Cozy Glow Drives Tirek Nuts

by StormLuna

Rating: everyone
Tags: Cozy Glow, Random, Tirek, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1938

Cozy Glow has been locked away in Tartarus as punishment for her crimes. There she meets her pen pal and new neighbor, Lord Tirek. She then proceeds to drive him completely nuts.

Cozy Glow has been locked away in Tartarus as punishment for her crimes. There she meets her pen pal and new neighbor, Lord Tirek. She then proceeds to drive him completely nuts.

Published 2018-10-14 21:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-10-14 21:50:01 UTC

Tirek's Obnoxious Neighbor

Princess Luna and some guards had taken Cozy Glow to Tartarus in a rusty metal cage and have placed her next to a villain that they are certain that will scare her into being obedient, Lord Tirek. Once they left, Cozy Glow looked up at her new neighbor and asked, "Hey neighbor, wanna be friends?"

The random question caused the centaur to look at his new neighbor and fellow captive in curiosity, "Friends? I don't do friendship."

After seeing him, Cozy Glow knew exactly who he was. She had studied about him in Twilight's school and was surprised that he didn't recognize her given that they had been writing one another for months, "Come on Mr. Tirek, we've been writing for months! You don't know me? I'm your pen pal!"

Tirek looked further in curiosity, "Cozy Glow? You're Cozy Glow?" he asked in shock.

"Absolutely Mr. Tirek! I'm Cozy Glow, I'm your buddy, I'm your pen pal!" she stated in a jubilant voice. She saw a stunned look on his face and continued, "Come on ol' buddy, ol' pal, I thought you'd be happier to see me!"

Tirek could hardly believe his eyes. Cozy Glow had been in contact with him for quite some time, asking him about how to steal magic from Equestria. He thought for sure that the individual he had been communicating with would be older and the fact that this individual was a pony shocked him even further.

This surprised him so much that he gasped in shock, "It can't be. You're just a filly! You're no villain, you're just a filly!"

Cozy was shocked by the comment, "Just a filly, just a filly? Come on Mr. Tirek, I stole artifacts and used the Tree of Harmony to steal magic from all of Equestria! I started stealing magic, just like you!"

Tirek was enjoying the patronizing attitude of the filly, something no one had done to him in ages but he couldn't help but wonder why. Why was this filly wanting to be like him so much, why did this filly think so highly of him. "Cozy, if I may ask, why is it you think so highly of me?"

"Come on Mr. Tirek!" Cozy laughed, "You're not a softy like all the ponies in Equestria! You got loose, you stole so much magic, you're a legend I learned about in Twilight's friendship school."

Never in his life did Tirek imagine that a pony, a pony whose magic he could easily steal if he weren't in Tartarus would think so highly of him, almost to the point where she was worshiping him. He then heard the name she brought up and asked, "Twilight, you mean as in Princess Twilight Sparkle?"

Cozy beamed, "Yes-sir-ee, the Princess of Friendship." She became more jubilant as she continued, "You know Mr. Tirek, I was able to get her to eat right out of my hooves! She never once suspected I was up to anything!"

Tirek leaned his head forward and asked, "How so?"

Cozy Glow continued, "You see Mr. Tirek, I played the cute filly card after I got some local fillies in trouble!" She began to jump around, "And she thought I was this sweet little thing after I apologized! She never suspected a thing and even better, she never knew we were pen pals!"

Tirek couldn't help but chuckle a bit over how the filly had so easily fooled Twilight. To him, this was a sign that Cozy Glow wasn't weak like all the other ponies and the fact that she was able to so easily fool his foe did impress him a bit, "Ah yes, the foolishness of friendship will blind even the so-called intelligent ones."

Cozy only got more hyper, "I know, right? You see, there is this idiot mail pony that delivers the mail and she obviously wasn't bright enough to see that I addressed things to you Mr. Tirek!" She then began to giggle, "Oh that stupid Derpy and her crossed eyes! No wonder she couldn't read where it was going!"

While Tirek was enjoying the filly's respect, he was beginning to find her hyper and overly jovial nature a bit annoying. He sighed, "That is nice Cozy Glow but....."

"But what Mr. Tirek?" Cozy snickered, "And she wasn't the only dumb one I had to put up with! The professors I had to put up with were just oblivious to me as the head mare and the dumb mail pony!" She again began to jump up and down, "And this one professor always brought her dumb animals in and tried to teach us all about kindness like it was actually going to help us in life! Can you believe it?"

By this point, Tirek was becoming a bit more than mildly annoyed with the filly. He groaned, "Cozy......"

Cozy interrupted, "And then there was this idiot unicorn who thought teaching us about fashion and generosity would actually help us learn about friendship. She thought teaching us all how to sew was going to help us in real life. You know as well as I do Mr. Tirek that such things aren't going to help anyone!"

By this point Tirek was more than mildly annoyed, the filly's positive attitude had caused him to begin slamming his fists against the bars of his cage. Tirek raised his voice, "Cozy Glow, I don't care! Would you shut up? I don't care!"

Cozy gasped, "Why would you want me to shut up Mr. Tirek?" She then became more hyper again, "But don't you want to hear about the dumb pink pony with the balloons on her butt, the one that thought teaching us all about parties would teach us to laugh? But that isn't going to work! No-sir-ee, that isn't going to work. What they fail to realize is that friendship is power, not mag....."

"Cozy Glow!" Tirek yelled. Tirek had begun to bang his head on the cage bars he was getting so irritated by her. In a yell he continued, "Stop, just stop! I don't care about your......"

Cozy noticed this and suggested, "Mr. Tirek, don't bang your head like that! You could give yourself a concussion!" After her brief showing of concern about him, she continued, "You know you want to hear more!" She took a deep breath and continued, "And then there was this dumb farm pony who thought honesty was the way to go! But no, honesty isn't going to earn you friends and neither will loyalty like some dumb blue pegasus thought as well!"

"COZY GLOW!" Tirek yelled as he had covered his ears, sick and tired of hearing her rambling on and on.

Cozy just wouldn't quiet down, "And then there was the guidance counselor who used to steal cutie marks! Now if she still did that I could respect her but now she is just a lame lackey of Twilight's, nothing but a foolish pony I trapped in a magic ball! She's just as dumb as the rest of them!"

Tirek reached out, patted Cerberus and complained, "Make it stop, make it stop! She's driving me up the wall!"

Cerberus simply gave him and Cozy a smile which prompted Cozy to continue, "Oh why thank you you cute doggy, thank you for your approval!" She then looked towards Tirek and her mood changed entirely, "And then there were those stupid creatures that foiled my plan."

Tirek had finally had enough, "Ugh, would you just shut up!"

Cozy was in no mood to stop at this point, "Ugh, those stupid creatures. That dumb yak who can't even speak properly, that idiot griffon who's scared of tight spaces, that worthless dragon who can't be cute, that useless, overly hyper hippogriff....."

Tirek cleared his throat, "Overly hyper like you?"

Despite his comment, Cozy continued on her rant, "And that idiot changeling, so weak and that stupid traitor pony, befriending lesser creatures, creatures that the stupid head mare let......."

Tirek finally couldn't take anymore, "Make it stop, make it stop." He raised his voice to a yell, "Ugh, I'd rather be enslaved in Tambelon than have to put up with this! I'd rather be Grogar's slave than have to put up with one more second of this!" He reached out towards Cerberus and begged, "Please, put her somewhere else, put her somewhere else." He pointed towards his left and demanded, "Put her over by Grogar, get her away from me!"

His order brought out nothing but a growl from Cerberus and a laugh from the other side of Tartarus, "Tough luck Tirek, you're stuck with that one!"

Cozy couldn't help but giggle, "Yeah Mr. Tirek, you're stuck with me! Besides why would I want to talk to that goat when I can talk with my pen pal?"

Tirek threw his hands up in the air and begged, "Please Cerberus, let her escape! Please let her escape."

All he got out of Cerberus were three frowns and a growl. Being locked away in Tartarus for what would likely be all eternity was bad enough but putting up with the cheerful filly was even worse for him. He turned his back to the filly, hoping that would shut her up. Once he had turned around he mumbled, "I've got to find a way to escape, she's going to drive me mad!"

Cozy saw this and heard him, "What, you want to escape Mr. Tirek? Well, leave it to your buddy Cozy Glow!" She then turned towards Cerberus, batted her eyes at him and begged, "Please you cute doggy, would you let me and my pal out? We promise we'll be good!"

Like he did with Tirek, he let out a growl. Tirek saw this and sighed, "Look Cozy, unless he was to abandon his post, we're stuck here. No amount of cute foalish charm is going to sway him."

Cozy couldn't help but laugh, "You know Mr. Tirek, the bars on these cells are pretty far apart, I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner, I'll just squeeze my way out." She then saw a rock with a jagged edge outside her cage and continued, "and use that rock to pick your lock, free you and any other creature I want!"

Cerberus looked at the filly with suspicion and this gave Tirek an idea, an idea on how to free himself from his obnoxious pen pal. He replied, "Go for it Cozy, go for it."

Cozy began to squeeze her way out when Cerberus jumped right in front of her, growled and barked loudly. Cozy was terrified when she saw all three mouths of Cerberus open, open like he was going to have a tasty meal. She squirmed her way back in, screamed and raced to the back of her cage. She yelled, "Mr. Tirek, why would you suggest that? Why would you suggest something that would cause your buddy Cozy Glow to be eaten?"

Tirek couldn't help but snicker, "You're so naive my little pal. If you want to be a true villain, the first thing you realize is that you shouldn't take anyone's advice!"

It was at that moment that things became much clearer to Cozy Glow. She realized that regardless of who it was, even her pen pal, that they did not care one bit that something truly terrible could have happened to her. After that, much to Tirek's relief, the cheerful filly had finally gone quiet. All that remained after that was the deafening silence of Tartarus, only interrupted by the occasional grunt from Cerberus when various creatures would stir in their cages.