The right Season and Weather

by Equimorto

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Princess Luna, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Sex
Length: 2667

After months of waiting, the right conditions finally present themselves for Luna to ask her sister about the porn she supposedly wrote. It didn't exactly go as she'd thought it would.

It had been months since Celestia had told her that, but Luna hadn't forgotten about it. Finally, one morning, the right conditions presented themselves for them to finally have the discussion Celestia had been postponing for so long. Finally, Luna got to ask her more about the porn she'd supposedly written and published under a pseudonym.

It didn't exactly go the way the younger alicorn had thought it would. Safe to say, some of the results were rather unexpected.

Written for the fourth anniversary of what is probably my favourite story on this site.

Published 2018-12-29 11:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-12-29 11:50:01 UTC

It's good, I swear

"Just five more minutes..." Celestia lazily rolled around in her bed, turning her back to the princess who had woken her up before the usual time.

Being an immortal alicorn with the power to move the Sun didn't mean she didn't need to sleep, after all. She didn't, much like how she didn't need to eat, but she wasn't going to let ponies know about it. They would think she was doing it just because she was lazy.

Luna did not appreciate her sister's laziness, though, and after a second attempt at calling her name and nudging her awake with a hoof failed she proceeded to push the white mare off of the bed altogether.

Celestia groaned from her newfound position on the floor. "What is it, Luna?" she asked, her voice still a little sloppy after she'd just woken up, syllables melting together.

"You'll need to raise the Sun first," the second alicorn replied, walking over to the side of the bed down which she had pushed her sister.

Celestia lazily tried to get up, achieving little more than putting her hooves in position, her face still lying against the ground. "Luna, please. At least give me the time to properly prepare for the ceremony-"

"Come on! I know you like to show off, but you don't need to do this the long way every time."

Celestia huffed. Her horn briefly lit up with magic, light coating it for little more than a second, and as soon as it had stopped glowing rays of sunlight began to filter through the window. "So what is it?" she asked, looking up at Luna.

Luna looked down, a smile beginning to form on her lips. "Sister, what season is it?"

"Winter," Celestia drily replied. "Luna, if you woke me up early just because you suddenly forgot what time of the year it was then I swear I'm sending you to the Moon for another year at least."

Luna ignored the comment and walked up to the window. "Tell me, sister, how far can you see looking out of this window?"

"To the edge of Canterlot, on a good da-"

"No, no, I mean right now." Luna turned around. "How far can you see in this weather?"

Celestia stared at her. "Just open the window and see for yourself."

"I want to know how far you can see, sister," Luna replied, her smile growing a little wider.

Celestia hissed in frustration. "Fine, fine, I'll play this game of yours, whatever it is." She got up, all the while grunting in annoyance, and walked up to her sister. There she pulled the curtains, only to be met with a wall of white. "I can't see anything, Luna," she said, turning towards the other alicorn, "there's too much mist outside."

Luna just stared back, her smile now even bigger and threatening to split her face in half.

Celestia looked at her, dumbfounded and unsure of what she was getting at. Then a thought hit her, and as she looked back outside realization slowly crept up, her face turning a little paler. "Oh," she murmured in a low tone.

"So, first off, I wanted to k-" Luna was silenced by a white hoof pressing against her lips.

"Shh," her sister said, pulling her other hoof up to her own mouth. She then lit her horn once more, and a series of places inside her room were suddenly coated in her magical aura.

Each one of the object she had grabbed then moved to reveal an opening of some kind, and from each one Celestia removed one of her guards, depositing their bodies outside the door. The various locations included her drawers, the inside of her bed, the space behind the curtains, the one under the rug, the curtains of her own bed, the mug she kept beside her bed, the closet, the space beneath the closet and the inside of her multicoloured, billowing mane.

Once all of the guards had been placed outside Celestia closed and locked the door, and then turned to her sister. "You can talk now."

"Do you always sleep with that many guards?" Luna asked, surprised.

"No," Celestia answered, "usually there are more, but some of them were sick today."

Luna sighed. "Anyway. I wanted to know more about that book you supposedly wrote. Are the rumours true?"

Celestia's cheeks slowly began to make Luna question the notion that alicorns didn't have blood. "Well, I mean... What are the rumours, exactly?"

"That you wrote porn and published it under a pseudonym."

Celestia found herself at a loss for words, taken by surprise by the other's bluntness. "I, maybe, sort of... Okay, I did."

Luna began to laugh. "I knew it!" she managed to say between suppressed giggles. "So how bad is it?" she asked after a while, once she'd calmed down.

Celestia took a step back, offended. "Bad? Why should it be bad?"

"Well, you wrote it." Luna burst into laughter once again.

"Luna! That is extremely impolite of you!" The alicorn turned her back to her sister. "In fact, I'll have you know it's extremely good!"

Luna had just managed to stop her giggles, and her sister's behaviour made her lose control again. It took some time, but eventually she regained her composure. "Really?" she asked.

"Really," Celestia replied. "In fact, I'd even go as far as to say that it shouldn't even be considered porn."

Luna's reaction was this time anticipated by Celestia, who forced her mouth shut with her magic before she had the chance to laugh at her again. "So... What makes you say that? What's it about?"

Celestia turned around. "Well, for starters, it's much more than simply a description of ponies fucking. I mean, there's a lot of that. Like, a lot. I'm talking about hundreds of words of really, really kinky sex. Like there's this one scene in chapter ten where-" Celestia caught sight of her sister's expression. "Oh, sorry, I was getting a little distracted..."

"A little, yeah."

"But anyway, it's much more than that. It's a story about the slow but steady decay of the morals of an individual who comes in possession of the power to be freed from the consequences of their actions. It's a story about the duality between what someone knows is the right thing and what they want, about the inner struggle to decide which path to choose when there's no punishment for making the wrong choice. It explores the inner workings of the various characters' minds, providing an explanation for their choices and actions. It tells of a journey of redemption, of the lingering darkness inside each one of us, of the secrets everyone hides in their own private lives, of-"

Celestia's spell wasn't fast enough this time, nor strong enough to hold Luna's jaw closed.

"What's so funny?" Celestia found herself asking, annoyed.

It took several minutes before Luna could finally speak again. "You want me to believe you wrote something like that?" She went back to laughing at the thought.

Celestia angrily pouted. "As a matter of fact, yes!"

Luna looked at the ground, tears in her eyes. "Sorry, but no. I might still want a copy though, just to see how bad it is. Oh, never mind, I care about my mental sanity."

Celestia kept pouting. "It's not bad. It's really, really good! Why do you act like any piece of written work that has fucking in it must be bad?"

Luna looked up. "Okay, listen. I don't think every piece of literature where ponies have sex is inherently bad. I'm fairly sure that a good enough writer could be able to make a compelling story with well written characters that isn't merely an excuse to get them to bed each other. But you?" Luna's body began to be shaken by a fresh wave of laughter. "Sister, please! I've seen you try to write something, and it was not good! At all! Do you think I don't know about those original texts you hid under your bed? If you somehow got something published it must have been nothing but the most blatant and plotless smut."

Celestia raised an eyebrow. "So I'm the problem?"

"Yep," her sister replied, poking her nose, "you wrote it, so it's garbage."

"It's not garbage!" Celestia shouted.

Luna tilted her head. "Why are you so mad about it?"

"Listen, I might be a terrible writer, but that book is good." Celestia emphasised her point by smacking a hoof to the ground.

"That... doesn't make much sense, sister," Luna replied, her head titling further.

Celestia suddenly looked back, trying to avoid Luna's gaze.

Luna moved her neck to stare at her from a shorter distance. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

Celestia swallowed, then closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay," she said, turning back around, "I didn't want you to know, but if it's what it takes to convince you that it's good..." She stammered, then gathered her resolve. "I... didn't actually write it."

Luna scratched her head, confused. "So... Wait, you published it under a different name, but you didn't write it? How does that even work? How did ponies come to the conclusion that it was yours?"

"It was intentional," Celestia replied. "I made sure that ponies would think that. I commissioned the work, then delivered it to the editor. I purposefully let someone see me, so rumours would spread. It was all my plan."

"But why?" Luna stared confused at the white alicorn.

"Because I wanted the fame, sister! I wanted ponies to think of me in a new light, I wanted articles about my secret life as a porn writer, I wanted a shade of mystery to envelope my figure, making others question if there wasn't more to me than what met the eye."

"Are you sure you fixed yourself right with that spell?"

Celestia ignored the comment. "But you see, Luna, the writer did such a marvellous job with it. It's one of the best things I've ever read! Never would I have thought there could be such a depth to a sex scene, such emotion, such beautifully written art!"

Luna gave a small cough. "Maybe you just need to clear your mind a bit. I understand it's rough to go a long time without sex, and how that can impair your judgement, but-"

"Luna, please. I fucked Chrysalis while Twilight was stuck with my responsibilities less than four months ago, you're the one who never gets any."

"You abused of a potentially amnesiac creature? And gave a possible enemy an opening that big?"

"Luna, she turned into me! You know how much of a turn on that is. After all, who would refuse to fuck me?"

"Anyone who knew you for more than five minutes?"

Celestia huffed. "That's all beside the point! The point is that that book is great!"

Luna rolled her eyes. "So who wrote it?"

"I can't tell you."

Luna stared at her sister. "What do you mean you can't tell me?"

Celestia shook her head. "I can't! I promised the writer I would not reveal her identity!"

"So you wrote it and you're just making all of this up, right?" Luna began to walk away.

Celestia grabbed her by the tail. "No, wait! I can prove it! Just give the book a read, please! Just one!"

Luna stopped and sat on the ground. "Okay! Fine!" she finally yelled, and Celestia released her tail.

"Great! I'll grab my copy!" Celestia walked up to the bed and took a book out of the pillow.

"Why do you keep it there?" Luna asked.

Celestia opened her mouth to answer.

"No, wait, I don't want to know the answer. Just give me this thing already!" Luna swept the book away from her sister and grabbed it in her magic, opening it and beginning to read. "Uh, wonder who was in that wagon," she commented as she walked out.

"CELESTIA!"

The princess tumbled out of her bed. "Luna, did you have to use that voice?" she asked, still half-asleep.

"Everything else failed at waking you up, so yes." The younger alicorn held up her copy of the book in front of Celestia. "We need to talk."

Celestia jerked up. "Luna, we need to-"

The room was engulfed in a blue glow and several guards were then flung out of the window. "There."

"Yeah, I guess that works."

Luna placed the book down. "I'm... not sure of how to say this, actually."

"What is it?" Celestia asked, getting closer.

"This thing..." Luna pointed a hoof at the book.

"Yes?"

Luna sighed. "Well, let's put it this way. Now I know you didn't write it, because it's amazing!"

Celestia smiled. "See? I told you you would like it!"

"You need to tell me who wrote it!"

Celestia's smile faltered. "Why? I told you already I agreed with her not-"

Luna pinned her sister on the ground. "No, you don't understand, sister. This thing is too good! I need to commission something from the pony who wrote it! I need more!"

"I'm afraid she doesn't do commissions." Celestia tried to wriggle away from under her sister.

Luna threw her hooves up in desperation. "What? But-but how... I-I... I need more of this, sister! You need to tell me where I can find more!"

Celestia got back to her hooves. "Oh, if that's the problem then I have the solution! She's writing a sequel!" She walked up to the wardrobe and pulled out a large number of pages stitched together. "This is about as far as she's gotten, it's already almost as long as the original."

Luna practically threw herself at the papers, and Celestia had to levitate her out of the room.

She found her the day after, still on the floor outside her room, still reading. "Sister!" she called.

Luna kept reading.

"SISTER!" she called again.

Annoyed, Luna looked up. "This better be something concerning the safety of our nation. Something very imminent."

Celestia cleared her throat. "I've spoken with the writer. She says she's willing to meet you."

Luna practically jumped through the ceiling, then began to excitedly prance around the room. "So what's her name?" she finally asked as she got near Celestia, still shaking from the excitement.

"Miss Snowfeather."

Luna stopped. "Wait, isn't that the false name you used?"

"Yes!" Celestia replied. "And it's also her name!"

"Wait, but that doesn't... So you had the thing published under her name... You made it look like you wrote it... And then... Wait, what?"

"You're meeting her in five minutes, third room on the left down this corridor." Celestia pointed with a hoof.

Luna began to hyperventilate, and ran towards her destination. She opened the door and-

"No, sorry, I can't let you leave this part in."

"Why?"

"That was a private conversation."

"Ugh, fine."

"So how was she?" Celestia asked to her still shaking sister.

"One of the most amazing ponies I've ever met, certainly the best one in a long time." Luna began to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Celestia had to yell for her voice to reach her.

Luna turned around. "I'm going to write something!"

"But I thought you'd given up on writing after-"

"After nopony liked my old stories and barely anypony even considered them? I had. And you know what? Those stories were bad. And whenever I walked into a book store and saw the best-sellers shelf filled with porn I felt angry, because I knew most of those stories were just as bad. But now I've found a reason to write!" She practically ran away after that.

Celestia smiled. "So what do you think of that?"

"I'm happy that I inspired someone," the pony replied.

"And I'm getting a tattoo of that story!" came Luna's voice from the end of the hallway.

"Though maybe she is a little overenthusiastic about things, I have to admit."