Author's Note

Before you read; This story is a mix of personal experiences and fictionalized events. This is a story with a message. Take it and keep it close. Please tell me how I can improve and leave a rating.

Gekyume

You are reading this.

Why?

Do you have some sort of drive to see what lies beyond?

I do.

Or I did.

You are still here.

Ok.

You seem dedicated.

I like you.

I trust you.

But a warning is needed.

By reading the rest of this you are subjected into a part of my soul that you willfully see.

You are hereby bound to a contract that exempts you from judgement from me, or the author.

I’m not him.

Do you agree?

Good.

Let me tell you a story...

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He sat there. On the ground in front of his crib. A foal with two names. One the last of a heritage.

And one that he wants.

He hears yelling from the other room. Up his stairs, down his hallway, and into his kitchen. The yelling has gotten worse over the course of weeks. He is to young to understand what is happening. He hears a slamming door, then crying.

Some time later, his mother comes into his room.

The room has carpet floors, colored walls, and a small window. The foal sleeps in the basement. In case of an emergency he is taught to climb a pile of sandbags that lead to the window. And to escape. But he does not understand this.

His mother walks over to him. She is an average height Earthpony mare with a short brown mane and tail. She looks at him with dried tears on her cheeks. She hugs him.

He has only one thought.

Where was his dad? But he forgets who his dad is. Or who he was.

*********************************************************

It has been a year since he last saw his father. The only memory he has of him is in a picture. The foal is now two years old and has been told he is special. He is able to speak in full sentences.

Today is the first time that he sees his father since his parents divorced. He is promised a fun day of sledding with his blood sister, step sister, and step brother.

His sister is 2 years older than him and the two do not get along often. But today is his birthday party so they do not fight. And in time they grow to realize that they are each other’s best friend.

The sledding path has trees in the way, but the young colt does not care and goes down the hill. His father was supposed to be on the sled with him, yet he is not. The sled veers off course into a tree, splitting it down the middle. The colt makes contact with the tree yet feels no pain.

He is taken to the doctor. He is told his leg has been broken and will need to be placed in a cast.

He does not cry.

**********************************

The colt is now on the cusp of stallionhood. He is excited.

Due to having an abnormally large head, he often falls when walking or running. Permanent bruises form below his horn, and his wings are surprisingly massive as well and throw him off balance frequently.

He resents this fact. He develops an acute sense of balance in order to maintain any type of posture or form.

His mother and father have re-married and soon he discovers that he will have a sister. He is upset by this.

He wants a brother, although he doesn’t know why.

He spends more time with his step dad more than his actual dad. His mother was given custody of him.

*********************************************

He is now seven. He is still told he is special, but he does not believe this anymore.

He believes that everypony is told this. He understands that most are average. He believes his life is average.

He enters a state of mind that traps his conscious. On the inside, he is sad, he is lonely. He thinks that nopony truly cares to tell him the truth just to spite him.

He shouldn’t know these things, but he does. For a while he hides it.

*************************************************

At eight years old he sees his great grandmother dying. He visits her and she tells him She loves him.

She survives a week longer than the doctors originally thought. She dies on the first day of Spring.

When he is told this he is shocked. But he does not cry, nor does he feel any reason to. But he feels pain.

He never really knew her. So why does he hurt so much?

***********************************************

By the time he turns nine he has almost completely forgotten his great grandmother. But her memory is still there.

He tries to get rid of it. He fails.

But he uses school to get his mind off of things. His favorite thing is running, yet he is not fast and he can not do it for long.

He is short. The other stallions make fun of him. Until he makes friends with somepony he finally doesn’t hide from.

He tells the mare everything. He tells her his life story to put it simply.

She understands. He is happy for the first time since he turned seven.

And his outlook is remade.

The mare is better at running than he is. He hates that.

***************************************************

It has been a year since he has seen the mare. But he is now better than her at running.

He is pleased, yet angry. There are still others better than him. And he hates that too.

He decides that he will try a sport called Cross-Equestria. It is a fast-paced long distance competition.

On the day of his first practice his grandfather falls ill.

He does not know this.

But he later finds that the mare that he had known, has died.

His heart shatters.

******************************************************

After a year of long, hard training everyday, the stallions’ first meet comes up.

His grandpa dies the morning of it.

The stallion does not cry. He did not really know his grandpa. But the pain grows.

His step brother’s friend dies the same year only months later. His brother cries, but he does not.

He has taught himself not to cry.

He goes to the meet and does well for his height and age. But he is not satisfied. He wants to be the best, but cannot.

The pain in his chest after running is diagnosed as asthma from allergies. He is told that he should have died.

He fights the pain and keeps running.

************************************************************

At the age of thirteen he is taller than most of his friends. He is faster than most of his school. And he is not happy.

He still hates that he could do better. So he tries. He fails.

Time and time again he fails.

He hides that he is unhappy under a fake smile. He believes that it makes him seem weak, being sad.

He does not believe that anypony cares for him.

One night he takes a mouthful of water, lays back in his bed, and shuts his eyes.

***************************************************************

He opens his eyes to see a perfect field. In the distance he sees a hill. On the hill a pony.

Looking around he sees that there is nothing else within view. Just beautiful grass rows.

He appraochs the hill, the pony. He sees that it is a mare with a long, flowing red mane and tail.

He knows this mare. It was the mare he had poured his feelings into and she had listened. The mare that cared when nobody else did. She was here. Just having her here was enough to want to make him stay. She sat under a white oak tree with pink leaves. Staring off into space.

He reached the top of the hill and sat next to her.

For what seemed like hours they sat in silence. Neither dared to speak. They didn’t know why.

After not seeing her for three years, the stallion broke the silence.

“Rose?”

She turned her head to look at him.

“Yes Afterglow?”

“Where are we?”

She gave him a quizzical look. “This is heaven, is it not?”

In the moment he finally realized what he had done. He was afraid. He didn’t want to die. He wanted to take it back. All of it.

“How did you die?” She asked him.

“I... I...”

“The same way I did?”

“How did you die?”

Her gaze returned to the open field. “A knife, a note, and a regret.”

His eyes widened. He had only ever heard that she had died. Not how, not why. He had a chance to ask her.

She read his thoughts. “I thought I was alone. That nopony would even notice. My parents never payed any attention to me. I decided I was a waste of space you know?” She levitated some grass in the air, then released it. “Just another pony that wasn’t special.”

“You were wrong. You were beautiful. You are beautiful. You wouldn’t believe how many ponies didn’t come to school the day that we found out you had died. You mattered.”

“And you didn’t?”

“It’s different with me. You died and I lost it.”

“That’s not the only reason.”

She jabbed at him. At his resolve about his life.

“I know that your grandpa died too. That one of your friends died.”

“He wasn’t my friend.”

“Then why did it hurt you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Nopony ever does.”

“I didn’t cry.”

“You never do. You didn’t cry for anything because it made you feel weak. You thought that a tough-stallion act could get you through life. Now look where you are.”

He didn’t know how to respond. So he didn’t. Instead he did something that he never does.

He cried. Not loudly, but he did. And once he did, he didn’t stop.

But he sat there, crying. Rose held out her hoof. Afterglow wiped away tears to look at her.

“W-what?”

“If you take my hoof you will go to heaven with me. We will spend eternity there. Together with everypony else. It is perfect there.”

He slowly raised his own hoof and began moving towards hers. But he stopped. “What if I don’t?”

“Then you go back to your old life of misery. It’s an easy decision, really.”

He choked back cries. “Not as easy as you think.”

For minutes they sat there, hooves inches apart.

Then he lowered his to the ground, and stood up.

“I’m not dead.” He told her. “Not yet. Does that mean you are alive too?”

“No.”

“Then goodbye Rose.”

He turned and walked down the hill, and closed his eyes once more.

********************************************************

Afterglow jolted awake, springing straight into a sitting position. He gagged up the remaining water in his lungs.

All was calm in his room. He was alone.

He slid to the edge of his bed, trying to assess what had just happened.

He stood and walked over to his desk with a quill and paper, and began to write.

Dear Me,

After what just happened I need to make sure I don’t forget. Read this when you are sad. Read this when you are happy. Read this when others are sad or happy.

You matter. You are loved. You are cared for.

Don’t wish upon others what you do not wish upon yourself.

It is okay to cry.

You don’t get over the loss of anypony. You learn to live with it. I was taught that by a pony that I met a long time ago.

Tell others if you are sad, don’t hide it. Help others if they are sad.

You are special. Everypony is different. You have purpose.

————————————————————————————

Are you satisfied?

Did you get what you came here for?

You are still here.

You finished this story even if you wanted to stop.

So, ask yourself.

What makes you, you?

Why does it make you that way?

Always help others.

Share.

Laugh.

Love.

Stretch one moment into a thousand.

Your time is not up.

It has a meaning.

But it is your choice on how you use it.