RHAPSODY IN BLUE: THAT WAS THE THING THAT IS THAT WAS YEAH
Fluttershy took a massive hit from her glass skull bong and ripped a FAT cloud. She then lay on top of her rug in such a manner that the radial pattern looked as if it was coming from her head. She smiled. She had a pet rabbit named Angel and was reasonably good at keeping care of it. Angel had recently died of a heart attack. This bothered Fluttershy. Unfortunately, she had no one to confide in. Not many were interested in Godard films or Anarcho-Capitalism and she refused to meet anyone halfway. That was simply because her interests were at the core of her identity and she found it very difficult to talk about anything else. This was especially true following the death of Angel. Thus, her loneliness was mostly self-inflicted. Fluttershy had a craving for some art porn. She wanted to see some naked ponies. She wanted to see the love and all that shit.
Fluttershy selected “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” on the electronic jukebox which was located within the video store. She bought a film that was wrapped in a brown bag. She brought the bag home. She popped the disc into the DVD player. She then watched the movie. The movie (at some point) finished. As in, it ceased to play. Overall, it was a jumbled mess of meaningless symbolism, unlikable characters and loathsome morals. In other words, it was a masterpiece. Fluttershy had some work to do. She avoided doing it, kidding herself that she’d get around to it soon. That never occurred. Once again, she screwed herself over and then whined about it.
Celestia looked at the moon. The sun (which was Twilight in disguise) had recommended she send prisoners there. Celestia had to do as the sun recommended. Otherwise, she would die (that much was true). Many would die or go insane. That was the way it was. She cried a little. But not too much.
“I love you.” said Spike.
“Our children would have no heritage, darling.” said Rarity “They would be ostracised. Furthermore, we would be looked down upon. We are too physically different to be able to have normal, healthy children. There wouldn’t be anything wrong with our relationship but there wouldn’t be anything right about it either.”
“Fair enough.” said Spike, although in his head he was cursing her. In his head, he was thinking about how ungrateful Rarity was being. That was what he thought. The reality was probably different.
Fluttershy then saw a human head peeking through the window. And then she ceased to. Because it was gone. Fluttershy then had impure thoughts. Then she ceased to because the thoughts were over. Fluttershy smoked some weed. She coughed as a result of this. Then the postman came. Fluttershy had been invited to a party. It was a garish, collectivist affair meant to celebrate the theft the Equestrian government performed daily under the guise of helping the people. Naturally, Fluttershy declined. As in, she crumpled up the flyer and disposed of it. She did this not because of her principles but because she was deathly afraid of parties.
The moon leered at Scootaloo. She cowered but that did not prevent the moon from eating her soul. The moon was also Twilight in disguise. Twilight needed souls to sustain herself. Scootaloo quickly went to sleep.
I want to clarify that all of the moon-based paragraphs occur after the non-moon-based paragraphs. Chronologically, that is. For sure.
Fluttershy then went to the town hall in order to protest the very concept of taxation. In other words, she was standing around holding a sign while vainly hoping the state would dissolve. She was attacked by some royal guards who were spooked by the speed at which she waved her “Don’t tread on me” sign. Reasonably afraid of physical confrontation with ponies who were not only stronger than her but could initiate violence upon her with impunity, she fled.
Fluttershy’s only friend was Gadsden Stitch, an even more fervent Randian. He believed in psychological egoism, which was a step too far for Fluttershy (Twilight made sure of that). Fluttershy phoned Gadsden. He had been living with the ants for many years, spreading his subversive anti-state propaganda. Gadsden Stitch was also Fluttershy’s drug dealer and former lover.
“Hello,” said Fluttershy.
“Hey,” said Gadsden in reply.
“I want drugs. Also, can I come home soon?”
“How’s the novel coming along?”
“Not well,”
“Huh. Just get it over with. You need to learn to stick with things. Also, I’m no longer bankrolling you. You may have to get a job. Either that or another temporary sugar daddy,”
“Fair enough,”
“Ungrateful ass,” thought Fluttershy to herself as she gingerly placed the phone on its holder.
Fluttershy then got a job at McDonald’s. She did an adequate job and received adequate pay. She then attempted herself to sleep. She instead attended the party after the attempt fell through.
Fluttershy spent the vast majority of the party alone. She was endlessly tormented by a shrieking harpy named Pinkie Pie who kept talking to her in spite of Fluttershy’s valiant attempts to ignore her. She then got dragged away by her equally brainless friends who were clearly either government stooges or apolitical plebeians. She drank a bit and that made her feel better. But not by much, though. To clarify, the beverage she drunk was alcoholic. That is, it contained alcohol.
Fluttershy then woke up with a hangover. She received a message from Gadsden that was clearly recorded while he was drunk. In it, Gadsden rescinded his denial of funds. Sweet. Fluttershy could feign ignorance of his inebriation and then guilt him into continuing his financial support. Life was good.
Fluttershy ate a bagel. It tasted good. She then got a draft notice explaining she had been conscripted into the Equestrian army. She moaned, threw the notice in the trash and spent the rest of the day getting stoned and stuffing her face. They had no right to do that. She wasn’t a citizen. Fluttershy was clearly unaware of the “If you stay here more than 30 days, you’re a citizen” policy the Equestrian government had. Thankfully, the notice was given 14 days in advance of the day in which the royal guard would storm into her home and forcibly march her into the training compound. All Fluttershy had to do was finish an entire novel in 14 days. How hard could it be? But first, she decided to get some art porn.
Fluttershy follows in the footsteps of general buttnaked
Fluttershy was forcibly conscripted into the Equestrian military. Due to her being somewhat flabby and out of shape from being a dirty capitalist hippie, she was made leader of an obscure regiment where fuck all happened. Her lieutenant was the avant-garde filmmaker Stan Brakhage. Her only resources were millions of taxpayer bits, 24 kalashnikovs and an entire army of filly soldiers.
Fluttershy shot a filly in cold blood as a sacrifice while Stan dabbed in the background. She then stripped everyone naked. Soon, a giant tapeworm came out of the ground and Fluttershy sicced the naked, feral fillies on it. 80% of them died before the tapeworm gave up and just went back into the ground to commit suicide.
Fluttershy was then promoted and made all of the soldiers take LSD. They were all emboldened and we're more effective at expanding Ponyville. Kill the natives, destroy the idols and establish the settlement. Rinse, wash and repeat. Except this time, everyone was naked and on drugs.
"Hello, Stan Brakhage!" said Fluttershy.
"Hello," he said, while coating his face in the blood of children.
Fluttershy then ate a Dubble bar. The nutty crunchiness was very satisfying. She then found God.
Celestia then awarded Fluttershy. Fluttershy couldn't believe that she could get a medal for getting naked and high. Just goes to show, do what you love and kill children and you'll be rewarded plentifully.
