It's a Dangerous Business
Anon placed hoof after hoof on the ground as he walked through the hive in search of his mom. He'd always wondered why his hooves had long digit things on the end of them, but chose not to question it when no one else seemed to. Probably just something to do with the fact that he was the chosen one, or something.
At least, that's what mom had told him. She said that he was constantly in disguise because he was a special changeling, and that's why he didn't look like any of the other drones, and Anon was happy to believe that. He liked being special, even if he didn't understand how or why beyond some rudimentary inkling that he looked pretty weird.
Oh, and that he couldn't shapeshift or fly or do any of the other weird and wonderful things that the rest of his hive could.
But he was special, so it was okay!
His hooves would begin to ache after a while of walking like this. He'd tried walking on two legs before, wearing the strange boot things that Chrysalis had fashioned for him to protect his 'sensitive hind hooves', but the other changelings only looked at him even more strangely when he did so. Needless to say, Anon felt like a little bit of an outcast sometimes, but it was okay, because this was just another part of being special. Not everyone would totally understand you.
Anon didn't know if he was going the right way, because despite the fact that everychangeling else in the hive seemed to have some intrinsic sense of where everyone else was, referred to as a hivemind, Anon didn't have that either. Sometimes, in quiet moments, Anon did wonder what was so great about being special.
Ah well. His mom loved him, and that was what mattered. Only... he felt mollycoddled. They all were, in a sense. The male drones were expected to work, of course, but less than the females, who were truly in charge, and the high female elites, as well as mom herself, didn't like to see the male drones going through any amount of hardship. So it was that they were often given the easy tasks, or in anon's case, no tasks at all.
And that wasn't fair! He was a big changeling now, bigger than every other changeling, in fact. ...a different shape, too, but that wasn't the point. He'd outgrown the rest of the larvae (eating a diet of meat and greens rather than love, to be fair. He thought that might have something to do with it), and was now approaching the tender age of nineteen, yet he was still expected to do nothing! Mom and the other changelings had looked after him his whole life, and while some of them looked at him funny, most of them accepted him and made him feel like a valued part of the hive.
Having finally found his mom, Anon ~~crawl-shimmied on hands and knees~~ walked over to her on his hooves and sat on his haunches, which was a horseified version of saying 'ass'. "Hey, mom. Can I go be a spy yet?"
Chrysalis turned to him with a wide smile, nuzzling the side of his face, but then instantly grew icy cold the moment he made the suggestion. "No, you cannot. You're too young, Anon. Much too young to go off gallivanting and performing covert espionage. How many times do I have to tell you to wait until you're older?"
"Nuh-uh!" Anon eloquently responded, tongue out. "That's super unfair, because you let Thorax go invade Canterlot last year, and he's a year younger than me! Honestly, I'm starting to feel like you just don't want me to have any fun." Anon pouted, scrunching his face up, and Chrysalis stroked his cheek with one of her dark, chitin hooves.
"Anon, we've been over this." Chrysalis paused, choosing her words carefully. "Because you're a special changeling, it takes you a little longer to mature than the average drone!" She smiled, not a hint of deception about her, as far as Anon could tell. "I promise, once you're a little bit older, you'll be allowed to serve the hive in whatever way you see fit, so long as you get my permission first, and it's safe, and there's not even the slightest chance that you could get hurt or upset in the process. But until then, please, let me take care of you. I love you, my baby boy."
She went to ruffle his mane, and he 'nghhh'd and shook his head rapidly. "Mom! You're embarrassing me! The other changelings will see!" Having gained some distance from her maternal reach, Anon put a hoof-digit to his chin and considered her words. "Is there not anything I can do before being a spy, then? Something I could do to train, maybe, or to help in another way?"
Chrysalis considered his proposal. Anon knew she was trying to think of something that she was absolutely certain posed no risk to him, despite the fact that he was apparently to be the most powerful changeling in existence.
...once he grew up a bit more, that is. He was still waiting on that arbitrary age of maturity. And superpowers. Everyone else had superpowers.
Eventually, Chrysalis cleared her throat. "There is... something that you could do. Your brothers and sisters often practice drills for their eventual roles in the hive's shifting room. That room can become whatever you need it to be, wherever you need it to be. The changelings act out scenarios ranging from relationships to wars to sexual encounters to political meetings in there, all to prepare for the challenges they'll face when they're deployed in enemy territory." Chrysalis bit her lip in thought. "You're good with your words, Anon. I imagine you'd make a very good partner or participant for a lot of your brothers and sisters, if you felt like helping in there."
Anon mulled the notion over. While it wasn't exactly what he'd been looking for... something about it sounded quite fun. Okay, maybe it was totally risk free, but the idea of working in a room where he could essentially be anywhere doing anything, running elaborate spy simulations centred around romance, sex, action and drama with his many shapesifting siblings? "Sign me up. Sounds like a lot of fun, honestly. I still wanna be a megaspy though, so I'm gonna consider this practice."
"Oh, I know, you just want to make me proud..." Chrysalis leaned in, giving Anon a kiss on the lips. Mommy kisses weren't bad touches. "I might come and visit you in one of your training sessions at some point soon. I won't tell you who I am until after though... see if you can spot me."
Anon probably shouldn't have been aroused by his mom's words but that was kind of the point of them so he guessed it was okay that he was. In a roundabout sense. Maybe. "So, do you know what drills are being run right now?"
"Hmm... I think there's a relationship simulation going on right now between three unicorn mares and a stallion. They need someone to play the stallion. That said, why don't you go check for yourself?"
"Think you need to ask me twice?" Anon laughed, getting back on his hooves and doing his odd run-crawl out of the room. Maybe he'd just go back to walking, it felt more natural for some reason. "Thanks, mom! I love you!"
"I love you too, dear." Chrysalis kinda-purred, before going back to doing whatever changeling queens did in their time off.
Chrysalis watched as Anon scuttered away, before sighing. One of Chrysals' elite guards walked over to her, the guard's tone soft. "Do you think it'll be long until he figures it out?"
"I'd hope not," Chrysalis' eyes were downcast, she could barely stand the thought. "I've always enjoyed the idea of him being my special little changeling. I think it would crush him if he figured out why he was so different."
"You mean because you kidnapped him in infancy and replaced him with a changeling, right?"
Chrysalis scowled, rubbing at her eyes. "Must you spell things out so bluntly? Look, none of that matters. Whether he believes it or not, he could be an asset one day, but I do love him, and don't want to see him come to harm. Protect him while he's in there, will you?"
The guard narrowed her eyes. "But the shifting room is effectively risk free?"
"True, but there are still table corners and things he could stub his hoof-digits on, and one of his sisters might upset him. Also, while I'm not entirely sure he can, try to see that he doesn't get anyone pregnant." Chrysalis paused for a moment, thinking that over. "Actually, belay that. I'm rather curious to see if he can."
"Understood," the guard nodded, somewhat glumly, skulking off to be a glorified babysitter in the shadows.
Impromptu Improvisational Idiocy
This was it, time to be a super spy!
Well... okay, not so much a super spy, but a super spy in training. Yeah, that was it. Anon had never been to the shifting room before, so he wasn't entirely sure what to expect, but the scenario he'd heard of from Chrysalis was more than intriguing. Playing the stallion in a romantic encounter involving three mares? That had to be the best introductory session he could ever have. Well, maybe it'd be a better one if he was getting to fight in some war or huge political conflict or whatever, or use laser death beams to destroy his enemies and bring peace to the world, but he'd settle for some weird polyamorous thing in the meantime if he had to.
When he walked into the shifting room, he could see various changelings buzzing around doing their thing, though he couldn't exactly figure out what it was they were up to. The moment he'd stepped more than a few paces inside, however, everything began to change. Suddenly, he wasn't looking at the interior of just another hive chamber anymore, but the throne room of what appeared to be an ancient stone and crystal castle. Light shone through the window like it never did in the changeling kingdom.
After a few seconds of thought, Anon concluded that this must have been one of the training scenarios his mom had mentioned. He was noticed quite quickly by another changeling, one that wore an instructor's helm, and his brother walked over to him and looked him up and down, peering questioningly at him. "We got word from our queen that there would be a changeling sent to assist in the next drill, but you're..."
Anon raised an eyebrow, looking him over. "Yes? I'm what?" No, seriously, what was he? He'd been asking himself for years, was he about to get some groundbreaking revelation about why he was so different?
"...larger than I expected," the instructor finished, dashing all hopes of some grand reveal and making Anon sigh. Also, no one ever said that to him in the right context. "Still, you'll do fine. I assume you don't know the purpose of this simulation, so I'll fill you in now." He gestured to the halls of the grand castle, inviting Anon to walk with him, who put one digit-hoof in front of the other. "This is the throne room of the crystal empire, eleven hundred years ago. During this time, there was a high scale political conflict brewing between Queen Cadenza, King Sombra, and the two princesses of Equestria, Celestia and Luna. There were multiple changeling insurgents present during this time, looking to extract information as well as attain political stations that would be unaffected by any coming conflict."
Anon listened and nodded as the instructor kept talking. "Okay, so you were looking to capitalise on a time when your enemies were weak by setting yourself up in places that would allow you to assume positions of power once the fighting broke out?"
"Very good!" the instructor grinned, patting Anon on his shoulder-wither. "You seem quite knowledgeable on covert operation theory for a trainee, it's rather impressive."
Anon smiled and nodded, though he knew he could attribute the fact to the many books he'd read on the subject through his childhood, as well as his knowledge of Chrysalis' schemes and thoughts being a lot more intimate than most other changelings. While he had always been unable to use the gifts of a changeling, he learned and witnessed a lot. "So, what do I do in this situation? You want me to work as an undercover stallion posing as the companion to three other mares, right?"
The instructor paused, tilted his head a little, then began to shake it. "No, I'm afraid not. We aren't looking for you to play the role of the deceiver in this circumstance, but rather the hunter. You will play the part of King Sombra, and events will begin to unfurl as history described them. As far as anychangeling in the simulation is concerned, you will be King Sombra, and will be addressed and treated as such. One particular changeling in disguise will be placed in with you, it is your job to ferret them out, just as it is theirs to remain unseen. Does this make sense to you?"
Anon nodded once more, though he was a little bit disappointed. Honestly, he'd been hoping to play the role of the undercover operative, deep behind enemy lines, but he supposed this would have to do. It was only the first session, after all, he was sure he'd get a chance to prove his skills in illusion later.
Still, something about this sounded fun, and the idea of pretending to be Sombra was still in a sense a changeling thing to do, so he took it. "One more thing," the instructor said, eyes focussed specifically on Anon. "Don't act against the simulation. You should be remaining in your character at all times, as this will teach you how to blend in with others. Is this clear?"
"Yeah, crystal," he snickered, looking at the spires which happened to be made of the stuff as he stepped further into the room. As soon as he got into the main hall, the room's magic took effect on him, and he found that for once, he had actual hooves. It didn't seem to matter if he could shapeshift or not in here, the room saw to his needs and facilitated them. It also transformed the ponies around him, three of whom happened to be Luna, Celestia, and Queen Cadenza, though they all were of course, changelings.
And they were all arguing, quite fiercely. Was that a part of the scenario? From what the instructor had said before, it sounded so, and none of them seemed to be taking heed to his presence yet, so he decided to listen in.
Just in time for Celestia to slap Luna, that was. The surrounding council of nobles and commoners alike gasped at the display, and Luna glared fiercely at her sister. "You foal! Are you really so jealous that you would strike your own sister?"
Celestia scoffed, turning her back to Luna and beginning to walk away, turning to give her an imperious stare as her tail angrily flicked. "I'm the jealous one? Face it, Luna. If you'd been able to handle the fact that I was getting a little close to Som, then you wouldn't have gotten drunk with him and slept with him to prove a point!"
"Wait. hold on, you slept with me?" Sombra who was actually Anon blurted, receiving a very quick history lesson. All too late he realised he was meant to be staying in character, so he attempted to dial it back a bit. "How drunk was I? Was it even completely consensual on my part?"
Luna wheeled around to face him, hurt in her eyes. "You're the one who brought out the wine! How dare you try to twist this back on us, you... you fiend!"
"Gosh, Luna, grow up. We're not in the dark ages anymore. Call him a cunt, he deserves it."
"Like you're much better!" Queen Cadenza growled as Anon tried to get over how hopelessly lost he was. "My husband might have flirted with you and slept with you," she growled, looking at each sister in turn, Celestia then Luna, "but at least he didn't have the audacity to try to keep it from me afterwards! And you still want to pursue healthier relations with the crystal empire? Over my dead plot!"
Fucking hell, was this really what the conflict 1200 years ago went down over? Everyone trying to climb on Sombra? "Alright, alright ladies, if we could please take a moment to calm down and talk about the facts..." It was half intrigue on his part, half the fact that he needed some quiet to focus on who the hell the changeling in the room was! There were so many 'ponies' about, but one of them was meant to be doing something fishy. If he could just concentrate...
"Butt out of this!" Queen Cadenza barked, pointing a hoof at him. "This doesn't involve you anymore, slut!"
Oh she did not just call him a slut. "Well I'm feeling pretty damn involved now, honey!" If Anon had his hoof-digits right now, he'd be rapidly clicking them while pouting his lips and going 'mhmm'. "Why are all of you fighting over who did what with who when there's one of me you could be blaming instead? I mean, honestly, I understand you all feel like you've betrayed one another, seeing as you've all been happy to try and get with me, but I did it with all of you, pretty deceptively from the sound of it! I'm the piece of shit here, surely!"
A second passed, maybe two, until eventually, all of the mares turned to face him. "You know..." Celestia started, eyebrow raised. "He makes a pretty good point." A few more moments of consideration, and she nodded. "Yeah. Fuck you, Sombra. You're a terrible pony."
"Yeah!" both of the mares beside her agreed before sharing a short embrace. Sombra looked back to his instructor for help, but saw no one. Was this seriously how this was meant to be going down? All around him, ponies looked lost, all of them attempting to understand what the hell had happened to set this chain of events in motion, how this would affect Equestria from here on.
And Anon still wasn't sure if he'd even fucked Celestia. If he hadn't, that meant he was only two for three, and those were rookie numbers. He eyed her up and down, knowing it'd be an incredible experience, but there were much more pressing matters at hand, like the magical, ethereal sword that Luna was suddenly wielding. And aiming at Sombra's nutsack. Anon's nutsack. Oh shit he needed those to make little Anons!
"Suppose we have council in session right now," Cadenza smirked, watching Luna brandishing the broadsword about as she spoke. "We would present to the jury a case agreed upon by the rulers of Equestria in very short notice, the full castration of the adulterer and fiend, my soon to be ex-husband King Sombra. Who does the jury lean in favour of?"
"The queen!" much of the jury stated without question, easily a majority.
And as Anon felt a tickle in the air of that ever-approaching sword, he realised they were actually about to go through with this, the lunatics. "W-wait! Not my love-sacs! J-just hold on, shouldn't the jury have to present some form of reasoning for their agreement?! Do we just cut off cocks at the word of the queen here?!"
"We usually do, yeah." Someone from the council nodded as if this was incredibly normal behaviour.
"Well don't this time! Give a reason, at least!"
The sword actually stopped, and the jury was silent for a moment. Eventually, a single noble spoke up, staring at Sombra with hate in her eyes. "He is more than an adulterer. He is an oppressive, unlawful king that would subjugate each and every one of us in pursuit of his goals. What the princesses say is true, he has lied to and deceived each one of them in pursuit of his perverse and debauched goals, and allowed to reign unchecked, will continue to hurt and abuse ponies for his own gain. I believe this decision, whilst sudden, is for the good of the Crystal Empire."
"Wh-what have my king parts ever done to you?" Sombra implored, but the noble heard none of it, sitting back down. Luna and Cadenza nodded, apparently deciding the argument was just, and they resumed in their horrifying, inhumane punishment.
"W-wait, stop!" Anon looked about feverishly in search of the instructor, only now remembering that he could surely end this. "Pause it! Stop the scenario, pull me out of here!" Luna's magic immobilised him, and the sword moved so close that he could feel it tickling Sombra's fur, about to slice through. "I know who the changeling is!" he tried as a last ditch, unsure that anything would truly halt their motions, but as soon as he said so, the room was finally still, and the instructor stepped forwards from seemingly nowhere.
"Well, who is it?" He had a face about him that suggested that if he got this wrong, he might indeed lose his princess-destroyer.
"The noblemare that spoke against me." Anon said with some level of confidence. Confidence and a little pee if this carried on any longer.
"Oh? And how have you come to that conclusion?" the instructor asked, determined to dig further.
"Because she was the only one in the room who could follow what the fuck was going on with some form of clarity," Anon announced, the final puzzle piece slipping into place at last.
A nod on the noblemare's part, and the illusion faded away, the empty vassals of some characters fading, while the changelings playing the alicorn princesses began to laugh at him, lifting him up and congratulating him. Anon released a breath, looking between each of them with a slight panic about him. "Jeez... that was something. Would you guys have really lopped off Mister Gherkin if I hadn't figured that out?"
The changeling that had been Celestia spoke, her eyes oddly effeminate even for a female changeling, her body more curved. "Well... we would have cut off Sombra's cock, but you still would have felt a tiny bit of the pain. That said, nothing would have happened to you in reality, due to the magic of this room. Think of that as an initiation test, one that can sting a bit."
"Gee, do you try to cut off everyone's dangler on their first day?" Anon asked, still short of breath.
"Only the ones we think will pass," one of the changeling girls winked, and each of them began to walk away, hind legs showing off their toned backsides.
But Anon wasn't paying attention to that. He was clutching his groin for dear life, patting it and making sure that everything was still in the same place, even though the blade had never touched him. Changelings could be pretty damn sadistic at times, more so than he ever was, but he supposed each culture had members on different sides of the spectrum. That said... ferocity was often seen by changelings as a sign of affection, so maybe...
Maybe this entire thing was insane and he'd be lucky to get through it with a scrap of his sanity intact. Still, seemed like a pretty fun start, in the widest use of the word.
Still, priorities were priorities. For as long as this went on, no matter what, no more putting his cock in danger. That was paramount, and he'd give his life before he put himself in another situation like that again.
Author's Note
With almost three hundred likes on the story this quickly, I just had to get an update out! I'm real appreciative of the attention this has gotten so far, and I hope you enjoy what you're reading! I'm planning to make this a proper comedy/drama story rather than just one silly situation that smashes into the next, but it's also meant to be fun for everyone so I'll try to take it at its own pace. Thanks for reading/liking it, guys, and for the kind words in the comments!
