Or, Not Really a Displaced Story
Why Sunset Shimmer Got a Week’s Detention
by Kris Overstreet
The decorations hung from the walls of Canterlot High, bats and spiderwebs and crescent moons and jack o’lanterns and anything else that might lend a spooky air to the school. The Costume Carnival was only a couple of hours away, and the student body, having gone all-out to bring the spirit of the fall season to life, had now all gone out to put on their costumes. For a brief time, the halls lay almost silent, with only a couple of bootsteps going click-clack, click-clack, click-clack.
The boots belonged to Vice-Principal Luna, who had already changed into her costume.
Every year Celestia and Luna joined in the fun, wearing their own costumes along with the students… and, every year, none of the students noticed Luna. She couldn’t understand why. Celestia had the kind of face that made any costume that didn’t include a mask turn into a fairy princess or fairy godmother costume- and masks were against the dress code. Once Celestia had dressed in a space suit, and become Fairy Princess Astronaut. Another year she’d put on clown makeup and big floppy shoes, and the result had been Merry Fairy Clown Godmother. Last year she’d dressed up as a serial killer from a popular horror movie franchise, and everyone had complimented her on her magical fairy chainsaw.
But whatever the costume or its failing to conceal the person underneath, Celestia always got rushed by students and faculty. “Oh, you look lovely this year!” “That’s such an adorable costume!” “How do you do it?” And so on. Meanwhile, Luna put in the same effort, and she seldom got any more notice than a perfunctory, “Oh, hello, Miss Luna, nice costume,” from an occasional student.
Well, not this year. This year would be different…
… because this year Luna had decided to phone it in. Why spend a huge wad of money for an outfit you’d wear only once if nobody cared?
Instead she’d dug out an outfit from her college days, when she’d dabbled in a metal rock band. The old Vicolt helmet (historically accurate- no horns, but a large nose guard) hadn’t rusted a bit. The cape still glittered like stars at midnight. She’d dropped a few dollars for new plastic fangs and cheap cat-eye contacts, because the old ones had become gross while in storage. But the glow-in-the-dark hair extensions had held up well.
And, of course, the leather armor, leggings and platform boots, accented with large strips of steel-blue metal painted with crescent moons, still fit… mostly. There was a little chafing and pinching around the waist, but after ten years what could you expect? At least the outfit hadn’t gotten moldy in the attic after all that time.
“Oh, dear.”
Luna hissed. Glenda the Good Fairy, alias her sister Celestia, had come to critique her choice.
“I really had hoped you’d put that rebel look away for good,” Principal Celestia said, stepping out of her office wearing… well… on anyone else it would have been a SWAT officer’s tactical gear. But the shirt under the armor was a tasteful teal. The vest of many pockets glittered. The ammo pouches and straps held packets of various kinds of candy. And although there was indeed a replica automatic rifle, it was, in deference to school rules, plastic… and blindingly pink.
And no SWAT officer wearing a helmet and goggles ever had hair that perfect underneath it.
“You say that to me,” Luna commented, pointing up and down at the Princess Forcible Entry outfit, “wearing that. I say, stick it to the Man!”
Celestia rolled her eyes. “Yes, yes, point made,” she said. “But couldn’t you have at least tried something new?”
“I could,” Luna admitted. “Or I could have saved seventy-five dollars on an outfit nobody would notice anyway. Which I did.”
“I notice,” Celestia protested. “I thought you were a very good witch last year.”
“I was a blackbird,” Luna muttered. “An actual bird. The talon-boots and the big beak should have been a hint.”
“Er… some witches have talons,” Celestia said. “Baba Yaga, for example…”
Luna shook her head. “I’m going outside to greet the students,” she said. “Try not to forget about the right to remain silent and the right to three wishes.”
At five in the afternoon the courtyard of Canterlot High lay deserted. That suited Luna just fine. At least it lay deserted by a certain older sister. And possibly, just possibly, some student might pass by and be impressed, surprised… to be honest, Luna would be happy with even an expression of derision. Mockery would be better than indifference.
In fact, the only person anywhere in sight at the moment was Sunset Shimmer, who stood by the Wondercolt statue on its great mirrored plinth, tapping her feet impatiently. That… was inconvenient. Even on a good day Sunset Shimmer wasn’t likely to have anything to do with Luna if she could help it. Obviously this day was not a good day, judging by how the tapping was accelerating. Going out there now would just be awkward for the both of them.
Rather than lean against the statue as she’d originally intended, Luna ducked around the foot of the staircase in front of the main doors, out of sight. A few moments later she heard an “oof” sound, and then faint voices.
“… sorry I’m late! I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this…”
“It is a wild ride, isn’t it?”
“But thank you for inviting me to this Costume Carnival! It’s so much like Nightmare Nights on our side of the portal! I can’t wait to see the differences! This could totally upend Garrulous Long’s theory on the cultural shifts of parallel worlds!”
“Twilight, I invited you over here to have fun, not to bury yourself in notes.”
“But burying myself in notes IS fun!”
“You really are just like our Twilight. Come on. Rarity’s got your costume waiting. You and Sci-Twi are going to dress as a couple of creepy ghost twin girls from an old horror movie.”
The voices faded away, and Luna sighed in relief. It sounded like Sunset was up to more magic-related shenanigans. She didn’t want any part of that. She just hoped, whatever it was, it didn’t leave holes in the school building again. Or in the athletic field. Or in the fabric of reality. Again.
She looked out of her cubbyhole beside the stairs and saw the courtyard now completely empty. And there was the statue, with its base just asking for an emo college student plus ten years to help prop it up.
Her boots clacked loudly on the concrete as she walked over. Her leather rustled as she shrugged, finding the coolest possible I-don’t-care-what-you-think pose to be caught in. This done, she flopped backwards towards one of the thick mirrors that ringed the statue’s base.
The glass parted like water, and Vice-Principal Luna kept right on going.
Against her better judgment, Twilight Sparkle had allowed Princess Celestia and Princess Luna to send her a couple of royal guards to watch the Castle of Friendship while she was gone. This, despite the fact that Starlight Glimmer and Spike had both taken a pass on a visit to the mirror world so they could prepare for their own Nightmare Nights celebrations a few days later. Twilight told Celestia the guards wouldn’t be necessary, and privately she thought they wouldn’t be useful.
As the post-incident reports show, both Twilight’s beliefs were correct.
Quoting from the report of Private Door Warden: “I heard a loud thumping sound in the princess’s private laboratory- you know, the one we’re supposed to keep everypony out of- and went to investigate. As I approached the door I heard more clattering and thumping, and I decided that despite standing orders it was my duty to protect the property of the princess from damage.
“When I opened the door there facing me stood Nightmare Moon! She was rearing on her hind legs, reaching her forelegs towards me, all the while laughing, 'Ah ha ha ha ha!' Having ascertained that this foe was completely beyond me, I conducted a tactical redeployment at speed in order to reconnect with friendly forces.”
What actually happened went more like this…
Luna didn’t know how she’d got turned around in that bizarre, dizzying place where everything twisted and knotted, but somehow when her fall completed itself it came chin-first. The bells and stars that assailed her senses after that took a poor second place to the terrifying disorientation of just before. She embraced her pain, took it in and made it a part of her and let it flow through her. And when it was gone, she remained…
… to be specific, she remained in full possession of her teeth, though a quick check with her tongue revealed they were a different shape than she remembered. She also remained on the floor- a very cold, marble-like floor, and definitely not the rough concrete of the sidewalk in front of Canterlot High.
It was a nice floor. It wasn’t a whirlpool of light and force and whatever that felt like it was turning you inside out. Luna really, really liked that floor, and she decided to hug it.
It was at that point that she discovered that eight of her fingers had apparently vanished.
“What the…”
Luna brought one arm forward. It turned in… ways… that felt like nothing she was familiar with. And what it brought forth… wasn’t a hand at all, much less her hand. Whatever it was, it was wearing some sort of armored shoe. It vaguely resembled the boots of her costume, with some kind of night-black limb stuck into the top.
Startled by the sight of the thing attached to her body which quite definitely was not a hand, Luna tried to push herself up to a sitting position with her other arm. It slid out from under her on the slick marble, and Luna was treated to an encore performance of the bells and stars. Her second attempt, made with more caution, got her to a seated position where she could see both her hands…
… or, to be more accurate, none of her hands. Both her arms ended in boots, if boots was the right thing for a garment worn on what Luna’s sense of touch kept telling her was her middle fingers.
All right. Calm. Calmness. Calmitude. Do not panic. Someone has taken your hands and replaced them with weird mutant feet. And, for some reason, your skin has turned black instead of purple. Noticing something, she reached over with one boot and rubbed the other arm. Oh, and your skin is apparently also covered with a fine layer of fur. These are all very strange, but doubtless there is a sensible explanation.
Luna paused, remembered Sunset Shimmer and the One-of-the-Twilights, and shrugged. Magic shenanigans. Again. I shall have words with my wayward student when I get back from wherever this is.
But first things first. I need to get on my feet. I don’t feel as dizzy now… so if I just reach over to this table, here… yes… and pull myself up like so-
The wooden worktable, though sturdy, had never before encountered the strength of an alicorn who didn’t realize she had that strength. It snapped in two, and Luna flopped forward into the splintery remains.
Ouch. Ouch, ouch.
It took a few more attempts, and the destruction of a couple other pieces of furniture, but Luna finally got to a standing position… only to discover that her body didn’t much care to be vertical. Her back resisted straightening fully upright, and her feet felt considerably smaller in proportion to the rest of her. But, despite the continuous effort required to remain upright, Luna set her sights on the next stage of her plan: the closed door at the end of the room.
Wobbly step by wobbly step, Luna cautiously made her way across the crystal floor. She paid no attention to the walls full of books, the bizarre equipment surrounding a prominent horseshoe-framed mirror, or anything else except that door. “Easy… eeeasy… whoa… whooooooa… ah ah ah… whoops… whooooooa…”
She was about six feet from the door when it opened to reveal the mascot animal for the Romane Legion in the doorframe. Its eyes, already enormous, grew even wider under its huge ridiculous armored helmet as it stared up at her.
And, of course, in looking down at the adorable legion-pony, Luna had automatically leaned a bit forward. The tenuous balance she’d maintained vanished. “Ah, ah, ah, ah, ahahahahahah-“ she gasped, wobbling her wrongly-rigged upper limbs as she stumbled forward towards Little Mister Brushforahat.
“It’s NIGHTMARE MOON!!” the pony centurion shouted. “RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! AIIIIIEEE!!” That said, the pony turned tail and fled, hooves pounding (and occasionally skidding) across the glassy crystal floor.
A moment later, unnoticed by the retreating guard pony, Luna flopped forward, trying (and failing) to catch her fall with her arms. Her forehooves (for that is what they were now, Luna’s confusion notwithstanding) went in opposite directions the moment they hit the surface, and once again Luna’s jaw made close and personal contact with the floor.
This time, the bells and stars having requested a tea break, Luna was treated to a minute or two of blessed unconsciousness.
“Miss Glimmer! Miss Glimmer!”
Starlight Glimmer looked up from her jack o’lantern in progress. “Door, what is it?” she asked. “Calm down, it’s just the four of us in here.”
“No, ma’am!” the terrified guard said, skidding to a halt and giving a salute so momentary it might have been an optical illusion caused by his full-body trembling. “Nightmare Moon is in the castle! We need reinforcements!!”
Starlight Glimmer sighed, setting down the carving knife she’d been using to carefully sculpt away bits of pumpkin. “Door Warden, you came here yesterday from Canterlot, right? Straight from the royal palace?”
“Yes, ma’am, but-“
“And when you left, Princess Luna was still there, right?”
“Yes, but ma’am, please-“
“And she was not muttering to herself in the hallways, going ‘nya ha ha’ or ‘I’ll show them all’ or ‘this world is corrupt’ or anything like that, was she?”
“No ma’am, but that doesn’t change the fact that Nightmare Moon is in this castle right this very minute, ma’am!!”
The unicorn sighed again. “Granted that I wasn’t paying particular attention when it happened,” she said, “being busy putting really bad ideas into operation at the time, I seem to remember that Nightmare Moon was Luna. Or vice versa. Whichever. Which means that if she is in Canterlot, then she also cannot be-“
A voice echoed from the hallways, dripping with malice and hate. It said: “Excuse me? Someone? Anyone? Is anyone there? I’d like some help... and some aspirin… how does anybody find anything in this- whoops!” There followed a thud and a crash.
Starlight froze, her own eyes going as wide as the guard’s. “I know that voice,” she gasped. “I’ve heard it before! It IS Nightmare Moon!”
“Yes, ma’am!”
Starlight shuddered and looked at Spike, who had been nibbling bits of pumpkin rind. “Spike, take a letter, please,” she said. “Dear Princess Luna: one of the guards you sent us reports Nightmare Moon is in the castle. Assuming this is not you, please come help us at once! Sincerely yours, Starlight Glimmer and Spike.”
“Sincerely… yours… uh huh… uh huh.” Spike, who had many years of experience in never being out of reach of scrolls and quills, finished writing the message and, in a puff of fire, sent it on its way.
“But ma’am!” Door Warden gasped. “What about us? We need reinforcements!”
“Right. Spike, go round up the girls.” She looked at Door Warden. “We just need to buy time until Princess Luna gets here. And I’ve fought an alicorn to a draw before.”
Yeah, she thought, because I was the bad guy, I had set the trap, and Twilight Sparkle had to play by the rules of morality. The alicorn in the hall right now isn’t going to play Miss Nice Filly.
Trying not to let her knees knock, Starlight Glimmer led Door Warden and his fellow guard pony out in search of the ultimate evil roaming the castle corridors.
The ultimate evil which usually lurked in the detention room of Canterlot High had found the castle music room, where she sat on her haunches, dumbfounded at the sight before her. (A little practice had accustomed her to walking on all fours the way her body wanted to, even if it did feel like half her weight was on two fingertips. This time she’d fallen down not because of clumsiness or slick floors, but out of shock.)
On display cases and racks lay various instruments- most familiar, but a couple (like the double-belled trumpet-like device) strangely alien. But, on the back wall, lit up by a shaft of light from a window in the ceiling, there hung… IT.
Oh my goodness, Luna thought. That can’t be what I think it is.
Slowly, carefully, she got back onto four hooves and walked forward, cautiously, even reverently, towards that one instrument. Six strings ran down a long neck and across a solid wooden body, running over electronic pickups built into that body. Fancy inlays emphasized the sharp angles of the body, a body designed to bear as little resemblance to a lute or acoustic guitar as possible.
It is. It’s a genuine original Star Swirl. It’s like Saddlevarius… except for rock. I never thought I’d see one in my entire life.
There were a couple of things wonky with it. There were a couple of extra dials and levers on the body. There was no amp cord, nor any jacks for amps or power or anything. But in every other detail, it was a perfect example of the most legendary make of electric guitars. It even had the Star Swirl logo on the bottom of the body.
An odd thought came to Luna: I wonder if I can still play like this?
The first chord, if such chaos can be called such, told Starlight Glimmer and her army of two exactly where Nightmare Moon was. “She’s in the music room!” she said. “This way!”
As the three ponies ran, the chords began running experimentally up and down, growing a bit cleaner and more musical if not actually more pleasant. To Starlight it sounded like someone had put a microphone up to a record player bell, and then put another microphone up to the speaker of the first microphone, and then repeated the recursion a few more times. The effect was electric in every conceivable negative sense.
And then the chords became arpeggios, slow and careful at first, then fast, ripping and grinding chords and notes with a total abandon of subtlety.
As later recounted in Door Warden’s after-action report, which as a work of fiction is an exemplar of the genre:
“When we found the Nightmare, she towered over us, mocking us by employing the musical instruments of Princess Twilight Sparkle’s collection for our torture. Eventually tiring of this, she set aside the guitar used by Star Swirl in his battles with the Sirens and attempted to sway Starlight Glimmer to an alliance with evil. When Miss Glimmer spurned this offer, battle was joined.”
In reality, Principal Luna didn’t notice the three ponies arriving. After a few false starts, she’d discovered that, even with the strange boots on, her hooves did just as well with this guitar as her hands would have done, with the further advantage of not having to hold on to a pick. She’d gone on to the chords every guitar player of her generation learned, and then moved on to the licks she’d used back in the days of Moon Princess and the Nightmares.
To her the guitar sang. It didn’t seem to mind that its performer was having to improvise using the sharp corners of her horseshoes to hit the frets and pluck the strings. It took no notice of the total lack of amplifier or electricity. It roared its primal yawp at the world in the key of D…
… until the B string broke with a discordant jangle.
Luna glanced at the guitar with genuine sadness in her heart. To hold a genuine Star Swirl… to thrash mightily with it… this would be a treasured memory for-
“Hold it right there, N-Nightmare Moon!”
Finally Luna took notice of the three ponies standing in the doorway. There was that poor Romane mascot with a friend of his, plus a violet unicorn with a slight case of nerves. (For whatever reason, the idea of talking ponies bothered her not at all. After all, she had hooves now, apparently, and she could talk, so why shouldn’t they?)
Oops, she thought. And I’ve just messed up their incredibly valuable guitar. As sister would say, this is not the way to make a good first impression.
“I beg your pardon,” Luna said, carefully setting the guitar back in its spot of honor on the wall, broken string dangling pathetically. “I’m afraid I got a bit lost somehow. If you could take me back where I came from, I would be most appreciative.” Putting herself back on all four legs, she began walking towards the three smaller ponies.
“Not another step!” Flinching, the unicorn sent a ball of light flying towards Luna. Startled, she closed her eyes and flinched…
… and felt something hit something about a foot in front of her face. There was a sensation of rebound, as if she’d just hit a ball with a tennis racquet.
“Miss Glimmer!”
When she opened her eyes, Luna saw the unicorn, mane askew, flattened against the far wall of the corridor, head wobbling, eyes rolling in a dazed expression.
“We have to stop her!” one Romane pony said to the other. Only then did she notice the horns, half-hidden by the stupid brush-crested helmets, pointing straight at her. More balls of light flew in her vague direction, though none were as well aimed as the first shot. Display case glass shattered. A set of bagpipes took a direct hit, inflated, and exploded with a final despairing whine.
Luna reared up and spread her forelimbs (and, though she didn’t realize it, her wings). “STOP IT!” she shouted in a voice that seemed to come from halfway between her lungs and the next continent over. “You’ll hit the guitar!!”
The force of her shout sent the two guards spinning out into the corridor. A moment later, midnight-blue blasts of magic struck at them, and they scrambled to grab their unicorn friend and drag her away at top speed.
But the blue magic lasers continued to fire. Luna thrashed her head. “Where’s it coming from?” she asked nobody. As she turned to look, so did the lasers, causing more destruction among the music room exhibits.
Then, in an instant, realization struck: the lasers were coming from her head.
“AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!” she screamed, scrambling out of the music room as fast as her uncertain hooves could carry her. “MY HEAD’S ON FIRE! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOOOOOP!!!”
The transformed alicorn demon ran through the halls of the castle, out-of-control magic blasting walls, ceiling, windows, and décor all the way.
“I’m all right,” Starlight moaned, pushing away the guards with one hoof. “Shield spell just rebounded my own magic back at me.”
The three ponies shuddered as, not nearly far enough away, something went boom.
“Miss Glimmer, we have to evacuate,” Door Warden said. “We can’t defeat her. If she keeps this up she’ll destroy the castle from the inside out!”
“I’m not… ugh! Not giving up yet!” Starlight grunted, sitting up and then rolling to her hooves. “All we have to do is hold out until Princess Luna arrives!”
Princess Luna’s teleport spell lit up the map room like a million stars. “I am here, Starlight!” she said, adjusting her armor slightly with one hoof. “Where is the… Starlight?” She looked around the empty chamber, seeing no pony but herself. “Where is everypony?”
The sounds of magic blasts striking the interior walls caught her attention. “Oh, my goodness!” she gasped, running for the door leading to the corridors. She threw it open, and the sounds of spells going bang grew louder, joined by another sound… the sound of a deep-throated female voice screaming.
And then flashes of light shone from the corridor to Luna’s right. She took a step back into the doorway just as several bolts flew wildly at random.
And then Nightmare Moon, or something looking very much like her, ran past, screaming, “AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!” as uncontrolled magic flew from her horn.
Princess Luna sighed, reached out with her magic, and picked up her panicking doppelganger, levitating her back down the corridor towards her. A second flick of magic spanged dead on into the nightmare’s horn, and the lasers ceased.
Pony eyes stared into slit-pupilled demon eyes.
“So,” Princess Luna said, “what is the meaning of-“
The nightmare wrapped her forelegs around Luna and hugged her tight. “Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!” she gasped. “Thank goodness that’s over! Now can I please go home?? Will you help me go home?”
Princess Luna gently set the nightmare down. “First,” she said, “I would like an explanation. Please start from the beginning.”
One more excerpt from Door Warden’s report: “After reviving Miss Glimmer from the nightmare’s dastardly attack, we went to the aid of Princess Luna, who, having arrived, had subdued the Nightmare. With the assistance of Miss Glimmer, Nightmare Moon was banished once more, and it is to be hoped, never to return.”
In reality the “banishment” resulted in a human-shaped Starlight Glimmer leading a frazzled Vice-Principal Luna out of the mirror portal, right in front of a group of students just arriving for the Costume Carnival. The weary Luna spotted the unique flame-colored hair of one of them, stiffened, and called out in a voice that had echoes of Royal Canterlot in it, “Sunset Shimmer, come here at once!”
The eight girls froze- yes, Luna noted, including not one but two identically dressed Twilight Sparkles. Sunset stepped forward, smiling nervously. “Vice-Principal Luna!” she said. “That’s a really… interesting…”
One of the Twilights interrupted, saying, “I thought you told me this side of the mirror didn’t have a Nightmare Moon!”
The other Twilight whispered, “This isn’t a good time…”
“Miss Shimmer,” Vice-Principal Luna hissed, “you will report to detention for one week beginning Monday. By Friday I expect to see a ten thousand word report on my desk detailing exactly why we do not leave magical portals open to dimensions full of magical horses-“
“Ponies,” Starlight Glimmer corrected from beside Luna.
“Er...” Luna stumbled over the interruption, then began again. “Detailing why we do not leave magical portals open when not in use!” With a sniff she added, “And after what I’ve just been through, you’re lucky it’s not two weeks!”
“Er… yes, ma’am,” Sunset said cautiously. “Why isn’t it two weeks?”
“Because I got to play a genuine Star Swirl,” Luna said. “Now please excuse me while I clean up from… while I clean up.” That said, Luna dropped to all fours for a few steps, remembered where she was, and stood properly upright again, flexing her fingers with pleasure as she strode off into the school building.
One of the Twilights went wide-eyed. “She… she touched Star Swirl the Bearded’s prototype guitar?” she gasped.
“Um… she might have broken a string?” Starlight Glimmer admitted.
The other Twilight handed a paper bag to her counterpart. “Here,” she said. “You’re going to need this.”
The first Twilight nodded thanks as she began breathing frantically into the bag.
Author's Note
A bit rushed, and simple, shallow farce, but I didn't want to let FoME's Villain Exchange Program contest go by without an entry, even if I was less than inspired this time around. (Seriously, this was the only thing that came to mind.)
And yes, for this story I used the (now mostly Jossed) bit from the comics about Star Swirl inventing most of Equestrian music in order to battle the Sirens. Think of him, in this context, as Equestria's Les Paul.
And props to Tumbleweed, who (AFAIK) first came up with Rock Star Luna.
