Savant sighed as he stared down at his lunch, a meager pony sandwich, he stared at the offending vegetarian excuse of a meal and huffed, his canines getting snagged against his lips as he momentarily played with the idea of using dark magic to turn it into a hero sub, but quickly decided against it knowing the mountain of paper work it'd entail once he returned.

"No more than three times a week," he muttered to himself, a quiet reminder of his rule for petty evil spells. Savant picked the sandwich up, inspecting it as it hovered in his magical grasp, it was a good sandwich, well put together; if he saw this sandwich on the shopping channel... Well, he wouldn't buy it but he'd definitely pick up the phone and think about it, if for nothing else, to order a better sandwich because all this sandwich was making him sandwich...

Savant shook his head and took a bite, he should really refrain from thinking when he's hungry, all it does is infect his thoughts with the stupid.

Savant chewed and hummed, could use a little ranch, and it was on the table in front of him, it'd be rude not to indulge a little... but just as the Alicorn stallion reached out for the bottle with his hoof, his guard snatched it up with her muzzle, unscrewing the top and practically emptying the whole bottle onto her salad.

Savant scrunched his muzzle, that ranch guzzling... WHORSE!

"No more than three times a week..." he reminded himself, though this time with a bit more strain in his voice, with teeth grinding and his black and red wings ruffling behind him as he imagined all the ways to get his revenge on his co-worker, his silent inner diatribe drawing the attention of his Guardsmare. Who watched with a tilted head, blinking as the ebony furred Alicorn shifted between several different expressions as he gazed past her, lost in thought.

Light Step, Savant's air-headed Guardsmare sighed as she lifted her fork with her wing, taking a moment to mix the salad and ranch together slowly, obliviously taunting the stallion in front her causing his eye to twitch ever so slightly.

Savant bit the side of his cheek and huffed, taking the ranch bottle, and emptying the rest into his sandwich, it wasn't nearly enough to cover the sandwich, but better than nothing.

"Are you brooding again?" Light Step groaned, staring at her lunch mate with a tired gaze.

"Shut it, I've got a quota to fill." Savant responded, taking another bite.

"For Luna’s sake! Savant, you're always brooding over everything, would it kill you to look on the bright side for a change?" Light step pouted at she stared at her boss, ever since he became an alicorn he’s been such a sourpuss!

Those flanks were to die for though...

Savant raised a brow at Light, holding the expression even as he took a slow bite of his sandwich, chewed and swallowed.

"... Like what?" He said, tilting his head in what seemed to be genuine curiosity.

Light blinked, did- was Savant entertaining her idea for once!? Light grinned as she gazed almost longingly at the Prince fo Evil before her, maybe she's finally getting through to him! Maybe the pony she knew from before his ascension was still there!

"Well for one, being an Alicorn is pretty cool, isn’t it? I mean you're freaking royalty!" Light suggested as she stabbed her fork into her salad, catching a crouton with an appetizing crunch as she pulled it from the sea of greens and cucumber ranch.

Savant snorted, bitting back a laugh which snatched away Light's smile so fast, that you'd swear that he kicked her dog... Again. The crunch of her croutons in her muzzle a bit louder than needed as she pouted. Now determined to shut him up, that self centered prick of an Alicorn...

"Yeah, I’m sure that half a year of non-stop extreme torture and mind fucking was totally worth it." He responded, his tone a warning to Light to drop it, a warning of which she hadn't picked up on, the daft mare.

"But now you're buff, and you can't get bed mane!" She continued, unwilling to back down.

"I have a therapist now, I have to go see them every other day for the voices."

"Okay yeah, but now your magic kicks flank! and Mares love a dangerous stallion~" She responded, fluttering her eyes as she attempted to play to his ego.

"They ripped off my limbs, repeatedly! Do you know how many times I had to regrow them?"

"You had to regrow-" Light looked a bit sheepish, she forgot about all the loose limbs they found at the crime scene, this was looking to be a losing battle as Savant cut her off by slamming his hoof at the table. It was the first time since last month that he’s gotten so worked up.

"47 times! and let me tell you Alicorn magic is NOT pleasant when you're not an Alicorn!"

"You're tall enough to mount the castle maids; and you're HUNG!"

"THAT WAS ONE TIME!"

Light gasped as if she'd be slapped! "OH! So I never meant anything-"

"WE AGREED THAT NEVER HAPPENED, MARE!"

"I felt something you damn colt! Take responsibility for my feelings or undo the damage to my back door! Giving anal is a marriage proposal and you accepted!” Light stood up as she stared down the Alicorn, only to be silenced by another slam of the stallion's hoof.

"NOTHING. HAPPENED. WE GOT HOME, PASSED OUT DRUNK. NO SEX OCCURRED. AT ALL. EVER. E-V-E-R!"

The two ponies stared each other down for a moment, and for that moment everyone was quiet, even the regulars were staring, usually when they were this loud something funny happened.

"...You can fly." Light said simply, gesturing with her hoof towards his wings, a matter of fact.

Savant opened and closed his mouth a few times, mostly to refill it with more sandwich as he mulled that statement over.

"...Okay, yeah. THAT part is pretty kick flank."

Light gapped at the stallion, she won! but... it wasn’t satisfying, the way she had won wasn't satisfying! He couldn't even give her moral satisfaction of showing him the bright side! And her backdoor still hurt from last month!

Stupid sexy stallion...

"So your wings win you over but being hung like a dragon doesn't!?"

"Can we go ONE lunch break without you focusing on my cocks?"

Light paused, mulling it over as her tail absentmindedly swished and wagged behind her at the mere mention of the cocks, with an s, plural. "... Will you let me touch them again-"

"NO!"

"Then no! I have the hots for you, return my feelings and be the dom to my sub!"

Savant stared the mare down with a ominous gaze, cracking his hooves as he stood up from his seat, finishing his sandwich with one bite, "I am royalty now you know, I could have you executed and no one would question it."

"I'll ask for your cum as my last meal, and then you'll HAVE to DROWN me in it again!”

"..."

"..."

"I'm stealing a crouton."

Light growled at Savant, "OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

Savant smirked as his horn lit up, pulling a stalk of kale and celery out of her massive salad both dripping with ranch, the black and red Alicorn using them as tongs to fish out two croutons... That evil, evil bastard...

Savant ate his prize slow, practically fellating the two stalks as he wrapped his tongue around them and pulled them into his muzzle, making sure Light could hear the loud and crisp snap as he chewed. making sure she could see how the ranch stained his lips white, some excess dripped from the edge of his mouth as he smirked at her.

"..."

"Fight Me, Whorse."

Light stood still, twitching as her gazed darkened, her mane covering her eyes as her hooves trembled in anger. He was taunting her, making sure to make the act as sexual as possible to rile her up, to remind her she was less than food in his eyes, that stupid arrogant brooding Garry Stu of an Alicorn!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Light let out a scream of pure rage as she charged the Alicorn, hooves raised ready to pummel him!

***************

"Ooooh..." Light groaned, whimpering as she tried not to move. She was covered in thick white cream, every orifice had been filled and was leaking, her hind legs permanently spread as her eyes refused to focus, the only sign of life from the mare was the occasional twitch of her leg as an aftershock would rock through her body.

Savant sighed from her bed side, he didn't look any worse for wear, the stallion finishing her salad from earlier as he watched her mouth gurgle and ooze with the seed her body couldn't keep down with her stomach so bloated as it was.

"This never happened." Savant stated, it wasn't up for debate, not that Light could debate, the light gurgle of Savant's cream in her throat her only response as her eyes remained eternally rolled back.

"You've done a great service to the crown Light Step, I'll be giving you paid medical leave for another 30 days, see you next lunch break; on the bright side, at least you managed a whole week between hospital visits!”

Savant stood up as he made his way to the door, a black feather of his coming loose and floating to the nightstand by Light Step's bed, "I've got a lot of paper work to start on for this incident, and I've got to send a copy of our actions to the archive along with the sales from the adult film company who captured the incident on tape, I'll see you later, you know who to call to pick you up and you know where the key is hidden, I'll see you at home in a few weeks."

Savant sighed as he pulled out a notebook from his mane, opening it and crossing out one of the three pictures of himself in the corner, "No way I'm explaining this to Celestia, I'll just say it was spell one for the week.”

Savant sighed as he looked to the clock, the whole ordeal had taken the majority of the day, it was close to dinner time now and Savant had paper work to take care of. “I should’ve just done the hero sandwich, at least then I would still have Light Step around to help with papers. I’m so buying gryphon take out tonight, I’m craving meat.”

[Savant the Evil Prince, a former royal guard whose family held ties to King Sombra's bloodline. He was abducted a year ago by a cult who worshipped his ancestor, and attempted to use his body as a vessel for Sombra's return, but instead created an even greater evil.

An Evil that worked for the government, fulfilling the quota for evil and tomfoolery for his friendship counter-part to solve on a daily basis, maintaining the balance of good and evil, and earning benefits such as dental, medical, and vision, along with great vacation hours.

After all, true evil works in politics.]

Author's Note

So, funny story behind this... mess I’ve created, I was making myself a tuna sandwich while drunk and trolling around reading other stories. Then I wrote this, went to bed, woke up, went to work, the two months later I saw it in my phone and thought, “hell, couldn’t hurt to post it.”

So here it is. I don’t know if I’m going to continue this but it’s hopefully worth a laugh.