"He" is the Problem

by Silver Butcher

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Romance, Thorax, Princess Luna
Length: 3000

Thorax decides the best way to win Spike's heart is to become a Female.

Thorax tried to think of how to make Spike Love him, and Starlight offers him some advice, all she has to tell him is "Spike isn't gay" This Tell's Thorax all he need's, the problem isn't him, the problem is that he is a Him, so he set's off to change that and Win Spike's heart.

I am 100% Making this story because I found this picture while surfing the web and found it Adorable in every way.
Warning, this story does have Genderbending.

Published 2018-10-14 06:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-03-02 21:21:42 UTC

The Problem

Thorax looked through his small notebook full of idea's and schemes, quite a few had been crossed out due to failure. He went over through the failed plans once more.

"Flower's failed, card's failed, the poem failed." Thorax sighed. "And he still doesn't know!" He looked down at the reasons of failure. "Thought it was a changeling Holiday. I sent one on a pony holiday twice! The Poem failed to get its meaning across and came across as a ballad of friendship instead of love." He groaned. "How do I get through to him?" He looked over the rest of his plans. "There must be something I'm missing, something about Spike that I'm overlooking. Something I'm not doing right?" The changeling flopped on his bed and sighed. "I'm only here for the next three days." He muttered into the sheet.

Thorax was visiting Twilight's castle along with a few other creatures for a large party to celebrate a pony holiday called Hearts and Hooves Day, which as far as Thorax could figure out was a holiday about love. It was the perfect time to just go up and ask Spike out, but there was a problem. And while he knew there was a problem, he had no idea what the problem was.

"What am I doing wrong?" He groaned again into his sheet. He was interrupted by a rather loud knock on the door. Startled, he quickly shoved his journal under his pillow and rushed to the door. Upon opening it, he was met with a very angry looking Starlight. She had a red tinge in her eyes, and her mane and tail were a mess. He jerked back slightly half afraid she was about to pop him a new one. "Um, are you alright Starlight?" He asked, noticing her eye twitch in response. "You seem... slightly disturbed..."

"My room," She said with a growl, pointing down the hall to what Thorax assumed was the next door over. "Is right there, and I've been stuck listening to you gripe, scheme, plot, and complain about your mega crush on Spike for the last three hours!"

Thorax looked at her, his face now red. "P-please don't tell him!" Thorax begged, "I'll do anything! Just please, please don't tell him!"

"I won't." Starlight replied without hesitation. "I'm just here for one reason, and one reason only!"

"To tell me to shut up and go to bed?"

"Okay, two things," Starlight corrected "I'm here to inform you of the problem you can't figure out, and yes to tell your stupid ass to either go to bed or deal with it. Quietly!"

Thorax gulped, seeing sparks fly from Starlight's horn. He started nodding vigorously. Half because he really wanted to know the answer, and half because he was afraid of her blasting him through a wall.

"Spike," She said slowly taking a step toward him. "Isn't," She placed a hoof on his chest, pausing a bit to really drive her next word home. "Gay!" She shouted, pushing him, so he fell on his rear. With that she backed up and slammed the door in his face, trotting back toward her room. A second later, the door was reopened, Starlight peeking in. "Goodnight!" She added, slamming the door once more.

Thorax sat stunned simply staring at the door with a blank expression, before finally slamming his head against it. "No..." He whispered, the pieces finally falling into place. "Of course Spike doesn't think I love him, he's not into guys! How could I be so stupid!? This is a huge problem!" He rubbed his head. "How can I fix that? Spike isn't gonna do anything with me! He's so obviously straight! Oh, this is bad, this is so bad. How am I supposed to get him to love me if my own body disgusts him!" Thorax began pacing. "Okay well, a love potion is out. I want Spike to really love me, not because of magic. That's just messed up!" His wings buzzed in frustration. "Damn it, Spike, why'd you have to be straight, you've poked so many holes, and thrown so many problems at me." Thorax rolled his eyes. "What am I saying? It's not like he can decide to be gay. It's just how he was born! It's genetic or something!" He sighed. "How am I supposed to solve this problem? I could do everything right and never get past best friends. He's never going to love me!" He flopped to the floor in defeat as that same thought echoed in his mind. "He's never gonna love me, He never is, He won't, He...he...He!" His ears shot up with realization! "Spike's not the problem! I am! If I want Spike to love me, I can't be a he, I have to be a she! I know what I must do!" He yelled out loud.

"Go to bed!" Starlight yelled, the anger in her voice evident even through the wall.

"After a good night's sleep." He added in embarrassment as he got into his bed. With new hope, he looked up at the ceiling. "Tomorrow the problem will be fixed, and nothing will stand in my way!"

Author's Note

Special thanks to videomaster21XX and The Psychopath for EXTREME EDITING!

Special thanks to KaBar42 for editing, continuity issues, and making a few sentences make better scene

A Strange request

Thorax sat at the table with a variety of other creatures, devising how to go about his plan. He knew how he was going to do it, but he needed to make sure he could match the conditions, and right now, the conditions were not meet. He looked over the table; Twilight was sitting at the head of it. On her left was Celestia, Ember, Rutherford, and Gruff. On her right, Luna, Spike, Thorax himself, and finally Seaspray. At the end of the table sat Starlight.

Thorax was stumped on how to go about his plan. All he needed was any sort of DNA sample from any female and he could activate the changeling biological backup. An emergency pheromone that would force a gender change, to be used if the gender ratio of the changeling race became too unbalanced. As luck would have it, there was an overflow of male changelings at the moment. The main problem was that not many chose to take the magical journey of gender reassignment, especially since each changeling could only do it once. Thorax took a breath and listened to the conversations of the table.

"So how does this holiday work?" Seaspray asked.

"It's about giving your love to another," Twilight said

"YAKS BEST AT GIVING LOVE!" Rutherford yelled. There was a moment of silence before Spike and Gruff broke into laughter. "RUTHERFORD WANTS TO BE IN ON THE JOKE!" He demanded.

"It's nothing," Spike laughed as Gruff slowly but carefully hung a heart decoration on Rutherford's horn.

"WHAT IS JOKE?!" He demanded, "IS IT INSIDE JOKE?!"

"Yes." Spike laughed as Rutherford looked around.

"YAKS HATE INSIDE JOKES!" He shouted angrily, destroying his bit of table in the process. Thorax shook his head, a decoration swinging into his view. He realized Spike had managed to get him with a decoration, while Gruff had gotten Rutherford.

"I shall have my revenge!" Thorax declared, his voice carrying the unmistakable tone of joy in it.

"You're not supposed to say that so happily!" Spike laughed as Thorax took off the heart decoration.

The changeling looked around the table. Celestia was trying to stop Ember from eating the table, Luna was telling Spike off for trying to copy her, Gruff was still laughing as Rutherford demanded a new table to smash. Thorax sighed and looked over at Starlight who was looking at him suspiciously. Thorax looked at her in silence. Then she mouthed the words ‘I'm watching you, buster’.

Thorax sighed. “Great." He muttered. "Like this wasn't hard enough." Starlight’s suspicious gaze turned into one of concern as Thorax slowly placed his head on the table, several of the other patrons of the party looked over to him.

"You okay there, bud?" Spike asked. Thorax gave no response.

Starlight sighed and enveloped him in her magic. "Excuse us, I need to have a private talk with our friend." She said as she left the room dragging him behind her. Once they were a good distance away, Starlight placed him in a sitting position. "Look, I wasn't gonna say anything, but I can tell you’re planning something. So spill, and if it's not totally fucked up or stupid, I'll help" Thorax sighed.

“I'm trying to think of a way to activate my changeling biological backup," Thorax explained.

"Your what?" Starlight asked.

"In the event that the gender ratio of the Changeling race is thrown off, a changeling can activate it and force a one-way gender change, as long as they have a strand of DNA from a female anything."

Starlight looked at him in silence. "So you could take a strand of any random mare's mane and become a lady?"

"Yes and no," Thorax muttered. "If the creature isn't a changeling it could slightly or drastically change my biology. It could do something as small as changing the hue of my body, or something as big as changing the structure of it entirely, leaving little resemblance to what I was before. There are fewer chances of alteration the closer the creature is to a changeling in shape and size."
Starlight nodded. "So you need to pick carefully, and pick a mare with a similar biological structure, so in other words," She looked down at him. "You're trying to figure out a good way to get a strand of Celestia's mane?"

"Or Luna's," Thorax added. "Not Twilight, though. Personality shifts could happen too, and I don't want to deal with more panic than I already have in my life." He sighed and looked up. "So Starlight...will you help me steal a strand of hair from one of the princesses?"

Starlight looked down at him and sighed. "Alright, I'll help you on your odd mission to become a girl."

Thorax smiled as he shook her hoof with tears in his eyes. "Thank you so much." He sniffed, slowly getting to his hooves. The two soon turned to head back to the room they left. "Let's do this!"

Author's Note

Special thanks to KaBar42 and The Psychopath for editing, fixing continuity issues, and making a few sentences make a better scene

Well that was easy

As Starlight and Thorax took their seats they looked around the table. Spike and Luna seemed to be in a fight over who was the best princess, though upon a closer listening it just seemed to be an angry agreement contest.

"I feel my sister is the best" Luna said.

"She's a wonderful mare and works hard for her country!" Spike shot back.

"It wasn't her fault she overshadowed me, I'm almost exclusively active at night!"

"But your dreams are awesome!" Spike said.

Thorax and Starlight just watch as the two slowly circled the conversation to her, then Twilight, Cadence, Flurry heart, Discord for some reason, then back to Celestia

"They're stuck in an endless loop" Starlight sighed as Thorax watched in confusion.

They looked to Ember who was standing next to Twilight giggling at some joke. Meanwhile, Seaspray had taken Ruthorford's seat, who had taken Gruff's, who was now at the head of the table. Seaspray had gotten in on the fun and was helping Gruff in decorating Rutherford. Rutherford seemed to be having a very jolly time. As they looked around, they realized Celestia was trying very hard not to laugh at the odd events and had, most notably, not touched her cup. All the other cups where empty in front of everyone else. Starlight picked up her’s, and with a small sip looked over to Celestia with a sigh.

"So everyone in this room is drunk now?" Starlight asked.

"Pretty much," Celestia said as Seaspray put a party hat tipped with a heart on Rutherford's head.

"Alright, time to put my well executed and well-thought plan into action." Starlight got up and asked loud and clear "Can Thorax have some of you mane?" Celestia snorted

"I'm sorry?" she said. "Can you repeat that?"

"Thorax wants to be a girl so he can get with Spike. Can he have some of your mane to do so?"

Thorax swiftly turned to Starlight. "What are you doing, Spike’s right...right...huh?"

Thorax looked on as Spike and Luna continued with their better princess agreement, completely ignoring the rest of the table. With a loud thunk Rutherford face-planted onto the table and began snoring. Seaspray and Gruff laughed at him, then fell out of their chairs as they passed out. Ember started laughing at them before collapsing on top of Twilight, bringing her down with her. The three turned and watched as Luna and Spike continued holding out.

"...and that was before she was even a week old!" Luna said.

"And then there was the time that She...she...she..." Spike blinked at her and in unison, they both fell forward and headbutted, falling to the floor passed out. Celestia turned to the only two awake and smiled.

"Sure," She said happily. Starlight smiled and the duo watched as Celestia lit her horn and plucked a small hair out of her tail and floated it to Thorax. Thorax sat in confusion.

"That's all I had to do!?" He said. "just ask!?"

"Well yeah," Starlight said as Celestia smiled

"Have fun, and take it slow. I'm sure Spike is gonna have a thousand questions, as are quite a few other ponies," Celestia said.

Thorax got up and Starlight followed suit. "Now what?" the unicorn asked.

"Now I just have to find a nice quiet dark place to do what must be done!" Thorax shouted.

"I know just the place!" Starlight said. "Let's go, I'm sure Celestia wants to defile all their faces with a sharpie."

"Wh...what?" Celestia asked shoving said sharpie behind her back. "I'd never do something like that..." She watched as the two left and smiled. "Then again."

The Hall

Starlight sighed as the duo walked down the hall. "Alright, you got your mane piece. Now all we need is a nice quiet place, so we just find a room and..." She turned to Thorax at the sound of his throat clearing. "...There's something else we need to do first isn't there?'

"Just one tiny, itsy bitsy thing." He said nervously. "Nothing to get worked up about...We just need to mix the mane into a special potion."

Starlight stared at him in silence for a moment. "And how does one do that?" she asked with a tinge of irritation in her voice.

"All we need to do is mix this piece of Celestia's mane into a cold potion with a bronze fork."

"That is one of the, if not the, most specific mixing instructions for a potion I've ever heard." Starlight snapped back angrily "Where the actual fuck do we get a bronze fork!?"

"Oh, I have one in my travel bag," Thorax responded happily.

"You...you just have a Bronze fork?" Starlight asked. "I'm...I give, fuck it let's go to the potion room and do this shit. Go grab your fork." Thorax gave a salute and hightailed it to his room. "Dear Celestia, what the fuck is today?" Starlight asked as she waited for Thorax to return with the fork.

"Nice try though!" Luna added as she walked out of the room with Spike sleeping on her back. "But I will be damned if anypony can knock me out for more than 3 minutes!"

"It was worth a try," Celestia responded before the door closed.

Spike muttered something and Luna patted him softly with her wings. "Don't worry, Auntie Luna will get us both washed up before anypony can see us." Luna had a Mustache and the words ‘I am the Night’ written on her forehead along with a half-drawn image of a monkey on her left hoof. Spike now had a series of tiny octopuses covering his face and his head spines. Luna turned down the hall and made her way to the bathroom when she noticed Starlight standing in the hall grumbling angrily about forks. "Ah!" She sang out happily, making Starlight jump. "I am glad to see at least one pony managed to escape my sister's potion," she said as she walked over to Starlight, who started at her for a moment.

"Holy shit." Starlight tried and failed to not laugh at Luna when Thorax walked out of the room with the Fork, Celestia's mane wrapped in its tongs.

"Ok, let's get moving to the...oh...hello, princess." Thorax said in shock. "I thought Celestia got to-oh, nevermind I can see the sharpie on your face now. She did get to you."

"Indeed my sister did." Luna confirmed. "But I managed to escape and have also saved Spike. We may have gotten sharpied, but at least we got away from the glue and the feathers."

Spike grumbled and Thorax took several steps back. "I'm so hammered right now." Spike sleepily muttered at them.

"Well, whatever you two are doing, have fun." Luna said with a wave of her hoof. "I'm off to wash off mine and Spike's respective sharpie marks." Luna walked down the hall, talking happily to the barely awake Spike.

"Alright let's get this shit over with." Starlight decided "Let's go get you a cold potion and be done with...You know what, I told myself I'd ignore it and move on but screw it. WHY DO YOU JUST HAVE A BRONZE FORK!?" She shouted. "WHY?"

"Oh that's a long and funny story, you see about 4 months ago..." And with that Thorax proceeded to tell the most boring story Starlight had ever heard in her life.

Author's Note

Ta-da, an update you can all thank VanguardLuard for this story not being dead.