Pinkie Pie becomes Jackson Pollock
One day, Baljeet of Phineas and Ferb fame learned Gaelic. It was a gruelling process as Gaelic wasn’t within his curriculum. His Gaelic tutor then lightly tapped him which caused him to fall into Ponyville. He landed on some flour so he wasn’t injured but it looked like he was doing whiteface. He then rushed to the nearest portable lavatory. He then got sucked into the sewer. He lived with the rats. The moral of the story is that life will often take away everything good even if you do everything right.
Pinkie Pie had discovered a new way of creating art. She dribbled paint on a canvas. Everyone hated it.
“This art enrages me,” said Applejack while the Texan flag billowed behind her.
“It is supposed to do that,” said Pinkie.
“It has succeeded,” said Applejack.
Meanwhile, Neku of The World Ends With You fame was fighting rats in the sewer. The rats bit him and that made him sad.
Pinkie Pie was scheduled to be executed for making wack art when a pony named Twilight Sparkle (who was a clone of the real Twilight who was disguised as the sun). She argued for free speech but she was shouted down because people didn’t like Pinkie’s art therefore it was bad. Pinkie was executed but Henry Darger and Ken Livingstone went to the core of the Earth to reset time. Pinkie was pardoned because Celestia was hungry. The super team of Ken and Henry then went to wipe out the changelings. What heroes.
Rainbow Dash was busy watching the Simpsons when 9/11 happened. Her eyes began to bleed and her heart exploded onto her Communist flag. She died as a result.
“We must band together to kill the terrorists,” said the mayor.
“No,” said Pinkie Pie, because she didn’t want the terrorists to be killed.
She was laughed at by the unthinking mob. Her head was then plucked from its stump by a dove. Everypony t-posed on her grave like a boss but Garfield ran them all over with his Delorean and then dug up Pinkie’s body so she could re-animate her. He also re-animated Rainbow Dash. After the re-animation, the two became lesbian for one another as that was a side effect of re-animation. Garfield was enraged because he was a homophobe and didn’t like seeing people’s previous personalities being overwritten as his aim was to preserve the personalities of those who had died so he killed himself. Rainbow and Pinkie were saddened by this so they tried to re-animate Garfield but they only succeeded in creating a cat zombie. Suddenly, Ponyville had bigger worries than terrorists. It had a zombie invasion. Rainbow and Pinkie tried to run but Garfield was too fast for Pinkie. She was now a zombie. The only thing that could cure zombification was salted caramel ice cream but that didn’t exist in Ponyville. Rainbow prayed for Gene Hackman to come down and save her town from zombification but he was too busy being crucified. Rainbow had only one option: to do a rainboom. But only a single one, not a double. That would be bad. In terms of quality, not morality.
Twilight’s spine was rented from her body and it was super painful and she died. A lot of other people died too but they came back as zombies. Rainbow had rainboomed and thus went three seconds back in time. Three seconds too late, unfortunately. So she did it again. But three seconds ago, she had already done a rainboom so she just collided with her own rainboom (temporally, that is) and so, negated both rainboom. Now, she was in the “present”. Suddenly Neku burst from the sewers and pulled out a dope ass pin that in-zombification everyone. But that meant he had to die so he did. Everybody was sad.
“Why did he have to die?” said Garfield.
“For literally no reason,” said Luna, who still had blood in her mouth from having cannibalised people in that ‘computer simulation’.
“No worry,” said Robert Altman “salted caramel ice cream will resurrect him”
Robert was about to give Neku the ice cream when Gene Hackman stopped him. He clenched Robert’s hand so hard that it exploded. Gene had actually lied about being crucified and simply believed that zombies were the superior race and that intervening was bad. Robert rubbed some salted caramel ice cream on his wound so it could regrow as a stump and the epid battle between actor and director had begun. Robert roundhouse kicked Gene but Gene then came back with a piledriver. Robert shot Gene with a blast of dark energy but Gene deflected it with angel dust. Suddenly, Michal Červenka flew in from nowhere and pistol whipped Gene. While the fighting was going on, Pinkie sneaked to the salted caramel ice cream and applied it to Neku’s heart. Neku was resurrected. He then assaulted Gene even though he didn’t know that he was evil.
“Goddamn you, kid!” cried Gene “Aren’t you supposed to be misanthropic and ineffectual?”
“Not since my character development!” cried Neku, before delivering a crushing divekick to Gene’s head.
“Well done!” said Michal, clapping at Neku’s senseless abuse before t-posing into the sky.
“I guess we all learned that sometimes it is good to assault people without knowing the full details of the situation and that oppressing people for having different ideas is not OK. I’m sorry, Pinkie, even though your art is bad,” said Twilight.
“It’s OK,” said Pinkie.
“It’s almost as if forgiveness is a good thing to teach little girls and branding said forgiveness as toxic because you took the story literally to an uncomfortable degree and project your values onto the protagonists is kind of petty and a silly thing to blame the show and/or its writers for!” said Spike.
“Oh, Spike!” said everyone before laughing.
“What did I miss?” said Fluttershy after returning home from a long military campaign.
“I was just genociding an entire race with the help of these two fellows!” she said while pointing to Henry Darger and Ken Livingstone.
“You’re too kind,” Henry said.
Joseph Gattegno then rushed up and did a Fortnite dance to clown on the normies.
Author's Note
I was kind of aiming for something more G-rated here but it naturally evolved into something edgier as I wrote it. I think I have something special here. I do think this might actually be one of the first MLP/Phineas and Fern crossovers on this site. Quite an honour. I’m sure it will start a wave of stories. Hooray for me!
