Cold bloodby SpitballChaptersI. Hate. the. cold. [half-assed edit]Leave it to the mari-... mercenary army?The attack of a canine armydo seasons just change like in minecraft here?the plate of fishI. Hate. the. cold. [half-assed edit]"Aw, fuck..." I groaned out as I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was a massive orb of fire I know and Love, I got up and looked around to see... A frozen wasteland, it looks empty and lonely, What was I doing, oh yea hunting... Aw fuck I tripped and my gun went off in my face, feeling around to only find my face a tuque and a pair of goggles "the fuck?" I look at my gun to see a fuck ton of blood and other shit. "Aw, what the Hell!?" I curse at the gore covered equipment. I heard a squeak from behind me after I cursed, I turned around to come eye-to-eye to a Fucking vampire mini-horse with a black mane and gray fur, wearing some sort of goggles, a hat, and scarf with, saddlebags? Well, that must've scared me pretty bad to put a shell of birdshot into its head... "Uh..." shaking my head to try and get rid of the ringing, I look up to see two more of them they look at me with what I could assume was a shock, confusion, and a mix of fear, "Uh... AAAAAGHH!!!!" the one on the left screamed, it was odd to see something like them, the one that left was blue with an olive drab mane and tail, a horn?, and some weird ass-mark of a pickaxe, leaving me in a dazed state from hearing a scream akin to a siren, it dashed away like a bullet. I stared at the spot it was a few seconds ago, I look at the corpse and the bag on its back I then look to the head... Missing head. "Huh... I wonder if it's edible," I thought out loud then a grumble from my stomach is heard... "Fuck it im hungry" I am not that hungry just curious what a horse taste like... No just hungry... Right? The other an odd hue of bright orange, blue and a pattern of an arrow on its ass, with some wings, sat there for a few minutes... "Hi?" I asked, THAT got it out of its stupor and started running as If I raped it, I looked at the corpse again, then the realization hit me like buckshot... Or birdshot... The fuck circle-jerk!?... [Five hours later and a mental breakdown and in an abandoned camp, I've, "found"] Sitting by a fire with a spit roast I've managed to pull out of my ass and the burning bat-mini-horse-vampire thing... I think I am just curious... OH!, the bags... Let's see here The bags had some weird stuff, let's see, a dagger, some gems, hay, some long pink thing I will not mention... Um ok... Some playing cards, a bottle of wine, a pair of shattered goggles... Obviously, a journal and for some odd reason a spent 12 gauge shell, Some paper with writing... About a week ago there was a weird power surge that almost all unicorns felt from canterlot to the crystal empire, The princess made a bounty to see what it is, she also says to check the east side of the mountain for the disturbance like weird creatures, portals or some other weird stuff like that, thestrals ponies and some diamond dogs live there, they may help in the search, this reward goes for five thousand bits, royal guards have been posted nearby to- Huh there's some other writing there too but ill read later "the fucks a diamond dog'" I say as I looked back to the bag, then to the book... I read the book for a bit and found out the SHE found the shell after some searching for a creature, I looked up and frowned at the pages before that, family moments personal moments, and other stuff, roughly about fifteen years of writing. And her name was Leatherwing judging by the title 'diary of Leatherwing' Now I feel bad for cooking her... Fuck it I am still eatin' her!... "That doesn't sound right," I say to myself I facepalm as In all the time I had I've never taken inventory of what I had with me ... semi-auto shotgun bolt-action rifle double-action revolver thick jacket with pockets two-way toque currently orange A Fuck ton of ammo for guns some now cooking horse meat cyanide... Why? a first aid kit glow sticks can of beans... Fuck it asorted butcher/cleaning tools some survival stuff some awesome looking dagger a deck of cards journal and a screw loose in my head. With my list done I look up and eat my catch, still somehow scared for the fact I feel no remorse for the girl... Mare? Whatever... [a few days and being attacked by the human-dog things with clubs crossbows and swords] [and basically becoming a pirate: murder, theft, and, hostages for example] BANG the shot echoed for a through the village as I put down my fourth dog today, By the way, I may have started a war between the newly established Hork-dork republic and the Ddog-faggot-brigade as I like to call it, for my part minor injuries and no casualties, for them... About nine or fewer deaths in their ranks and bullet wound galore, "AaAAAIIIEEEEeee" an armoured dog shrieked in pain as he fell to the .357 round in his left leg, "We not fail again ape dog! Circle-jerk!" one said in very annoying broken English " Just leave me the fuck alone!" I responded to the veteran dog I know as Samuel, he and I didn't meet under good circumstances, as in I ate a close friend, leatherwing... Yea the journal mentioned that. Also on another note, golden armoured ponies are patrolling by day and by night the bat-vampire ones by night Looking at Samuel I began to talk " seriously dude you don't have the ma- dog-power to take me." I told him. He just glared at me, "sam I told you I ain't an ape nor dog ya dingus" he just aimed a crossbow at me, I however seen this and shot it out of his hand... Now he's pissed that I blew his index off "sam-"I began but was cut off as an armoured pony in gold armour came to his side she was short as were all of the others, gold armour white and a blue broom thing on top, "Stand down beast!!!" aww cute "by the order of the princess you will be taken into custody were you will face tra- BANG -AAail" she screamed as I fired a .308 near her and debris flew around, she looks honestly scared now the D-dogs long since did a "tactical retreat" because when I pull out the rifle I look to kill... at least that's what they think I did it to scare them and the smell of piss hit my nose "heh you ponies are cute you know that" she shivered at my comment, I hope in fear, "tell your cuteness defence force won't do shit but cute me to death" she nods and darts I think there called earth ponies, the ones with no horn or wings but I can't tell with the armour, not a unicute but probably a pegafluffle... yes I've given them names like the shinepones are the ones in silver armour and shine like a lighthouse now the village, I saw it from far away, mostly the three in a half-foot ponies and griffins maybe some diamond dogs but I don't care the reason I came here was to look for fruit or vegetables... oh the fuck is that in the distance, there about sixteen kilometres away is a large crystal eyesore I'll check it out later because in a house I see a pony... letting a sadistic laugh to scare my enemies, weird how I've been treating this place as a playground kicking the door in (i think it opened outward judging by the crack) I continue my fuck-you-all taunt with a "Heres Jonny" thing [one hour later] well fuck there's pink a horned pegafluffle here now] "javelin heart, you said it was here," said the pink one "hello?" the same gold armoured one from before looked at me, like directly into my eyes "fuck she sees me" the pink one follows her line of sight and tilts her head, which turned into a glare as she saw me in the window... [uh fuck] " fuck! fuck! fuck! fuck! fuck! fuck! fuck!" you know I think this is karma for me being an asshole to these things "no fuck fuck fuck fuck" she's on my ass with a metric fuck ton of guards, not wanting to make it worse I didn't shoot back as they pelted the general direction of me with bolts and arrows and... motherfucker they call it magic I just call it mini-launched-plasma-shit or M.L.P.Shit... heh ow there's a burn on my back and a bolt in my leg, unfortunately still alive I was going to turn around and yell profanities but the glare the pink one was making me nearly shit myself and so I run!!! Author's Note opening for this story don't expect much from this what should happen to our dumbass sadistic and cynical human also, I am not going to pay much attention to this but I'll try if it does go somewhere he doesn't really like to use his name but he calls himself circle-jerk... yea Leave it to the mari-... mercenary army?I awake... Warmth. Nice and warm. And a gentle humming and very bumpy. But- uh... Very muffled gunfire And something hot... Hot. I open my eyes and look down to a spent casing of a big gun “Oh damn!” it hurt very little but still. Kicking it away I look at my surroundings only to see a slanted roof and a bunch of supplies, some boxes a gun rack, belt-fed machine gun... Holy shit... Well, I am in a car. A big car that smells like piss, diesel, blood, and cigarette smoke, ”don’t shoot at them!” I hear a voice. Muffled, like outside of the car ” just suppress them” “Suppress this” another voice. Then accompanied by muffled gunfire and more large brass casings hitting the floor and rolling towards me. There’s a slice of a blade and with a cry of pain, a body falls out of a gun I didn’t see. He gets up and I see a face, a tattoo of a shamrock, this guy’s most eye-catching thing is the armour. Like a Russian helmet and a puffy jacket with a vest. He looks at me and crawls to a rack and takes a gun, then a bag. He then gives it to me “Hey lad, take this, open the trunk and fire!” I nod at the intimidating guy Moving back, I pull a lever and open the trunk with a pop, it opens to reveal pure fucking chaos There’s pegaflu- fuck, this is serious. Flyers, multiple species. Almost all armoured and in wedge formations. Uh, three formations of ten to be exact There’s a carriage in the sky shooting arrows at us. I look at the gun to see its a long Ak? No, an RPK, right? Anyways opening the bag I see three things two drums of ammo and one grenade... Cool. Taking one round out of the drum I see it says ‘7.62x39’ i look at the gun and see a serial number company info and the same ‘7.62x39’ all stamped to the barrel I load a mag in and take the bipod and unfold it. Placing it in a comfortable position, I aim. And fire. *click* oh, cocking the gun. Then taking the safety off, I aim the gun again and start firing *thrs-* and ringing, well then. Remembering something look for them and find them. They are basic earplugs. Probably will not help now but still. later And I am a terrorist. Judging by the poster stapled to the wall. “So now I am worth 50.000 bits,” I say out loud “Damn kid you do a lot in a week” “I was here for more than a week” “Too bad I say its a week,” the grizzled man says. “Ah fuck you,” I say as I walk out of the tent “former SAS my ass,” I think I hit a nerve “ sorry sir!” I apologize and run out. I then walk into a camp eleven tents, forty people all in this camp. My stomach grumbles and I walk to a tent labelled mess hall I see a dude managing the food and I try to make conversation “so... You eat horse before” he looks shocked but then he answers “The fuck dude” and plops some porridge in a bowl and hands it out to me. I grab it say my thanks and walk to a table, slightly embarrassed. Overtime the mood lightens and I feel... Calm. The next day I walk my way to a nearby hill of snow, it has a little encampment. It’s just some desert camo sandbags and a camo net... Again miscoloured I look to see three dudes all looking about... East. “Hey, dipshits what are you doing” they all look at me and one sends a glare at me. “What did you call me?” he asks. “I asked what are you doing.” The man then goes back to his binoculars. “We see some weird figures in the distance” “Yeah, what kind?” I inquire “Uh... Here look for your self” he hands me the binoculars and I look through it “They look human but the proportion of their hands and legs are fucked up!” I look back at them and say “uh... They ain’t human” he looks at me and raises an eyebrow “What do you mean?” “These fuckers don’t like me.” “How so?” “I killed the leaders best friend” “Should I sound the alarm?” “If they approach sound it” I’d tell them to shoot but the things I overheard before the moments I ran into a diamond dog is Them talking about ‘the other packs’ “Can you tell us their armament?” he askes “Spears, clubs, crossbows, gas bombs, impact bombs and they got numbers.” I think as I say these. Most of their weapons are primitive and stupid. The most advanced thing I see them use is a... Well, it is like a mortar: plop a bomb in the tube and using m.l.p.shit it launches sky high. Also catching me off guard a few times... “Oh and short-range mortars” the looked shocked but don’t question it. I also see a man to my left start writing something in a notebook. “Any suggestions in close quarters?” “Fuckin run.” I breathe in... And exhale “hand to paw didn’t go so good the first time I got into a fight with one” I pull up a sleeve and I see three scars. “It damn nearly broke my arm just by grabbing it” “And armoured targets or vehicular assets?” what? Oh, cars and armour. “The most I see here is horse-drawn carriages, so... Armoured carriages?” I say. “Their armour is at best thin iron plates at worse there are scrap and salvaged armour” “Ah okay” I see the guy to my left just get done writing “what about a flag?” he wanted more “a designation would be nice” “Uh... The only flag I’ve seen is them flying a red flag with a diamond emblazoned on it. And their called diamond dogs.” “Heh, you just come up with that chief?” “No, they call themselves that and I quote ‘strong diamond dog pack’ is the most said thing among them” “Okay, you can go back to whatever you were doing” I just walk two feet and sit on a stack of green ammo boxes. They all look and I then shrug and go back to scouting The attack of a canine armyAuthor's Note Good morning everyone. This story will receive more attention, though not right away https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=We9qOg9tnCw this is where the video came from The attack of a canine army A siren inside the base was all the warning needed for civilians to run into some tunnel. “If you can shoot take the rifle in the box” one of the guys I was with said. ’damn his personality went from joking to serious in a second’ I thought to myself. Walking to the aforementioned box. I open the latches and I see a rifle. I see a tag attached to the barrel “is this new?” I ask the merc, He replies with a nod. “That’s cool”. I look at the tag and see ‘savage arms, MSR Patrol, .223 Rem.’ I’ve heard of the company but never heard about them making these. I run to down the slope towards the gunfire. Pressing the mag release I see the magazine is empty. Running past a panicking man I finally make my way to what I can assume was an APC with a big gun. “Civvie? Are you gonna help?” a guy in the APC asks. “Yes, sir!” I yell. He reaches down and picks up a bandolier and tosses it to me “since ya got that, here some 5.56.” I caught it and thanked him. Walking to the edge of the snow trench a woman gave me a helmet. It was a generic modern army helmet. Okay... I’ve done this before *’Bang’* *’Bang’* my mind reacted quickly at the noise “Morters!!” I warned. Everyone fell to the ground as the sound of whistling reached us. The ground shook and my ears started ringing. The shell hit a tower, Then another shell hit the other tower. I hear the APC come to life. -ringing intensifies- Seems as though I wasn’t the only one affected by the gun, for example, there was a dude who was unfortunate enough to walk under the barrel, then a woman who was caught in the muzzle blast by the shot knocking her out cold. At least they were wearing helmets. Well, there’s me. I was ultimately alright. Putting the earplugs I still had I went to fight. [celestia] I had tried to convince the diamond dog alpha to wait and try diplomacy but they ’insisted’ to let them handle it. *’Bang’* *’Bang’* her ears flattend as she saw the diamond dogs fire what they called artillery. At first, she didn’t know what they did. She saw two black streaks of smoke soar towards the encampment and two explosions rocked the tundra. Her anger got the better of her and she walked to the dogs who launched the bombs. *’Bang’* *’WHizzzzzz’* ’Boom’ She felt many hot metal fragmets, blood and armour hit her. Somehow not causing little damage to herself but. She looked at the dogs and... They were reduced to nothing. She was vaguely aware the dogs were charging. [the human camp] I looked at the charging army, Running seemed smart but I have to much pride for that. The ringing in the back of my head continues but it’s much lower. I was assigned to a weapons fireteam. A machine gunner opens fire. The gunner doesn’t let up until he runs out. When he did run out the machine gunner next to me started her shift. “Take out the big guy” our leader orders the gunner. “Yes, lance corporal” the machine gunner answers she then moves the gun a little to the left and to my surprise I see Samuel. “KIll that motherfucker” I point and say. Sam like the big boy he is, tanks these shots “Holy shit!” all three of us say the fourth of our team arrives with more boxes just as the gunner runs out. The other machine gun crew started their shift. I decide to be helpful and I open fire on Samuel. He then notices me... “AAAAAAA-” he didn’t get to finish his howl as a heavy machine gun rips him apart. I look behind me to see the same truck I arrived in. It was firing at what I observed to be D-dogs with heavier armour. I hear our temporary leader’s radio come alive with “2-5 tell all your guys to open fire, over”. He responds with “Good copy lieutenant, over” he looks to us “alright half of this team are civvies so I am gonna say you will kill another living being.” he said to me and the dude who brought the crates “so fire at will!” he yells. The man next to me holds a shakey rifle to his shoulder. His rifle is like mine, except he has a bipod. I raise my rifle to me should and switch to semi-automatic... The only other selector on the rifle I let off a shot on a poor dog. It hits his left arm The guy I’ll call ‘Caliber’ fires and the round strikes between the eyes of a wolf-like D-dog, he looks like he saw a dead body... Wait- nevermind. I take a few more shots on a dog that was about to throw an orb leaking gas. He drops it and the bomb explodes in a thick yellow mist “Gas Gas Gas” someone in a panic yelled. The mist luckily for us started to flow towards their lines. A kid ran to me wearing a gas mask hauling a crate came to give us a mask. He handed me one, ducking down I took my helmet off and strapped the mask on. Dawning a mask and a helmet hindered my vision. I get up and back in a firing position. Only for me to stop and let my mouth hang. The gas was making the dog’s skins start melting off... When they used this on me I usually just avoid the cloud. “Oh shit,” the LCpl says in slight remorse At this point, the D-Dogs realized their mistake and started retreating. I at this moment started taking shots near them and not killing them. Others did the same. “Alright, idiots we should pack up and move into the mountains” I hear a woman positioned on the remaining tower, yell. “Move start packing!” the LCpl orders us I did as ordered... Damn. [hours later] We were all either on trucks or sitting on armoured vehicles as we left the camp, all forty of us crammed into cars or APC’s. “Aw man, that was a slaughter.” ‘Caliber” says, “Don’t worry. Hopefully, we don’t have to run into anything else” the gunner says We lost five good people... Well. I am alive. That’s what matters [unknown] I look at the newspaper and what I see makes me feel sick to my stomach ‘ponies being slaughtered by humans’ was the headline... He looked around noticing the glares from ponies He noticed ponies tried avoiding him... He had no affiliation with these humans. The first human to make contact: Anonymous. Was being shunned. At least his friends never left his side. do seasons just change like in minecraft here?Author's Note damn sorry, these take so long. I have a good idea then later when I get to my computer I physically couldn't wright it until a week later where I forget it. so basically this sat here at 400 words until I got off my lazy ass and wrote it do seasons just change like in minecraft here? *’Bang’* *’Crack’* I fire wildly into the rocky ravine. A few hours ago we were ambushed by these dragon/Wyvern fucks I called Discount Dragons. I ran into another, its Long body I have observed to be seven feet in length and has a wingspan of twenty feet. They also look like dragons from china’s mythology. *’Bang’* I fire In the general direction of the Discount Dragons. “Rah! Ape RAH!!” “Did you just fuckin talk!!” *’Bang’* i fire again *’Bang’* and again *’Bang’* and again *’Bang’* and again... We were all regrouping when we heard ‘whizz’ i look to my left and see... A Pegafluffle, fast and low. Probably a scout I look at the line of body bags. For the first time since I got here... I feel sad... Then anger by the looks of it I wasn’t the only one. “Hey pirate, come and help me with this” I didn’t react because it isn’t my name- *’dink’* a bullet casing hit my helmet “I said get over here!” my lance corporal ordered “Okay, fuck!” I whined We spent the next half hour hauling bodies into a medical truck, We heaved a poor sod into the truck, “Okay, one more.” Both of us walk to the next bag and, to my surprise and horror, the body inside is child-sized. “O-oh shit” I whisper. “Shit man,” he commented. “Okay, we should put the kid into the truck” Equestria somewhere in the middle of the night “What in Goddamn” the lance corporal next to me said. I was seated by a .50 cal machinegun, he was the gunner, my helmet was over my eyes “What is it Trou de cul” I exclaim “It’s the fuckin grass chienne cul Putain de pédé” I roll my eyes and look around... Holy shit, the snow just changes to the grass here. ... “Where we going again?” “Lieutenant is still thinking about that,” he said. A few awkward minutes later he asked: “french eh?” “What? No, I live in Canada” he looked me over “Then why do you speak french,” he asked again “Why do you speak it?” I countered “I am a translator. Yarrağımı ye” “What?” “Nevermind” “Okay” Eventually, we made it to a Forest... “AaAaaAAaAaaAaAAWWwwWooOoOooO!!~~ and more “Is... Is that a wolf “aaaAAAGgh!!” The forest lit up with gunfire and screams *’Pop’* *’Pop’* *’Pop’* “Get me outa here!” this dude yells He is running to us, Only for him to get Taken right of his feet by a Wolf “AAAGh Help *’Crunch’* “AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH” *’Crack’*... “Yo! Get shooting” his radio Screeched. Heavy calibre rounds fired and the poor wolves never stood a chance. The Wooden wolves realized they lost a third of their numbers and retreated into the forest. I stared as the wood wolves merged into the Trees. Then I looked at the man who just got wrecked. “Medic!” ”The medic just fucking died!” “Well get someone as good as a medic!” “she’s dead too!” somemore time later I move with my team through the forest. Our mission? We got a call from a clearing nearby. From what I can gather, a month or so back they sent some dudes out here and this is the first time they heard from one of the agents. We walk slowly into a path “We are near the meet up” “I am hungry” “Mee too matt” “Your names matt?” I ask “and I am a bit peckish myself” he looks at us... “Did you not eat breakfast?” the three of us shook our heads and he sighed “look we can eat when we get to the Rendezvous” he told us. After a bit more sneaking around the forest and we see an old man sitting on a rock with binoculars wearing a suit I forgot the name of. Aka he looks like a walking bush. The LCpl crouch-walks and then he stands up “You can stop kids, I saw you from a mile away.” “Aw fuck” ”*snap!*” I look behind me to see calibre on the ground with a vine around his foot “Go and help him, I and Jil will talk to the old coot” I nod in confirmation. I go to grab him and he tries to use his hands to cut vines as thick as a person’s arm “Damnit man! How’d this happen?” he looks up at me “I was just standing here, I felt something grab my leg then I was pulled” “Not the weirdest way to cover up you tripped mate,” I said carelessly just as I finished I felt something grab my leg. LCpl. Matt “Yeah, thanks for the info... You wanna head back with us or?” “I’ll stay and keep giving you information about this area” he looks at me and says “listen, son, I got very little time in my left.” he completes. “Damn... Okay, I’ll see you in hell man” he chuckles and pats the back of my helmet. “So how long did you serve the company?” “I was there for a while. Mostly just logistics, I was a pilot during the Vietnam war and the Korean war.” he just finished when he looked at me then to my right. “You better help your subordinates” “Huh?” I turned around and... ‘civvie one’ and pirate were hanging upside down. “Guys what the hell!” I yell one hour later and back with circle jerk or “pirate.” “So...” calibre asked awkwardly. “So?” Matt asked as he messed with his radio “What did he tell you?” all of us were enjoying a meal as we sat by the fire as everyone else mingled or got yelled at. “Well I already told the Lt” he looked at his meal and continued " by the old man’s info military personnel will be split into two squads one will be big and protect the left and our team will defend the right along with another team” “Do we have the manpower?” Jil asked “Honestly the other fireteam’s one man short and the civvies number around fourteen” he looked at the APC I now know is an MGS. “The other squad’s barely a squad” “Damn how many did we lose?” “Damn I dont know... Jenny, Kevin, Marty, Paul, john. In the two towers back at the camp. Tim, Garrison, Alan, Jake, Ryan, Bob, and Chris. When we were attacked by those wyverns. Then there’s Lisa and Dan who were killed by those wolves, And the civvies killed by all of those three instances were about ten” ... We all stayed silent “how many are left?” “Hey now let’s not get depressed... We still gotta save ourselves,” Jil tried her best to lighten the mood. A guy in the truck broke down into tears. “Oh goddamnit,” Matt complained. I sat up, stretched and said “Well, imma take a walk.” “Good luck” calibre said but I ignored it. the plate of fishThis is agony. I keep running and running. But they just chase. I look behind me again, only to see the small army massing... Okay I am exaggerating. There’s about eleven of em and I am not that hurt just an arrow... Fuck it, it really fucking hurts. The snow started somewhere back at the village and most of the guards stop chasing me. The only reason they can’t keep up is probably the Birdshot once in a while hitting them. I point my shotgun back at them just hoping to slow em but when I do fire *bang* I see three go limp and don’t get up, and some of the armoured flinch. Oh, fuck! “Stop!” not so cute any more gold one orders me. Also, the rest are wearing silver armour. “NO!!” I yell back I point my gun again but only for an arrow to strike the stock “ah! Fuck you!” I grab my pistol and aim properly at the gold one. *bang* and blood spray. The silver ones question themselves and stop running. “I am GOD!!!!” I tell them and then *Dakka* *Dakka* *Dakka* *Dakka* *Dakka* Ringing and the faint sound of an engine I keep my pace only for me to hit something hard... I open my eyes while I was still dazed. Only to see what appears to be s glorified truck... Wait, no it is an Army car a... Hummer... No thats is the civilian one right? Uh, its called an HMMWV if I am not mistaken but what- uconsiousness Author's Note well then HI!
I. Hate. the. cold. [half-assed edit]"Aw, fuck..." I groaned out as I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was a massive orb of fire I know and Love, I got up and looked around to see... A frozen wasteland, it looks empty and lonely, What was I doing, oh yea hunting... Aw fuck I tripped and my gun went off in my face, feeling around to only find my face a tuque and a pair of goggles "the fuck?" I look at my gun to see a fuck ton of blood and other shit. "Aw, what the Hell!?" I curse at the gore covered equipment. I heard a squeak from behind me after I cursed, I turned around to come eye-to-eye to a Fucking vampire mini-horse with a black mane and gray fur, wearing some sort of goggles, a hat, and scarf with, saddlebags? Well, that must've scared me pretty bad to put a shell of birdshot into its head... "Uh..." shaking my head to try and get rid of the ringing, I look up to see two more of them they look at me with what I could assume was a shock, confusion, and a mix of fear, "Uh... AAAAAGHH!!!!" the one on the left screamed, it was odd to see something like them, the one that left was blue with an olive drab mane and tail, a horn?, and some weird ass-mark of a pickaxe, leaving me in a dazed state from hearing a scream akin to a siren, it dashed away like a bullet. I stared at the spot it was a few seconds ago, I look at the corpse and the bag on its back I then look to the head... Missing head. "Huh... I wonder if it's edible," I thought out loud then a grumble from my stomach is heard... "Fuck it im hungry" I am not that hungry just curious what a horse taste like... No just hungry... Right? The other an odd hue of bright orange, blue and a pattern of an arrow on its ass, with some wings, sat there for a few minutes... "Hi?" I asked, THAT got it out of its stupor and started running as If I raped it, I looked at the corpse again, then the realization hit me like buckshot... Or birdshot... The fuck circle-jerk!?... [Five hours later and a mental breakdown and in an abandoned camp, I've, "found"] Sitting by a fire with a spit roast I've managed to pull out of my ass and the burning bat-mini-horse-vampire thing... I think I am just curious... OH!, the bags... Let's see here The bags had some weird stuff, let's see, a dagger, some gems, hay, some long pink thing I will not mention... Um ok... Some playing cards, a bottle of wine, a pair of shattered goggles... Obviously, a journal and for some odd reason a spent 12 gauge shell, Some paper with writing... About a week ago there was a weird power surge that almost all unicorns felt from canterlot to the crystal empire, The princess made a bounty to see what it is, she also says to check the east side of the mountain for the disturbance like weird creatures, portals or some other weird stuff like that, thestrals ponies and some diamond dogs live there, they may help in the search, this reward goes for five thousand bits, royal guards have been posted nearby to- Huh there's some other writing there too but ill read later "the fucks a diamond dog'" I say as I looked back to the bag, then to the book... I read the book for a bit and found out the SHE found the shell after some searching for a creature, I looked up and frowned at the pages before that, family moments personal moments, and other stuff, roughly about fifteen years of writing. And her name was Leatherwing judging by the title 'diary of Leatherwing' Now I feel bad for cooking her... Fuck it I am still eatin' her!... "That doesn't sound right," I say to myself I facepalm as In all the time I had I've never taken inventory of what I had with me ... semi-auto shotgun bolt-action rifle double-action revolver thick jacket with pockets two-way toque currently orange A Fuck ton of ammo for guns some now cooking horse meat cyanide... Why? a first aid kit glow sticks can of beans... Fuck it asorted butcher/cleaning tools some survival stuff some awesome looking dagger a deck of cards journal and a screw loose in my head. With my list done I look up and eat my catch, still somehow scared for the fact I feel no remorse for the girl... Mare? Whatever... [a few days and being attacked by the human-dog things with clubs crossbows and swords] [and basically becoming a pirate: murder, theft, and, hostages for example] BANG the shot echoed for a through the village as I put down my fourth dog today, By the way, I may have started a war between the newly established Hork-dork republic and the Ddog-faggot-brigade as I like to call it, for my part minor injuries and no casualties, for them... About nine or fewer deaths in their ranks and bullet wound galore, "AaAAAIIIEEEEeee" an armoured dog shrieked in pain as he fell to the .357 round in his left leg, "We not fail again ape dog! Circle-jerk!" one said in very annoying broken English " Just leave me the fuck alone!" I responded to the veteran dog I know as Samuel, he and I didn't meet under good circumstances, as in I ate a close friend, leatherwing... Yea the journal mentioned that. Also on another note, golden armoured ponies are patrolling by day and by night the bat-vampire ones by night Looking at Samuel I began to talk " seriously dude you don't have the ma- dog-power to take me." I told him. He just glared at me, "sam I told you I ain't an ape nor dog ya dingus" he just aimed a crossbow at me, I however seen this and shot it out of his hand... Now he's pissed that I blew his index off "sam-"I began but was cut off as an armoured pony in gold armour came to his side she was short as were all of the others, gold armour white and a blue broom thing on top, "Stand down beast!!!" aww cute "by the order of the princess you will be taken into custody were you will face tra- BANG -AAail" she screamed as I fired a .308 near her and debris flew around, she looks honestly scared now the D-dogs long since did a "tactical retreat" because when I pull out the rifle I look to kill... at least that's what they think I did it to scare them and the smell of piss hit my nose "heh you ponies are cute you know that" she shivered at my comment, I hope in fear, "tell your cuteness defence force won't do shit but cute me to death" she nods and darts I think there called earth ponies, the ones with no horn or wings but I can't tell with the armour, not a unicute but probably a pegafluffle... yes I've given them names like the shinepones are the ones in silver armour and shine like a lighthouse now the village, I saw it from far away, mostly the three in a half-foot ponies and griffins maybe some diamond dogs but I don't care the reason I came here was to look for fruit or vegetables... oh the fuck is that in the distance, there about sixteen kilometres away is a large crystal eyesore I'll check it out later because in a house I see a pony... letting a sadistic laugh to scare my enemies, weird how I've been treating this place as a playground kicking the door in (i think it opened outward judging by the crack) I continue my fuck-you-all taunt with a "Heres Jonny" thing [one hour later] well fuck there's pink a horned pegafluffle here now] "javelin heart, you said it was here," said the pink one "hello?" the same gold armoured one from before looked at me, like directly into my eyes "fuck she sees me" the pink one follows her line of sight and tilts her head, which turned into a glare as she saw me in the window... [uh fuck] " fuck! fuck! fuck! fuck! fuck! fuck! fuck!" you know I think this is karma for me being an asshole to these things "no fuck fuck fuck fuck" she's on my ass with a metric fuck ton of guards, not wanting to make it worse I didn't shoot back as they pelted the general direction of me with bolts and arrows and... motherfucker they call it magic I just call it mini-launched-plasma-shit or M.L.P.Shit... heh ow there's a burn on my back and a bolt in my leg, unfortunately still alive I was going to turn around and yell profanities but the glare the pink one was making me nearly shit myself and so I run!!! Author's Note opening for this story don't expect much from this what should happen to our dumbass sadistic and cynical human also, I am not going to pay much attention to this but I'll try if it does go somewhere he doesn't really like to use his name but he calls himself circle-jerk... yea
Leave it to the mari-... mercenary army?I awake... Warmth. Nice and warm. And a gentle humming and very bumpy. But- uh... Very muffled gunfire And something hot... Hot. I open my eyes and look down to a spent casing of a big gun “Oh damn!” it hurt very little but still. Kicking it away I look at my surroundings only to see a slanted roof and a bunch of supplies, some boxes a gun rack, belt-fed machine gun... Holy shit... Well, I am in a car. A big car that smells like piss, diesel, blood, and cigarette smoke, ”don’t shoot at them!” I hear a voice. Muffled, like outside of the car ” just suppress them” “Suppress this” another voice. Then accompanied by muffled gunfire and more large brass casings hitting the floor and rolling towards me. There’s a slice of a blade and with a cry of pain, a body falls out of a gun I didn’t see. He gets up and I see a face, a tattoo of a shamrock, this guy’s most eye-catching thing is the armour. Like a Russian helmet and a puffy jacket with a vest. He looks at me and crawls to a rack and takes a gun, then a bag. He then gives it to me “Hey lad, take this, open the trunk and fire!” I nod at the intimidating guy Moving back, I pull a lever and open the trunk with a pop, it opens to reveal pure fucking chaos There’s pegaflu- fuck, this is serious. Flyers, multiple species. Almost all armoured and in wedge formations. Uh, three formations of ten to be exact There’s a carriage in the sky shooting arrows at us. I look at the gun to see its a long Ak? No, an RPK, right? Anyways opening the bag I see three things two drums of ammo and one grenade... Cool. Taking one round out of the drum I see it says ‘7.62x39’ i look at the gun and see a serial number company info and the same ‘7.62x39’ all stamped to the barrel I load a mag in and take the bipod and unfold it. Placing it in a comfortable position, I aim. And fire. *click* oh, cocking the gun. Then taking the safety off, I aim the gun again and start firing *thrs-* and ringing, well then. Remembering something look for them and find them. They are basic earplugs. Probably will not help now but still. later And I am a terrorist. Judging by the poster stapled to the wall. “So now I am worth 50.000 bits,” I say out loud “Damn kid you do a lot in a week” “I was here for more than a week” “Too bad I say its a week,” the grizzled man says. “Ah fuck you,” I say as I walk out of the tent “former SAS my ass,” I think I hit a nerve “ sorry sir!” I apologize and run out. I then walk into a camp eleven tents, forty people all in this camp. My stomach grumbles and I walk to a tent labelled mess hall I see a dude managing the food and I try to make conversation “so... You eat horse before” he looks shocked but then he answers “The fuck dude” and plops some porridge in a bowl and hands it out to me. I grab it say my thanks and walk to a table, slightly embarrassed. Overtime the mood lightens and I feel... Calm. The next day I walk my way to a nearby hill of snow, it has a little encampment. It’s just some desert camo sandbags and a camo net... Again miscoloured I look to see three dudes all looking about... East. “Hey, dipshits what are you doing” they all look at me and one sends a glare at me. “What did you call me?” he asks. “I asked what are you doing.” The man then goes back to his binoculars. “We see some weird figures in the distance” “Yeah, what kind?” I inquire “Uh... Here look for your self” he hands me the binoculars and I look through it “They look human but the proportion of their hands and legs are fucked up!” I look back at them and say “uh... They ain’t human” he looks at me and raises an eyebrow “What do you mean?” “These fuckers don’t like me.” “How so?” “I killed the leaders best friend” “Should I sound the alarm?” “If they approach sound it” I’d tell them to shoot but the things I overheard before the moments I ran into a diamond dog is Them talking about ‘the other packs’ “Can you tell us their armament?” he askes “Spears, clubs, crossbows, gas bombs, impact bombs and they got numbers.” I think as I say these. Most of their weapons are primitive and stupid. The most advanced thing I see them use is a... Well, it is like a mortar: plop a bomb in the tube and using m.l.p.shit it launches sky high. Also catching me off guard a few times... “Oh and short-range mortars” the looked shocked but don’t question it. I also see a man to my left start writing something in a notebook. “Any suggestions in close quarters?” “Fuckin run.” I breathe in... And exhale “hand to paw didn’t go so good the first time I got into a fight with one” I pull up a sleeve and I see three scars. “It damn nearly broke my arm just by grabbing it” “And armoured targets or vehicular assets?” what? Oh, cars and armour. “The most I see here is horse-drawn carriages, so... Armoured carriages?” I say. “Their armour is at best thin iron plates at worse there are scrap and salvaged armour” “Ah okay” I see the guy to my left just get done writing “what about a flag?” he wanted more “a designation would be nice” “Uh... The only flag I’ve seen is them flying a red flag with a diamond emblazoned on it. And their called diamond dogs.” “Heh, you just come up with that chief?” “No, they call themselves that and I quote ‘strong diamond dog pack’ is the most said thing among them” “Okay, you can go back to whatever you were doing” I just walk two feet and sit on a stack of green ammo boxes. They all look and I then shrug and go back to scouting
The attack of a canine armyAuthor's Note Good morning everyone. This story will receive more attention, though not right away https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=We9qOg9tnCw this is where the video came from The attack of a canine army A siren inside the base was all the warning needed for civilians to run into some tunnel. “If you can shoot take the rifle in the box” one of the guys I was with said. ’damn his personality went from joking to serious in a second’ I thought to myself. Walking to the aforementioned box. I open the latches and I see a rifle. I see a tag attached to the barrel “is this new?” I ask the merc, He replies with a nod. “That’s cool”. I look at the tag and see ‘savage arms, MSR Patrol, .223 Rem.’ I’ve heard of the company but never heard about them making these. I run to down the slope towards the gunfire. Pressing the mag release I see the magazine is empty. Running past a panicking man I finally make my way to what I can assume was an APC with a big gun. “Civvie? Are you gonna help?” a guy in the APC asks. “Yes, sir!” I yell. He reaches down and picks up a bandolier and tosses it to me “since ya got that, here some 5.56.” I caught it and thanked him. Walking to the edge of the snow trench a woman gave me a helmet. It was a generic modern army helmet. Okay... I’ve done this before *’Bang’* *’Bang’* my mind reacted quickly at the noise “Morters!!” I warned. Everyone fell to the ground as the sound of whistling reached us. The ground shook and my ears started ringing. The shell hit a tower, Then another shell hit the other tower. I hear the APC come to life. -ringing intensifies- Seems as though I wasn’t the only one affected by the gun, for example, there was a dude who was unfortunate enough to walk under the barrel, then a woman who was caught in the muzzle blast by the shot knocking her out cold. At least they were wearing helmets. Well, there’s me. I was ultimately alright. Putting the earplugs I still had I went to fight. [celestia] I had tried to convince the diamond dog alpha to wait and try diplomacy but they ’insisted’ to let them handle it. *’Bang’* *’Bang’* her ears flattend as she saw the diamond dogs fire what they called artillery. At first, she didn’t know what they did. She saw two black streaks of smoke soar towards the encampment and two explosions rocked the tundra. Her anger got the better of her and she walked to the dogs who launched the bombs. *’Bang’* *’WHizzzzzz’* ’Boom’ She felt many hot metal fragmets, blood and armour hit her. Somehow not causing little damage to herself but. She looked at the dogs and... They were reduced to nothing. She was vaguely aware the dogs were charging. [the human camp] I looked at the charging army, Running seemed smart but I have to much pride for that. The ringing in the back of my head continues but it’s much lower. I was assigned to a weapons fireteam. A machine gunner opens fire. The gunner doesn’t let up until he runs out. When he did run out the machine gunner next to me started her shift. “Take out the big guy” our leader orders the gunner. “Yes, lance corporal” the machine gunner answers she then moves the gun a little to the left and to my surprise I see Samuel. “KIll that motherfucker” I point and say. Sam like the big boy he is, tanks these shots “Holy shit!” all three of us say the fourth of our team arrives with more boxes just as the gunner runs out. The other machine gun crew started their shift. I decide to be helpful and I open fire on Samuel. He then notices me... “AAAAAAA-” he didn’t get to finish his howl as a heavy machine gun rips him apart. I look behind me to see the same truck I arrived in. It was firing at what I observed to be D-dogs with heavier armour. I hear our temporary leader’s radio come alive with “2-5 tell all your guys to open fire, over”. He responds with “Good copy lieutenant, over” he looks to us “alright half of this team are civvies so I am gonna say you will kill another living being.” he said to me and the dude who brought the crates “so fire at will!” he yells. The man next to me holds a shakey rifle to his shoulder. His rifle is like mine, except he has a bipod. I raise my rifle to me should and switch to semi-automatic... The only other selector on the rifle I let off a shot on a poor dog. It hits his left arm The guy I’ll call ‘Caliber’ fires and the round strikes between the eyes of a wolf-like D-dog, he looks like he saw a dead body... Wait- nevermind. I take a few more shots on a dog that was about to throw an orb leaking gas. He drops it and the bomb explodes in a thick yellow mist “Gas Gas Gas” someone in a panic yelled. The mist luckily for us started to flow towards their lines. A kid ran to me wearing a gas mask hauling a crate came to give us a mask. He handed me one, ducking down I took my helmet off and strapped the mask on. Dawning a mask and a helmet hindered my vision. I get up and back in a firing position. Only for me to stop and let my mouth hang. The gas was making the dog’s skins start melting off... When they used this on me I usually just avoid the cloud. “Oh shit,” the LCpl says in slight remorse At this point, the D-Dogs realized their mistake and started retreating. I at this moment started taking shots near them and not killing them. Others did the same. “Alright, idiots we should pack up and move into the mountains” I hear a woman positioned on the remaining tower, yell. “Move start packing!” the LCpl orders us I did as ordered... Damn. [hours later] We were all either on trucks or sitting on armoured vehicles as we left the camp, all forty of us crammed into cars or APC’s. “Aw man, that was a slaughter.” ‘Caliber” says, “Don’t worry. Hopefully, we don’t have to run into anything else” the gunner says We lost five good people... Well. I am alive. That’s what matters [unknown] I look at the newspaper and what I see makes me feel sick to my stomach ‘ponies being slaughtered by humans’ was the headline... He looked around noticing the glares from ponies He noticed ponies tried avoiding him... He had no affiliation with these humans. The first human to make contact: Anonymous. Was being shunned. At least his friends never left his side.
do seasons just change like in minecraft here?Author's Note damn sorry, these take so long. I have a good idea then later when I get to my computer I physically couldn't wright it until a week later where I forget it. so basically this sat here at 400 words until I got off my lazy ass and wrote it do seasons just change like in minecraft here? *’Bang’* *’Crack’* I fire wildly into the rocky ravine. A few hours ago we were ambushed by these dragon/Wyvern fucks I called Discount Dragons. I ran into another, its Long body I have observed to be seven feet in length and has a wingspan of twenty feet. They also look like dragons from china’s mythology. *’Bang’* I fire In the general direction of the Discount Dragons. “Rah! Ape RAH!!” “Did you just fuckin talk!!” *’Bang’* i fire again *’Bang’* and again *’Bang’* and again *’Bang’* and again... We were all regrouping when we heard ‘whizz’ i look to my left and see... A Pegafluffle, fast and low. Probably a scout I look at the line of body bags. For the first time since I got here... I feel sad... Then anger by the looks of it I wasn’t the only one. “Hey pirate, come and help me with this” I didn’t react because it isn’t my name- *’dink’* a bullet casing hit my helmet “I said get over here!” my lance corporal ordered “Okay, fuck!” I whined We spent the next half hour hauling bodies into a medical truck, We heaved a poor sod into the truck, “Okay, one more.” Both of us walk to the next bag and, to my surprise and horror, the body inside is child-sized. “O-oh shit” I whisper. “Shit man,” he commented. “Okay, we should put the kid into the truck” Equestria somewhere in the middle of the night “What in Goddamn” the lance corporal next to me said. I was seated by a .50 cal machinegun, he was the gunner, my helmet was over my eyes “What is it Trou de cul” I exclaim “It’s the fuckin grass chienne cul Putain de pédé” I roll my eyes and look around... Holy shit, the snow just changes to the grass here. ... “Where we going again?” “Lieutenant is still thinking about that,” he said. A few awkward minutes later he asked: “french eh?” “What? No, I live in Canada” he looked me over “Then why do you speak french,” he asked again “Why do you speak it?” I countered “I am a translator. Yarrağımı ye” “What?” “Nevermind” “Okay” Eventually, we made it to a Forest... “AaAaaAAaAaaAaAAWWwwWooOoOooO!!~~ and more “Is... Is that a wolf “aaaAAAGgh!!” The forest lit up with gunfire and screams *’Pop’* *’Pop’* *’Pop’* “Get me outa here!” this dude yells He is running to us, Only for him to get Taken right of his feet by a Wolf “AAAGh Help *’Crunch’* “AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH” *’Crack’*... “Yo! Get shooting” his radio Screeched. Heavy calibre rounds fired and the poor wolves never stood a chance. The Wooden wolves realized they lost a third of their numbers and retreated into the forest. I stared as the wood wolves merged into the Trees. Then I looked at the man who just got wrecked. “Medic!” ”The medic just fucking died!” “Well get someone as good as a medic!” “she’s dead too!” somemore time later I move with my team through the forest. Our mission? We got a call from a clearing nearby. From what I can gather, a month or so back they sent some dudes out here and this is the first time they heard from one of the agents. We walk slowly into a path “We are near the meet up” “I am hungry” “Mee too matt” “Your names matt?” I ask “and I am a bit peckish myself” he looks at us... “Did you not eat breakfast?” the three of us shook our heads and he sighed “look we can eat when we get to the Rendezvous” he told us. After a bit more sneaking around the forest and we see an old man sitting on a rock with binoculars wearing a suit I forgot the name of. Aka he looks like a walking bush. The LCpl crouch-walks and then he stands up “You can stop kids, I saw you from a mile away.” “Aw fuck” ”*snap!*” I look behind me to see calibre on the ground with a vine around his foot “Go and help him, I and Jil will talk to the old coot” I nod in confirmation. I go to grab him and he tries to use his hands to cut vines as thick as a person’s arm “Damnit man! How’d this happen?” he looks up at me “I was just standing here, I felt something grab my leg then I was pulled” “Not the weirdest way to cover up you tripped mate,” I said carelessly just as I finished I felt something grab my leg. LCpl. Matt “Yeah, thanks for the info... You wanna head back with us or?” “I’ll stay and keep giving you information about this area” he looks at me and says “listen, son, I got very little time in my left.” he completes. “Damn... Okay, I’ll see you in hell man” he chuckles and pats the back of my helmet. “So how long did you serve the company?” “I was there for a while. Mostly just logistics, I was a pilot during the Vietnam war and the Korean war.” he just finished when he looked at me then to my right. “You better help your subordinates” “Huh?” I turned around and... ‘civvie one’ and pirate were hanging upside down. “Guys what the hell!” I yell one hour later and back with circle jerk or “pirate.” “So...” calibre asked awkwardly. “So?” Matt asked as he messed with his radio “What did he tell you?” all of us were enjoying a meal as we sat by the fire as everyone else mingled or got yelled at. “Well I already told the Lt” he looked at his meal and continued " by the old man’s info military personnel will be split into two squads one will be big and protect the left and our team will defend the right along with another team” “Do we have the manpower?” Jil asked “Honestly the other fireteam’s one man short and the civvies number around fourteen” he looked at the APC I now know is an MGS. “The other squad’s barely a squad” “Damn how many did we lose?” “Damn I dont know... Jenny, Kevin, Marty, Paul, john. In the two towers back at the camp. Tim, Garrison, Alan, Jake, Ryan, Bob, and Chris. When we were attacked by those wyverns. Then there’s Lisa and Dan who were killed by those wolves, And the civvies killed by all of those three instances were about ten” ... We all stayed silent “how many are left?” “Hey now let’s not get depressed... We still gotta save ourselves,” Jil tried her best to lighten the mood. A guy in the truck broke down into tears. “Oh goddamnit,” Matt complained. I sat up, stretched and said “Well, imma take a walk.” “Good luck” calibre said but I ignored it.
the plate of fishThis is agony. I keep running and running. But they just chase. I look behind me again, only to see the small army massing... Okay I am exaggerating. There’s about eleven of em and I am not that hurt just an arrow... Fuck it, it really fucking hurts. The snow started somewhere back at the village and most of the guards stop chasing me. The only reason they can’t keep up is probably the Birdshot once in a while hitting them. I point my shotgun back at them just hoping to slow em but when I do fire *bang* I see three go limp and don’t get up, and some of the armoured flinch. Oh, fuck! “Stop!” not so cute any more gold one orders me. Also, the rest are wearing silver armour. “NO!!” I yell back I point my gun again but only for an arrow to strike the stock “ah! Fuck you!” I grab my pistol and aim properly at the gold one. *bang* and blood spray. The silver ones question themselves and stop running. “I am GOD!!!!” I tell them and then *Dakka* *Dakka* *Dakka* *Dakka* *Dakka* Ringing and the faint sound of an engine I keep my pace only for me to hit something hard... I open my eyes while I was still dazed. Only to see what appears to be s glorified truck... Wait, no it is an Army car a... Hummer... No thats is the civilian one right? Uh, its called an HMMWV if I am not mistaken but what- uconsiousness Author's Note well then HI!
