A Wacky Read

From the gates that could only be leading into the realm that a Pony would know as the Underworld, the great guardian of the gates, the ruler of the underworld and master of metal stepped onto Equestrian soil.
He appeared to be a giant in glorious armor that covered all his body and face. It was an armor of steel and silver, reflecting the little starlight they had this night.

Every edge of the armor plates was sharpened and where space was left, a pointy spike threatened everyone who got too close. Chains hung down his back and hips and mail covered joints and crouch.
His fingers were claws that clutched a warhammer in the size of a wagon, adorned of course with spikes and pictures of skulls and bones, all founded in steel and fixated with big, edgy screws.
It was a sight to behold, so edgy and metal, that the Ponies were shocked. They'd never seen anything like it.

"Kathathrahn!", Rex yelled up to him to greet the god. "What glory is granted to me, that your grace walks among us?"

The dark, heavy voice of Kathathrahn echoed through his armor and the cold air of the night, "What can I say? I’m a very simple God, I just like to bash in some skulls and taint my metal with blood of mortals. You promised me prey and your word held true."

In the meantime, Cameron used the distraction to catch up with his team. Exhausted but alive, he asked them, if they were alright.

"Yes, we are. But not everyone made it."

"Made it, why, what? Where are the others?"

"They are all dead, Mitchell."

"Daniel too? What is that, his fifth time?"

"What is the plan, Cameron Mitchell?"

"Well, my big friend, that Wizard is about to reset the time. That means that everyone that died will return to life, right?"

"Right!"

"Now he summoned some giant knight. Carter, how many bullets you got left?"

"One full and a half magazine."

"Alright. We can still make him remember us. Let's leave a scar, alright?"

"You are fools", Morty said to the Humans. He stood near by and watched the mess the thief made that he's paying to get his work done. Or used to anyway. "If you fight Kathathrahn, you will die."

"Oh, yeah?", Cam asked.

"Yes."

"What makes you so sure 'bout that? He's just ... gigantic, in armor and ... has a ... what is that? A hammer?"

"He's god of the underworld. Other gods fear his fury. Mortals are, well, mortal, and die rather quickly. His battlecry alone might split you in half."

Cam nodded and forced himself back onto his feet, as did his team. "Alright, then we'll take on the smaller one, the Wizard."

"You mean the bulletproof wizard that talks to the god of the underworld about how to best get rid of you? Yes", Morty rolled his eyes, "I can't see any flaw in that plan. Well thought of."

"I might have an idea", Hati said when we walked past the Humans and Morty. His glance was fixated onto the God of Metal. Proudly and obviously with a deathwish he walked up to the giant.

"So, Mortals", Kathathrahn said, "How do you want to do this? I can take on all of you, or one after the other. I feel grateful today, so you may pick the way of your death."

Hati yelled, "I'd like to be the first to face you in a duel."

Rex didn't understand, "You're insane, dear. Don't do that."

"You said it doesn't matter, right? You will recycle the time anyway and this never happened. So don't cry for me." He then yelled up to the god again, "But I may ask of one thing."

"Speak."

"I'd like to pray before we start."

Kathathrahn laughed. "Very well. Go ahead."

And so Hati drew his saber, kneeled down and put the point of the blade into the ground before him. He put his forehead to the pummel and closed his eyes.

Rex didn't understand, Hati wasn't religious and he never saw him pray before. "What are you doing?"

Hati stood back up, "Calling for aid."

Suddenly the night sky above them cleared up and the stars lit up strongly. Millions of new stars were added to the firmament and the picture of it was so flawless that the Humans thought, they were in space again.
Black mist crawled out of the forest and gathered near Hati on the hill. It rose up into a pillar and once it sunk down to the ground again, a dark figure remained where the pillar had been.
A black cloak veiled the identity, the person’s face and body. But there was more of the black mist dripping out from underneath it. Under the hood one was able to make out two spots that reflected the starlight like a cat's eye. But they were blank and no indicator for the visitor's race.

"Aw, shit", Kathathrahn sighed, "What does the faggot do here?"

"When the god of bones, blood and fire is calling out my name, I have no choice but to answer it", the shadow replied.

"What? He was the one that called you." Kat pointed at Hati and the shadow looked down at him.

Hati waved up to the giant cloaked god and smiled nervously. "Yes, that is him, Hati, in his mortal form." The shadow looked at Kat, "Do you not recognise your master when you see him?"

"To be honest, I'm not getting out a lot."

"Alright", Hati admitted, "Now I'm confused."

"I'm sorry", the shadow asked, "But what did you call me here for?"

Cameron asked Morty, while Hati was negotiating, "Who is the new guy?"

Morty sighed, more or less, since he had no lungs, "The new guy is only the god of night, hunt and cats, Gauduhn. How do you Humans not know your gods?"

"Excuse me! But there’s only one true god, and I’m sure he doesn’t dress up like that!"

Morty shrugged, "I heard that story before. Didn't end well."

In front of them, by the tree of the hill, Hati bowed before Gauduhn.

"You want me to fight my brother, Kat?"

"Please", Kat begged, "Don't use that name in front of the mortals."

"Ehm, no, I can take him on myself", Hati said.

Rex yelled, "What?!"

Hati continued, "But could you please keep Rex from hurting more people?"

Gauduhn looked back and forth between the Lizards, "Did you say, Rex? From Karinthor? Rex Bra'Kan van Karinthor? You want me to fight the vessel of time? You wouldn't live to see the end of it."

"The what now?"

"Oh!", Kat laughed, "That is him? That is hilarious that we meet up like this. This reminds me of the great convergence we had fifteen thousand cycles ago."

"I'm sorry, once again, Master Hati", Gauduhn said to him, "But I can't fight other gods. It never ends."

"You mean it never ends well."

"No, I mean, it has no end. Gods don't die and they don't tire. The only thing that will get lost is the battlefield."

Hati nodded and looked at Kat, "Alright then. Then make sure no one else dies."

Kat took a few steps towards Hati. "You want to fight me with that stick of yours?"

Hati raised his sword against him but it melted away in a second. Merely his handle remained.

"Well, that's not really fair, is it?"

"Fair?", Kat laughed while he raised his hammer to strike, "Fair is the loser's cry."

"HATI!", Elisa shouted and threw him her longsword. Hati rolled out of the way of the hammerstrike and picked the sword off the air.
Immediately the enchantment of the sword was powered by Hati's fury. The curseth bones of his arm ignited into flames, similar to Morty's skeleton, and with the grasp of the handle, the flames also reached over to the blade. The blue gemstones in guard and blade started to light up and a lightning began to crawl up and down the cutting edge.

With flowing motion, Hati turned the catch of the sword into a heap and drove the enchanted blade through the long handle of the godly warhammer.

It was cut through and separated which left Kat obviously impressed.

"Now that's a fine sword. I've seen it before, yes. But not in the hands of a Brass'Ka, no, but of a Raptor, a servant of the Za'Ir." He laughed while his handle and hammerhead reunited with liquid metal reaching out to the parts. He lifted the hammer onto his shoulder, "It shall serve you well in this fight!"

Again and again they exchanged strikes and swings. The Eral's Blade, how the enchanted sword was named by Elisa, was up to the task and kept Hati save from the spikes and strikes of the Metal God. On the other hand, he had no means to hurt Kat. Cuts made closed shortly after. And he was immortal after all. All Hati could do, was to put his head onto the line for the others, so no one else had to die.

Whenever spikes or a wave of metal, chains and blades leashed out into the area, Gauduhn took care of it and let it vanish into smoke before it reached the bystanders.

It went on a few minutes like that, until the fight was interrupted by a royal voice. A royal canterlot voice.

"ENOUGH OF THIS!", with lightning and power oozing out of her horn, Luna got between the fighters and so they stopped.

"An Alicorn", Gauduhn concluded, "That must mean, I am in Equestria. But then", and turned to Pinkie, "You! I didn't know you were here too, forgive me for my intrusion."

"It's okay", Pinkie said, "I've been monitoring this whole thing for quite a while now. Before it can end peacefully, I first have to do one more thing. Or two. Or, you know, things. Plural anyway."

Twilight didn't understand, "Pinkie, what are you doing?" She could only watch her walking up to the Metal God. "It's time, Twilight, it's time."

"An Alicorn", Kat concluded, "That must mean, I am in Equestria. But then", and saw Pinkie approach him. "You! I didn't know you were here too, forgive me for my intrusion, Master." He kneeled down and put the hammer down.

"Ehm", Hati was confused and raised a brow, "Pinkie, Master?"

She looked at Rex, "You thought no one would remember your loops, you thought you had it all under control, that you had no one to fear. But I do, you didn't and there had always been me."

Rex stepped forward, "Who are you?"

"I carry many names. You know me, even if you don't remember. I'm a part of you, even if you don't know it."

"You are insane."

"Exactly my point. And you", her eyes fell upon Kathathrahn, "Are a chicken."

Suddenly the mighty giant disappeared in a puff of smoke and was replaced by a chicken that wore a metal spiked helmet.

"What the", Hati walked up to the chick and picked it up onto his arm, "Hell?"

"Not quite."

Twilight walked up to her and Luna, she was followed by Spike, "What's going on? How did you do that?"

"Don't worry your little head about it, you won't remember it and you never understand it. You're never taking it well."

Gauduhn went to Hati and reached out his pitch black claw, it was dripping of black goo and mist and Hati hesitated. "I'll take him home."

"Hmm, alright?", Hati handed him the chicken. "But he'll be himself again, right?"

"Of course, those spells never last forever. A few hundred years of your time maybe."

Without any word of farewell, Gauduhn went into the gates of the underworld and they closed behind him, leaving behind a pile of rubble and nothing more.

"That doesn't make any sense", Twilight insisted when Pinkie told her of her powers.

"Nothing here ever does", Applejack commented.

"You know how sometimes it's fun to dress up for Nightmare Night? Sometimes it's fun to be a pink Pony. Don't overthink it."

Then Pinkie walked into Rex's direction. He now stood alone, without any allies, even though Hati didn't want anyone to kill him.

"You remind me of someone. I should introduce you to each other. How about we make it a duel, what do you say, hmm, Rex?"

"A duel?", Rex reached into his coat to get his hand on another Inaji. In the other hand he held his blue spellbook. "What are the stakes?"

"Survivor lives."

Rex nodded, "Sounds fine to me."

From another puff of smoke, a person appeared, dressed in green cloth and golden armor, with a golden helmet that had long, curved horns, that reached almost all the way from this forehead to the back of his neck.

"Where am I?"

"You were brought here to duel!", Pinkie cheered, "Loki of Asgard."

"How dare you bring me here? You foolish", he turned around to Pinkie, "Pink ... Pony?"

"How's your neck? Feeling better? Last time I saw you, you were looking quite under the weather."

Loki straightened his clothing and turned to this opponent, "Who is my duel partner?" He spotted Rex who bowed to him and Loki started to grin. "Oh, this is already over."

Cameron was curious. "Now, he looks Human."

"That is Loki, a Norse God, equivalent to the devil and apparently bringer of the end of the world", Teal'C explained.

"You hang out with Daniel too much."

Sam brought up, "But we already know a Loki, the Asgard."

"What else would I be?", Loki said from afar. He had excellent hearing after all.

"Little grey alien guy, big eyes, huge brains, no?", Cameron commented.

Teal'C calmly explained, "Loki is also a villain in the Marvel Comics universe."

"You read comics now?"

"The movies are quite enjoyable."

Rex addressed his opponent, "Why, another god, one of magic, illusions and cheap tricks?"

"Cheap tricks?", he started to yell, "I am a god! I am Loki! Better not to test me, mortal."

"Why, you should start to wear a name tag then. All the repeating must be tiring."

"And who are you, a comedian, or just a fool?"

"Why, did you think I was funny? Did you see me smile?"

"Then what do people call you, just so I'd know what to write on your tombstone."

"Expectations, my dear", Rex sighed, "Nothing but expectations. If you seek to be successful in what you do, you should stop to presume."

"YOUR NAME!"

Rex smiled, "Rex, and please, don't overuse it."

"You think you're that great, a hot shot as humans say, ..."

"Carter, did I ever say Hot Shot?"

"I don't know. I don't remember. Maybe."

"... But you're just a mortal, an insect that I will crush once I get bored of your games."

"Look who's talking. I can't say I care for who you are or this conversation, so if you would excuse me, I have more important issues to attempt to. Like saving the cosmos."

"So have I. Unfortunately for you, my issue is you."

Rex looked at Pinkie besides Loki. His gaze cut deep into her soul. "Do you think he can defeat me?"

"I will", Loki smiled while he took his first steps towards the blue mage.

Rex shortly looked around, observing the hilltop. "Your tricks are cheap and not very clever. Not clever at all."

He held his magic book in his hand and aimed its pages somewhere behind him without taking his gaze off Pinkie. A blue lightning-storm jumped out of the pages, that cooked and burned all next to Rex in a wide cone. Soon the lightning strikes started to focus onto a single target, contorted like snakes and much like they were alive.

The bow of light continued and a few moments later, a figure started to become visible under its grab. The rainbow coloured invisibility cloak started to fail and Loki's true self was revealed. He couldn't move under the power of the spell and flinched in agony. His shadow picture vanished.

"I. Am", he stuttered under great effort, "A. God."

"Why, immortal, yes", Rex smiled at him, "I didn't forget."

While the lightning storm was ongoing, he ripped the page off his book and threw it over into Loki's face. As he was bound by the spell, Rex now had time to browse his book once more. The next second he threw another page to the god's feet, which cast a new spell. A ring of light expanded under him and when it was big enough, the colour changed to pitch black. Immediately Loki fell into the void while still bound by the page in this face.

When the portal closed and the god was banished, the hill became silent and Rex looked into the teary and angry faces of his opponents.

"Oh, no", Spike said, "What are we going to do now?"

Luna was of good hope, "I have called for help. I'm still hoping it may arrive in time."

"Nowhere left to go", Rex looked at the crowd while taking out one of what must’ve been his last Inaji. "Let's put an end to this misery, shall we?"

Hati stepped forward in front of the crowd. "Then I shall be your opponent."

"I'd hate to hurt you, dear. But if that's your wish, then I shall grant it."

Suddenly a frame started to appear around Rex. It was see-through and pulsed on and off. Everyone but the Ponies had a hard time to recognise what it was.

Luna started to smile of relief, "Just in time, as always."

Rex didn't know what happened to him, he was trapped in this pulsing box, that slowly appeared out of thin air. "What is this? That never happened before!"

"We do have a Master of Time on our side as well", Luna yelled proudly, "Not a God, but a Lord!"

"It's Time Lord, darling, Time Lord. And the name's The Doctor."

They turned around to the tall man in their midst.

"Doctor!", Luna said surprised, "Why are you not in the Tardis?"

"It's remote controlled. Makes for a much better entrance, don't you think? I'm still working on that."

Soon the box around Rex was complete and stopped pulsing. The returning sound of buzzing air was killed off by a heavy hit of tons of steel finally resting on the ground.

The box was blue, with white little windows in the upper half and a light bulb on the top.

"Cam", Sam said, "Is that", but hesitated, "Doctor Who?"

"The who-now?"

"You never watched Doctor Who?"

"I'm not watching a lot of stuff, Carter."

"Please!", the tall man said, "It's just The Doctor. Or Doctor if we're out of time."

"That might be confusing", Morty said.

The man wore a brown suit with a fine shirt underneath, shiny shoes and a red bowtie around his neck. He walked up to the much smaller Morty and checked him out. "Oh, hello, and what are you?"
He drew a silver pen from his jacket and pointed it at the skeleton. A buzzing sound and a green light appeared for just a second, before the Doctor looked at the pen. "Human. Interesting. Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm not feeling. I'm missing the body parts to feel."

"Now, why would that be confusing calling me Doctor?"

"I'm a Doctor too. Doctor Mortanius Kältezorn."

"Sounds german."

"I know. So I've heard."

"Let's just roll with it, if people say Doctor, we assume they mean me. Okay? Okay!"

Hati looked concerned, "What happened to Rex?"

"Oh, Rex, this Rex, yes, he's in the Tardis now. That's the Tardis, it's my", he shrugged, "Ship. Yes, I think that analogy works." He walked up to Hati, "He's fine. It's like a cage now, I locked it. He cannot get out, unless he's made out of time." He laughed shortly, "Seriously, he's not made out of time? That would be horrible." He turned to the Ponies, "Sometimes a little of the time leaks out. Nothing serious, I'm looking to get it fixed, but I just don't find the ... time. Funny."

"Doctor!", Twilight shouted at him, and so he smiled down at her.

"Yes, Twilight, or Princess Twilight now, isn't it? It's good to see you again."

"Be careful with this Rex. He killed many of our friends."

"A bad finger, that Rex. But as I understand it, this time thing in the orbit, it will reset the time to three days ago. So you'll see them again, don't worry about the details. I'm here for the details."

In the Tardis, Rex turned around to face the room behind him. It was a shiny room, full of contraptions and lights that blinded him. In the center of the round dome, there was a pillar of glass and light, surrounded by consoles, levers and a grill bridge above the ground.

Most amazing though was that on the bridge, near the steps that lead to it, stood another Rex. "More trickery? No, you're no trick. You're me."

"I'm a tad older in fact, but yes."

"But I didn't summon you."

"No, I summoned you. I'm the older one. I'm trying to make this right. Don't resist, don't explain yourself. I already know what you are going to say."

And once the Rex downstairs opened his mouth, the future self repeated every word of his, what got him interrupted. "BBuutt tthhiiss iiss rriiddiiccuulloouuss ... SSttoopp iitt."

The old Rex smiled. "Sorry."

"So, what is it that you will make yourself do? I don't have to tell you that the time spell is upon us soon."

"I will make you stop."

"Stop?"

"You will give me your Inaji, all of it, and then stop using your magic on this planet. Entirely."

"If you had this conversation before, then you know what I would be asking you."

Old Rex sighed, "You don't have to make the portal anymore. Your experiments are not needed anymore."

"This is hard for me to accept."

"I took some seconds to take it in myself."

"What is this box? What is this room?"

"This is a time traveling device. It's your ride home."

"A device?"

"I know, we despise those. But this one runs on magic. You'll find some time to look into it, later."

"Very well. But the Inaji, is that really necessary? I'd like to keep some for study."

"I don't have any anymore", he opened the coat to show him. His enchanted eyes revealed that he was telling the truth. "I gave them all away when I was in your position. Only that way the story can find an ending."

"But that would mean that I can keep the Inaji."

"I can keep the Inaji. You have to be patient. Look, I gave them away when it was my turn, so it already happened. It's not like you have a choice."

"Yes, that makes sense." He walked up the steps and handed him the last of his crystals.

"Now I'm powerless."

"Not for very long."

"Not long indeed!", the Doctor swooped through the door of the Tardis, "I see you two already met."

"The worst part of this joke is, that I will have to hear it twice."

"Ho-Ho! A critique! Alright, folks, let's spin this like the Groundbreaker record."

His joke was met by bored looks of two blue skin Lizard mages.

"What? It's really good."

Pinkie stood in the door and cheered, "Can I come?"

"Pinkie!", the Doctor waved her in, "Of course, you crazy Pony ... god thing", while he was switching levers and pushing switches on the console. "Finally some life in this room." He looked at Rex who rolled his eyes. "No offense."

Pinkie joined them on the bridge and smiled, loaded with anticipation. "Allons-y or Geronimo?", she asked.

"Be my guest."

"In that case, Cowabunga!"

"Oh, that's a good one." He pushed the last lever up to eleven and the buzzing noise of the machinery returned.

From the outside it looked like the blue box was vanishing into thin air. The last thing that faded was the light on the top that twinkled a last goodbye.

Cameron shrugged disappointed. "What was that about?"

But the next second, he lost his memory. The Planet returned to the state of a few days ago. The time spell drowned the world and stole away all harm that Rex had caused upon it.