On a Wing and Prayerchute

by Nugar

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Slice of Life, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 9897

A new filly in town gets the CMC to thinking outside the box for their cutie marks.

When a unicorn from Cloudsdale comes to Ponyville to beg Twilight to teach her the flutterwing spell, the CMC gets a lesson on Cutie Marks that's not exactly the usual. Why settle for merely doing what you're good at? Some ponies just want to defy convention, even if it results in them living in an unsuitable environment.

Note, this project is abandoned/on long term hold. I'm just posting it because it's still got some cute scenes I liked. I had another idea I liked better, so this one falls by the wayside.

Published 2012-08-03 15:24:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-03 15:24:01 UTC

Chapter one.

Dear Princess Celestia,

First, let me preface this by saying that this isn’t my usual friendship report. Actually, this is an entirely different report of the events of the past several weeks, most of which I was not actually present for and had to be pieced together through interviews with the ponies that were there. While friendship does play a large role in the events described herein, it is not the focus of my report. At first I thought that it was all about cutie marks, since they are a subject of interest to many of the ponies involved, but at some length it occurred to me that what everything was really about was finding your place in the world. However, to be honest, Princess, I’m not entirely certain what I should learn from these events, and after much thought and discussion with my friends I have decided to submit these accounts to you. Perhaps, with your help, I can gain the insight I am regretfully lacking on my own.

Your earnest student,

Twilight Sparkle

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On a Wing and a Prayerchute.

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Fluttershy cheerfully trotted up, shaking her wings out and preening the feathers, then folded her wings neatly. Choosing a favorite, comfortable log right at the edge of the pond, she sat down, flicking her tail so it didn’t get wet and letting her hooves rest just in the very edge of the water along the pebbly bank.

Today was truly a beautiful day, with the sun rising high but not yet hot, a faint breeze blowing the scents of early summer flowers and bright green leaves just reaching their fullness. The pegasus ponies were keeping a sparse stream of artfully arranged clouds sailing across the sky to the east, and occasionally one would have been bucked into a shape. Fluttershy smiled at the sky. Someone up there liked bunnies, for there were at least four bunny shaped clouds passing by, muting the bright blue of the sky. Fluttershy liked bunnies, too.

After a moment to compose herself, Fluttershy began to hum, a wordless, gentle song of contentment and peace. She’d never stopped to make up words for her song, since it changed every time. Words weren’t needed. She knew what she wanted to say.

So Fluttershy sang of her love for the world. She hummed a hymn to the birds, so graceful and free, an aria to the mammals, so cute and fuzzy, and a lullaby to the lizards, drowsy in the sunlight. As she sang, a pair of wrens flew down and hopped back and forth in their little wren dance, watching her with heads cocked sideways. A fox ran by and sat down; grinning in the fox humor they always know but never share. A bluebird landed on a generously provided foreleg and trilled with her for a moment, but it soon quieted. No mere bird could match the harmony Fluttershy expressed.

Her song continued, deepening and spreading. A mother rabbit and her young sat down beside the fox, utterly unafraid. Hummingbirds flittered around, flying wild patterns in the sky at the sheer joy of being around the yellow pegasus pony. Soon, even fish were drawn to Fluttershy’s magnetic presence, schooling in the shallows near her hooves, occasionally sticking their noses out of the water, helplessly drawn by the song.

Soon, a mother mink and her three babies, each stumbling and unsure away from their snug little burrow, came trundling up in the bouncy, joyous way of the weasels. A pair of otters came splashing along through the shallows as well, the mother occasionally stopping and grabbing one of her babies by the scruff of its neck to drag it for a ways, making sure they all kept up as they hurried to bear witness to Fluttershy’s song.

Fluttershy smiled gently, stroking the mother otter’s hunched back and picking up one of the babies to nuzzle it lovingly. It licked the side of her cheek with a dainty pink tongue, tickling her ever so gently and eliciting a giggle in the middle of her hymn. Instead of disrupting the harmony it only added to it, and the animals seemed to sigh and smile at her, each quite in love with their gentle, considerate caretaker.

Then Fluttershy quite calmly, never letting her song falter, used her hooves to scoop the entranced fish, one by one, out of the water and deposit them neatly in front of the mink and otter families, who immediately seized their meals to make sure they didn’t flop back in the water. Even the fox got one, a reward for being so considerate to the baby bunnies beside it.

Fluttershy had to work quickly. She’d been busy the day before and hadn’t had a chance to make sure that the fish eating families got all they needed. Mothers making milk, plus the young that were just trying out solid foods, required more than average to make sure they stayed healthy. They all fished for themselves of course, but Fluttershy was there just to make sure that no baby otter ever went to sleep with a rumbly tummy. It was her job, after all. Her place in nature.

Unfortunately, just as the fish were the hardest to draw in with her song, they were the first to get startled and flee. Just as she made a grab for a particularly chubby trout with one well practiced hoof, the fish panicked at her shadow. With a flick of its muscular tail, the fish was gone, and the others soon followed.

Fluttershy wasn’t done! One of the little otters put its tiny, soft paw, still damp with water, on her sitting flank and meeped up at her with huge, mournful eyes. It was still hungry. Couldn’t the pretty pony lady do something to fill its tummy?

“Oooh… shoot!” Fluttershy said in a very tiny voice, blushing at her own foul language.

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“Oh, there’s Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash said to her companion as they both walked along through the forest. Dash, though normally prone to running around even on the ground, kept to a sedate pace out of consideration for her friend.

“Oh… what in the world is she doing? And what’s with all the animals watching?”

Fluttershy was hovering over the pond, looking quite exasperated. Occasionally she would make little aborted dives, but always pull back before she actually broke the surface of the water.

“Looks like she’s fishing,” Dash said with a shrug as they reached the shore of the small pond, directly behind the intently hovering pegasus.

“Fishing?”

“Yeah, us pegasus ponies do it sometimes to practice low altitude stunts. It’s pretty hard. Fluttershy takes care of the forest animals and some of them eat fish, but she usually sings them up.” Dash turned and called to Fluttershy. “Hey, Fluttershy! You’ve got to watch your shadow or you’ll scare the fish!”

“Eeep!” Fluttershy said, startled, and fell out of the air with a tremendous splash. The resulting wave of water drenched Rainbow Dash, her friend, and the waiting animals, leaving several fish flopping helplessly on shore. Fortunately, all the animals still hanging around were swimmers waiting on more fish, who hardly minded getting wet. Indeed, the mink youngsters were terribly excited about it and immediately began little weasel war dances. The otters were more keen on catching the flopping fish and finishing their meal.

“Pahhahhah!” Dash said, shaking her sodden rainbow mane out. “Nice one, Fluttershy! You really got some fish with that move!”

Fluttershy gasped as she broke the surface of the water and shook her head, tossing her mane back and forth. It came to a rest, drooped over one eye as she suddenly stopped and stared at Rainbow Dash and her friend, all watery concerns temporarily forgotten.

“Double rainbow all the way…” she said in a surprised tone.

Rainbow Dash grinned. “Hey, Fluttershy! Did you ever meet Starbreaker when you were in Cloudsdale?”

Standing beside Rainbow Dash was a steel grey unicorn pony a little taller than Dash herself, and more heavily built, almost as muscular as a stallion. However, the most striking thing about the unicorn mare was her mane, which was a flowing, well, dripping, mass of rainbow striped hair just like Dash’s. Rainbow manes weren’t unheard of, given the magical ancestry and close relationship with the sky of pegasus ponies, but it wasn’t common, either. The steel colored pony had a cutie mark of a comet smashing through a large, five pointed star.

Fluttershy swam over to the shore and climbed out, fluffing her wings to shake water out of the feathers. “I don’t think so,” she said dubiously, lifting her hair out of her face with one foreleg. “And I’m terribly sorry for getting you all wet....”

“It’s hardly your fault, right Dash?” Starbreaker said, chiding the grinning pegasus. When that didn’t work, she poked her with one hoof.

“Oh, yeah, sorry Fluttershy. But hey, you caught the fish! Anyway, Starbreaker, this is Fluttershy, one of my best friends. Fluttershy, this is Starbreaker. She’s in charge of mixing up rainbows in Cloudsdale.”

“Nice to meet you, Fluttershy,” Starbreaker said cheerfully.

“A pleasure to meet you-Oh my! Are you hurt! Did I hurt you with that water? Oh no, we’ve got to get you to a hospital!” Fluttershy pranced nervously in place, having just noticed that Starbreaker had both of her left legs wrapped in grey cotton bandages the same color as her coat and encased in steel braces.

“Whoa, whoa, Fluttershy. It’s okay,” Dash said reassuringly. She paused. “It is okay, right? Do we need to do something?”

Starbreaker shrugged. “Yeah, I probably need to get these wrappings dry, but it’s not hurting me.”

“I live close to here, come with me and I’ll get you some towels. Oh, I hope I haven’t used all my bandages…”

Together, the three walked slowly through the forest. Starbreaker walked with a definite limp, doing her best to simply balance on her right legs and hop along without her left legs even touching the ground.

“You live in Cloudsdale?” Fluttershy asked. “I didn’t know any unicorn ponies lived there.”

Starbreaker nodded. “Yeah, I’m the only one, but it’s my calling, you know? I know a spell that lets me walk on the clouds like a pegasus pony and I usually just get lifts from my friends. I’m really good at jumping so getting around usually isn’t a problem, but…” She looked embarrassed.

“So you’re here to recover?” Fluttershy asked.

“Yeah, they gave me some time off work after, you know.” Starbreaker wouldn’t meet Fluttershy’s look of concern.

“After you decided that you could jump from the top of Cloudsinger’s roof all the way to the Cirrus café?” Dash jibed with a good natured grin. “That’s like four hundred yards, and a lot of it up.”

Starbreaker looked wry. “Alright, Crash, don’t get me started. Or are you still claiming that mountain jumped out in front of you?”

“At least I didn’t bruise anything but my pride,” Dash grinned back. Although she ordinarily hated the nickname ‘Rainbow Crash’, she found it hard to resent the unicorn pony. Especially since, given that it wasn’t Starbreaker’s first time to go all out on a jump that didn’t end well, it wasn’t the mean spirited jab that her old schoolmates would have used. Starbreaker understood that if you’re gonna live right at the edge of your ability, sometimes you’re gonna fall off.

And in Starbreaker’s case, fall six hundred yards and plow through the cloudstuff roof of a greengrocer. And a fully stocked shelf. And a table. And the cash register. She was coughing up bits for two hours.

Fluttershy noted that Dash wasn’t upset by the hated nickname and was impressed. “So you two are friends, then?”

Dash nodded. Though it was more of a friendly acquaintance sort of thing, since they didn’t really move in the same circles or see each other often, it’d be pointless to get all specific. They got along, therefore, they were friends.

“We’ve seen each other around Cloudsdale for a while, but we didn’t really start talking until after that long jump competition in Peachville a year ago.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Dash admitted. “I was there to see the Wonderbolts, and Star was competing. Won, too.”

“Gold in height and long jump,” Starbreaker said with considerable pride. “I’m just glad I knew someone who knew Rarity. Well, and Celestia’s apprentice, like you told me.”

They got to Fluttershy’s house, and she politely held her questions about that comment while she tended to her guests. Dash got a towel, Star got two towels and all the bandages Fluttershy could find, which she hoped would be enough. Apple Bloom and her friends had dirtied a bunch of them to create mummy costumes for some reason or another the last time they were around.

Star didn’t seem to need any help changing her wraps with her telekinesis, so, still toweling her own mane dry, Fluttershy made tea, and found some scones still in a bag from the bakery. Fluttershy generally had no trouble cooking, but she admitted her own skills at baking were nowhere close to what some of her friends had.

“So you’re a pegasus, but you live down here? I don’t think I’ve seen you around Cloudsdale before,” Star offered after thanking Fluttershy for the tea.

"Oh no, I don’t go to Cloudsdale very often. It's very, um, high." Fluttershy blushed and let her drying hair flop over her face.

“It is high,” Star admitted. “There’s a few times I was certain I was going to fall all the way to the ground, but somepony always caught me. I’m pretty careful but, you know, the cloud buildings move and shift all the time.” She giggled at a sudden thought, then broke out into full laughter.

Fluttershy looked at them inquisitively, and Rainbow Dash shrugged in reply. She didn’t know what Star was thinking either.

However, unlike Fluttershy, she wasn’t shy in asking. “Hey,” she said, poking the giggling unicorn in the ribs with a hoof, “what gives? What’s so funny?”

Starbreaker’s laughter subsided and she used her magic to wipe tears away from her eyes. “Oh, just this. I mean, here I am, a unicorn driven to live in the clouds with the pegasi, and now I meet Fluttershy, the groundbound pegasus! Oh, we’d make quite a pair, you know?”

Fluttershy blushed and ducked her head. “Well, I just like it here on the ground. There’s ever so many more animals down here.”

Starbreaker nodded emphatically. “Oh, I understand completely. You’ve got to follow your calling. Animals are your thing, so you’re down here. But up there… up there I have the STARS.” She made a wry face. “But at least you have hooves to get around down here. That’s why I got so excited when I saw a unicorn pony with wings. It’s something I’ve dreamed about since I was a little filly.”

“Rarity?” Fluttershy asked. Of course, it had to be. Who but Rarity, and the princesses, had both a horn and wings?

Star nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t get a chance to talk to her at the race, since everything was so busy, but I want to learn how she did that. Even if it does come with the risk of falling, it would make my life so much easier. Of course, apparently I have to talk to the pony that actually cast it…”

Dash nodded, swallowing a scone. “Yep, I told her about Twilight and the spell, and about why her wings burned up.”

“I already know the cloudwalk spell your friends were using, I use it so much that it’s second nature to me. But if I could just fly, even for just a little while, I’d be able to stop relying on others for when the jump is just too far. I figure, even if it’s not a permanent, or even very reliable set of wings, it still beats being stuck on somepony’s cloud when it drifts too far from any of the others, right?” Starbreaker finished her bandaging by putting her braces back on and tightening the straps telekinetically.

“I see, so that’s why you’re here in Ponyville,” Fluttershy noted, refilling her tea and adding a lump of sugar.

Starbreaker suddenly looked bashful, and Dash grinned and prodded her lightly with one hoof.

“Well, that and the physical therapy,” she mumbled at Dash’s prod. “I can’t run or jump for at least a month, which means I can’t do my job, so I’m on an enforced vacation.”

“Oh my. I certainly hope you follow the doctor’s orders. I know when I have to treat injured animals they always get better faster when they don’t try to strain themselves too early,” Fluttershy warned gently. “Do you have a place to stay?”

“Yeah, I’m renting a guest room off of the Fluff family. They gave me a really good deal. I mean, I’m not here just for that spell. Dash is a friend, and the clinic’s doctor is actually really highly recommended for the kind of therapy I need. Plus, it’s a whole lot cheaper than Manehatten.” She gave Fluttershy a smile.

“We figured we’d come see you when we found out that Twi and Rarity are out of town. Probably some adventure or another.”

“Yeah, why aren’t you chomping at the bit to go find them? You love adventures,” Starbreaker asked, shooting a glance at Rainbow Dash.

Dash thought about it a moment. “You know, even a year ago, you’d be right. But ever since Twilight Sparkle came to town… you know, there’s enough adventure to go around. I ain’t gotta be there for all of ‘em.”

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Apple Bloom sighed and rubbed mud off her face with her foreleg, surveying the damage as she did so. Their attempt at a wall, made of mud and grass, had sagged into itself and fallen over, splattering them liberally with mud and bending her trowel into a mangled lump. “Well, scratch brick laying off the list,” she said, sounding defeated.

“I told you we should have used real bricks,” Scootaloo muttered accusingly. “The wall looked good, but I don’t think mud pies make good bricks.” She thrust her nose at the makeshift brick mold she and Sweetie Belle had been using to supply materials to Apple Bloom.

“I told you that I didn’t want a cutie mark for brick laying,” Sweetie Belle chimed in. “Why were we even trying?”

Apple Bloom shrugged. “Cause we’re getting desperate?”

“Oh yeah.” The other two seemed saddened by that reminder. Scootaloo looked down and scuffed at the mud with one hoof.

They all looked sad for a moment. Scootaloo started flicking her wings trying to get mud out of the feathers, and Apple Bloom started helping her.

Sweetie Belle blinked at the sight, then an idea hit her.

“Hey, maybe we should get our cutie marks as spa ponies!”

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo looked at her dubiously.

“Spah ponies?” Apple Bloom said dubiously.

“Yeah! My sister Rarity goes to the spa all the time with Fluttershy! She loves it! And there’s two ponies there that run it and they both have spa cutie marks!” Sweetie Belle was getting excited by her idea. “We’ve got all this mud, and I know they use mud at the spa. I don’t know how, but I know they have it!”

Scootaloo gave her a dubious look. “I don’t know, I don’t really go for that kind of thing.”

“Yeah, my sister says she got no use for that kind of frou frou,” Apple Bloom agreed.

Sweetie Belle paused for a second. Looked down. Casually scooped up a wad of mud on her dainty little hoof. Flung it so it splattered across her friends, and grinned.

Apple Bloom gave her a dirty look as she wiped the mud off her face again.

Sweetie Belle grinned madly. “It’s mud. How frou frou can it really be?” A wad of mud splattered into her face.

Scootaloo smiled victoriously and glanced at Apple Bloom. “She does have a point. I do like playing in the mud.” She dodged dual throws from both the others.

“Ah’ll right,” Apple Bloom admitted, trying in vain to hide her grin. “Don’t have any better ideas anyway. So how do we become spah ponies?”

“We could go to the spa and see how they do it,” Sweetie Belle offered.

“We can’t go to the spa together,” Scootaloo protested, shaking mud from her wings.

“Why?”

“Cause you’d be stuck on the other side,” she explained, looking at Sweetie Belle.

“Other side?”

Apple Bloom gave her a quizzical look.

“Yeah, the girl’s side,” Scootaloo explained.

Apple Bloom scrunched up her forehead in puzzlement. “But… but ah’m a girl, too.”

Scootaloo looked shocked. “You are?!”

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle stared back in astonishment. “You’re not?!”

All three girls looked at each other for one long moment, then burst into giggles.

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“It’s not so much the dirt that I minded, but that infernal screeching was really getting tiresome,” Rarity complained very specifically, picking her way along the road back to Ponyville with grace and decorum. Other than a single twig of dogwood with a small white flower and a few leaves on the tip in her mane, which she’d decided she liked the looks of and left in place, she was almost as clean as when she started out the door that morning.

Now that’s unicorn magic.

I nodded, then winced as Spike pulled a particularly tangled stick out of my own mane. Sometimes I envied my little assistant, and dealing with the aftermath of crashing through a hedgerow was definitely one of those times. I spoke up. “I’m glad I remembered that you had to be facing due north when you touched the magic gemstone, or we’d have been in real trouble.” Because north is magically significant for crystal rune magic due to the angle between the planet’s axis and the north star being part of a ratio between… never mind. I turned to the other side. “Are you sure you’re okay, Pinkie?”

Pinkie Pie walked along beside me at a subdued pace. Her normally frizzy, curly mane was still fluffy, but it was also matted with sap, dirt, leaves, sap with dirt and leaves mixed in it, twigs, strands of moss, and sap with twigs and moss mixed in it. There was also a trail of nasty red ichor that spiraled down her body where that thing had wrapped around her. She seemed tired, and I can count the number of times I’ve seen a situation get the better of Pinkie on one hoof. “I admit, I was not expecting them to come out of the corners, but I’ll be right as rain after a bath and a banana crème pie.” She paused. “I don’t think I’m gonna be able to eat another noodle for as long as I live, though.”

Idly, I wondered if she was going to take the pie and smash it into her face. Surely she couldn’t be hungry after that much pasta…

“Well, I, for one, am extremely grateful for your help today, girls. I don’t know that I could have done it all by myself. The digging alone would have had me there all day. Your help was especially invaluable, Spike. I’ll make you a lovely jewel encrusted cake just like you wanted. And I’m sure you’ll love what I have in store for the rest of you, but…” she hesitated, turning to their fifth companion, who’d been hovering along beside them quietly. “Ditzy? Are you sure that a batch of muffins is sufficient? I’d have fallen in that pit of eels if it wasn’t for you.”

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl f’tahgn!" Ditzy replied brightly. “Muffins will be fine, I like muffins.”

“Oh Ditzy, you say such random things,” I said with a sigh.

“Ia! Ia! Cthulhu f’tahgn!” she replied, eyes wobbling wildly.

“Um, yes,” Rarity said doubtfully.

“I told you, I told you during that movie it was all horrible eldritch things with this guy,” Pinkie muttered, feeling vindicated.

“…well, even though it was kinda scary at times, I’m glad you trusted us enough to ask for help,” I said, forcing a smile and bumping lightly against Rarity. “Spike, when we get home, I’d like to compose a letter. Ahem, ‘Dear Princess Celestia. Today I learned that while friends will help you move, real friends help you move b-LOOK OUT!”

We all dived out of the way, except Ditzy, who flew higher, as a scooter pulling a little red wagon crashed through the area they’d been moments before, skidding to a stop.

“Big sis!” Sweetie Bell exclaimed excitedly, hopping out of the wagon and running over to Rarity. “Have you been on another adventure?!”

Rarity kind of winced. Now, she’s a believer in flaunting it if you’ve got it, and she’s definitely got it, but she’s also somewhat fretful about the things Apple Bloom and Scootaloo get her little sister into. She tries to encourage safe, refined things. And then Sweetie Belle comes home caked in tree sap and gets Rarity’s best silver brush tangled in her hair. I think it’s precious. I never got to do things like that when I was a filly.

It’s okay, though. I get to do things like that now.

“Well, I wouldn’t call it an adventure, exactly…” Rarity hedged. “I just needed help with a little problem I saw developing nearby.”

Sweetie Belle looked disappointed, but bless her little heart Apple Bloom was growing wise to such evasions.

“Would mah sis call it an adventure?” the little earth filly asked dubiously.

“…yes,” Rarity admitted.

“Hah! Knew it!” she cried, poking Scootaloo with one hoof. “I could smell it!”

“That’s the marinara,” Pinkie explained helpfully.

Sweetie Belle looked much happier. “I told you my sister is just as cool as Rainbow Dash,” she said proudly, as if it had been a subject of much debate.

“Well, I bet if she’d gone on the adventure it’d have been even cooler,” Scootaloo disagreed.

“Anyway, girls, what brings you by?” Rarity interrupted, taking control of the conversation. “And how did you get covered in mud?”

“Oh, oh yeah!” Sweetie said, apparently having forgotten. “My friends and I want to see if we can get our cutie marks as spa ponies, but we’ve never been to the spa before.”

Oh no. I see where this is going.

“Yeah, we can’t be spa ponies if we don’t know what to do! So we want to go to the spa!” Scootaloo said excitedly.

“And get covered in mud!” Apple Bloom agreed cheerfully.

Yep, sinking feeling here.

“Um, yeah,” Sweetie Belle agreed. “I spent the last of my allowance on sunflower seed cakes yesterday and I was wondering if you could give me an advance?”

Rarity’s eyes grew wide and she gasped in shock, which quickly gave way to a delighted laugh. “Wahaha! Oh my darling sister! I’ve been waiting for the day you finally take an interest in the more refined arts! And your friends! Such interests should be rewarded.” She hugged Sweetie Belle under one arm and nuzzled her happily.

Because there’s no way I’d be allowed to slip away back to my library and the work I’ve been putting off all day.

“That settles it. We’re all going to the spa this instant.”

I knew it.

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Now, I’m not much for the spa. I’ve been a few times, with Rarity and Fluttershy, but I once watched Pinkie Pie appear out of a bowl of loofas, and to be honest that makes me a little less inclined to put cucumbers on my eyes.

But I can respect professionalism when I see it. The twins, Aloe and Lotus, didn’t so much as blink an eye at the sudden influx of customers, all of whom were, as Rarity put it, to be given the full treatment. They even seemed to respect the way Pinkie seemed subdued by her day’s experience, and rather expertly handled the combined efforts of the CMC to help them tame the terrible beast of Pinkie’s hair. And apparently ducking out for a few minutes to retrieve a banana crème pie from Sugarcube Corner, which Pinkie then insisted they use instead of the usual facial mud, was something they were happy to accommodate.

The CMC were somewhat uncooperative about the need to take a bath before they got covered in facial mud, which Apple Bloom derided as being silly, and Scootaloo kept eating the cucumber slices, but they really seemed to have a good time despite being conditioned to look on such things as being ‘frou-frou’. They had many questions but I never saw the twins get exasperated with them.

Honestly, I admit that we were all somewhat surprised when the young trio were actually helpful and as a result Pinkie’s mane was sap and other encrustations free within half an hour thanks to their efforts.

“Almost all of our adventures end up with us getting, like, totally covered in tree sap,” Apple Bloom admitted.

“Oh, TELL me about it, Dear,” Rarity replied, apparently having had to deal with her sister’s hair on quite a few occasions. “I’ve gone through almost a dozen brushes just trying to keep up!”

“Well, this adventure ended up with me getting touched by a noodly appendage,” Pinkie Pie not quite complained, her hair hanging straight down, wet and plastered to her face and neck as we all trooped to the massive hot tub the spa maintained and began climbing in. Pinkie hung back, her face serious as she was the last one to climb into the tub.

The water was hot and fragrant with rose essence and bath salts, and it felt wonderful on my sore muscles and hooves.

Pinkie closed her eyes and sighed, the sound turning from one of resignation to one of contentment halfway through. Then she took a deep breath and ducked beneath the water.

We all stared as a rubber ducky floated over to where she’d been, drawn in by the ripples of her sinking. Then, suddenly, it rose out of the water atop her head as she popped back up, just enough so she could open her eyes and bubble water in front of her mouth and nose. Her bubbling sounded almost…

Musical.

“BBBBbbbbbbubububububub…” she sang, emerging from the water. Her hair sprang back into its usual fluffy curls in complete defiance of the pull of the water, and then she sprang out of the bath to balance on her hind legs on the ridge of the tub.

“Rub a dub dub, there’s ponies in the tub!

Brushie brushie brushie you gotta scrub scrub scrub!

Get out all the leaves and the mud mud mud,

Grab your rubber ducky and don’t be a fuddy dud bud!”

Pinkie sang cheerfully, paying attention to all of us. Sometimes she used a brush as a microphone substitute, and sometimes she scrubbed herself, or in one case, my head, which felt really good.

Sweetie Belle perked up as the song began, and began prancing in place, splashing gently in her excitement. Apparently she didn’t know the song Pinkie was singing, since I strongly suspect Pinkie had made it up on the spot, but at the rubber ducky line she could help herself no longer and broke in, the ephemeral background music changing to suit the new tune.

“Rubber ducky, you’re the one!

You make bath time, so much fun,

Rubber ducky, I’m awfully fond of you!” Sweetie Belle sang in a surprisingly loud, throaty voice. I’ve heard her sing before, and I’ve heard Fluttershy’s story about how she turned a gentle lullaby on its ear and rocked the house, but still, I was impressed. Rarity, for all that she’s older, has a higher, sweeter voice than her sister, despite her ironic name, but there’s definitely something about the little unicorn filly that makes you want to listen to her. Despite her age, she has a husky quality that I’m sure’s going to be quite the thing when she gets older.

Pinkie, despite being totally upstaged by Sweetie’s song, quickly abandoned her own song and dance to join in with the obviously delighted filly. Together they sang, Pinkie waltzing with the yellow rubber duck and Sweetie Belle standing on her hind legs with her hooves in the air in her eagerness to project herself.

“Rubber duckie, joy of joys,” Sweetie sang.

“When I squeeze you, you make noise! *squeak!*” Pinkie added, hugging the duck.

“Rubber ducky, you’re my friend, it’s true!”

“Doo doo doo doo, doo doooo...” Ditzy sang, surprising me as she joined in.

Together, they joined for the next verse.

“Every day when I

Make my way to the tubby

I find a little fella who’s

Cute and yellow and chubby!

“Rub a dub a dubby!” Ditzy punctuated, grinning.

“Rubber ducky, you’re so fine

And I’m lucky that you are mine

Rubber ducky, I’m awfully fond of you!”

We all clopped our hooves together and cheered, Sweetie Belle’s friends louder than any of us. Sometimes, listening to that filly sing, I wonder how she hasn’t gotten her cutie mark for singing yet.

Of course, she may not get one for singing. Even I had enough sense not to interfere with a filly’s adventures in finding her special talent. Just because you think it’s going to be one thing doesn’t mean that’s actually the case. I was sure mine was going to be a quill pen or a book or something before I got one for magic, for instance. And look at Rarity. Her special talent is finding and using gems, but she’s a designer and seamstress, not a jeweler. Nope, not gonna get involved in that. Not even when I kind of want to cringe watching Scootaloo and Apple Bloom inexpertly attempt to massage Ditzy’s wing muscles.

At least Ditzy seemed to enjoy it, her eyes wobbling in contentment. At least until Apple Bloom got over enthusiastic and used a little of that earth pony muscle to crack one of Ditzy’s front shoulder joints. Her eyes spun like a top, then came to a stop, staring at me.

Both of them.

Right.

At.

Me.

I have never seen such a mute expression of sheer horror, as if all the agony of the entire world were concentrated into one pegasus pony. I may not sleep tonight. Of course, Aloe appeared less than a second later and gave her an expert thump with the back of one hoof, popping everything back in place. Ditzy’s sigh of relief as she sank into the water sent a plume of bubbles into the air, coincidentally very similar to her cutie mark.

At first I was going to listen to Aloe’s gently stern warning to the two fillies, but I quickly got distracted by something Sweetie Belle was doing.

Or, at least, attempting to do.

She was trying to levitate a loofa with her magic, to scrub a missed bit of something in Pinkie’s hair, but it wasn’t going very well. She gave up rather quickly and scooped it up in her hoof, earth pony style, then climbed precariously onto the rim of the tub and began rubbing Pinkie’s mane vigorously.

Now, Sweetie is pretty young, but she should have better control of her telekinetics than that. I interrupted.

“Sweetie Belle, are you having some trouble with your magic?” I asked, as gently as I could. I saw Rarity not quite wince, and I wondered if maybe I should have kept quiet.

Sweetie paused in her scrubbing, practically laying across Pinkie’s head like a hat, and shrugged. “I dunno? It’s easier to pick things up with my hoof most of the time.” She went back to scrubbing, the tip of her tongue sticking out the corner of her mouth in concentration.

Rarity sidled up next to me and talked to me very quietly. “I’ve gone over Brighton’s guide for young unicorns with her several times, but she doesn’t seem to have much of a, well, flair for the practical magics.” She paused. “Or any magics, really. I’m sure she’s going to be wonderful at something but I’m afraid I have no idea what it’s going to be.”

“So she’s done the focus exercises?” I asked.

“Oh, yes, she picked that up very quickly. She never reaches for the wrong thing with her magic, she just can’t seem to control the flow.”

“Or maybe it’s a grip problem? That’s what it looked like when she was grabbing the sponge.” I rubbed my chin thoughtfully. “So you’ve tried Brighton’s mystical hoof training, and I assume Lawry’s distant touch?” Both were the two common practice images used as examples in the Brighton’s guide, the most common, Brighton’s, involving imagining an invisible hoof made of your magic reaching out and lifting the object, and the other involved sympathetic reflection on the object from pretending to hold it in your mouth.

Rarity nodded. “She had more luck with Lawry’s, she’s always had more fine control with her mouth than her hoof. Frankly, she’s a little clumsy with her hooves, poor dear.”

A bit harsh, but accurate from what I’ve seen. “Hmm. Well, what about Skyfall’s helpful hummingbird? Or Bobble’s ocean wave?”

Rarity gave me a blank look. “Hahuwa?”

“You know, from a Young Unicorn Primer?” Surely she’d at least heard of that book. I had been given my very own copy when I was a filly, it’s not like it was some dusty old thing I found behind a bookshelf in the Canterlot library archives.

Rarity shook her head mutely.

“Huh. Well, I still have a copy if you’d like to give it a try. I’ll bring it over this evening?” I paused. “I could give her some pointers, too, if you’d like.” I paused. “May not be able to do that this evening, though. I need to catch up around the library after being gone all day.”

“Oh, Twilight, that sounds like a wonderful idea! You’re the most talented pony I know with telekinesis, I’m sure Sweetie Belle could learn from you.” She turned to her sister. “Did you hear that, Sweetie? Twilight Sparkle is going to tutor you in magic.”

“Wow!” She gushed. “That’s really cool! Why?”

We laughed. She was just so instantly excited and so clearly had no idea what she was getting excited about.

“Hey, that’s great!” Scootaloo interjected, having apparently been listening in. “Rainbow Dash is supposed to kite fly me this Saturday. Maybe we’ll earn our cutie marks that way!”

“Kite fly her? I asked, wondering what she meant by that.

Ditzy was the one who answered. “You’ve flown kites before, right?”

“Well, no, but I’ve read about-“ I began, but she interrupted me.

“It’s just like that, but Scootaloo is going to be the kite!” she finished.

“Yeah!” Scootaloo said, clearly delighted. “And Rainbow said she wasn’t gonna just stick to the ground, either! She’s gonna fly me high so I can practice for the real thing!”

“Oh, well, that sounds like something I’d like to see,” I admitted.

“Picnic party in the park!” Pinkie Pie alliterated most profusively, one hoof thrown skyward.

“I-“ I began, but, you know? That did sound like a pretty good idea. “Sounds good, count me in.”

But there was one thing I was forgetting. Little Apple Bloom, sitting quietly between Scootaloo and Ditzy, her own abilities neglected by us adults. Would things have turned out better, if one of us had taken her for special training of her own? I’d like to think so.

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I will admit, we looked good when we got out of the spa. Pinkie Pie’s mane was just as bouncy and full of life as she was, Rarity’s cutie mark practically sparkled, Ditzy glowed with good cheer, and the crusaders were probably the cleanest they’d ever been. Even Spike, once again riding on my back, had his scales polished to a healthy sheen. I tried to ignore how much his gaze strayed to Rarity’s flanks. Did he want to date her or chew on her? I don’t want an answer to that.

We started splitting up immediately after. Ditzy thanked us for the adventure and the bath, got another promise from Rarity about muffin delivery, and flew off towards daycare to pick up her foal. Rarity took Sweetie Belle back home, and Apple Bloom said something about chores on the farm, and Scootaloo volunteered to carry her back. They buzzed off on Scootaloo’s little red scooter. I was always pleased to see how conscientious they were about safety, with their cute little helmets.

Their safety, I mean. Heaven help the poor pony caught in their path.

I decided to swing by the bakery and get a loaf of bread for supper. I was thinking about a lightly toasted alfalfa with honey dijon sandwich and I’m pretty sure Spike was thinking garnets. Pinkie Pie bounced along beside us.

And then she wasn’t there. I swear there was a faint pop as air rushed in to fill the void she left behind.

It took me a moment, but I spotted her down the street, with Rainbow Dash and another pony I didn’t know.

Oh Celestia, looks like there would be a party tonight. I sighed. Never mind about the bread, I guess.

Pinkie was bouncing excitedly, but oddly, the newcomer was looking at me as I trotted up.

“OhmyI’veneverseenaponywithbracesbefore areyouarobotsentfromthefuture tosaveponykind ormaybeacyberpony andyourmaneisrainbowjustlikerainbowdash areyoutworelatedohnothat’ssillybecause Dashnevermentionedhavingaunicornsisteror ohohohohhhmaybeyou’reinarelationshipareyouherboyfriend DashienevertoldmeshehadaboyfriendandIthinkI’dremember Imean’HeyPinkie,I’vegotaboyfriend’is thekindofthingthatwouldstickinyourmind-gggk!”

Rainbow Dash gestured at the other pony while her other leg squeezed Pinkie so close she couldn’t breathe or interrupt. “Pinkie Pie, and Twilight,” she said, nodding at me, “I want you to meet my friend from Cloudsdale. This is Starbreaker.”

I started to offer to shake hooves but I saw the braces Pinkie had mentioned. And Cloudsdale? This was a unicorn pony! With a very, very rainbow colored mane. I mean, wow. It’s like seeing Dash as a unicorn. And with a steel grey coat.

Instead I said, “It’s very nice to meet you, Starbreaker.”

And, apparently not to be outdone by Pinkie Pie, she said: “OHMYGOSHTwilightSparkleIsawyour workattheBestYoungFliersCompetition inCloudsdalepleaseteachmetocastaflightspellIneedit becauseI’m aunicornthatlivesintheclouds pleaseplease pleaseIwilldoanythinganythingatall!” And she threw herself at my hooves, reaching out with her good leg to grasp at mine and the other two kind of flung to the side with a squeak of metal on metal.

Even Pinkie Pie was momentarily shocked into impressed silence.

Rainbow Dash clopped one hoof to her face. “Oh, smooth Starbreaker. Way to keep your composure.”

Pinkie Pie was grinning like a maniac and bouncing so fast I think she was actually a standing wave form in the kilohertz range.

“Wow! Two ponies with rainbow manes! That’s amazing, but what does it mean?” Spike wondered aloud.

Now, Starbreaker is, hmm, how should I put this? A bit… masculine. Her muzzle is just a bit too square and her frame just a bit too muscular for her to be considered pretty in the classic equestrian unicorn sense, like Rarity. I later learned that it was from all her jumping training, giving her a physique that would honestly be the envy of even an earth pony mare like applejack, which on a unicorn just looks, well, manly. Hence Pinkie’s confusion, and even a bit of mine at first. So her big liquid eyes giving me the most pathetic puppydog look I’ve ever seen on a pony over the age of nine kind of threw me off with the whole gender confusion. Kind of like if, say, Big Macintosh suddenly squealed like a filly and begged me to do his hair.

What followed was a brief description of Starbreaker’s life as a rainbow mixologist in an otherwise all pegasus city, developing a cloudwalk spell to the point she could even sleep on the clouds like a pegasus, which impressed me quite a bit, and the hazards of being a wingless pony in a city that shifts with the breezes. The braces on her legs, which Dash explained had recently gotten wet and needed oiling, squeaked frequently with her little movements. I offered to bring them to the library so she could sit down, and they took me up on the invite. Spike rushed ahead to prepare tea and scones. Starbreaker was a pony in motion, almost always moving or swaying or shifting her weight, which caused her braces to squeak rather obnoxiously. In that, she reminded me a bit of both Dash and Pinkie Pie, though she did at least calm down to the point she could converse in normal tones.

Pinkie remained with us, her incredible curiosity about the newcomer outweighing her urge to start preparing for the party. She kept asking Starbreaker how long they’d been dating and where he’d been built, which seemed to embarrass Dash and amused Starbreaker, and what it was like to be a cyberpony, and endlessly referred to her as a ‘he’.

“She’s not a cyberpony, Pinkie! And she’s a girl!” Dash cried, finally grabbing Pinkie by the muzzle. “Don’t be mean to my friend!”

“I’m sorry,” Pinkie replied, instantly contrite. “I just got so excited I didn’t know how to handle it and I think I let my mouth run away from the rest of me. I mean, you should have seen how exciting it was the last time Dash brought a friend to town!”

Dash winced.

“It’s okay, I know you don’t mean anything by it. And I suppose I do look a little bit like Arnold Swaggerpony in Determinator. I mean, moreso than most unicorn mares. But he was an android not a cyberpony.” She flexed her bad hind leg a little bit, making the metal squeak repeatedly.

We chuckled appreciatively.

“I like you. I’m going to throw an extra special party for you tonight. What’s your favorite kind of cake?” Pinkie asked.

“Ginger cake,” she replied promptly. “I love ginger in things.”

Pinkie Pie gasped. “Oh no! I used up all of our ginger yesterday making a bunch of gingerbread! I was going to make a gingerbread model of Ponyville and raffle off a chance to go Gummyzilla on it!”

“Oh, well, I like other kinds of-“

“Oh oh idea! Do you like gingerbread?” Pinkie asked, intruding just slightly on Starbreaker’s personal space.

“Well, yes, I do love gingerbread-“

“Then I’ll make you something in gingerbread! With cake! And pie! It’ll be extra special!” Pinkie seemed delighted by the idea.

“Well, that sounds good,” Starbreaker admitted somewhat warily. I got the idea that she was used to being the weirdest pony in the room, which had lasted right up until meeting Pinkie Pie.

“Well then Pinkie had better get busy or the party will be so late no one will want to come!” Dash said with a nervous grin, grabbing Pinkie by the neck. “I’ll walk her over to Sugarcube corner and meet you back and the library, okay? You two can talk… magic stuff.”

I blinked. “Well, okay. Come on, Starbreaker. We can talk… magic stuff.”

Starbreaker practically glowed.

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“Whatsamatter, Dashie?” Pinkie asked brightly once they were out of earshot. “You want to make sure I throw an extra EXTRA special party for your friend?”

Dash dragged her around so they were nose to nose. “Okay, Pinkie. You and I both remember what happened the last time I brought a friend to town.”

“Oh, you mean when she turned out to be an itchy witchy big ol’ meanie pants?”

“Yeah, well, I’ve made sure this time that Starbreaker is a nice pony who just needs to recover from a fall and learn that flight spell from Twilight. So no practical jokes, okay?” She paused. “I mean, unless it’s a really nice one and you get me in on it,” she added as an afterthought.

“Yassuh hassa wassa! No loki involved without checking with you first!” She paused, then hugged Rainbow Dash. “I promise I won’t mess with your cyborg boyfriend, and I’m sorry for making you worry. I guess I’ve been a bad Pinkie.” She looked honestly sad at the thought of her own naughtiness.

Dash was torn between reassuring her friend and blushing anew at the implication of her and Starbreaker. “And that’s another thing! Starbreaker isn’t a cyberpony or my boyfriend! She’s a mare! A GIRL, Pinkie!

“Oh,” Pinkie chirped, smiling. “So Starbreaker is… a robot! And you’re her girlfriend.” She paused, tapping her chin with one hoof, then seemed to realize something. “So that makes you… a gay robot!”

Rainbow Dash sighed, defeated. “Yes, that’s right, Pinkie. I’m a gay robot.”

Chapter two.

An interjection, if you will, Princess. Although the flight spell clearly has its dangers, I couldn’t in good concience not agree to show it to Starbreaker. A unicorn living in the clouds was as a clear disadvantage, and indeed even in a certain amount of danger all the time. She claimed it was only due to the efforts of her friends that she hadn’t already gone splat against the ground below.

Yes, she really used the word ‘splat’. Rather cheerfully at that.

I agreed to show her the book I found the spell in, and that bought me the rest of the afternoon to handle the work that had built up. Starbreaker interrupted me only twice, to request clarification on some of the magical concepts she was unfamiliar with, and I prepared a small stack of books for her to read to cover the essentials. I also agreed to help her carry them back to the room she was renting before the party that evening.

Ah, yes. The party.

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I stared, quite impressed, at the construct Pinkie had managed to put together in such a short period of time. It was a model of a sailing ship, built from gingerbread wafers and icing, with three masts and square sails made out of rolled cardboard and paper decorated with balloons and stars, but also with several helium balloons tied to the tops of the masts. The ship was about half the size of a pony and rested on a table arranged with fluffy pink cotton candy to represent clouds. A scattering of cupcakes with star shaped icing were arranged through the clouds as if the ship was pushing them aside, ‘breaking’ the stars, and even more noticable was a large, colorful pie on the deck of the ship.

Wow, Pinkie really had gone all out. Cake, pie, and gingerbread in a single afternoon and evening?

The weather was great so she’d set up in the town square, with tables and snacks and balloons and a big ‘Welcome to Ponyville!’ banner Rarity had made for her. I know that Pinkie actually does stockpile party supplies, and spends most of her bits on them.

“Everypony!” Pinkie yelled, getting the crowd’s attention. Not the biggest crowd, but pretty good for short notice. Even Big Macintosh had shown up and he usually misses these things. “I’d like to welcome a new pony to Ponyville. Step up and say hello to Starbreaker! She’s in from Cloudsdale! Isn’t that just super duper amazing?!” She bounced down and put a hoof around Starbreaker’s neck.

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever had a welcome to town party before,” Starbreaker admitted.

“Well then we’ve got to get you your first piece of Ponyville cake! We’ve got punch and soda and fruit and candy and cupcakes and gingerbread and pie! Watch the red star cupcakes, though, they’re fireballs!”

Duly noted, thanks Pinkie.

“Umm, what’s with that pie?” Starbreaker asked.

“The pie on the gingerbread ship?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s rainbow pie!” Pinkie said, delighted that it was noticed.

What.

Pinkie proudly pulled the pie off of the deck of the gingerbread ship and displayed it for all to see. It was, in fact, a pie that seemed to be filled with a swirl of rainbow colors. In fact, it kinda reminded me of-

“Oh, Pinkie,” Dash said, clopping one hoof over her face. “Did you make a pie out of what I think you did?”

Starbreaker sniffed off it cautiously. “Is that… liquid rainbow?” she asked, clearly torn between horror and being grudgingly impressed.

“Yep!” Pinkie chirped. “I managed to get Ditzy to import a few bottles of it after the race but it’s taken me this long to come up with a recipie that uses it. When I tried it straight it was… um, spicy. But it’s all about finding harmony in the different flavors! Try it!” Quick as a wink, she had a slice of pie on a plate and held it out for Starbreaker.

“Umm, well, okay.” She levitated a fork up and took a cautious slice off the wedge of pie. There was only a moment of hesitation before she popped it in her mouth and chewed.

Munch, munch.

Suddenly her rainbow mane sparkled, each color lighting up and becoming dominant for a moment before giving way to the next. Her eyes grew wide, shimmering wetly. Perhaps it was some trick of the tears welling up, but I swore I saw the characteristic arch of a rainbow in each eye. She collapsed onto her rump.

“It’s… beautiful…” she whispered, staring into whatever vision the pie had granted her.

“And only mildly hallucinogenic!” Pinkie said brightly. “It’s win win!”

Starbreaker shook herself, coming back to her senses. Then took another bite. “It’s good,” she said, mumbling slightly around the mouthfull of pie. With her horn she snapped off a section of gingerbread ship railing and used it as a pie topping. Of course, she was quickly lost in another rainbow vision, but each bite only seemed to cause one that lasted around ten seconds, so I guess it was okay.

Pinkie rapidly served pie to the rest of us, small slices, trying to make sure everyone got a taste, I hope, and possibly diluting it below an LD50, I feared. In case you’re not familiar with chemistry terms, LD50 is the amount of whatever compound that is deadly to fifty percent of exposed test subjects. I’m sure Pinkie wasn’t careless enough to poison us in the name of pie, but at the same time, there’s bound to be some kind of reason no one has used pure liquid rainbow in cooking.

Rainbow Dash was the next pony to be served, and Applejack, and so on down the line until I was given a slice. I confess, I was so preoccupied worrying about that pie that I didn’t pay much attention to the others. When I finally took a bite… Let’s just say it’s like half a sonic rainboom went off behind my eyes and leave it at that. However, it was actually pretty good.

“Ah must say, I might like rainbow pie better’n even apple pie,” Applejack said with a saucy grin.

That got my attention, because I know Applejack loves apple pie more than anything else except maybe a fresh apple from one of her own trees.

Everyone was grinning now, except me, of course. I was looking back and forth between my friends in confusion.

“But you love apple pie,” I said, confused.

Applejack sidled over and put a conspiratorial sort of hoof around me. “True, true, I do love me some apple pie. But, y’see Twilight, there is a thing as too much pie, and I don’t think Pinkie ever really understood that.”

“Oh, but I love apple pie sooo much!” Pinkie said. “How could I choose between the two?” she continued, taking on a meladromatic tone. “Oh, woe is me, caught between apple and rainbow…” She pressed the back of one hoof to her forehead, spun twice, and fell backwards to be caught by Fluttershy.

“Well, I like our Pinkie Pie just the way it is,” Rarity proclaimed. “Really, not everything needs embellishment. Why, could you imagine a Rarity Pie? All stuffed full of gems?”

“Um, I bet Spike would love a pie named after you,” I guessed. “Especially with gems.” I wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, but I was giving it a try anyway.

Pinkie giggled like a madpony, no longer propped up exactly so much as draped across Fluttershy. “Spike is a naughty boy,” she said with a giggle.

Rarity flounced her mane. “Spike,” she replied precisely, “would not know what to do with a rarity pie.”

What?!

“Oooh, oooh, what about a flutterpie?” Pinkie said, playfully tugging one of Fluttershy’s wings up to partially cover herself. “I don’t know what you’d put in in it but I bet it’d make you feel warm and cuddly and all gooey inside, like playing with baby squirrels in a meadow full of daisies wrapped in a blanket in front of a fire drinking hot chocolate with your best friends.” She nuzzled Fluttershy’s mane affectionately.

Fluttershy was blushing like the setting sun.

“So… this is some kind of name game?” I asked hesitantly.

They all stared at me in disbelief. Even Pinkie slid off the other side of Fluttershy’s back and ended up looking at me upside down from the ground.

“I’m missing some subtext here, aren’t I?” I asked with a sigh.

That set them off, all of them, even Fluttershy, FLUTTERSHY, laughing helplessly at my confusion. Rainbow Dash fell over backwards, and Applejack covered her face with her hat trying to keep her chuckles from getting too loud. Even Starbreaker, who’d been largely quiet but still part of the conversation, seemed to be giggling at my confusion.

Wonderful. They’re all in on the joke.

Pinkie sprang to her hooves and bounced over to me with one of the biggest, most heartfelt smiles I’ve ever seen on her face. She wrapped both front legs around my neck and gave me a hug that somehow said that she wasn’t laughing at me and that I shouldn’t feel embarrassed, but nevertheless I’d said something very funny and she loved me for it. It was a very complex hug, and it smelled like pie.

“Oh, Twilight,” she said, “if I ever made a pie with you, it would be full of stars and magic and imagination itself.”

“But it might turn out to be a cake,” Fluttershy spoke up in a sly tone, causing the others to laugh even harder.

Really? Just… REALLY? Even Fluttershy is giving me guff?

“I’m still not understanding the theme of the conversation,” I said, well, grumped, somewhat irritated.

“Maybe when you’re older,” Pinkie said, giving me a peck on the cheek and bouncing away before I could protest.

“Pinkie! I’m older than you are!”

She was ignoring me. I turned to the others.

“Anyone? Anyone want to explain this to me? Hey, where are you going?” They were ignoring me, and they wouldn’t stop SMILING.

Doesn’t this just figure? Every time some awful beast with too many eyes pops up and starts scaring ponies, it’s all ‘Twilight, what is that? You read books, Twilight, how do we stop it? Tell us what to do, Twilight!’ but the minute I have some questions about rainbow pie suddenly everyone is deaf.

I see how it is.

I’m going back to my library.

Author's Note: Sorry folks, that's all for now. I'm working on a Blueblood and Chrysalis fic right now as my main project. Mean ponies of Equestria, unite!