Identify

by Waxworks

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Suicide / Self Harm, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 10742

Twilight suspects something is going on when she starts forgetting large chunks of her days. When Spike reveals the answer, it's more than she wanted to know, and much more than she ever needed.

Twilight finds out something isn't quite right about the crystal castle and herself. When she learns that something has changed about her and she isn't who she thinks she is, she tries to find out why and how that came to pass.
The answers isn't what she expected, but now that she knows, what will she do with that information? Will she change, continue, or end it all?

Published 2018-10-12 18:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-10-12 18:10:01 UTC

Forgetting

Twilight had it all. She was a powerful, beautiful princess among princesses, ascended like none before after completing the most amazing spell created by the most amazing unicorn. She was learning about herself and studying hard to be the best princess she could ever be. Celestia was counting on her…

Or so she thought.

While rearranging furniture in the castle, she had dropped a bookshelf against one of the walls. The crystal cracked and a chunk fell off, and Twilight saw something strange behind it. Beneath the veneer of shining, colorful crystal, there was dark circuits, hidden beneath the exterior. Lightning sparked through it, and the crystal healed itself soon afterward, growing over it, but Tiwlight was sure of what she had seen. So sure that she broke it again to check. She was right. Circuits, the likes of which she’d only seen in texts but never in person, were hidden beneath.

Twilight needed to know why.

She hunted through texts, searching for something about the Tree of Harmony and its abilities, but such information was scarce and hard to find. There was precious little in her own library, and so she went to Canterlot to peruse the books there. Still, she found nothing. Until Celestia found out what she was doing.

The princess of the sun walked regally into the library. A glow preceded her as she strode up to Twilight, wings partially outstretched as the afternoon waned. “What are you looking for, Twilight?”

“Oh! Princess!” Twilight said, a little embarrassed. “I’m… trying to learn more about the Tree of Harmony. The castle seems… strange, and I’m trying to understand it.”

“Oh? What seems to be the trouble?”

“I broke one of the walls while moving some bookcases, and underneath the crystal, there seems to be circuits.”

Celestia’s eyes widened. “Circuits?’

“Yes.” Twilight nodded. “It sparked and regrew the crystal I broke almost immediately. If the whole castle is made of that, what is it?”

“And you think the Tree of Harmony is the same?”

“It might be. That’s why I’m trying to find out.”

Celestia breathed deep and moved forward. She wrapped a wing around Twilight and pulled her away from the books. “Well, I’m glad you’re interested, but come have supper while you’re here. I’m told you’ve been in here since lunch.”

“But—”

“No buts, Twilight. You need to rest sometimes. Just come have supper, and we’ll talk, then you can come right back.”

“…okay,” she reluctantly agreed.

Twilight was studying when Spike screamed.

“Twiliiiiight!” he yelled as he panted into the room. “Please don’t be mad! I broke something and it sparked and I didn’t mean it! Please don’t be angry!”

“Calm down, Spike.” She waved a hoof placatingly. “Show me what you broke. I’m sure it can be fixed.”

He took her to the bedroom, where it looked like he had been testing a model, probably from one of his comics. The model was broken, but when he pointed to a spot on the wall, his claw drooped, searching but not finding something.

“That’s weird, there was a big chunk of crystal missing!” He looked at the floor, then ran over and picked something up. He waved a chunk of cracked crystal at her. “See! I did break it! But… it’s gone?” He looked at the wall, searching for a hole. “It was missing, and there was something weird behind it, and then lightning came out! It was crazy!”

Twilight laughed and patted him on the head. She grabbed the crystal in her magic and looked it over. “Well, whatever you did, it didn’t do any lasting damage, did it?”

Spike stared queerly at the wall, still looking for damage but finding none. “I could have sworn…”

“Don’t worry about it Spike. Come on. Let’s get ice cream, and I’ll help you fix your…” she looked at the model. “…whatever it is.”

“Okay!”

But Twilight worried about it, despite her words to Spike. On the crystal he’d picked up was a piece of some unidentified metal. His comments about lightning and the wall fixing itself had her concerned. She searched through all her books for answers, and went to Canterlot to hunt through theirs. Celestia came to meet her in the library when she found out Twilight had been in there since lunch. She strode in regally, wings partially furled to represent the afternoon setting sun.

“Twilight, what are you doing in here?”

“Oh, hello Princess. I’m searching for information about the Tree of Harmony.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, there’s something about the castle that’s bothering me and I’m trying to figure out what it is.”

“Why don’t you tell me about it, maybe I can help.”

Twilight pulled the chunk of crystal out of her saddlebag and held it up. Celestia took it and looked it over curiously. “Well this is interesting,” she said.

Twilight nodded. “I’m trying to figure out what the extra stuff on it is. It’s—”

Celestia interrupted her with a wing over her back. She gently directed Twilight out of the library, leaving the books behind. “Why don’t we talk about it over supper, okay? You can tell me how you found it, what you think, and we can enjoy a nice meal before you come back.”

“Well, okay.”

Twilight was with Rarity and Applejack on a trip to Vanhoover. She hadn’t technically been invited by the cutie map, but she needed to research something and she figured she could leave them to their work and finish finding what she was looking for all on her own. Trouble was, she had finished what she needed to finish but Rarity and Applejack were still struggling with their friendship problem. They were doing well, but it had been a full week already. No friendship problem went beyond a few days at most. She was starting to worry she’d completely ruined it by coming. Her worries were made worse when she started feeling ill. She tried to hide it, but they caught her moping about the inn they were staying at. She was sent back to Ponyville alone.

She was better within a day of being at her castle.

Rarity and Applejack came back to report on the friendship problem with mixed results. They discovered a friendship problem, and they fixed it, but Rarity was convinced there was another and they fixed the wrong one.

“I’m telling you, the problem was with the hatmaker and his wife, not the fishmonger and his neighbor,” Rarity claimed at the table.

“And ah’m sayin’, the fishmonger and his neighbor were havin’ way bigger problems. Business-related issues trump family issues in scope all the time!” Applejack countered.

“That’s ridiculous, darling. A broken family is a much bigger tragedy than a simple business dispute. No businesses are ever going to get along.”

“Which is why they need friendship-related advice!”

“That’s not at all comparable! Businesses are supposed to compete!”

“Girls, girls!” Twilight shouted. “The cutie map said you resolved it, right?”

“Well, yes,” Rarity admitted.

Twilight pointed at the map. There were no longer floating cutie marks on Vanhoover. “Then you did it right, right?”

Rarity nodded and sighed. “I suppose so. Loath though I am to admit it.”

Applejack, thankfully, didn’t look too smug about it. “The problem ah have is that we go to these places without knowin’ what or who we’re even lookin’ for. Ah feel so blind. Does the cutie map just assume we’re gonna find it by magic?”

“Well, it is magic, darling.”

“Yeah, ah get that. It’s just plum messy s’what ah’m sayin’.”

“Well,” Twilight said, interrupting them, “you did a great job on this one, even with me being ill. So good work, girls! Now we get to wait for the next one.”

“Indeed. I’m glad you’re feeling better Twilight,” said Rarity. She stood up from her chair and picked up her bags, heading for the door. Applejack followed soon after.

“Y’all make sure you get better, okay, Twi? Have a good ‘un!”

“I will!”

They left and Twilight was alone in the castle with Spike again. She went to her library started work on some other research. Life was normal again.

Until she traveled to Detrot. She tried not to make her trips last more than a week. Celestia’s advice was that she not spend more than a week away from her royal duties. She tried to make sure and follow that advice, and was never gone for long. She understood why Celestia said it because every time she got back there were duties and orders and requests piling up one after another, but she needed that book.

It was a treatise on the kirin and their biology, which Twilight had never really studied much before. A local bookstore owner had found it in Saddle Arabia among a pile of others and immediately had bought it. He was supposed to be returning with it soon, but hadn’t yet arrived. She was desperate to see it!

But she got ill.

One week to the day after leaving Ponyville, she began feeling lethargic. She didn’t understand. When she went to visit Canterlot or the Crystal Empire this never happened. Was the city life just too much for her? She was exhausted all the time, her eyes were heavy, her head was pounding, and she couldn’t even bring herself to keep her wings out of the mud on the streets. She tried to tough it out, but after nine days away from home, she couldn’t even leave her bed. The last thing she remembered was a group of ponies rushing into her room, followed by a bright light…

Discovery

Twilight awoke in bed in her crystal castle in Ponyville. The book on the kirin was on her bedside table, along with a letter written in Celestia’s personal script. She picked it up and opened it, reading the message.

“Dear Twilight Sparkle, I heard you took in on your recent trip due to your interest in the kirin. I paid the owner generously for the book you’d gone out of your way to get. I hope you feel better soon. Love, Princess Celestia.”

“Oh…” Twilight picked up the book and looked at the cured, wooden cover. She smiled and opened it, devouring the contents greedily until Spike poked his head in the door.

“Twilight, how are you feeling?” he asked.

“I’m feeling great, Spike!” she said from her spot on the bed. He came up to the bed and fidgeted, peering up at her.

“Oh, that’s good. Do you need anything?”

“Nope!”

“Oh, well, okay. Let me know if you do? And… don’t go anywhere without me, okay? I was worried sick.”

“Awww, that’s so sweet, Spike. Okay. I’ll try to take you with me when I go.”

“G-good!” His face screwed up before he grabbed the blankets shoved his face in them. He didn’t cry, but it looked like he was about to. Twilight patted him on the back and rubbed until he pulled his head out. The blanket was wet, but she didn’t say anything about it. “I’m just worried about you, okay? Anytime you go somewhere I’m not allowed, something bad happens, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Take me with you next time, okay?”

“You’re a teenage dragon now, so okay, I promise I will.”

“Thanks, Twilight.” Spike pulled away from the bed and walked back to the door, he stepped outside without offering to make her something to eat, but she didn’t mind. He was a little sad now.

She continued reading the book, enjoying all the information about the Kirin she could until it was time for work. She got up, readied herself, and waited patiently for Spike before leaving for the friendship school. They got there early, as Twilight was wont to do, and prepared for the day.

Teaching went as normal as could be expected. Twilight handled a few problems in class, took care of some of the students who needed a bit of extra guidance along with Starlight, and then watched as they played ball out in the fields. She was sitting, reading her book on Kirin while the students played, when a discus came flying out of nowhere.

“Look out!” somepony shouted. Twilight looked up just in time for the discus to strike her right across the eyes! She found herself on the ground, staring up at the sky, with only a fuzzy feeling in her right cheek.

Spike was immediately at her side, claws covering her face. “Oh, no, Twilight! come on, let’s get back to the castle!”

“Spike? What… I can’t see out of my eye, is it bleeding?”

“No no no no. It’s not bleeding. But it’s really bruised. Come on.” He tugged at Twilight’s hoof and she staggered to stand. Others were coming around to watch. The yak that had hurled the discus looked ashamed and worried.

“Okay… okay.” Twilight’s face still felt fuzzy and she smelled something acrid. She reached out with her magic and picked up her book from where it fell. Spike kept his claws over her face, pushing her gently but insistently away from the crowd.

“Twilight, are you okay?” Fluttershy asked.

“She’s fine, come on, Twilight, teleport home!” Spike said with his claws on her face.

Twilight still wasn’t sure what was happening, but with her head ringing, her nose stinging, and the crowd coming quick, she listened to him and teleported them back to the Crystal Castle.

Spike pulled his claws away from her face the moment they arrived and stared up at her. “Come on, come on!”

“Come on, what?” she asked. The fuzzy-feeling sting on her cheek and eye answered her question. Slowly her sight returned. She could see shapes and dots at first, but the more time passed the better her vision became. She felt something slide up her cheek and the smell of ozone hit her nose, then she could see again. She blinked and shook her head. “What was that?”

“Nothing, Twilight,” Spike insisted. “It was nothing. I’m just glad you’re okay.” He patted her on the leg.

“Wait… I was hit by a discus. In the eye, I shouldn’t be okay so quickly! That’s not how ponies work!” She patted her cheek. “It doesn’t even hurt anymore!”

“Isn’t that good?” Spike asked. “The crystal castle is just helping.”

“That’s… that doesn’t make sense!” She squinted at him. “Can it do that? Heal ponies? Should I be bringing everypony inside when they get sick.”

Spike looked awkward. “Ah, I think it only helps you and the other elements.”

“That’s awfully specific.”

“It is, but isn’t that good? You are the ones doing all the dangerous stuff.”

“Hmm… a good point, but I need to know more.” She trotted out of the room to her library.

Once again, Twilight found herself hunting and not finding information on the tree of harmony. Once again, she found herself out in Canterlot, hunting through book after book, looking for information again. Once again, Celestia appeared before her in the late afternoon, and once again she invited Twilight to have dinner with a grab of her wing.

This time, Twilight ducked away. “Wait! I have questions! I can’t stop to have supper when this is so important!”

Celestia looked at her curiously. “How do you mean, dear Twilight?”

“I mean I was hit today. In the eye. I couldn’t see out of it until Spike insisted I come back home. When we got there, it fixed itself, almost instantly. No blood, no bruise, not even a mark or a scar. If the crystal castle can heal ponies, shouldn’t I be using that to help?”

Celestia laughed lightly. “My dear Twilight. Always thinking of others before yourself. You really are the princess of Friendship, aren’t you?”

Twilight blushed and pawed at the floor. “Well, I try to be. It’s been hard, but I’m trying.”

“Twilight, dearest. You want to help others, but what if the castle is keeping you unhurt because you’re the princess?”

“Spike said that too. It just seems wrong to keep it for myself.” She lowered her head, looking at the floor.

Celestia put a wing around her, pulling her away from the shelves. She took the book Twilight was reading in her magic and placed it back on the shelf. They walked slowly toward the door.

“Why don’t we have dinner and talk about this, okay?”

“Dinner?”

“Yes. You can tell me about your injury and how it fixed itself in the castle, and I can tell you anything I know that might help you better understand what’s going on.”

Twilight struggled out from under Celestia’s wing. “No! I can’t do that! I can possibly help ponies in need! Have something sent up!”

Ever patient, Celestia turned to watch her pull away, that half-smile on her face. “Twilight, you can’t help other ponies if you can’t even help yourself.”

“I just… feel like there’s more that I can do. That there’s something I’m missing. Something important. Something I don’t understand about the castle…” she trailed off, unsure what she was trying to understand, but sure that she needed to. Whatever had just happened to her was important. She needed to test it. “I think, I should go back home.”

“You’re not even going to stay for dinner? I can have something sent up like you asked. We’ll eat in here.”

“No. No no. I have to test something.”

“Twilight…” Celestia said, a note of concern creeping into her voice. “What are you going to do?”

“I know how to test the castle.”

“Twilight…!” Celestia said, moving closer.

“If I can figure out what it does then I can try to study it myself…”

“Twilight!” Celestia said, breaking into a trot.

“Then I can make it work on other ponies, too!” Twilight lit her horn just as Celestia reached her. “And I can figure it out!”

Celestia reached the purple sparkle as it disappeared, Twilight gone.

Pain

Twilight reappeared in her castle in a flash. She had left Spike in Canterlot, but Celestia would take care of him while he was there and send him home soon enough. She hadn’t broken her promise to take him with her, but she had broken her promise to keep him with her when she came back. But for this, it was necessary. He wouldn’t want to see this. Twilight went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. She went into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror, then looked at the knife she was holding.

It was long, and it was sharp. Very sharp. It was the kind of edge that a tool meant for cutting things would have. It served one purpose, and it served that purpose very well. It was all she would need.

…if she could do it.

She held up a hoof and placed it on the edge of the sink, staring at the violet fur. The idea was that if the castle wanted to keep her alive, then she could cut herself, and it would heal. She had been smashed in the eye by a discus, and the castle had fixed it almost instantly. There wasn’t even any blood left on her fur. If she could prove the castle was doing what she suspected it was doing, then she could cut herself and it would fix it.

Unless the castle didn’t deal with self-inflicted wounds the same way. Would it seem them as a violation of some agreement Twilight had made with the castle upon its creation? Was it wrong to think of it that way? Would the castle agree? Did it even care?”

All these questions buzzed through Twilight’s head as she stared at the hoof over the sink. It seemed to grow larger, swelling in size then shrinking as she stared. She felt dizzy the longer she looked and tried to convince herself to bring the knife down. Could she do it? Would she do it? She had always been so centered and calm. This seemed crazy, absolutely crazy. Like the insane machinations of somepony who thought they knew the secrets of the universe but only knew what days the trash went out.

Twilight shook her head, took a deep breath, and slashed herself along the leg.

It hurt. She knew it would, but the idea that she was causing the pain herself made her feel sick. She retched, but held back the vomit through force of will. She forced herself to look. To see the injury she had put on herself. Her vision swam, she felt light-headed, but she stared.

The injury knit itself closed almost instantly. Where the knife tracked, the skin closed immediately afterward, without allowing any blood out. Twilight felt a surge of satisfaction. She was right! The castle could fix it!

It was simpler the second time. The first time, when she didn’t know if she was right or wrong and would be left with a self-inflicted wound was hard, this was simple now. The wound closed itself as she cut again, leaving no blood. She smiled. She took the knife and walked to the front of the castle, stepping outside the doors. She looked around to make sure nopony was nearby, then cut herself again. It barely hurt, but this time, when she was outside, the wound didn’t close. The skin parted under the knife, letting her see the flesh beneath.

No blood came out.

Twilight stared at the hole she’d put in her hoof. Beneath the skin she saw a muscle, but this didn’t look anything like the muscles she had experimented on and seen in all her books. Where she had expected to see red meat bleeding within, she saw grey fibre tensing underneath her skin. She twisted her hoof, watching as it moved along with her, and the faint scent of ozone hit her nose. Twilight stared only a moment longer before she hurried back inside. The wound closed and she tried to just breathe.

It was hard.

She didn’t know what she had just seen.

She paced as she tried to explain away the strange sight within her skin. “If…” she began, “there were a change in my physiology from ascending to an alicorn, then that would explain the appearance. But… it still doesn’t explain the healing. Celestia was struck down by Chrysalis quite easily and didn’t heal very fast, and then there was the time she was turned to stone. Maybe healing doesn’t fix stone that easily? I suppose it might not if the whole body is changed, but then that doesn’t explain why I only heal in side my castle. Does Celestia have to be inside her castle? She was inside the castle when Chrysalis attacked, so how does that factor in? Is there some change that a changeling could affect upon an alicorn? Cadance was injured when she was kept under the castle as well inside the mountain, not to mention the way Celestia was beaten down by Nightmare Moon. Does it not affect us if we’re fighting each other? Can Alicorn magic remove alicorn magic? That doesn’t make sense, none of this makes sense! I don’t know what’s happening! How is the castle doing this? Is it me or the castle?”

Twilight babbled incessantly to herself while trying to figure out what was going on. She couldn’t understand it, and none of it made sense. It didn’t line up with anything she’d seen or heard about with the other princesses. Was it unique to her? Some part of her special talent as a princess? That didn’t seem to make sense, because if it were, why didn’t it affect anypony else? Friendship was about helping those outside yourself, not taking it all for yourself.

“Okay, calm down Twilight,” she told herself. “You need to think about this logically. Your wound and lack of blood aside, the thing affecting it all is the castle, right?” She looked up at the castle walls around her. The crystals reflected the light from outside, shining all over, creating rainbows and waving visions. “The castle is where I have to be if I want to heal, but Spike has skinned his knee and bumped his head and it was never fixed instantly. So it’s just me, and it’s just the castle.” She wandered down the halls, staring at the crystals surrounding her.

“If the castle is the catalyst, then that means there’s something about it, something inside it, that makes it happen, and it affects me. Maybe all alicorns, but there’s only five of us, so that’s not a good sample size. I will need to test it with others, but I can’t ask ponies to come hurt themselves. That’s not good. I need to study it more before I try that, and that means I need to know more, but there’s no books on the subject here, and I can’t go to Canterlot because I just left and I didn’t find any books anyway and… UGH!”

There was no real rhyme or reason to it that Twilight could yet determine. She healed inside the castle, but why? In anger, Twilight kicked a wall, snapping off a crystal from a corner. It cracked and shattered to the side revealing strange, grey parts, not unlike what she’d seen under her own skin. The smell of ozone hit her nose and she saw lightning for a moment before it started to grow back. The shard on the floor remained, with pieces of the grey stuff still attached to it. Twilight picked it up in her magic and stared at it, not quite understanding what it was she was looking at.

Twilight took her knife and cut herself again. She saw the grey muscle beneath, and it almost instantly began healing, but she held the crystal up next to it and compared the two. She had to cut the wound several times while she looked, until she cut so deep she went down to the bone. There, at the base of her flesh, was a bit of metal close enough in make and style to look exactly like that on the crystal. She and the Crystal Castle were made of the same stuff on the inside. The only difference was her flesh, and its crystal.

She slowly lowered the crystal. Her hoof healed soon enough and she could stand on it, but the crystal hung ominously next to her head, held in her magic, reminding her of what she had just seen.

“I’m… made of the castle? Or is the castle made of me? I guess I’m connected to it somehow, which explains why I heal when inside it, but what does that mean? How did it happen? I used to bleed, right? I used to bleed. I remember skinning my knee. I remember Shining kissing it better and patching me up.”

Twilight stood still, trying to reconcile this. She thought about the reasons why she would be different on the inside now. Everything pointed to her being an alicorn, and the fact that such an ascension wouldn’t have ever been easy. There were only five of them in the known world, so not much was known to begin with. If the others were like she was, it would help her understand, because she had never read anything at all about alicorn physiology that went into any depth on the subject. She needed more information. She wanted to send a letter to Celestia, but Spike had been left behind in Canterlot. For now, all she had to work with was herself, and that would have to do.

Twilight descended to her workshop beneath the crystal castle. Grown into the soil with the rest of the crystal, it gave her an isolated room within which she could perform whatever experiments and activities she wanted. Inside it, she had all the tools, bottles, phials, flasks, and machines she wanted. With them, she was going to understand herself.

The first thing she did was to take a sample of flesh. She pulled it off and new skin grew in its place. She set that aside in a tray and moved to the next step; muscle. She braced herself, held the knife in her magic, put a piece of wood between her teeth and dug it in. She screamed, muffled, as she pushed it in hard, slicing through the sinewy stuff to detach it from herself. It healed while she was digging, forcing her to go back over pieces that had reattached. It wasn’t until she grabbed the edges with her magic and pulled it away from herself that she could finally cut a chunk off.

She was panting when she finished, but she also noticed she wasn’t sweating. Something like that—so emotionally, painfully, and physically taxing—should have left her covered in it, but her coat remained dry and unlathered. While she was at it, with the stick still between her teeth, she yanked out one of each type of feather she had, wincing at the pain, but not caring about it. They grew back immediately. Twilight, undamaged by now, looked at the collection of her pieces on the table before her. She pulled out her alchemical tools and put herself to work to understand what was going on.

She started with her feathers, unwilling to move on to the flesh and muscle so quickly. She put them under her microscope, checking them for the same structure and build as other pegasi or even birds. She found nothing unusual. Her wings were built of the same stuff, assembled in the same way, just slightly enlarged, like the other alicorns. She took a sample of her fur from the skin she had removed and looked at that, and was pleased to find that there was nothing unusual about it. It had the same structure as other fur. Her mane was the same when she plucked a hair from her head. Nothing strange. With no other choice, she moved on to the skin, breath catching as she pushed it under the microscope.

She felt a chill as she finally got a look at it. It was skin, but different. It had cells in it, but they weren’t the same as the cells of a normal pony. They were rigid, and looked like they would be more prone to tearing, and right now, they weren’t moving. They appeared, for all intents and purposes, to be dead or dormant.

Quickly, with no time for trepidation but urged on by equal measures of possibility and fear, Twilight thrust the skin to the side and pulled in a piece of muscle. What she saw inside it was both terrifying and wondrous.

Her muscle was made of more of the same dormant cells. Structured so as to look pony-made, the cells and fixtures of her body were made of the tiniest creatures, holding each other together with tiny, mechanical arms. They looked like they could stretch or bunch together to behave as normal muscle, but they themselves weren’t the normal pieces of a pony’s body!

Quickly, Twilight picked up the chunk of muscle and moved to her chemistry setup. She exposed the muscle to heat, watching the reactions of the creatures within it. She exposed them to cold, to acid, to water, and tested the skin as well. They behaved normally for the most part, but the structure of the organism within her were more resilient. They were powerful, special, unique, and hardy. They could take higher temperatures before melting or being destroyed, they could take colder temperatures before seizing up, and they didn’t dissolve in acids as quickly as other things.

It raised more questions than it answered, unfortunately. Because the feathers, hair, and fur were the same, and her eye had been blinded by the discus, so what about the other parts of her body? How did they react? What of her was this new material, and what was old? Twilight needed to know more.

She tested the feather, fur, and hair, just to be sure, and was pleased to see she was right. They were normal. But were her organs changed? Were her eyes? Her… horn? How much was different and how could she tell?

Twilight’s hoof went up to her eye. She gently prodded it, feeling it give slightly. It felt like it always had, but the discus hitting her had damaged it somehow. She hadn’t gotten a look before the castle had healed it, but something had happened. Was she willing to irreversibly damage her eyeball just for the sake of experimentation? Just to understand what had changed about her body?

She answered herself by picking up a scalpel and holding it in front of her face. She could see the faint purple glow of her magic holding it up. The blade was pointed at her eye and she swallowed hard. She thought about the feeling of the discus striking her face and the sensation of something hanging off her cheek. Whatever had happened, it had been fixed. It had been fixed.

“It will be fixed,” she said to herself, and pressed the scalpel in.

It hurt. A lot. The stabbing of the scalpel into her eye brought searingly painful sensation with it, but she persevered. She drove it in, vision swimming and changing as the scalpel prevented it from working. Parts of her right eye went dark as it ruined it, then she yanked the scalpel out. She panted and grit her teeth.

Her vision came back.

The castle and whatever strange effect it had on her healed the wound in her eye. Her vision came back in less than a minute, perfect and pristine. There was no lasting damage, and a quick look in a mirror proved to her there was no blood. She was fine. Nothing changed. She could injure her eyes and nothing bad would happen. She started laughing.

It was nervous laughter at first, but it quickly devolved into mad cackling. She laughed, harder and harder. She brought the scalpel up to her face and stabbed herself in the eye again. It healed, and despite her wincing she did it again. She stabbed her eye every time it fixed itself, then drew a painful line across her horn. That healed too. As long as she was in the castle, nothing could permanently damage her. She stabbed herself in the chest and it healed. She stabbed herself in the hoof and it healed. She drew a line across her throat. There was no blood and it healed. She laughed madly, cackling filling the castle walls.

Friends

It was there, late at night that Spike found her.

She was repeating the motion of stabbing herself in the eye. Every thirty seconds like clockwork she would shank her eyeball with the scalpel. It would heal every time, making a fresh, unbleeding wound in the same place. She repeated the motion again and again until Spike grabbed it out of the air. He hugged her and held on, saying nothing.

It was him who cried instead of Twilight. Despite all the pain she had been through and the confusion she had experienced, she didn’t know what to feel. Spike’s sobs brought her out of her confused stupor.

“Spike? What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I’m sorry, Twilight,” he whimpered.

“Sorry for what?”

He didn’t answer her question. Instead he wiped his nose on her fur and patted her on the shoulder. “You should go visit Celestia, she’ll be able to answer all this.”

Twilight considered his words, but shook her head. “I don’t want to bother her with this until I understand what’s going on. I may need to ask her for a sample of… herself. If she’s like me she’ll be fine, but I need to prove I have my research complete and—”

Spike was crying again. She wasn’t sure what to make of it. He just cried, “It’s my fault!”

“What? What’s your fault?”

“All of this!” he motioned to the table where all her pieces were set up. Twilight realized it might be a little macabre for her to have pieces of herself out of a table. Spike didn’t seem curious, though, and almost seemed to accept it.

“What do you mean, Spike?” she asked.

“I mean… you’re my fault.”

“I’m your fault?” She pulled away and looked at him, squinting. “How am I your fault.”

“Celestia said we could keep it going like it was, but you kept needing to be reset when you got too curious. I wanted you to be left alone, but now we’re here! I can’t keep going it! It’s not okay!”

“Wait, wait, wait! Reset me?” She pulled further away, horn lit and ready. “Explain!”

Spike just cried harder. He dropped to the floor and wailed. Twilight almost felt bad for yelling at him, but he knew what was going on, and he might even know what was wrong with her and the castle. If she could get information from him, she wanted it. She needed to understand this.

“Spike! Explain it!” She was angry and didn’t have time for him to finish. He was keeping secrets. He slowly calmed down and looked at her. He sniffled but nodded.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Give me a minute. I can explain most of it. I don’t know all the details, but I know what matters.” He looked at her hooves, not willing to look her in the eye. “Promise you won’t get too mad?”

“I can’t promise anything. I’m confused and honestly a little scared. Just explain it and I’ll see how I feel.”

“Okay…” he began. “The important part is; you’re not real.”

Twilight felt both fear and relief. Spike was clearly being ridiculous. She was real. She’d stabbed herself with a knife, been hit by a discus, and even shaken some hooves. Princess Celestia was able to grab her and take her under a wing. She was as real as anypony else.

“Spike—” she said, but he continued on.

“And not like you don’t exist, you do! But…” He fidgeted in place, clearly unsure how to continue.

“But what?” Twilight urged him on, unsure if she wanted to know or if she just wanted to keep it a secret and live without ever knowing what he had to say. At the same time, she knew she’d never be able to live without knowing. The curiosity would eat her from the inside out and she would inevitably seek out the answers herself. She prodded, pushing him on.

“But you’re not Twilight,” he finished.

“Spike,” she said, “I’m obviously Twilight.” She spread her wings and motioned to herself. “I look like her, I act like her, and I know her family. I’m Twilight.”

“But, you’re not!” Spike wailed. “When you died making the mystery cure, I was so sad at having lost my only family, and Celestia said she could fix it! So…she did, and now you’re here.”

“And… I’m not Twilight.” She tapped her chest. Spike shook his head. “So, if I’m not Twilight, who am I?”

“I don’t know, but Celestia made you, and it’s been okay, but you’re not the same.” Spike moved in as if to give her a hug, but pulled away before he did. Twilight was too confused to really respond.

“I’m… not sure what to think of this, Spike,” she said. “I don’t know how much I believe.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Please leave me alone for a while. I need to think.”

“Okay…”

When Spike left the room, Twilight was alone once more. She stared into space for a few minutes before turning to the pile of experiments she had left on the table. The smell of chemicals and faint smoke filled the air, not fully blown away by the ventilation in the room yet. She went to pick up the flesh and held the vials in her magic. She looked at each one in turn, her mind’s eye bringing forth the image of them under the microscope.

Her body was made of materials that could bend and flex but weren’t normal cells. She was made of tiny things with gripping arms and flexible bodies, built to bend, stretch, and compress. She could see, she could use magic, and she could move as normal. Nothing felt different. Nothing seemed different. So what was different?

In a seeming daze Twilight picked up the scalpel again. She drew it across her leg and watched as it healed. There was pain, but after what she had put herself through it was a mild discomfort. She barely felt it anymore. Spike’s explanation of what she was and what had happened seemed to make sense, but how much sense did it really make? She went over it all in her head, piece by piece, trying to recall what had happened.

He said it was during the time she was trying to make the cure for the spell where she had twisted her friend’s cutie marks. She had completed it, brought her friends together to get them to help each other restore their cutie marks, then she had… finished the spell? She remembered light, then she remembered looking over her life with Celestia. All her history. Her entire life…

That gave her pause.

Everypony said your life flashed before your eyes when you died. Nopony could ever prove it, but she had walked with Celestia past doors that looked out over events in her life. Her time as a foal completing the entrance exam to Celestia’s school for gifted unicorns. Her time in the school. Her time studying more and more instead of making friends, and then… her time in Ponyville, when she was still a unicorn, making friends with everypony.

If any of those stories could be trusted…

If she had died, and she wasn’t actually Twilight, how much of what she remembered was correct? Was she just a fake? A simulacrum put together to fill Twilight’s place, like Spike said? It made him feel better, but how many other ponies knew, and how many cared?

Did her family know? Would it matter if they did? Did they care, or were they just happy to be “related” to the princess of friendship?

Then was the matter of the castle! It had built itself after the library was destroyed by Tirek. Was there Celestia’s hoof in that? Was it herself that built it or was it the elements of harmony? If she had died, would the elements even still be attached to her? Her friends got calls all the time for friendship problems. She had even been called herself!

Twilight found her mind scattered. She simultaneously wondered about the way her magic worked, how the castle worked, and also about how her family and friends thought of her. Her mind whirled with thoughts of maps, friends, family, princesses, magic, and how it all connected. She couldn’t focus on any single one for very long before her mind went to another. This changed so much she didn’t know how to handle it! The world spun.

Twilight next heard Spike’s voice sometime later. She came to herself still in the basement, laying on the floor. She lifted her head and looked over at the voice and saw Spike, standing near the stairs. He looked worried, and she could guess why, but she didn’t care.

“What do you want?” Twilight demanded from her place on the floor.

“I… just came to offer you something to eat.”

“I’m not hungry,” Twilight said. She wasn’t, but she wasn’t sure if it was because she wasn’t real or because of some other reason. She assumed her body needed to eat, but what it was made of made her question that. That and she hadn’t felt hungry or heard her stomach grumble in all the time she’d been down here. Had she fooled herself all this time?

“W-well, don’t wait too long, okay?”

“Okay,” she said flatly. He left, and she stayed there on the floor, unmoving.

More time passed without her paying attention. She lay there, pondering her life and what it meant to her without paying attention to the passing of the hours. Spike came again, but he merely stared without saying anything, and she didn’t speak to him. Once, she idly picked up the vial holding the burnt remains of her strange flesh. She threw it away and it shattered on the floor.

“Twilight, are you okay?” A familiar squeaky voice asked. Twilight looked and saw Pinkie Pie in the stairs with Spike just behind her. She was carrying balloons and a card, along with a plate of actual food and a single cupcake. “Spike told me you weren’t feeling well.”

“Ugh. I’m fine, I’m just not hungry.”

“Everypony needs to eat, you know. Especially when you’re not hungry.”

“I don’t want to. I don’t even need it.”

Pinkie gave Twilight a small smile that Twilight found insufferable. She frowned as the pink pony invited herself in and put the plate of food on the floor next to her. She pushed it toward Twilight with a smile, who used her magic to push it back. Pinkie pushed it back, then Twilight pushed it away. Pinkie giggled and pushed it even closer, then Twilight picked it up and hurled it away. Pinkie dashed after it and caught it before it hit the floor. Somehow. Twilight was never sure how she did that.

“Twilight, what’s got your rump-us in a grumpuss?” Pinkie asked.

“It’s a long story, Pinkie. You won’t believe it.”

“I believe in a lot of things, silly. Like Windigoes, and elements of harmony, and the mare in the moon (until she came down), and Tartarus and a whole bunch of other stuff!” She waved her hooves in the air. “Almost all those things are true, so what do you have to say that’s so unbelievable?”

Twilight rolled over. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Pinkie followed her as she rolled over, staying in front of her face. “Well, if you won’t talk about it, will you at least eat? I know it’ll taste like ash, but you’ll die if you don’t eat.”

“Probably not,” Twilight muttered.

“I’m not willing to take that chance. Eat, please?”

“If I take a bite will you go away?”

“Yes, absolutely!” Pinkie beamed.

Twilight grabbed a scoop of potatoes in her magic and shoved it in her mouth. She chewed noisily, losing scraps of it to the floor. She stared at Pinkie’s smiling face the whole time until she swallowed. “Now leave.”

“Okey-dokey-lokey! I’ll bring more when it’s dinnertime! Thanks for taking a bite, Twilight! It means a lot!” She grabbed Spike on her way out, dragging him up the stairs.

Twilight stayed there, seething for a little while. She didn’t know if it was good or bad that she felt something, but Pinkie had given her an idea: All her friends supposedly knew her well, and none of them had yet commented on her state. Did they know, or did they not? Maybe each one had some secret they shared with Twilight that would help her determine if she was Twilight, or not. It would be a start, anyway.

Without a word to Spike, or even leaving the basement, she teleported to Sweet Apple Acres.

She traversed the orchard, hunting for Applejack. If anypony was going to know something esoteric about her, it would be Applejack. The apple family made it a point to record everything about everypony in their family, so why would anything strange be forgotten about close friends?

She found Applejack, doing as the mare was wont to do. A rain of apples came out of the tree into the basket and Twilight took that moment to approach. “Applejack!” she called.

“Well, hey Twi. What’s up?”

“I need to know if you know something different about me. Something nopony else knows, that only I would ever have known.”

Applejack rubbed the back of her neck. Her hat tilted as she thought. “Ah don’t rightly know that ah do. Ever since we first met we’ve been friends, but ah don’t think anything’s odd or secret.”

“How did we meet?”

“Well shewt, Summer Sun Celebration. You came to check the food. We fed ya to near burstin’!” she laughed.

Twilight stood there, silent. She was right. That was how it happened, but it wasn’t unique. Even Twilight remembered that.

“Is there anything… else you know about Twilight—me, I mean—that might be different or special or something?”

Applejack looked at her strangely. “Why you suddenly so interested?” She rubbed her neck. “I mean, there’s all the stuff we’ve done as the elements…”

“No!” Twilight shouted. Applejack recoiled and glared at her. “I mean… no, that’s not good enough. That’s known by everypony! I need something unique!”

“Twi, we’ve only known each other for a few years. I don’t think that’s quite enough time to make unique, secret memories or whatever.”

Twilight groaned and lit her horn. She was gone in an instant, landing just outside Fluttershy’s cottage. She growled and grumbled in a small circle, then turned and stared at Fluttershy’s door. She pounded on it, probably rougher than she should have, and waited patiently for the mare to answer.

She wasn’t that patient.

She lifted her hoof to thump on it again but ended up stumbling in when Angel swung open the door. Fluttershy was right behind him. She rushed to help Twilight back up, helping her to her hooves.

“Twilight, are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Twilight turned her gaze on Fluttershy, who recoiled from the intensity of it. “Fluttershy! Tell me something only you and Twilight know!”

“Me and—” she shuffled backward and Angel jumped in front of her, his paws at the ready. “Are you a changeling?” she said meekly.

“No, I’m not a—” She thought about it and realized she couldn’t answer that with any confidence. “I need to know if you know anything about me somepony else doesn’t. I know how we met; you didn’t talk to me until you saw Spike, but what else? Something we know? Something secret!”

“I… I don’t think so?” Fluttershy mumbled. “We haven’t known each other super long. Several years?”

Twilight flung her head upward. “Ugh! Come on, anything! Please!” She moved toward Fluttershy, but was stopped by a paw on her leg. Angel was down below, glaring up at her. He shook his head.

“Twilight, you’re scaring me. Please stop,” Fluttershy said. Twilight looked at her and finally realized how terrified the poor mare looked. She was hunched over, mane in front of her face. Her wings were tight against her side and she was holding herself sideways. Angel was angry. He whopped her in the foreleg and stamped his foot.

“Fine.” Twilight lit her horn, and was gone.

She reappeared in Rarity’s boutique. She looked around at all the dresses and saw Rarity, mane disheveled, needles and pins in her mouth and scissors and tape in her magic. The pins and needles dropped to the floor.

“Twilight? Darling, what are you doing here? You look absolutely awful!” Rarity came trotting forward. Her magic deposited everything on a shelf nearby. She adjusted her glasses as she walked.

“Rarity! The Grand Galloping Gala! Did I demand that my dress have all the accurate stars from the constellations and Starswirl’s bells?” Twilight shouted.

“Well… yes, I mean, of course. That dress was simply dreadful! But why does that—”

Twilight turned away, ignoring the mare. “No, everypony saw that dress, it was a joke, so a lot of ponies would know about it. We even put it on display! I need something else.”

“Twilight? Darling, are you alright?”

Twilight whirled on Rarity. “I’m not alright, and nothing makes sense!” She was gone in a flash.

Rainbow Dash wasn’t home when she arrived. It made sense that she wouldn’t be, she was always off working with the Wonderbolts. Twilight barged into her house through the clouds, breaking apart a wall to get inside.

“Rainbow! Give me something that’s only yours and mine! Something terrible! Something embarrassing!” She shouted into the empty clouds. She ripped through the dresser, tore open the closet, and strew everything about the room. There were no pictures of her, no stories, no journal entries. Just a few copies of Daring Do that she had lent and given to Rainbow Dash. Her signature was inside the cover. She took a quill and wrote on a nearby desk. Her signature was the same. There was no difference, but that was easy to recreate. Anypony could forge it. Anypony could be taught to forge it!

“Dammit! This isn’t enough! None of it is enough!” She stood in the midst of the mess she had made. She thought about cleaning it up, but decided she didn’t care enough. She might not even be Twilight, and that meant she wasn’t Rainbow Dash’s friend, so she didn’t even need to care. She needed something better. More proof of her existence.

She needed her family.

With another flash, she was gone, leaving a piece of parchment fluttering to the floor.

In the Crystal Empire, Shining Armor and Cadance were enjoying a moment of romance, sharing a dinner prepared especially for them while Sunburst was watching Flurry Heart. They clinked their glasses and were lifting the glasses to their lips when Twilight appeared in a flash. She was standing on the table, hooves in their food. Her eyes went first to Shining, then over to Cadance. She looked at Cadance and shouted, then started dancing.

“Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake!” Cadance awkwardly joined in for the middle.

“Clap your hooves and do a little shake…?” she helped Twilight Finish. Twilight sighed happily, but then her face went dark.

“But even Shining knows about that now, that’s not enough! AGH!” She screamed.

She turned to her brother. “BBBFF stands for ‘big brother best friend forever!’” she shouted. He nodded, confused.

“Uh, yes?”

“Of course it does! Tell me something only you know about me, Shining! Something I should know if I were Twilight Sparkle!”

“But you are Twilight Sparkle.”

“Tell me!” she raged. Her mane flopped wildly. The mess of hair was disheveled and crooked, uncared for for days. Shining Armor cringed. He had his horn on ready to cast a shield spell. The only reason he hadn’t was because it was his sister in front of him.

“Uhhhh… what’s on page fifty-two of the monstrous manual in Ogres and Oubliettes?”

Twilight shivered. She knew. Of course she knew. She’d always known. That was the hydra. It grows two heads when you cut off one. Armor: 5. Bite damage: 8. Twilight sat down on the table, squashing the potatoes. A plate slid off the table and clattered to the floor. Shining Armor and Cadance looked like they had calmed down. Cadance was cleaning up while Shining Armor reached out to put a hoof on Twilight withers.

“Twili, are you okay? You seem a little… off,” Shining said.

Twilight almost started crying. She felt it building, but she never made it there. That made her worry. Could she cry? Had she cried since she became a princess? She was sure she had. There was the invasion of Canterlot by the Storm King. Had she even been in danger, then? Could she have turned to stone like the others? Would her crystal castle have protected her or brought her back? How did it all work? Why did it all work? She had her memories of her family and friends, but what had changed it all?

Celestia.

Twilight’s horn lit up, and she was gone before Shining could touch her.

A Princess

In the library of Canterlot’s castle, there was a flash. Twilight appeared within it, disheveled, dirty, and gaunt. Celestia was already there, seemingly waiting for her. She turned to look at the panicked alicorn, who immediately started crying.

“P-princess, what’s wrong with meee?” Twilight cried.

Celestia walked slowly toward Twilight, wings slightly stretched out wide to indicate the middle of the day. She walked up next to the messy Twilight and wrapped a wing around her. She pulled her in close. “Nothing is wrong with you, Twilight, dear.”

“I’m not the same Twilight I was! I think I know the same things, but… but… Spike said… and I’m not made of… of… of pony!” She put her face in her hooves and sobbed, then rubbed vigorously and looked up at Celestia. The older alicorn beamed down at her. Like the sun, Twilight thought, and then giggled uncontrollably. When she finally calmed down, she took a deep breath. “Celestia, did I die?”

Celestia’s eyes blinked closed slowly. The same generous smile stayed on her face as she answered. “You did.”

Twilight felt a flash of terror. “Then… then I’m not Twilight?”

“You are Twilight. As much Twilight as you ever were.”

Twilight made a pained face. “But that’s not how it works! If I’m just a copy of Twilight, then I’m not the same pony, am I?”

“Do you think it’s a big difference?”

“Of course it is! If I… I mean… if Twilight d-d-d…” Twilight choked on her tears.

“Died?”

“If she died, then everything she was, everything she was going to be… every hope, dream, and aspiration… they’re all gone! Everything everypony loved about Twilight, everything they wanted to see her become is gone!”

Celestia closed her eyes again. When she opened them, they glittered strangely. “Has anypony noticed?”

Twilight thought back to the way her friends had acted. How none of them really seemed to notice that there was a difference, and if there was, they didn’t care. The only one that really cared was Spike, who said he was the problem to begin with.

“Spike has.”

“It was Spike who wanted it the most.”

“But why? I’m not Twilight. He knows that. He’s always known. She’s…”

“Dead.”

“Yes.”

“You… or Twilight, I should say, were his mother. Nopony wants to see their mother die. Twilight felt the same way about her mother, and I’m sure other ponies all feel the same. He had no direction. Nopony to turn to. No protector or caregiver. It’s a terrible way to live, wouldn’t you agree?”

“I would.”

“Being as young as he is, and seeing his mother die, Spike wished for her to come back. I can’t raise a pony from the dead, of course, but I can create things. In all my time as Twilight’s teacher, I knew her better than anypony. I knew her brother, since he was in the royal guard, and I knew her parents. I watched her grow, and I watched her learn, and I watched her change. So I gave him what I could.” She looked at Twilight. “You.”

“But I’m not Twilight Sparkle.”

“No, you’re not.”

Actually hearing the words spoken by Celestia hit her hard. She sat down heavily. “What am I?”

“A reasonable facsimile. A simulacrum. A doppelganger, if you will.”

“But not Twilight.”

“Do you feel like Twilight?”

She thought about it. She had all the memories, and new ones besides. She had all the friends and family, and none of them noticed or seemed to care.

“Yes,” she finally said.

“Then maybe it doesn’t matter, does it?” Celestia laughed lightly. “What do you feel like doing, now that you know?”

“I feel… nothing.”

“Then maybe it’s time you start figuring yourself out, isn’t it? Knowing what you know about Twilight Sparkle, how do you feel about her? She is your closest friend, whether you admit it or not. You know her better than anypony else.”

“I feel like she is… was… a good pony. A pony who wanted to help others”

“And what have you been doing all this time?”

“…helping others.”

“Do you think that because you’re an echo of Twilight, that it makes your actions less valid?”

“I… don’t know.”

“Why do you think they wouldn’t be?”

“Because I’m just a copy of Twilight! I’m not Twilight! I don’t have any desires of my own!”

“Don’t you?” Celestia pulled Twilight closer and leaned down. “What are you doing right now?”

“Trying to understand if I’m Twilight or not!”

“Do you think Twilight ever questioned that?”

Twilight stopped. “Maybe?” She searched through all her (or Twilight’s) memories. She found Twilight questioning her skills, but not her identity. “No,” she finally admitted.

“Then maybe you’ve finally grown up enough to start doing that, haven’t you?”

Twilight sniffled and looked up. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that if you’re finally accepting that you’re not Twilight, then you can finally accept that and become yourself, can’t you?”

“Can I?” Twilight said bitterly. “I have all these ponies depending on me to be who they think I am. If I change suddenly, won’t that make things harder on them? Won’t they then be distraught, knowing they lost a loved one? I mean, it’s bad knowing you’re not who you think you are, but they all think Twilight’s alive!”

“Isn’t she?”

“No! She died curing her friend’s cutie mark problems that she caused! Now I’m here to pretend I’m her so they don’t get sad!”

“Do you think that’s not worth doing?”

“It’s a lie! I’m lying to my friends!” Twilight stamped a hoof.

“Your friends? Not Twilight’s friends?”

“No! I mean, yes! They’re my friends too, not just Twilight’s!”

“So you have friends?”

Twilight looked away. “I don’t know. They don’t know me.”

“You’ve known them for as long as Twilight, haven’t you?”

“Have I?” She had. The idea that she’d known everypony in Twilight’s life for that long was disturbing to her. “But I was Twilight.”

“You remembered Twilight, but you weren’t her. You said it yourself. All the decisions you made since that day weren’t Twilight’s dreams, weren’t Twilight’s decisions. They were yours.”

“But…”

“Do you want to hurt your friends?”

“No.”

“Do you want to hurt Twilight’s friends?”

“…no.”

“And in all the time you’ve been living your life and making your decisions, have you done so?”

“A few times.”

“And how did you fix that?”

“I… apologized.”

“Do you think your existence is something to apologize for?”

“No.”

“Then do what you’ve always done and make your own decisions. Live how you want, like you’ve been doing, and be who you can be for your friends. They think you’re Twilight, and in many ways you are, but that doesn’t mean your existence is invalidated.”

Twilight stood there in silence. Celestia stood, waiting for her to come to some decision. She was patient, and Twilight still wondered if she was like her. Maybe someday she would ask, but not right now. Right now she had to figure herself out.

There was silence for quite some time. Not even Celestia moved. A bookshelf creaked and the sounds of a guard’s hooves passed the door out front. Twilight sat in frustrated silence, thinking about herself.

Twilight finally stood. She looked up at Celestia. “Thank you for talking, Princess. I know what I’m going to do.”

Celestia nodded. “I know you do. Whatever decision you make, I encourage it.”

Twilight gave her a small smile. “Thank you.” With a flash, she was gone.

Twilight appeared back in her castle. She called for Spike. “Spike! Are you here?”

His feet came running down the hall. He was carrying a washcloth wet with soapy water. “Twilight? Are you alright?”

Twilight said nothing. She just hugged him close, ignoring the damp rag in his claws. After a moment of confusion, he hugged her back. “Are you alright, Twilight?” he asked.

“I’m fine, Spike. And I’m sorry. I’m not Twilight, but I’d like to help. Is that okay?”

“I’m sorry. You’re my fault. I was upset.”

“It’s okay. I have friends, and I have you and the Princess. It may not be something I chose, but I can live with it. I have to live with it. Ponies are depending on me. I need to be up to the challenge.”

“I’ll help. I can do that much, at least.”

“Thank you, Spike. She’s gone, but she’s not lost, right? We both remember her and what she left us.”

“Yeah…” Spike started shaking in her hooves. Twilight held him tight until her own body started quaking. They cried, but they cried together. They had each other, and that was enough for now.

The End.