Magpie Finds a Grenade

by ChrisTheGamer95

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Random, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1541

When you give a Magpie a grenade... well, I think you know what will happen.

Bored out of her mind while her girlfriend, The Lost Narrator, records her lines for her dramatic readings, Magpie finds a grenade. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

Published 2018-11-03 03:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-11-03 03:20:01 UTC

Throw it Away!

'Twas a bright and shiny day in Ponyville. All was well in that happy little town. Ponies went about their little lives in peace, either tending to their work or simply relishing in the sunlight. All except for Magpie, who was trapped within the confines of her home. This was not by force, but simply a gesture of semi-goodwill. She laid sprawled out on the couch with a bored expression on her face.

Her marefriend, Curse Word, better known as The Lost Narrator, had agreed to take her to Sugar Cube Corner as soon as she had finished recording the lines for her dramatic reading. Needless to say, she had been locked in that room for a very long time.

Magpie blankly stared at the TV in front of her. She wasn't interested in the boring news currently airing on her screen. Even if she wanted to watch something else, she knew that it was virtually impossible without a remote or the willpower to get off of her belly and look for it.

Instead, she had listened to the muffled screams of her cursing marefriend. Admittedly, she was very much amused for the first hour. The colorful language Lost had created in her rage was something to behold. However, this auditory delight was now entering the three hour mark and Magpie was anything but pleased.

Using her magic, Magpie levitated a bowl of cheese crackers over to the arm of the couch and began to crunch on them.

"Ugh, I'm bored" she sighed to nopony in particular, her mouth still full of crackers. "Give me something to do, world..." It was at that exact moment that the TV she had been somewhat watching went to static. "Deus Ex Machina much, world?" she groaned. Her wish may had been granted, but this was not exactly what she had in mind. If anything, Magpie had hoped for something more exciting, such as an explosion going off in the distance, preferably at Guti's house. At least then, she would have something to laugh at again.

Sitting up straight, Magpie reached into the crevasses of the couch with her hoof, trying to find that darn remote. After a fair bit of struggle, she managed to grasp something solid. Magpie brought her hoof out of the couch and held the object up towards the TV. To her surprise, the screen did not return to the news channel, but rather stayed in its static state.

"Huh?" Magpie mused, taking a proper look at the "remote." What she saw was shocking to say the least. Sitting in her hoof was a shiny, dark green grenade. "What the heck? Why was this in there?" They had owned this couch for around two years. Had this "thing" been in the crevasses of this piece of furniture all this time?

"LOST!!!" Magpie shouted at the top of her lungs. A few seconds passed before a slightly muffled "shit" sounded behind her. A devious smile formed across Magpie's face. Perfect.

Charging out of the back room, a thoroughly pissed off Lost Narrator soon stood before her marefriend. "What do you want?" the story teller groaned in annoyance. She had been so ridiculously close to finishing one of her take until Magpie had decided to ruin it.

"Are you done yet? Sugar Cube Corner's gonna close soon!" Magpie whined, much to Lost's dismay.

Raising a hoof to her face, she spoke with an annoyed tone. "For the hundredth time, no! I've already told you that I'm trying to work out all the kinks. Stuff like this takes time."

"But Pinkie promised us usage of our lovers couple coupon!" Magpie waved the said voucher in question in front of Lost. "And for the record, I've only asked thirty-four times."

The Lost Narrator rubbed her temples, trying to calm herself down. She knew that this was a fight she could not win. If she went back to the room again, her marefriend would surely call her out again. If she left for Sugar Cube Corner, her reading wouldn't get out in time. She sighed in defeat, finally coming to a decision.

"Look, if you can give me ten more minutes, I can guarantee that I'll be done by then, alright?"

Magpie put a hoof to her chin and put her best thinking face on. Did she really want to put up with another ten minutes, if not more, spent waiting on the couch for her marefriend to finish recording? She knew from past experience that ten minutes usually equated to thirty. Regardless, she had already decided on her answer a long time ago.

"Fine. But if the times goes over, I will personally have Pinkie Pie herself drag you there kicking and screaming!" Magpie threatened.

The Lost Narrator shuddered, memories of the pink party pony's maniacal laughter resurfacing. Pinkie Pie was an ornery one to say the least. Seeing a mare that is normally so happy and cheerful turn so terrifyingly scary once a promise was broke was certainly a site to behold, lest you be the center of her attention.

Nevertheless, The Lost Narrator soon chuckled. Past experience had taught her that her marefriend rarely went through with her threats. Lost would be lying if she said that there wasn't some enjoyment from her over-the-top reactions. Why not fuel that fire just a little bit more?

"Hey, if that's the game you wanna play, I'll eat that fucking cake I you've been saving for your "special occasion!" Lost taunted. Magpie's scowl grew by the second.

"You're NOT eating that cake! Do you know what I had to do just to earn it!?" the pink unicorn screamed.

"Yes. You drunkenly threw five darts at a moving target, missing each one, and they gave you the cake both out of pity and the fear that you would accidentally hit somepony other than Guti." Lost recalled.

"Well fuck. When you put it like that, it does sound pretty dumb. Magpie scratched her head in embarrassment.

"Yeah... Anyways, I'm going back to finish my lines. Try not to do anything else stupid." Lost turned and started to trot back to the recording room.

That was the last thing Mag wanted to hear. She was already out here and were she to go back into that room, there was no telling of how long she would be in there. If she wanted that ice cream, it was now or never. Taking the grenade out with her magic, she quickly pulls the pin.

"I just took the pin out of this grenade!" she shouted in a smug a tone. This caught Lost's attention rather quickly. Turning around, her eyes focused on the dangerous explosive that was soon to blow.

"Are you fucking crazy!? Look, we'll go to Sugar Cube Corner, just throw that damn thing away!" The Lost Narrator screamed.

Magpie rolled her eyes, seemingly oblivious to the dire situation. "Fine. Jeez, no need to yell." With the flick of her hoof, Magpie threw the pin behind her, still holding the explosive in her hoof. "I know you're a neat freak Nazi, but you don't need to shout at me." Lost's eyes widened in horror at the realization.

"Not the pin, you fucking idiot, the-!"

BOOM!!!

There was no time time to finish before the incoming explosion.

"...and that's how I blew up our house."

GutiuSerenade took a double take as a completely unscathed Magpie finished her story, taking a bite out of her delicious ice cream.

"So, you blew up Lost and your entire home... for ice cream."

"Yep!" Magpie cheerfully replied.

"Hmm... Sounds about right." Guti chuckled. "Did you make sure Lost took the brunt of the explosion? Magpie replied with a firm nod. "That a girl!"

"I hate you all..." Lost groaned from the spare bed she was propped up on with a small bowl of her own ice cream sitting in front of her. A cast covered her front two hooves and burn marks covered her entire body. The lenses in her glasses were shattered as well as her pride. "and I can't even eat my fucking ice cream!"

Guti trotted up to the injured mare and patted her shoulder. "Aw, do you want me to help you with the choo-choo train?" He pulled out a spoon to emphasize his point.

Instead of the aggravated reaction he was hoping for, Lost simply grew a condescending smirk of her own. "I hope you find that shit storm really funny, because until our house is fixed, we're stuck living with you, Guti. Hope you enjoy Mag's 'little presents.'" Lost grinned maliciously, pointing both of her front two hooves behind the stallion. Guti turned, finding Magpie up to her antics once again.

The mare in question was already sprinkling cheese cracker dust on Guti's bed. She saw the attention coming from the other ponies and waved cheerfully to them before returning to her business, a wide smile plastered on her face.

Remaining silent and eyes twitching, Guti walked to his dresser, opened the top drawer, pulled out a grenade of his own, and took the pin out with his magic.

Author's Note

I promised I would do this, so here it is!