Author's Note

i apologize if the dialog is a bit dull.

sadistic guardian

I awoke with a start, I could feel tingles running up my spine. This was not where I had fallen asleep. My current surroundings were odd, if familiar. A sea of glowing grey stone was before me, stretching as far as my eye could see. I couldn’t help but feel oddly light in the soft glow that the stone gave off.

My first inkling of where I was, was the giant planet in the sky. My second was probably the midnight blue alicorn walking towards me, a curious expression on her face. She was maybe ten feet out when I decided to make first contact. “Hello princess Luna, the moon is beautiful tonight isn’t it. Almost as pretty as you when masked in its glow.”

She began blushing and turned her head away from my gaze. I took this time to observe the goddess of the moon, she was about two feet shorter then me. Her ethereal tail glowed in the moonlight like a nebula stretching across the vastness of space. I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if I stuck my paw in her mane.

I turned my gaze from the blushing alicorn to the planet above, I always wanted to see how the planet looked from so high, guess that’s something I can cross off my bucket list. The fact that the lunar princess hadn’t attacked me yet already gave her points in my book. Giving me the ability to see something so few beings got see in person was just a bonus.

“What are you? You are clearly predatory in nature, but you don’t give off a sense of danger. In fact, if I could compare your presence to anything else in Equestria it would be poison joke.” I was a bit surprised by the comparison. Not because it was wrong, but because it was extremely close. I suppose I could give the mare some answers.

“My name is Jynx, I am a kitsune. I am a deity of yet unknown domains, I arrived here a few days ago within the Everfree forest. I am here to bring a much-needed change to this world,” the lunar goddess face changed from one of curiosity to one of shock.

I watched as her face cycled through several expressions before settling on a grim frown. Her body seemed to tense, she was getting ready for battle. While I didn’t tense any obvious muscles, she could see I did tense my tails, getting the ready to strike at any moment. She seemed like she was trying to figure out what she wanted to ask next.

“Why did you attack Ponyville?” for some reason the accusation made me angrier then it should have. If I had purposely attacked that town there would have been nothing left but smoking rubble and ash. I shook my head violently, where the hell had thought come from. Looking down at the Luna I decided to give my answer.

“I did not attack any town. I defended my self from a group of racist bigots who decided to ambush me. But if that is a crime then ill be happy to defend myself from you and your guards as well moon goddess.”

She looked shocked for a moment, like she had not expected someone to claim defiance of her so easily. Now that I think about it, she probably didn’t, she was a goddess after all. There was no need for any more words between us. I turned my gaze back to the planet above, this was her choice. If she attacked then she would cement herself as an enemy, if she didn’t then she would have a friend.

I felt her hoof land on my side. “I will not interfere in your business, for now. But make no mistake at some point we will end up fighting each other, and when we do, I will not hold back”

“Neither will I.” with my parting words I felt myself launched from the realm of dreams and back into my body. It was an interesting experience waking up like that, like surfacing from underwater. As the last vestiges of sleep left me, I couldn’t help but realize what I had done. I had just threatened to fight a living goddess. I mean I was a god now but still it was a sobering thought.

Speaking of sober, I reached and took a couple sips of my sake. It was time to think about my life. What was I going to do? I couldn’t just walk up to the capital and kick ass and chew bubblegum. Mainly because I didn’t have any bubblegum, but also because it wouldn’t work. The ponies magical ability gave them a major advantage over the other races.

It was then I had an idea, a horrible terrible idea. You see the only reason that the other races didn’t go to war was because their country’s weather and seasons were controlled by the ponies. If they had an uprising all the ponies had to do was cause a series of severe weather patterns.

But the Everfree forest, the forest I was based out of didn’t follow those rules. As a bonus it didn’t fall under the territories of any other country. This meant that I could build a empire there legally and there was not a single thing that the ponies could do else then declare war, even if they did declare war I would have an advantage as the Everfree was seriously unnerving to most ponies.

There were a lot of problems with this plan that I needed to iron out. The first was rather simple, where the hell was I going to build this empire at. The Everfree was a twisting and moving forest that constantly seemed to change. Plus, the forest was extremely dense and seemed to resist any attempt at clearing the foliage. I could possibly have most of it be underground, but that came with its own problems. Any flying race besides threstrals or dragons would have problems living underground. Maybe I could use a mixture of both under and above ground buildings.

The second problem I could think of was food, while the carnivorous and omnivorous races could hunt for food, the herbivorous races would have to gather. Which would last in the warmer months but not during the winter when fruits and berries wouldn’t grow.

I did have a solution, but I wasn’t sure if I could use it. One of the books I had grabbed had described something called light-gems. These enchanted gems were used by brewers to replicate the effects of moonlight for certain potions. If they could do moonlight, then it could be possible to alter them to produce sunlight instead. Sunlight that could be used underground to produce crops.

The problem was that the book I had learned this from was a potion book, so it didn’t have the instructions to make the dammed things. Which of course meant I had to take another trip to enemy territory, how fun.

“That pony has a fat ass.” The words slipped out of my mouth before I could even think of silencing myself. There wasn’t much more I could say about the marble white pony sitting at the entrance of the library. I knew who it was of course, Celestia was a bit hard to miss when reading history books.

This of course caused a bit of a problem. I needed to get into the library, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to risk it with her there. Deciding to take a bit of a detour I went around the library and decided to explore the town a bit. I listened in on the gossip being tossed around by the ponies, most of it was trivial but there were some important bits mixed in.

It was when I was passing the police station that I came across my first bit of amusement. I had a wanted poster. Ten thousand to anyone who could bring me in alive. They didn’t know my name, so they had given me the moniker of, tailed beast, guess I was the kyubi now. I almost began laughing at the mental image of me standing on my hind paws and using my tails to support myself while I pelvic thrust magical nukes at the enemy.

Although that did make me wonder. Technically my entire body was a magical focus my tails were easier to use because they were long and had a spot that was easy to focus on. So, I could technically use my dick to cast magic. I put that idea away for later. I needed to continue with my exploring.

I managed to observe the gray pony again, I was starting to feel like a bit of a stalker now. She was sitting in front of what looked like a schoolhouse. I wasn’t expecting the unicorn foal to run up to her and embrace her in a hug. She was a mother, for some reason I felt oddly protective of the both of them. Which may or may not have been the reason I repeatedly tripped the brown stallion with a moneybag cutie mark when he made a comment about the mare’s eyes. I don’t know why he found her eyes ugly. Combined with the bubble cutie mark and the filly that was riding on her back it made her look absolutely fucking adorable.

Making my way back around to the library took longer then expected, so by the time I had gotten there it was dusk. I was both surprised and annoyed when I saw that Celestia was still in the fucking library. I guess I wasn’t going to get that dammed book Afterall.

Id be dammed if I wasn’t going to get something out of this trip, time to play some pranks on people. I made my way back through town to see what I could do to fuck with these ponies. The first prank I did was a classic. I replaced someone’s lube with glue.

The second prank I did happened while I was passing a guard wasn’t the most ethical thing I’ve done. I silently began to follow him. Every time he would stop moving, I would reach one of my tails under him and stroke his sheath. I continued to do this until he was fully erect. I felt accomplished for some reason. Making the guard sport an erection in public was funny but it had nothing on my last prank.

I was making my way to the bakery when I spotted the stallion who had been making fun of the gray Pegasus. He was making his way over to one of the seats in an outdoor cafe. When he sat down and ordered his food I decided to get even for that pretty Pegasus.

I had waited until his food had arrived before doing anything. Quickly casting a small illusion on his food, I pulled out one of the many treasures I had found in the Everfree. It was a pepper, colored bright blue in color with purple stripes. I had force fed one to a manticore and watched as it screamed and writhed on the forest floor in pain.

Now to most people simply putting the pepper in his food would have been enough, but I for whatever reason was feeling vindictive. I quickly used my magic to squeeze the pepper’s juice into his cup and then cut a small sliver of the pepper off the main piece. Putting the main piece into his sandwich I waited until he took a bite before shoving the sliver of pepper into his sheath. He hit the ground screaming as his privates were burned by the pepper slice.

His screams of agony were music to my ears. I suppose that to most people it wouldn’t be funny, but as sadistic as I was feeling I thought it was fucking hilarious. I decided that It was time for me to go when the guards started convening on the screams of agony.

I hadn’t noticed on the way out of the forest because I had exited further in the tree line, but the entrance of the forest was guarded now. There were groups of five guarding the trails. I easily slipped passed them. My paws made very little sound when walking so I could glide past the ponies with an immense amount of ease. As I entered the same fucking clearing as before I laid down in the middle. I would worry about getting people to help with my idea tomorrow.