Twilight the Pimp

by CrimsonEquine

Rating: mature
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Big Macintosh, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Romance, Soarin, Comedy, Rarity, Sex
Length: 4195

Twilight is a Pimp

Twilight Sparkle is offered a job as a Pimp while walking down the street, at first she disapproves, but then she feels the Pimp inside. Twilight the Pimp bada bum bum bada. Twilight Sparkle smacking hoes and making woes. Twilight the Pimp bada bum bum bada. Twilight Sparkle Pimpiest Pimp of all Pimpdome. Twilight the Pimp bada bum bum bada doo doo da!
This story is not supposed to be taken seriously!

got the image at this link
http://www.funnyjunk.com/user/coolcman/comments/12/

Published 2012-08-30 12:54:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-03 19:17:30 UTC

Drop it like its hot

Twilight Sparkle abruptly awoke to a smashing sound coming from the downstairs living room where all the books were at.

"Spike, what the hell is going on down there!?"

"Nothing Twilight, just a couple of books fell"

Twilight ran down to the living area and saw the entire place covered in books.

"Whad’ you do nigga!?" said Sparkle in anger.

"What did you just say Twilight? You sound like a gangsta!" said Spike in confusion.

Twilight then stood for a moment and realized her vocabulary was in the wrong taste.

"Oh I'm sorry Spike. I just had this weird dream that I was a Pimp, and I was smacking some manly hoes if you get my drift"

"Anyways, I am gonna fix this problem right now." said Twilight

She magically took all the books and put them back in alphabetical order on the shelves. Although the magic almost

exhausted her, she still had enough strength to continue her daily routine.

"Spike I’ll be back at six. Imma be runnin some errerands if you catch my drift nigga" said Twilight unbeknownst to herself.

Twilight left through the door with her saddlebag.

"What’s a Pimp?" asked Spike as he returned to his duties.

"Man that Spike keep goin all over my grill up in here seriuslee. Imma be sleepin, and this nigga be fallin all my books on the greound" thought Twilight as she walked to her destination.

"I mean this Purple ass nigga can't even hold up some books without doin some mayhem mmm mmm mmm."

She continued to her destination when suddenly someone crashed into her. As Twilight looked up from the floor, she noticed a young, attractive stallion standing over her.

"So sorry, I have to run!" said the stallion as he sped away.

Then another pony came from the same direction who looked Pimped out.

"Bitch give me my money or I'll throttle ya!" The Mare Pimp screamed as she slowed down towards Twilight Sparkle.

"Are you alright, missy? I'm sorry my property just escaped and took my money" said the Pimp Pony.

"Property, what are you talking about?" asked Twilight in confusion.

"Well you see, I'm a Pimp, and bitches pay me for organizing shit for them sexin." said the Pimp Pony.

Twilight stood from the ground with the help of the Pimp.

"Thanks, I feel better now that I have my hoofs on the ground."

"No worries. Hey, if you need work, here is my card." said the Pimp Pony.

Then the Pimp Pony, after hoofing the card over to Twilight, continued her pursuit for her bitch and her money.

Twilight knew that this occurrence was not a coincidence.

"The dream? The Pimp? All of this can't be by chance" thought Twilight.

She put the card in the saddlebag and went on her way to Rarity's Carousel Boutique.

She arrived on the doorstep and knocked the door twice.

"Yes darling, I'm coming," said Rarity in reply to the knock

"Sup women, how-sit?" asked Twilight as Rarity opened the door

"Twilight Sparkle, darling,what are you doing saying such ghetto words?" asked Rarity.

Twilight then stood motionless again as she finally saw what she was doing.

"My Celestia, Rarity I don't know what’s happening; I keep saying slang, and it feels normal!"

"Come in, come in darling. Tell me everything that has been going on!"

So Twilight recounted the dream and the rest of the day to Rarity.

"My goodness Twilight, I do not believe my very own ears!"

"It’s true! First the dream, then the Pimp I met, and finally the language! I don't know what to do!"

"I know, I'll just get some herbal tea, and we’ll find a way darling soon enough."

Rarity went to the kitchen, leaving Twilight to look around the boutique. There were many clothes and cloth and needles, but

Twilight noticed a purple dress that had a matching cane and a wide-brimmed hat; Twilight was enthralled by this dress..

"Maybe trying it on real quick won't hurt."

She put on the clothes and felt right at home.

"Ooh looking good nigga, you straight up gangsta!" Twilight said to herself as she looked in the mirror.

Crash! the plate Rarity had been holding suddenly fell to the floor.

Twilight turned around instantly and saw Rarity freaking out.

"What’s wrong my bottom bitch? Don't you like my Swag?" asked Twilight

Rarity urinated all over the carpet, making a weird tea and urine smell that would have made her vomit.

"Get out you ruffian! You are not Twilight, impostor!" screamed Rarity in fear.

"Yo but it’s me Rawr-it-ty, Twilight Sparkle. I'm just trying out..."

"Get out!" said Rarity in fear.

Twilight ran out of the Boutique with the dress on and ran home crying .

As she got home to the tree, she ran to her bed and sulked all night, ignoring Spike’s presence and crying to sleep without the dress on.

The next day Twilight woke up to the smell of breakfast in bed as Spike came in with waffles and syrup.

"Hey Twilight, you okay?" queried Spike.

"Ya I'm fine. I'm just losing my mind is all." replied Twilight Sparkle.

"Don't be mad, maybe you just need to find out why this is happening to you."

"You’re right, Spike, and I have a lead and an address from lets see... Sour Cush the Pimp."

Twilight then put on the pimp costume and valiantly said, "I'm going to get to the bottom of this!"

Twilight then left for the address and told Spike she will be back by seven.

"Man I'm surrounded by insane ponies, but at least they are sexy." said Spike.

Spike laughed at his joke and continued his chores.

Twilight arrived at the place; it was an old motel were many stallions were all over. She could see a mare paying one of the stallions before they entered the motel. With curiosity, Twilight Sparkle walked over to see what they were doing, and to her dismay, it wasn't pretty.

Twilight ran away from the mirror and went inside the motel to find the seamstress who was also another stallion.

"You here to see Sour Cush Missy?" asked the stallion.

"Why yes, where is that mare?" replied Twilight.

"Right this way." beckoned the stallion.

Twilight followed the stallion to a room where Sour Cush was; it was large, and it had a huge, purple bed in the center.

"Bitch were is my money? Tell me before I slap you silly!" screamed Sour Cush.

"I-I lost it and spent it on drugs, I'm sorry!" said the stallion that was being screamed at.

"Take him to the hole" said Sour Cush.

"Noo anything but that bucking hole!"

Then several ponies came in and dragged him away as he kicked and screamed.

Soon Sour Cush the Pimp saw Twilight and became ecstatic.

"You came, I'm glad, and you’re in proper Pimp attire; that's all well and done."

"Thanks sista I feel so right in this joint. Hey have you ever seen me before? Everything is so familiar..."

"Hmm never seen you in my life other than yesterday, so lets see if we can get your pimping hoof to work"

End of Chapter 1

edited by meenster

P.I.M.P.

Twilight Sparkle followed Sour Cush the Pimp through a hallway until they both reached a room were a certain Stallion was strapped and chained on the wall. To Twilight's astonishment it was the same Stallion that had knocked into her the other day!

"Alright here's the bitch who stole my money and tried to run away, teach'em a lesson so I can see your pimpin potential" said Sour Cush as she held the Stallion's head up.

"I can't do that he's just a Stallion!" replied Twilight

"Look all I'm asking is for you to punish this disrespectful Stallion, and all you have to do is slap a bitch is that so hard?" said Sourcush with a side of snide

"No I won't do it" Twilight said with ferocity.

"Do you have any Idea how much money this bitch stole!?" said Sour Cush

"Um.. how much?" Twilight said nervously

"About eight thousand bits" said Sour Cush

When Twilight heard the amount that was lost she felt an adverse feeling of hate inside herself that she could not describe or understand and her right hoof started to shake as she got closer to the Stallion. Sour Cush smiled a cruel smirk as she let go of his head and got out of the way. Twilight looked straight inside the Stallions eyes and saw... a bitch.

Twilight smashed her hoof on the Stallion and hit him so hard that she broke the metal restraints on him and sent him flying towards the wall.

"How dare you buckin steal so much bits bitch you gonna feel the back hoof!" Twilight screamed as she continued to slap the hell out of the Stallion with her hoof.

Sour Cush just stood and watched as Twilight continued to smack the stallion repeatedly, but then she noticed that Twilight would not stop and the Stallion was getting hurt very badly.

"Twilight that's enough!" yelled Sour Cush

Twilight raised a hoof to smack him again but instead she slowly realized her action and lowered her weapon and took a few steps back away at the now damaged Stallion.

"What... what happened?" said Twilight in confusion

"You went berserk and completely destroyed his face.... Thats My Homie right here!" said Sour Cush as she went to hoof bump Twilight. Twilight then smiled and hoof bump her back.

"So what do we do about him he's... knocked out" said Twilight

"Just throw him in the dumpster along with all the other trash" said Sour Cush with disinterest.

"GUARDS! escort this Stallion off the premises!" Screamed Sour Cush

In came the ponies to the room and they dragged the now bucked up Stallion off the premises. Then he was thrown out to the street.

"I got you nigga you gonna be the best pimp I dun ever seen, you'll be as legendary as Miss Spritz by the time im dun with you" said Sour Cush as she held Twilight, motioning the sky with her hoofs.

"Miss Spritz who is that?" asked Twilight in curiosity.

"Oh Miss Spritz she was a fine, fine Mare with hordes of Stallions under her control, she even had whores from Ponyville to Manehattan you wouldn't believe the power she had over mares privates!"

"Did something happen to her?"

"She did the one thing that a pimp Mare should never do, she Married one of her bitches!, and the last I heard of her she moved and had a family with this Stallion! Unbelievable!"

"So what happened with all of her property?" said Twilight with continuing interest.

"She gave them all away to Zebrazang the top Pimp now in all of Equestria"

"But enough of that, I have a new assignment for you Twilight the Pimp, you're going to meet with a mare who's paying to taste the fine wine of our men distillery, she'll be at this address. Bring the Stallion she ordered and some guards you never know if she works for a rival pimp"

"I will do my best!" said Twilight the now Pimp.

"Good, good, now get outside and in to the Porsche"

Twilight went to the Porsche bringing along some tall Stallions to protect her merchandise, she looked at the address and to her surprise it was the address to the younging school were all the kids went.

"This, this can't be right, who in the school would want a Stallion for pleasure!?"

She drove at night to the school and went inside with her Stallion's and was greeted by Miss Cheerilee at the door.

"Twilight what uh! what are you doing here and why are you wearing that cloth?" said Cheerilee in surprise

"Cheerilee? your the one who ordered for top Stallion?" Said Twilight the Pimp

"Um, yes Twilight, I did not know you were a pimp... but please Twilight I need a Stallion for me, a nice Striped one..." said Cheerilee in shame

"But now you know my secret, Please do not tell a soul for that would bring me such embarrassment..."

"It's alright we all have needs and I promise not to tell anybody" said Twilight while caressing Cheerilee

"Thank you Twilight, I'm glad that I have a friend like you around" Cheerilee said while looking into her eyes

"Well enough of this, do you have the money, honey?" said Twilight the Pimp

"yes here is the bits I promised now where is my big stripey man! said Cheerilee in excitement

Twilight looked at the bag and checked if the money was exact, in less than a second she counted 8,000 bits for prime tang.

"Alright, here he comes!" said Twilight the Pimp as she took the bag of money an got out of the doors way.

In the Stallion Zebra came, he was big and muscly like Big Macintosh, and had an awesome face, he was so hot that he could do the old spice commercial for the black guy

"Hi there, big guy! wanna come aboard my zeta platform?" said Cheerilee sexily

The Stallion smiled with an excited smile and said "You watch Star Pony Trek? I love Star Pony Trek!"

"Um why yes... I watched every episode even the deleted scenes" said Cheerilee as she got off the table.

"Wowee! I am a big fan of that show! beam me up Scotpony!" he said while putting on some glasses.

"I thought I was the only one who enjoyed Star Pony Trek! wanna watch all the episode's with me?" said Cheerilee with new excitement.

"Hells yes pop it in! lets get a T.V. and a D.V.D. player in here!" said the Zebra Stallion.

And so, Cheerilee and the Stallion got all the equipment from the back door and started to watch some Star Pony Trek,
and it was going to be an all nighter.

Twilight was just standing on the side of the classroom a bit confused at what transpired but then she left through the front door and as she closed it she said "nerds" as the door closed.

Twilight went back to the Porsche with her five guards. She drove back to the large Motel and went to Sour Cush's room to conversate with her dealer and also deliver the goods.

"I brang the money" said Twilight handing over the bag to Sour Cush.

Sour Cush inspected the bag and its contents while on her Pimp throne being fanned by many Stallions right to a large pool and paintings of Pimps from the past.

"Yep thats the total, way to go girl! this calls for a celebration, pick any Stallion here! he's yours and that Porsche is yours aswell!"

"um as for the Stallions I'm good, but you really are giving me a Porsche... Swagger!" said Twilight in excitement.

"Oh there's more where that came from and remember I got you girl, just bring in the money and we best B.F.F.s for life! Now begone with you! Its late your family must be worried about you" said Sour Cush as she motioned the door just opened by one of her bitches.

"Oh my Celestia Spike!" she said realizing that she hasn't returned to the time she gave him.

"I won't let you down Sour Cush, I'll be the best Pimp ever!" said Twilight as she left the Motel.

Twilight got in her new Porsche and drove all the way to the tree saying "oh my gosh!" repeatedly all the way.

She opened the door to the tree and saw it was very dark, she looked for a switch but then miraculously the light was shown and Spike was sitting in a chair staring at Twilight.

"Where have you been?" said Spike with anger.

"Uh Spike I'm so sorry I was just hanging with my homies gettin work done" Twilight said with honesty

"There it is again! Twilight this isn't you, you're acting weird and your accent is changing. What has gotten into you?, What about your studies have you been paying attention to that!?"

Twilight then realized she missed her schedule for math, language, and even more stuff she forgot to study.

"Eh, one day won't hurt" said Twilight Sparkle with disinterest.

"Besides I have a new Porsche! wanna ride in it Spike?" said Twilight in excitement.

"No I'm gonna have to tell Celestia of what you been doing..." said Spike with a threatening stare.

"No, don't do that! Anything but that! please Spike this is just for one more day okay? I'll get back to studying in no time!" said Twilight in fear.

"Hmm just to be safe" Spike then took a letter and was about to burn it but before he could Twilight reacted and smashed her hoof into his face causing Spike to fly towards the bookcase and get hit in the head. Spike was thus knocked out.

"Oh god, Spike are you all right!?" said Twilight in fear.

No answer

"Ahh what have I done! what do I do what do I do!" said Twilight as she freaked out.

Twilight then started circling the room and freaking out, going crazy and saying to herself "what do I do!" over and over until she finally calmed down and had an idea.

"Whatever a snitch nigga is that shit I dont like" said Twilight as she stopped going insane.

Twilight took the body and dug a hole outside the tree and buried Spike under the dirt. She then made her last words to Spike.

"I'm sorry Spike I never wanted to hurt you, I always cared about you and I'm just so sorry..." Twilight then went back to the tree, undressed herself and threw the clothes over the closet and cried to sleep that night.

Later that night on Spikes grave a fist of rage broke through the mound of dirt.

end of chapter 2

Cheerilee's Sexcapade

Cheerilee's Sexcapade

Cheerilee and the Zebra Stallion were watching Star Pony Trek all night, well almost all night...

"Well that was an interesting episode don't you think?" said Cheerilee as she put the D.V.D. player and the T.V. back to the closet.

"Yea! that one were Sooloo pony had to rip off the alien Gramgordian from their privates was pretty crazy!" said Zebra Stallion as he sat like a giddy child who just watched his favorite show.

"Huh so um... what do we do now?" said the Zebra Stallion confused at what they might do at this point.

"Oh I have an idea..." said Cheerilee as she got closer to the Zebra Stallion with her tail caressing his muscled body.

"I'm liking this idea" said the Zebra Stallion now realizing what was going on.

Zebra Stallion then grabbed Cheerilee and smacked her ass as she bent over a students chair doggy style. He saw her vagina and peered deeply into its hole and started to lick it. Cheerilee moaned like a newborn whale that was freshly birthed out of it's mother. The sound of her moaning got the Zebra Stallion really Really hard. He inserted his manhood right into the hole of education. Now the moaning grew exponentially as he started to "teach" Cheerilee a "lesson".

"Keep going I need to be tutored" said Cheerilee as she felt the meat slap her insides.

"Your a quick learner Cheerilee I'm going to have to give you... Extra Credit!" he said as he climaxed into her so powerfully that the seamen just exploded all over Cheerilee's hole, then it covered her body and then the floor.

With the sticky nectar inhabiting all over Cheerilee, she started to get so wet that waterfalls of moisture came out of her vagina. The Zebra Stallion bathed in her vagina waterfall, witch was a mix of seamen and vagina water and it came all over his face. After the waterfall The Zebra Stallion and Cheerilee started to make-out profusely while they both had seamen covered all over themselves. Then the seamen slips them both to the ground from the chair and they continued to make out even more.

"I Bucking love you!, wanna get married?" said Cheerilee while she stood on top of the Stallion, breathing heavily as droplets of liquid dropped from her body.

"I do" said the Stallion.

Then they made out as if their face's were connected like Siamese Twins.

"Mrs. Cheerilee? whats going on?" said Scootaloo as she opened the door to the school.

They both screamed and immediately got up from the floor.

"What is all that stuff that is covering my chair Mrs. Cheerilee?" said Scootaloo as she continued to walk towards them to get a better view under all that darkness.

At first the two crazy buck birds didn't say anything, but as soon as Scootaloo got close enough Cheerilee then instantly explained

"Scootaloo I was working around the clock to get ready for the next lesson that we would be having and then I needed help with um... glue yah glue right um what's your name?"

The Zebra Stallion said "My name is Zack, Zack the Zebra" as they both came towards Scootaloo.

"Then a malfunction happened and... Glue got all over you'r chair, so... we need time to clean it up and we will get back to you in forty to fifty minutes o.k.?"

"Oh okay that makes sense hey um maybe I could help I love to eat glue!" Said Scootaloo as she was about to eat some off the floor.

"No!" they both screamed. Bewildered by their expressions Scootaloo stood up and said "but why? this is just glue right?"

"Um ya... but we don't want you to get dirty like us!" said the Stallion as he pushed away Scootaloo from the "glue".

"So just wait outside and we will get this mess cleaned up okay?" said Cheerilee as she closed the door on Scootaloo's face.

"Oh my Celestia get out of here!" said Cheerilee to the Zebra Stallion. But before he jumped out of the window Cheerilee said "Wait one last kiss and also help me with this mess!"

"Of course my love" said Zack as he grabbed some paper towels and some Cleenix from the bathroom supply.

The two then furiously cleaned the desk as fast as possible and then started to clean themselves with cleaning products found in the bathroom. They threw the remains of their sex fetish into the trash and had one sloppy make-out session until Scootaloo and the other student's started knocking on the door.

"Mrs. Cheerilee it has been fifty minutes!" said Scootaloo out loud.

Zack the Zebra exited through the window.

"Coming!" said Cheerilee as she opened the door without any sticky stuff on her.

"Alright, Class is in session" said Cheerilee as the students walked in towards their assigned seats.

"Today we are going to use glue to make stick houses! grab a stick from the crafts desk and try the best you can!" said Cheerilee as she wrote down the objective for today on the board.

Scootaloo raised her hoof, "Yes Scootaloo?" said Cheerilee in return to Scootaloo's question. "What happened to the Zebra who was here?" The classmates started to conversate amongst each other about the Zebra as they died down then
Cheerilee spoke. "Oh he left and he will return to help out because... he's my assistant!"

"Enough about him we shall get started on our houses okay?" said Cheerilee before anyone raised a hoof to ask more questions. "If you guy's need me I'll be in the back resting..." and so Cheerilee went to the closet and went to sleep.

The class then started to build their houses from the glue, but there was not enough glue for everybody and everyone could'nt finish their houses. Then Scootaloo had an idea.

"Hey guys Mrs. Cheerilee was using the glue last night for today's experiment so let's get the rest from the trash!" everybody heard Scootaloo and followed her to the trash were they scooped a piece of toilet paper and used it to finish their houses and Scootaloo finally had some of the glue she wanted to eat.

"Taste's salty" said Scootaloo as she licked the paper.

Then the bell rang for recess and everyone left the school to play outside.

"Hey Scootaloo, great idea to get the trash glue, instead of waking poor Mrs. Cheerilee..." said Sweetie Belle
as she threw the ball she picked up to Scootaloo

"I know right and that new Zebra is goin to help out soon too! Now we can get evern more halp with our studies!"
said Applebloom as she caught the ball from Scootaloo.

"Ya.. there was just one weird thing though, were did that Stallion come from?" she said as she threw the ball in midair.

Then as energy swarmed around the ball the Cutie Mark Crusader's started to watch in aw as the ball popped and out teleported Twilight Sparkle! but she wasn't quite sane.

"Hello Girlsssss!" said the Crazy Pimp

"Not again!" said the Cutie Mark Crusader's in unison.

end of chapter 3