Bloons Tower Defense: Equestria

by TheMajorTechie

Rating: everyone
Tags: Crossover, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Zecora, Other, Original Character, Science Fiction, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 3942

Look guys, it's the crossover that nobody ever needed!

Thanks for 200 followers! :pinkiehappy:

Everything seemed fine until they came... the balloons bloons...

Created and granted life by a surviving, maniacal mirror-pool clone of Pinkie and set upon Equestria, these bloons contain much, much more than just hot air. And so, by enlisting the help of a mysterious monkey tribe from beyond the Everfree, Equestria will fight...

...And they have an ally in the Monkey Confederacy.

Based off of BTD 5/Bloons Monkey City/BTD Battles bloons and towers. I just got BTD6, but my phone doesn't want to let me install it without freeing up like twice the amount of space that the app actually takes up.

Published 2018-11-18 07:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-03-07 07:14:34 UTC

Billowing Blue Bloons Blowing By

Author's Note

Just to preserve the pronunciation of the word "Bloons" in the title of the game, I'm making it a headcanon of this story for the monkeys to pronounce "balloon" as "b'loon" as part of a regional accent.

Anyways, onwards!

Billowing Blue Bloons Blowing By

The monkey facepalmed, shaking his head as he pulled up two chairs for Twilight and Luna.

"Well, obviously we can talk," he groaned, taking a seat once again behind his desk, "how do you think we were able to send a message to Equestria warning you of the b'loon invasion?"

Twilight raised a brow. "Don't you mean balloon?"

"That's what I said, didn't I?" the monkey frowned. "B'loon. B-A-L-L-O-O-N."

"Never mind the monkeys and their accent, Twilight," Luna scolded, "what's more important here is to discuss these aforementioned... uh, b'loons."

"Yes, yes. The b'loons, as our scoutsmonkeys have discovered, seem to be originating from the direction of Whitetail Woods."

"Whitetail Woods?" Twilight pressed, "If they're coming from there, then why are they in the Everfree?"

"Gathering resources, it seems," the monkey answered, "you saw what they did to Ponyville. We've had dart monkeys stationed all around our own village for the past day and a half now, and even then the b'loons still sometimes get through."

Twilight frowned. "So... how long has this been going on for?"

The monkey shrugged in response. "It didn't really start on a single day, but I'd say that we've been seein' b'loons for the past half-week or so."

A distinct crash interrupted their conversation.

"The farms!" the monkey exclaimed in horror, "Those b'loons got to the farms!"

Twilight and Luna rushed from the hut, hot on the monkey's tail as the three raced towards the flaming remains of the banana farms. A distinctly banana smell wafted through the air as they reached the farms. Here, the smell of bananas was even stronger.

Fwoomp!

Twilight turned her head at Luna, who only chuckled nervously as she struggled to tuck her wings back.

"No..." the monkey mumbled, staring on as his fellow monkeys scrambled to put out the flames, "Our bananas..."

Luna set a hoof on the monkey's shoulders, her wings still on wide display. "Don't worry," she began in a low voice, "we will avenge your bananas."

"Sir," another monkey heaved as he ran up to the first, "we've received reports that our teams have recovered red and blue rubber fragments from the burn site. We suspect that the b'loons have advanced in their capabilities."

"Blue balloons?" Twilight pressed, addressing the second monkey, "do you know the difference between red and blue balloons?"

"It appears that the blue ones contain a red b'loon inside themselves," the reporting monkey answered, holding up a shriveled scrap of blue and red rubber partially fused by the heat, "likely to withstand our popping technology better."

A third monkey ran up to the group, a throwing dart clenched tightly in her right hand.

"We need sharper darts!" she exclaimed, sticking the dart dangerously close to the second monkey's face, "Those blue b'oons take twice as many of these things to pop! It'd help if we could at least hit more than a single one at a time!"

"Okay, okay, geez!" Twilight shouted in exasperation, "Everbody slow down!"

"So can you tell th--"

"Shh! The pony lady is trying to talk."

The third monkey paused, glancing at Twilight before running into a nearby wooden shack.

"First of all," Twilight began, "Luna and I haven't heard a single name from any of you. We don't even know what to call you besides 'monkey'!"

"Hi, I'm Craig."

"Shut up, Craig!"

"Hey, all you do all day is sit around in your little hut and count the banana rations!"

"Well, what I do is actually important to our little village. Do you think any of the others would work even half as hard without a steady income of bananas?!"

Twilight rolled her eyes at the ongoing quip between Craig, the 'inspector monkey' who'd been reporting the damage, and the monkey that she and Luna were talking to in the hut.

"And you," she scolded, turning to the monkey arguing with Craig, "Give us your name already. Calling everyone 'monkey' doesn't exactly work out very well y'know."

"Edward."

"Okay then, Edward," Twilight groaned, holding out a hoof, "I'd like to announce Equestria's formal alliance with the Monkey Confederacy."

"Oh, the Confederacy?" Edward added, pausing before shaking Twilight's hoof, "I'm just this village's mayor. If you want to announce an alliance with the Confederacy, you gotta go deeper into the forest. In the meantime, help us get rid of these dang b'loons."

Twilight retracted her hoof, glancing at Luna for a moment before returning her attention to Edward.

"Fine."

That final word was punctuated by a loud explosion, complete with shreds of blue rubber raining over the town. And balloons. Holy heck were there a lotta balloons. Each balloon raced past the shocked group, reigning terror on the small village and its inhabitants. They were bigger, badder, faster, stronger... and blue-er.

And don't forget that they contain red balloons inside them.

Yup.

Anyhow, back to the story.

"Holy heck that's a lotta b'loons," Edward and Craig simultaneously gasped, the latter scrambling for the same wooden shack the third monkey had run into.

"Wait a second," Twilight grumbled, taking to the air to get a better view of the situation. She landed again moments later, visible worry on her face. "...we're surrounded."

Green Balloons to top up your cash

"..."

"..." the other green balloon agreed, hovering passively underneath the dense forest canopy.

"...!" the first balloon hollered, sending the signal for the balloons to rush.

"Surrounded, ya say?" Edward grumbled, "I need another banana before we go on."

"STOP IT WITH YOUR FREAKIN' BANANAS AND DO SOMETHING!" Craig's voice hollered from the shack.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Fine," he groaned, turning to Twilight. "Do what you can to those b'loons with Moonbutt here, and I'll get some towers ready for our troops to be stationed at."

"Why do you need towers?" Twilight raised a brow, "Wouldn't it limit mobility?"

Edward shrugged in response. "Yeah, but it gives my monkeys a better view of where they're flinging things. They're really not actual towers as they are specific positions that I order 'em to stand on."

Another explosion ripped through the background as yet another banana tree toppled, mowed down by the rapidly-approaching swath of greens.

"HAHA!" the female monkey from earlier exclaimed, popping up between Edward and Twilight with a noticeably pointier dart in her hand, "Sharper darts, proven to pierce not one, but two b'loons in one shot!"

"Um."

The monkey ran off yet again, dart still in her hand as she set off to mass-produce the sharper darts in the who-knows-what building it was that contained the manufacturing equipment.

"Anyways," Twilight continued, clearing her throat, "We should probably at the least figure out where the balloons seem to be focused, and put up a defensive measure there."

Luna nodded, licking her lips. "Yes," she added, "which at the moment, appears to still be the banana farms."

"Well, what are we waiting for then?!" Edward exclaimed, "You two go and blast those darn b'loons into oblivion while I gather some dart monkeys. I'll meet you there."

Twilight watched as the monkey scurried off to who-knows-where before turning back to Luna.

"I... guess we should probably go then?"

Luna nodded, taking to the air. Twilight followed close behind, her eyes widening as she took in the full scope of the current balloon invasion.

Next is a cash round - pop hundreds and hundreds of greens to top up your money. If you leak any I'll wince.

"Whuh?" Twilight and Luna simultaneously looked around in a frenzied search for the disembodied voice.

"Who is that?" Twilight yelled, "If you're the one sending these balloons, please, stop!"

No response from whatever phantom voice made the comment.

"Forget about it, Twilight," Luna mumbled, pointing a hoof at the wave of green approaching the small town below. "We have more important matters to tend to."

The two swooped back down just as Edward returned with a small group of other monkeys.

"What're you two doin' here still?!" he exclaimed, "Git!"

"We have spotted a large gathering of green balloons intruding on your territory," Luna stated flatly, "I doubt that your monkeys will be able to defeat them with mere darts."

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong, Miss Horse," Edward smirked, "These are the darts that my assistant just sharpened. Two hits in one throw, and with the number of monkeys I've got just behind me, we'll definitely crush them b'loons!"

"How much are you gonna pay us for this again?"

"Yeah, I've still got a family to support, y'know. You kinda just dragged us out of our houses and handed us piles of throwing darts."

Edward grimaced. "I... uh, I'll pay you in the equivalent of bananas for your work. How 'bout that?"

"Eh."

"Fine, you can take the bananas from the farms as pay," Edward sighed, "But if you want bananas at all, I'd recommend that you defend those farms from the b'loons."

The monkey turned back to Twilight and Luna. "Now then," he grumbled, "If the banana farms are gonna be completely taken up by paying the others, how do you think this town's gonna earn enough money to survive?"

Next is a cash round - pop hundreds and hundreds of greens to top up your money. If you leak any I'll wince.

The words repeated in Twilight's head.

"How about selling the rubber from the popped balloons?" she commented, "It's a pretty durable material, and it'd be a shame to let it go to waste after popping it."

"What a brilliant idea!" Edward laughed, "And with the money from the sales, I could switch over to paying my monkeys in cash!"

He whirled around to the dart monkeys behind himself. "Alright, troops!" he ordered, "I want you to station yourselves along the sides of the path. That way you will avoid the chaos of fighting up-close with the b'loons. Got it?!"

The small collection of monkeys grumbled amongst themselves.

"I'll pay you in cold, hard cash if you do it, so long as you retrieve the rubber from those b'loons. We can sell 'em by the pop, 'kay?"

Immediately, the morale amongst the monkeys lifted as they scrambled for the sidelines. In the distance, small, green figures began to appear along the path, drifting even faster than the blue balloons before them as they made a beeline for the town center.

Edward turned to the two alicorns. "You two," he continued, pointing, "I'm gonna station you near the end of the track to scrape up any stragglers."

"Track?" Twilight scrunched her muzzle, "What track?"

"Er... path. Walkway, road. Whatever," the monkey fumbled, "Just find a good spot to stand still and zap b'loons."

Twilight and Luna shot sly glances at each other as Edward wandered off, presumably to resume his banana-counting.

"Shall we take this to the air?" Luna smirked.

"Certainly."

Author's Note

I'm not really going in any actual round ordering for the bloons, since the actual rounds vary depending on track and difficulty. Instead, I'll be going from weakest to strongest bloon, with eventual camos and regen bloons thrown into the mix. :twilightsmile:

Also, y'all catch that BTD1 reference?

Also, I've been playing BTD6.

Yellow Balloons look like bananas (but definitely shouldn't be eaten).

Luna and Twilight watched from the clouds as a mass of yellow balloons suddenly began to emerge into the opening. They rapidly overtook the slower green balloons that preceded them, and immediately began to wreak havoc on the town.

"Well," Twilight began, "looks like it's our time now."

Luna nodded, and the two swooped down from above, spells charging in their horns as they divebombed the yellow gravity-defying monstrosities.

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?!" Edward screamed, jumping out in front of the two mares, "I TOLD YOU TWO TO STAY STILL AND ZAP THOSE B'LOONS, NOT FLY HEADFIRST INTO CERTAIN DOOM!"

Dodging the sudden obstacle, Twilight and Luna effortlessly swerved around the ranting monkey, spells ready to tear through the massive swath of oncoming balloons.

"Fine then," Edward pouted, slouching back to his cabin, "Be that way. See if I care if anything happens."

A distant crash echoed over the village as the two alicorns finally clashed with the balloons-- right over the banana farms.

"MAH BANANS!" Edward hollered, scrambling out the door towards the source of the noise, "Ooh, if those two horse girls think they can just destroy our crops, then I'm gonna sure give 'em a whuppin'!"

Short to say, his expectations were the polar opposite of reality. As he arrived at the scene of the battle, his worries were quickly dashed away by the sight of Twilight and Luna standing shoulder-to-shoulder, firing lasers through lines of some ten or so balloons at a time whilst the small army of dart monkeys tore away at the remainder balloons. Multicolored shreds of rubber littered the ground with every consecutive pop, punctuated further by the endless squeal of rubber-on-rubber as the balloons began to be pushed back by wind spells from the two alicorns.

"Great work, keep it up!" Edward yelled from the sidelines, "...But what happened to giving the b'loons a clear track through our defenses to avoid direct confrontation?"

"Aw, shut up about that stupid plan!" Craig quipped as he emerged from the banana plantations, "Do ya think it's a good idea to give 'em a path straight into the center of our village?"

"Yes."

Craig rolled his eyes with a groan and wandered off to find the dart-obsessed monkey from earlier. It was at this moment that he nearly had his eyes stabbed out as she suddenly popped up before him, a fistful of darts clutched tightly in one hand and a spiked ball in another.

"EVEN SHARPER DARTS!" she cackled, nearly dropping the spiked ball on Craig's foot, "I've already given several of our monkeys special contacts to help them see farther, and now, if they want, they can fling big ol' spiked balls of metal instead of darts! So, waddya think, eh? Eh? EH?!"

"Um... sure," Craig whimpered, slowly pushing the cluster of darts away from his face, "Do whatever you think needs to be done."

"I'll be right on it!" the inventor monkey saluted, scampering away with the weapons still in hand.

"Twilight, we must push harder against these rubber behemoths!" Luna shouted through the carnage of balloon-popping noise, "They are much stronger than we anticipated, and thus we must expend more energy on these vile balloons!"

Twilight nodded in agreement, strengthening her spells as balloon upon balloon continued to emerge from the forest surrounding them.

A shadow passed over the two mares, prompting them to pause for a moment as they watched a spiked ball of death soar overhead, landing and rolling over a solid line of balloons and popping them all. Turning around, they saw a dart monkey give a thumbs-up in return as they loaded another spiked ball into their catapult.

"We're starting to leak some through the lines!" one monkey yelled, still throwing dart after dart from some Celestia-forbidden pocket dimension that the inventor monkey girl from earlier had been dumping ammo into.

"Bring out the cannons, and tacks if we have them!"

Amidst the chaos and confusion, a garage opened up as a burly monkey carted out a heavy cannon, several mechanized tack shooters strapped to his back. He tore the pink machines away, flinging them like frisbees at the balloons as he gave the cannon a hard kick, sending it lurching forward into the battlefield.

Behind him was... you guessed it, the same inventor monkey who'd been behind the improvements in the dart monkeys' weaponry and skills.

"Well? Whaddya think?" she squealed as she caught sight of the exasperated Craig limping past, "Pretty neat to be able to crank out these things so quickly!"

Craig frowned. "Who's gonna be firing those tack shooters and the cannon, anyway?" he moaned, "Mister I'm Buff And I Can Prove It over there still can probably only handle two of 'em at the most, so what gives?"

The inventor smirked as she mouthed out automation.

A shell detonated far behind Craig, sending shockwaves over the village.

Edward waltzed in, followed by Twilight Sparkle.

"We've just about defeated this round of b'loons at this point," Edward proudly announced, puffing his chest, "I think I'm gonna give myself a promotion for my skillful leadership."

"But," Twilight added, "following the thinning out of the current 'wave' of balloons, I decided to once again take a look from the sky, where I spotted pink balloons."

"So?" Craig muttered, "New color, so what?"

"So," Twilight continued, "Based on the previous experiences we've had with new colors, I can personally assure you that these will be the fastest balloons we'll see... at least, perhaps until whatever color comes after them."

"Oh."

The Red Balloons from the Everfree

It wasn't a particularly exciting day for Zecora. Today, at least so far, had consisted almost entirely of herb foraging and trade in Ponyville's marketplace. Not that it bothered the zebra, however. It was, of course, business as usual, outside of the daisy sandwich she treated herself to for lunch. Ignoring that, nothing seemed very out-of-the-ordinary to her.

There was just one, small, red, rubbery problem to that.

"My potions and charms!" Zecora exclaimed, chasing after the lone red balloon, "Hand them over at once, lest I bring out the arms!"

Naturally, being a non-sentient balloon, the aforementioned balloon didn't comply.

"Very well then," Zecora grumbled slowly, digging into her saddlebags. "you shall have a taste of a spear from my den!!"

The balloon burst with an anticlimactic pop as the spear pierced its side. The balloon's remains, along with the charms and potions it had somehow managed to steal, proceeded to fall to the ground in a heap.

Zecora snorted, inspecting the damage on her goods before scooping them up and returning to her hut.

"PINKIE!"

"WHAT?!"

Twilight took a deep breath, pointing a hoof at the mass of balloons currently ransacking Ponyville. "Are those your ballons?"

Pinkie scrunched her muzzle. "What? No. If I had evil balloons that could destroy Ponyville in a matter of minutes, they'd be balloon animals!"

Twilight facehoofed. "No, Pinkie..." she groaned, "Just... no."

A lone balloon drifted into Sugarcube Corner, proceeding to steal candy from foals, flip a table, and crash back through the window in five seconds flat.

Twilight blinked.

Pinkie blinked.

Pound and Pumpkin Cake wailed amidst the carnage, for their candy had been wrenched away by the evils of helium-inflated balloons.

...

...

The red balloon returned and promptly left with a tray of cupcakes.

"Okay, that's it!" Pinkie fumed, rolling up her nonexistent sleeves, "It's b'loon-poppin' time."

"Wait, but Pinkie, we've received word from--"

Twilight was left coughing in the dust as her friend stormed off in a mech suit. How did Pinkie find and take control of a mech suit in so little time? Nopony knows.

"... the... Monkey... Confederacy..." the mare trailed off.

Spike waddled up out of nowhere, staring straight ahead with unblinking eyes as he horked up a scroll, waddling away to who-knows-where.

你好我的紫色的马!

I am currently being held hostage by a colorful gathering of balloons and airships. This is fine. Have a nice day! I know I'm not!

-Celestia (小马国的公主)

Twilight squinted in a futile attempt to translate the unfamiliar language on the scroll. However, said scroll began sizzling before going up in flames, leaving Twilight face-to-rubber with the same red balloon from before, only this time smeared with cupcakes ~~and the souls of the ponies it reaped~~. The mare charged her horn and let loose, incinerating the evildoer with a roll of her eyes.

Seriously though, Twilight thought to herself as she trotted through the pockmarked streets, where'd these things come from?

She ducked as a rock soared overhead, tearing a gash in another nearby balloon. Twilight ignored the whoopee-cushion sounds of the deflating sack of air and continued walking. From the corner of her eye, she watched as yet another house appeared to buckle simply by the mere presence of the aimlessly floating balloons that surrounded it.

And why the b:yay:ck are they so powerful?!

Twilight's train of thought was cut off by a projectile Luna landing atop her.

"TWILIGHT."

"Urk... what?" Twilight groaned, pulling herself from beneath Luna's hooves.

"WE MUST MEET THE MONKEY CONFEDERACY AT ONCE."

"What-- I--" Twilight babbled as the two were whisked away by the magic of a teleportation spell.

...

...

The shredded, deflated husk of the balloon from earlier dropped onto the ground where the two mares stood seconds prior.

A rift in the fabric of the universe yawned open, complete with the associated bear noises, before spitting Luna and Twilight into the depths of the Everfree Forest. The latter coughed, brushing herself off as she surveyed their surroundings. The eerie smell of latex continued to waft through the air.

Luna's ears swiveled to the side, her attention caught by a stray noise.

"They know we're here," she whispered to Twilight, crouching down, "don't make any sudden movements. The guard-monkeys are easily startled."

From the shadows, two red balloons floated into the open, slowly pursuing the two alicorns. Unfortunately for the aforementioned balloons, however, a dart got in the way. Like, in their way. Like, it went through the dang things.

The pop-pop of the balloons echoed through the forest's thick canopy. A lone monkey dropped from the branches over the former location of the balloons, holding another dart. It peeled the rubber remains of the balloons from the ground, sniffing it before gagging and throwing the shreds of dirt-coated rubber back down. For a moment, the monkey stood still, dart still in hand as it surveyed the area for additional balloons. Then, seemingly in an instant, it turned to face Twilight and Luna, ready to throw the dart.

"Wait!" Twilight blurted, forming a barrier with her magic, "We're not here to harm you. We're from Equestria, and we'd like to speak to the leaders of the Monkey Confederacy."

The monkey made an "O" with its mouth, nodding as it gestured for the two alicorns to follow. The crackle of leaves underfoot pierced through the air as the trio weaved their way into a large clearing.

Without another word, the monkey pointed at a small hut just up ahead.

"Thanks, er..." Twilight began, turning around to find the monkey slinking back into the forest. She turned back to Luna, who only shrugged in response.

The two alicorns thus went on their way to the monkey hut thingymabob in the middle of the clearing, passing the occasional monkey at work on some variant of a balloon-popping device, or farming bananas. Or both. Luna particularly seemed to take interest in the bananas, but nevertheless continued on after much coaxing from Twilight.

"Ah, the Equestrians have arrived," Came a voice as the two entered the hut, "we've been expecting you."

"Wait, you can talk?!" Twilight exclaimed as the monkey the voice belonged to stepped out from behind his desk, "MY LIFE IS A LIE."

Author's Note

I'm bad at writing Zecora's rhymes... and Zecora in general. Sorry for any mischaracterization. :twilightsheepish:

Also, I know exactly what I typed in Chinese.

Also also, Twilight assuming things that she should've known in the first place, 'cause (lack of) logic.