Fall of Equestria?

by Centurion Pike-Wall

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Shining Armor, Sex, Profanity, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Death, Alternate Universe, Other, Original Character
Length: 2127

As the Caribou prepare to invade the crystal empire, they discover something....Unique about ponies.

King Dainn and the Caribou armies are poised to launch their invasion of Equestria, starting with the Crystal empire. In preparation for the conquest, Dainn orders a few of his elite guard to kidnap a crystal mare. However, they come back with a interesting discovery.

Well, the ponies are hermaphrodites. This, naturally, complicates matters.

(Important Note: I do NOT like FoE stories. I just don't. However, I DO love the story 'Going Native', by Gyvon. And while reading that, this just popped into my head. So yeah, please don't complain too much.)

Published 2018-11-08 04:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-11-08 04:00:01 UTC

Chapter 1

King Dainn sat upon his throne within his tent, smiling to himself. This was it; what he had been waiting for. His army was encamped less then a days march from the Crystal Empire, the furthest northern point of the travesty that was Equestria. In a few days, his most skilled commander would bring the empire to its knees. From there, it would be used as a staging point to launch his invasion of Equestria, and to crush these ‘Princesses’ under his boot.

He got angry just thinking about it. They, mere females, were ruling over a nation bigger than most. And what was almost as worse, was that the superior males, simply allowed it! It was an abhorrent; a crime against the natural order of things. However, he would fix this. He would right this wrong, and elevate the males of this nation to their proper place: As the masters of those weak cumdumptsers.

His druids had assured him of victory. If they could get ahold of the relic the empire used to keep out the howling wind of the north, which currently hampered his own men, they could use it to turn Equestria’s males to his side. He practically salivated at the thought: His male brothers, rising up against their cunts, taking them as their own, securing their proper place. However, he had ordered a hold on the attack, at least for now.

While he couldn’t wait to bring these cunts to his heel, he wanted a bit of a...Taste. He had ordered two of his two personal bodyguards to enter the empire in secret, for two reasons. One was tactical: to get an accurate position of the Crystal Heart. The second was for his own pleasure. He tasked them with kidnapping a mare. He wanted a taste of what was to come, as well as to break her, as to taunt the False leader of the Empire. They should be back soon.

He heard the tent flap open, and the thick striking of boots on the frozen ground of the tent. Speak of the draconequus, he thought as he looked up. Sure enough, he was greeted with the sight of two strong, superior bucks. They wore brass colored armor, complete with black trim, a black shoulder cape, and brass skull caps, all of which was plastered with a thin layer of white from the snow storms of the frozen north. Normally, they would be armed with large runic axes; yet for this mission, they were armed with simple long knives. Both marched up to his throne, and knelt into a low bow.

He smiled, knowing these two. Their names were Wulf and Karkic, and they had been with his guard for much time. Yet, soon this smile faltered slightly as he saw that they lacked something he had asked for. Before he could bring this up, Wulf spoke up.

“King Dainn. We have returned successful. We have located the Crystal Heart. However, the second act was more, complicated to say the least.” he said. Dainn could see the slight amount of sweat pooling around his horns and forehead. He had something to tell him.

Dainn replied, “Well then, what is it? Were you caught? Because you know the cost of failure.”

Both bucks shuddered involuntarily. They both knew the cost of failure, and it certainly was steep. Karkic said, “N-no, sir. None of the cunts saw us. But, that is where the, er, problem, comes into play.”

Dainn was now getting a bit mad. He hated problems, and he knew the best way was to rectify this. “So then, what is the problem?”

Wulf said,”Well, sir, it appears that the ponies are nudists, and that they-” However, he was cut off by Dainn rising from his throne, anger burning in his eyes.

“So!? That should have made your job easier! Now tell me why you didn’t bring me a cunt, or so help me, I’ll have you turned into cunts, and fuck you until you become purple collars!” he roared.

Wulf stuttered, Fear gripping his eyes. Yet Karkic, hoping to avoid this terrible punishment, yelled out,”The Cunts have dicks, sir!”

At this, Dainns rage filled eyes changed, becoming replaced with a look of confusion. “What?”

Wulf, regaining his composure, said,”He is correct, sire. We couldn’t see a male in sight. Or, maybe they consider themselves males. I don’t know.”

“Yes! They had boobs, yes. And some large ones at that. Yet at the same time, many of them had cocks; massive ones, the size of daggers! We didn’t see a pussy in sight, just dicks!” Karkic added.

Dainn, stunned at this news, sank back into his throne. This was not in the rumors and tidbits he had heard from his spy in yakyakistan. He had only learned of the ponies and their princesses. If they did indeed possess both cocks and boobs, then, what could he do? His men hadn’t reported anything about pussys, so he had no fuckholes. And his men wouldn’t be happy about it, either. They had been promised pussy and slaves. He could still get slaves, but if they lacked pussy, then, well, what could he do? He needed others to help him.

Looking back at the two guards, who were still bowing to him, he said,”You two. Go fetch my commander and high druids. We must deliberate.”

Both stood, saluting as they did so. They then whirled around, marching past the other guards as they left the tent. Dainn slumped back on his throne. This would be complicated.

++++++

Several hours later, and Dainn’s leading officers were assembled. On his right stood his primary military commander, General Skaris. He was, like all of his top bucks, the perfect example of a dominant male. Tall, strong, and all around superior. He wore similar armor to his Personal guards, except his set came with a full cape and red trim, as well as a much larger helmet. A smaller runic ax hung at his side, as well as a knife.

Across from the General were several druids. These Caribou were trained in the use of magic, and would have been vital in the invasion, if it were to still happen. They wore long cloaks with hoods, small leather belts containing ceremonial knives, and a few possessed piercings along their noses and horns.

“Thank you for joining me. Now, I assume you have all been told about the discovery Wulf and Karkic made, regarding the ponies.” Dainn said.

“Yes, my liege,” Said general Skaris. “And I wish to know what we are going to do about it. Should I get my men ready? Are we still going to attack?”

Dainn replied,”That is why I have called this council. What do you all think?” The King expected to have at least two of the assembled five druids sharing an opinion. But, no.

“I say we enslave the more feminine ones, while the rest are accepted as our brothers.”

“No, that won’t work. Then we could just be facing a rebellion on two ends. I say we enslave them all! They’re female enough, and those cunts need to be put down!”

“That would be too much effort. Plus, we don’t have the numbers to do that.”

“Well then, what do you propose?”

“I say we accept them as our brothers. They have cocks, and as far as we know, no pussys. Or maybe they do, I don’t know. But they do have cocks, so we can see them like us.”

“They aren’t male enough, and they aren’t cunt enough. We could try to negotiate with them. They don’t have to know of our original intentions.”

“But they-”

By this point, Dainn had had enough. “Silence!!” he bellowed. At once, the druids all shut up, bowing their heads in respect. “We must consider all of our options carefully. Now, we will go through all of options. We will decide on the best course of action, and we must do it quickly. We don’t have all year, and we already run low on food. Now, let's commence properly.”

++++++

Shining Armor sighed, readjusting the parka. She hated it, as it often pulled at her fur, not to mention was quite constricting. However, it was, here at least, necessary. She could normally handle business slightly outside the magic shield of the empire, as a ponies coat was able to withstand some of the cold. However, for this, the parka, as uncomfortable as it was, was needed.

Recently, a new creature had come down from north side of the mountain, shortly after Flurry Heart's crystalling. It had called itself a Caribou, and had explained about his race to a very interested Twilight. He explained the philosophy of his ruler, this ‘King Dainn’. He then explained his kings original plan: to invade Equestria, and to enslave the women. But when he had learned of the Ponies unique, Biology, he had called off the invasion to talk with his generals.

That, according to him, was about a month ago. They had been deliberating and arguing for all that time. The troops were freezing, hungry, and desperate. This Caribou, who called himself Harald, had chose to desert, thinking he could take his chances with the ponies. Shining and several other guards were out to see if their camp was still there.

She crested a rise, staring down at the Caribou camp. Or, at least, what was left of it. Tents were blown all around, often with just the poles still there. Campfires, long since burnt out, dot the camp site, every five tents or so. Cans, trash, and bottles litter the snow covered ground. Also littering the ground were bodies. Caribou soldiers. Most appeared to have died of frostbite or starvation, yet a few show signs of struggle as she and her guards got closer.

“Looks like they ran out of food. And then turned on each other.” said one of the guards.

Another said, “Yeah. There isn’t anything here! Lets just go back. I want to get out of this stupid thing. It's so damn constricting.”

“I want to leave too,” Shining said. “But we have to look a little further. We’ll check the command tent, then we’ll head back.”

Mumbling in agreement, the group pressed on. They past more of the same; Dead caribou, trash, and broken tents. Shining had to admit that there was a large amount of them. So far, she and her troops had seen maybe a few dozen, but this was only one side of the encampment. And the snow was really thick, so there could be many more buried underneath them. That thought only made her want to get this over with faster.

She and the guards finally reached the main tent. It was still held together somewhat, yet was still in a state of disuse. The walls of it were falling apart, and flapping wildly in the wind. A caribou guard lay outside, face down in the snow. He was dead, and looked like this was one of the ones that was killed by violence. Wanting to get out of here even more, he pushed open the tent flap.

Inside were more signs of struggle. Blood splattered the snow like syrup over ice cream, patchy and uneven. Several corpses littered the inside of the tent. Most were clad in the same armor as the guard outside. A few wore cloaks, as well as necklaces and various rings. She guessed these were the Druids Harald had spoken of, yet here they were. Laying sprawled next to an overturned throne was another corpse. Judging from the crown, fancy cape, and equally fancy sword next to him, Shining guessed this was King Dainn himself. Here lay a creature who sought to invade Equestria, dead of sword slash by the looks of things, in his own tent, next to his own throne.

One of the guards, a somewhat nice looking pegasi, said, “Huh. Bad guys killed each other. Well, saves us a lot of work, don’t ya say boss?”

“Yeah. But, what killed them? Each other?” shining asked.

“That’d probably be the case, Captain.” Shouted another one of his guards. Looking past the throne, Shining saw her in what she guessed was the ‘King's’ private quarters. “There was a pantry or something like it back here, and all of the food is gone. I’d say that they ran out of food, and some of them stormed the tent, looking for the last of it.”

“Ok then. Corporal Pike Wall, you, Stiff lance and Honed blade stay here and sweep the rest of the camp. I’ll send a group to reinforce and relieve you in a few hours. The rest of you, Let’s move out!”