It Can't Be True!

by Rainbowfan45

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6
Length: 1211

What happens when Rainbow learns very distressing news?

Rainbow Dash is prevented from getting cider.

Again.

Hilarity ensues.

Published 2018-10-28 01:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-10-28 01:30:01 UTC

The End of Equestria as Rainbow Dash Knows It...kind of.

Author's Note

My take on Dash's response to not getting cider.

I confess, this fic is crazy and probably stupid.

I don't apologise.

Enjoy!

The End of Equestria as Rainbow Dash Knows It...kind of.

"Whoohooooo! Yeah!!! Cider Season!"

Rainbow Dash did a twirl in the air, then shot towards Sweet Apple Acres, a wide and silly grin plastered on her face.

One day a year, the whole town flocked to the Apple farm for a mug or two of fresh, tangy apple cider. Dash made a it a point to try to get there early enough every year to get some of it. And every year fate seemed to decree that she should not have any. Sure, Applejack brought cider to share with her friends other times of the year, especially Hearth's Warming, when it was hot, spiced cider. It wasn't the same as a mug of the freshest cider though.

But this year, she intended to get some. She flew straight to the farm, pulling up short and staring at the massive line of ponies already getting their cider. She growled in frustration. No matter how early she got there, ponies seemed to be there way earlier. She knew some, like Pinkie, camped out on the dirts lane leading to the house overnight.

Speaking of Pinkie...

Dash looked along the line of ponies and spotted the familiar bouncy figure immediately. She was about ten ponies away from getting her cider, and she was bouncing in place excitedly. Dash frowned. She flew down and hovered just above her friend.

"Hey, Pinkie." She greeted her.

"Hiya, Dashie!" Pinkie squealed. "Isn't this so great?? It's cider time again! The Apples make really good cider, don't they? Yum yum yummy! I'm even getting Gummy a little mug all his own this year! He's so excited! Aren't you excited, Gummy?"

Dash looked down at the little green alligator perched on top of Pinkie's head. He looked back, and gave a slow blink.

"Told ya he's excited!" Pinkie giggled.

"Right..." Dash said slowly, fairly sure that nothing could excite the breathing green statue into anything other than an extra blink. Maybe.

"You better get in line, Dashie!" Pinkie told her. "It keeps getting longer!"

Dash sighed and went towards a spot at the very end. Along the way, she passed Rarity, Fluttershy, and Twilight, who had Spike perched on her back. She greeted each one before taking her place.

The line seemed to moved as slow as her pet turtle, and she quickly grew bored and restless. At long last, she finally made it to the stand where Applejack and Apple Bloom were busy giving out cider.

"Well, howdy there, Rainbow Dash!" Applejack greeted her friend. "Come for the cider?"

"No." Dash replied sarcastically. "I came early in the morning and waited in line for hours just so I could say hey and ask how you're liking the weather."

Applejack laughed heartily. "Eeyup. Cider it is."

Dash waited eagerly while Apple Bloom filled a mug and handed it over. She moved a short distance away and stared at the foamy contents, licking her lips in anticipation. She brought the mug to her mouth, preparing to take a sip-

"Rainbow Dash!"

Something crashed into her, knocking the mug from her grasp.

"Nooooo!" She wailed, as it hit the dirt, spilling all the cider contained inside it.

"Um...sorry, Dash..." Scootaloo said slowly.

Dash leaped over to the cider stand.

"AJ! I need another cider, now!" She exclaimed.

Applejack obligingly grabbed a mug and pulled down on the lever of the cider barrel. A drop fell into the waiting mug. That was it. One drop.

"Aw, sorry, Rainbow, looks like we're all out now." Applejack said with a shake of her head.

Dash looked stricken. "Noooooooo!" She shrieked. "You can't be out! Applejack...I NEED CIDER!!!"

"Sorry, Dash, but there just ain't no more."

"Don't you lie to me! There has to be!"

"Rainbow Dash, Ah know you're upset, but Ah ain't lyin'. Element of Honesty, remember?"

Dash let out a wail as she turned to her previous mug. It lay on its side, its contents pooled in the dirt, looking for all the world like a soldier downed in battle.

"You poor, poor cider." Dash moaned. "You never stood a chance. You were so young."

She dropped to the ground and stared at it, tears pooling up, lower lip poking forward in a pout. Her friends approached.

"Let me guess, another year without getting the freshest cider?" Twilight said flatly.

"Eeyup." Applejack replied.

"WHYHYHYYYYYY!" Dash howled. "WHYYYYY?! Why is it always this way?! I want ciderrrrr!"

"Oh, Rainbow Dash, do stop being so ridiculous and get up!" Rarity scolded, shaking her head.

"But...but...cider..." Dash whined.

"There is no use crying over spilled cider, Dash." Twilight put in with the wisdom of a sage.

"But...but..."

"No buts!" Rarity said. "Come on, Rainbow Dash. Get up!"

Dash stood, then sat on her rump and stared forlornly at her fallen mug.

"Why?" She mourned. "Every year. Why? What cruel twist of fate hates me so much? What?"

"Oh for the love of...!" Twilight muttered.

"Now, Rainbow Dash, there will be more completely fresh cider next year." Fluttershy consoled her.

Dash's head snapped up. "Next year?!! But I wanted it nowwwwww!!!" She yowled in a dramatic manner that could easily have rivaled Rarity's.

"Aw, come on, Dashie! Cheer up!" Pinkie said in her usual chipper voice. "It's like Fluttershy said...there's always next year! Although I'm sorry you missed it cause it was really super duper yummy! Gummy really enjoyed it, didn't you, Gummy? Huh? Huh?"

Gummy took an eternity to blink one eye at Dash.

"Curse you, Gummy!" Dash growled. "Why does a toothless scaly green statue get cider and I don't?!"

"Aw, Dashie, don't be mad!" Pinkie giggled. "Turn that frown upside down! Be happy! Sure, you missed out on really yummy, juicy, sweet, tangy, delicious cider, but you van get some next year! If I'd known you were gonna drop yours I'd have given you one of the six I had!"

Dash's eye twitched. "Six ciders?" She managed. "You had six ciders?"

"Yep yep yeppers! And Gummy had four! Course, his were little, but...Dashie, you ok? You're looking funny."

Dash looked crazed. "You had six ciders." She ground out. "Gummy had four. Everypony else had at least one...AND I GOT NONE?!!!"

"Yep! Ooh, I can't wait til next year!" Pinkie bounced in place, causing Gummy to bounce on her head.

"Must...get...cider..." Dash groaned, before attempting to shovel cider soaked dirt into her mouth.

Twilight was able to stop her in time.

"Nooooooooooo!" Dash screamed in protest. "Must have cider! I need cider! Give me cider!!!!"

She started flailing and flopping and doing all sorts of crazy gyrations before uttering a single, agonised wail. She flopped in the dirt and lay there, rocking back and forth.

"Cider. Cider. Cider. That's all I wanted. One cider. Just one." She whimpered.

The others watched for several seconds before Spike spoke up.

"Um, Twilight? Don't you think now would be a good time to tell her I got an extra cider just for her?"

"And spoil our amusement?" She answered with a smirk. "Never. I'll tell her later. This just got good."