Oh God! The extrusion of Twilight Sparkle!

by Helzblack Dale

Rating: mature
Tags: Profanity, Adventure, Violence, Death, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sex
Length: 9994

Change is coming in the weirdest way possible. TROLLFIC.

Change is coming in the weirdest way possible. TROLLFIC.

Published 2018-10-29 18:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-10-30 19:47:37 UTC

Chapter 0. Who counts beggining with 1 anyways?

This story has had so many inspirations and sources that it would be impossible to list them here. But now that if yo see something faimiliar it is probably a parody of that.

General Dover and his submarine fleet were in the center of Korea Bay. The nuclear sumbarine, glinting underwater with the sleek iron thread of modern machinery sported its portable breeder reactor in the bottom left of the hull. To complete the picture the beep of the floundering sonar echoed trying to locate itself in a choppy sea.

"What the shit is going on? Why can't we see the bottom of the ocean?" asked Commander Donovan. He sported the grin of the "Bear", that character from the Tarantinos movies capable of killing several nazi soldiers with his bare hands.

Grisle the scientist onboard tapped at his computer madly and what he saw surpised him.

"It seems the bottom of the ocean has moved." He stated in a plain an bored monotonous voice.

How can that be?" asked Drooler. The nickname stuck when they other boys in the sub found his tendency to drool right after a good wank. Now whenever his mouth seemed the tiniest bit moist everyone would refuse to shake his hand.

"The gravity field has shifted." He stated ingoring Drooler dumb question. "Either that means that the the interferometer is broken or the planet earth has had a close encounter with a black hole."

"So it's broken?" asked General Dover pointing to the gigantic tube that ran across the biggest submarine ever built. Ever since it had become possible to create anti-matter bombs the countries of the earth, or at least those who seemed to give a shit about progess, rushed in a news arms race to develop the new most powerful weapons.

In space it had become possible to travel far and wide in the solar system bringing along platinum-filled meteorites. They not only made Elon Musk the richest man in the history of mankind but also prevented the economic collapse that would follow the decline in reserves of oil.

Thus in the sea and all along the world particle scientists and astrophysicists were rushing to try and develop and new nearly infinite source of clean energy and make sure that the United States kept supremacy, for fear of what Vladimir Putin II or China might do with such weapons.

The inteferomenters were pouring data like crazy showing the inner structure of the universe.

This was a sight that only scientists got to behold. A privilige not for mortal eyes. The cascading iridescence of pulsing nebulae as neutron stars within rushed to hug one another as they bleeped, joining into a black hole. The blinding a-thump-a-thumping waves pulling and pushing the bare holding of creation. Gravity waves that wiggled the atoms in Drooler's nose making it seem ridiculous.

Grisle wanted to wipe a tear at being at the fore front of this discoveries and being the man that had finally killed physics by unifying the three fundamental forces and quantifying spacetime.

Despite having disproven string theory many of its wackier consequences were still in effect including the topological rending of the universe into a parallel avenue.

So it was that with the glee of drug addict, the rush of a new mother and the the antipication of a prisoner escapee he recognized what had happened.

"Well shit," he said smiling. "Seems that the North Koreans finally managed to rip a hole into the continuum."

All around alarms were blaring blasting their annoying wail into the ears of the captains. Had Drooler not been busy being started by one of the siren's warnings he might have noticed how his hands, face and body were contorting pulsing manically as the gravity waves did their thing, pushing and pulling.

New and unseen colours, illusions of a mushed in brain, drummed into the crew. The growing parasitic rhythm cosuming their attention, Charlie's Chocolate Factory terror tunnel had nothing on this. Eyeball were swirling out of their suckets.

Pushing and Pulling. The eternal battle of the metric tensor against the dark energy machine,

And everything banished.

The sound of metal being compressed tore the tymapni of several crew memberz but Gristle and anyone with a brain simpy grabbed a pair of earmuffs.

Drooler was of course bleeding from the left.

"Grisle," asked the General. "Care to explain what happened?"

Lyrac Grisle raised an eyebrow.

The general was flustered. He knew that Gristle did not suffeer fools gladly and that he only replied stupid queistions with stupid answers. Some other generals would have wanted to crush Gristle spirits and rebellion.

Dover liked Gristle cynicism. Furthermore he knew that you couldn't cusuh Lyrac's sprit.

"So we are in the middle of a black hole?" He took a guess based on the reports that he had read. Though he probably didn't need them . Not being a morron Dover understood that some sort of singularity was formed and that it was Kim Jong Un's responsability.

"Yes," he replied. His hands looking like spaghetti from all the stretching. Everything was still expaning or contracting but things were more manageable. "I managed to seal it behind us. Using the gravitic cannon. This has depleted our reserves so if we are still on Earth we are going to die," Gristle was smiling the smile of someone who couldn't care less if he died.

"But we are not inside a black hole but in another universe."

Everyone's eyebrows shot up, except for Drooler. He still was confused.

"What do you mean another dimension! Did you do this?" He was grasping Gristle but the collar.

"Yes."

"Why?" he asked punching Gristle in the face.

"That's enough! He just saved planet Earth," said Donovan.

"He closed some sort of anomaly right?" asked some technician behind a screen.

"Yes," replied Donovan. "The boys downstairs just told me that they can't find their position in the universe using the interferomenter network".

"We are not in Kansas anymore" quoted Gristle and spit some blood and three teeth while raising up.

"So where are we?" asked Donovan and Taylor Lieutenant of the Air Force.

"The North Koreans were said to be trying to get help from an universe with a similar mindset." Another totalitarian hellhole most likely.

"It is said that currently they were focusing in just getting to a place with sentient beings that weren't murderous cannibals or rapists."

"And they would find that because?" asked Taylor.

"How likely do you think it is that a bunch of aliens would share our same morality?" Dover scuffed at the idea of Gristle having a morality. "They might think that raping young members of their species is an honour. And that failing to be raped was child abuse. He paused for effect and thought that already on Earth people have myriad of opinions of what is right and what is wrong.They might think that cutting one's arms could be a fun actvity, if the can easily regrow arms that is."

"They were just looking for similar realities with similar ethics and were probably using the computer and that kidnapped sod's expertise-"

"You mean Clements the first person to devlelop a sentient AI?"

"Yes." answered Gristle.

It was no secret that Gristle didn't like Clements. In his opinion he had beatn him to the punch. Clements just implemented a lot of his ideas. They really was no limit to Gristle ambition or how many fields of science and arts the man had dabbled in.

The men poured out of the sub like little ants. Their bodies looking the part mangled from the singularity effects. The sub was embedded in the side of a mountain in what appeared to be a forest.

A forest with some giant floating letters. Everyone tried to read the massive sign.

Everfree Forest.

"How very convenient," said Gristle sarcastically. "Our new home has all its topography labed backwards."

By pointing this out he earned a cuckle from the other crew members. Meaniwhile a white pony in a throne sneezed.Who would be so dumb as to post a giant floating sign telling you your current location and doing it backwards? It was like paying for an airplan to spell your name but doing it in a way it could only be read from above.

"Maybe it is for fliers?"

Gristle mulled over the idea. Yes perhaps it was for some sort of flier. Though the onyl way to tell was to see how high these fliers could fly.

Grisle slid down the sub and was thus the first interdimensional travel.

Stealing everyone's thunder? mused Dover

Oxygen in a 50% concetration meant that they would have to get used to this envorement or die.

But the fact that this reality seemed so similar to Earth brought a spark of admiration in Gristle for the North Koreans.

Meanwhile in a purple's pony room.

"Argh! Where is it? WHERE?" asked Twilight Sparkle current princess of Faggic, the Magic of Friends.

"Keep it down. I am reorganizing my powerponies plushies!"

Spike, who was now the size of Ponyville grunted. His chuckle of sarcastic deppression shaking the sorrowful ground of Equestria despairing for the fate of one of its children. For as avery foal knew by the age of five Dragons were the primordial offsping of the God of the Earth, Girffons of the sky. And anywhere outside Celestia's domain Ponies were said to come from excrement of Man, thought a very resentful Spike who had grown to hate ponies ever since that fell day of October.

The dragon had remained with Twilight despite his growing a hundred time its size due to Little Sparkle's desires, and spells.

Eventually Spike had realized that Twilight had effectualy trapped him inside the the castle. Too fat to get out, too lazy to raise up and escape.

But he couldn't. He wished that someday some stray shrinking spell hit him. Or killed him. Living splayed like a giant crushed toad underneth a castle was not fun.

For underneath the Castle of Sparkles a dragon the size of a village chubby with a billion gem's worth of pounds struggled to move even an inch.

The new underground hall of tunnels that housed Spike's rotund body where built during several year of hard work and it was during the underground expansion of the castle that Twiling had discovered her current predicament.

Hundreds, nay thousand of skulls. Griffons, ponies, and even alicorns.

The trial of Pinakmena Pie the world's most feared murder was about to begin and Twilight had lost her notes.

"You know," mused Spike. "I alwasy knew there was something weird about Pinkie. I mean those strange supernatural powers that you tried to explain..."

"Yes," Purple replied. "They seemed like magic. But that should not be possible! She is not a unicorn! Or a zebra!"

"Well how else do you explain the party cannons that always seemed to come from nowhere? Or her ability to appear at multiple places at the same time?"

"Er..."

Before Twilight couldn say something stupid, like magic does as magic does, Spike said.

"Magic has rules. I never understood why you Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Faggic the most powerful force of Equestria listened to the dementia mumbles of a simpleton."

"Hey! Granny Smith and the Apples might all have severe mental retardation but that doesn't make them evil!"

Spike raised his eyebrow like saying, when did I say that?

"They maybe smelly because unlike other farmers they don't believe in showers."

"And they may be dumb because instead of using the manure of the cows the using their own!"

Spike swore to never eat a zap apple again.

"And they may be mentallly retarded. But they are not resposible for setting all the shrinking spells scrolls on fire! That was me..."

Spike wanted to murder that purple puny.

"I mean... er... It was them! The Apples did it. Spike they are the ones that want you trapped under ponyville because they are so dumb that they think that dragons like to eath Earth Ponies".

Stop teasing me! Foolish Pony Rumbled Spike.

You do not know what you deal with by making yourself enemy of a Dragon

Before Sparkles could try and calm the Dragon the down the gemstones of peace andf hippy love activated and teleported the Mane Six, including Pinkamena the child eater right outside the sub.

"Halt there in the name of Friendship." said Sparkle.

"Landing a metal beast in the forest of right after an obvious interdimensional accident and failing to bow to Celestia is a crime against Ponyhood"

"Forests are places where murderes hide and where children go missing!"

Twilight was spinning in the air while the others listened and Pinkie escaped.

"For daring to disturb the peace of the wonderful Everfree. Me Sailor er... Princess of Faggic Twilight Sparkle and the props that you see behind me will punish you!"

Said props were bleeding profusely. What did you expect? That the ponies would win? Maybe if they were horses or something. This are ponies.

Rainbow Dash tried to fly away and drop kick them.

Gristle moved to the side while she descended straight towards him and she split her skull on the hull.

Pinkamena ran and ran.

Fluttershy died of heart attack not from fear but from eating too many donuts. Girl had let herself go. Also seeing so many of her animal friends die of old age had done her in.

Rarity was shot in the horn.

And Applejack was fighting with the CMC.

The CMC were trying to convice Applejack that she was fighting the wrong enemy.

"Shut up you stupid earth pony with a magenta bow."

"I'll crush you."

And thus Apple Boom died.

Thus the legendary and very heritable stupidity of Apple Family legay was cut down by one member.

The only remaining ponies now were Sweetie Belle, which was also bleeding, Scootaloo, and Sparkle.

"Noooooo. My weakness! Long speehes!" Next time I swear I will cut it down to two minutes!

Scootaloo escaped and Sparkle was taken in by Gristle.

AppleJack helped some pony named Pinkie to carry her missing sister Sweetie Belle into the forest

What a nice pony, thought Applejack, so concerned for her missin' sister.

The corpse of Appleboom twitched. Sweetie Belle meanwhile knew that she was going to be eaten by Pinkie, The worst part was that Applejack would probably help. Meanwhile inside the sub Gristle was integorrating Sparkle.

A few hours later Gristle was down in the submarine's "enhaced interrogation chamber". Congress had rebanned all forms of torture but the few soldiers that actually suffered hits from the fighting ponies wanted to reinstate it.

In these dank corridor the crouching figure of Gristle, with half of his teeth gone from the resulting gravity crushdown was questioning a very smug looking TS.

"So, these elements of faggines," he said poiting to some magic rocks in the bedside. "Allow you to do "magic"."

"It is not ""magic"" it is real magic!"

"So you can hear puncutation?"

"Err... yes."

Lyrac was twiddling the cut horn that he just sawed.

"And the horn allows you to do magic?'

"Yes. Now put it back in so I might kill you."

It seemed that Gritle was about to comply.

But he said No. And stuck a black salami in there and taped to TS brow.

Meanwhile Gristle put the horn in his forehead.

Think of faggy thinks, friendship and rainbows, Grsitle meditated.

The horn started to glow.

Alas poor Gristle was bowled over by Drooler before he could unveil the very cool secrets of nether Arcana. TM.

"Twilight Sparkle is that you?" He said looking like a sweaty impression of a Comic Con Nerd.

The man and his vissibly inflated skin pores were pulsating not with sweat from the overwhelming heat but rather from the sheere antipipation he felt upon seeing Twilight Sparkle form in life. Glistening and approaching said Pony who seemed to contract in disgust Gristle yellow teeth dre closer and closer.

Gristle alerted evryone of Drooler treason through the radio.

"You are my sixth favorite pony of the Mane Six." He stated pointing his thum at the sky. "Will you answer my many questions ? Like is Luna a lesbian? Is she available? Do you think that we humans are sufficiently... er... 'packed' to satisfy her?" This last question he said in a retrieving shyness looking down at the ground, silently regretting something.

The man continued to list endles and callow foolishness.

Twilight looked at Gristle, like saying, you have to deal with the morron.

Gristle looked at twilight, like saying, yes.

You haven't seen Applejack, seemed to say Twilight.

And then Drooler took the horn and duck tapped it to Twilight.

"Ha! Prepare to be blasted aways."

Gristle raised his eyebrow and was blasted with a rainbow of colors.

All that remained of him was a some silver pony with a golden mane.

It arose and looked skpetically at its body, perhaps thinking that he was drugged out of his mind.

"So the elements of Harmony tranfosrmed me into a filly." He said in a stoic and somber tone. That sounded alot less cynical coming from an image of adorableness.

"I must say the transgender part of me doens't mind the gender.
But I would rather stayed a human." She said.

Dover then entered the room and shot Sparkle. In the plot. She bent over a hee-haw like a mule in heat lamenting the loss of her left Gluteus.

"So gristle is now a pony?" asked Donovan, and poiting to the silver unicorn.

Alas before anyone could kill Drooler he blasted the entire sub with the Elements ofr Harmony.

"Yes" said Grislte in her new female voice.

"And you now too are ponies."

Taylor thought that they were sent to some sort of hell dimesnsion to pay for their sins. And that the onyl way the otherwise incomepetent North Koreans could have possibly opened a portal into another universe was if they made a deal with the devil. He remembered masturbating and looking at porn magazines, and like the priest from Left Behind he blushed in utter shame.

"So the devil is a horse." He muttered swearing to never sin again. No more.

With that they proceeded to trample the still human, and still brony, Drooler. Stampeding upon him it was unbelievable that the man was still alive, perhaps the elements were protecting? thought Lyrac.

Author's Note

So there you have it. I will only continue and correct the typos if you read and review. If the story is ingored I don't think it will be very long.

Chapter 1: Laazy for a title

Meanwhile outside Drooler had escaped using the Elements of Fagginess pointing them on the wall of the sub and turning it into cheese.
What am I going to do? Whaat-
Drooler, also known as Dick Rogers Ullers to his friends had just seen the bleeding corpse of Fluttershy.
It seemed from the bloodtracks that Pinkie had been carrying the bodies of the dead fillies and ponies of the castly one sided fight with the help of AppleJack, who thought was only helping Pinkie defeat the evil invaders.

Grrr. Why are these corpses so heavy? thought AppleJack If only Apple Boom was here to help me, AppleJack thought while dragging Apple Boom's corpse.
So this only left Fluttershy's body intact in the batlefield.

Drooler knew what to do.

Pointing the elements of harmony at himself he said. "Make me a pony!"

Drooler despaired in bitter sorrow, hand inbrow and waxing poetical about his narrow minded frivolous dreams, not caring a bit about the possible North Korean menace back on Earth or the lives of the ponies he had declared he loved so much. Tears and sobs free aflowing from purple cheeks left over from his just trampling, the blackened body of Fluttershy lay in front of him while he threw a temper tantrum.

'Tis a nightmare! A nightmare I now live.
I only wanted to be a pony for a night maybe a shag or two with Luna and and her playful staff. Her nimble maidens coquettish with delight blushing like nymphs by the riverbed of the forest night! What is what I saw! Winking at me her lewd visage and her nether region glowing with the twang of her multiple clitori-

Wait! New hope bloomed for him. The miracle had happened and he had an useful idea! What if he asked Flutter to use the elements to turn him into a pony! Flutter is so innocent that she will probably be the only pony in all of equestria that will be noble enough to given them back to me after she uses them.

She is dead. I must fix that!

Drooler then blasted Fluttershy with the Elements, burning away all the fat that she gained in the previous months.

Drooler sat there for hours on end, having dragged her remains and hid himself and Flutters far away from the eyes of US Military. Injuries from the singularity throes were still being tended.

Fluttershy did not seem to stir.

So he blasted her again.

And again.

And again.

By this point only scorch marks were left on the ground. Also the forest was burning.

Waving back and forth in the lowest Catacombs of Canterlot, even lower than the secret changlings chambers, even lower that the mightiest dragon's den and lair, laid the unholy seals of Dengawar. So named by Celestia, trying to disgrace the last creation of Starswirl, while she in turn used them to set the age of Death in Ponyland at 207, the unholy seals allowed the user the full control of life and death. Some whispered that they might be the source of Tia sun powers.

Drooler had entered the Caterlot library with a delusional spell making the easily distracted minds of the Castle, which were many, forget about the five fingered bald ape of Lancashire, as he came to be known for his constant swigs of Lacunian beer around ponies.

Drooler , who was formerly accused of stalking the creator of the MLP FIM show and most of Hasbro male executives, mind for non-sexual straight reasons, such as asking whether or not princess Celestia possessed more than one clitoris as his fanfiction declared, was sent to jail at the tender age of 30.

Born in Paris, Texas Droolers family baptized him under the sun of the shy Texas desert and in the cold waters of the Grand River. Known around the state for hunting exotic pets that they themselves had set free on Texas the Drooler family made money from selling everything from exotic handbags pelted with sweet blue snake skin to panda sandals.

His mother and father dying at the age of 13 he was sent to live with his extended family which introduced him to the pleasures of alcohol poisoning.

When he decided to settle down he married the local cheerleader, who despite her attractive looks and coquettish nature was as much of a fan of illegal whiskey as Drooler was. Thus the drug addict married his fixer, something she would come to regret as his only source of income was his whiskey making and his job at MacDonald's, the government cracking down in the illegal exploitation of exotic pets during the M Obama adminstration.

FAlling in a sudden bout of sudden depression Annie the cheerleader gained about her own weight in fat and came to resemble the JOdie Stewart playing the bitch in POstal.

This misery drove Drooler to his darkest place, internet porn. He was however rescued from a jizz-full destiny by one particular decades old show, MLP FIM.

After becoming obssessed with it he proceeded to write a little erotic fantasy called the nights of Kandahar, where he played a valiant middle east soldier who after been hit on the head by a stray soccer show from a terrorist ended up waking up in land full of Pantone coloured ponies.

Eventgually working himself up to princess celestia very own nethers he formed an endelles harem, composed of nealy every female of the cast except for Twi, for Drooler hated nerds with a passion.

While the massive technoligical developments in AI left him jobless (it really didn't take a particularly smart computer to replace Drooler) he was rescued from a life in prison in the mandatory draft and the new Cold War.

New and pwoerful weapons were being developed and communist colony at Mars had started all by formally separating from the US and inventing the first worm hole, only a few centimeters across but amile in true length.

The feminist movement had long ago decided that the draft was better suited to men and so must of teh fighting forces were composed of them, though a few women voluteered. This made Drooler heart sore, for landing Annie hand in marriage made him believe that he was quite the manly casanova, something which he liked to brag about in incel subreddits by declaring himself a Chad alpha, and posting pictures of himself with his wife before she gained 120 pounds.

Drooler read that the true location of the gates was the best kept secret of Equestria, to the point that only one organization was brave to discover it. The Yakuza CLan of the Long Fangs 長い牙の龍のやくざ一族, or the Long Fangs for short.

It was thusly that he decided to "ask them" what they knew.

Maybe with a little help from the Elements

The yakuza in Neighpon was most different from that in our Nihon for it was there that a particular kind of member was mostly absent. The Burakumin. Instead it was filled with ronins and low lives from around the Archipelago, mostly Hokkaido and Shikkoku for some reason.

A heavily matriarchial system has always been present in two particular species of Equestria, the equines and the dragons. Rare was the male leader, and non existent in traditional Neighpon.

We have then a cursiou situation in the current Kobayashi clan, leader of the long fangs, the most powerful mafia in the world.

For your see a little rumour just diligently dug out by one particular rival has comfirmed a bitter truth. Ichika's first husband belonged from this nearly extict people of tanners and undertakers. His one and only son Sora, lives a live of reduced status, keeping his head bowed and the embers on his heart silent. HIs step-father Itsuki not knowing of his secret, lest he abandons a woman that would be considered impure for having coupled with a tanner's son, tried to raise the boy as best as he could. He teached him patience, obedience and kindness. He sees nothing wrong with the cold glares of his mother nor the mocking smirks or her little sister Aoi, current heir to the clan. For he undestands that in this honourable society filled with the heavy burden of gi, keeping oneself as silently protector of the wielders of true power, the females, is the best action. Thus almost following a kind of bushido he sees manliness as subjugation and chivalry, Lowering one's own head as to let sharp wooden heels pass above the fresh mud. Or lowering another's shameful and direspectul male instead. Thus as the quisling of an entire sex he has teached him well one lesson. Subtetly.

Or rather that is what Sora has learned, his adoptive father's lessons goes more like: There is a certain kind of satisfaction in knowing our masters do not notice us, for the sign of a bad servant is his presence on the mind of his fretting master.

Even if his pseudo father does not know his buraku status he has been taught what some call respect and what others call sumbission.

In his continued lesson he has done something quite forbidden, he has taught himself the rudiments of magic, with help from a certain Lyrac Gristle, who somehow has died from Drooler's blast no less an hour after she was hit.

The first day Lyrac awoke she sighed a sigh of relief for she thought that if she was going to spend the rest of her life as a ghost at least it was a female ghost.

That idiot transformed the entire ship into ponies before leaping into the wilderness. Just what is wrong with him? DI he think of it as a favour, he did not know I was trasngender. She thought while Sora sneaked into his mother's studio. In this forbidden place of treachery he has already commited crimes three.

First Sora has polluted this place with the stink of Death, though Lyrac is quite sure ghost don't actually smell, secondly he has tried to learn magic as male, thirdly as it is impossible for a male dragon to practice these arts he has transmogrified his paws into that of a stallion, something which allowed to channel the magic that is inherent in every dragon, male of female.

To commit a fourth would surely condone him to the lowest level of mu, and he is just about to show his new deadly friend, Lyrac, the family, grimoire.

Lyrac impressive as she sways rhytmically up and down, and for some reason that only Drooler might answer, a filly of five years of age, raises one golden eyebrow.

It was apparent that some spells were affected by distance and time, the bounded as she began to classify them in her scientific mind, but other were not. Some fantasy writer would have thought of love, as well as a Theologian, but Lyraac noticed that even love spell could be broken and the mostly importantly some spell which were very weak, clean your shoes, help with indegistion, etc., seemed to have from as long as recorded history itself, at least in those immortal beings of Equestria.

The family grimoire was of course locked and undreadable to anyone who was not a female dragon. Initially they tried to by pas this in teh obvious way with no luck. But then Lyrac began to notice pecularities.

"SO fucking stupid", she muttered under her breath blowing her fangs away.

"Unbelievable"

"What is it?" asked Sora. Lyrac replied with a tale about a man named HItler.

You see Sora as it happens more than a century ago a man named Turing, whose only crime was they way of his love managed to break the most advanced encryption of his time. This was done in something called probabilistic analysis.

Sora eyes light up like candles, as a dragon quite literally.

Using her horn Lyrac flipped to several pages were certain words seemed to repeat quite often. "I see that you see," she said smiling" the fact that language carried regularities allowed to break the code. Here however the encryption could not be simpler.

She seemed to arrange a little table with kanji to the left and scribble to the right. After a week the secrets of the most importan grimoire in the Easter Side of Equestria were revelaed.

"A simple an lazy one to one correspondence, probably automatically translate by those that are designated heirs to the clan."

They snuck thusly for weeks on ends. His life serving foodstuff and picking up after animals was a little brither and endurable with the help of her ghost friend.

"Gah! So boring" she seemed to say every now and then in one particular day of march as she flipped quickly thorugh the grimoire.

"What is it?" He asked. "For a book of such a portent it sure is full of silly political spells and combat parlour tricks."
As to the gates of degorawan Lyrac did not know what they were and she dismissed it as some super training ground in Canterlot for Celstia dictatorial forces.

She had invented a spell that allowed to trasnlate every book "hidden" in Equestria and the strangest thing to to Sora, used to dealing in secrecy and intrigue was that she seemed to simply sell the secret away with Sora help and sharing her profits.

"Why?" she asked after her outbusrt of disgust with his mother's magical legacy. "Why? Well you see I was expectintg something about the nagture of magic, or at least the origin of the world-"

"Ni, I mean, I was thinking about the scroll that you made me sell by the thousands at the market, filled with the decryption spell?"

"Well it is not as if it such a big secret, very easy to figure out with due diligence."

"It is is being advertised by the whole city of Tokyo as a revolutionary discovery, 'Lyraku to Sora' was the only thing known about us."

"Well" she replied " I want some credit after all.... Oh I see you mean why I told everyone about it?" He nodded. "Well you see I am a scientist and I do not believe in that bull crap about meddling with things that man are not supposed to meddle or 'playing god'. I believe in sharing knowledge, at least public knowledge."

"But! It could potentially stop us from learning more!"

"I made a copy of the book and entire library already and-"

At this point they both heard the unusual crack of teleportation and hid nehind the shelfs as Ichika appeared.

"You dind't need to fucking kill all of them!" Shouted a furious and sad man weeping at the feet of Ichika. SHe backhanded the man "We needed to stop the scroll of tranlastion it is a threat to our power!" Ichika bulged out her eyes and tried to seem imposing as she got angry and summoned lightning to her paws. "And you do not address me as such, male!" She electrocuted the dragon at his feet for a whole minute and just when it seemed thaat his own draconic nature would not protect him from this "blue fire" she stopped. She stopped for he was smirking, smiking with death in his eye. For Yuuto thought with solemnity that even as his own body was to give out and the foolish woman before him did not seem to understand that it was too late to stop the scroll's distribution, that her brutish thug tactics were drawing the attention of the government. He then readied a poisoned naginata and prepared to do what his cowardice never before allowed him to do. Plunge.

Fire erupted from the Great Lady Ichika, callowly understamating her servant's attitude, as she wailed in pain and collapsed to the ground.

And it was there that with a swollen eye she saw the presence of a ghost in her library.

As they rushed out Lyrac and Sora passed by the rushing servants. THey would take a while to find the dying lady as out of spite Sora hid her body under the rafters of the deepest basement.

Alas location spells saved Ichika insolent life and she soon was lying in bed recovering from her wounds. Her hate for males renewd she ordered every one's presence in her chambers.

Itsuki knelt while Aoi cruelly smiled at the scene. Her mother did not supect the cause for this. Anyways Sora stood there knowing that she was about to launch into a long reprimanding talk about honour, Sora could probalby write a computer program that spewed her mother invectives and speeches so well that anyone would be fooled, if he knew how to program of course. Sora also knew that as soon as she finished babbling about it she would punish every male in the compound.

With the regretful eyes of an abyss he dumbly stared ahead as he was asked whether or not he knew anything about the attack in the library. Covering up for Lyrac he simply said no.

As soon as he entered his room he popped open his secret hiding place. A tiny female dog poke out her head and bounced all over the room. This dog this dog followed him wherever he went, unless he hid her tiny form under his bed, for fear of his family finding out. MIsery was their true name. He said spelling their category. Having found her nearly starved in the streets and missing and eye he took a sympathy to her for it deeply reminded him of himself, alone and depserate.

Pathetic, amlnourished, hated and alone. The great comfort, he thought, as Lyrac popped and and hugged him, the great comfort of this life is that at least kindred souls in suffereing find the greatest of calms and of love amongst each other.

The feeling of protection could not possibly be matched for the girliest of girl delusions of romance longing for her prince. To simply had gone through and to hug a friend was the greatest catharsis.

"People do not cry when they are happy Sora. People cry when they are free." If only she wasn't the wrong species and she wasn't dead, and well if she didn't look like a five year old. For fearing lies and rejection Lyrac was inclined to share her true nature and would be prompt to tell those who knew her for more than a day about the fact that despite her appearance she used to look like a 25 year old man.

"What did she punish you with?" asked Lyrac nervous about the outcome and wishing for enough power to escape with this pour soul.

"The usual, less food more work."

"Does she not tire? Does she not tire of ehr endless hate. Or she is like trapped by the reflection of our conflicts," she said referring to the fact that people like them could not really be whole.

"Tell me Lyrac why do you suffer so? Have you not gotten eveyrthing you wanted? Tell me more about yourself"

"Compared to you my life has been heaven and my problems seem petty. As for your question you mean the science? The gender transformaation? The fame."

"I always wanted to live a life of adventure but not as a man. As I grew older I only wanted to dedicate myself to soemthing thaat would distract me, something that I liked, science."

"ANd you know what it really didn't help. I knew that no matter how deep the knife's cut, the surgery's cost or the technology used I would feel like nothing more than an Impostor. A man pretending to look like a woman."

"And it is pathetic and it is so disgusting, the fact that one side cares so much about whether or not I am considered a fake or real. That I long for such weird stupid thing, for some acceptance."

"Ever since my parents disowned at the age of 14 for being honest with what I felt I've grown to realize that people like me are not accepted, we are tolerated. NO matter how liberal the man, how comprehending he seems, he might treat transwoman fine but he will always consider them man, and this fact is reflected in the fact that he would look at her like nothing but a freak, or a creepo. The same for natural, realwomen.

"Real women?" asked Sora.

"Yeah I guess there is a term for them ciswomen, but honestly I feel like a fake. If it was so easy to change me into a woman, well a girl, the way Drooler did. Who's to say it cannot be easily undone as well?"

"Around real women", and now Sora felt the sigh of sadness that she muttered everytime she said that pphrase, "around them I've always been nervous. The fact that there are so many trangender bathroom rules just serves to remind me, together with people's reaction, that I am seen as nothing but a man, a despite deeply wanting to be a woman I am one. NO amount of magic cwill change thath"

"What are those laws"

"Why do you want to know, here I am laying my heart for someone else and not even checking if they give a shit. I really think I should not ramble about my silly insecurities so much. I am truly lower than Drooler."

He did not say anything, but seemed to wait for a response.

"I guess you could say that these laws are there to remind people that if a transwoman enters one such bathroom all pretensions need to be dropped, for after all a real woman virtue's is in danger, aslmost as if was just waiting for some idiotic oppurtunity. To be quite frank I really do not have any intention of spending time doing that kidn of thing with a woman, but it is not like they would believe me" she replied with hollow dark sarcasm.

"I mean it is that vibe, like sensing the atmosphere when I think of that I am reminded that we are truly seen as perverts. As long as we keep to ourselves they are fine with referrign to us as females. BUt ultimately we will always be seen as supect, specially as I mentioned when they think that real women are most vulnerable. "

"And I don't like bringign up the issue, I use the male bathroom" Why, he replield, the way you make it sound it as if you were likely to be attacked for no reason near a man. "Well who's going to accuse me of something If I alway go to that bathroom. Honestly the military didn't even know that I was transgender. It is like that feeling when you tell people you are vegetarian and people stare like you,almost as if seeming to think. 'There goes again that prissy weirdo. DO we constantly have to cater to his every whim by goign along this vegetarian thing. Why doesn't he just stop complaining,and if he hates meat so much just goes away.'"

"So you know if you tell someone something like that, well I alway felt that it was like a father humouring a daughter's fanciful imagnary stories of castles ans princess. As long as it does not intrudde too much they will just smile and pretend nothign ood happened."

"I do not like to be in people's detbt nor asked them for favours so I must keep it to myself. That way they won't have reason to cimplain about me forcing them to change their language. If they insiste on calling me a man so be it."

"If I wasn't constantly in such danger-seeking ennui just looking for fun I would honestly spent the rest of my with no interaction from anyone. An the worst part is that idiotic Drooler left me trapped in a five-year old body. Honestly."

Sora didn't know what to reply. No one had really opened to him liek that before, spilling out their bare soul and telling them their deepest fears and problems. He guessed correctly that Lyrac this did to get the worst part over. If Sora wanter her to leave him alone and was grossed out by her nature Lyrac wanted it to happen as early as possible and not to have to deal with the pain of a later rejection.

"For what is worth I think that you can be prety kind and just as easily cruel. Considerate and at the same time apathetic. And I don't think you are a freak." He then hugged her but she only sagged further down into a depression, apparently being so far away from the submarine and scientific discoveries was taking its toll on the dead girl. NO distraction keeping he away from that. Except, maybe...

"I know what wil cheer you up! WHy dont; we just study some more magic together!"

"You are fantastic, I honestly dont understand why this people mistreat just so, just because you are male and descendant from undertakers. You are the kindest person that I know."

She seemed to smile a little at this and they read the whole Grimoire of the family, figuring the deepest secret of its content, namely the true nature of Degarawan unholy seals.

It was at this moment that Sora thought that he should have plunged the knife deeper while he could in the library for the idea of going withouth food for three weeks and perfoming just as well in his servant duties was unbereable.

While he returned to his room her sister rushed out. She was holding a meal on her hands.

"Let me guess oh powerful Aoi Sama" he said bowing "You are either goign to tell me to lick your shit covered shoes to get that meal or that this is my last assigned meal and that you are just about to spill it."

Her smile soured and she dropped the bowl.

"You ruin it. You-" but lit up again.

"I know, for your deameaning insolence I will ask to extend for a week the punisment!" she singsonged in the tune that vulgar men find sexy in the whores that they hire.

Trying to sound seductive and posing but lacking the grace and attitude, though not the looks, the female dragon teased her brother.

"Hey buraku if you don't at least pretend to be pained you know that I"

"Fine" he said licking the sole of her shoes, her outside shoes that were dragging mud and shit from the red light dirtrict as Aoi, as her name dexcribed, seemed to have inherited her mother's want for rough love and thus liked to go into the few male brothels catering to women.

Like this, he thought, like this you will die if you do not escape. The world is ample he hoped. Alas the punishment was not over as she simply knocked him over the head with her pointed heel and laughed.

"Oh dear. Look at what I found in your room!" SHe was carrying the dead body of hid dog, before Lyrac it was the only creature that eemed to care for Sora.

"SO sad I think my heels-"

In view of everyone Sora smashed her skull against the wall so hard she saw stars.

"YOU!" He said with bulbing eyes and cocking his head and twisting in ways that was certainyl hurting.

THe whimpering thing had not yet died but was still in pain so Sora left the beating to death of his sister for later and cradled his dying dog in his hands.

Ever since the little thing jumped with delight at seeing him, and this pain, the knowledge that even as she was being hurt by his "sister" she was probably looking for her master to rescue her and, he had not come, filled him with hate toward himself. He had learned enough magicf to try and improve her hiding place, and the fact that he failed her was forever something that made this reality unaccptable.

"This will not stand!" He commanded damning the shinigami of this world and muttering of the unholy seals.

"Death, you of this world. We now are enemies" he said crying while Lyrac appeared behind and hugged him. He did so even as he was dragged to the dungeons, he did so while the guards tried to beat him but Lyrac possessed them and made them mad.

He did so for a week, the poor pet long dead and rotting, not letting her go. And as the ghost and the drake wept in full sobs he decided that movement and caring were useless things. Embracing the buddhist path.

Sora has been beaten before, whenever her mother felt like it, but never before had he felt his suffering. To serve a thousand meals and work a nundred year withouth rest was an option he would go into if he knew he could reverse things. His life already included being treated as the lowest of the low inside the yakuza, who were already considered low.

Lyrac knew that they had to get out before the matriarch Ichika figured out who was the ghost in the dungeons and proceeded with the painful excution she had planned for her son.

Pinkie was tired.

She could not believe that it was possible to get tired from killing.

But killing soooo many ponies in such a short time...

It was foolish. Pinkie knew this. She could get caught, easily. Despite her dark magick skillz her pinkie sense could not save her from a whole town full with enraged ponies.

Unless she somehow looked like someone else.

AppleJack!

"AppleJack let me borrow you face!"

"Very well," said AppleJack. "But I want it back by tomorrow."

When the sagging skin snapped back AppleJack noticed that her mouth was so loose it couldn't eve close down again. All Pinkie had succed at was making AppleJAck look more ike a Bulldog than a Pony.

That's what I get for being so generous. Grr! Wish I wasn't the element of Generosity thought AJ.

Pinkie realized that the best way to to hide was to use one of the corpses she carrying. She took Rainbow Dash face.

Just in time as Shining Armor himself was looking for Pinkie.

Shining stared at what looked to AJ standing beside a pink pony wearing the face of Rainbow Dash. Some terrible dark part of him wanted to laugh at the stupidity of the scene but he clamped down.

PInkamnea thus was quicly captured.

As AppleBoom remains were buried it was agreed that in order to keept the element of honesty in working order Sweetie Belle, having lost her horn and thus considered as lowly as an Earth Pony, was adopted into teh Apple Family, not that they noticed.

Meanwhile in the Ivanka Trump Submarine (yeah somehow that happeed and named it after her, dunno how).

"Tell us weirdly proportioned horse how is it that you say that Sun is moved and has always moved with the help from ponies. With the help of fat pie-eating ponies?"

"What happened when there weren't any ponies?" Mark Taylor smiled to himself.

All this questions were so sardonic.

Nornally Donovan communicated in technical terms that only him and those who were routinely briefed could understand.

But, when DOnovan spoke in plain English he could appreacite the sarcasm.

"Is your Earth Flat? Are you a Creationist? Do you believe in Richard Dawkins? Do flat-earth ponies fall off the edge?"

Donovan was apparently ripping into the cosmogony and geography of the place. As Gristle was currently dead he was trying his best to replace her cutting sarcasm.

While repairing the submarine that had been so carefully been concelaed in the previosu months they set up camp and used it from time to time. It was still embedded into the mountainside. But obviously if they could figure out how to open up interdimensional portals that would probably wouldn't prove to be a problem.

Below the I-beams of the hot sub and the puddle of sweat of Twi, who was seated in a har edged plastic foldable chair, with her hooves tied behind her back and her purple fur a mess she twitched under harsh light of the interrogation.

"I don't know," said Sparkle in reply.

"Well what is at the edge of the world?"

"It's unkown."

Twilight then procured a map using her horn. When a third of the crew had obtained horns from the careless display of magic that Drooler made on his way out. The resulting mage-force of ponified soldiers and the steel of the hull seemed to make teleports impossible, so she had no easy escape. No real avantage in using her horn while caputred.

"How can it be unknow?" Prodded Donovan " How old is your civilization? You have fliers right? Your bloody Equestria is marked with giant backwards letters"

"They are so high. No one can read them" They had checked this as another two third of the crew were pegasi.

"So they can't like read backbwards?" asked Taylor.

"Eh... Look I guess the distance is too big for anyone to figure out."

"Hm that seems reasonable."

"How big?"

"Like a third of your planet's surface."

"..."

"And you have teleporting spells."

"..."

Under the barage of his criticism Donovan left eye's twitched. He was much more effective at interrogation when he could look the part of the mad cop. Looking like a pony did not help.

"I belive she is spouting horseshit," said Taylor. They were asking these questions not only for tactial advantage and to satisfy DOnovan's curisoity, but also to check the consistency of her answers. They did not know when Celestia eventully would look for them. They had prepped for an immediate asault after finding out that the Elements that Drooler had stolen were so important, but no one except the Canterlot fighting force, prompet by their Captain Shining, presented. They found out from them that Celestia was not even informed of current events as ever since her sisterhad returned to power she lost all impetus of ogvernance. Aloof and distant, Her cruelty now was only display in casual manner not in the daily fashion that was customary before Luna's return.

"I am telliing the truth! You don't have to waterboard me anymore!"

"So you say that the tranformation into ponies is irreversible?" asked Donovan.

"A change made by the elements cannot be undonde. It's the most powerful school of Magic. Faggick! The magic of Frienship."

"How is it that the oceans dont' simply drain?"

"Er..."

"Look everyone is taught that the Sun and the Moon were always carried by something magical and they go around Equstria." Reasoned Donovan.

"Everyone also is taught taught that the Eqeustria is flat."

"So I take it that ponies are supreme and that is the reason Equestria is the name of ths Adobe Flash Wonderland?" asked Roger who had just stepped into the room and clunked the hard metal of the boots against the compartment as he entered..

"Er well the threat of the Sun has always been a powerful one."

"Why can't other creatures steal control of the sun?"

"No matter how powerful this Celestia is she only seems as powerful as 11 ponies, or whatver it takes to move the sun."

"That is because Princess Celestia is favored by the Gods."

Donovan tried to rub his temples and fell flat on hisface as he did not have the support of thefoour hooves.

"Gah! How can a bloody species that cannot use tools. Cause you know it has no free appendages! is capable of evolving into sentient beings?"

Not really expecting an answer Twiligh answered Donovan's question.

"I am guessing that evolving means how civilization started? Everyone knows that unicorns have always been the appropiate rulers, given hat they use of magic. Withouth us Earth Ponies and Pegasus would die in a year. They need us for nearly eveyrthing and only recently enough charms have been developed that allow an Earth Pony an independent existence." Pegasi are less useless, thought Twi.

"But without us to renew those charms they would die." She stated looking smug at the fact she was an unicorn.

"Great," mumbled Donovan. "We are in Nazi Ponyland and surrounded by racist-"

"Hey it is truth!" Tiwlight procaliemd. "The day all unicorns vanished for almost a year due to some misfired Starswirl spell they almost died. When they came back they found that while the Pegasi were able to drag clouds and the Earth Pnies to farm, without control of the Sun the other races simply decided to get historical reven on Ponyland!

They could not create tools nor wield them easily.

Thus the existence of the Pony race was in dire straits. How could they survive withouth they basic necessities fullfield? They could not even open a jar! Not a messy shoddy jar! All the other race of ponies would be dead without us Unicorns!"

"It is still wrong to brag about it and not develop a way to give them magic or permanent independence." said Roger.

Taylor thought that if they somehow made it alive out of this, living in a place full with magical adventures and magic might not be so bad.

Donovan thought that so far Hell was a very unimpressive place.

Maybe some egghead figured out how to make it liveable? He asked himself.

"Is magic like enrgy? If I cast to many spells will I pass out? Does it rely on intention or just words?"

Twilgiht said that only practice marked how powerful your spells were, as they dependen on the perfection with which they were cast. But there were spells so simple that they could only have some many flaws so you would notice right away the difference between a powerful and a weak caster.

"Rarity RIP. Was very good at fashion but a terrible caster." She said looking remorseful but smug about the fact that she was better at it. Twi had always envied the precise and delicate use of her magic that the fasionista could somehow do. Compared to her her dexterity left her more ath the level of a shoddy Earth Pony. Why she didn't speclaize in something less trivial than fashion was beyond Twi's imagination.

"I sometimes wonder about the elements" meditated Sparkle.

"How coudl they have allowed Pinkamena the Murderer to become the Element of Laughter?"

Er...

Chapter 2: Celestia

It was noon on Equestria. Or was it?, did that make sense? Did the sun really go around the Equestria?
TurboDrooler had tired of admirining himself in the mirror he manage to conjure up.
He was currently trotting up to Ponyville.
Lateley he had realized what a terrible brony he had been.
Sure he had rescued Sparkle's butt, despite him not liking her that much. But it was only due to the excitement of being face to face with a real pony!
But the reason he felt bad was becuase he realized that the only reason he had brought back Fluttershy from the death had because she needed to have someone else to use the elements on him and turn him into a pony.
A smarter person could probably just teleported to Ponyville and requested some stranger's help.
It was in this current state of mind thinking how awful it was that it turned out that Pinkie Pie was the dreadful Pinkamena from the horror stories.

And that Rainbow Dash and Rarity had died the he made a rash decsion.

It was not as if he didn't try.

"What in the name of tarnation!"

"Shut. shu-. Shut up!"

Drooler was really trying to bring them back from the death for a last time. If he continued it seemed he would have to bring back pinkie's backside as well.

Pinkie was hunched over while the head of some unknown pony peeked from her backside.

Dear God. Not even Big Mac was this Big! thought Pinkie.

A brown pony with a dreadful smell tried to wiggle free from Pinkie's cheeks.

A strange glow that could be traced back to the elements enveloped Pinkie.

"I know what is going on!" said AppleJack proud of her farming skills.

"You are having baby!"

Hannibal Pinkie wanted to smack AppleJack so badly.

"Let Big Mama AppleJack lend a hand. This happens all the time in the farm. Specially after thus Flim Flams started selling cow meat. Wonder where they get it from?"

AppleJack lowered herself and grabbed some towels. After all for a experienced killer like Pinkie Pie towels and cleaning supplies were always at hand.

"Okay sweetheart only the head is out! When I tell you to push you push!"

Ask Pinkie proceeded to take the biggest dump of her life two ponies came a -popping out of her butthole.

They looked a lot like Rarity and Raibow Dash.

Call the guards I along with them will find this submarine and destroy it!"

Author's Note

Meh. No reviews I wonder how other authors even bother writing when they get no feedback whatsover.

This story is admittedly the weirdest ever but honestly I'sve seen worse.