a bronys dream come true

I'm a new FanFic Writer and i want good comments to motovate me :)

it was a nice morning on Earth, it was a normal life. you have an attitude you get punished, you get good grades you get an award. but one day that all changed. there was a booming thunder storm, my dog was barking like crazy! i was in the living room, looking at the storm clouds with wonder. "wow!" i thought astonished. i wanted to go out side but it looked so dangerous. then i thought of an idea, i could go out my window. as i started to climb up my window i saw a twister heading strait twords my house. "TWISTER!!!" i shouted as everyone ran to my room. they all looked out my window and saw the spinning vortex of air. "AHHHHH!" they all yelled as they ran out the door. "Wait!" i screamed as i followed. but i just noticed they were inside and the door was locked "HELP!!!" i screamed. but they couldn't here me through the air. i started getting sucked in to the vacuum of air, i gave up knowing i wouldn't survive the fall from that hight.

i woke up astonished from surviving the storm, but i didn't realise i was in a hospital. but it looked familear, like it was ponyville hospital. "AHHHHHH!!! were am i!" i yelled "well you can talk after you survived that terrible storm" a white pony with a red mane told me "oh, and your in ponyville." she said with a grin. "is this a dream come true." i thought "can i go now." i told the white mare. "yes, you're all healed up!" she told me as i ran out the door,i didn't know i was running at lightning speeds. " wow, it's bigger than on tv." i  said astonished. then a cyan pegasus flew over to me "who are you?" she said. "well my names chanse perkins. "wow never heard that name before." "my names rainbowdash the greatest flier in all of equestria!" she shouted

"wanna have a race, and i'm not taking no for an answer!" she said with a smug look. "fine." i said. "go to the ever free forest at 3:00 sharp" "Ok!" i sais to the rainbow maned pony. When i got to the ever free forest she was there "finally." she said.