The Game Is Ahoof

by anonpencil

Rating: everyone
Tags: Derpy Hooves, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Mayor Mare, Other, Mystery, Comedy, Rarity
Length: 2269

Rarity and Derpy run a detective agency that's gained quite a bit of fame. So much fame, in fact, that even the Mayor pays them a visit when she finds herself in trouble...

It's just another day at Rarity and Derpy's small detective agency. They're waiting for their next big case when who should arrive but Mayor Mare! It seems she has a bit of a problem, and needs their help to solve a mystery. Can Rarity figure it all out with her usual ease and grace?
Was it even in question, Darling?

(Based in style and form on The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes)

Written as a commission for the wonderful Olden Bronie, who I hope loves reading this as much as I loved writing this.

Published 2018-10-22 19:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2018-10-22 19:50:02 UTC

The Sign Of The Horse

~*~

Rarity sat at her desk, examining the morning’s newspaper with a calculating eye. It had been a quiet morning thusfar, but she knew that wouldn’t last. There was always someone coming to her door before noon, usually her friend and business partner, with a new problem to solve, a mystery to unravel. Not that she hated it, by any means, but it had become a predictable clockwork. She could practically count down the minutes until…

Sure enough, the door to her office clicked open, and her business partner, Derpy Hooves stumbled in. Rarity couldn’t help but smirk. Right on schedule.

“Good morning Rarity!” the gray mare chirped brightly. “It’s a beautiful one, isn’t it?”

“Much the same as any other,” Rarity said with an easy sigh. “Tell me, any news of a new case today?”

Derpy shook her head, one of her golden eyes focusing on Rarity, and the other swinging wildly towards the far wall.

“Not yet, no.”

“Ah well, it’s only a matter of time,” Rarity said. “There’s always some new crime or problem happening for us to solve. I’d have a seat, my dear Derpy. I suspect we will not have to wait long.”

Derpy walked clumsily over to her small, disheveled desk, and sat heavily into the chair behind it. The wind from her movement set several unorganized papers on her desk into the air. She tried to snatch them out of the air again, and missed most of them several times. Rarity tsked good-naturedly.

“Someday you are going to have to clean that desk of yours,” she said chidingly. “I cannot imagine how you find anything there.”

Derpy shrugged.

“I have everything played out so I can see it. It’s kind of… organized like my mind is organized. I like to make notes on everything.”

Rarity glanced down at the paper-littered desk, then back up at her friend and companion.

“I can see that.”

Derpy offered her a bright, satisfied smile.

“Not all of us can be so organized mentally and physically as you, Rarity,” she said. “That’s why I’m your assistant, not lead detective.”

“Tut my dear,” Rarity said. “You keep learning about deductive reasoning under my tutelage and you just might make a competent detective someday. You're already a more than competent friend.”

“Gee, thanks!”

As if on cue, there was a sudden, urgent knocking on the door to their office.

“Ah,” Derpy said, clapping her front hooves together. “That could be our first case of the day!”

“Indeed I’d say you’re right,” Rarity said with a nod. “In fact, I would wager a guess that, should you open that door for us, you will find one Mayor Mare with a tricky little problem for us to untangle.”

Derpy blinked at Rarity, her eyes aligning back to normal for a second in surprise. Then, she climbed shakily to her feet and wove her way over to the door. She opened it, then stood back beaming at her business partner, as Mayor Mare stepped into the office.

“Mayor Mare, just as you suggested!” Derpy exclaimed in open surprise. “How ever did you do it, Rarity?”

“It was a simple deduction, my dear Derpy,” Rarity said lightly. “I read in the morning paper that Mayor Mare was dealing with allegations of taking bribes, and that she was going to be speaking before the press today at nine. It is now ten o’clock, and that would give her exactly enough time to say her piece, answer only a few select questions from press members selected by her assistant, and get over here straight away. It could have been someone else and the timing could have been a coincidence, but there were too many details that lined up for it to be mere happenstance.”

“Astounding!” exclaimed Derpy. “Truly yours is the finest detective intellect in Equestria!”

“And that’s precisely why I’m here,” Mayor Mare said, stepping inside and beckoning her small brown-maned assistant mare in after her.

Derpy shut the door behind them, and gestured the pair towards a comfy looking plush chair in front of Rarity’s desk. The mayor took a seat, and her assistant remained standing. A pad of paper hovered in front of her, both the notepad and her horn glowing a pale blue. Rarity waited for the mayor to be settled, then put on her most polite smile.

“Well, I am all ears, Darlings. Derpy, would you be a dear and pour us all a spot of tea?”

Derpy nodded eagerly, her eyes spinning wildly, before she turned to attempt setting up a tray of Earl Grey.

“Thank you,” the Mayor said to both her hosts, then cleared her throat and took a more official tone. “It is as you say, I am being accused of a most terrible crime. Stealing bits from the town treasury no less, and that those bits were slipped to me as bribes from some other local politicians! It’s all really very outrageous!”

Rarity studied the blustery sounding mare in front of her, thunder smile twitched into a slightly darker one.

“Except it’s not that outrageous, is it Ms. Mayor?”

The mayor sputtered in obvious indignation.

“I beg your pardon?!” she nearly shouted.

“Keep your voice calm, the walls are a bit thin here,” Rarity said calmly, as if the aggressive tone from the Mayor was hardly noted. “And yes, unless I miss my guess, you have come to me not to try to find a better way of public-relationsing this away. Instead, there is some glimmer of truth to this tale, and you need help extracting yourself from the situation. Am I wrong?”

The mayor, her assistant, and Derpy all gawked at Rarity. Derpy nearly dropped the tea tray, but steadied herself at the last minute. The mayor at last shut her mouth and shifted uneasily in her chair. Rarity gave an annoyed roll of her eyes.

“Come now Mayor,” Rarity said scornfully. “If you wish to have my help I will require complete honesty. I will not say anything to the press, as what we say is held in legal confidentiality. And I am not here to judge or punish you, simply to do what I do. And that is to solve mysteries, which I assume you have one of.”

After a heavy pause, the mayor gave a sigh and dropped her chin to her chest. She reached out her hoof towards Derpy, and the gray pegasus quickly swayed over and placed a fresh cup of tea into her waiting grasp.

“As usual, you’re right,” she groaned. “But I’m not taking bribes!”

Rarity gestured openly with one hoof for the mayor to continue. The mare took a sip, then went on.

“I had no choice but to take the money from the treasury,” she said brokenly. “I had to. I was taking the money myself, I wasn't given any as payment.”

“I thought not,” Rarity said. “Instead, isn’t it true that someone is blackmailing you into doing that?”

Mayor Mare blinked.

“But how did you—”

“It’s quite simple,” Rarity said, her smile returning. “You would not have come to me if there was not someone to find, and if it was a matter of threats, you would simply have gone to the authorities. No, this is someone who has some sort of dirt on you, and you were caught stealing because as prestigious as a mayor’s job is, it isn’t a very high paying one. Isn’t that right?”

Again, a room of open mouths gawked at her. Rarity couldn’t help but smirk in self-satisfaction. Not only was she good at her job, but she enjoyed it as well. Derpy too was smiling now, and Rarity threw her a quick wink. The gray mare wasn’t as brainy as she was, not as quick witted, but she was kind and offered a valuable sounding board. She was a dear friend, and her constant compliments certainly didn’t hurt Rarity’s ego.

“It’s just as you say!” Mayor Mare exclaimed. “That’s why I need your help. I need to find out who this pony blackmailing me is so that I can stop them without my secrets being revealed to the press!”

Rarity looked hard at the mayor, then gave Derpy a glad smile as she accepted a cup of tea from her. Derpy offered it to the assistant, but the mare politely shook her off and continued to scribble on her note pad. After a long moment, Rarity nodded curtly.

“I hate to ask, Mayor dear, but what exactly is your secret?”

The mayor looked obviously uncomfortable, and shut her mouth like she would refuse to say. Then, her eyes darted around the room and she lowered her head. She shut her eyes, took a deep breath, and spoke evenly as she breathed out.

“I have always dyed my mane, to look more official, but now I find I am losing may fur entirely because of a reaction I had to the dye. I’ve had to get extensive hair replacements all over my body, and I still take supplements to this day to keep the hair growing. Some of them are… not entirely legal.”

Derpy stifled a laugh, and Rarity merely nodded.

“I see why you would want to keep that a secret,” she said. “Tell me, does anyone know?”

The mayor shook her head.

“Only my doctor, and I have the highest confidence in him. I have no clue who it could be!”

All at once, Rarity let out a sharp laugh.

“Well you are lucky you came to me, Darling, because I have solved your case.”

“H-have you really?” Mayor Mare nearly shouted.

“A little more quiet, dear, the thin walls, remember?”

“Right but… how?”

“Yes, how?” Derpy added enthusiastically, leaning forward and clutching the tea tray.

“Well,” Rarity said confidently. “I would wager a guess that your doctor is specifically for hair and fur issues. A specialist, correct?”

Mayor mare paused, then gave a nod.

“So, anyone who knew you were going to that doctor could easily make a blackmail letter implying they knew exactly your problem without knowing exactly the issue. Might I guess that the letter you received said something like ‘give me bits or I will reveal your hairy little secret, and you’ll be left bare before the world,’ you know, or some such thing.”

Mayor Mare breathed in sharply.

“Astounding!”

“Well then,” Rarity went on. “There’s only one pony who could have done it! Somepony who knows your schedule inside and out, who makes your appointments for you, even if they don’t know what for. And she’s right here in this room.”

Every eye, except for one of Derpy’s, quickly turned to the Mayor’s assistant. The mare’s horn stopped glowing blue, and the pad of paper fell to the floor. She opened her mouth, going deeply pale, but then shut it and her entire body seemed to sag. She mayor pressed a hoof to her chest, and looked as if she might cry.

“But… why?” she said, voice trembling.

Her assistant shrugged.

“Well, mayors don’t make a lot of money,” she said sullenly. “But assistants make even less.”

“I’d wager,” Rarity broke in. “That you haven’t had a raise since the start of the mayor’s term?”

The assistant nodded glumly.

“Well then, it seems to me we have two options,” Rarity went on. “You can either turn this young mare into the authorities and risk her leaking your fur affliction to the public, or…”

“Or?” Derpy chirped in eager anticipation.

“Or, you can offer your assistant a modest raise, and she can return every single bit to the treasury, and tell the press it was all a clerical error. No bribing happening. Frankly, I think she ought to be punished, but by your expression, Mayor, this young lady seems to mean a lot to you.”

Sure enough, both Mayor and assistant were tearing up as they glanced to each other and away again. As last, the mayor raised a hoof and rested it warmly on her assistant’s shoulder.

“You’re right again. This assistant is actually my niece, and… I could not bare to see her behind bars. What do you say, can we set this right? Without involving the press, or the police?”

The assistant looked up, eyes brimming with tears, then nodded. Then, she lunged towards the mayor, and the two embraced.

“I’m sorry Aunt Mare!” the younger mare whimpered.

Rarity smiled at the loving display, and she was soon caught up in a hug of her own. She stifled a bell-like laugh as Derpy caught her in a tight squeeze, as she often did at the end of their cases. The gray mare was looking up at her, and slightly away from her, with a massive grin on her face.

“You’ve done it again, Rarity!” she said. “You cracked the case, without leaving your office. I don’t know how you always manage it!”

Rarity gave her another wink, and hugged her back.

“Ah, it was elementary, my dear Derpy,” she said.

-END-

Author's Note

This was fun. I had so much fun. AAAAAH I love Sherlock Holmes and this was the perfect opportunity to write something in this style, which is why I definitely went overboard. I just hope a certain commissioner enjoyed it as much as I did, and that you liked it too.

This story was commissioned by Olden Bronie, and I'm so glad he did. If you'd like to commission me as well, check my user page and blogs to see if I'm still open to them! :)

-pencil