"My dream ended...yummily? That. Cannot. Happen!"
View Online
A Bite-Mare on Dream Street
"My dream ended...yummily? That. Cannot. Happen!"
Princess Luna narrowed her eyes, standing firm as she glared at her opponent. Fury danced in her blue eyes and her wavy, night sky-like tail flicked. She bared her teeth, preparing for battle.
“I may have suffered a humiliating defeat before,” she declared, “but I have returned stronger. You will not best me a second time. This time, the Princess of the Night shall taste victory!”
By her side, the taller Princess Celestia stood just as ready. “You remember the strategy, Luna?”
“Yes, sister,” Luna answered. “You need only keep this monster busy while I prepare my ultimate attack. It shall not take long.”
“I hope you know what you’re doing,” the alabaster alicorn said with a hint of worry in her voice. “This is a strong opponent.”
“Perhaps, but we are stronger.”
The two Royal Sisters were stood at the end of the dining hall table. On the other side was a large, dark blue cake. It was big enough to feed a banquet of ponies, despite there only being two of them present. Its white sprinkles had contorted to make it look like the side of its three layers were sporting an angry scowl.
“This devious dessert has made me cheat on my diet for the last time,” vowed the darker alicorn. “Tonight, I shall have my vengeance!”
The cake suddenly shifted itself, and it tossed globs of white frosting toward Luna, who deflected them with a magical shield. Celestia flew up and fired blasts of golden magical energy toward the cake, taking pieces of its batter off it that simply crawled back into place. It shot more globs of frosting toward her, and she swooped through the air to weave around them.
Luna remained where she stood, her horn’s dark blue aura growing more and more intense the longer she concentrated. She had found this spell just for this very battle, and she had to get it just right, or she’d lose both herself and her sister to a delicious, saccharine demise.
“Luna, I don’t wish to rush you,” Celestia called from above, still flying around the dining hall’s airspace, “but I don’t know how much longer I can keep this monster busy!”
A bead of sweat trickled down Luna’s face. “Just a few more seconds, sister! I am almost prepared!”
A cry erupted from Celestia. “Oh no! I’ve gotten batter on my cheek! Should I only take even the smallest taste, I shall fall under this beast’s influence!”
“Have strength, sister! I am prepared to attack now!”
“Please hurry, dear Luna! For I do not have much time left!” Celestia dramatically put a hoof over her forehead.
“Over here, you fattening fiend!” Luna called across the hall.
The cake only had time to curiously look over before it was blasted by a large wave of dark blue magic. When the attack faded, where the cake once stood was now a large pile of carrot sticks.
“Oh Luna!” Celestia cried, landing back at her sister’s side. “You have me, and all the realm, from an empty calorie fate!”
“Oh it was nothing, dear sister,” Luna purred. “Determination and self-control are the greatest weapons of all against such sugary foes.”
The Princess of the Night struck a triumphant pose while her sister continued to praise her for securing a safe future for Equestria’s waistlines.
Princess Luna jumped awake, eyes wide open and darting around the room. She was no longer in the castle dining hall; she was in her chambers, sitting up in her crescent-shaped bed.
She took a deep breath. There was no evil cake trying to get her. It was only a dream. A rather nice dream too, she figured when she caught herself smiling.
The smile flopped down when she realised. “A nice dream?”
She kicked off the covers and hopped out of bed, putting on her fluffy slippers before trotting to the balcony. It was still dark; hours before dawn.
Luna groaned, burying her face in her hoof. “Oh, by the moon, not again…!”
Her returned inside and her horn glowed. The room around her melted away as she entered the Dream Realm. She frantically looked around at the bubbles surrounding her. They depicted the ponies of Equestria in their safest, most desired scenarios.
These bubbles were the windows into ponies’ dreams, which she could enter into should the need arise, whether to help with a dangerous threat or just to teach a life lesson. Such was Luna’s duty as Princess of the Night and Guardian of Dreams.
She stared closely at each portal that came near her. No sign of it yet, but if what she thought was happening was indeed happening again, she had to be vigilant and put an earlier halt to it.
Her eyes widened when she spotted it. A dark blue, night sky-like blob slithering through one of the portals. Her sister’s.
“Not this time!” she growled, and spread her wings to speed into the bubble after it.
Inside Celestia’s dream, Luna found herself on a street in Canterlot. It was more crowded than usual, and stalls were set up along the sides, like some kind of festival. She didn’t recognise it.
She quickly spotted Celestia amongst the sea of unicorns, smiling and waving as they made way for her to walk by. She kept stopping occasionally to make small talk or shake hooves.
No surprise, thought Luna. Celestia’s favourite dream was spending time with the subjects she loved so much. She couldn’t let this be ruined for her, so she had to find the threat fast.
Luna began slinking through the crowd, giving a quick smile and wave to any ponies who pointed her out. She didn’t hate gatherings like this, but she had a duty to uphold. Plus she still felt a little awkward socialising.
Though, as she looked closer, she saw everypony was carrying desserts with them. Cakes, pies, cupcakes, muffins, and many other treats being held in magical grips. The stalls were also selling many different kinds of them, and were all plentifully stocked. Luna certainly didn’t remember this part of Celestia’s dreams.
She jumped up and hovered over the ponies’ heads to her sister.
“Oh, Luna!” Celestia greeted her with a warm smile. “I didn’t think you were one for such an event like this.” She thanked a mare who offered her a large cupcake and hungrily chomped it up.
Luna offered a quick smile, before darting her eyes around. “Sister, what is the reason for all these confectionaries?”
Celestia frowned and tapped her chin, as if she hadn’t even realised everypony was carrying desserts. “You know, I have no idea. I came out for my usual meet-and-greet, and I saw all these ponies and stalls opened up.” She paused to gratefully accept a muffin, and swallowed it before continuing. “Everypony either wants me to test their treats or to give them as gifts, and who am I to say no? Especially when they’re all so delicious!”
Luna’s eyes widened as she realised what was going on, and as she looked back down to Celestia. She blinked, shook her head, looked again. Her eyes weren’t playing tricks on her.
Her taller sister was one of the most svelte ponies in Equestria, but that trim physique had suddenly made way for a great white barrel of an abdomen, bouncing along on long, thick legs that held the beginnings of folds. Her narrow face sported a pair of plump cheeks that squished as she smiled.
“Some zap-apple pie, Your Majesty?” A stallion asked.
“How about some multi-berry cake, Princess?” a mare offered.
“Princess, we have some more triple-chocolate chip cookies for you!” called a troop of filly scouts.
Luna watched in horror as her sister accepted, then devoured everything she was given.
“Sister, listen to me,” Luna said. “I fear your dream may have been invaded by the-”
“Invaded?” Celestia chuckled, her unfocused eyes glancing up at her. “Oh Luna, don’t worry. The guards will let me know if there’s any danger. Plus, it’s such a beautiful day.”
Luna sighed. “Yes, it’s lovely, but-”
“You seem awfully tense,” her sister interrupted, then lifted a plate of cookies in her magic. “We work very hard, I think we’ve earned a little indulging.”
“I am on a diet, sister,” Luna reminded her.
“Oh, never worry about a silly diet,” Celestia chortled and crammed a mouthful of cookies in her maw. Upon swallowing, her body bounced out rounder and a double chin dropped beneath her muzzle. “Relax, put your mind at ease.”
Luna gaped at her sister’s newfound apathy. She normally would never disregard her advice like this. It had to be that monster’s doing.
She saw something in the corner of her eye and she looked up at the sky. She spotted the dark blob slipping through the sun like it were a portal.
“Tantabus!” Luna snarled and gave chase, flying through the portal like a dark shooting star.
All across the Dream Realm, Luna pursued the Tantabus from bubble to bubble, dream to dream. Every dream the Princess entered had become tainted with the dark force’s… peculiar presence.
The last time it had escaped from her dreams, it caused traditional nightmares. This time, it seemed focused on simply making its victims obese and apathetic. She had found the host of each dream as a waddling, wobbling mound of fur, cramming junk food into their mouth and offering Luna to stay and partake, with vacant smiles and gazes that made Luna assume they weren’t even attempting to think. Just cramming junk food into their faces, ballooning fatter and jigglier, and smiling without a care in the world.
Even most of the Elements of Harmony themselves had fallen prey to the Tantabus. She had hoped to come to them for aid, but she kept arriving to their dreams a moment too late.
“Shucks, Princess,” Applejack had said, leaning against a particularly large apple tree that she was about as wide as the trunk of, “Ah ain’t seen nothin’ strange around here. Just been me and mah apples. Why don’t ya put yer hooves up and have some pie?” She offered, before shoving her face into a pie tin and chomping in a gluttonous display Luna found rather uncouth.
In Rarity’s dream, she had found the fashionista spread across a large, satin sheeted bed. She had bloated up into a large snowball of a pony, causing the mattress and frame to bend downward. “You shall be happy to know that I have seen nothing out of the ordinary here, darling. Now why don’t you take a carton or two of ice cream? Such a generous admirer donated hundreds of them to me!”
Fluttershy was laying on her back in a forest clearing. She had been ballooned up to the size of a bounce house. In fact, animals that weren’t curled up to sleep on her were using her just as such, making her layers of cream-coloured blubber ripple across her great expanse. “Goodness, Princess Luna, everything’s been so nice and peaceful here that I don’t think I’ve ever seen anypony else. Though they left these delicious fruit cakes behind, why don’t you take some with you? You look rather stressed- hehe! Angel, your tail tickles!”
Rainbow Dash had simply given Luna a shrug with her thick shoulders, lounging back on a cloud while her yoga-ball sized body ripped and tore her Wonderbolt uniform, bulges of thick blue fat showing through the rubber. “Iunno, it’s been pretty chill today. Just been checkin’ flight speed for the other ‘Bolts or… somethin’. Hey, I found all these kegs of cider in my room. Wanna have some? Ya look pretty freaked out.”
Luna fled the portal and darted around the Dream Realm, going off the search for the Tantabus. If she was going to stop it this time, there was one pony she counted on who was smart enough, and at the moment, in the right frame of mind.
She just needed to find the right one.
And soon enough, she did. Through the bubble she saw shelves upon shelves of aged books, and amongst towers of teetering stacks of them was a purple speck in the distance. She shot into the portal and-
CRASH!
“Ow.”
Luna’s nose ached, and she was weighed down by heavy tomes and mounds of scrolls. That was definitely not her best entrance.
She felt some books being lifted off her, and a familiar voice gasped.
“Princess Luna?” said Princess Twilight Sparkle. “Is something wrong?”
“Twilight Sparkle!” Luna got onto her hooves and looked around the storeys of bookshelves that seemed to reach beyond the sky itself. “Have any desserts showed themselves?!”
“Desserts?” the smaller alicorn repeated, like the word was new to her. She shook her head while her magic lifted the toppled books and scrolls back into neat piles. “No, it’s just been me here. I was just reading these notes written by Clover the Clever herself! Did you know that she-”
“Yes I did,” Luna interrupted hastily. “Twilight Sparkle, this is urgent, and you are the only pony I can turn to now.”
Twilight stood up to attention. “What’s going on? Is it the Tantabus?”
“It is,” she sighed. “It has returned, and it is growing in power by…by fattening its victims.”
“By…what?” Twilight tilted her head, furrowing her brow. “Wait, the Tantabus was created by you feeling guilt, right? I thought you accepted it.”
“I did, for what I did as Nightmare Moon,” Luna pointed out. “I brought it back to punish myself for sneaking some cake out of the royal kitchen and cheating on my diet.”
Twilight could only blink, taking a few moments to find words. “Luna-”
“I WAS ASHAMED OF MY MOMENT OF WEAKNESS!” Luna bellowed in her Royal Canterlot Voice, sending Twilight tumbling behind her desk. She cleared her throat. “Pardon me. I still hold some regret.”
Twilight reemerged and fixed her mane, which had been blown back by Luna’s outburst.
“Right, well,” she muttered, and cleared her own throat to try and regain composure, “you accepted your guilt for Nightmare Moon, why not try accepting your guilt for…your cheat day?”
“Because I fear it may take more than that,” Luna said. “The Tantabus has worked faster, and has already grown almost powerful enough to escape into the waking world. If we do not do something soon, the entire realm shall be nothing but gluttonous, jiggling balls of ponies and other creatures!”
“I see your point,” Twilight agreed, and hovered into the air. “Let me see if I can find any books on nightmare forces.”
Luna watched as the Princess of Friendship swooped up and down and around each and every bookshelf in sight. She shot up out of sight into the sky, only to come back down along another shelf.
“No…nope...not here...not that…” she muttered all over the library.
Luna could only pace up and down the floor, biting her lip. Every second she spent here, the Tantabus grew stronger. She trusted Princess Twilight and had faith she could help find a solution, she just wished she would work a little faster.
“I think I’ve found it!” Twilight called, and Luna watched as the purple alicorn swooped down to her desk, holding a thick tome in her magic. “I’m not too sure what it’s called - the cover might be worn away - but it definitely looks like it might have something about nightmare magic.”
“Oh thank goodness,” Luna sighed, and walked toward her with a smile. The smile dropped as soon as she got a glimpse of the book.
And, once Twilight cracked it open, its dark blue bindings.
“Twilight Sparkle!” she called, holding out a hoof. “Do not-!”
Twilight’s face was splattered with frosting and sprinkles shot out from the book. She blinked confusedly, and licked it up.
“Oh, I guess it’s a cookbook,” she finally said. “Wonder how that got there?” She giggled at the absurdity of a cookbook being mixed in with her tomes.
“Fight it, Twilight Sparkle!” Luna pleaded. “You are strong! You must resist!”
“Resist what?” Twilight asked, grinning as a tray of cupcakes levitated up from the open book. “Oh, this cookbook must be enchanted! I should keep it with me to study it!”
“The Tantabus, Twilight Sparkle!” Luna insisted. “This is its doing!”
“Are you sure?” Twilight mumbled, crumbs spilling from her mouth. “This doesn’t seem so bad to me. Why don’t you have some too, Luna? You might be overreacting to this whole Tantabus thing.”
Luna groaned and facehoofed. She was so close, but that Tantabus must have sneaked in when she wasn’t looking.
The open book hovered up, and swirled around into a mass of dark energy. Luna glowered at it, while Twilight slowly blinked with dazed confusion. Globs shot out from the mass toward the bookshelves and stacks, causing tomes and scrolls to fly over to the two alicorns. They opened and unfurled to reveal images of cakes, pies and other confectionaries, which pulled themselves out from the pages and made themselves real. Luna’s jaw dropped in terror, while Twilight giggled.
Luna jumped and rolled around the treats being shot at her, while Twilight happily opened her mouth and accepted them. Luna grimaced as Twilight chewed and swallowed each mouthful, every lump sliding down her throat into her belly causing it and the rest of her body to bounce out with another layer of jiggling adipose. Her cheeks inflated, her legs thickened, and flab spilled down from behind her chin.
Luna looked up and spotted the Tantabus flying through a circular stained glass window behind the desk, depicting Twilight Sparkle surrounded by books with magic flowing around from her horn. She rolled her eyes at the display of vanity before she followed, the window rippling when her hooves pressed into it.
Luna returned to the Dream Realm, and spotted the Tantabus. Once again, it had taken the form of a castle-sized alicorn flickering with dark power.
Though, Luna couldn’t help but notice that it wasn’t just the height of a castle. With its enormous spherical body and tree-trunk legs, and its face rounded with sagging jowls, she couldn’t help but think it looked like an incredibly overfed Nightmare Moon. She grimaced, assuming this was how the creature looked when filled with enough of this particular power. Either that or it was making fun of her.
In front of the Tantabus was the portal to the waking world, which it was taking its time awkwardly waddling toward. Luna snorted and flew between it and the portal.
“Have too much to eat?” she sneered.
The Tantabus growled, and its horn shot a blast of magic shaped like a cake slice toward her. She flew over it and swooped around the oversized monster.
“Perhaps you should take a nap,” she taunted, firing quick bursts of magic blasts at the Tantabus, its movements too sluggish to keep up. “Back to my dream where you belong! You will not control me a second time!”
The princess began to feel cocky. The Tantabus’s attacks were missing her by a wide margin, and it was taking its time to turn its wobbling, barrel-shaped body around to face where she had gone next. She may be without Twilight’s help, but she had formulated her own plan; to wear down the creature’s power so that it may calm down enough for her to reason with it.
It may not be the best course of action, she thought, but with this drastic change in its behaviour, she was willing to try anything.
She swooped up over the Tantabus and arched, shooting down toward the Tantabus. Her horn glowed brighter and brighter, preparing for one last attack.
She closed in toward the creature’s face, then she blinked. She was now looking at a brightly coloured bubble. Her horn’s aura vanished and her wings flapped as she tried to slow to a stop, but she was sent through into the dream.
Her landing was much softer than she expected, and she certainly didn’t plan to hear a wet splat. Nonetheless, these rough landings were becoming an annoyance.
The sweet smell made her shoot up to her hooves in dread, and she looked around to see she was in some kind of town square. Her ears drooped and her eyes dilated.
Everything was sweets. Wafer buildings with frosting roofs, street lights with candy cane poles, a stream of chocolate milk, and in the distance were mountains made of ice cream, with giant cherries on top. Even the clouds above were pink cotton candy.
Luna frantically looked around for an exit before-
“Princess Luna!” a mare’s voice chirped from ahead of her. Luna looked to the source, and grimaced.
It was Pinkie Pie. A terribly inflated Pinkie Pie. Her round body not only touched the ground, it spread out like a water balloon, meaning her hooves barely touched the floor. Her face had a pair of puffy cheeks that caused her eyes to squint thanks to her trademark big smile, and a big folded slab of blubber beneath her chin.
The balloons on her flanks - fitting, Luna couldn’t help but think - had stretched out to cover the new space on her inflated backside. Her curly tail was comically tiny, flopped on top of her great, wobbling plot. Her knees were all covered by thick folds of fat, undulating with every wiggling, jiggling movement the somehow still energetic earth pony made.
“Oh, Pinkie Pie,” Luna sighed, starting to relax. “I am only in your own dream.” She shook off the frosting that had splattered all over herself upon landing.
“Course ya are!” Pinkie chirped. “Cuz I’m here, and now you’re here, so the party’s gonna get even better!”
“Party?” Luna repeated, and looked around the candy town square. Banners and signs hung from poles and buildings, with pictures of cakes and treats on them. Next to her was a large table taking up most of the space, its frame almost bending with the sheer amount of confectionaries. “Ah, I see. Well, I must return to-”
“Ya don’t always need a reason to have a party,” Pinkie continued. “So this is just an ‘I feel like throwing a dream party in my dream’ party! Well, I guess that kinda maybe counts as a reason so-”
“Pinkie Pie!” Luna shouted, silencing the party pony. “I am sure it is a lovely party, but I am afraid I have no time to partake! I need to-”
“At least try a cookie!” Pinkie insisted, holding up said treat in her hoof, covered in multicoloured chips. “I got chocolate chips, strawberry chips, banana chips, and I think I got some potato chips around here somewhere!”
“Pinkie Pie, I really must-” she was cut off by the cookie being shunted into her open mouth.
Luna felt anger for a moment, then it quickly faded as she registered the taste. Delightfully chocolaty, and the blend of chips was simply divine. There was even some fudge inside it too. Definitely one of the finer cookies she’d ever had.
She felt a warm, comfortable numbness all over her body. Her urgency, her determination, her anxiety, all distancing themselves from her. She caught her mouth curling into a smile, and she liked that she was smiling. She liked this warmth. She loved that cookie. She wanted more. She needed more. The Tantabus could wait.
“Good, huh?” Pinkie giggled.
“Delicious, Pinkie Pie,” Luna purred. “I do not suppose you have some more? I would also like to partake in some of that lovely cake.”
“Help yourself, Princess!” the earth pony said, pushing more treats toward the alicorn. “I always got more!”
Luna grinned and stuffed a plump slice of chocolate ice cream cake in her mouth. The burst of flavour made her moan with sheer pleasure.
Both ponies noticed something shifting in the sky, and they waved with lazy grins at the Tantabus, poking its head in curiously before removing it and returning to its walk toward the waking world.
