First Cut

by True Edge

Rating: teen
Tags: Sugar Belle, Big Macintosh, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Marble Pie, Sad, Drama, Suicide / Self Harm
Length: 3273

On a night of warmth and joy, one heart breaks, and a mind contemplates that which should not be contemplated.

After a brief glimpse of happiness, of thinking that perhaps she had found one who understood her pain and loneliness, Marble Pie now feels that she has lost everything.

It will take some wisdom from an unexpected source to set her right.
___________________________________________________________

Warning! Spoilers for The Best Gift Ever ahead!
SPOILERS!
SPOILERS!!
SPOILERS!!!

You were warned.

Written because I really like Sugar Belle, and think she’s good for Big Mac. . . But come on, we all adore Marble, and really now, who didn’t feel their heart break when they saw that look on her face?

Published 2018-11-02 15:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-11-02 15:00:01 UTC

Far Beneath Winter Snows

The day had started off so good. Everypony had been happy and smiling, and none more so than her.

It was hard to think, now. Hard to see how she could’ve been so happy. The two of them hadn’t seen each other for nearly a year, but their last parting had been happy, smiling. He had looked at her like nopony ever had, before. She had felt warmth inside of her heart, a bubbly sensation that had made her just giddy.

She wasn’t sure, as she’d never felt it before, but she thought it was love.

She had also thought he must’ve felt it to.

When they had arrived at the train station in Ponyville, she had seen Mac standing there, next to a unicorn mare she did not know. True to her nature, she had not rushed forward to greet him, but rather hung back, silent but smiling, and he had done the same.

She had thought nothing of it.

She had thought he was just being shy, as she was.

She had thought the unicorn was just a friend.

They had all walked out to Sweet Apple Acres, the two families talking and laughing amongst each other as they went. She had hung back, watching him. She had started noticing that the unicorn was constantly beside him, and that they were talking softly to each other most of the way, smiling and laughing to themselves. She had begun to feel a strange sensation in her heart. A sort of breathlessness, and a sense of dread, but she had silenced it.

Big Mac was a good stallion, and kind of heart. He wouldn’t do that. . . .

He loved her.

Didn’t he?

Then they had arrived at the farmhouse, and the families had set to helping each other get everything unpacked, and set up for Hearth’s Warming Eve.

Granny had asked if she would go and fetch Big Mac to help with setting up the tree, and told her that he should be in the kitchen. She had gone, and she had heard soft voices. She had looked around the corner, and had seen them kiss. Seen the pure happiness and joy on their faces.

She had felt an icy spike slip into her heart, and break it into a thousand pieces.

She had backed out without saying a word, and now she wondered if that wasn’t her problem.

The rest of the day had passed in a blur for her, thoughts buzzing through her mind, going too fast to focus on, and yet sluggish, mired in pain. Pinkie had left for some reason, and Marble wasn’t entirely sure why. She had only been partly paying attention. She had absently told the others good night and then lay down in her bed, wanting nothing more than to drift away into the sweet embrace of sleep, where she could pretend, perhaps, that this had been the dream, and that her fantasy was reality.

But that was not to be.

Sleep eluded her, her mind coming in to focus for the first time in hours, her thoughts beginning to churn along with her stomach as fears, doubts and anguish warred within her.

Was it something she said?

Was it something she did?

If so, what? She thought back on their admittedly brief time together, and couldn’t find a single thing she had done that would have driven him away. But, it was then she started realizing, she hadn’t done anything to bring him to her, either.

Her shy, insecure nature had led her to simply stand there, blushing and smiling awkwardly, and he had done the same. She had felt, perhaps, that their mutual bashfulness had acted as a magnet, drawing them together, and maybe that had been true for the duration of his visit, but after. . . .

She had done nothing to bring him back to her, once he was gone.

She had her chance, and she had blown it. And now he was with this other mare, and she would never know if he might’ve loved her back.

The what-ifs and might-have-beens had kept her awake from then on.

She had finally looked and saw the clock by the soft light of the moon coming in through the window, and it was nearing three in the morning. With a sigh she had risen, not knowing what she was doing, or where she was going, just knowing that she couldn’t simply lay there any longer. Her body was stiff, muscles aching, and she needed to move.

She had found herself in the kitchen, standing in the arched doorway and staring at where the two of them had been. If only she had spoken up . . . or perhaps kissed him? Maybe then. . . .

Maybe then. . . .

She didn’t really remember opening the back door and stepping outside, into the bitter cold and snow. But now here she was, sitting on her rump in the cold, staring out into the darkness. The bright moon glinted off the snow around her, making the night near bright as day in some parts, but there was one place that it’s light could not reach.

A few hundred yards away, past the fence that marked the border of the farm, the darkness of the Everfree Forest was impenetrable. She knew of the forest from the stories her sister had told them, and knew that, while it often wasn’t as dangerous as some ponies liked to tell their foals, it still wasn’t a safe place, especially after dark.

She found herself wondering what sort of creatures roamed in there. She knew from her sister of things like timberwolves, and hydra, and cockatrice. Perhaps. . . .

It was cold. She shivered where she sat, looking out at the dark woodlands ahead. She was so alone.

She had her family, yes, and they all truly did love her, in their own ways, and she them. But that was different, and their love, their companionship was not what her heart was longing for. She wanted somepony who wasn’t expected to love her because of ties of blood, but rather somepony special, who would hold her in the dark of the night, or when she was cold, like now. Who would kiss her softly and tell her that they loved her, and that she would never be alone again.

That she would never feel this empty, aching need again.

She stared out at the darkness under the trees, and felt the cold slowly crawling it’s way under her fur, through her skin and into her bones.

Her mind had been silent for several minutes, or perhaps it had been hours. She wasn’t certain, anymore, how much time had passed since she came out here.

That silences was broken by a single, odd thought. She wondered to herself, calmly, rationally. . . .

. . . If she were to wander out into those woods, and find a quiet little hole to lie in . . . if the snow were to slowly cover her up, until she disappeared from the world for good. . . .

. . . Would anypony even miss her?

Why would they? She did nothing to contribute to their lives. She did nothing worthwhile. She couldn’t make a pony smile by simply entering the room. She hadn’t ever gone to college, or earned a rocktorate or anything of that sort. She was so quiet, that half the time she felt like she was hidden in the background, out of sight and out of mind of all her loved ones.

Her quiet contemplation of the uselessness of her own life was broken by the soft crunch of snow underhoof.

“Hello?” A voice, sweet and kind, echoed softly from the snow, and she spun, coming to her hooves, eyes wide.

Lavender, with a grape coloured mane and tail, and rose eyes that were kind and soft, and were now looking at her with an expression of concern.

It was her.

Sugar Belle.

Marble felt a moment of anger, jealousy rearing up inside of her, snarling at this one who had taken her dreams from her. She wanted to yell, to scream, to leap upon the mare and beat her, to make her hurt as she hurt.

But speaking out, and acting out, wasn’t in her nature, and so she simply stood and silently stared at the unicorn.

Sugar Belle took a cautious step forward, looking between the earth pony mare and the farmhouse, before speaking again.

“It. . . It’s Marble, right? What are you doing out here? Especially without any clothes to protect you, you could catch your death!” She said, softly, and Marble felt something well up from within her.

“What do you care?” She asked, and almost staggered in surprise.

Sugar Belle stumbled to a halt, blinking at Marble. “What? What do you mean? Why wouldn’t I care?” She asked, and her voice was so honestly confused, and a little hurt, that it made Marble go silent for a moment, thinking. . . .

Why had she said that? Anger, of course. Anger and spite. Neither thing was really like her, and she found herself frowning at her own bad thoughts. She glanced up once more to Sugar Belle and shrugged, looking away.

“’M sorry.” She mumbled, not knowing what to say or how to act. This mare had stolen her one chance at love, and yet . . .

And yet Marble couldn’t hate her. She was so sweet and kind, and she obviously made Big Mac so happy. Just one more thing that Marble had failed at doing.

She turned once more, looking out at the trees.

She heard snow crunching again, and felt the other mare step up beside her. She felt her eyes on her, but fought the instinct to look back, or shrink away. She did her best to ignore Sugar Belle, hoping she would just go away, so that Marble could finally go off and make sure the world didn’t have to put up with her ineptitude anymore.

“Is this . . . This is about Mac and I, isn’t it?”

Marble snapped her head around, meeting the other pony’s gaze and blinking in shock. She hadn’t said anything. Had Mac? What had he said?! All of these words, she kept inside, not knowing how to say them, or if she even should.

Sugar Belle smiled sadly. “I saw the way you watched him, at the train station and on the way back.” She said, softly, and Marble felt a blush crawl over her features, hot under her cold skin. It was then she realized how very, very cold she really was, and a hard shiver ran over her body.

She felt warmth wrap around her, and saw that Sugar Belle had slipped out of her coat and put it over Marble’s back, looking at her with worry on her face.

“You should . . . would you like to come in? Maybe get a cup of cocoa?” Sugar Belle asked, her eyes pleading.

Marble bit her lip, part of her not wanting to. But finally she nodded, saying nothing, and followed the unicorn into the house.

They sat at the kitchen table a little while later, both with steaming cups of hot chocolate in front of them. Neither had touched them, ostensibly to let them cool down, but really because neither was all that interested in the drinks.

Sugar Belle bit her lip, thinking for a moment, before she spoke up.

“Marble, I don’t know everything . . . Mac only said you were a friend, and maybe a relative. . . . Is there . . . was there more to it, than that?”

Marble looked at her cup, not wanting to be here, not wanting to talk about this. And yet, some part of her did want to talk about it. Wanted to get it all out. She sighed softly, as she thought. She wanted to say that, yes, there was more to it than that. That she loved him, and he her, and that Sugar Belle had stolen him away from her.

But she didn’t. Because she knew, in her heart, it wasn’t true. She may have loved him, but she had done nothing to make him love her. Sugar Belle hadn’t stolen him, but rather Marble had simply lost her chance. It wasn’t right to blame the other mare for her own failure.

And so, she simply sighed again and shook her head softly.

Sugar Belle was quiet for a time, watching the other mare and thinking. When she finally spoke again, it was in a quiet, contemplative voice, as she tried to piece together what was the matter.

“So . . . I’m guessing that you had . . . have feelings for Mac, but that . . . for whatever reason he doesn’t return them. And, seeing him with me. . . .” She trailed off, seeing the most microscopic of flinches on the other mare’s face, and bit her lip. She reached across the table, taking the earth pony’s hoof into hers, and Marble stiffened, looking up at her.

“Marble, I am so sorry.” She said, softly, feeling her eyes stinging with tears. The other girl was clearly hurting, and Sugar Belle couldn’t help but feel it was all her fault. Marble stared at her for a minute, before looking down at her cup again and pulling her hoof away.

“It’s not your fault.” She said, softly, and Sugar Belle frowned, but, sensing that Marble would clam up if she pushed, she remained silent, waiting.

After several long moments of sitting there, the grey mare continued.

“It’s . . . It’s not your fault. It’s mine.” She said, softly. “I had my chance, and I . . . I was just too . . . too quiet. Like I always am.” She drifted off, sighing and looked off towards the window, back outside into the cold.

Something in her eyes warned Sugar Belle, and she reached out, again taking the other mare’s hoof, and getting Marble to look at her.

“Marble, it is not your fault. And, whatever you’re thinking. . . . Doing . . . taking. . . .“ She ground her teeth, and looked away. “ . . . Leaving isn’t going to help. It will only break the heart of everypony that cares about you, including Big Mac. I know it may not be the way you wanted, but he does care about you. He had nothing but good things to say when he told me about the Hearth’s Warming that he and the other Apples spent on your family’s farm. And most of it was about you. I know, Marble, that you might wish it was more than friendship, but at least you have him as a friend. . . .”

She drifted off again, feeling that her words were far less than adequate. She glanced up as Marble sighed, and saw the earth pony looking down into her cup of cocoa again. She bit her lip, and squeezed the mare’s hoof in her own, getting her to look up at her again from behind the curtain of her mane.

“Marble . . . it isn’t your fault, and . . . and it’s not mine, or Mac’s. These things sometimes just . . . happen.” She bit her lip, but continued. “Mackie is a lovely stallion, and he makes me so happy. . . I don’t blame you, for having feelings for him, and I don’t hate you for it, either. Honestly, if our places were switched, I might feel the same way you do, now. But, you can’t give up, Marble. Things might be dark for you, now, and I can’t say that I know everything you’re going through but . . . Marble, if you give up, it will never get better.”

She saw the other mare looking at her, not because she was making her, but because she was listening, really listening to what she was saying, and Sugar Belle leaned forward, meeting her eyes with her own.

“I love Mackie, and he loves me. But, though it may only be in friendship, he loves you too, in a way. And it’s okay, Marble, if you love him back . . . even if it might be a bit deeper, than simple friendship. Whatever you’re going through, Marble, you have to believe that it will get better. Trust me, I’ve been to a dark place before, and I was afraid that I would never get out, but I did. I did, and now I’m happy, and the same will happen for you. Where there’s life, there is hope, Marble. You have to keep hope, you have to hold on to it, and know that, if you just stick with it, things will get better.”

She sat back, feeling that perhaps she was pushing too hard, but Sugar Belle had seen that look in a pony’s eyes before. She used to see it in her own, every morning when she looked in the mirror, back before Twilight and her friends had come to Our Town, back when she thought she’d never feel the light of her cutie mark again. And she knew the type of thoughts that accompanied that look, and she didn’t want to see anything bad happen to Marble. She knew it would break Mackie’s heart, if he found out she had hurt herself over him, or worse. And, honestly, the girl was just too sweet and kind to allow that sort of thing to happen.

They sat in silence for a long time, Marble’s expression slowly clearing, becoming more thoughtful, before she finally sighed and glanced up as a rooster crowed somewhere in the distance. She looked outside for a brief moment, and a frown crossed her face, and she shook her head sharply, as though dislodging something that didn’t belong. She glanced down at her hoof, where it was held softly in the other mare’s, and then looked up into Sugar Belle’s eyes, and a small, minute smile turned up the side of her muzzle.

She was still sad, and she probably would be for a while, but that look had cleared from her eyes. So, Sugar Belle smiled back, and then glanced up at the sound of movement coming from the stairs.

“Sugar Belle?” His deep voice spoke softly through the quiet of the farmhouse, and she looked at Marble, who bit her lip as Mackie stepped through the door and stopped.

“Marble? What are you two doin’ in here, so early?” He asked, softly, and Sugar Belle hesitated, not knowing what to say.

“Sugar Belle was just telling me how you both met.” Marble said, softly, and the unicorn looked at her, blinking in surprise as the earth pony mare smiled at her again, before turning and looking at Big Mac.

“I’m . . . I’m really happy for you, Mac. She’s a kind soul, and I wouldn’t want anything more for you than that.” She said, walking over and hugging the big stallion briefly, before stepping past him towards the stairs. Mac watched her for a second, before turning and smiling at Sugar Belle, walking over to kiss her good morning.

Before he leaned in and blocked her sight, Sugar Belle saw Marble turn and look at them. A single tear ran down her cheek, but she was smiling gently as it did.