide this from her..."

Celestia raised her head and wiped a tear even though she was trying her hardest to hide her feelings, "Okay, what you girls think about having lunch then? My sister and Twilight are waiting in the dining hall."

"Sure, why not?" Rarity said.

"Well then, follow me." the princess said as they made their way to the dining hall, a big room with a huge rectangular table; a glass abode was letting the sun bathe the whole place with light.

Everything could he considered perfect if it wasn't for the missing party pony to rant about how beautiful that place was and start planning decorations for a party and so on.

As Celestia said, Luna and Twilight were sitting side by side chatting cheerfully with a smile on their faces. The table was all set with a beautiful decorated table cloth and the utensils all made of a shining silver.

We were a few hooves from the table when Twilight and Luna noticed our arrival. They stopped chatting and both got up from their seats, coming to greet us.

"Hi girls! It's so good to see you all." Twilight beamed excitedly. She came and greeted all of us and when she noticed that Pinkie wasn't with us, she wore a confused expression and asked to us, "Where's Pinkie?"

Dash, AJ, Fluttershy and I looked at each other trying to think of what to say to our friend and before we could come up with something, she continued talking, "Oh I know, I bet that she is hiding somewhere to surprise me with her party cannon or something, right?" she spoke with a growing smile.

"Well umm, actually, Pinkie is..." I tried to say but I couldn’t find the right words. It wouldn't matter how we would say it, the news would make a huge impact on Twilight.

At this moment, Rainbow stepped forward to try to carry on what we were attempting to say, "So Pinkie is not err... I mean..." I saw Twilight beginning to fear what the answer was.

Applejack was even worse, she kept looking side to side to try to find something to say but it proved to be worthless.

At the corner of my eye, I noticed that Luna and Celestia were in the same situation, looking to the floor with sad faces that just contributed to make me even more afraid of the situation. I wanted to run away and never tell Twilight about Pinkie, but we couldn't hide it forever.

The tension in the room was growing to an insane level. The feeling was burning my head and hurting my chest intensely.

"Pinkie has gone missing." an almost inaudible voice came out from our group.

I know that voice really well, but I couldn't believe that of all of us, that shy pegasus was the one who managed to speak of what we were fearing the most.

"W-what?" Twilight asked turning to Fluttershy.

"That's it, I can't hold on anymore! That's what you heard Twilight!" Fluttershy began to burst in tears as she continued speaking between sobs, "Pinkie has gone missing! We weren't decent friends enough to take care of her when she needed it the most. We are the worst friends in the whole world!!!" She yelled and flew away.

Dash was about to go after her but Applejack grabbed her tail. "Let 'er be Rainbow. She needs some time alone..."

"Okay, I’ll just keep track of where she'll go then..."

"All right, just make sure she don't get into any trouble but don't let her see you. Let her alone for a while okay?"

"Right." Rainbow said as she flew away to keep an eye on our friend.

I had completely lost my appetite, and I was pretty sure that everyone had as well. I turned and saw Twilight trembling, I was beginning to fear the worst.

"I... I... can't believe... when did this happened?" she asked trying to control herself.

We told her everything about Pinkie's husband’s death, the tough life that she was having and her sudden disappearance. When we finished, Twilight was making such an expressionless face that I couldn't see if she was angry, sad or both... And I feared this the most.

She then finally spoke after a long silence, "I’ll see you girls later." as she walked towards the door followed by Celestia.

Luna approached us and said "I will guide thee to the dormitory."

We were all in the same dormitory. It was a big room with four beds and chests to place anything that we brought with inside.

The night arrived like a blink of an eye. We all had dinner together, except for Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash but I knew that those two were taking care of each other.

Twilight didn’t say much nor did any of us as well. All we needed was time and that's what we had too much of.

The dark bedroom was the perfect scenery for me at the time, the moonlight bathing me as I watched the other buildings of the Canterlot Castle through the large and beautiful window. In the distance I could see Rainbow and Fluttershy on a rooftop gazing at the stars. I sighed in relief. At least they were fine and Twilight would be as well very soon, I just felt it.

I turned to see Applejack who I thought that would be sleeping but instead was wide awake and looking at me; she noticed that I was rather surprised, "Don't worry ‘bout a thing sugarcube, they'll be fine. Everything’ll be fine... Just give ‘em time."

"Thanks, Applejack..."