Gee, Twilight, Sick Rager!
The land of Equestria has many benefits over its human counterpart. The widespread presence of magic is the most obvious one, but for Sunset Shimmer, a very pertinent difference was her age. It wasn't that she was younger in the human world--she was still 29 there. But her infiltration of Canterlot High had required she pretend to be a teenager again, and now, several years later, her supposed age was pretty much set in stone. Which meant her drivers license showed her to be nineteen, and that meant no easy access to drinks. Sure she could have gotten a fake ID, but the last thing she needed was to end up in jail in a foreign universe, especially one that looked down on underage drinking so thoroughly. In sum, while human, she was an involuntary teetotaler.
But right now, she wasn't human. Right now she was a miniature horse, a little pony if you will, back in Equestria. Which meant it was time to get sloshed.
And so it was that she found herself in Raspberry Smirk Off's Bar and Grill, in the company of none other than Tempest Shadow.
"Wait, I thought your name was Fizzlepop Berrytwist?" Sunset inquired, sipping a sparkling martini.
The mare next to her sighed. "You know, I could have sworn I told Twilight not to tell anypony that, and yet here we are. Yes, that's my birthname, but I--I, um, I've grown rather fond of my nom de plume. So please, call me Tempest Shadow."
"Right, sorry about that. So, uh, Tempest, word on the street is that I missed a rather happening affair. Quite the splendiferous shendig, as it were."
Tempest's lips curved into a rare smile. "Splendiferous, eh? Been hanging out with Pinkie Pie much?"
"Perhaps," Sunset replied with an air of mock seriousness.
"Well yes, it's true. Twilight Sparkle invited me to the Grand Galloping Gala. Said if I thought the Festival of Friendship was a party, I hadn't seen anything yet. Naturally I was obliged to attend. I must say I'm slightly surprised you were not there as well. Have you not been to this particular soiree?"
Sunset laughed. "Oh no, I've been to several Triple Gees, all varying degrees of disasters. But this year I had a college project I simply couldn't afford to leave by the wayside for a couple days, so I didn't go. But, well, Twilight--you know how she is--she suggested I reach out to you and make your acquaintance, and so now here we are, and I want all the juicy details on what I missed this year!"
Tempest nursed her Blue Haywaiian for a moment, musing over the request. "Okay, I suppose I could render an explanation of what went down."
"There were mayhaps a thousand ponies at the gathering. Dressed to the nines, of course. I can't imagine how many orders Rarity must get for suits and dresses every year for this thing. A lot of stuffy characters to be sure, but as soon as the wine started flowing, so did the socializing.
"And speaking of wine, the refreshments were of course top notch. Now, I come from a family of--well, not a family of vintners, but a family that includes vinters. So I know good alcohol when I taste it. In fact, I know good alcohol just from sight. So when I saw the huge alcoholic punch bowl surrounded by ponies, I knew I'd have to try it. It was pretty crowded though, so I figured it could wait. There was more socializing to do in the meantime.
"I met this mare named Spitfire. Very serious. I like that. Seriousness, that is. She said she'd love to shoot the breeze some time. Perhaps she was flirting with me? I am not certain. She was pretty attractive."
Sunset grinned. "You should talk to Rainbow Dash. I bet she could set you two up."
Tempest took another sip and returned the grin. "Perhaps I will."
"So what else happened?" Sunset inquired. "Any exciting disasters I should know about?"
Tempest Shadow put a hoof to her chin and stared up in thought. "Not really. I mean, well, okay, I take that back. Shining Armor and some guardspony got into a rather heated spat. Something about the later's remark regarding Cadance's posterior."
Sunset's cheeks flushed slightly. "She does have an excellent posterior."
Tempest rolled her eyes. "I thought Twilight said you were dating somepo--body. Flash... Magnus was it?"
Sunset laughed. "Flash Sentry? We broke up yeeeears ago. I mean, we're still friends, which is nice, but no, I'm dating the human world's Twilight Sparkle."
Tempest raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you like ten years older than her?"
Sunset grew red again. "She's very mature for her age! And I--I mean we--we didn't--I didn't ask her out until she turned eighteen! But, uh, hey, enough about me! I want to keep hearing about that awesome party you went to!"
Tempest nodded. "Very well. Well, Twilight--pony Twilight--was an escort of sorts for me so I wouldn't get too lost or overwhelmed among all the unfamiliar faces. She kind of steered me towards ponies I did know throughout the night. A few were terrified of me, or angry, but for the most part, everypony was as friendly as I've come to realize ponies here are. Forgiving bunch, the lot of you."
"That we are," Sunset chimed in.
"And you know what?" Tempest continued, "The very best part of the night was when I went to get a drink. Remember that punch bowl I told you about earlier? I thought there was going to be a long line of ponies waiting to sate their thirst all night, but imagine my delight when I went to get punch and there was no one queued up in front of me!"
“Wait, that’s it? That’s the highlight of your night?" Sunset asked incredulously. "Not having to wait behind a bunch of ponies to get a drink?”
“Yep,” Tempest smugly smirked.
Horror enveloped Sunset. Tempest’s story had no punch line.
Author's Note
The first story was a feghoot; this one’s a shaggy dog story.
